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Stop Letting People’s Opinions Control Your Life · Mom Gone Mild

• 0:08
  Hey guys, welcome back to Mom gone mild if you're new here.
• 0:12
  Hi, my name is Lex, former Farrell party girl turn mom.
• 0:18
  Figuring out life basically in real time.
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  And today I want to talk about something that I think so many
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  of us deal with but don't always say out loud.
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  Judgment comparison. The pressure to be a certain way
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  before we feel like we're truly worthy.
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  Because lately I've realized something.
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  A lot of us are walking around living our lives like it hasn't
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  started yet. Something I've seen time and
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  time again is people giving unsolicited advice.
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  I know this one might make some people mad, I don't care, but it
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  needs to be said advice Nobody asks for, opinions nobody needs.
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  People love to tell you what you should be doing, how you should
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  look, how you should parent, how you should live your life.
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  And it's always coming from people who think their beliefs
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  or their standards or some way the right way.
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  But who decided that? I've had men ask me when I plan
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  to get in shape or, you know, when are you going to focus on
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  you? And the time is now, my friend.
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  I've been called the fat friend my entire life and I've always
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  wondered what gives someone the right to comment on another
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  person's body Who decided that someone else's opinion about
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  your appearance is something you're supposed to even care
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  about? Because honestly, it's wild that
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  society has normalized this. I can remember moments growing
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  up where those kind of comments really just stuck with me.
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  There was one time when I was in a video class in school.
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  Guys, I just want to say I've never told the story because
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  I've just felt so embarrassed. But I mean, thinking about it
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  now, it's like I shouldn't be the one that's embarrassed.
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  These people should be. So listen to this.
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  So like I said, I was in video class in school and I was
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  actually really excited about this class.
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  I genuinely looked forward to it.
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  It was one of those classes I actually liked because, mind
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  you, I hated school. I hated being in it.
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  It just wasn't for me. Anyways, for a group project, we
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  had to make some sort of, I guess, video.
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  I don't remember what the video was about.
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  And I was in a group with this guy who I thought was the
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  hottest guy in school. Yeah.
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  I was so like, I had, like, heart eyes, you know what I
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  mean? And he started talking to me.
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  We were laughing, we joke around, We had, like, serious
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  conversations. And to me, it felt like a real
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  friendship. I mean, I would see him at
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  parties, we would talk to each other, and it just like, felt
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  genuine. I felt like, OK, maybe he
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  actually liked me for me. And yeah, I thought we were
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  legit friends. Then one day, I was absent from
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  school. I don't remember why, I must
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  have been sick or something. But when I came back the next
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  day, they had already made the video.
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  And the video they made was of me.
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  Yeah, I was bullied, guys. And it had cow noises playing
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  over it. Like somehow that was supposed
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  to be funny. I think I was like walking.
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  And the cow noises were like in the background.
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  And everyone laughed. The whole class laughed, even I
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  think the teacher laughed. And I remember sitting there
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  just feeling so pathetic and embarrassed.
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  And that boy had the biggest crush on laughed the most.
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  I felt like the biggest fool. But instead of crying, I laughed
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  too, because I didn't know how else to react, to be honest.
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  Because when you're that embarrassed, sometimes laughing
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  feels like the only option. You pretend it's funny.
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  That's when you kind of become the funny fat friend and you
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  just pretend like it didn't hurt.
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  And honestly, I think that that moment changed something in me
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  because after that, I learned not to let my guard down with
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  people. I stopped then.
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  I stopped being as trusting, to be honest.
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  And I think that's where I started becoming the person
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  people sometimes describe me as a bitch because that was just
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  like my wall of just like, OK, you're going to make fun of me,
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  I'm going to be the same way. And then it kind of just turned
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  into this toxic relationship that I had with people.
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  Like as soon as they were, they made any kind of joke, I right
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  away like insult to them. I, it, it was awful.
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  I mean, I was not the nicest person I know, but really, I
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  think I was just kind of protecting myself because when
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  you're too nice, when you're too trusting, when you want to see
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  the good in people, sometimes people, they like to take
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  advantage of that. Back then, I was too nice, and
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  people made fun of me for it. But looking back now, I just
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  realized something. I accepted that behavior.
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  Well, don't realize is how much words stick with you.
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  I can guarantee you something. I probably don't remember most
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  of the compliments I've gotten over the years, but the cruel
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  comments, Yeah. The mean things people said
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  about my body, the mean things people said just about me in
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  general, the way I was treated and especially the way it made
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  me feel. Those things just never
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  disappear. They stay with you, they change
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  you. You could be wearing a cute
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  outfit, feeling just like amazing about yourself, and
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  someone makes 1 little comment, just one.
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  And instantly you retreat. You second guess yourself.
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  You never wear that outfit again.
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  The next time you go shopping, you're thinking about the
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  comment. You're thinking about what
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  people might say and how people act like words don't matter but
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  they really do. And something else I want to be
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  really honest about is when I was younger I had men call me
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  fat to my face. Yeah, I know I allowed that.
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  But those same men would secretly be in my text messages.
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  Back then we didn't really have Instagram.
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  So like in my Facebook messages and yeah, they would secretly
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  message me trying to hook up. Like somehow I was good enough
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  to sleep with but not good enough to respect publicly.
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  And when I was younger guys, my self esteem was so low I
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  actually accepted it. I told myself things like well
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  if he wants to hook up with me, I must not be that bad right?
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  There must be some other reason why he makes fun of me.
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  Oh he likes me that's why he makes fun of me.
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  So I went along with it. And the sad truth is almost
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  every time those same guys would still make fun of me after
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  hooking up with me. Looking back now I realized
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  something hard. I had no self respect, I kept
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  making excuses for their behaviour and yes, I allowed it
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  'cause I could have said no, I could have walked away.
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  But when yourself worth is just so low, you accept things you
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  never should. And I even felt like this when
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  there was a time where I, you know, I was like into heavy
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  drugs. So I had lost a significant
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  amount of weight. So even then I had no self
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  respect because I didn't do it the right way.
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  I did it where it just happened really, really fast.
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  So I wasn't able to mentally, you know, prepare myself for
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  that change. So I still allowed guys to treat
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  me like shit. And yeah, even my ex, I had
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  known him. We were best friends for a long
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  time before we dated, and he always saw me as, again, a fat
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  friend. But then I lost weight and, you
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  know, he showed interest in me. So already that relationship
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  wasn't really built on, you know, honesty because I was
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  lying about doing drugs. That's why I was skinny.
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  And he just wasn't into me when I was fatter.
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  And yeah, but you know, that's why I am so happy that I'm in
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  the relationship that I am now, because Randy has had me at my
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  skinniest. Randy has had me at my largest.
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  And to be honest, he loves, has loved me throughout each stage.
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  And that's why I want to better myself so I can give him the
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  best version of me now. And I think a lot of people, a
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  lot of women can relate to that. Maybe people.
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  I mean, hey, we're all human. We all have body issues.
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  Body, you know, I feel like I have really bad body dysmorphia
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  because I didn't adjust to, you know, being so thin, gaining so
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  much weight, being thin again and gaining weight again.
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  I didn't mentally prepare for that.
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  So I'm kind of all messed up now.
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  I am at the heaviest I've ever been, and honestly, I can
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  probably say I don't give a shit.
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  I see comments, I get dams from people talking about my weight.
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  Yes, I'm a big girl trying to lose weight.
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  I know, shocker. But The funny thing is, we're
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  kind of damned if we do, damned if we don't.
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  We eat a burger, people shame us.
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  We eat a salad, people shame us. Suddenly everyone becomes a
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  nutrition expert. Have you noticed that?
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  They'll say things like, be real.
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  That's not going to change anything.
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  And it's like, no shit, it's not going to change anything.
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  It didn't take a month to gain this weight.
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  It took years. And it's going to take years to
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  lose it too. That's reality.
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  And listen, I am not the prettiest girl I know, but have
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  you ever noticed something funny?
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  And a lot of the just, I've noticed this a lot because I'm
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  getting now, you know, messages about it.
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  And I look at the peoples, obviously I'm human.
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  I look at the peoples you know page to see who it is at saying
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  this stuff and a lot of the people leaving the meanest
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  comments aren't exactly lookers themselves.
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  And I'm not even saying this to be mean, it just proves
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  something. Everyone has insecurities, even
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  the pretty people, even the fit people, even the people
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  pretending to be perfect online. Because at the end of the day,
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  we are all human. Someone will always have more.
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  There will always be someone who has more than you, more money,
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  more help, more opportunities, a nicer house, a nicer car, a
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  better body, more followers, more success.
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  And that's OK, because comparison is a game you can
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  basically never win. There will always be someone
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  ahead of you, but there will also always be someone who
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  wishes that they had what you have.
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  Your family, your health, your story, your life.
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  There are some plus size influencers that I follow
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  because sometimes I want to see a different side of fitness,
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  bodies that look a little bit more like mine and how they
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  move. And I also follow the Super fit
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  girls too. Both are really inspiring.
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  Both are really inspiring, but the comments I see under these
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  women's posts are honestly disgusting sometimes.
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  So if you take anything from today's episode, let it be this.
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  Be fucking kind. Kindness is free.
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  If you don't like someone's content, skip it, block them,
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  move on. And if you've ever been bullied,
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  just know you're not alone. So many of us have experienced
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  it, but we get through it and we come back better and stronger.
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  Something I also realize recently is that I've spent a
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  lot of my life waiting to basically live.
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  I'll enjoy life when I'm more skinnier.
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  I'll wear that when I lose weight.
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  I'll travel when I have more money.
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  But life doesn't work like that. Money, looks, they come and go.
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  Life is happening now. Becoming a mom really showed me
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  how fast life moves. One moment you're in one phase
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  of life and the next, everything has changed.
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  It's like day and night. So now I'm learning to just slow
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  down, be present and actually enjoy the moments while they're
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  here instead of waiting for something to happen.
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  All right before we before I wrap up today's episode, I want
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  to give you guys a quick update on 75 Hard journey because I
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  have had a lot of new followers because of it.
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  Like I said, I need to slow down in life.
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  I'm like I've had so much coffee today it's crazy and actually I
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  skipped breakfast, which is not good.
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  I'll eat after this, but I back to 75 hard.
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  I'm officially down 10 lbs, which feels really good, but the
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  biggest change hasn't even been the weight.
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  My mental health has improved so much.
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  I I'm not going to say like I am 100% cure of like my anxiety and
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  depression because I feel like it's always going to be with me.
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  Like, for example, we went to the Nike outlet Saturday and
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  yeah, I had a full Sunday, sorry.
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  And I had a full blown panic attack because it was just so
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  packed and it was just so many people.
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  And yeah, so I am not 100% like cured of my anxiety, but
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  honestly it has improved so much.
• 14:02
  Postpartum depression where guys, I have lowered my Prozac
• 14:07
  dosage, which was done, you know, with my doctor.
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  And I'm so excited for that because although I'm a very big
• 14:15
  advocate of if you need medication, take it.
• 14:19
  I am also, I kind of want to, you know, detox my body from all
• 14:24
  that. But if I can't, that's perfectly
• 14:26
  fine too. And another thing that has
• 14:29
  really improved my gut health feels so much better.
• 14:33
  My body is starting to look feel better but more importantly I
• 14:39
  feel sexier again and let's just say my husband is definitely
• 14:43
  definitely benefiting from that. But overall I just feel just
• 14:48
  really good. I will be completely honest I
• 14:52
  wanted to quit the other day. I know I know my baby has been
• 14:58
  in such a mood teething and just so upset.
• 15:02
  I thought about just giving up because I couldn't get my second
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  workout in. I kind of was just like I'm over
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  it. Like I I, I'm done.
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  But thank goodness my hubby was there and pushed me to continue.
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  I'm so glad I did. I'm so glad I didn't give up.
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  So many times in my life I've wanted to give up on myself
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  because things just got too hard.
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  I realized I just have to plan better, plan my days better, not
• 15:31
  let everything add up at the end.
• 15:33
  I'm down to day. Today is day 18 as I'm filming.
• 15:38
  So glad I didn't give up because obviously I see such a
• 15:42
  difference between day one and day 18 and it's just like the
• 15:46
  little things, you know, like my stomach's flatter.
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  I'm not so freaking like inflamed my I just feel like I
• 15:55
  have had a shift in my hormones and yeah, I just glad I didn't
• 16:00
  give up. I will get stronger and it will
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  be harder. I know it will.
• 16:06
  I mean, it is a full 75 days. I'm only at day 18.
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  So I know that this isn't going to be the only time that I want
• 16:12
  to quit. But as long as I have the
• 16:16
  support and just know that this is something that I really want
• 16:19
  to do, I'm pretty sure no, I am sure that I'm going to complete
• 16:25
  this because my newest thing is I'm going to manifest
• 16:28
  everything, speak positively. I'm trying again not to be
• 16:33
  negative. So I will complete 75 hard.
• 16:37
  The one thing I missed though, Coke 0, if I'm really honest, I
• 16:43
  miss it so much. And yeah, so anyways, so with
• 16:48
  this whole whole food, you know, I have been just basically meal
• 16:52
  prepping, cooking every day. And do you guys remember how big
• 16:56
  cottage cheese was in the 90s? I do.
• 17:00
  Well, she's making a serious comeback.
• 17:02
  It's in so many recipes right now.
• 17:05
  If you want to see the recipes I'm making life updates and my
• 17:09
  75 heart check insurance. Follow me on Instagram at Mom
• 17:12
  Gone Mild under score podcast. Thank you guys so much for
• 17:17
  listening to Mom Gone Mild. If this episode resonated with
• 17:21
  you, please, please, please send it to a friend who might need
• 17:24
  this reminder today. Life moves fast.
• 17:27
  Let's enjoy it while we're here. Wait, why does that sound like
• 17:32
  the ending of Ferris Bueller's Day Off anyways?
• 17:36
  Sometimes I think I watch way too many movies.
• 17:38
  On that note, have an amazing week.
• 17:40
  Catch you on the gram. And don't forget to follow the
• 17:44
  podcast whether you listen on Spotify, Apple, YouTube, and
• 17:49
  Amazon. Please guys, subscribe.
• 17:51
  And yeah, new episodes drop every Thursday.
• 17:54
  Please go ahead and binge all the previous episodes.
• 17:58
  And I just love you guys. I'll see you guys next week.