Latest / Dr. Derek H. Suite MD - The SuiteSpot / The Search 3/7: Stop Buying Tickets to Clown Shows #WinItAllWednesday

Transcript

The Search 3/7: Stop Buying Tickets to Clown Shows #WinItAllWednesday · Dr. Derek H. Suite MD - The SuiteSpot

• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Greetings and welcome.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the sweet spot.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's Wednesday.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, it's not just Wednesday.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's Win It All Wednesday here on The Sweet Spot.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: We never just say it's Wednesday.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is not just Hump Day here at The Sweet Spot.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's Win It All Wednesday.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Where science, soul, and success come together so that you and I can be winners in this game of life.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Dr.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Derek Sweet.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host of The Sweet Spot.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm your teammate in the game, the game of life.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a board-certified psychiatrist.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: I specialize in sports.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: I specialize in sleep.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: I specialize in science.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: I specialize in sitting with you and making sure that we grasp and understand that this is not a rehearsal.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: This is the game of life.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: And we're in it, sweet squatter.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, we've been in a series all week long called The Search.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: We've been searching statements, we've been searching quotes, we've been searching sayings all week long just to figure out what information, what insights can we grasp from them as we unpack them.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, and this is Win It All Wednesday, so we're gonna be talking about winning out loud.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: And when we're talking about who's in the room while you're winning, that's an important thing.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's super important because sometimes when you're a winner, you are in a room with people who are not necessarily on your side.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know about you, but have you ever been in a situation where you've done something great, you've accomplished something, and you can't really share it because the people around you are gonna be either haters or they're gonna find something wrong, or you feel as if it's not the right crowd to share it with.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, absolutely.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: So let's start right there.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: The scene we found this week, and I heard it on the internet, I gotta confess, this dude was great when he said it.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: He said this it's not bragging in a room full of people that want to see you win.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's not bragging in a room full of people that want to see you win.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Let's let that land.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: If you are in a room of people that are for you, that want to see you win, it's not bragging.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to dim what you're seeing, you don't have to downplay yourself with that kind of crowd.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to hide your accomplishments, your greatness, your power, your ability, who you are.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to start off your statements with, I don't want to sound like I'm bragging, but no, they see you.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: If you're in a room full of people that want to see you in, it's not bragging because they see you.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: When you don't have that room, you learn to apologize for your greatness, you learn to lower your standard.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what the science says about this.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know, here on the sweet spot, we're about science, soul, and success.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna give it to you.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna tell you exactly what the science says about this.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: The science says that when we minimize our achievements, we shrink our wins to make other people feel comfortable.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: We're not really being humble.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: What we're actually doing is much more damaging than that, sweet spotter.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: We're training our brain to disconnect success from safety.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: The two don't go together anymore once you start diminishing yourself when you've done something great, and now you have to play it down.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: The brain starts disconnecting safety and success.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Neuroscience shows us that the brain's reward system, which is driven by dopamine as you know, needs acknowledgement to reinforce winning behavior.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'll say it again.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: The brain's reward system, your brain's reward system, needs acknowledgement to reinforce winning behaviors.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: You see, when you achieve something significant and then immediately minimize it, you're interpreting and reinterpreting something that should be on blast as something that should be on low volume, and you're interrupting the reward loop.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: You are essentially telling your nervous system that one wasn't really safe to celebrate.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'll just not say anything, I'll just play it down, I'll just say I was nothing, and over time you stop going after wins that feel too big to celebrate quietly.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: It kind of happens very subtly.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, humility is a virtue, you don't want to be arrogant, but shrinking your accomplishments, shrinking is not humility.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Shrinking is self-erasure, dressed up as modesty.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: You should not shrink, you do not set yourself on fire to keep people warm.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: So let's hear that saying again because all week long we've been unpacking statements, we've been unpacking sayings.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's not bragging, sweet Sparter, in a room full of people that want to see you win.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: The key phrase is right there in the middle.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: A room full of people that want to see you.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: They want to see you win.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's the truth: in the wrong room, your win will always feel like a threat to someone, to some hater somewhere, to some insecure person somewhere.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: In the right room, mm-mm, your win becomes fuel for everyone else.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: They're galvanized by your winning because they want to see you win.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: The problem is never the winning, the problem is the room.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: The room you're in.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: What around you, the people around you.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: And that brings me to a second phrase.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: Today is a two, today's a double header.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm giving you two phrases today.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: There's a second phrase that I saw that I felt went along with this, and I'm gonna put them together.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: The first one was it's not bragging when you're in a room of people and full of people that want to see you in.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: And the second thing that I wanted you I want you to sit with today is this.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Don't blame a clown for acting like a clown.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, sweet spotter.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: I heard that one too, and it got me.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: It made me stop.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Don't blame clowns for acting like clowns.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Just ask yourself, why do I keep going to the circus?
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: Hmm, mm-hmm.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: That one just lands, doesn't it?
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: It just hits.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because we've all done it.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: Guilty right here, man, being around a clown in the clown show.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: We've all kept someone in our circle long past the expiration date.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Kept showing up to environments that drain us with the wrong crowd.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: We kept seeking and keep seeking validation from people who were never equipped to give it to us.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then we wonder why we don't feel unsupported.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: We wonder why we don't feel supported, why we feel unsupported, we feel unseen, unacknowledged.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Why do our wins go unacknowledged?
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Why are they ignoring me?
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: They're clowns, they can't help it.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: So here's what this saying is asking you to do.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: And it takes real courage, I'll admit, it does.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Stop auditing the clowns.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: Stop researching the clowns and trying to figure out why they're acting like clowns.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Stop blaming the clown.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: After all, they are who they are.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Start auditing yourself.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: Start asking yourself, why?
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I here?
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I in this circus?
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: The clown is gonna do what clowns do.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's not a character flaw on the clown's part.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: That is a character description of the clown.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: You can't change the nature of the circus.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's really hard to do.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: You ever been to a circus?
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: There's several things going on at once.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: You got the elephants over here, you got the flying trapeze thing.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's a circus.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Should you be there?
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Should you be in this circus?
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: You can't change the nature of the circus.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: You cannot coach the clowns into becoming a board of directors.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Bad move.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what you can do?
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what you must do.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: You could ask yourself, why do you keep buying a ticket to the circus?
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what I've seen in high performance in my work, in my work, right?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean this with all the love in the world.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we keep going back to the circus because deep down in our hearts, we are still looking for the people who doubted us and didn't believe in us to finally validate us.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: We want the person who said that we couldn't do it, we wouldn't make it, to see that we did make it.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: And we always remember those people, and it takes work to let them go.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: God knows in my life, the people that told me that I couldn't be a doctor and that they didn't think that I could do it, I remember.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what?
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't, if you're not careful, this is one of the most expensive tickets you will ever buy to the circus.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because seeking that validation, even if it comes, it will never be worth the cost.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: What it costs you to wait for it, it's not worth it.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: Neuroscience calls this the external locus of control.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: We have talked about this here on the sweet spot.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: When you're anchoring your sense of success to how others respond to it, and the research is clear, the science is clear.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: People who operate from an external locus of control, wanting other people to validate them, needing other people's clapping, report lower resilience, lower satisfaction, lower mood, and their performance lowers over time.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Be careful.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: This is Win It All Wednesday, sweet spotter.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: The winners, the real ones, operate from the inside out.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: They have an internal internal locus of control.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: They don't need the circus.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: They don't need the clowns, and they don't need the applause.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: They need the right room with a crowd that really is for them.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: So let's put this together.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Let's put these two phrases together on With It All Wednesday for you to walk around with and just.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know about you, but I like them.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's not bragging in a room full of people that want to see you win.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: And don't blame the clowns for acting like clowns.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: One tells you where to stand, and the other tells you what you got to leave behind.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: So, here is your win it all Wednesday assignment.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: Two parts.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Both of them require honesty, sweet spotter.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: First, own a win out loud today.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care what it is.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want you to be quiet.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want you to disclaim it or bury it.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to say, I am a winner, text it to someone, text an accomplishment that you made today to someone.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: If nobody's available for you to text it to, you say it in the mirror.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: I accomplished this today.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: I am the best in this.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like Michael Jackson said, who's bad?
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to post it.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: If you're bold enough, find a room, even if it's a room of one right now, and let yourself be celebrated in this room because you want to be bragging in a room full of people that want to see you win.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: And if that person is you, brag to yourself today.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: Who's back?
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: Your nervous system needs this, sweet spotter.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Your future self needs this.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody's around.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Do it anyway today.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: And the second thing is audit the circus.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: Audit your circus.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: Think about the people and the environments you keep returning to, or environments or people that leave you feeling smaller than when you arrive.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: They're acting funny, but nobody's laughing.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: The group chat that you shouldn't be in that drains you.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: The relationship where your wins are always met with silence or shade.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: The environment where you're kind of just tolerated but never truly celebrated.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: Where somebody always has something negative to say, no matter how well you do.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: Get out of the clown show.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: Ha ha ha! That's right.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's Win It All Wednesday.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: This is not to shame anyone, it's about us getting our ticket.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, we just got off the energy bus a couple of weeks ago, right?
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: We talked about that book.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: And now we are in the idea of winning by being around the right people, even if that's the mirror.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because the right room is waiting for you.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: And you cannot get there if you keep spending your energy at the circus.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, you got it.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: One final time.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: Let this land together today on Win It All Wednesday, and we're out.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's not bragging, sweet spotter, if you're in a room full of people that want to see you win.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: And even if that's a room of one.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: And don't blame the clowns for acting like clowns anymore.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself why or why do you keep coming to the circus?
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: Find your room, leave the circus, win out loud.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's the whole assignment here for Win It All Wednesday.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: And if you know someone that needs to get away from a circus, or you know someone that needs to be in a room full of people that want to see them win, share this message.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: And please subscribe if you're not part of our room.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because in this room, oh, we definitely want to see you win.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: In this room, we believe you are already a winner.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: We know you're a winner, and you were born to win.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: So you've got to act like a winner.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: This is the sweet spot for science, for soul, and success.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Dr.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: Derek Sweet.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you tomorrow for Trust Yourself Thursday!