Latest / Enough & Evolving / Perfectly Imperfect: A Mother-Daughter Conversation on Life & Self-Acceptance
Transcript
- Tyona Vallejo: Hello and welcome to Enough In Evolving Podcast. I'm your host, Tyona Vallejo, master certified life coach and mindfulness expert, you reclaim confidence, break through unhelpful patterns and manifest the relationships and life you desire. Now let's get started. If you're listening to this and you're recognizing yourself in these patterns, this is exactly the work I do inside my coaching. This isn't something you have to figure out alone. If you're ready to feel more confident, grounded, and self-trusting, I'd love to support you. Check out the show notes to book a consultation coaching call today. All right, today I'm so excited. I have a special guest on the podcast to celebrate ⁓ Day coming up this weekend. I thought it'd be fun to have my mom on the Welcome, mama. This is Allen. those of you that don't know my mom. So a lot of you know her. She comes to yoga with me all the time. She actually goes more than I do, to be honest. And I thought it would just be fun to share some of her wisdoms as she is now in her 70s. And we just got back from sharing some travels together. We went on almost a two week travel bit, that retreat that we did in Empower. She was a part of that retreat, one of the retreat guests. And we went and played a little bit before and a little bit after. ⁓ We went Boston before we got Azores and then we went to Lisbon, ⁓ Portugal for the first Actually, I think she did a ⁓ quick stint there before. But ⁓ yeah, we had an amazing time. It was so much fun. I'm sure if you're following me on Instagram, you saw a bunch of pictures of us ⁓ yeah, it was good. It was good. So we're going to dive into today's topic. Talking all about motherhood and lessons we've in motherhood well ⁓ as ⁓ just some of the things that up that can be challenging ⁓ how would really hope others would maybe feel more empowered, let go of some of that motherhood guilt that seems to creep in to all of us. And so mama. Thank you. Thank you for agreeing to do this. Of course. So my first question for you today is, what did motherhood teach you about yourself? that am capable raising child and that my could be opened up to ⁓ give a lot more than I realized. ⁓ And it was so fulfilling to know that giving can be rewarding. And so that's my experience. Yeah. Yeah. I definitely feel that too. It's like, I don't know if you remember, but I didn't think ⁓ I was younger, I really think about having kids. I mean, think when I was really young, it was kind of like, ⁓ yeah, you're you're going to have two kids, blah, blah. That was kind of the ideal. But you probably remember as I was a teen, was like, no kids, no, you know. And just was so, you know, for lack of better words, self-centered, just like I didn't want to have to take care of another. Didn't think probably I was capable of taking care of another. I was kind of party girl. ⁓ kind of crazy and so yeah so that that is something that I definitely agree motherhood teaches you is like ⁓ okay this ⁓ show is ⁓ more than just me and my you know you know that that I do ⁓ and you're of really just opening your heart and spreading so much more love And in doing so, it's like you really, you feel so much more love, like that unconditional love that you have as a mother. It's like no other, like that really just cracked me open. It's like, this is like completely yeah. Exactly. And you experience a bond that you didn't know existed and you're like, wow, this is very cool. ⁓ Yeah. And you had me very young. ⁓ that realization at what? 19? 20? I 20 when you were born, just about ⁓ ready turn 21. So yeah, I was a child in many ways. it was ⁓ eye opening. for sure, experience that. But to know that it was good, it was a good thing. And kinds things were you mentored or taught about motherhood that you can ⁓ that... I guess just by example of the ⁓ in life, just ⁓ how were nurturers ⁓ and always kept track ⁓ what the were ⁓ there was a lot moms my family that just joy was just being a mom and they weren't really career oriented their place they felt were in the home and so it was important for them to have that good relationship with their kids and you know a loving home for the kids to grow up in so That was kind of the modeling that was, you know, I experienced. um. So then how did you manage, because I remember growing up, you were also, you, you did work and you were going to school and you were doing things to improve your education and our ability to, know, have things. Right? So ⁓ how you balance that? Well, you know, it was, it was a act and I was also influenced my father who early on in his marriage, ⁓ he needed to ⁓ do education. And he wanted to be a better role model father, provide for our family. I took, was in the back of my mind is like, okay, I need to continue my education and ⁓ work ethic, as as ⁓ the home life. So ⁓ mom early on, would just kind of ⁓ split time between going back to school, coming home, sure we had nice meals, play on ⁓ the weekends, and ⁓ it was a balancing act that continued for many years. I think that's one of the biggest struggles that I hear from a lot of women, a lot of that are still care younger children and even ⁓ trying to when they have older children just being there for family, ⁓ all of those Are there any... ⁓ things that you've learned that you would, pieces of advice or tips that you would give to moms that feel like they maybe aren't meeting up with their own expectations and they're feeling like they're struggling or failing at that balancing I think you just have to come back to yourself and just reflecting and contemplating ⁓ on what is want your life to look like. even though we want good family life, we're still ⁓ individuals that have goals that want to reach. self-care that we need to implement to make us ⁓ feel day to day. it's, yeah, and on following that. That's how I approached What's something that a memory is coming to my mind where I remember you had had a planner, ⁓ journal book, physical planner, and you would write in it and ⁓ would, I remember you would write ⁓ about my sister and I, right? Like that you wanted to remember for us to do for us or whatever. And I do remember recall that that was interesting. to me that I got put in the planner, I guess, I don't know. It was just like, that it was, ⁓ was important for you to just remember that. ⁓ that at the same time, there was this idea of, ⁓ she's got a ⁓ schedule and a life and other responsibilities. And so it just kind of made me ⁓ that it wasn't just about me either, right? Yeah. That's interesting. That just popped up into my head. That's funny. So one thing that happens, I think, with a lot of mothers is that feeling of complete love and elation for this new, you know, relationship that you now have with your children and also I think somewhere along the line in becoming a mom, we tend to lose ourselves, lose who we are. And in ways, I can see how that's necessary and not really a bad thing. And at the same time, I think there is challenge in that because you're wondering who the Who the heck am I now? you speak to that, your experience? Was there a time where you realized, I don't know, ⁓ I've myself? do you recall any of that experience or your challenges with that? Well, I still, I would say, have questions. Who am I at my core? I still have that question because my past has been with divorces and children and moving a lot. I do have a restless soul. But again, I do... just cherish my responsibility to my family, my kids, my husband now. so I don't want to lose that part of me that's ⁓ and just travel and ⁓ having fun. ⁓ so I think for me, ⁓ just need to keep asking myself, who is... Sylvia at the core, you know, and I want to just Nurture child inside ⁓ because think she's just as important as the responsible mom ⁓ responsible you know citizen as far as relationship to our our world Yeah, so that's ⁓ That's so beautiful. I love that. And that is so important. think, again, was saying that I think it's necessary that we lose ourselves because I think we're always changing day to day. We're always a new. And so I love that you brought up the fact that you're constantly ⁓ asking again and again, who am I? Who am I at my core? Because yeah, we step into these roles we play, we have these different identities, and then we to the next and we change again and we become the next. And ⁓ especially ⁓ we right? We've been talking about that quite a bit of how we identified with a particular youthful beauty at one point and then when you're face begins to change and everything, your body, you're like, okay, wait, am I? It's kind of a mind F, right? And so... When they quit you miss and they call you ma'am, you're like, okay, I got it. Yeah, yeah. And I loved ⁓ something that you a while back and we were having a conversation about that, about aging and how you've been such a great mentor to me for, you know, aging gracefully and just like, you know, trying to really embrace yourself and the privilege of aging. Although ⁓ being about it when you're like, you know, I just like you miss things about your youthful look or whatever. ⁓ but I love one time we were having a conversation about your girlfriends and you were talking to them and they're, they're a little younger than you, right? About a decade younger. And so you were saying to them, they're, they're returning what 60 and you're now in your seventies. ⁓ so you were saying to them, what that to, ⁓ enjoy their sixties. Yeah. Right. Cause then you'll get. hopefully to the next decade and you'll look back and you'll go, wow, exactly. She was pretty fly. Sixthies is looking pretty good when you're 70. Yeah. yeah. Embrace them. Yeah. And so I think a lot of women, because again, they go through that transition, they go through, women in midlife, there tends to be this ⁓ of confidence that of go through ⁓ our mid-age, kind of ⁓ struggle with feeling confident as we maybe once did. Did you experience that and what that like for or? Well, I think retiring You are no longer have that identity of a working woman so I would Yeah experience like asking that question. Okay, who am I? so that has just come up and I think you have to just redefine yourself as like, it's okay to embrace whatever stage you're at and just like, okay, what do I want this to look like now? And for me, I had a lot of time alone. at home so that's how I just stepped into really gearing up my fitness and ⁓ just making yoga just constant ⁓ know just an everyday thing for me so that's been very fun ⁓ know ⁓ along with you know other activities that I ⁓ want to do for myself. Yeah. So what's something that you wish could tell your younger self when ⁓ ⁓ back at these challenges that you've gone through, just motherhood overall, you talked about how you've had a... you know, a couple of different marriages. so would you like to go back and say to your younger self? What does she need to know? Just for me, it was like, you don't have all the answers at that time, and you just need to pick what feels right at the moment. hoping that will make some good decisions for your future. But trying to ⁓ tap that part of yourself that needs be nurtured and just like, okay, this is why I'm doing ⁓ It's for that inside. And... just continue each phase that way that you enter. That's kind of how I approached it anyway. Yeah, yeah. And a lot of women put a lot of pressure on themselves, a lot of expectations. What do you say to the woman that is feeling like you know, she's not meeting her expectations whether that's in motherhood, whether that's just with her life herself in herself. Is something that, you know, helped you or is there somewhere that, you know, you feel like women overall, especially women in mid age, are putting too much pressure on themselves that you would wish they would just let go of? Well, I think in life we tend just ⁓ strive perfection all the time and ⁓ life ⁓ perfectly I would say just to embrace the imperfection of it like the should have, have, have just don't. you know, need to stay in heart. They just, ⁓ you need to embrace, this ⁓ where got so far and ⁓ I'll this way, maybe I'll change that way, but ⁓ whatever decision doing, it's okay, cause I chose it. And ⁓ if ⁓ to make that that's okay too. It's perfectly imperfect. Yeah, sounds like like just this constant like accepting and forgiving, ⁓ and forgiving. And you're you're having hard time that. I think we're constantly growing. We'll never stop growing. it's it's something to accept is going to help you out in the long run. Yeah. Yeah. What do feel has been ⁓ like your biggest lesson in life, whether it's or your relationships or just overall? I would say forgiveness. Forgive for any shortcomings you feel like you didn't reach. ⁓ So, forgiveness of ones. me, it just... That seems to work. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. Otherwise it just like burdens you so much and steal so much of your joy. And that's one of the things that I know I love helping women with when I'm coaching is just getting out of that. Those, you know, places that we tend to get stuck in that mom guilt. What do you think, ⁓ talk a lot about being right? ⁓ And podcast, ⁓ I Enough and what do you ⁓ being enough means you? I think just alive and being ⁓ curious and being open constantly learning ⁓ enough. Existence, Yep. I agree. I agree. All right, I have just a couple last questions. What is one thing you think that I got from you? ⁓ Drive ⁓ and putting together a cute outfit. would agree. I agree. ⁓ And think that's something you got from your mother. That ⁓ is Yeah. Yeah, that's so good. Well, thank you, mama, for joining me on this podcast. And thank you to all the listeners for listening our Mother Daughter podcast. ⁓ I that you are enjoying your Mother's Day weekend ⁓ and whether mother is still present ⁓ physically ⁓ or present spiritually. I hope that you can feel into her comfort and warmth ⁓ your heart ⁓ week. All right, thanks. Happy Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day.