Latest / All Figured Out with Andrea Barr: Figuring Out Work, Life and Parenting / 119. Your body knows what your brain keeps ignoring with somatic coach Fiona Walsh

Transcript

119. Your body knows what your brain keeps ignoring with somatic coach Fiona Walsh · All Figured Out with Andrea Barr: Figuring Out Work, Life and Parenting

• 0:00
  Welcome back to the All Figured Out podcast.
• 0:02
  My name is Andrea Barr. Welcome to the show.
• 0:05
  It is great to have you here again.
• 0:07
  I don't know if anyone here listens to Yoto or if their
• 0:10
  children listen to Yoto, but I'm I really like doing impressions
• 0:14
  of the host. I think his name is Jake.
• 0:17
  And I'm not going to do the British accent, but I feel like
• 0:19
  I was just channeling Jake there for a moment.
• 0:22
  So there you go. And my podcast editor's name is
• 0:25
  Jake. So hello, Jake.
• 0:27
  I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about the Yoto guy.
• 0:29
  The voice of Yoto. Anyways, we're going to get into
• 0:33
  it. This is this is an episode.
• 0:37
  It's a good one. It's a really good one.
• 0:39
  If you have ever thought I'm doing it all and somehow I'd
• 0:44
  still just don't feel like me. This episode is going to be your
• 0:49
  exhale. It might be confronting for a
• 0:51
  moment. And then you're going to be
• 0:53
  like, damn it, yes, this is exactly what I need to do.
• 0:57
  My guest today is Fiona Walsh. She is a coach and she is the
• 1:00
  creator of the Inner Freedom Method, which is a process that
• 1:04
  blends neuroscience based mindset tools with somatic
• 1:07
  practices which help high achieving people, parents and
• 1:11
  leaders just recalibrate their life.
• 1:14
  She's fantastic. We will get into what all of
• 1:17
  that stuff means, the neuro science based mindset tools,
• 1:21
  what somatic practices actually are, all of that.
• 1:23
  We're going to get into it. You won't be left in the dark if
• 1:25
  you don't know what that is. She has Fiona has an extremely
• 1:28
  rare gift. She's extremely intuitive and
• 1:31
  she can help just step into your story.
• 1:33
  And I, I just know I've never worked with her, but I can just
• 1:37
  tell she will just name exactly what's going on beneath the
• 1:41
  surface of your polished exterior.
• 1:42
  There's so many people that I work with who have said to me,
• 1:46
  you know, I my life looks and is amazing on the outside.
• 1:50
  Why doesn't feel, why doesn't it feel as good on the inside as it
• 1:54
  feels on the outside? And that is something that I
• 1:58
  would say Fiona can just dial right into and help you sort
• 2:02
  through, which is incredible. Things like perfectionism,
• 2:04
  people pleasing, you know, these are all survival patterns is
• 2:08
  what she says that once made you super successful but can create
• 2:12
  burnout, especially when you add kids into the mix.
• 2:14
  In our conversation, we unpack her powerful faces kind of in
• 2:18
  this conversation, which is that most working parents aren't
• 2:21
  overwhelmed because they're doing life wrong.
• 2:24
  They're overwhelmed because they're still running with this
• 2:28
  old pattern and this old way of being that they were using
• 2:32
  before they had children and it just no longer fits.
• 2:35
  We talk about identity recalibration after kids, how to
• 2:38
  work with your nervous system so you can stop spiraling and start
• 2:42
  actually responding and what releasing really means.
• 2:45
  You know, there's all this like release this thing in the past,
• 2:48
  like how how do you do that? She helps us with that, and I'm
• 2:51
  gonna be honest, I felt deeply seen in this episode.
• 2:55
  I called it out at the very end and I said, I feel like you're
• 2:58
  just speaking to me. We don't even know each other
• 3:00
  that well. We've had one lovely coffee
• 3:02
  date, but that's it. And so this one hit me to my
• 3:05
  core, and I suspect there's going to be some of you out
• 3:08
  there who it does for as well. If that is you, can you please
• 3:11
  drop me a message, send me and send me a note on Instagram at
• 3:14
  all figured out, Andrea, because I want to know that I'm not
• 3:17
  alone in these feelings of being extremely seen.
• 3:22
  I'm not going to spoil it anymore.
• 3:24
  I will let you just hear how this conversation unfolds.
• 3:28
  I know you're going to love it. So without further ado, I give
• 3:32
  you Fiona Walsh. This is all figured out.
• 3:39
  I'm Andrea Barr. I'm a career coach for parents,
• 3:41
  a mom of two, and I absolutely believe that you can continue to
• 3:45
  grow personally and professionally while protecting
• 3:48
  family time. We're about to figure out this
• 3:53
  work, life and parenting stuff out together.
• 4:03
  Fiona Walsh, thank you so much for joining me on the All
• 4:06
  Figured Out podcast. Thank you for having.
• 4:09
  Me, it is so fun to be on this end of the mic.
• 4:12
  You so graciously had me on your podcast Limitless, which was
• 4:18
  episode 40. If you go check out Fionas
• 4:20
  episode there, I'll link it in the show notes.
• 4:23
  And I have to say that was the probably the most, you know, it
• 4:26
  was 100% the most vulnerable and open I've ever been on a podcast
• 4:31
  being interviewed by someone else.
• 4:32
  So thank you for that. As they say in the Wicked press
• 4:36
  tour, thank you for holding the space.
• 4:38
  I so appreciated it. No, my pleasure and holding
• 4:43
  space is what I love to do so. Do you know the reference I'm
• 4:47
  talking about? Yes, yes, yes, I love.
• 4:50
  Lipid the pressure was like just the best.
• 4:54
  Ah, I loved all the content coming out of it and I was in a
• 4:57
  movie this past weekend and they the trailer for the second one.
• 5:02
  I haven't actually watched it, but it was like I was a captive
• 5:04
  audience. Oh my gosh.
• 5:06
  And the second one and like for good was playing and I was like,
• 5:09
  oh, my musical theatre small child inside is just dying.
• 5:13
  So anyway. I'm with you Matthew.
• 5:17
  Good fan as well and musical theatre was my jam so.
• 5:21
  Oh, I forgot we have this information.
• 5:24
  I knew Alicia knew I loved you. Well, thank you again for having
• 5:28
  me on your podcast. And it's so fun to turn things
• 5:30
  around. And I'm going to start in a very
• 5:32
  different way. I think we were talking about
• 5:35
  this before. Oftentimes in episodes, I'll be
• 5:37
  like, OK, take me back. What's your career story?
• 5:40
  How did you become a parent? I want to start with a quote
• 5:44
  from you that you left on my podcast submission form.
• 5:48
  So peek behind the curtain. I send all my guests this form.
• 5:51
  And I asked him a few questions just to be like, is there
• 5:53
  anything you want to like? You know, topics off limit.
• 5:56
  And I always ask, and it's one of my favorite questions that I
• 5:59
  even ask, like coaching clients. Now I say, what is your thesis?
• 6:03
  If you were to shout something from the rooftops, what would it
• 6:06
  be? And I want to read.
• 6:08
  I took snippets of this and put it together.
• 6:10
  I want to read what you wrote. And then I got a big question
• 6:14
  after that. OK, This is what Fiona Walsh
• 6:17
  wrote. It is so beautiful.
• 6:18
  Oh, my gosh. OK.
• 6:20
  What I've come to believe is this.
• 6:22
  Most working parents weren't overwhelmed because they're
• 6:25
  doing life wrong. They're overwhelmed and under
• 6:27
  pressure because they're still running an old wiring that no
• 6:31
  longer fits who they've become. The pressure to be everything to
• 6:35
  everyone. That is the constant
• 6:38
  overthinking. The guilt for not doing enough,
• 6:40
  even when you're doing it all. This isn't just a mindset
• 6:44
  problem. You can't reframe, talk, or
• 6:46
  strategize your way out of it. The real problem, the real power
• 6:50
  move, is identity recalibration, trusting yourself.
• 6:54
  Then we can soften. We feel more present, more
• 6:57
  powerful, and more like ourselves.
• 6:59
  Not because we figured it all out, loved that part, but
• 7:03
  because we've come home to who we actually are.
• 7:07
  How the hell did you figure all of that out?
• 7:12
  Well, it wasn't like a over the night, overnight kind of thing.
• 7:16
  And I will be super honest that I'm still in the figuring it out
• 7:20
  journey. I don't know if any of us ever
• 7:23
  fully figure it out, but I do. I want to take you back.
• 7:28
  And it wasn't that many years ago.
• 7:29
  So in COVID, when a lot of us had our own existential crisis,
• 7:34
  we were stuck at home with kids and I had little kids at home.
• 7:39
  So I became a mum and had a very busy toddler when I found out I
• 7:45
  was pregnant with twins. So I had three kids in two
• 7:49
  years. And so my twins were 18 months
• 7:53
  old when COVID hit. So we were still really in the
• 7:56
  thick of it with a 3 1/2 year old and 18 month old twins and
• 8:01
  then trying to work from home. And I, I remember going through
• 8:06
  lots of those questions, like many of us said of like, who do
• 8:10
  I want to be? Is this the kind of work I want
• 8:11
  to be doing? Like, and I think becoming a
• 8:13
  parent, you go through that. But I think it was probably
• 8:16
  heightened or elevated because of the pressure cooker that we
• 8:20
  were all experiencing from COVID.
• 8:23
  And I was asking all these questions and trying to be
• 8:29
  everything to everyone. I was not aware of the fact that
• 8:34
  I had my own protective patterns which were in place so very much
• 8:40
  high achiever, high performer, wanting to do it all, Type A
• 8:45
  personality control freak. If I was really honest with
• 8:48
  myself and also really strong people pleasing tendencies, so
• 8:54
  super adaptable, could do it all, could hold it all, keep
• 8:57
  everyone happy. But most people pleasers who are
• 9:01
  also coupled with high achievers actually get to a stage.
• 9:04
  You realise that you have a ceiling of how much you can hold
• 9:10
  and so I hit that ceiling in just after COVID and I didn't,
• 9:17
  interestingly, I didn't burn out in the typical like ending up at
• 9:22
  the doctor or hospitalise, which I've got some friends and
• 9:25
  clients who have been through. I just lost all sense of who I
• 9:31
  was and what my purpose was in the world.
• 9:34
  And so I felt lost and lonely in this very busy, full life, which
• 9:40
  is a really horrible place to find yourself.
• 9:43
  And I know I'm not alone in finding that place because so
• 9:47
  many people might be there listening or they've been there
• 9:50
  and they're like, oh fuck, I remember, I remember.
• 9:54
  And so the turning point was sitting on the couch at home and
• 9:59
  looking around and there was like it was it was still
• 10:01
  encoded, washing everywhere, toys everywhere, everything was
• 10:06
  a gong show. Just disorganised chaos.
• 10:09
  And I had tried all a lot of things, like I was big into
• 10:14
  neuroscience and mindset. I've done like reframing
• 10:18
  positive affirmations. Like I'd read the books.
• 10:22
  I'd had a leadership coach at work who was very supportive.
• 10:25
  So I'd talk through a lot of things with her.
• 10:28
  But I got to stage, I was sitting this room covered with
• 10:31
  Everything, Everywhere. And I realized that my mind
• 10:34
  actually was busier and more discombobulated than the room
• 10:37
  that I was looking at. And I remember saying to my
• 10:41
  partner and like out, I'm out of ideas.
• 10:43
  And I was always an ideas person.
• 10:45
  I could always find a solution. Very optimistic, very positive,
• 10:48
  always find a solution. I was like, I'm officially out
• 10:52
  and I can't think my way out of this.
• 10:55
  I can't talk my way out of this. I actually don't know what to
• 10:58
  do. And we're sitting there and then
• 11:02
  I heard this like voice in my head that was like, it's you,
• 11:05
  only you can change this. And so I went from probably
• 11:10
  being a bit martyr ish and victim of like this is all
• 11:13
  happening to me and I'm, I'm out of control to like, alright,
• 11:18
  let's figure out what's going on here and let's try a different
• 11:24
  approach. Because clearly, like what got
• 11:27
  me to hear and my identity and who I was and how I approached
• 11:31
  life and how I solved problems and look for solutions and how I
• 11:34
  used my mindset had reached its peak and it wasn't working
• 11:38
  anymore. And so I was really emotionally
• 11:40
  burnt out. And so I had always wanted to do
• 11:45
  a yoga retreat. And so I was walking to my other
• 11:48
  half. The next week, all five of us
• 11:50
  had COVID. It was the week where we all got
• 11:53
  taken down, which every family dreaded.
• 11:55
  But then once you're in it, you're like, OK, it's really
• 11:58
  awful, but at least we'll just watch Paul patrol nonstop
• 12:00
  because we're not capable of doing anything else.
• 12:04
  And I booked this yoga retreat in Tulum.
• 12:07
  And what was interesting was I went and I got a five day break
• 12:12
  from my kids and I hadn't had a break since they've been born.
• 12:15
  So that was part of it as well in terms of like living overseas
• 12:18
  from my family, I had never really had a break.
• 12:22
  So I was, you know, burnt out emotionally and physically.
• 12:26
  And when I was there in a breathwork session, I had a full
• 12:31
  heart opening awakening experience, really cracked me
• 12:36
  open. And when the tuning fork of the
• 12:40
  facilitator, he put it on my chest, it felt like in the
• 12:43
  breathwork that my entire chest ripped open.
• 12:45
  My heart exploded out and I saw all these colourful lights and
• 12:49
  like it was really beautiful and I was it was I was very Intel
• 12:58
  intellectually traded that they should have made no sense
• 13:01
  whatsoever. I was in like, holy fuck, what
• 13:03
  was that? But knowing that something crazy
• 13:06
  but incredible had happened, magical had happened, but didn't
• 13:10
  have the words or the sense making around it.
• 13:13
  And then two days later in a Reiki session, the first one I'd
• 13:15
  ever done as well. This is still at the retreat
• 13:18
  when the the facilitator read my shockers when she got from what
• 13:22
  your heart chakra, she was like, she had information on the
• 13:25
  different ones like you're rude. And then she got my heart.
• 13:26
  She was like, Oh my God, your heart.
• 13:28
  Tucker was dislike wide open. Like more than I've ever seen.
• 13:33
  And I'm never sitting there going holy shit, how do you
• 13:37
  know? And she was like, what?
• 13:38
  And I told her about the breathwork.
• 13:40
  And so it was in that moment that my thinking, cognitive part
• 13:46
  of my identity had to take a back seat, and I had to believe
• 13:51
  in something way bigger than what made sense to me because I
• 13:54
  felt it so strongly in my body. And that was the beginning of me
• 14:01
  beginning to understand how intuitive I was, how I probably
• 14:05
  always had been. But I had shut down that part of
• 14:07
  me many, many decades ago. And so after that, I got drawn,
• 14:13
  I came back and it was a bit of a bumpy integration, as you can
• 14:16
  imagine, crashing back to reality.
• 14:19
  But I did get some pretty big queues from the universe after
• 14:23
  leaving the retreat around internal family systems.
• 14:27
  And so that was my first sort of step into like, let's take a
• 14:32
  different approach. This is not talk based therapy.
• 14:36
  This is not cognitive. It's not like a psychology based
• 14:40
  model. It's a body based model.
• 14:43
  And you go into like a hypnotic state.
• 14:45
  And, and so that was my like, first step and I like fell in
• 14:50
  love with that and then started to unravel from there.
• 14:54
  And I guess part of that journey was after the retreat, I came
• 14:57
  back and I made the decision to leave my corporate job and go
• 15:05
  out on my own and become an entrepreneur, which I had always
• 15:10
  told myself that I wasn't around for trimmer.
• 15:12
  Like I, I like my friends who had done it a few years before.
• 15:15
  I was like, Oh my God, I'm so proud of you.
• 15:16
  You're like so brave. That's just not for me.
• 15:19
  And so some of the stories that you can already hear coming
• 15:23
  through from me were part of my original identity around being a
• 15:28
  people pleaser and wanting to please everyone and being very
• 15:30
  adaptable, but not saying no to things and then self abandoning
• 15:33
  and then like not liking myself for doing that.
• 15:36
  To be telling myself that I'm only good in corporate and I'm a
• 15:40
  really high performing corporate, but there's no way I
• 15:42
  could run my own business. And so this is the journey that
• 15:47
  that I've been on to really step into my Fiona 2.0, who is a
• 15:53
  really different person in terms of the story she tells herself,
• 16:00
  her ability to catch self doubt or inner critics when they come
• 16:05
  online because they were ruling her inner world, ruling her
• 16:10
  inner world. And this is not just special to
• 16:13
  me. Most of my coaching clients when
• 16:15
  we start their inner critic speaking 95 to 100% of the time.
• 16:19
  And they're being guided by that, which is by fear and lack
• 16:24
  and scarcity, rather than where I'm stepping into now, which is
• 16:28
  being guided by my intuition and my heart, my purpose and way
• 16:33
  more. And from a position of like
• 16:35
  trust and not needing to know and not always having the path
• 16:41
  mapped out or the strategy or the plan, but just leaning into
• 16:45
  what feels good. Where does my energy want to go?
• 16:48
  And it really is like this huge recalibration that I've gone
• 16:52
  through from very masculine, strategic, successful corporate
• 16:56
  energy to coaching people into like, understanding how their
• 17:02
  brain is taking charge, but then guiding them back into their
• 17:06
  body somatically so that they can really release the blocks
• 17:12
  that are keeping them stuck. And recalibrate to a new
• 17:15
  identity which is built on like, trust and freedom and joy and
• 17:19
  liberation and all the things that we'd all be like.
• 17:23
  Oh yes, sign me up. Oh wow, that is such an
• 17:27
  incredible story. Thank you so much for sharing
• 17:29
  that. There's so much in there that I
• 17:30
  think is so and I know is so relatable.
• 17:33
  I hear it with clients every day in my work.
• 17:36
  I feel it every day. My inner critic is, is too loud
• 17:41
  for like the type of work that I do, the knowing that I know
• 17:45
  it's, it's too loud. And so you're even making me
• 17:48
  pause to reflect and be like that.
• 17:50
  That hits. If we take it back to that
• 17:53
  moment before you went to Tulum. How did you know?
• 17:56
  I know you said that you kind of said I'm out of ideas.
• 17:59
  What else was happening in your world, like with your kids, with
• 18:02
  your parenting. How else was it showing up as
• 18:04
  that? I, I know people throw around
• 18:06
  the word burnout, but I'm trying to look, I asked this to quite a
• 18:08
  few people who have come on who have shared their burnout and I
• 18:11
  always love knowing just, you know, what are some of the signs
• 18:13
  and symptoms that people could be looking out for?
• 18:15
  Yeah, OK. So, um, one I said before as
• 18:21
  well as like feeling like I had no sense of direction or purpose
• 18:25
  or clarity. So sort of like lost in life,
• 18:30
  um, not wanting, not knowing what you wanted to be when you
• 18:34
  grow up with something. I'd always, but this was, this
• 18:36
  was a way deeper sense of like, no ideas like you used to have
• 18:41
  different, you know, irons in the fire.
• 18:43
  And I was like, I have nothing left waking up exhausted even
• 18:48
  after 8 or 9 hours sleep. And this was after my kids were
• 18:52
  starting to sleep a little bit better, not getting the joy out
• 18:58
  of things that used to light me up.
• 19:00
  So and even I got to the stage where I just felt so overwhelmed
• 19:05
  with things that I'd say no to social things or no to things
• 19:09
  where I could. I'm like extroverted.
• 19:11
  So connection is so important to me and it's one of my 3 core
• 19:15
  values. But I was unconsciously saying
• 19:19
  no to things because I was so stressed and trying to manage
• 19:22
  everything but I actually was not creating space for myself.
• 19:25
  So I wasn't getting that ability to like feel the connection or
• 19:29
  the support from, from others. Um, trying to think if there's
• 19:35
  any others. Some of the one of the things I
• 19:37
  would say is well like in terms of when I said I was out of
• 19:39
  ideas as well, like I had been COVID changed roles internally
• 19:44
  at work. So I'd like moved into a role
• 19:48
  that I pretty much Co created with one of the leaders around
• 19:51
  culture because I was really passionate about it and I was
• 19:54
  making moves in different parts of my life to try and ignite
• 19:59
  this spark again. So I wasn't sitting back in the
• 20:03
  lake. Oh my God, Paul me, what am I
• 20:04
  going to do? Kind of which which I was at
• 20:07
  times, but there I was really trying out different things.
• 20:10
  And that's one thing I would always recommend to people who
• 20:14
  feel like they're in a bit of a holes.
• 20:16
  Like pick one area of your life where you do have.
• 20:18
  An idea of what might interest you or might give you some
• 20:22
  enjoyment or might light you up a bit and see how that goes.
• 20:25
  And so I think that I was doing that at work, and I had done a
• 20:30
  few things outside of work as well, but I felt like I kept
• 20:33
  hitting roadblocks. And I think the roadblocks was
• 20:37
  because I was making choices around who I had been rather
• 20:42
  than who I was stepping into. And when I became a mum, I
• 20:46
  fundamentally changed as a human being.
• 20:48
  And I wasn't able to recognize that until more recently.
• 20:52
  To be honest, even at that time, I was like, I can be your mom
• 20:57
  and I'll be an executive and everything's going to be great.
• 21:01
  Well, it's almost like I hear this so much too, where it's
• 21:04
  these high, I typically work with incredibly high performers,
• 21:09
  high people pleasers, really bad ass women typically in business.
• 21:15
  And then they become a mom and all those tendencies, they've
• 21:18
  been able to mask it, they've been able to kind of hide it.
• 21:21
  They've been able to function through it.
• 21:23
  But then you have these little, these little mouths and these
• 21:26
  little cuties that are running around in your life.
• 21:27
  And then your dependency like your, your partnership with your
• 21:31
  partner becomes even more necessary to be In Sync.
• 21:34
  And just all these things just become so heightened.
• 21:37
  And then all of a sudden you're like, crap.
• 21:38
  I don't have that extra space to kind of just flail about in the
• 21:43
  other areas of my life when I'm just like masking so hard at
• 21:46
  work. And I'm like putting on this
• 21:48
  face and I'm like, OK, I can do this.
• 21:50
  And it's just, and it's maybe it's almost like sometimes
• 21:53
  we're, if you're somebody who planned to have a family, you're
• 21:56
  like, yeah, I can keep doing this, keep doing this because I
• 21:58
  know I wanna have a family. And maybe things will change.
• 22:00
  But no one prepares us for what happens when that change comes,
• 22:04
  when we fundamentally change as humans.
• 22:06
  If you wanted to be a parent, you know that that change,
• 22:09
  you've heard that that change is coming.
• 22:10
  But no one's like, OK, and here's what you do with that.
• 22:14
  And I think that's why you and I are in business because it's
• 22:18
  like, I'm like, who was there for me?
• 22:21
  I have beautiful support systems, but not really in this
• 22:24
  particular way on this particular issue, if you call it
• 22:28
  so when you're talking, when we're talking about your
• 22:30
  healing. I have said on the podcast
• 22:33
  before, and I have a feeling you'll agree with this, but
• 22:37
  fight me on this. Yeah, there's so many people out
• 22:41
  there who use the term like healing and the work.
• 22:47
  And I know that the work is, what's her name, Byron Katie.
• 22:50
  Like there's like a whole, like there's a book called The Work.
• 22:53
  So that's separate. But I've always said that like
• 22:56
  as somebody who's in this space, I feel annoyed on behalf of
• 23:00
  people who aren't in the personal and professional
• 23:02
  development space because they hear all this jargon in these
• 23:05
  words and it feels so other. So I will just say that like
• 23:09
  it's funny when we're we're about to get into it.
• 23:11
  So I want to like, let's break it right down because the work
• 23:15
  that you do is so cool and so important and it's actually work
• 23:18
  that I don't know a lot about internal family systems.
• 23:22
  So first of all, what is your reaction to my beef with like
• 23:25
  this whole like, you know, the work and whatever.
• 23:29
  And then let's get into it. Let's break it all down.
• 23:31
  Like what is this stuff that helped you heal?
• 23:33
  I'm with you on the beef. I think that the personal
• 23:36
  development world is I think it's just too big.
• 23:41
  There's too many players who promise way too much and most of
• 23:45
  it is bullshit. There's two things.
• 23:49
  One is and also around healing. I'm, I'm not a big believer in
• 23:54
  that you can outsource your healing or your so you know, you
• 23:59
  talked about in my intro around like these protective patterns
• 24:03
  that are in your, like in your nervous system that are
• 24:06
  protecting you from things that have happened in the past, which
• 24:08
  means they're stored in your subconscious mind or the your
• 24:11
  body in your cells. And that work you can like pay
• 24:17
  people, particularly spiritual people to like do energetic
• 24:20
  healing and things like that. It is way more effective when
• 24:25
  you do it yourself, like anything.
• 24:27
  So if you can work with a coach or a therapist, you can guide
• 24:31
  you into your body where you are actually releasing yourself that
• 24:35
  it it works so much faster and it's empowering because you did
• 24:41
  it. You didn't just pay someone
• 24:43
  money and get a like voice recording about Oh yeah, I've
• 24:46
  like released your grandma's people pleasing tendency from,
• 24:49
  you know, and this and that. So healing, I believe, or
• 24:54
  letting go of things that are blocking you is best done when
• 24:59
  you can do it. And so but The thing is that we
• 25:02
  all need people to help us get there.
• 25:04
  And so that's where coaches can be really helpful.
• 25:08
  Therapists can too. And I have used both and, and in
• 25:14
  my, I would say the difference if people are interested in
• 25:18
  that, therapists very much focus on what happened in the past.
• 25:22
  In my type of coaching, we definitely go back to the past
• 25:26
  because you're imprints from your childhood or things that
• 25:29
  happened to you in the past are what are causing these
• 25:32
  protective patterns as you today.
• 25:35
  But we go back and resolve them and release them.
• 25:39
  But then is a very strong forward focus of like, so who
• 25:42
  are you stepping into? And this is what we call
• 25:45
  identity recalibration. Like who do you want to be
• 25:50
  rather than being stuck in these patterns of the past?
• 25:53
  Both work. I'm not like I'm I've as I said
• 25:56
  done both but I prefer coaching personally.
• 26:00
  OK, so when you're talking about releasing, I mean, we all have
• 26:04
  that. I think it was such a beautiful
• 26:06
  visual thinking about you into loom with like your heart
• 26:09
  expanding and exploding. I assume that's not what you're
• 26:11
  talking about. Every time that's like a great
• 26:13
  experience that you had. Say somebody is like, this
• 26:16
  sounds really cool. What the fuck does that actually
• 26:18
  mean? Like what does it mean to
• 26:20
  release something? Could you give like a small
• 26:22
  example or use me if you want like you know what is like.
• 26:25
  Yeah sure. What is it?
• 26:26
  How do you release it? Yeah, cool.
• 26:29
  So what happens is we will have things that happen to us when we
• 26:36
  were like a child, for example, a lot of these it's best to go
• 26:40
  back to the original time it happened.
• 26:43
  So say, I'll take up example that most people happen.
• 26:49
  So when you're a kid, you're in an environment and for the first
• 26:52
  you think you're in a bit, you're 4 years old and you at 4.
• 26:59
  Most kids believe that they're enough, that they're loved, that
• 27:03
  they're worthy. All the beautiful things.
• 27:06
  And then you're at something and you over here for the first
• 27:11
  time, maybe an adult or another kid saying things about you that
• 27:17
  makes you for the first time doubt yourself or no longer
• 27:21
  believe that you're enough. I hate this.
• 27:24
  I hate those people. But it happens, right?
• 27:27
  Everyone had a moment where they felt rejected for the first
• 27:31
  time. And so most of us won't remember
• 27:34
  that specific moment. But Al, when we what we felt in
• 27:40
  that moment for the first time, our body went into survival mode
• 27:44
  because there was a social threat of rejection and not
• 27:47
  belonging, which we're primarily wired for, wanting to belong,
• 27:51
  wanting to be loved. And if in that moment you didn't
• 27:56
  have like a mum or dad or a guardian there who saw it and
• 28:00
  caught it and was able to sit with you and help you process
• 28:03
  that feeling, it leaves an imprint in your subconscious
• 28:08
  mind. And your subconscious mind is
• 28:09
  not your awareness space. It's you're unaware of it.
• 28:14
  And so that sits there. And over the years you pick up
• 28:20
  more and more of these because this stuff happens all the time.
• 28:23
  This is why when parents who try and like rub their kids in
• 28:27
  cotton wool and say you're the best no matter what are actually
• 28:30
  not preparing them particularly well for life.
• 28:32
  Because as I say to my kids, like people will say unkind
• 28:36
  things to you throughout your life.
• 28:38
  It's how you choose to respond to them is the most important
• 28:41
  thing, not actually the words that they said to you.
• 28:44
  And so Fast forward to like, you're 35 and you're at work and
• 28:50
  you did this really cool presentation or you've lost
• 28:53
  something in your business and you're like, oh, my God, killing
• 28:56
  it, killing it. And then you overhear someone
• 28:59
  say, Oh my God, like what a stupid offer Andrea has put out,
• 29:04
  as if anyone's going to buy that or someone, you know, trolls you
• 29:07
  on social media or incorporate people are like, oh, she's
• 29:10
  really lost her edge. Wow, is that she or she probably
• 29:15
  didn't sleep much the mum you know yeah these days.
• 29:17
  OK yeah 2 examples cause I know you'll have corporate and
• 29:20
  entrepreneurial lessons listeners.
• 29:22
  So that comment was harsh and would is enough to make you
• 29:28
  upset. Triggered, activated all the
• 29:30
  things. Your body goes into survival
• 29:31
  mode. It also in your system goes
• 29:35
  Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing all the way back to
• 29:37
  your 3 or 4 year old who also heard that for the first time.
• 29:42
  And so these are the imprints or the wounds.
• 29:44
  Everyone uses different words, right?
• 29:46
  That we all have, unfortunately. And our body is constantly
• 29:50
  trying to keep us safe from those instances because we don't
• 29:54
  want to feel that way. We don't want to feel alone and
• 29:57
  overwhelmed and not enough. And so when I take people into a
• 30:03
  somatic coaching experience and I use some internal family
• 30:08
  systems and then I use other methodologies as well, but it's
• 30:11
  very much thematic. We give your brain, you ask, we
• 30:15
  literally tell your brain to take a little break because it's
• 30:17
  not needed. Where this stuff is stored, your
• 30:19
  intellectual mind cannot process.
• 30:23
  And so because if it could, it would have done so already,
• 30:26
  especially if you've done mindset work and personal
• 30:28
  development work. And then we go into like, it's
• 30:31
  like a meditative state where you're guided into your body and
• 30:35
  we will go to a sensation in your body where and it could be
• 30:41
  anywhere. And everyone's always surprised
• 30:44
  because they're like, I don't know if this is gonna work on
• 30:46
  me. And I was the same.
• 30:47
  I was like, oh, my brain won't go offline a day, but your body
• 30:50
  is dying to talk to you. And it has so much wisdom and
• 30:54
  intelligence. It's just that we really give it
• 30:56
  the mic and we're conditioned. Society was very much in their
• 31:00
  head, Western society. So this is like a normal no ones
• 31:04
  like you didn't do anything wrong.
• 31:06
  It's just how we've been programmed as humans.
• 31:08
  But when we go into our body and then we know the sensations in
• 31:12
  our body, we can go and then interact with that sensation.
• 31:18
  We can ask it questions, we can inquire about it.
• 31:21
  And through this process of curiosity and inquiry, different
• 31:25
  things happen for different people.
• 31:27
  But we're able to access either the protective part that's
• 31:31
  coming in there to be like, I don't want my little Andrea to
• 31:34
  get hurt, so I'm going to jump in and take over.
• 31:38
  Whenever something like this happens, we can have a memory
• 31:41
  that pops that was you see yourself at 3:00 and that
• 31:46
  happening, you're like, holy crap, I didn't realize that when
• 31:49
  my auntie said that, that that's this.
• 31:52
  And so there's different ways that the sensation can
• 31:56
  communicate with us. Some people see visuals and
• 31:59
  symbols. Some people feel it in their
• 32:01
  body. Some people will feel the
• 32:03
  emotion. And what we do is we go to that
• 32:06
  whatever's presenting in anyone's body.
• 32:08
  So it's very specific or bespoke to the individual and what's
• 32:11
  coming up for them. And we, because you're in a safe
• 32:16
  nervous system state, it's trauma informed and I'm holding
• 32:19
  your, I'm Co regulating with you.
• 32:21
  So I'm making sure that you stay grounded and don't freak out.
• 32:26
  You're able to go back to that original memory and feel it, and
• 32:31
  when we feel it safely and only an emotion and feeling only
• 32:35
  needs to be felt for 30 to 60 seconds and then it dissolves.
• 32:39
  Wow. And so, yeah.
• 32:43
  And so this is what I do in most of my sessions.
• 32:46
  We go back in, sometimes we'll go in with it.
• 32:49
  Like a few of my clients recently we've gone in with
• 32:52
  bullying, like workplace bullying or in business if
• 32:56
  you've had, you know, like all different kinds of bullying take
• 32:59
  place unfortunately for entrepreneurs and business
• 33:02
  partner going bad and things like that.
• 33:04
  So you can go in with the specific intention around like
• 33:07
  we want to explore what is this protective pattern in my body
• 33:11
  like coming online for to protect me from being hurt and
• 33:14
  bullied. Or you can just go in and be
• 33:16
  like, what's my body ready to share?
• 33:19
  And then what comes up can be a whole variety of things.
• 33:24
  Like I, I never know when we go in what's going to come up.
• 33:28
  And a lot of it is my heart opening in Tulum was a really
• 33:33
  beautiful one. But a lot of the work I do with
• 33:36
  people, it's not, it's when we go down there, it's it's, it's
• 33:41
  really sad and there's a lot of emotion and grief that comes up.
• 33:45
  But because you're in a space where you're being held by a
• 33:50
  coach, someone who's guiding you there, you feel very safe to
• 33:53
  feel it. And then that he is stop.
• 33:57
  And then you come out of it and you can talk about it to
• 34:00
  integrate it so your brain can make sense of what just
• 34:02
  happened, and then it's resolved.
• 34:06
  And what do you do? What does a person do next?
• 34:10
  Once you can resolve, say, the workplace bullying?
• 34:13
  That's a really potent example. And you're like, OK, I feel like
• 34:18
  internally I've been able to hug that bullied.
• 34:23
  Child proud of me. Yeah.
• 34:24
  Yeah. Yeah, whatever is it just, is it
• 34:28
  just one of those mysteries of life that we just have to accept
• 34:31
  that like we're not really sure what the magic is, but you are
• 34:33
  able to move forward and just have it not Rock You as much or
• 34:37
  like what is? The interesting.
• 34:38
  Like like next. Yeah, so you won't.
• 34:41
  Everyone's looks different, like straight away afterwards.
• 34:44
  Some people can be really tired and exhausted because you've had
• 34:47
  this huge, you've been holding onto it for like 40 years.
• 34:51
  Some people feel like high and light and joyful and like whoa.
• 34:57
  So couple of things that happened when we released these,
• 35:00
  these imprints or these wounds, it creates space in our
• 35:04
  emotional and energetic body for new energy to flow.
• 35:09
  So most people are like, Oh my God, I've had the best ideas
• 35:13
  come through. My creativity is like flowing.
• 35:17
  I haven't had creativity in like 612 months since I've been, you
• 35:21
  know, burnt out. So your life force energy rushes
• 35:26
  to that spot and fills it. And so you can be, you can have
• 35:29
  great ideas. You can just be more tolerant
• 35:33
  with your kids. Oh, yeah, that was what?
• 35:36
  Sorry, back early. The question around like my
• 35:38
  noticing of burnout, my fuse with my kids was really low.
• 35:41
  Like I was not able to hold as much of their emotion, like help
• 35:46
  them with their Co regulation because I was just being
• 35:48
  triggered way too much. But yeah, so you can you, you
• 35:52
  have more empowerment so that when you're in a situation and
• 35:57
  somebody might start to speak to you in a certain way, you'll
• 36:02
  definitely, I'm not going to say you're like cured because you'll
• 36:04
  still be like, oh, that was pretty harsh.
• 36:07
  But you won't go into this spiral of like survival mode
• 36:10
  where you shut down and you can't operate and you don't know
• 36:13
  what to say. So if I'm working with someone
• 36:14
  who's a people pleaser and we've already done some coaching
• 36:17
  around boundaries, when someone starts to bully them at work,
• 36:22
  they will be way more empowered because they've brought up their
• 36:26
  capability in terms of people pleasing and release the wounds
• 36:29
  that were keeping them stuck there.
• 36:31
  That they might just say, you know, some feel confident for
• 36:36
  the first time to say something like this is getting a little
• 36:39
  bit too heated. I'm going to step away and take
• 36:42
  a break. I'd really love to reconvene
• 36:43
  when we can both return and have a neutral conversation.
• 36:46
  That's not charged, right. And like people places haven't
• 36:52
  been able to say those words because when you get triggered,
• 36:57
  your brain like cognitively, you go offline.
• 36:59
  So you just the words don't come.
• 37:01
  So you go into fight or flight or freeze or fawn response,
• 37:04
  which is a stress response. And you aren't even able to pull
• 37:08
  on the tools that you might be learning.
• 37:09
  So that's why you do need to work on the nervous system as
• 37:13
  well as building new skills in areas that you might be lacking.
• 37:18
  So like if you knew you grew up in a household where it was good
• 37:20
  girl and good boy and we have good children and all that sort
• 37:23
  of stuff, then it's you are fairly, you should be fairly
• 37:28
  likely that you've got a pleaser part and a tendency to please
• 37:33
  have a struggle saying no overextending yourself.
• 37:37
  And so you need, there's, there's work to release that
• 37:40
  part, but then there's also going to be likely some skill
• 37:43
  building around skills like boundaries that you never had to
• 37:46
  use. I like that.
• 37:48
  OK, I understand. I can see that layered approach.
• 37:50
  So it's like they're releasing what wasn't, you know, what was
• 37:53
  holding you back or bringing you into that triggered state more
• 37:56
  and more and more and very easily.
• 37:58
  We've all experienced those people at work where you're
• 38:00
  like, it's not the e-mail that's the issue.
• 38:03
  There's something else under the hood here that you just haven't
• 38:05
  explored. Like that is.
• 38:07
  So that's such real life. But then it's things like all
• 38:10
  these tools that we start to learn about as we get older and
• 38:12
  the beauty of your 30s and 40s when you're like, oh,
• 38:16
  boundaries, yeah. Like habits, you know, just
• 38:19
  stuff like that. So OK, to clarify, this is
• 38:23
  called somatic work. Like is that the?
• 38:25
  Somatic work, Somatic coaching. Yeah, somatic coaching.
• 38:28
  So if someone's like, OK, great, I'm going to work with Fiona in
• 38:31
  this work, that's what that is. Or if in their own area, they
• 38:34
  want to start to explore this. A lot of counselors are starting
• 38:37
  to dabble in this. Coaches are dabbling in this
• 38:39
  space, kind of bringing in, you'll notice it in your yoga
• 38:42
  classes, like really kind of tuning into that.
• 38:44
  So can you define somatic work like somatic?
• 38:49
  Somatic body. Somatic means in the body.
• 38:52
  OK, and so some people will say body, I also say the
• 38:57
  subconscious mind. So your mind is not just, you
• 39:00
  know, where we think our brain is.
• 39:02
  It's mind, not brain. So you have a conscious part and
• 39:06
  a subconscious part of your mind.
• 39:08
  The conscious part of your mind is what you know and you have
• 39:11
  control over and you have autonomy over.
• 39:14
  The subconscious is like your memories, the stories you, the
• 39:19
  assumptions you hold about the world that you may not be aware
• 39:24
  of because they only come up when you hit up against someone
• 39:28
  else who's got a different view of the world.
• 39:31
  It could be unspoken truth. There's a whole lot of stuff
• 39:34
  that's in your subconscious. And we know that we that we are,
• 39:38
  we don't actually use our subconscious part of our mind.
• 39:41
  And it's, it's, it's a way bigger real estate in, in our
• 39:44
  whole like makeup. It's about 90 and 95% of us.
• 39:48
  So and so that's why there is this really is a evolutionary
• 39:55
  place where a lot of coaches and therapists are exploring this
• 39:59
  because it's where the root cause of all your blocks and all
• 40:03
  your triggers and all your heartache and all the things
• 40:07
  that you are not happy about in your life and yourself.
• 40:10
  They're all in your subconscious mind.
• 40:12
  And, and that means in your body, depending on where you
• 40:14
  want to, how you want to turn it.
• 40:16
  And they're not in your conscious mind.
• 40:18
  And if you have been in talk based therapy for years and
• 40:22
  you've talked and talked and talked and talked and thought.
• 40:25
  And thought and thought it might be a good idea to try some
• 40:28
  somatic based work because it just takes a different approach.
• 40:32
  And as I said before, our body is so wise and our bodies
• 40:36
  intelligence is such a hugely untapped resource.
• 40:41
  And when we give it the mic, it is absolutely astounding what it
• 40:46
  has to share with us. And it's even more astounding
• 40:49
  and, and almost magical at how quickly we can release things
• 40:53
  that we thought we had to just live with for the rest of our
• 40:55
  lives. And when we undo these blocks
• 40:59
  and these imprints, we're undoing not only just things
• 41:03
  that hurt us in the past or overwhelming memories, we're
• 41:07
  also undoing the programming or conditioning that has occurred
• 41:11
  to us over the years as well. Like the good girl or
• 41:15
  incorporate so different things that happen in your childhood
• 41:18
  around who you should be and how you should show up in the world.
• 41:21
  Because we were all put on this earth with an our own purpose.
• 41:26
  And then lots of conditioning happens and this work, this
• 41:30
  thematic work helps you undo the conditioning so you can really
• 41:34
  come home to your own purpose and who you want to be.
• 41:37
  And when you start living from that place, from a place of like
• 41:42
  purpose and self trust, it's the most freeing and liberating
• 41:47
  thing you can ever do. What do you tell the person who
• 41:51
  says, I'm still looking for my singular purpose?
• 41:56
  And they're really thinking of it as if it's like this treasure
• 41:59
  in a, in a beach that they're like, OK, what is where is my
• 42:03
  purpose? I can't find it.
• 42:04
  And they're digging in. They're digging and they're
• 42:06
  there's so much turmoil and it's you can just see how hard it is
• 42:10
  for them. What are?
• 42:12
  What is your take on defining? What purpose is?
• 42:17
  OK, so I've got two parts answer.
• 42:20
  The first part is if you think about you as a little perfect
• 42:23
  baby who is born with a purpose, and then these comments like
• 42:28
  you're not good enough, you're not loved, you failed, you
• 42:30
  rejected. They're creating all these
• 42:32
  Shields or veils or armour. Renee Brown's work, body of
• 42:37
  work, all these Shields, veiled armour around you to protect you
• 42:41
  from those comments which hurt you when you hurt them.
• 42:45
  You need to do the work to peel back those layers in order to
• 42:51
  get back to your purpose. Your purpose isn't missing your
• 42:55
  you've just, you've just lost yourself from it.
• 42:58
  But I believe that it's a remembrance.
• 43:00
  It's truly in you. It's about pulling back the
• 43:03
  layers that are blocking you from remembering who you are and
• 43:07
  why you were put on this earth. If you would like to like
• 43:12
  explore a few ideas to see like does it stick or not?
• 43:16
  A really good way is looking at, and this is not my model at all.
• 43:21
  I heard Jay Shetty share it on a podcast, but he talked about
• 43:25
  think about things that you're truly passionate about that you
• 43:29
  love to do. And if you can convert that into
• 43:34
  a way in that it serves others. So it's not just about making
• 43:38
  you feel good and lighting you up, it's it switches into
• 43:41
  service of others. Then that switch from switches
• 43:44
  from something that you're passionate about to something
• 43:47
  that is part of your purpose because you're able to take a
• 43:50
  passion and use it to help or serve or empower others.
• 43:55
  I like that a lot. So I'm kind of hearing the I
• 43:58
  love the remembering. I I'm going to be honest, I
• 44:01
  think I got that from TikTok, which is so crazy that TikTok is
• 44:05
  like my continuing education. But no, I do, I do my own
• 44:08
  continuing education, but truly there is just really interesting
• 44:12
  psych talk or whatever it is out there.
• 44:14
  And that that whole notion of remembering that everything is
• 44:17
  already within you, it's layering and intuition and all
• 44:20
  that. I think it's just so beautiful.
• 44:22
  And then it's this, the purpose is something I like to think of
• 44:26
  it as like something bigger than yourself is kind of what I'm
• 44:28
  hearing from you. It's yes, that's what's the
• 44:30
  stuff that lights you up that makes you super excited.
• 44:33
  And I think when people are looking for their purpose, what
• 44:36
  I've noticed too is they're looking for this needle in a
• 44:40
  haystack when it's like, no, what's your haystack?
• 44:44
  Like, it doesn't have to be this very specific.
• 44:46
  Someone's like, OK, am I supposed to pick a thing?
• 44:48
  Is it supposed to be animal rights?
• 44:50
  Am I supposed to like, OK, I love animals.
• 44:52
  So like, that's my purpose. It's like, no, I you have a
• 44:55
  care. Like, you have a deep passion
• 44:57
  for like the equality of all living beings or something.
• 44:59
  Like that's a bigger version of the thing that you love.
• 45:02
  Like, I love musical theatre, OK?
• 45:04
  I love the expression of creativity and you know, maybe
• 45:09
  somebody's purpose around that could be like, I facilitate the
• 45:13
  experiences of creativity. And also I don't know that
• 45:16
  people need to get so hung up on the words.
• 45:18
  I am a big stickler for that. If somebody is telling you, you
• 45:22
  have to come up with a value set, three to five values that
• 45:25
  you need to remember, a purpose statement that you need to
• 45:28
  remember, and that's the only way you can live a beautiful
• 45:30
  life. I call BS on that personally
• 45:33
  because not everybody that is speaking from the cognitive, oh,
• 45:38
  now I'm getting on my soapbox, but that comes from that.
• 45:41
  Like when you're talking about that prefrontal cortex, very
• 45:44
  thinking, very corporate bro mind.
• 45:47
  It's like it's for somebody to like put things into words like
• 45:51
  I'm having a hard time doing right now is like, yeah, that's
• 45:54
  too literal. But you can fill your purpose
• 45:58
  and not know how to articulate it, but be like, OK, I know who
• 46:01
  I am. I'm remembering who I am.
• 46:04
  I'm remembering what what I believe, what is important to
• 46:07
  me, who like my guiding lights. Yeah, whatever.
• 46:12
  And and I don't have words for it.
• 46:14
  And I also think that's OK. And we're getting to this is
• 46:18
  another piece of shit that we're adding to the To Do List that
• 46:21
  were like, oh God, and now I don't have a purpose, you know,
• 46:24
  got to get the groceries. I got to do this and haven't
• 46:26
  found my purpose yet. It's like, Oh yeah, that is just
• 46:30
  a lot. Well, and also you're not going
• 46:35
  to find it cognitively because it's in your depending on what
• 46:39
  you believe in, it's in your soul, it's in your heart, it's
• 46:43
  not in it's not in your brain. No, newsflash, your purpose is
• 46:47
  not in your brain. It's heart lead.
• 46:50
  So do something either yoga or dance or anything Tigon.
• 46:58
  I know a lot of guys doing Qigong now, like do something
• 47:01
  that tells your brain have a little break.
• 47:05
  Let my body lead. And I'm not anti values.
• 47:09
  I think they're great anchor points, but I call them your
• 47:12
  like heart lead, internal GPS. So how do you feel?
• 47:18
  So I've got a, as I said before, a value around connection and
• 47:24
  it's more about how do I want to feel when I'm connected.
• 47:29
  It's not words on a page, it's not thoughts, it's all around
• 47:33
  the feeling and the embodiment of what connection feels like
• 47:37
  and is an extra lived experience from an emotional point of view
• 47:41
  for me. And the same with purpose.
• 47:45
  When you do something that is in purpose, you will know.
• 47:49
  It's so true and that could be a beautiful dinner out with your
• 47:53
  partner. Yes, it's not doesn't need to be
• 47:56
  work as well. The wheels all the time, yes.
• 47:59
  Why is it always saving the whales?
• 48:01
  I love saving the whales, but like people are are taking on
• 48:05
  quite literally the weight of the world and thinking, OK, I
• 48:09
  have to raise. I am choosing and so excited and
• 48:12
  honored to be raising these humans and I need to be taking
• 48:16
  on the weight of the entire world as well because that's the
• 48:18
  only purpose that's worth living.
• 48:21
  And I don't know, I'm just like this is bringing up like I feel
• 48:25
  like I'm like speaking on behalf of like the tired parents out
• 48:28
  there, you know, and I know you're agreeing with it.
• 48:29
  It's like, yeah, rest like you arrested version of you.
• 48:33
  From what I'm hearing from you, Fiona is like the rested parent.
• 48:38
  The parent who is coming home to themselves is that collection of
• 48:43
  parents is like that. Who is it?
• 48:46
  It's not Margaret Meade, the quote that's like, you know,
• 48:50
  never underestimate like what a small, like small mighty group
• 48:53
  of people can do because like those are the only people who
• 48:56
  have ever changed the world. I'm paraphrasing, but like that
• 49:00
  is so it's so true. And like this like small group
• 49:02
  of rusted parents who are raising wonderful little humans
• 49:05
  because they're feeling more present.
• 49:07
  Like isn't that what we're all after?
• 49:09
  And isn't that? Aren't those the people who are
• 49:11
  changing the world? One little human a time.
• 49:14
  Yeah. I mean, I, I think so because
• 49:18
  when like I say it with my clients, someone who I just
• 49:21
  wrapped a coaching container up with last week when they began
• 49:27
  and this was only 4 1/2 months ago.
• 49:28
  That's why this like work totally blows my mind and how
• 49:31
  quickly it really works. They were talking about being in
• 49:35
  this fog and in this puddle, drowning in a puddle, and they
• 49:38
  felt disconnected from their kids and their partner.
• 49:42
  And they had changed jobs similar to like I had.
• 49:44
  And it had, it was working out, but they were still pleasing in
• 49:47
  this new environment. And it was just super high
• 49:50
  achiever by the way, as well. Super duper high achiever.
• 49:54
  But then quietly so stuck in self doubt and pressure on
• 49:58
  themselves and trying to hold it all the other half, the kids,
• 50:03
  the job, the aging parents, the whole shebang.
• 50:05
  Which is very relatable. And in their last session, some
• 50:12
  of the things, and this is the stuff that I love.
• 50:14
  This is like the tangible stuff that they said was celebrating
• 50:19
  in themselves was that because they'd release these blocks.
• 50:22
  And as you know, I said it creates space so ideas flow in.
• 50:25
  They were like, Oh my God, last night when I when I was putting
• 50:28
  my kids to bed, I had a, I had a novel idea to write a novel.
• 50:33
  I've always dreamed of writing a book.
• 50:35
  I had characters through lines, maybe a sequel.
• 50:39
  The whole book dropped in and they were like.
• 50:42
  Way. And then they and I was like,
• 50:45
  OK, well, like, off you go. Start writing.
• 50:49
  They said they were, you know, little things like they said
• 50:52
  they, like, went out for dinner with their friends and like in
• 50:56
  the past, so stressed in the kids, OK at home.
• 50:58
  And if they got food and they're gonna go to bed on time and if
• 51:00
  I've gotta get home and log on for work.
• 51:02
  And they started these dinner and they looked around at their
• 51:04
  friends and they were like, I'm so grateful for these humans in
• 51:08
  my life and for this moment. Like, it sounds a little wacky,
• 51:11
  but I'm like, no, that's where it's at.
• 51:13
  It's these little moments where we're like, yes, it's busy, life
• 51:17
  is a lot. But in this moment with my 6
• 51:20
  closest friends, this is where it's at.
• 51:23
  This connection, this love, this conversation, and then the other
• 51:28
  little one, which I related to as well, was they were like, I'm
• 51:35
  remembering I'm having the time when I think of a friend, I'm
• 51:39
  having the time to actually message or call them and let
• 51:42
  them know I'm thinking of them because they used to have all
• 51:46
  these thoughts and be wanting to be that friend who's letting
• 51:50
  them know you're thinking of them cause you know, they're
• 51:51
  having a hard time. But so caught up in work life,
• 51:55
  kids, everything and your own mental noise and your own mental
• 52:00
  mess that you didn't have the time to write the message.
• 52:03
  And then when you realize later then you, you're in a critic
• 52:07
  comes line and you talk to yourself in a horrible way
• 52:10
  because you're not showing up as a person.
• 52:12
  You want it to be the friend you want it to be, the mum you want
• 52:14
  it to be the colleague you want it to be.
• 52:16
  And so you are so, so harsh on yourself.
• 52:19
  But they were like, no, I'm remembering those messages.
• 52:22
  And even when I did forget someone's birthday was like, oh,
• 52:24
  well, they'll be cool about it. Just like, you know, so it's
• 52:27
  like these big patterns released, but then there's these
• 52:30
  nuances in how all these little older small things add up to be
• 52:34
  really big changes and changes in who you are and how you show
• 52:39
  up in your world and who your new identity is.
• 52:43
  Are you like, can you see into my soul right now?
• 52:46
  Is that what's happening? Are you semi reading or reading
• 52:49
  you intuitively? Yeah, I knew this is gonna
• 52:53
  happen. I knew you were going to call
• 52:54
  out, like, all the things within me, I'm very open on this.
• 52:59
  Like, yeah, my inner critic is probably, if you were to ask my
• 53:02
  husband, like, the biggest issue I have, I don't know how to
• 53:06
  phrase that better. He would.
• 53:07
  Say greatest opportunity. Yeah, you're growing edge.
• 53:10
  Greatest opportunity is 1000% my inner critic and how hard I am
• 53:18
  on myself. I'm like, I didn't I wasn't even
• 53:21
  raised that way. I had parents who were like, did
• 53:23
  you try your best? Like that's all we can ask.
• 53:25
  Like it it is the weirdest. I mean, there's a lot to unpack
• 53:27
  there of like, yeah, did this come from?
• 53:30
  But it's like it is. So it's incredible.
• 53:33
  It's incredible that we can have these, you know, opportunities
• 53:37
  within us. And then you become a parent and
• 53:39
  it's like a magnifying glass with like the sun.
• 53:42
  And you're like creating the like there's like a bushfire all
• 53:45
  of a sudden because you're like, Oh my God, this just got
• 53:48
  actually magnified and has now created a forest fire.
• 53:52
  And it is just, it's, it's wild, but it's so, so cool.
• 53:57
  And I could totally see how these transformations can happen
• 53:59
  with people just taking a second to stop thinking like the amount
• 54:04
  of thinking, the consumption actually wrote that in my
• 54:07
  journal for this week, my like diary or whatever it's called,
• 54:10
  my day planner started a new day planner transformative.
• 54:14
  And I wrote, it was like, it was like there's like little section
• 54:16
  for intentions. And I actually wrote like
• 54:19
  consume less, do less, like just just less, like less, like the
• 54:25
  word. And I could totally see how
• 54:27
  this, you know, these little, I don't know, it's like this
• 54:31
  combination of things like this type of work with Someone Like
• 54:33
  You, then the like combination of all the stuff that we are
• 54:37
  learning through our like woke nature is like great, layer that
• 54:41
  on and then like, you know, pile all these things together to
• 54:44
  create intentions and then go out and actually do something.
• 54:47
  So on that note, going out just just doing something about this,
• 54:51
  not that we're adding to the To Do List, but someone's
• 54:53
  listening, they're feeling inspired.
• 54:55
  They're like, yes, yes, Fiona, yes.
• 54:57
  Apart from working with you or a practitioner like yourself, I
• 55:01
  know you're big on, like you have the tools.
• 55:03
  What could someone do today, tonight to create just, you
• 55:09
  know, create a bit of this rest like this beautiful magic that
• 55:12
  you're talking about? I think the one thing that I had
• 55:17
  to learn to do, and it's still not like, as I said, I'm not
• 55:20
  like I'm a work in progress, is understanding the power of
• 55:26
  creating space in your life, especially if you're a parent
• 55:31
  listening. And I think most of your
• 55:33
  audience is because before you had kids, you had huge chunks in
• 55:39
  the evenings. If you didn't work in the
• 55:41
  evenings, you had chunks in the evenings and on the weekends
• 55:44
  where you could do nothing. And then once you're a parent,
• 55:50
  those spaces, those points in the day and on the weekend
• 55:55
  actually become even more important because that's when
• 55:57
  you're with the people you care the most about.
• 56:00
  So you need to be really intentional about creating
• 56:04
  spaces where you're not working or parenting because we have
• 56:11
  time for yourself. And I would encourage you in
• 56:14
  those spaces. Go and do something where you
• 56:17
  can get in your body and try and remember what it's like to be in
• 56:21
  your body. So it might be dancing or yoga,
• 56:25
  even swimming. And if you're a high performer
• 56:31
  like you and I, be aware of the intention you set when you go to
• 56:37
  do this activity and take time for yourself.
• 56:39
  This intention is around creating space, around giving my
• 56:45
  brain a break, around tuning in with my body and letting it
• 56:49
  speak to me however it wants to speak and share.
• 56:52
  And if nothing comes up, knowing that that is actually perfect,
• 56:55
  that you gave it the chance and not having a goal attached to
• 57:01
  it. So you don't measure it.
• 57:05
  Yeah, you measure it in how you feel and how connected you feel
• 57:09
  back to yourself because you're trying to reconnect your mind to
• 57:14
  your body and your heart and create intimacy with yourself
• 57:17
  again. Because you most people lose it
• 57:21
  to a degree when they become apparent because they're just
• 57:24
  too overloaded and they forget what it's like.
• 57:28
  That's beautiful, creating that intimacy with yourself so you're
• 57:30
  not trying to compete with the woman in yoga beside you who's
• 57:34
  got a better wild thing. Yeah, and don't chase someone
• 57:38
  down on your road bike to get in front, just be enjoying the
• 57:43
  ride. Just go for it, OK?
• 57:45
  Wow, Fiona, this has been incredible.
• 57:48
  I asked this to everybody. What is something that you were
• 57:51
  still trying to figure out? Oh God, so much.
• 57:55
  And they always starts that way. It's always like oh God I need
• 58:00
  to do a compilation of like the responses the first second after
• 58:03
  that question. OK, sorry.
• 58:06
  Something has come up just this weekend, so it's really relevant
• 58:12
  is around and this is I think will be people will be able to
• 58:18
  feel and see themselves in this is the importance if you're a
• 58:21
  empath and a big space holder for your children is that in the
• 58:26
  moment when they have a massive meltdown.
• 58:29
  So I had one of my kids go to get a, a shot at the doctors and
• 58:33
  like not just resist, I mean, kicking, punching, it was and
• 58:38
  what sort of it's my child that I would have prepared, but they
• 58:41
  were like, I'm actually, OK, I know what's happening mum, you
• 58:44
  don't need to do that this time because we're getting to that
• 58:46
  age where they understand the process.
• 58:48
  And so the coaching didn't need to take place.
• 58:50
  But in the moment they completely freaked out.
• 58:53
  And so it was it was a lot on my nervous system and my I was in
• 58:58
  that survival mode myself, but I was coaching shot got done.
• 59:03
  But the piece that I'm still working on is that when I go
• 59:08
  into survival mode to hold them or I go into a role in order to
• 59:12
  hold space for my child, I need to remember that my human and my
• 59:17
  heart needs time to process what happened as well.
• 59:22
  So after the fact, making sure you talk to your other half
• 59:26
  about it or you journal or you do something or you go have a
• 59:29
  either like if it's rage based, go punch a punching bag or go
• 59:33
  have a massive cry put on wicked and like the song that makes you
• 59:37
  cry. But like make sure you look
• 59:40
  after you're human and you care for the part of you that
• 59:45
  struggled in that moment too. Because sometimes we do need to
• 59:49
  self abandon in the moment to be able to support our kids.
• 59:52
  Free stuff. Yeah.
• 59:53
  But the reparenting is that you know you've gotta come back and
• 59:56
  also give yourself that love and support and allow yourself to
• 1:00:01
  process that hard time that you went through as well.
• 1:00:05
  Such a good thing to remember. And where can everybody find
• 1:00:08
  you? I'm sure they've fallen in love
• 1:00:10
  with you. They want to know more about
• 1:00:12
  what this work is. So where can they find you?
• 1:00:15
  So they can find me on Instagram at Fiona Walsh coaching.
• 1:00:20
  I'm on LinkedIn as well, just under Fiona Walsh.
• 1:00:23
  And my podcast is called Limitless, Unlocking your true
• 1:00:28
  potential. If you'd like to tune in, we'll
• 1:00:30
  put a link in the show notes. But I bring on every two weeks,
• 1:00:34
  I bring on people just like you. And we hear these raw,
• 1:00:38
  vulnerable, untold stories of like what you're going through.
• 1:00:43
  Maybe a rock bottom moment is usually where we start with
• 1:00:46
  Andrea, started on hers and we unravel what happened.
• 1:00:50
  What were some of the stories that came up?
• 1:00:51
  What were some of the patterns? So you sort of get to hear other
• 1:00:55
  people in their real life. And, and the coolest thing
• 1:01:00
  that's happened from my podcast is the feedback.
• 1:01:02
  The people are like, Oh my God, I saw a part of me got validated
• 1:01:07
  or a part of me felt loved because I saw myself in Andrea's
• 1:01:11
  story for Laces story. And so yeah, it's a really cool
• 1:01:16
  forum. I love podcasting just like you
• 1:01:18
  do. So yes, that's they're the best
• 1:01:21
  ways to to get in contact with me and hear more about my work.
• 1:01:24
  Wonderful and you're so good at it and it is such a cool format
• 1:01:28
  that you've created. And I know that I would have
• 1:01:31
  loved when I was at in the rock bottom moment that I described,
• 1:01:34
  which I've shared on this podcast about my husband's
• 1:01:36
  health journey and then subsequently becoming parents in
• 1:01:39
  the middle of all that. Yes, it's the it's the story is
• 1:01:43
  about survival and getting through it and coming out the
• 1:01:46
  other side and hearing what that person would have told themself
• 1:01:50
  or like how they would have hugged themselves in the moment.
• 1:01:52
  I would have, I would have loved to have listened to limitless
• 1:01:56
  back then like five years ago because I was like, I don't
• 1:01:59
  know, Nobody I know has gone through this particular.
• 1:02:02
  Everyone goes through shit. No one's gone through this like
• 1:02:04
  something kind of similar to this.
• 1:02:06
  I just felt very alone. And so I think it's such a
• 1:02:09
  beautiful. And it's not that it's your
• 1:02:10
  podcast is not doom and gloom, but it's like, OK, I this all
• 1:02:14
  this crazy shit happened to me. This was the moment where I was
• 1:02:17
  like, things need to change. And it's a stories about how
• 1:02:20
  people did that, which I think is really beautiful and.
• 1:02:23
  It's going to shake the world, I think as well.
• 1:02:26
  We don't like as much as I'm a really optimistic person and
• 1:02:30
  limitless as all about possibility and potential, I I
• 1:02:34
  do believe that we go through struggles and learnings and
• 1:02:38
  hardship in life in order to unlock who we truly are and and
• 1:02:43
  our potential. Because in those moments we
• 1:02:46
  really prove to ourselves what we're made of.
• 1:02:49
  And most people surprise themselves once they're over the
• 1:02:52
  other side. So, um, yeah, I truly believe
• 1:02:55
  that we're like a sum of all of our parts.
• 1:02:58
  It's not just the Gold Star parts, it's all of us.
• 1:03:03
  It's not all the high achieving moments.
• 1:03:04
  Well, thank you Diana. You're amazing.
• 1:03:06
  I appreciate you so much. Thank you, It's been a beautiful
• 1:03:09
  conversation.