Latest / Authentic Living / Mindfulness, PTSD and the ROR: Return On Relationships with Brandy Maslowski

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Mindfulness, PTSD and the ROR: Return On Relationships with Brandy Maslowski · Authentic Living

• 0:01
  Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have as conversations about
• 0:08
  things that really matter in our lives.
• 0:11
  And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
• 0:36
  Everyone, it's Roxanne Derhodge.
• 0:38
  Thanks for tuning in again today.
• 0:39
  Up to authentic living with Roxanne.
• 0:42
  Today I have somebody that I think is gonna be kind of fascinating and Her name is Brandy
• 0:50
  Maslowski, and she she is a different background from someone that I think I would
• 0:56
  have interviewed before because she has unique skills, in quilting.
• 1:04
  Which I know nothing about, which I have to admit.
• 1:08
  And how that plays through with healing So, Randy is, a speaker as well.
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  And, so I'm I'm very, very curious about what she does in the world and how does one grow up?
• 1:24
  To go out and speak and train and heal others through quilting.
• 1:28
  So, Brandy, thanks for being here today.
• 1:32
  Thank you, Roxanne.
• 1:33
  I'm really excited to be on this show because this is just such an important topic talking
• 1:39
  about how we can use craft in our life to help with our own personal healing.
• 1:46
  Well, you know, I often think.
• 1:48
  Right?
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  So I I have a son and when I was young, when he was young, I'm a 2 crafts and then he kind of
• 1:56
  phased out.
• 1:57
  Right?
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  So, you know, I did it, which I loved because, you know, when, you know, when you're younger,
• 2:02
  you think nothing of all the stuff that it, you know, it's such a important part of play.
• 2:08
  Right?
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  We think nothing of it.
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  But when you start to kinda get older, and you don't you don't think of it as an option.
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  So I think I love the fact that you do it and I I, you know, wanna learn, kind of what you do
• 2:22
  in you know, for people that are listening to the audio, you're not gonna see this room that,
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  Brandy's in, but I I can see there's, like, schools of stuff and drawers and you know,
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  there's a Canadian flag back there, in a picture.
• 2:37
  Lots of it just looks like a kind of place that you'd wanna tinker around in.
• 2:42
  So, Brandy, tell me, how did this is gonna be interesting?
• 2:47
  How did this all get started?
• 2:51
  Well, you know, it is kind of an interesting story because I have moved in my career from
• 2:58
  firefighter to quilter, to quilt professional, and It's kind of like one of those stories
• 3:03
  where you've taken your side, gig your passion, and you've made it your real deal.
• 3:08
  But I have a history in firefighting In Central Canada, I was a firefighter for 15 years before
• 3:14
  I moved across Canada to BC.
• 3:16
  And in those 15 years as a firefighter I experienced, a great deal of traumatic
• 3:23
  incidents on the scenes and moved into the public education to sort of get away from that
• 3:30
  what I was seeing and trying to deal with.
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  And then once I moved into public education, I had the trauma of a toxic workplace.
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  So there are all kinds of things that have happened along my life, that, you know, made me
• 3:45
  feel like I was too much or I was not enough or, you know, I felt like people were saying,
• 3:50
  who do you think you are being a female in this man's world and those kind of things?
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  So I dealt with all that for many, many years.
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  And eventually, I I just had to walk away from that because I couldn't I couldn't cope with
• 4:03
  how to deal with it or make it better.
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  I wasn't going to change other people.
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  I had to fix myself and deal with the healing myself.
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  So we moved across Canada and my passion for quilting was always something that I did on the
• 4:18
  side.
• 4:19
  And I didn't realize until a decade into it that I was using this craft as a form of
• 4:25
  healing for myself.
• 4:27
  And, you know, every time something traumatic happened in my life, whether it was the
• 4:31
  workplace or the loss of a grandparent, I would dive into my craft room or my studio and I
• 4:37
  would just start creating and it would really help me work through those emotions.
• 4:42
  So that's kind of the beginnings of my story, and it just blossomed from there.
• 4:47
  So let's let's back up a little bit because, That's an untraditional career.
• 4:55
  Right?
• 4:56
  At the time, you were probably getting and and it's still pretty untraditional for females.
• 5:02
  It's it's I would see it's coming along, but it's still not a conventional job that we would
• 5:08
  hear about a lot of females going into.
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  What made you want to enter into fire by me?
• 5:15
  That's a
• 5:15
  really good question because I don't like looking back, I think, why on earth did I put
• 5:20
  myself through that career?
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  You know?
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  But the reality is I had an English degree.
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  I didn't know what I was gonna do.
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  Is it gonna become a poet?
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  Like, what do you do with an English degree?
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  Was it gonna go into education or physical education or something like that?
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  And right at the time when I graduated from university, I saw this big ad in the newspaper
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  for we're looking for firefighters and I thought I mean, it just hit me right in the
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  heart because, I mean, decades later having gone through years years of counseling.
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  I know that I became a firefighter because my dad's a firefighter, and I wanted to please
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  him.
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  And and my uncle's a firefighter, my great grandfather, and it really hit me in the But
• 6:00
  back then, I had no idea.
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  I was trying to please a father in a family that was split up and all that kind of stuff.
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  Now I understand what I did, but Going into firefighting, I really believe that, you know,
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  women were equal and they're, you know, everything was kinda wonderful and, you know,
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  women's lib was over, but I was really quite wrong when I got into it, and I I faced the
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  challenges every single day that women face to this day on jobs that are primarily led by men.
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  So interesting.
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  Right?
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  Like because you grew up in a family that clearly as as a girl, you thought nothing of,
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  you know, entering, male dominated kind of environment.
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  So you think, hey.
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  I'm gonna I'm gonna become a firefighter.
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  Right?
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  And then you go in What was some of the I'm gonna say rude awakenings that you came up
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  against as a young firefighter?
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  Well, the first kind of surprise was that my father, I mean, my father was so supportive and
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  amazing going through the process of becoming a firefighter but the first thing he said to me
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  was, oh, no.
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  You you you don't wanna be a firefighter.
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  And I was like, I can do it.
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  He goes, oh, there's no question in my mind, you can do it.
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  He goes, but you're gonna be dealing with some stuff.
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  He he knew how I was gonna be treated before I even got on.
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  But regardless, he he backed me up, supported me, lifted me up.
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  He we worked so hard together to pass helped me pass the physicals and everything, but the big
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  thing that I encountered, the first thing that really opened my eyes was in the job related So
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  it was a 9 month process way back then in 1995.
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  It was 9 months to get on the job for me and we went through all these different testings and
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  physicals, and the last thing was the job related physical.
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  And I went to that physical.
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  There was about maybe twenty four people that day doing the job related physical all men.
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  I was the only female that day.
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  And one by one, people were failing out because they dropped something or fell off they they
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  they got tested for their, I don't know, their vision and they they found out they were color
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  blind and they didn't know it or, you know, there are people getting dropping like flies 1
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  by 1.
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  And there was probably about 18 of us left, and we were cheering each other on.
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  The men were cheering for me.
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  I was cheering for them.
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  We kind of got cohesive there, but the last thing we did that day was the ladder lift.
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  And this is the thing I'll describe where you have to walk up to a line, pick up a ladder,
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  put it on a wall, and then take it back off the wall, and put it back behind the line without
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  lifting your ankles when you put it on the wall.
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  And taking female male out of the equation, this is a hard exercise to do if you're short
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  and I'm generally shorter than the average man.
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  I'm five eight, so I'm pretty tall, but, you know, a lot of men are are sick foot tall.
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  Right?
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  And this this was designed for men.
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  All these exercises were designed for with men in mind.
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  And so this was really difficult for me to do.
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  And so I did it, and I had practiced in my dad's barn over and over again.
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  We knew this test was coming.
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  I walked up there and slammed that ladder on the wall, picked it up, put it back, slammed it
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  down, and I cheered, like, alone saying, yes.
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  So I did it.
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  Right?
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  But the problem with the whole test was at the end there before we started that test, the
• 9:34
  officers called my name first to do it first, and then they brought me into this secluded
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  outbuilding and closed the doors, and we do it in seclusion.
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  I was like, oh, okay.
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  So I did it.
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  And then when it came out and opened the doors, My dad was there in plain clothes and he was
• 9:49
  looking at me and he was like, did you do it?
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  I said, well, of course I did.
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  I would have been kicked out if I didn't do it.
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  And then my dad kind of looked away kind of sheepishly, like, he kind of knew, oh, they
• 10:01
  might have given me a second chance because I'm the token female.
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  And what they did in that moment was they flew open the doors.
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  They corralled all the other men in, and they all did it in front of everyone, and I was the
• 10:14
  only one who did it in seclusion.
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  And from that moment on, I realized like, oh, no one's ever gonna know that I did it myself
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  gonna think I got a few chances.
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  I'll never be able to prove that I really did it.
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  Right?
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  So one of the opportunity to have demonstrated your clear capacity, like, you know, it on the
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  first on the first you didn't even know when a second go.
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  Yeah.
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  Absolutely.
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  Yeah.
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  So that was the first inroads into recognizing that maybe the disparity that dad was alluding
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  to was really, in fact, deep rooted in kind of the Yeah.
• 10:52
  The field that you were picking.
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  Yeah.
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  And he knew, like, he really knew deep down that I was gonna be treated quite poorly
• 10:59
  throughout my career, but he also really believed I'd be able to deal with it and, you
• 11:03
  know, the next big thing that really was kind of crushing, like, kind of, you know, you can
• 11:08
  get your spirit a little bit bit by bit.
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  And the next thing that happened immediately in the 1st 16 weeks of training once I got on the
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  job was the officer in charge told there was a couple females in the class, which was really
• 11:22
  unusual, and he told 2 of us who had long hair that we had to cut our hair off.
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  And he said it was in the collective agreement, and he made it sound so official.
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  And, this there was this beaut a black woman, a friend of mine who had to cut her her braids
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  off and I cut my hair off.
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  And, when we got on the job after 16 weeks, and we met a couple of the other women on the job.
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  They were like, you did what?
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  You do not have to cut your hair off.
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  You simply have to have it off your collar and curled up and under your helmet.
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  And I was so devastated mostly for rows really because she had these gorgeous lifelong braids
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  and never day has she ever grown them back?
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  I mean, I was lucky.
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  You know, my hair grows quite quickly, but
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  Brandy, what year what year was this in?
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  That was 1995.
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  Wow.
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  Not that long ago.
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  Yeah.
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  Wow.
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  Wow.
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  You know, and when we confronted him later, like, we didn't have to cut it.
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  He's like, yeah.
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  Well, you really should have.
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  I wanted you.
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  I thought, you know, like, it was not, it was his own personal decision to tell us, and it
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  wasn't anything we were required to do.
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  So was preset.
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  A lot of opportunity to have things to heal from.
• 12:34
  Yeah.
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  Yeah.
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  Other than the actual, actual tasks associated with what happens in firefighting.
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  Yeah.
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  Yeah.
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  And, you know, I think like I would say the 1st 5 years when I was on the fire trucks, the
• 12:49
  thing that hurt me most was the trauma that I saw in the field.
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  The people who were in distress that hurt me the most and was buried the deepest and it's
• 12:59
  the stuff I've really had to deal with to this day.
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  I loved the men I worked with in the fire halls and the I was really able to deal with, you
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  know, the men I worked with by rolling things off the back and having a lot of comedy
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  involved, and I worked super hard and took every course.
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  And I was, like, of my class and everything.
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  So the fact that I excelled so well really kept me, you know, in the good books with a lot of
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  these men, but moving into a toxic workplace afterwards for the last 10 years of that career
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  was extremely difficult because I worked with men who hated me being there, and they they
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  hated that I was senior to them, and they they didn't feel it was appropriate that I was, you
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  know, in a job that that's only for them.
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  And so that was just day to day 5th, like, the last 10 years of my career.
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  Was just
• 13:53
  the law, which is a long time.
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  Yeah.
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  Doing the kind of work.
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  So, of course, you know, for if you wanna kinda tell them some of the things comp.
• 14:03
  PTSD is just I I often say, and maybe you're better at defining this, but I often say that
• 14:09
  we're not wired for some of the things that say, you know, I was a first responder with the
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  police in Toronto.
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  And I was with a team of 14 other responders.
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  We were victim services.
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  We respond to the victims of crime.
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  I'm sure you you know what, because we would you would be deployed oftentimes at the same
• 14:29
  time as a place.
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  On my team and goodness, I was probably, I was gonna talk about 1991.
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  You know, they would do these psychological tasks.
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  And we had a team of 14 of which all of us showed high levels of, PTSD and one person on
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  our team of suicidal.
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  So it shows you, and I stayed in that role, for for 5 years.
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  Right?
• 15:00
  So we're not equipped as human beings.
• 15:03
  I think short term stress absolutely, but in in these EMS roles, police, paramedic,
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  firefighting, police officers first responders, like in my case, the body and the brain can
• 15:18
  only adapt to certain things.
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  And then eventually, what happens is that we we I'm gonna say go use the word split or thought
• 15:27
  and feeling to be able cope and be able to keep ourselves together, but the brain and the body
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  eventually keeps those symptoms that shows itself in other ways.
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  So I don't know if that makes sense.
• 15:37
  Or if there's something that you would share from your perspective, what are some of the the
• 15:42
  symptoms that started to develop in you that made you think, oh, you know, I got I got a
• 15:47
  gotta do some Yeah.
• 15:49
  Some healing stuff for me.
• 15:51
  Well, the first real, you know, it experience where I realized something is seriously wrong
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  something is seriously wrong was I just I asked you know, one of the chiefs, if I could go to
• 16:05
  this workshop, the city workshop called stress in the workplace.
• 16:09
  I wanted to learn about because I was just like, not doing well.
• 16:13
  And I was sick, and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with my body.
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  It all became physical for me, and I got very, very ill.
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  Lost like £20 and, I went to the stress in the workplace.
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  And so during this seminar, we learned all about stress in the workplace and then we
• 16:28
  filled out a stress test at the end.
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  And then I think we were supposed to get sent to our results, but the next morning at 7 AM,
• 16:34
  7:30 AM something.
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  I'll sit I remember I was sitting in my car just kind of froze and kind of dreading going
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  in.
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  And I just sat there and sat there, and I waited till the last second and then 5 minutes
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  before I had to be there, I ran into work.
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  And I thought, this is just not right.
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  I can't I don't even wanna go into the workplace, and I got a phone call the minute I
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  sat down at my desk.
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  On my start time from the person who led that stress in the workplace.
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  And she said, how are you?
• 17:04
  Right now.
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  And I said, I'm good.
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  And she goes, you know, I'm looking at the results of your stress test, and I'm thinking
• 17:13
  maybe you should come in and have a chat with me.
• 17:14
  And I was like, oh, okay.
• 17:16
  And she said, you are in the most suicidal zone of anyone who's ever taken this stress test of
• 17:24
  anyone I've ever seen.
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  You know, she actually told me that once I got in there, we're talking about it.
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  And I was like, I am not suicidal.
• 17:31
  I prom and she goes, I understand that you're, you know, you're not suicidal, but you have
• 17:36
  zero self care.
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  And she said, did you brush your hair today?
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  And I realized I hadn't.
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  She said, did you have a shower?
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  Did you brush your teeth today?
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  And I hadn't.
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  You know, I had rolled out of bed, thrown my hair in a ponytail, gotten on my wrinkled
• 17:50
  uniform and gone to work, and my self care was gone.
• 17:54
  So that made me really realize, okay, something seriously wrong.
• 17:58
  And there was another little situation with my child that really made me realize, okay, I have
• 18:04
  to quit my job immediately because this is just not working for me.
• 18:08
  And just to tell the quick story, I came home from work on a day that I had this really,
• 18:15
  really toxic verbal encounter with one of my coworkers and, you know, He was accusing me of
• 18:21
  trying to get him fired.
• 18:22
  And this is all these crazy stuff was going on.
• 18:25
  I just could not care less about them or their jobs or anything like that, and I wasn't trying
• 18:29
  to do anything And, I came home from work, and my husband took one look at me, and he said,
• 18:35
  oh, I'll I'll go make dinner.
• 18:37
  He just turned around and went in the kitchen.
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  I went straight downstairs and started stitching.
• 18:42
  And I was in full uniform with my bars and my my tunic on and my high.
• 18:46
  I didn't have my cap on, but, you know, I was in full uniform stitching away, and my son
• 18:51
  comes to the door of my song room, and he says, mommy, I wanna play Clay.
• 18:57
  And I just brushed him off and said, if I something along the lines of if I could just
• 19:04
  keep If I could just get these, you know, eye masks made and these oven mitts made, I'll have
• 19:08
  a good craft show this weekend and I could just quit my job.
• 19:12
  You know, and to a six year old, that is, like, a little bit beyond.
• 19:16
  He just rolls off his back and he's like, oh, well, okay.
• 19:19
  I'll go play.
• 19:20
  And then a little while later, he comes back into my room with a handful of paper money that
• 19:28
  he had made for me so that I could quit my job.
• 19:32
  Oh my goodness.
• 19:33
  And I just burst into tears.
• 19:37
  I had this sudden realization.
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  I haven't even greeted my child.
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  I hadn't picked him up.
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  I hadn't swung them around.
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  I literally slunked down into the basement just to try to do something methodical with my mind
• 19:50
  to get over what I've had to face that day and you know, that money that my son made for me
• 19:56
  made more.
• 19:58
  It meant more to me than any other money I will ever make in life.
• 20:02
  And it made me realize I need to focus on my family.
• 20:05
  I need to focus on self care, and I need to leave this situation immediately.
• 20:09
  And that was my first big realization.
• 20:12
  Okay.
• 20:12
  We've gotta figure something else out.
• 20:14
  And it's funny.
• 20:15
  Right?
• 20:15
  Like, You know, I when I decided to go into the psychological field, you know, I was a first
• 20:22
  responder at twenty two years old.
• 20:24
  Right?
• 20:25
  And I remember, you know, my very first call.
• 20:29
  This is me.
• 20:29
  Right?
• 20:30
  Like, you know, I've, you know, I'm ready.
• 20:32
  I'm 22.
• 20:32
  I know everything.
• 20:33
  Don't I?
• 20:34
  Yeah.
• 20:34
  And, so, you know, of course, I have to learn how to drive on a Mark police car, you know,
• 20:42
  had the miter all that stuff.
• 20:44
  Right?
• 20:44
  So you're like, I think about now I'm thinking I'm 22.
• 20:47
  You know, what did I know?
• 20:48
  And I remember our first call is a suicide call.
• 20:53
  So my partner who had been on, you know, they paired you up, obviously, with a partner that
• 20:58
  would done it for a while, a nice the fear.
• 21:03
  I remember we're going as in Toronto.
• 21:05
  And I'm like, oh my oh my god.
• 21:08
  This is real.
• 21:09
  This is what's flying through my head.
• 21:12
  And, you know, here you have these things about I'm gonna help someday and you read me from the
• 21:18
  bottom of my heart.
• 21:18
  That's why I picked it.
• 21:20
  And then I remember saying my my partner saying to me, she goes, so we can make the block.
• 21:27
  We can we can circle the block.
• 21:30
  And I said to her, yeah, and this is this is my very first call.
• 21:35
  So my my visceral human reaction is kicking in even before it go it and this, you know, you
• 21:42
  would understand this.
• 21:43
  And she says to me, of course, she's been in the in in that role.
• 21:46
  She goes, well, we can hope and this, you know, the the concept of the humor being, you know,
• 21:54
  I'm probably gonna be called out on this, but the black humor of trauma.
• 21:59
  Yeah.
• 21:59
  And she said, well, I hope it's a clear wound.
• 22:03
  Yep.
• 22:03
  And I went not thinking about it.
• 22:07
  Now entering the scene.
• 22:09
  Yeah.
• 22:10
  It was, meaning that there wasn't you know, you know, this is a firefight.
• 22:15
  It was in devastation everywhere.
• 22:17
  And then and then, of course, we're dealing with the family.
• 22:20
  Right, as the coroner is taking the body out on the other end.
• 22:25
  And for the first time, this is my first call.
• 22:28
  I'm like, We were there.
• 22:31
  I don't know how many hours, obviously, to to deal with the family.
• 22:35
  And the cumulative effect of that, I think people don't understand and you would get it.
• 22:40
  You were a firefighter.
• 22:41
  I lasted, like I said, 4 to 5 years in mind, but what the what's happening, you know, like
• 22:46
  you're seeing that over and over again, and the body and the brain has nowhere to put it.
• 22:52
  And if you're not getting the right support or the right outlets, where is it gonna go?
• 22:57
  Yeah.
• 22:58
  It has to go somewhere.
• 22:59
  Right?
• 23:01
  Yeah.
• 23:01
  And it it was so many years before I even realized that I had PTSD.
• 23:07
  It was literally only 5 years ago that I was diagnosed with complex PTSD.
• 23:11
  And the reason that happened was because moving across Canada to BC, I got a few different
• 23:18
  jobs, but the job that was most fire related here was fire services supervisor.
• 23:24
  So I was in charge of 7 different volunteer fire departments.
• 23:28
  And something happened along the way where 2 different firefighters that I was responsible
• 23:34
  for I needed to get them counseling because they had experienced something traumatic and
• 23:39
  they weren't coming back to the job.
• 23:41
  And I was reaching out to them and I was trying to give them the numbers counseling and they're
• 23:45
  like, no, no, we're good, but they weren't coming back.
• 23:48
  They weren't volunteering anymore.
• 23:50
  So I went to a conference in Victoria is fantastic.
• 23:54
  It was a lot of public education aspects to it, but there were 3 or 4 different seminars on
• 24:01
  counseling PTSD support, you know, team building type of things.
• 24:05
  And I went to this PTSD 1 and previously and I always, always associated PTSD with the
• 24:12
  military.
• 24:13
  As a firefighter myself, I literally had never even considered that firefighters would have
• 24:18
  PTSD.
• 24:19
  We just we're like, we can deal with it ourselves.
• 24:21
  Like, we we just don't even think talk about that.
• 24:24
  And so I'm I'm looking at this PTSD presentation, and he's talking about all the
• 24:29
  different things.
• 24:29
  And then he lists off a dozen things that you wanna watch for if you're firefighters have
• 24:35
  experiences they might have PTSD, and you might wanna bring in support.
• 24:39
  And I had personally experienced 10 of the twelve things that he was talking about in
• 24:45
  micro in just the 5 years I was on the trucks.
• 24:48
  Yep.
• 24:48
  Until after presentation, I thought, oh my gosh, I might have PTSD.
• 24:53
  I went into a washroom and sat on a toilet fully clothed and I just burst into tears.
• 25:00
  And I phoned my husband.
• 25:01
  And I was like, do you think everyone who watches this seminar just thinks they have
• 25:05
  PTSD?
• 25:05
  And he goes, no brandy.
• 25:08
  No.
• 25:08
  He goes, just go and check it out.
• 25:11
  Go for counseling and find out.
• 25:13
  And just 5 years ago, I went to counseling and I went to 4 or 5 sessions and finally I sent to
• 25:21
  the counselor.
• 25:21
  I said, are we kind of ruling this out or do you think I have PTS And he goes, oh my
• 25:27
  goodness.
• 25:28
  He goes, I diagnosed you on the first first appointment.
• 25:31
  If I if I haven't been clear, I'm not doing my job very well, but Yes.
• 25:35
  You have complex PTSD and, you've been dealing with it whether you know it or not with
• 25:41
  quilting for decades.
• 25:44
  So you kind of been self soothing that way.
• 25:46
  So and it was such, you know, some people might think, oh, it's such a big label.
• 25:51
  You're labeled with no, it's not a label.
• 25:53
  It's a freedom actually to be diagnosed because you know that you're not crazy.
• 25:59
  You know that you don't have a physical illness or something that it's It's the actual, you
• 26:05
  know, anxiety and trauma that you're experiencing over and over again that causes
• 26:09
  those physical symptoms and you can manage it You can really
• 26:14
  and and it's, you know, what I often say, Brandy, and I've been a first responder.
• 26:19
  I was in, I worked for, a one of the biggest behavioral health companies, in Canada, I know
• 26:26
  that they're international, but even before that, I was in EAP services.
• 26:31
  So I was you know, I would do trauma responses.
• 26:34
  So, I mean, I've gone into I've gone into I've lost counted how many I did over my career.
• 26:39
  And still, I can still remember the 1 was a murder suicide.
• 26:45
  And It was 11 division in Toronto.
• 26:49
  It's funny how you remember the details.
• 26:51
  Yeah.
• 26:51
  And I'm from TriNet Subago.
• 26:55
  That's where it grew up, and it was a Trinidad in family.
• 26:59
  And they had 6 children.
• 27:02
  And what happened was, generally, you know, with all the the the 911, the police were
• 27:09
  supposed to inform Yeah.
• 27:12
  The 6 children.
• 27:13
  Well, guess what happened?
• 27:14
  There was a mishap.
• 27:16
  So myself and my partner had to inform all 6 children.
• 27:19
  That they no longer had parents.
• 27:22
  And the one little one, and I was telling the story to my friend the other day, my one of my,
• 27:26
  girlfriends the other day, I think the littlest one, there was a cloud.
• 27:32
  We we had stickers and, you know, of course, you're trying to deliver this message.
• 27:38
  And we were coloring it, and I I think the little child took the sticker and stuck it on
• 27:45
  my jacket.
• 27:47
  And I came home and 4, I think, for about maybe 4 to 6 months, that stat set on that jacket,
• 27:55
  And then eventually one day I was going through it, and I thought, I have to get rid of this.
• 28:00
  And that that memory will, I know, blast with me for the rest of my life.
• 28:04
  So, you know, if you think about soothing and the fact that we're we're sharing about
• 28:10
  dysregulation and, you know, We need first responders because, unfortunately, bad things
• 28:16
  happen in all our lives, but it's it's the, things that happen in in their worlds, like, in
• 28:22
  your world, your little boy, because you're trying to go back home and be mummy and wife
• 28:29
  and friend and part of your society, your your community, and and it's not just letting it
• 28:36
  happen like it did for me.
• 28:38
  So that's why soothing is such an important word.
• 28:41
  And so, I mean, I'd love to talk a little bit about you figured it out.
• 28:47
  You had figured it out prior to, you know, even starting in in EMS.
• 28:52
  So tell us about the quilting because I find that very fascinating that, you know, something
• 28:59
  that one would not think of as being, a strategy that you would use and how it has
• 29:05
  helped.
• 29:06
  Yeah.
• 29:06
  And I didn't really actually know that I was doing that all that time until the, you know,
• 29:11
  the the psychologist or psychiatrist.
• 29:13
  I'm not even sure if I had a psychiatrist or psychologist.
• 29:16
  But anyway, until my counselor told me that I was doing that, I didn't actually know, but the
• 29:22
  first time that I really recollect stitching through something I was really dealing with
• 29:29
  emotionally was when my grandmother passed away.
• 29:32
  And this was in the nineties, but It was it was getting towards the end of my career, and she
• 29:39
  passed away at a time when I was really struggling with my career.
• 29:42
  And so many things were happening all at the same time, and she was such a key figure in my
• 29:46
  life.
• 29:47
  And the loss of her was just something I was like gonna be leading the funeral.
• 29:52
  I was gonna be speaking.
• 29:53
  I was gonna be organizing everything.
• 29:55
  I was gonna be going through her belongings.
• 29:56
  I just was one of the people in my family who took charge of all those things.
• 30:01
  And I said to my husband, I have a huge quilting retreat this week, and should I even
• 30:06
  go?
• 30:06
  I have so much to do.
• 30:07
  And Thank goodness.
• 30:09
  My husband said, you have to go.
• 30:11
  That is the thing you have to do to deal with this.
• 30:14
  And I remember stitching into the wee hours of the night at the treat when everyone else is in
• 30:19
  bed and just crying and stitching and just dealing with this.
• 30:22
  And I have that art piece hanging above my fireplace to this day that I made.
• 30:27
  I made a textile art piece, and it was a gorgeous landscape in colors that my
• 30:32
  grandmother would have loved.
• 30:33
  And I just, you know, I made something that would just make me feel connected to her.
• 30:39
  And so many of the art, like, I'm a textile artist, and I teach quilting and I speak and
• 30:44
  judge in the quilting world and I travel all over the world, but the thing that I really do
• 30:49
  is I bring artfulness to quilters.
• 30:53
  So you might think, you know, my grandmother's quilt, the quilt on a bed, I bring artfulness
• 30:57
  to quilters, and I I get them to be creative and just really use their mind in their
• 31:02
  process.
• 31:03
  And, I now teach classes called healing stitches and those kind of things.
• 31:08
  For organizations like school divisions, and I'll go into a school division, and I will
• 31:14
  teach a class where they have to choose from a list of awards, or they have to pick a word
• 31:21
  that is very meaningful to them, and we incorporate it into our art piece and we're
• 31:25
  stitching and hand stitching and we're creating this.
• 31:28
  And I did this recently.
• 31:30
  I actually went back to Central Canada where I was working.
• 31:33
  I was invited is kind of a really funny little story.
• 31:37
  I do all this cool thing stuff, and everyone can see me on social media, but this gal called
• 31:42
  me up and I had hired her to work on the Fire Safety House in my career as a firefighter and
• 31:48
  she said she's the head of education at a school division and she wants to bring me in to
• 31:52
  teach for some of her teachers on a professional development day.
• 31:56
  It's kind of comes full circle, right?
• 31:58
  So I go in and teach and we're choosing our words and creating our art.
• 32:02
  And then all of a sudden, I realize 3 women, teachers, art teachers, counselors, 3 women at
• 32:07
  this table, are all sitting there crying together.
• 32:11
  I was like, why are you guys crying?
• 32:14
  And they said, we we were so excited that we could pick a PD day that was kind of crafty,
• 32:20
  and we're all just realizing in this moment that we're all dealing with a trauma that
• 32:24
  happened to us a few weeks ago in our school where a child committed suicide and they're all
• 32:30
  picked words to deal with that and they're all stitching and they're talking about it and
• 32:33
  they're dealing with it and they all just realized that once that this was happening in
• 32:37
  that class.
• 32:38
  And so you never know when something's gonna pop into your mind or be triggered or whatever,
• 32:44
  but moving your hands and your mind and doing something methodical is just a way to work
• 32:51
  through the trauma and you know, it it's it's it's fine.
• 32:55
  Have you ever heard of EMDR?
• 32:57
  Yes.
• 32:57
  I have had So I I I'm so I'm a practitioner.
• 33:01
  Yeah.
• 33:01
  And it's making me think, that, and and this is coming just off the top of my head now with
• 33:09
  your quilting because I hadn't really about this route is that with trauma with the 5
• 33:16
  sensory.
• 33:17
  Yeah.
• 33:18
  What happens is the body and the brain takes what it needs to to be able to cope through
• 33:23
  something that generally I I say, is unbearable.
• 33:27
  Yeah.
• 33:27
  And then It's like, having bits and bytes coming at you.
• 33:32
  Right?
• 33:33
  It could be a thought.
• 33:33
  It could be a feeling.
• 33:34
  It could be a body sensation, whatever.
• 33:37
  And EMDR with kind of it's a process where you go back and forth with the left and right
• 33:43
  hemisphere with either sound or touch, but what it does is it simulates a lot right and left
• 33:52
  hemisphere to get you outside of the on the conscious break into the unconscious break.
• 33:59
  So I'm thinking about what your description here Right?
• 34:03
  So think about it.
• 34:04
  It's kinda like you're you're so focused with the tactile, the sensory, emotion that I
• 34:13
  wonder, and this might be something for you with you and your kind of world because you
• 34:18
  live in it about if that's the override that allows people to drop down because what we know
• 34:24
  is that with trauma, there's no beginning middle and end.
• 34:28
  And with reprocessing of trauma, that's the context that you're actually putting in.
• 34:33
  So I wonder if that's what the quilting does is it gets you to go back to that earlier version
• 34:40
  of whenever the trauma event occurred and then you're just kinda touching it and and by
• 34:46
  staying outside of the conscious brain.
• 34:48
  This is I that just came to me in a wave just listening to the quilting.
• 34:52
  Yeah.
• 34:52
  And it's so fascinating because if you think of my particular case, you know, in my counseling,
• 34:58
  we've dealt with 2 completely different things.
• 35:00
  So So I have this recurring trauma that was traumatic events that I witnessed.
• 35:07
  Those are completely gone.
• 35:08
  They're so suppressed.
• 35:09
  I can't remember any of them.
• 35:11
  None.
• 35:12
  And so that's really concerning and that's something I've been dealing with for years in
• 35:15
  counseling.
• 35:16
  When it comes to the toxic workplace, I remember everything.
• 35:21
  So it's completely different.
• 35:22
  Right?
• 35:23
  So when I, you know, if I'm figuring out how I'm gonna deal with the stuff that is so
• 35:27
  suppressed that I can't even remember Like, there are times when I, like, I don't even know
• 35:32
  any of the details about some things.
• 35:34
  So I'll give you an example like peep people who do not have PTSD don't really realize, oh,
• 35:41
  just remove the trigger and you'll be fine.
• 35:42
  No.
• 35:43
  It doesn't work like that.
• 35:44
  Right?
• 35:44
  They don't realize how it comes about.
• 35:46
  So I was recently, judging a quilt show and I I I was traveling and I put some deodor on and I
• 35:55
  my deodorant, my travel deodorant was so worn out that it crumbled and I it ran out.
• 36:00
  So I had to run to the store, grab some deodorant, and I came back and put it on, and I
• 36:05
  thought, oh, I hate that smell.
• 36:06
  Why did I get baby powder?
• 36:08
  Darn it.
• 36:08
  You know, I was disappointed with myself.
• 36:10
  For some reason, I hate that smell.
• 36:12
  But then I had a shower at the end of the day, went to bed, and I had the worst night terrors
• 36:20
  I have had in ages.
• 36:22
  And this is part of how my PTSD manifests in night terrors.
• 36:26
  And this entire incident came back to me that I completely have forgotten about it.
• 36:31
  Of course, it was a child mortality.
• 36:33
  And baby powder was the thing that caused the mortality.
• 36:39
  And so I never have night terrors when I'm traveling.
• 36:43
  It's a different place.
• 36:44
  It's not my own home where, you know, I have night terrors now at home when I put my head on
• 36:49
  the pillow.
• 36:50
  I always get anxiety.
• 36:51
  I have you a calming routine before bed because I have night terrors.
• 36:54
  I never happen when I travel, but that smell actually triggered the whole incident And then
• 37:01
  I'm able to go to counseling and do EMDR and all that and deal with that situation because I
• 37:06
  realized, oh, yeah.
• 37:07
  I remember some of those things.
• 37:09
  And and that's the thing.
• 37:09
  Right?
• 37:10
  I think you know, so well said when you say, people that don't understand PTSD that they
• 37:16
  say, oh, well, just, you know, stay away from people places and things.
• 37:19
  But I always say it's the subtle little buvers that are in the recesses of your unconscious
• 37:27
  like the smell of baby powder that you don't even remember and then all of a sudden
• 37:31
  something comes up because the I always say the brain and the body's ready.
• 37:35
  To release it, if that makes sense.
• 37:37
  Right?
• 37:37
  And people go, what do you mean?
• 37:39
  I go, no, no, seriously.
• 37:40
  If that wasn't safe enough for it to come up at that time, the body and the brain would not
• 37:45
  have released it, even though you're thinking, or, actually, and that's night terrors, who who
• 37:49
  feels good with those, but, you know, if it's too quick, That's where, you know,
• 37:54
  unfortunately, you know, it could be tough on the person.
• 37:58
  Right?
• 37:59
  So it's fascinating, you know, how things do evolve when the body and the brain comes about.
• 38:05
  So let's talk a little bit more about the quilting, the connection, the feeling, and kind
• 38:14
  of what you do out there, Brandy, in the world, because I think you and I can probably keep
• 38:18
  talking at at you know, with all the stuff, and I'm so glad that we got connected the way we
• 38:23
  did.
• 38:23
  What what a fascinating conversations have had, to, you know, today.
• 38:28
  Tell me a little bit more about that and kind of more about what you do out there in the
• 38:32
  world.
• 38:32
  Like you said, you do this international.
• 38:34
  You speak.
• 38:35
  You you know, those types.
• 38:37
  I'm I'm I'm sure people that are listening are curious as I am.
• 38:41
  Yeah.
• 38:41
  Absolutely.
• 38:42
  So my business is called quilter on fire.
• 38:45
  So firefighter to quilter is kind of a fun plan words, but I teach and speak and judge quilt
• 38:51
  shows, and I have a podcast called the Quilter On Fire podcast.
• 38:55
  I've been doing that for years.
• 38:57
  And so there's 3 things that I bring to the world.
• 38:59
  I bring education and teaching quilters to become artful in their quilting.
• 39:03
  I have a community with my podcast, and then I have quilt travel destinations.
• 39:07
  So I travel all over the world to quilt shows, and I bring tours of quilters.
• 39:11
  And I've really turned my you know, turning craft to healing into a huge part of my
• 39:19
  business because my lecture is called your mind matters.
• 39:23
  And I have multiple lectures.
• 39:25
  One's on judging.
• 39:26
  You know, I have a few different lectures, but this trunk show we call it in the quilting
• 39:30
  world is a show where I show all of my work and all of my quilts over the years.
• 39:34
  But I've infused 5 messages into my trunk show called your your mind matters.
• 39:39
  And the messages The reason I decided to do these messages is because it's helped me so
• 39:46
  much.
• 39:47
  And although I know I'm very well aware that not everyone has PTSD.
• 39:51
  There are people out there who have it and don't know it.
• 39:54
  But people deal with all kinds of trauma in their lives, whether it's just being shunned
• 39:58
  from a group of people or being abused verbally by someone or, you know, and so when I do my
• 40:04
  trunk show or my lecture, I always have people coming up at the end saying You just opened my
• 40:10
  eyes to something that I hadn't even realized was happening to me, or I really resonated with
• 40:15
  your story.
• 40:15
  And I'm gonna keep quilting because that's my saving grace.
• 40:18
  And I get those kind of comments at the end.
• 40:20
  And so the reason I came up with these 5 life lessons was because my best friend is a
• 40:26
  counselor.
• 40:26
  And so she spent her full career.
• 40:29
  She's a social worker with her master's degree, but she spent her full career in school
• 40:34
  division as sort of the lead social worker.
• 40:38
  She recently retired and she has become a counselor full time which is her true passion.
• 40:44
  And so I got together with her on a girl's weekend.
• 40:47
  We we live far apart.
• 40:48
  She lives in Central Canada.
• 40:49
  I live in BC, and, we got together in a girl's weekend at this resort.
• 40:54
  It was amazing.
• 40:55
  And we sat down with a glass of wine and we hushed out 5 life lessons that based on what's
• 41:02
  happened to me in my life and what I could really talk about to help other people.
• 41:06
  And so if you want, I'll just quickly tell you the life lessons.
• 41:08
  There's 5 of them.
• 41:10
  The first one is to surround yourself with those who lift you up.
• 41:14
  The second lesson is to quilt, to de stress, and calm your mind.
• 41:20
  The 3rd life lesson is to practice gratitude and affirmations and form good habits number 4
• 41:29
  is to do the work before you're ready in the quilting world.
• 41:33
  And then life lesson number five is the one that's most important for me, and that is care
• 41:39
  for yourself first.
• 41:40
  You know, so many people Care for others, care for others, care for others.
• 41:44
  And if there's anything left in the bottom of their cup, they care for themselves last, and
• 41:48
  that's what I do most.
• 41:50
  So, you know, just trying to teach my son.
• 41:53
  I'm telling him here for yourself first until your cup is overflowing
• 41:56
  and then you can give to others as well.
• 41:59
  So what an amazing, amazing five steps, like such good such good, learnings.
• 42:07
  And this has been, thank you for your time.
• 42:10
  And, for anybody that's, like, is listening that, and I think, you know, for senior leaders
• 42:17
  to really listen to think it doesn't, you know, we can talk.
• 42:21
  We're talking about EMS services, but, you know, trauma be it small or big t trauma is the
• 42:29
  reality of what is happening out there in the world and someone may be working with you, but
• 42:33
  you have to still think that they may have They bring themselves with them and they may be
• 42:38
  experiencing some of the things that we've discussed today.
• 42:41
  So to really, think through how are you creating the space to support people that may
• 42:47
  be having symptoms that do not make sense, ensuring that you have, things that they could
• 42:52
  support them Whether it's clinical services coaching, having somebody like Brandy come in
• 42:57
  and do a workshop or a or a, you know, a speaking event, what what a gift to be able to
• 43:03
  put context for people to say that healing should be the first thing.
• 43:08
  And when people are happy connected, and not distracted by symptoms, then they bring the
• 43:14
  biggest best version of themselves to work, and we all wanna, I think, stay connected at work.
• 43:21
  So, Brandy, If people wanted to get a hold of you, they wanted to work with you, they wanted
• 43:25
  to go in one of these world retreats, you know, which sounds like fun right about now.
• 43:31
  Where can they get a hold of you?
• 43:33
  My website is quilteronfire.com, and
• 43:37
  you can find me everywhere on the socials as the quilter on fire.
• 43:41
  Awesome.
• 43:42
  So for everyone, I hope you've enjoyed this as much as I have.
• 43:47
  I'm gonna think about what kind of things can I do, to help me, soothe myself that's, and
• 43:58
  something that I love to do?
• 44:00
  So I I also challenge you to do the same.
• 44:04
  And you may be already doing it, or maybe it's something that you need to explore.
• 44:08
  So, for anyone wanting to connect with me, you know, you can go to my website.
• 44:13
  If you're wanting to know about your ability to connect, and be mentally resilient either at
• 44:19
  work or at home.
• 44:20
  Just go to roxanderhodge.comforward/quiz.
• 44:24
  You'll get a little mini quiz and when you fill it out, we'll send you some recommendations.
• 44:29
  And, my book is attached to it.
• 44:32
  Both of them you can, get some more information there or just reach out to me.
• 44:37
  So again, Brandy, thanks so much, everyone.
• 44:39
  Thanks for hanging in there.
• 44:41
  Again, me this week, and we will chat again
• 44:48
  living with Roxanne, creating the space for positive, healthy change.
• 44:53
  Roxanne is a keynote speaker, psychotherapist, and coach to work with visit
• 44:59
  roxannedurhaj.com/blueprint.
• 45:03
  We'll see you next time.
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  An authentic living with Roxanne.