Latest / Authentic Living / Using Connection to Overcome Addiction with Allan Kehler
Transcript
- 0:01Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have as conversations about
- 0:08things that really matter in our lives.
- 0:11And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
- 0:35Everyone, it's Roxanne Durgeshofer Authentic Living with Roxanne.
- 0:38Thanks for tuning in again this week.
- 0:40Today, I have a colleague, fellow speaker Alan Callher is Is it Keller or Kelleher?
- 0:47It doesn't even matter.
- 0:48It's Kaler, but nobody would know that.
- 0:50I didn't even get it close to it.
- 0:53Alan is, you know, has worked in as a in the mental health field.
- 0:58As you know, that with my background, I've been in the mental health field for a while, and
- 1:02he's done a lot of, speaking.
- 1:04So I wanted to invite him on today to, just chat a little bit about, you know, mental
- 1:09health issues and and substance abuse disorder.
- 1:12And, you know, just some of the valuable lessons that he's learned.
- 1:15So I'll tell you a little bit of his background.
- 1:18He's had some issues over the years with mental health and substance abuse.
- 1:23And he's learned some valuable life lessons, that's kinda took him on a path of incredible,
- 1:28success.
- 1:29He's one of the Canada's most sought after speakers when it comes to the issues of mental
- 1:34health and wellness.
- 1:36And he's, spoken of on over 500 stages, and he has a dynamic and activating approach, which I
- 1:43can tell already.
- 1:44Having just met, Alan, for the first time today.
- 1:48He left teaching after more than a decade, to focus on speaking or writing, on various topics
- 1:53related to mental health.
- 1:54He has best selling books, 4 of them, and and he's been featured in several national
- 2:00magazines.
- 2:01He lives in Saskatoon, with his wife, four four boys, and four dogs.
- 2:06So double.
- 2:09And a tank of fish.
- 2:10So you're you've got a very busy household.
- 2:12No doubt, Alan.
- 2:14Yes.
- 2:15Yes.
- 2:15It can be rather chaotic at times, but we embrace the AOS.
- 2:20I think you would have to.
- 2:21Right?
- 2:22Like, I mean, you know, what how old are your children?
- 2:25Our oldest is actually twenty one And then we have 18, 11, and 10.
- 2:32My goodness.
- 2:33So you got started early with with your family.
- 2:36Well, I actually Roxanne moved in 3 months sober with my wife and her 2 sons about 10
- 2:42years ago.
- 2:43Okay.
- 2:43Okay.
- 2:44Yeah.
- 2:44That's a whole another story.
- 2:46That previous life of absolute when when we talk about chaos, yeah, my life was chaos
- 2:50before this.
- 2:52So tell us, I mean, obviously, you know, you are been speaking around the area of mental
- 2:57health and, substance abuse, disorder.
- 3:02Tell us a bit about your story and kind of, you know, obviously through something that I, I
- 3:07would think would be have been bit of adversity for you came out something that's positive
- 3:11where you can go out and share a lot of the wisdom.
- 3:14So tell us a little bit about your path and kind of what got you from there to here to be
- 3:19able to teach others some of the things that you've learned.
- 3:22I'll give you the condensed version.
- 3:24I, I mean, basically, I grew up small town, Saskatchewan, four and a half roads small, and
- 3:29we didn't talk about things like mental illness.
- 3:31You know, I didn't know what addictions were, but I can look back and identify that my
- 3:37challenges with mental illness really began in grade 8 with something that was later diagnosed
- 3:42as body dysmorphic disorder where I just I avoided mirrors at all costs for for the next
- 3:4713 years And I I just I didn't know what to do with my thoughts.
- 3:53You know, I thought I was the only one I didn't wanna share them.
- 3:56I hid behind that proverbial mask very well because on the outside, everybody saw something
- 4:02that was so different than what was going on on the inside.
- 4:04Because on the outside, they could see the person who was present to the school athlete of
- 4:09the year, captain of sports teams.
- 4:10And I think I just continuously hid behind that smile, I hid behind the awards.
- 4:17And as we know, obviously, just because someone's smiling does not mean that they are
- 4:21happy, but what was always a hindrance for me was that I just didn't know how to talk about
- 4:28my pain.
- 4:29And obviously, because I didn't talk about it, I saw heard more than anyone else.
- 4:33And all of a sudden, in comes the psychiatrist, and I started to see, oh my gosh, Roxanne.
- 4:38Like, I've, I've probably seen almost 30 different mental health professionals.
- 4:43And I was hit with so many labels.
- 4:46I hated them.
- 4:47Like, I hated them.
- 4:49I felt I felt like the labels defined who I was, and I think it's because I just had no
- 4:56clue who I was that piece about identity?
- 4:59No idea.
- 4:59So you give me a label.
- 5:01I wore it.
- 5:01And I
- 5:01was like, oh, that's who I am.
- 5:03And then I think it was It was 11 or 12 medications that I was on in a span of 6 years
- 5:09to try to find some stability.
- 5:12And I think that it is logical to want to leave behind a life of pain exchange for pleasure,
- 5:18right?
- 5:19And that's what fueled the gambling addictions, the alcohol, And it was just, it was chaos, you
- 5:27know, and I ran from myself.
- 5:29I I left home as soon as I was sixteen for a private school.
- 5:33Then I'm off to Holland for a year.
- 5:34You talk about letting an animal outside of a cage.
- 5:37Like, I just went nuts, Roxanne.
- 5:39I went nuts.
- 5:40And then I just kept running.
- 5:42And eventually, you realized, oh, hang on.
- 5:45You cannot run from self.
- 5:48No matter how hard you try, and then you reach a point where you realize if you want something
- 5:53different, you obviously have to do something different.
- 5:57And I hit many of those proverbial forks in the road, you know, at one point being told, I had
- 6:02a month to live if I didn't change what I was doing and collapsing outside of a a a classroom
- 6:07where I was teaching.
- 6:08I was teaching special ed.
- 6:10But even then, you know, it's it's it's that nobody really knew the magnitude of my
- 6:16struggles, and that was on me.
- 6:19And then I found out pretty quickly that there's nothing more powerful than our voice.
- 6:25And when we start to use our voice, when we start to share our stories and we start to
- 6:29become vulnerable, therefore gives others permission to do the same.
- 6:32And that was really, I guess, what the catalyst was for the whole speaking venture because all
- 6:39of a sudden when I put a voice to it and you hear those 2 beautiful, powerful words, right?
- 6:45The the me too.
- 6:47And just like that, what?
- 6:51You you can relate to some of this.
- 6:53I'm not alone in these thoughts.
- 6:55And that's a powerful thing.
- 6:58So for me, oh my gosh.
- 7:00I look at where I was from Roxanne and where I am.
- 7:03It could not be.
- 7:05It could not be more different.
- 7:07So you started with body dysmorphia, which for for some of the people listening, Alan, that
- 7:13don't know what that is.
- 7:15Try to explain it to them so that they understand kind of, what you were going through
- 7:20and kind of some of the the the thoughts and the perceptions of those thoughts and how it
- 7:26impacted your behavior.
- 7:29It impacted everything because how it started rock in is it was at a great grad where they
- 7:34had, they had all of us stand sideways.
- 7:37And then they took those old projectors and trace over you know, the side profile.
- 7:41Yeah.
- 7:42When I saw that for the first time, it unleashed something where all of a sudden I
- 7:47thought I was this hideous monster.
- 7:49I I hated how I looked.
- 7:51I could never have somebody sit beside me.
- 7:53I couldn't even dribble a basketball, down the basketball court without thinking about of
- 7:58everybody seeing this hideous side.
- 8:00And so it, it influenced everything, not having hair in my armpits.
- 8:05I was pretty fortunate to be gifted at sports, but also I'm not taking shots because, you
- 8:10know, it it's fed into everything.
- 8:12If somebody touched my hair, I couldn't even function socially.
- 8:16I had to go home, and then came diagnoses of of bipolar disorder.
- 8:22Of OCD, schizophrenia.
- 8:25I mean, it just kept coming.
- 8:28So at some point, so you leave home and you're you're carrying this like, you know, that's
- 8:36such a good term when you said you can't run from yourself.
- 8:38So as this as a psychotherapist, I see people trying.
- 8:41And and as human beings, I would say that we're quite we're quite creative in the things that
- 8:46we figure out.
- 8:47Right?
- 8:47Sometimes it's more out there like substances and gambling and stuff, but some people work
- 8:53too much some people shock too much.
- 8:56These are more acceptable, but in your case, yours was kind of out there with more
- 9:01destructive behavior.
- 9:02Was that what was started to happen with you?
- 9:05I did not have the tools to manage my pain, so I looked outside of myself to do I mean, even
- 9:10for me, when we talk about substance use disorder or, you know, addiction, for me, it's
- 9:14very simple.
- 9:15It's trying to live outside of ourselves so that we don't have to be with self.
- 9:19If anybody tried to make me look in look within, I just repelled.
- 9:24Do not make me feel And I and, I mean, you and I both know this.
- 9:28It's it's pain that fuels those behaviors, those disorders.
- 9:33And so I would just lose myself in any activity.
- 9:37And and that's just logical too, isn't it?
- 9:40That if we can't form a connection with our self, we're going to form connections with
- 9:45things outside of ourselves, and usually they're not healthy.
- 9:47And therefore, I was continuously trying to harm or kill myself.
- 9:53So how long did that trajectory go on and what were some of the now that you look back and I'm
- 10:00sure when you're on stage, you're telling your story which must be quite powerful and
- 10:04riveting, were there points in gaps in time that you kind of thought, I gotta do something
- 10:10different here?
- 10:12Or did they kind of close-up quickly and then you moved on again to, you know, to to continue
- 10:16the hiding from yourself?
- 10:20There are many glimpses.
- 10:21It's kind of that process, two steps forward, one step back.
- 10:25There are many pivotal moments where somebody said that one thing that, you know, I planted
- 10:31and stored later, but until I was ready to change, then nothing could happen.
- 10:37There was there was a teacher who was very instrumental in my ability to change.
- 10:43His name was E.
- 10:43McNeil, and, and, the shortened suite of it is that in an auditorium of 300 students, I being
- 10:49a student, he came up to me after one of those lectures, and he just said, come to my office,
- 10:54Al.
- 10:55Let's talk.
- 10:56And I thought, well, okay.
- 10:59I've talked to you a handful of times.
- 11:00What what is this all about?
- 11:02And it was really interesting Roxanne because it forced me to be vulnerable.
- 11:09But vulnerability always leads to reward in some way, shape, or form.
- 11:13And when I got into his office, it was his approach that I just found really intriguing
- 11:19because, you know, every day we say, how are you doing?
- 11:21Which which is just robotic.
- 11:23And he said, how are you doing today, Alan?
- 11:26But it was the compassion that was intriguing.
- 11:30It was his engagement, and I could tell that he was coming from this place of love and he
- 11:35understood that that nobody wants to be fixed.
- 11:38He understood that we all wanna be seen.
- 11:40We all wanna be supported He put the ball in my court.
- 11:42He kinda asked me that $1,000,000 question.
- 11:45Are you happy?
- 11:46I, Ian.
- 11:48No.
- 11:49No.
- 11:49In.
- 11:50I'm not happy.
- 11:51Okay.
- 11:52Well, what are you gonna do about it?
- 11:54And so it was at that point that he then gave me resources, and that was a place where I
- 12:00realized, okay.
- 12:02Okay.
- 12:03I have all these tools at my disposal.
- 12:05Now it comes down to choice.
- 12:07And and he he, the key continuously played that role of checking in, not being too forceful.
- 12:15And I I find Roxanne so many people.
- 12:20It's horrible to see people that you love that you care about struggling.
- 12:24But it really comes back to what can you control and what can you not what do you have
- 12:28to surrender?
- 12:29And and that's what Ian did a beautiful job of, and he just helped me I guess, essentially take
- 12:35my power back and and use my voice.
- 12:38And and, he was just always in my corner cheering me on.
- 12:43So he was able to hold the space and be gentle enough for you to be feel seen and but he
- 12:51didn't direct you in a way that made you feel feel controlled.
- 12:55Is is that I don't I mean, that's a hard space, right, because I know a lot of people that are
- 12:59listening probably thinking if they're dealing with somebody that has, let's say, an
- 13:04addiction, that's a tough place to be sometimes because you see maybe someone saying they want
- 13:10to change, then they go out and, you know, they go on a kind of a bit of a run or something.
- 13:17And then, you know, they start using more and more.
- 13:20So for anybody that's listening, let's say maybe struggling with a family member or
- 13:24something like that.
- 13:26What what kind of words of guidance would you give them to really support someone in the same
- 13:31place, way that Ian did with you?
- 13:34It's this simple.
- 13:37It is this simple where you can simply approach someone and say, I don't mean to cry.
- 13:42I just wanna let you know that I'm concerned.
- 13:45I want to let you know that I'd be more than happy to listen if you ever needed to talk.
- 13:50That is it.
- 13:52It's not about fixing.
- 13:54It's it's about that validation.
- 13:56For me, I think we have those 2 basic needs see me hear me?
- 14:00You put a statement like that out there.
- 14:01You just said, I see you.
- 14:05Now whether or not they act on the invite, then it comes back to, well, is that in your
- 14:11controller out of your control?
- 14:12And, obviously, it's completely out of your control, but when they are ready to then talk,
- 14:20I mean, elders always tell us.
- 14:22We have we have 2 ears and one mouth for a reason.
- 14:25The the most powerful gift I believe and you alluded to this earlier Roxanne is create the
- 14:29space.
- 14:30Right?
- 14:31And there's numbers out there, like, I don't know, 7% of the way that we communicate is
- 14:35verbal, but it's those 93.
- 14:37It's it's what Ian gave me.
- 14:39You know, he was engaged.
- 14:40He was leaning forward.
- 14:41There was compassion.
- 14:42There was love.
- 14:43And he did not talk.
- 14:44He gave me the ability to just be free from those emotions because emotions are energy.
- 14:52And all that the man did, he did nothing and yet he did, I would say everything because he
- 14:57created that space so that I could be free from some of those emotions.
- 15:01Yeah.
- 15:02And and that's like the definition of healing for me is pretty simple.
- 15:07The more that you can get the darkness out the more room you're gonna make for light.
- 15:13That's a gift that we can give people.
- 15:16And you know what?
- 15:16It's, you know, in my years, as a psychotherapist, I often I would hear people
- 15:21saying this would blow my mind.
- 15:23You know, they would say, you know, do you know I've never sat across I've never felt loved,
- 15:27and I go, you know, how is that, you know, how is that possible?
- 15:32And sometimes people's stories are so, you know, they're really it's hard for them to be
- 15:38able to share because they feel so closed off, right?
- 15:41Like, I don't feel like I'm valuable enough to be loved because I don't think I've experienced
- 15:45love.
- 15:46And, you know, sometimes it's saying nothing, like to your point, but that's a tough thing
- 15:52from a lot of people to do, right, to real really just kind of sit in that space and to
- 15:56see someone like myself, lord help you.
- 15:58That must be, okay.
- 16:01I'm not gonna do that because they're petrified of someone like myself, and I always say to
- 16:05people, I'm just a person.
- 16:07I'm just here to kinda hang out with you and see if we can kinda work together, but there's
- 16:12that demystifying part of what what gets associated with, any kind of mental health,
- 16:18right, because I I also see it's on a spectrum.
- 16:20Right?
- 16:20Any of us could get pushed over if you don't have, like, a bit of a biological element,
- 16:25maybe there is biology.
- 16:26But oftentimes, Gaborate talks about, you know, the you know, and I'm sure you know who Gabor
- 16:32is, the small percentage of people that actually come into this world related to
- 16:37completely just biological diseases, and a lot of it gets developed by, you know, whether we
- 16:44call it small t trauma, which is little things all the way up to the gamut of any kind of, you
- 16:49know, horrendous atrocity kind of thing.
- 16:53So it's it's hard for a lot of people to get help.
- 16:56So with with you, like you said, Ian helped you.
- 17:00You went through a trajectory of things.
- 17:02At some point, what starts to kinda happen internally that made you think, alright, Alan,
- 17:09you gotta do something.
- 17:10You gotta do something here.
- 17:11Cause I think a lot of people have that thought but they're afraid to make that step.
- 17:19Yeah.
- 17:19We naturally fear change, don't we?
- 17:22And I think that for myself and what I find with a lot of men is it comes down to the fear
- 17:29of being vulnerable, the view of being judged, the perception that comes with it.
- 17:34I met an elder who I respect, and this was a turning point for me where he says, Al, you are
- 17:41not the only person who has experienced mental illness.
- 17:44And he said, Al, you're not the only person who struggled with addiction.
- 17:48And he said, Al, you are not the only person who's been sexually abused.
- 17:52If you want something different, go get it because this world owes you nothing.
- 17:58Mhmm.
- 17:59And I thought.
- 18:00Okay.
- 18:01First of all, that's rather direct.
- 18:05And I was very pissed off, but as you chew on that, there's a lot of truth.
- 18:12And so What had to happen for me is the victim mentality had to be removed.
- 18:18It it it did not serve me.
- 18:20And and so the the biggest thing Roxanne that I did is I started to surround myself with others
- 18:27who spoke my language.
- 18:28And when I say that, I mean, I had to get into spaces where other people had similar lived
- 18:35experiences.
- 18:36That was my saving grace.
- 18:38And it was awful.
- 18:40It was awful to get myself into that first Gavin's anonymous meeting.
- 18:45You know, I I mean, I I sat in my car and just cried, cried, cried.
- 18:49I was so terrified to open up that door because if I walk into that building, well, then it's
- 18:53real.
- 18:54And denial is just, and I don't know.
- 18:58It's it's what I knew.
- 19:00I was more comfortable there.
- 19:01I finally got myself in AA.
- 19:03I got myself into men support groups who've been sexually abused.
- 19:07Like, the, the fear the terror, the anxiety, talk about overwhelming, but you find out
- 19:16pretty quick and we talked about this before that you have to take risks if you want any
- 19:23shot at having rewards And all of a sudden, I started to see rewards.
- 19:27And, and, you know, I learned very quickly that I had to surround myself with people who lift
- 19:31me up, not down.
- 19:32I had no clue at boundaries were.
- 19:34Those were stripped for me, you know, through acts of sexual abuse.
- 19:37And and so it was it was very hard to rebuild.
- 19:42It was very hard to find value in me as a person, and it and it still is.
- 19:52But you you get those glimmers of happiness.
- 19:56And by no means, my sitting here saying that, you know, I find life all happy and, joyous.
- 20:03Like, it's hard.
- 20:04It is flat out hard, right, for me.
- 20:07And many people, But the difference is that I have found ways to utilize strategies, surround
- 20:16myself of people who really get me, right, and, understand the power hope, like, and and
- 20:23resilience.
- 20:23It's a buzzword, but really for me, like, I look back and for every one of us, we have
- 20:29survived a 100% of our most challenging days.
- 20:32Right.
- 20:33And I often say, and, you know, something you may not know about me is that Chrome is one of
- 20:38my specialties.
- 20:39So I've, been involved.
- 20:41I live here in Niagara Falls, and I've been involved, for 25 years with the sexual assault
- 20:45center here, right out of university, I started to volunteer and then I got involved.
- 20:50And, you know, what I found interesting is that a lot of times in addiction centers, and this
- 20:55is data that from the center that I was at was 1 out of 6 men that were sexually abusing 1 out
- 21:01of 3 women.
- 21:02So the reality is there's a lot of people that are have been wounded, unfortunately, in this
- 21:08way, and the pain is so high that they're trying to find a way to quiet the pain.
- 21:14And you know, unfortunately, if they don't make these some of these connections you're
- 21:17suggesting, they live in that pain because you're trying to avoid the pain you know,
- 21:22instead of figuring out, like you said, if I tell one person, then that secret doesn't start
- 21:28to define me in the same way.
- 21:30It takes a step a bit at a time, you know, and after a while, people are like, and I've, you
- 21:35know, the thing is that what I found interesting with men is that with survivors men
- 21:41open up so much quicker once they're safe.
- 21:43Women?
- 21:44Not so much.
- 21:45It's women are the talkers.
- 21:47Right?
- 21:48So I've done both groups.
- 21:50But, man, once you get them into safety, I'm like, woah.
- 21:53It's like opening this flood gate And, you know, and then they were the depth of
- 21:58connection that got created in those rooms was amazing to watch.
- 22:03So you know, I I'm so happy when you share that for anybody listening that has been through the
- 22:08kind of pain that you're talking about that they recognize you're not defined by your pain,
- 22:14but it takes you have to risk to trust somebody to be safe again.
- 22:21Yeah.
- 22:21Well said.
- 22:22Totally agree.
- 22:23You know, it's it's, so for people that are listening, you know, because a lot of times,
- 22:30the people that listen in, they, you know, they're they may be struggling or they're
- 22:34thinking, you know, what should I what's the first step that I should take out?
- 22:39Like, what is it that I should do?
- 22:41Because that you know what?
- 22:42The these negative thoughts outweigh my positives, and I feel shitty most of the time.
- 22:47And I don't know what's the first little step that I can take.
- 22:49What would you tell someone listening?
- 22:52Roxanne, I firmly believe the darkness begs to see the light of day.
- 22:57Like, it it begs to see light of day.
- 22:59For me in hindsight, my downfall was that I continuously isolated.
- 23:03I withdrew.
- 23:03I didn't put a voice to my pain.
- 23:05So stay 1, they think in some way, shape, or form, the emotions that have been suppressed
- 23:11have got to come out in a healthy way.
- 23:13And it's not necessarily the talk therapy that a lot of people think of because for me, I
- 23:19don't, I still don't trust people.
- 23:22And I'm, you know, I'm I'm a work in progress, but I can tell a piece of paper anything.
- 23:28And pen and paper became one of my greatest outlets for some culture, for some it's music.
- 23:33But I think the first step is you have to get to a place where what I'm doing is not working.
- 23:39And for me, I I always said, like, Damn it.
- 23:42There there has to be more to life.
- 23:44There has to be.
- 23:46I just I just didn't quite know how to get there, and it it's not like it all comes at 1.
- 23:50But it's, it's like the, whatever that's saying is to, to get to a thousand miles, it starts
- 23:55with one step.
- 23:56But, truly, you you have to start to do something different.
- 24:01Yeah.
- 24:01And that's going to require being vulnerable.
- 24:04And I find that often we are our greatest barriers.
- 24:09That that last book that I wrote on minimal health when I interviewed all of them in, that
- 24:13was the theme And what the beautiful thing was, what people thought was going to happen did not
- 24:19happen.
- 24:20They were actually met with compassion.
- 24:22They were met with love, and that's that's what I'm saying.
- 24:24We we've gotta get out of this.
- 24:28Absolutely.
- 24:28And I think, unfortunately, I have a twenty year old son and, I often would say, you know,
- 24:36I grew up with sisters and one brother, but that men aren't afforded the opportunities that
- 24:42women are to share.
- 24:43Right?
- 24:43Like, and and then I, and then I have a boy.
- 24:47And I would see the difference right when he would have to shift.
- 24:52You know, he was a little boy and then he started to play, let's say, use like, he played
- 24:56hockey, and I could see how he had to make that shift to toughen up.
- 25:00And I would say to him, you know, you can you can be that person when you're playing a sport,
- 25:05but you still have to stay connected to who you are.
- 25:08And it was interesting to see all the little boys that had to shift into something else.
- 25:13And all of a sudden, they start to become teenagers, and then they were kinda, you know,
- 25:17being, kind of more insular within the selves.
- 25:20And then, you know, if anything, I'm so happy to have you have this conversation because I
- 25:24think we have to get the word out there that boys, need to get connected probably even more
- 25:32or equally on the same level as girls when they learn about communication and connection
- 25:36because we're we're doing a disservice in the men out there that are not learning how to
- 25:41communicate early.
- 25:43And here's the main thing if we, as men, cannot give ourselves permission to feel, to be
- 25:51vulnerable, to perhaps shed a tick tier, to reach out for support, Why the hell would the
- 25:55boys?
- 25:56Like, boys are training to be men, and it's one thing to talk about it.
- 26:00It's another to model it and see it.
- 26:02And and I am seeing a lot of men who are at that place of, like, I I can't do this anymore.
- 26:10I'm done with the hiding.
- 26:11I'm done with the the shame, and so they put a voice to it.
- 26:15And, of course, that's where vulnerability breeds vulnerability.
- 26:20For sure.
- 26:21This has been a a deep interview, for anybody that wants to connect with you or by, you know,
- 26:30any of your books or to get you for speaking or training.
- 26:34Where would they get a hold of yours?
- 26:35And is there anything you want to say as last words before we close off?
- 26:41I guess, Roxanne, first of all, I appreciate the opportunity to put a face and voice of some
- 26:46of these issues.
- 26:48I appreciate your time and anyone who takes the time to listen.
- 26:51The, the best way is probably through my website, which is a l
- 26:54landkehler.comallankaylor.com.
- 26:59There's a contact form.
- 27:02And, last words, I think it just comes down to if if you're struggling, like, you're only
- 27:11alone when you choose to be alone, and realizing the power of just putting a voice to
- 27:17some of your pain and and being free from some of it.
- 27:20Life can No.
- 27:23That would be hard, but it can also be enjoyable.
- 27:26Absolutely.
- 27:26It couldn't have been better said.
- 27:29So I always say to people, when I when I've treated them over the years, you are not
- 27:35defined by your pain.
- 27:37Right?
- 27:37Yes.
- 27:38It will override you.
- 27:39But to take that step, like Alan's saying, just take some small step to connect in some way.
- 27:46And the first step is always the scariest and avoidance is our biggest enemy.
- 27:51So if, you know, with the more that you can try to just step into it and allow somebody to get
- 27:57close or have some kind of interaction that shows you that trust is possible, then you open
- 28:03up a a universe to possibilities of, things in your life that makes you look forward versus
- 28:09looking in the rearview mirror.
- 28:11So thanks a lot again, Alan, and for anyone, needing information, on authenticity and
- 28:17connection at at home or at with your, leaders and your teams at work, you can reach me at
- 28:23Roxanne Derhodge dotcom.
- 28:26Thanks for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne.
- 28:29Creating the space for positive the change.
- 28:33Roxanne is a keynote speaker, psychotherapist, and coach to work with Roxanne, visit roxanne
- 28:40Durhaj.com/blueprint.
- 28:43We'll see you next time on authentic living with Roxanne.