Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #216| How Women Are Trained to Burn Out Without Ever Realizing It
Transcript
- 0:00Michelle Gauthier: Some people, women mostly, are socialized to give, while others, often men, are allowed to just be.
- 0:13Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
- 0:20Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
- 0:25Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences.
- 0:30Michelle Gauthier: And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.
- 0:40Michelle Gauthier: Hi, friend.
- 0:41Michelle Gauthier: Today I am reviewing a book called Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski.
- 0:50Michelle Gauthier: They're definitely sisters.
- 0:51Michelle Gauthier: They might even be twins.
- 0:52Michelle Gauthier: I can't remember.
- 0:53Michelle Gauthier: If you've listened to one of my book reviews before, I have two goals in mind.
- 0:58Michelle Gauthier: One is to give you information that can just help you today.
- 1:01Michelle Gauthier: Maybe there's one little takeaway you can take and implement and take it away.
- 1:05Michelle Gauthier: And then to help you decide if this is a book that you might want to read.
- 1:09Michelle Gauthier: So when you listen today, you'll learn why burnout isn't just about being too busy.
- 1:13Michelle Gauthier: It really gets to the root of what's causing it in your body and how to complete the stress cycle.
- 1:19Michelle Gauthier: If you're like, what is a stress cycle?
- 1:21Michelle Gauthier: You're going to find that out too, so that you can stop carrying stress in your body and what human giver syndrome is and how women are basically trained to burnout.
- 1:30Michelle Gauthier: This book is right up our alley here on overwhelmed working women because we're talking about emotional exhaustion, people pleasing, the pressure to keep it all together, and what happens when you do that, which is essentially overwhelm and burnout.
- 1:43Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so let's jump into it.
- 1:45Michelle Gauthier: I really liked this book.
- 1:47Michelle Gauthier: I thought it was interesting because I talk a lot about mindset and thoughts.
- 1:52Michelle Gauthier: And I also believe that all of our feelings and our stress shows up in our body.
- 1:56Michelle Gauthier: And this book talks a lot about that, about the stress that's happening in your body.
- 2:02Michelle Gauthier: So one of the things that was really helpful to me from this book was the idea that stress is a biological process.
- 2:09Michelle Gauthier: So it's not just in your mind.
- 2:11Michelle Gauthier: Yes, it's a feeling and it's in your mind, and there are thoughts about that stress, but it's also in your body.
- 2:17Michelle Gauthier: And the way that they describe it in the book is that burnout happens when we don't complete that stress cycle that is happening for all of us.
- 2:26Michelle Gauthier: So we just on a regular day, we wake up and we go from stressor to stressor.
- 2:32Michelle Gauthier: So you commute to work, you have a stressful meeting, one of your kids calls you while you're trying to work, you're trying to solve whatever problem they're having.
- 2:40Michelle Gauthier: You get home, you don't have stuff for dinner, you gotta make dinner, and you go back and write all the emails that you didn't get to write when you were at the office without ever signaling to our body that the danger is over, the danger of a stressful situation.
- 2:55Michelle Gauthier: So our body will sometimes feel like we are truly in danger when we are, for example, commuting or writing an email back to someone who feels really stressful to us.
- 3:06Michelle Gauthier: So our body gets mixed up and feels like we're being chased by a tiger all day, except the tiger is like you're inbox in the example that I was just using.
- 3:14Michelle Gauthier: And when that stress cycle doesn't complete, it gets stuck.
- 3:18Michelle Gauthier: And think about that stress just being stuck in your body and building up over time.
- 3:23Michelle Gauthier: That's what creates burnout.
- 3:25Michelle Gauthier: The good thing is you're not just out of luck on this.
- 3:29Michelle Gauthier: In the book, they share science-backed ways to complete the stress cycle.
- 3:32Michelle Gauthier: There's lots about this in the book, but some of them are movement, not for the calories, but for the release.
- 3:38Michelle Gauthier: So walking or dancing or shaking it out, like physically, literally shaking your whole body.
- 3:43Michelle Gauthier: Crying physically completes the stress response.
- 3:46Michelle Gauthier: Boy, wish I had known that years ago.
- 3:48Michelle Gauthier: Laughter, belly laughs.
- 3:50Michelle Gauthier: I laugh even just saying the word laughter.
- 3:52Michelle Gauthier: It is so true though.
- 3:53Michelle Gauthier: When you're stressed out and you have a real belly laugh, it's amazing what that can do for you.
- 3:58Michelle Gauthier: Affection or connection, so a 20-second hug with someone who feels really safe.
- 4:02Michelle Gauthier: Breath work, especially when you exhale longer than you inhale.
- 4:07Michelle Gauthier: So their point in the book is those aren't nice to haves that you should do at the end of the day.
- 4:11Michelle Gauthier: They say they're as necessary as brushing your teeth when you go to bed.
- 4:14Michelle Gauthier: Love that whole concept.
- 4:16Michelle Gauthier: The other concept that kind of blew my mind was the idea of human giver syndrome and explains so much about women.
- 4:24Michelle Gauthier: The name human giver comes from the idea that some people, women mostly, caretakers, people pleasers, are socialized to give, while others, often men, are allowed to just be, right?
- 4:37Michelle Gauthier: So men can be human beings and women have to be human givers.
- 4:42Michelle Gauthier: What they talk about in the book is that we're essentially taught, even if someone didn't sit you down and teach you this, that your job is to be helpful, pleasant, attractive, accommodating, and that your worth is then developed on how much you give to others.
- 4:57Michelle Gauthier: We also learn that saying no is selfish and that our emotions are too much unless those emotions are happy and grateful.
- 5:04Michelle Gauthier: So if that rings a bell with you, then you too might be a human giver.
- 5:09Michelle Gauthier: If you're a human giver, the solution to that is just realizing that you are one.
- 5:13Michelle Gauthier: And if you've been listening to this podcast, then you probably know if you are or not.
- 5:19Michelle Gauthier: And there's lots of ways to stop people pleasing, to say no, and to stop putting others first all the time.
- 5:27Michelle Gauthier: And then the third thing that I really took from this book is that burnout isn't a time problem, it's an emotional one.
- 5:33Michelle Gauthier: So what they say in the book is you're not burned out because you're doing too much.
- 5:37Michelle Gauthier: Yes, you're probably doing too much, but the burnout is caused because you're suppressing too much.
- 5:43Michelle Gauthier: So we're not just busy, we're holding in resentment, we're holding in grief, we're holding in disappointment, we're holding in stress, and on top of that, we're smiling all the way through it.
- 5:53Michelle Gauthier: So this book isn't do less.
- 5:55Michelle Gauthier: It's basically feel your feelings, process your stress, give your body a chance to come back where it feels safe.
- 6:03Michelle Gauthier: You've probably heard me say this before, but our body keeps the score so that when you have an emotion, if you don't allow that emotion to be processed, you can shove it down, but it doesn't make them go away.
- 6:15Michelle Gauthier: It's just being stored there.
- 6:16Michelle Gauthier: And so the more disconnected you are from your feelings and not even realizing that you're holding on to this, the more likely you are to burn out.
- 6:25Michelle Gauthier: So the big three takeaways from this book are complete the stress cycle, go for a walk, laugh, hug somebody, that your burnout is really caused from the unprocessed stress.
- 6:36Michelle Gauthier: Recognize if you're a human giver or a human being, or sometimes both, and notice that you are probably conditioned to be that way and remember that you can decide to become a different way.
- 6:49Michelle Gauthier: Feel your feelings, emotional suppression is exhausting, and honesty and just feeling those feelings is what starts the healing.
- 6:58Michelle Gauthier: I definitely liked this book.
- 6:59Michelle Gauthier: If this sounds like it would be a good one for you, I realized as I was writing this podcast that I have two copies.
- 7:06Michelle Gauthier: I don't actually know why I have two copies of the book.
- 7:09Michelle Gauthier: But if this sounds like one you'd like to read and you're the first person to send me a message about it, I will happily drop this book in the mail for you.
- 7:16Michelle Gauthier: Okay, that's it for today.
- 7:18Michelle Gauthier: Have a great week.
- 7:19Michelle Gauthier: Go for a little walk, feel your feelings, whatever you gotta do to avoid that burnout.
- 7:28Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
- 7:31Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at MichelleGauthier.com.
- 7:38Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.