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How to Slow Down Without Falling Behind · WhozYourMama

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Who's Your Mama, a podcast focusing on tomorrow's future, which are our kids, educators, teachers, parents, all-encompassing with the goal of understanding that our brain is a muscle that we can exercise to control the speed in the direction that we want.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: Let's go, y'all.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: The time is now.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: Kiana Webb, welcome to Who's Your Mama?
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, thank you, Michelle.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for having me.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so happy to be here.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's an absolute pleasure.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I have to just say at the beginning, before we dive into everything, I am a big person of a believer and have taught my 17-year-old daughter the same thing.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: And is that you can tell so much about people through their eyes and their smile.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: And yours definitely lights up.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: And this is the first time that we we've met face to face.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: So um it it warms my heart.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I I always love to give what I receive, but most of the time I find myself giving and leaving the expectation of receiving.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I feel the same for you.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh so far, you've made it so welcoming and easy, and that's rare.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's a gift that you have.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, thank you.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: I I appreciate that.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: I it's what you said outside of thank you for the compliments, uh, is that I do the same thing.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like when we give without expectation of receiving, it's a different type of mindset.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes I wonder if I'm is there an overcompensation part versus just a natural way?
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: And how much does life take in that way to kind of uh because I never want to lose that side, which is that's just who innately I am.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: That is a it's in my nature, and I've nurtured it and have worked so that life hasn't um had the ability to bring it down.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: So that kind of leads me into um for those that are listening that aren't familiar with your background and and your business and who you are as a person and how they're intertwined, um, how about you give us an introduction to that?
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: So, as I mentioned before, my name is Kiana Webb.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: I grew up with a family of entrepreneurs.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: So when I was super young, my dad was an executive of McDonald's corporation.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: And when I was seven, he left and we purchased McDonald's franchises.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: So my whole life was around building that business.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Took over the company at 26 and we sold when I was in my early 40s.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: And and the thing is that in McDonald's, most people don't understand is it really is about the community that you serve.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I grew up not just in church, but in every part and facet of my life, that human beings are actually really gifted and talented, but not everyone has the access or the ability to showcase or even understand their gifts and talents.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: And that was what my mission was when we had the restaurants.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: So out of that, when we sold, was birthed my company Glorious Arisings, and Glorious Arisings is all about human flourishing, and not just the external pieces, but the internal parts that says no matter what it is that we build or we create collectively as humans, we are better when more and more of us are flourishing, until all of us are flourishing.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's like praying that's with two or more getting.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: Two or more agree.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, yes, exactly.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's really miraculous what we can create together.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it's it's miraculous to me that everyone's gifts can complement each other as opposed to being opposition of each other, so I I love it, yeah.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what a beautiful intro and into that, which then brings me to um a broader question is with that knowledge.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: How did you choose to then focus that for yourself and for others without giving more to others and um not taking time for yourself, which I think is something that a lot of people can relate to, finding that balance.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, look, I'm still in the process of finding it, and I think that one thing that I have learned is that it's it's not it's not consistent.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: There's a flow state to it.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: There's some moments where I am giving more than I am resting, and there's some moments where I am resting way more than I'm giving, but it's just the natural order of things.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: I find that if we try to regiment things too much, then we're not actually in align with how our life flow is meant to be.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: So that's one thing.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: I give myself grace for some days I am pushing, I am doing all the things for that my children need, getting them to practices and showing up for events and making sure we have something to eat.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: We gotta feed ourselves, right?
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's other days where, like today, I had three meetings and I had big gaps in between, and instead of filling them with something, I just sat in the sun.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: I gave myself the space in those free moments to enjoy nature and to have really meaningful conversations with people that I love because we just so happen on a random Tuesday have space and time, right?
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't planned, it's not scheduled.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that when I overschedule my life, then I don't leave any room for myself.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: But when I allow life to flow, there's endless amounts of time for me to connect back to myself, to breathe, to pause, to reflect.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it happens throughout the day all the time.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's not like I can only do it in the morning from 4 to 5 a.m.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: or late at night after everyone goes to bed.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's just 45 seconds when I have nothing to do, and I don't allow urgency to force me into doing something.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: I could just be.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: I think I I literally had this conversation with a friend today when I did the same thing.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: I had gaps in between meetings, and it's something that I had an injury a few years ago that was very unexpected, and I had this gap a period of time, which is when I started Who's Your Mama?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: And there were so many gifts in it to recognize, which was a choice, what the pace of which I was I was living at, and some things were not they were what they were, but other things is it became such a pattern of being that to then slow down and then get back working in a traditional sense was the old patterns filled back in mentally.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: Was I need to fill the time, and but now I'm conscious of it, and I'm I continue to be blown away by when I trust that how much more productive I am, how much better I sleep.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: What would you say are some tools that people that has been helpful for you?
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: Because a lot of people say, give yourself the grace, and we tell ourselves, give ourselves the grace, or we tell friends or loved ones.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: But when people are like, what does that mean?
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like how could you break that down a little bit for you and for others to understand when they don't just dismiss it and it could be into practice?
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: Because sometimes people, it's like different words when you say, I'm good, or I love you, but it just is a word, it doesn't mean anything.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: How how can you break that down?
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: So there's those words, right?
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: As one.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: So whenever I tell someone I'm fine, you should know I am not fine.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: But it's a trigger for me.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I listen to the things that fill in the gaps, right?
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: That fill in the gaps that say, okay, am I able to be still or pause or move?
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: That is not continuing an old pattern or behavior.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: So as an example, um yesterday I was at at Universal Studios for my daughter's 15th birthday on this Easter vacation.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: And she took a friend, and I thought we were gonna be moving through the park together, and we didn't.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: So my whole day I'm inside of Universal Studios.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what do I do?
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I could feel myself wishing I had invited a friend, or um, that I started to go back into my work mode, and that was me filling the gap, and I'm like, oh, it's fine, and it and it it's not fine, right?
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's my key word, so I'm aware, I'm aware of those places that I try to fill in the spaces when I'm uncomfortable.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: So almost like um, because I'm a big person of flipping the coin, there's triggers which everyone knows, and then the flip of the coin I like to say is spark, like what ignites us, what creates light and uh brightness.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: So would you say that you have a word that you tell yourself that you know that can spark your mind to know that you're going a different place when you're going down those same places?
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: Would that be a way to tell yourself that to give yourself the grace?
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have a word, but I do have a pause.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: So the moment I find myself aware, it's like, oh, maybe aware is my word.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Let me be aware when I'm in these moments.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Something I say or used to say a lot.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Let me be in awareness when these things are happening, when I'm disconnecting from my body or I'm in urgency.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: Let me get to a place of awareness.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I also speak it in water because water holds memory and we're cellular.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I speak, let me be into awareness or whatever I'm creating, and I will drink it, and that also helps the body to remember.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I love that.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: I know when I'm peaceful, and if I remember my dreams, a lot of times they're out and the water, yeah, and it's the rocking that fills the peacefulness.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: I love the idea of drinking the water and the calmness of that that makes complete sense.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, not just drinking it, I speak my intention or I speak something important into the water.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I'll speak my manifestations into the water, and then I drink it with the intention that I I am it.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's beautiful, and then instead of continuing that behavior that I don't like from what I was talking about before of I I needed someone with me, or I needed to fill in the space, I just sat still for a minute and people watched and enjoyed it.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then I chose, I created what it is that I wanted to do for the rest of the day.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I went on a few rides and I said, Well, I really would like to go see a couple of movies, so I went to the movie and I took myself on a date.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Oh, I haven't taken myself on a date, so I treated myself to a nice blunch, and and you start doing these things, and instead of making yourself wrong for working, which I did do, I took a meeting, or making myself wrong for feeling uncomfortable.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: I just said, Oh, I accept that that's how I feel.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: I think acceptance is so important, and that's the grace, in it.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's my grace, yes.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I accept how I feel.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: I realize like I've for work I talk out out loud a lot, um, to prepare or just to kind of hear myself, but it wasn't until probably the last year did I realize that when I'm trying to process other things in my personal life or I'm or I'm thinking about things about myself, if I said those things out loud, how would it sound?
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: Got it.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: And specifically about again, the grace.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: If somebody that was a loved one or somebody that I knew cared about me, if they said those words to me that I was saying to myself, how would I feel?
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: If the answer is no, then why am why are those in my head?
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes we think they're they don't sound as critical in our heads until if we said them out loud.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and we realize that self that self-speak, and that's where I think I started to understand grace in the working practice.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, grace is beautiful, it just says that there's room for you in every way that you exist, and that there's love in every way that you exist.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: That that's how I imagine grace as a being.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it's not condoning anything, it's not approving anything, it's not judging anything, it's just saying the totality of your being is this, and it's held with love.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: How would you say that that mindset, and again, one of the reasons I started who's your mama was said, no person ever like, oh, I wish we would have learned these, you know, great life lessons later in life if we can pay it forward to tomorrow's future, which are our kids, whether you have kids or not?
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: What a beautiful gift, because they're our future.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: And how would you say that you, as you've learned all the you know the tools that you have that you continue to incorporate and grow from?
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: How have you been communicating that with your kids?
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and and how have you seen that um come through them?
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's funny because my middle child, she's 16.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: I was telling her about um someone that I I like, I would start to see romantically, kind of.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I had created this whole fantasy around what our potential relationship could be like, and I realized that none of that was happening with him.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: And it was it was all happening here, and I was like, okay, well I'm doing that, okay, I accept that.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I was telling her about it, and she goes, Mom, you don't have to worry.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of men want to be with you, and the right one is gonna come along and love you for who you are, for no one else but who you are.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sitting here, like trying not to cry, and then just started tears running down my face.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'm trying not to cry.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm laughing too because a couple of months ago we had had that same conversation about a young gentleman who was not very kind to her.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I always say, It's not that I'm teaching the lesson or like giving them a teaching that lands, it's being us and sharing experiences and loving on people that really land.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: So as a parent, my children have said to me, it's teenagers, mom, you gotta let us make our own mistakes.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Okay, great, you're gonna make your own mistakes and allowance, like the that breath that says, you know, their life is just as valuable as mine.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: And what they're here to learn when they're here to learn it is important, as opposed to me giving all of the answers, and therefore when they really learn it, they embody it and they are it, and then it comes back to you when you need it the most.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: So good.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: That's so true.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: I I have a 17-year-old daughter, and uh I do single, and and so I've dated, and I would think this was the gauge for me is if my daughter came to me and said someone was treating her a way that I was maybe experiencing.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: If the answer was no to her, why would I accept it for myself?
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and they see what we do, but sometimes it's do as I say, not as I do, which doesn't it's not how it should be.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: And and our kids are such a reflection of us, and to have those moments that must have made you feel so proud to see that even when we think we're not doing the things because there is no yellow book for dummies of parenting and life, is actually again giving ourselves the grace to go, you know what?
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna star myself because that is a bright shining heart, and I'm doing things right.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: And that's me.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: This is why the friend of mine did this.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: You can see the art tape, and it's up and down, and she captured it perfectly.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: All I said to her was I think so many of us after post-pandemic felt like we're on a roller coaster in life, but really trying to give ourselves some grades and understand that we're on a train and we're the conductor and we control the speed.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes we need to put it down, we need to put it in neutral, we didn't get off on the wrong stop, we got on with a different one.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: What do we need?
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: But be proud that we see that, and sometimes it takes parent or not.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, again, that's why community that we bond on is that the ability to grow and and shine and see that reflection is one of life's biggest gifts, I feel like.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I agree.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's lovely.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you could tell your younger self something, what would it be?
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: You're loved and held by forces that you will never understand, and you can rest in that, and you're exactly where you're supposed to be at every moment.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 19:26
  unknown: Yeah.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I feel like we could talk for ages.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: I would love it if you would come back on, and I I know how busy you are, and so I thank you for the gift of having you on today and and sharing.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: I will continue to think about our conversations and I know others will too.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: And so thank you again, Kiana Webb, for being on Who's Your Mama.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: And as we always sign off here, let's go, y'all.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: The time is now.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go, y'all.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: The time is now.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for tuning into Who's Your Mama.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I look forward to collaborating from a community standpoint for the next episodes.