Latest / AWAKEN with Dylan Ayaloo: Inner Work, Healing, Yoga & Meditation / [EP69] How to stay calm while you wait for someone to reply (why your mind makes things up)

Transcript

[EP69] How to stay calm while you wait for someone to reply (why your mind makes things up) · AWAKEN with Dylan Ayaloo: Inner Work, Healing, Yoga & Meditation

• 0:00
  So the question then, I'm guessing, is what do you do with the shit that your head makes up in the meantime while you wait for him to respond? I'm sure you're going to love this answer because I've never said this before.
• 0:18
  is the essence of the work that we do.
• 0:21
  It's the essence of what you do in meditation.
• 0:23
  It's the essence of in a work.
• 0:24
  You know, it's the mind is having a conversation
• 0:27
  and here you are as the observer of the mind
• 0:31
  and to let the mind have that conversation
• 0:33
  and know that that conversation is not, you know,
• 0:36
  just separate completely because as you put focus into it,
• 0:40
  even if you're aware of it, the body is going to react.
• 0:42
  You're going to have emotions.
• 0:43
  but here you are observing this conversation happening in the head.
• 0:48
  Oh my God, how come? Why? Why not?
• 0:49
  Why is it taking so long? What is it doing?
• 0:52
  How blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 0:55
  And whatever the content is, it just happens to be this.
• 0:58
  It could be anything because if it's not this, it will be something else.
• 1:02
  That will be the next another thing that the mind will choose
• 1:05
  because that's what it has been doing all through our life
• 1:08
  and it will continue to do that until for as long as we have a thing called
• 1:13
  mind. So the mind is doing the predictable thing. There's nothing new, nothing that's a surprise
• 1:22
  there. So whether it's this person or another situation, fill it up with different content,
• 1:29
  it's acting the same way. So the real question I'm guessing here is, the question under the
• 1:34
  question, is what do I do with that and this relationship that I have to this voice in the
• 1:44
  that just keeps saying shit.
• 1:45
  And I'm feeling all of this stuff.
• 1:48
  That is the essence of meditation.
• 1:50
  That is the crux, the core of the work that we do.
• 1:53
  It is to step out of that conversation,
• 1:57
  like to jump, because we're immersed in it.
• 1:59
  And when you're in that conversation,
• 2:02
  tussling with it, that's why we suffer.
• 2:05
  Why can't we quit?
• 2:07
  Why are they taking so long?
• 2:08
  Why can't we, you know?
• 2:10
  Is my email down?
• 2:11
  No, my email's working.
• 2:12
  Is their email down?
• 2:13
  Is the whole internet down?
• 2:15
  What the fuck is going on?
• 2:17
  Are all phones down?
• 2:19
  Phone network is down
• 2:20
  Which country?
• 2:20
  My country?
• 2:21
  Their country?
• 2:21
  Shit
• 2:22
  You know
• 2:24
  The mind will make shit up
• 2:27
  It'll catastrophize
• 2:28
  It'll take something small
• 2:29
  And magnify it
• 2:33
  And
• 2:33
  It will take a leash
• 2:35
  Put it on you
• 2:36
  And take you out
• 2:37
  For a fucking walk
• 2:40
  If you don't pay attention
• 2:44
  You become the pet.
• 2:45
  It becomes the master.
• 2:50
  So, the whole, you know, the crux of the work is
• 2:53
  you step back into your seat as the observer.
• 2:58
  You take the leash off and you come back to sit and observe the mind
• 3:03
  and realize like, okay, here's what it's doing.
• 3:06
  And you witness like, here's what it's saying.
• 3:09
  And as a result of that conversation, here's what I'm feeling.
• 3:13
  out of that, here's what's happening in my body, what sensations I'm feeling in my body.
• 3:18
  And together, like they're all interconnected.
• 3:21
  It's not separate.
• 3:26
  And nothing is new.
• 3:29
  The structure of it is exactly the same, completely predictable.
• 3:33
  The mind is making some stuff up.
• 3:36
  the mind has some commentary about this
• 3:41
  situation, you know, about this information.
• 3:45
  It's making stuff up. So it teaches
• 3:48
  us certain virtues. It teaches us patience.
• 3:53
  It teaches us what we're putting our focus into,
• 3:56
  Pratyahara, right? Like the right focus of the mind.
• 4:01
  Because as it says in the Pratyahara practice, what you put your focus on
• 4:06
  You know, we experience it more emotionally, physically,
• 4:10
  and we're giving it our energy.
• 4:12
  So, you know, the learning is like to put your energy somewhere more useful.
• 4:17
  If there's nothing more you can do,
• 4:19
  and you already know that they're going to respond,
• 4:24
  what's the question?
• 4:26
  How do I make them respond quicker?
• 4:28
  Well, you can't unless you want to turn out like some freak.
• 4:35
  you know so don't leave it there is a time to take certain actions and there's a time
• 4:43
  to leave things let them manifest let them materialize you know give them the space and
• 4:52
  time that's needed so that's good it's teaching you certain things it's teaching you to be patient
• 4:57
  It's teaching you to calm things down
• 4:59
  It's teaching you to like
• 5:01
  Fill that time up with other useful things
• 5:04
  Empowering things
• 5:05
  Here's another part I would say
• 5:07
  And when it doesn't have the information
• 5:11
  Your mind
• 5:12
  Mine, yours
• 5:13
  Or our minds
• 5:15
  Will fill up the blank
• 5:17
  Will fill up the blanks
• 5:18
  Will basically make shit up
• 5:23
  That is convenient
• 5:24
  To the narrative
• 5:27
  been going on about. So if it has a narrative of I'm alone, well then it's going to look,
• 5:35
  it's going to focus on certain things and find more proof to prove that it is alone.
• 5:41
  If it has a belief of I'm not lovable, well it's going to look for more proof and try and prove
• 5:47
  that it is not lovable. It's going to make shit up, it's going to fill up the blanks,
• 5:52
  It's going to blow things out of proportion.
• 5:55
  So that's why you want to observe it and pay attention to it.
• 6:01
  Not get reactive with it, not tussle and grapple and fight it,
• 6:06
  but just like start to really become aware like,
• 6:09
  okay, this is my mind.
• 6:12
  Here's what it does.
• 6:13
  It struggles with this.
• 6:16
  You know, and it wants an answer and it wants it now.
• 6:20
  It wants this and it doesn't want that.
• 6:22
  Okay, doesn't mean it's easy.
• 6:27
  But that practice grows us, grows your patience, grows your capacity.
• 6:36
  Right.
• 6:37
  And therefore, then let's say it materializes into a relationship.
• 6:43
  Well, that patience will serve you if you continue to practice it.
• 6:52
  let's say, you know, as an example
• 6:57
  I know
• 6:58
  I know it's making things up, good
• 7:01
  that you know, because ultimately I know he wants to see
• 7:06
  me again, good, so calm the fuck down
• 7:12
  that's how you deal with it
• 7:15
  put your focus on things that's going to nourish
• 7:18
  you, that's going to make you feel good about yourself, that's going to fill you up with
• 7:23
  joy, that's going to fill you up with love, you know, magic in life, right?
• 7:28
  Like that's the wonder and magic of life.
• 7:31
  Children, nature, do things that you love.
• 7:37
  And I'm not saying occupy yourself to just distract yourself.
• 7:41
  I'm saying be present with this and you can choose to either be still with it or do things with consciousness, with awareness.
• 7:52
  So you fill your time or some of your time with things that really nourish you while you're waiting.
• 7:59
  And, you know, there's a really powerful thing when we can just wait.
• 8:05
  Just let it manifest because you've done your part.
• 8:09
  You've taken the action.
• 8:11
  needed and it's very normal when you have a mind whatever the hell normal is it is the most normal
• 8:18
  thing for the mind to do exactly the things that you're talking about to get impatient to want to
• 8:25
  push to want to control because it feels out of control so therefore it wants control so it's
• 8:33
  going to try and get control. And control is the thing that fucks up freedom. Control is the thing
• 8:43
  that destroys the very thing that we want. Love, let's say. Control and love cannot coexist
• 8:53
  unless someone's lying. So just a few things I've learned about, you know, I'm laughing because
• 9:01
  obviously I relate. I've been through shit in my life too
• 9:05
  and I experienced this stuff. It's easier to laugh
• 9:09
  at it when you're not in it. So I'm not laughing at you.
• 9:13
  Laughing at myself when I look back at my life. It's the
• 9:17
  most predictable patterns of our minds that we know so
• 9:21
  well because it's happened over and over and over again.
• 9:25
  So therefore life is trying to grow us in a certain way and until we grow
• 9:31
  lesson back so might as well pay attention to it right and learn the thing