Latest / Questionable Detour / Convincing people that they murdered someone, selling dead animals, and becoming a crawfish president

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Convincing people that they murdered someone, selling dead animals, and becoming a crawfish president · Questionable Detour

• 0:00
  Excuse me, what is going on here?
• 0:04
  But first we're gonna make a little detour.
• 0:09
  So absurd, so questionable.
• 0:12
  Yeah, I guess we're just the weirdos.
• 0:15
  Expect the detour.
• 0:17
  First of all, here at Questionable Detour, we respect...
• 0:33
  Couldn't even get to this sentence.
• 0:35
  Oh goodness.
• 0:37
  Here at Questionable Detour, we respect women.
• 0:40
  It's been our motto since day one.
• 0:44
  And if you were in the studio right now, right above us is a banner that says women,
• 0:50
  and just a thumbs up emoji right next to it.
• 0:53
  We love women, and we love women so much that we're all married to women.
• 0:58
  Surprisingly.
• 1:02
  Guys, how do y'all respect women now that y'all own a couple?
• 1:08
  I think it's clear that between the two of us, we own a couple.
• 1:11
  We don't each own a couple of women.
• 1:15
  Yeah, collectively.
• 1:16
  Tomorrow, at the time of this recording, is National Women's Day.
• 1:21
  So we want to give a little special shout out to our special women.
• 1:25
  So guys, what do y'all do for women to respect them?
• 1:28
  The thing about women...
• 1:33
  Oh no.
• 1:34
  That's never a good way to start.
• 1:35
  How many guys' podcasts start out like that?
• 1:38
  The thing about women's history is women are all standing on the shoulders of those that came before them.
• 1:44
  In like a weird cheerleader pyramid situation?
• 1:47
  Yeah, but what's even better is that women have learned to disguise themselves as women.
• 1:54
  So their greatest historical leaders, Susan B. Anthony.
• 1:59
  She really do be Anthony.
• 2:01
  That's a man.
• 2:02
  That's a man.
• 2:06
  It was all in front of us.
• 2:09
  Wait a minute.
• 2:10
  So you're saying your conspiracy is that all the great women of history were just men?
• 2:15
  I'm saying...
• 2:18
  Somebody had to do it.
• 2:21
  Have you guys ever gone and, I don't know, done a sport or an activity that you were better at
• 2:28
  than your wife?
• 2:29
  But you didn't want to have a terrible time, so you kind of had to play it.
• 2:33
  You let her win.
• 2:34
  Yeah.
• 2:35
  That's kind of what we've done through history.
• 2:38
  That's what happened in the 60s.
• 2:40
  That's kind of what happened.
• 2:42
  When we were like, yeah, y'all can vote, I guess.
• 2:46
  We were like, let's just let them have...
• 2:48
  Let's let them win this one.
• 2:49
  You know, they seem a little beat down right now.
• 2:53
  So let's let them win this one.
• 2:55
  In history, you've had to move up the mound.
• 2:58
  You know, you had...
• 3:00
  You had to hit from the red tees.
• 3:01
  You had...
• 3:04
  You know, what better way to celebrate International Women's Day by celebrating men?
• 3:14
  Evan, you always have such a great perspective of really just bringing the things back around,
• 3:19
  keeping us grounded.
• 3:20
  I just want to respect women by telling them the truth.
• 3:25
  By respecting men.
• 3:26
  Honesty.
• 3:26
  Honesty.
• 3:27
  So who are some of the other great quote unquote women who have actually really been men in history?
• 3:34
  I'm thinking Harriet Tubman.
• 3:38
  Also one of those.
• 3:40
  This is kind of like a Da Vinci Code national treasure situation where all the evidence
• 3:45
  and signs are just in plain view, but you know, the ones smart enough to see them are going to see them.
• 3:50
  Exactly.
• 3:51
  Another one who made the flag bet C. Ross. Ross is a man's name.
• 3:58
  Ross is? Sure.
• 4:00
  Really? This is groundbreaking.
• 4:02
  Get Joe Rogan in here.
• 4:03
  I bet he would love to talk about these conspiracies.
• 4:06
  Yeah, I'm glad you brought this to the world's attention.
• 4:10
  Yeah, me too.
• 4:13
  The one woman in history that I will say was definitely a woman was Martha Washington.
• 4:18
  Okay, because Martha did be washing a ton because she was a woman.
• 4:27
  I regret this whole thing.
• 4:31
  Oh man.
• 4:32
  Wow.
• 4:33
  Happy International Women's Day, man.
• 4:42
  Well, here's what I do to observe International Women's Day.
• 4:46
  And by that, I mean, I literally observe women from afar in bushes at night with binoculars.
• 4:55
  I want to observe them.
• 4:57
  They're in their national habitat to learn how I can respect them better.
• 5:02
  So yes, I will hide in their trunk as they move about the town.
• 5:07
  I will be in crawl spaces at their place of employment and in their house.
• 5:13
  I will sit right behind them on public transportation and mouth breathe.
• 5:19
  Just because I respect women so much, I'm going to be right there.
• 5:24
  Do you scurry a lot?
• 5:25
  I scurry.
• 5:26
  I thought you might.
• 5:27
  But it's weird because scurrying implies that I'm quick and silent,
• 5:31
  but between my mouth breathing and the flip flops that I wear.
• 5:36
  And the constant Cheeto bags you're dropping, stepping on.
• 5:39
  It's hard to scurry, but I do scurry.
• 5:42
  So flip flops, baseball cap, sunglasses.
• 5:46
  Oh, what else you got going on?
• 5:48
  Like not the good looking sunglasses.
• 5:50
  The really thick Oakley sunglasses.
• 5:52
  Like T-Pain in 2009 Oakley sunglasses.
• 5:56
  Basically safety glasses.
• 5:58
  Yeah.
• 5:59
  And when I said baseball cap, I meant little circus hat that has the little spinning top on top.
• 6:04
  Absolutely.
• 6:06
  It makes me seem funny.
• 6:07
  It makes me seem fast.
• 6:10
  Right.
• 6:10
  Women love a guy that has many utilities.
• 6:14
  Really helps you blend in to your surroundings.
• 6:16
  You've got just a plain white Hanes tee tucked into your probably,
• 6:20
  I'm going to say cargo shorts.
• 6:22
  Yeah.
• 6:22
  Cargo shorts, like 17 inch inseam.
• 6:25
  Like they're at my shins.
• 6:28
  How many pockets those things got?
• 6:30
  They have four pockets and all, but the pockets on the legs.
• 6:34
  I mean, those are, it might as well be a Walmart grocery bag.
• 6:37
  What's the square footage on those bad boys?
• 6:39
  It would cost you $1,200 a month to rent it in New York City.
• 6:44
  You could fit a family of three.
• 6:46
  And it has the same amount of rats as New York.
• 6:49
  It has the same amount of rats as New York.
• 6:53
  And we like to say it could fit a family in New York, but it could also fit a woman.
• 6:58
  Respectfully.
• 6:59
  Women can both rent and own property this day and age.
• 7:03
  And we don't want to gloss over that.
• 7:06
  So yeah, you can rent our own property, dare I say, in my shorts.
• 7:13
  And your shirt says that.
• 7:16
  Your shirt.
• 7:17
  White Hanes.
• 7:17
  So it's just a sharpie across.
• 7:19
  Yeah.
• 7:19
  It says women can rent me.
• 7:21
  Oh yeah.
• 7:23
  It's just a step above the FBI female body inspector that you see the very classy guys wear.
• 7:30
  They usually have like a gut and like a monster energy drink tattoo on their calf.
• 7:35
  And also the same Oakleys that you're wearing.
• 7:38
  The same Oakley, yeah.
• 7:39
  Yeah, yeah.
• 7:40
  I have a specific view on this.
• 7:41
  There's some overlap there.
• 7:44
  But my point is to observe International Women's Day, you have to observe women.
• 7:49
  And I do exactly that.
• 7:51
  Respectfully.
• 7:51
  From a distance, from not so much a distance, but observation.
• 7:55
  I bet the women feel so respected.
• 7:56
  I bet the women feel so respected when they listen to this episode.
• 7:59
  I bet they do.
• 8:00
  You're welcome, women.
• 8:02
  Thank you and you're welcome, women.
• 8:03
  Thank you to men.
• 8:07
  We know most of our listeners, I would say 99%.
• 8:11
  99% men.
• 8:12
  So this episode is really for you guys.
• 8:16
  Oh, but happy International Women's Day from Questionable Detour.
• 8:21
  Let's do hypotheticals.
• 8:24
  Susan B. Anthony.
• 8:26
  Dave, can I pose a somewhat abstract, purely hypothetical question?
• 8:32
  I guess I want to apologize for asking a hypothetical question.
• 8:35
  Well, that's a hypothetical question.
• 8:38
  So as life progresses, everybody kind of moves away, gets jobs, grows into who they are as an adult.
• 8:45
  But there is a situation in our world where you have to go relive your past,
• 8:51
  and that's high school reunions.
• 8:52
  And we're a few years outside of our high school graduation day.
• 8:57
  And I was wondering what would y'all do when y'all go back for your high school reunion?
• 9:03
  The thing with high school reunions is it's been 10, 15, 20, whatever year mark you're at,
• 9:10
  whenever you go to this reunion.
• 9:11
  And people from high school that knew you back then, if you're going to a reunion with them,
• 9:16
  you probably still don't talk to them.
• 9:18
  No.
• 9:19
  Because you would just actually go hang out with them if you wanted to.
• 9:23
  So they don't want to see what you've become or whatever else.
• 9:28
  They just want to be able to gloat over you of what they've become.
• 9:33
  So that's why I just ditch the whole thing entirely and become a whole other person.
• 9:40
  Absolutely.
• 9:41
  Someone-
• 9:41
  Lied to them.
• 9:42
  Exactly.
• 9:43
  And that's not because I'm ashamed of who I am or what I've become.
• 9:47
  Feel that because of your over-bubbled insecurities.
• 9:52
  Right.
• 9:52
  That's because I want to make them feel bad.
• 9:57
  Maybe I'm a billionaire now, a tycoon of the railroads.
• 10:03
  A lot of those floating around these days.
• 10:05
  Like in the 1800s.
• 10:07
  Yeah.
• 10:08
  And I'm just there in a top hat and a suit.
• 10:13
  They're going to be like, I don't remember that person and I feel bad
• 10:16
  because I want to know him now because he has a lot of money.
• 10:19
  Do you walk in with like a pocket watch and then you're all,
• 10:22
  you always seem kind of busy when you're talking to him.
• 10:24
  You're always looking at it.
• 10:25
  Yeah.
• 10:26
  I'm always looking at my pocket watch with my monocle on.
• 10:29
  We're headed west.
• 10:32
  What's the difference between you and the monopoly man?
• 10:36
  That's how he got this whole persona is he was going to his high school reunion
• 10:40
  being very insecure, very nervous.
• 10:44
  And he had a game of monopoly in his car because that's the only thing he owns.
• 10:47
  That's where he got the railroad idea.
• 10:49
  Yeah.
• 10:49
  Yeah.
• 10:49
  That's he was like, oh, I could be the monopoly man.
• 10:52
  Yeah.
• 10:53
  You found me out.
• 10:53
  I do idolize the monopoly man.
• 10:56
  Yeah.
• 10:56
  He has a great gang going on.
• 10:58
  So I do keep talking about heading west to strike gold in Denver.
• 11:04
  I do keep talking about how the Indians are getting in our way.
• 11:07
  Sure.
• 11:07
  And I keep hiring the Chinese to build my railroad.
• 11:10
  Yeah.
• 11:10
  A lot of racist things that I didn't know. I didn't know were racist when I said them.
• 11:15
  That was all from the game monopoly.
• 11:18
  You really get into character, don't you?
• 11:20
  Yeah.
• 11:21
  You walk in there trying to hire people for maybe jobs along the railroad.
• 11:26
  You go up and like touch their biceps and you're like, you seem like a strong lad.
• 11:30
  So I say, oh, how would you like a job out west on the roads?
• 11:35
  Oh, you're cool. You call it the roads, the road, the RRs, if you will.
• 11:38
  The rail.
• 11:41
  I'm talking about laying some pipe, you know,
• 11:46
  laying some steel pipe down on just a long stretch of what used to be woods.
• 11:52
  Yeah. Do you talk about buying out people's property, put a rail down and how some people
• 11:56
  are stonewalling you and you're trying to do dirty work to try to get their land so you can
• 12:01
  put a railroad through their property?
• 12:03
  Yeah. I mean, we talk all night about it.
• 12:05
  Me and just everybody there just keep talking about the
• 12:08
  way they bring it up.
• 12:08
  There's no way they want to be in that conversation.
• 12:11
  No, they keep bringing it up.
• 12:11
  They're kind of like in a group and they're like slowly inching away from Evan who's like,
• 12:16
  I got to buy dynamite for the mountains to blow through it.
• 12:19
  This guy's got a lot of negative thoughts about the Mormons.
• 12:23
  So let's talk about what you wear.
• 12:25
  So you've already said you have a top hat, a monocle and a pocket timepiece.
• 12:30
  Do you have the vest on?
• 12:32
  Maybe that it's too small so it's like really hanging on for dear life.
• 12:35
  Yeah, the vest is too small like you were saying, of course.
• 12:40
  Maybe I've gained a couple pounds since I first bought it.
• 12:42
  That's on me.
• 12:43
  You've been putting on weight to get this thing.
• 12:46
  Yeah, but that's because I'm trying to grow into the suit because it is three times oversized.
• 12:53
  So I'm really trying to fill out the suit better.
• 12:55
  You want the receipt for it.
• 12:56
  You're like, I can't take it back.
• 12:57
  Way too much money invested into that because again, I'm not actually a railroad tycoon.
• 13:03
  So and I can't afford to buy another suit or get this one altered.
• 13:08
  So yeah, you just said I'm going to grow into it.
• 13:10
  Yeah, I said I'm just going to try to fill out this suit a little bit better
• 13:14
  at the expense of the vest, which is the vest you got right ripping at the seams.
• 13:20
  But the suit's also way too long.
• 13:22
  Yeah.
• 13:23
  So it looks like you're wearing your dad's suit.
• 13:25
  Yeah, I walk on it.
• 13:28
  Even the legs go over your shoes.
• 13:30
  Yeah.
• 13:30
  So it's just like you're saying, I try to put my hand in my front pocket
• 13:35
  and it's kind of just down at my stomach.
• 13:37
  So it looks like a regular pocket at that point.
• 13:40
  So being the tycoon, I assume you're going to your high school reunion to maybe get people to invest.
• 13:47
  Of course I do that.
• 13:48
  And I'll take whatever money people try to give me.
• 13:52
  And I say I'm going to invest in the railroad.
• 13:55
  Maybe I do slowly becoming like a crazy homeless person.
• 13:59
  You're coming in with a suit that is obviously not yours.
• 14:03
  Walking around with a cup going, give me anything you got.
• 14:07
  It's going to the rails.
• 14:08
  It's going to the rails.
• 14:11
  Just yeah, just a vague, just a vague explanation of why you need money.
• 14:16
  Yeah.
• 14:17
  And yeah, it does go to the rails.
• 14:19
  I'm not lying about that.
• 14:20
  Do you ever have one of those hand cars that you kind of push your way down a railroad track?
• 14:25
  I feel like that's on brand.
• 14:27
  Yeah, well, that's how I get started.
• 14:30
  But if I'm trying to get across state lines, then I'm probably going to hop on the Amtrak train.
• 14:34
  By that, do you mean you'll just grab an Amtrak train that's going by while you're on that little rail cart?
• 14:40
  You're just like hanging on to it.
• 14:43
  It's harder to be a hobo these days.
• 14:45
  There's less places to grab on a train.
• 14:48
  I like to imagine Evan on that rail cart, you know, pushing the handle up and down.
• 14:53
  He has that oversized suit and his stupid monocle.
• 14:56
  And he looks back and there's a train coming.
• 14:57
  He's like, oh, my God, it starts going faster.
• 15:00
  He doesn't think to jump off the track.
• 15:03
  Somehow thinks he's going to outrun it.
• 15:05
  Well, the hand carts all I know, you know, I can't leave that.
• 15:08
  It's like my shopping cart.
• 15:11
  You know, I know you have gone to your high school union under the pseudonym
• 15:16
  and like completely different persona, but they give you the name tag.
• 15:20
  So your name tag says your name.
• 15:22
  And they're like, is that Evan?
• 15:25
  He's kind of falling off.
• 15:29
  You're like, can I get an investment for the railroad?
• 15:32
  And you're like, God, like, wasn't he that guy that played lightsaber fights
• 15:35
  outside of school?
• 15:38
  Things got a lot worse for him.
• 15:40
  I thought that was rock bottom.
• 15:43
  You're like, I got to get out of here.
• 15:45
  I got to catch the train at nine.
• 15:48
  Why does he totally a cartoon character?
• 15:51
  Character?
• 15:53
  He is a cartoon character.
• 15:56
  Everybody's leaving the event and he just goes back to his like crappy sedan
• 16:01
  and just but he doesn't leave.
• 16:03
  He just leans his chair back to go to sleep.
• 16:06
  But the window shades up.
• 16:10
  That's why you live.
• 16:12
  Plugs his burner into the cigarette lighter, making himself some soup.
• 16:16
  But it's in the school parking lot as I exit the building and I'm like walking out
• 16:24
  and like made a railroad never die.
• 16:29
  Yeah, you waddle run off.
• 16:33
  I picture him as like the cartoon penguin from the Batman show.
• 16:38
  That's exactly what I'm imagining as he trips
• 16:42
  and he spills all the change that he gathered from the event.
• 16:49
  Do you think he do you think when he gets pulled over, he gives the cops a
• 16:53
  get out of jail free card?
• 16:55
  Is he gets tased and slammed into the ground?
• 17:01
  I wouldn't expect anything different from you.
• 17:03
  Your high school reunion.
• 17:04
  And just insecurely creating a false persona, but that you're not doing well at all
• 17:12
  as a homeless man railroad tycoon.
• 17:16
  All right, Alan, the high school reunion comes around and, you know, Alan
• 17:22
  makes an appearance.
• 17:23
  How do you handle in that?
• 17:24
  So what I do is I don't come in acting like someone else.
• 17:28
  I come in acting like myself for better or for worse.
• 17:32
  But what I do.
• 17:32
  Thank you.
• 17:34
  What I do is I target a few specific people in this group.
• 17:39
  I don't feel like you should target anybody in the school.
• 17:41
  I just with the history of the United States.
• 17:44
  Usually reunions are not actually at schools.
• 17:47
  They're at the low end bar in your town.
• 17:52
  So that's that's kind of that's kind of the scene that I'm that I'm setting.
• 17:56
  So I target a few people.
• 17:57
  And basically what I'm going to do is convince them that we were all involved in a murder.
• 18:02
  Ah, that's a good idea.
• 18:03
  And maybe they forgot about it.
• 18:05
  But I'm here to remind them like, guys, I guilt eating away at me
• 18:10
  thinking I might talk.
• 18:12
  Oh, you're going to be the rat in this situation.
• 18:17
  Bushing at the seams.
• 18:19
  I come in there like sweating.
• 18:21
  Yeah, you're going to come there all shuffling and wide eyed.
• 18:24
  I've got a tie that I keep like loosening up a little bit.
• 18:27
  And you're like, man, I swear to God, there's FBI agents outside of my house.
• 18:33
  They're following me.
• 18:35
  I mean, you remember what we did.
• 18:39
  I can't forget it.
• 18:40
  I know you can.
• 18:41
  It was Tom.
• 18:42
  Tom did it.
• 18:44
  He's the one that he's the one that had the knife.
• 18:46
  You were talking about how pissed you were that day.
• 18:51
  Now you could cut him.
• 18:52
  You get in their face like you told anybody.
• 18:55
  You told anybody where it is.
• 18:56
  Who'd you who'd you tell that explains why I feel like I got shadows
• 19:00
  following me everywhere I go.
• 19:03
  You button up your button up wrong.
• 19:05
  So all the buttons are misaligned.
• 19:08
  Your hair is all I am the definition of disheveled.
• 19:11
  Yeah, disheveled.
• 19:13
  Anytime there's a big noise behind you, you turn around quick.
• 19:17
  And I always like lock eyes with one of my co-conspirators.
• 19:20
  And I'm like, remember that noise from back then?
• 19:23
  You're yeah, you remember.
• 19:25
  Yeah, you remember happy memory.
• 19:30
  You're at the table where they have maybe all the name tags place
• 19:34
  of who's going to be there.
• 19:35
  And there are some name tags of people that aren't there yet.
• 19:38
  And you're like, that person's not showing up.
• 19:41
  But I think you know why.
• 19:43
  Yeah, you nudge them a little bit.
• 19:45
  It's not it's not great of the planners to put the name tag out of a guy
• 19:50
  that got killed in high school.
• 19:51
  But I guess this is an in memoriam section of the table.
• 19:58
  You sit at the bar and you're you know, you're disheveled.
• 20:01
  You're kind of sad.
• 20:03
  You've consumed one alcoholic beverage, but it seems like you've been there for hours.
• 20:07
  You say cryptic things to the bartender.
• 20:10
  Of course, I wasn't alone as me and a few others.
• 20:13
  They're standing over there.
• 20:16
  They're at that table.
• 20:16
  Sometimes if I need to like get one on one with the other with one of them to find out
• 20:20
  if they've talked or if they think somebody else talked, I'll go and like go up to their chair.
• 20:25
  But hey, scoot over for a second and we'll both sit in the same.
• 20:28
  We'll both share the same chair.
• 20:30
  You smell like body odor and whiskey.
• 20:32
  Yeah, yeah, that's because I bathe in whiskey.
• 20:35
  I've only had like one drink, but I get up real close to their face and like I'm like
• 20:39
  nose touching their ear.
• 20:42
  Just breathing into this year.
• 20:44
  Just I haven't even said anything.
• 20:47
  I'm just like, can you sleep?
• 20:52
  Have you been able to sleep since the incident?
• 20:55
  I haven't been able to look at a bridge the same way since.
• 20:58
  And you know how much I like bridges in high school too much.
• 21:04
  Do you ever try to like pin them against each other?
• 21:06
  Oh yeah.
• 21:07
  Yeah.
• 21:07
  I'll sit there and scoot up in a chair with one of them.
• 21:11
  I'm like, look, I don't want to be the one to tell you this.
• 21:13
  I saw Brad at the police station the other day.
• 21:16
  He looked relieved.
• 21:20
  Like maybe he got something off his chest.
• 21:22
  If you know what I mean, you know, and it's.
• 21:25
  Do you, do you, do you start trying to maybe plan how to silence Brad?
• 21:32
  Like, what should we do?
• 21:33
  I'm like, I'm not saying this is the best way to go about it,
• 21:37
  but maybe we do like we did back in the day, you know, junior year.
• 21:41
  You know what I'm, you know, I'm talking about, sort of just kind of nudging him,
• 21:43
  like giving him a little wink, like, you know, you got away with it once.
• 21:47
  You remember the murder, right?
• 21:50
  You're at the punch bowl and they got fruit punch, of course.
• 21:55
  So it's, it's red and you're pouring it.
• 21:57
  You're like, this isn't the only red liquid that we've seen spilled, huh?
• 22:00
  You know what this reminds me of?
• 22:02
  Huh?
• 22:03
  Blood, lots of blood.
• 22:06
  Lots of blood and seen this much since, uh, well, I don't know to tell you guys,
• 22:13
  but I say it in front of other people that I haven't deemed involved.
• 22:18
  Again, they just think we're sharing like a fond memory, but it doesn't sound very fond.
• 22:23
  What did they, I guess, respond to you with when you're saying,
• 22:27
  Hey, we did this murder.
• 22:28
  What do they think?
• 22:29
  Some of them, they think it's a joke.
• 22:31
  The key though is to get enough people to where one of them may have thought he was involved.
• 22:37
  You get that guy who maybe he was, maybe he was just high all throughout high school.
• 22:42
  He's cleaned up since then, but he didn't remember a ton of it.
• 22:45
  You know, you start telling this guy about what you guys did in high school.
• 22:49
  You slowly convinced him.
• 22:50
  He murdered somebody slowly convinced me, murdered somebody.
• 22:53
  He goes home to his family of four and he's in his bed with his wife.
• 22:58
  He's like, he's not sleeping.
• 22:59
  He's tossing and turning.
• 23:01
  She's like, honey, what's wrong?
• 23:03
  There's a, there's a part of me you don't know, Suzanne.
• 23:08
  There's a history that I've left behind.
• 23:11
  I've killed before.
• 23:15
  What is the murder?
• 23:15
  Let somebody were to ask the details.
• 23:18
  Yeah.
• 23:18
  You're pretty generic high school murder.
• 23:20
  Like it's not too generic after, you know, homecoming game football field,
• 23:26
  me and a few others convince somebody to come up to the top of the bleachers.
• 23:30
  We all each stab him with a knife and then push him over the edge.
• 23:35
  It's this is, this is your, your pretty standard high school group murder.
• 23:40
  If we're people still at the stadium after the game or is it kind of, they were filing out.
• 23:45
  Okay.
• 23:47
  You're at the top just shanking somebody, just massacring a man.
• 23:53
  I mean, think about it. This, this is a fictional story that didn't happen.
• 23:56
  So the details, the details are still a little bit fuzzy, but also so was,
• 24:01
  so with the minds of these people when they did this.
• 24:03
  So maybe to the guy that you've slowly convinced that he did commit murder,
• 24:08
  you, you convinced it was all his idea and maybe he should go to the police and tell on himself.
• 24:13
  Yeah. And he should take the fall for all of us.
• 24:15
  So now not only have I convinced this guy of doing something, but I've also become sort of a
• 24:21
  hero to the other co-conspirators because now I've saved them. I'm like, look guys, hey,
• 24:26
  I got it under control. I know you guys have been worried. Brad here is gonna,
• 24:30
  he's gonna take the fall for us.
• 24:31
  Brad's looking now as disheveled as you.
• 24:35
  Y'all walk off and they're like, what is he talking about?
• 24:40
  As you take Brad to the police department for him to turn himself in.
• 24:44
  But yeah, I think it's, I think it's important to reconnect with people that,
• 24:49
  you know, old classmates, um, maybe connect with them in unconventional ways, like a,
• 24:55
  like a fictional murder.
• 24:56
  Nothing brings people together like committing a crime.
• 25:01
  Yeah.
• 25:01
  You know, they might not remember you from high school, but they'll remember you now.
• 25:05
  Everybody also loves a tortured person, you know, show up to an event, just absolutely ragged,
• 25:12
  you know, that's always a fun guy to have around.
• 25:14
  Yeah, you want him around. Somebody just threw a bum you out.
• 25:17
  Just in case things start getting too good, you know, somebody to bring the,
• 25:21
  bring the party down a couple of matches.
• 25:23
  Oh, that's good. So when I go to a high school reunion, I go there for the sole purpose to make
• 25:31
  money. So imagine this high school reunion, Zach walks in long duster trench coat.
• 25:38
  You haven't seen him in 10 or so years. He walks up to you. He, um, you know, he goes
• 25:43
  through the pleasantries. Hi, you know, you remember me, I'm Zach. You ask him, hey, what's
• 25:48
  with, what's with the trench coat? And Zach says, uh, I'm glad you asked. He opens the trench coat
• 25:54
  and in the trench coat is six or seven dead animals from roadkill hanging there as if I am a
• 26:03
  old school watch salesman. Yeah. Cause I am there to sell roadkill. Okay. Because I have seen that
• 26:11
  as an opportunity to let my business take off. So I opened that trench coat and there are four
• 26:19
  dead squirrels, a raccoon, a possum, a cat, but I opened that and I'm saying, you know, do you see
• 26:27
  anything here that you might want to take home with you today?
• 26:31
  You're like a trapper of old out there trying to sell pelts. Exactly what it is. I'm a trapper.
• 26:37
  Now, do I trap these animals? No, I scour the highway. You let the roads trap them. Yeah.
• 26:49
  Trap them in death. Yeah. I scour the highway and I just pick up and collect the animals off the
• 26:56
  side of the road because why let them go to waste? Somebody might want the dead deer on the side of
• 27:02
  the road. So I walk around and I come up to a group of people and I'll open my coat and kind of blood
• 27:09
  and just kind of flings everywhere. Cause I do it quickly. One of the squirrels falls off. I'm like,
• 27:15
  Oh crap. I got it. And I pick it up, losing merchandise. I tape it back on cause it's just,
• 27:21
  I've just taped the dead animals with like duct tape into my trench coat. I'm like, guys,
• 27:26
  y'all see anything here? You want earlier, you called out the animals that you had and then you
• 27:31
  also mentioned a deer. Yes. The deer is that just strapped to your back? It is strapped to my back
• 27:40
  under the trench coat though. So I look like the hunchback of Notre Dame with just a deer. It like
• 27:45
  blood is slowly trickling behind me. I walk around and I've opened the coat and I've showed them the
• 27:51
  smaller products, but then I go, but I have something special for you. And I do a turnaround
• 27:56
  and I bend over and pick it up and there's just a whole dead deer hanging from my back,
• 28:04
  but its legs are up top and its head is at the bottom.
• 28:08
  When I, when I think of people just abruptly opening a trench coat or a duster, it's usually
• 28:14
  somebody with a concealed shotgun or a flasher. So I think I have both of those. You have both
• 28:22
  of those. I also have a sawed off shotgun. Wait a second. You're naked with all this
• 28:30
  roadkill blood just pouring on your body. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a flasher and I have the
• 28:34
  concealed shotgun. Okay. Actually I was going to say, you know, is this better than the other two
• 28:39
  options, but you've, you've really just combined them all. Well, here's the thing about roadkill.
• 28:44
  Sometimes you come up to an animal that hasn't been completely killed. So I take out the 12 gauge
• 28:50
  shotgun. I just blow a hole in it. That's good. It makes it very messy when you eventually put it
• 28:55
  into your jacket. But since you're not wearing any clothes into there, I'm sure like the warmth of
• 28:59
  a recently dead creature just, just warms you up a little bit. It does. It does. And sometimes,
• 29:05
  you know, you don't find a lot of roadkill. The animals have been avoiding the roads. Well,
• 29:09
  that's when I just, I find an animal, pin it down and then I just run it over. But you don't run it
• 29:15
  over with the car. You run over it with your feet. Yeah. I forced gump myself right over it.
• 29:24
  So as you can imagine, just in a neighborhood street, I have caught a squirrel and I, and I pin
• 29:31
  it to the ground and I just take off. I run over it, duster jacket, snug nude underneath it. So
• 29:38
  that duster jackets flap, you know, flapping behind me, your best Naruto run. I run over that
• 29:45
  dead animal. I turn around, Oh, I still move it and run over it again. It doesn't really matter
• 29:51
  how it was killed in the road is as long as it was killed in the road. And that makes it roadkill.
• 29:56
  Yeah. You know, people really do. They take for granted roadkill was killed by a vehicle,
• 30:00
  but it could have been killed by another animal on the road. Absolutely. Yeah. It could have been
• 30:04
  a killer by a man pinning it down and running it over, you know, or shooting it with a sawed off
• 30:10
  12 gauge shotgun. There are many ways to die on the road. It's important not to think inside the
• 30:16
  box. And I collect those various animals and I take them to places like my high school reunion to
• 30:24
  maybe offer them for sale to the people inside. When you sit down at the table, you know, I can't
• 30:31
  usually sit because of the deer. Yeah. Okay. That's, that's, that's true. That's true. When you
• 30:38
  kind of crouch awkwardly at the table, do you ever just kind of say, no, no, thank you. No,
• 30:46
  on the food I've brought my own and you just whip out like a possum or something. That's,
• 30:50
  that's a great way to show what you can do with all these dead animals. I mean, right there is an
• 30:56
  example of, Hey, you don't need to purchase food. You could buy the dead animal for me and just,
• 31:02
  you know, you have food. You're just eating raw possum. People do it with sushi. I think it's
• 31:07
  important to eat local though. Um, support local, you know, they, you know, they say that if you eat
• 31:13
  honey from the, the area that you live in, it'll help with your allergies. Sure. Yeah. I'm almost
• 31:19
  a hundred percent positive. That's the same way with animals killed on a road. Same exact thing.
• 31:25
  You will become immune to so many different diseases. You'll become immune to hell.
• 31:35
  I'm offering salvation. Jesus. Oh goodness. Did I tell you I'm also a cult pastor leader in this
• 31:44
  situation? Not much of a leap really. Like I'm not surprised. As I open the duster and show you the
• 31:52
  various dead animals for sale. I also go, I also am selling salvation. Have you heard of our Lord
• 31:57
  and savior? Me. Oh, but yeah, it's, it's a great business. There's a surplus of animals to be shot
• 32:09
  or stomped on in the road. A lot of people will just buy the animals to get me away from. Hey,
• 32:16
  as I am a naked man with a gun with a bunch of dead animals strapped to me, as long as they're
• 32:23
  buying things from you, does it matter what their reason is? It does not. I do want to say you made
• 32:29
  me sound crazy, but here you are. You want to go too bad. We don't go to the same high school.
• 32:34
  Reunion. I guess so. Yeah. You would have made me look normal. They're like, where'd they go? Hang
• 32:39
  out with the crazy railroad guy. In closing, I will take money, but also I will trade. So maybe
• 32:48
  if I come up to you, Alan or Evan, and I say, Hey, here is my inventory of dead animals. And you also
• 32:55
  have an inventory of dead animals. I'm happy to do like little trade, you know, maybe a squirrel for
• 33:00
  a parakeet. Is that a, is that an even trade? I don't know the market value. I would think
• 33:06
  whoever's getting the squirrels, the winner in that situation. Yeah. I'm not really sure what the
• 33:09
  market value of it is, but you know, I'm willing to wheel and deal and negotiate. You know, we'll
• 33:15
  find a table. We'll just set out our inventory of dead animals on the table. We'll, we'll talk about
• 33:21
  it. I think the best thing about buying something just commerce in general is haggling. Yeah,
• 33:27
  absolutely. So I like that. I like that you're willing to open a dialogue to, you know, discuss
• 33:33
  how much your product is worth. Yeah. And speaking of dialogue, I do ask the dead animals how much
• 33:39
  they're worth. Yeah. There's a dialogue is there as well. They talk back. They talk back. Okay.
• 33:45
  That checks. But there you go. That's how we venture into our high school reunions. Go as a
• 33:52
  kind of a crazy railroad tycoon or go convince people that you committed murder with them
• 33:59
  or go sell dead animals. I, you know, you got a lot of options. And I think it's fair to say
• 34:05
  after hearing our hypothetical answers and I think fair to say that we're qualified to give
• 34:11
  somebody therapy and who needs more therapy amongst us three more than Evan. Evan,
• 34:19
  Evan has so many issues. So let's get him over on the taste lounge and let me and Alan work out is
• 34:27
  is work out all his issues.
• 34:51
  All right. Here we are. Our dimly lit office. Alan's over there, lighten up a fire in the
• 34:57
  fireplace. Not well. He's just bashing two sticks together. We're therapists. Okay. We're not
• 35:04
  woodsman. Let's go to make that clear. But we now in our tweet suits and Evans over there on the
• 35:11
  chase lounge struggling, would you say? Struggling mentally, but also in every other way.
• 35:23
  Most people when they come to therapy, they're a little bit uncomfortable, but I think Evan's
• 35:26
  gone the complete opposite way and made himself more comfortable. You guys mind if I take my
• 35:31
  shoes off or really trying to kick back here? You're not wearing shoes. Yeah. What shoes are
• 35:38
  you talking about? Like my emotional shoes. Yeah. Evans just happy to finally sleep on something
• 35:45
  soft. Yeah. He does not have a home. The rocks are hard, baby. He keeps walking in here saying
• 35:53
  weird phrases like that. Like when he walked in, he just started referring to himself as this dog.
• 36:04
  Yeah. He came in and said, this dog needs to find his,
• 36:12
  find his, his house. This dog got to get some relief. You know what I mean?
• 36:18
  I mean, yeah. And then you just heard him say something about the rocks are hard.
• 36:24
  The point is Evan needs to be here despite him making everybody in here uncomfortable.
• 36:30
  He needs to be here. So like I said, Alan, I have our tweet three piece suits on. We have very thick
• 36:39
  rimmed glasses. We look learned. You guys look good. Like real good. You're not even opening
• 36:46
  your eyes right now. I'm picturing it. He's just up there rubbing his feet together like a cricket.
• 36:56
  Y'all hearing this? Y'all getting the sound? He thinks he's making music. He's not. Yeah. Gosh,
• 37:03
  somebody, we need to get researchers in here for this. Get this down into a journal. I think this
• 37:08
  is more than what we signed up for. Boys, take me to town. Get all up in this brain. All right,
• 37:18
  Alan, let's, um, let's crack this one open. Evan, thank you for coming into therapy. It's obviously
• 37:24
  something you needed. My pleasure to do this for you boys. Yeah. For us. Yeah. Right. Um, so what
• 37:32
  seems to be plaguing you today? Let me just say I've been going through this recently as I've come
• 37:38
  to the realization you hear day in day out, especially during the spring season, all about
• 37:46
  the crawled dads, but boys, what about the crawl mommies? We only hear about the crawled dad. And
• 37:56
  as international women's day is coming up, I think we should recognize the crawl mommies more
• 38:03
  for all the work that they do. Now you said day in and day out, I deal with crawfish or craw
• 38:09
  dads very often. They're pretty much a seasonal kind of deal. Yeah. Like deal with the, you deal
• 38:15
  with a lot of craw dads in your everyday life, Evan. Yeah. As a craw dad enthusiast, uh, one who
• 38:22
  collects many a crawfish for, we won't go into the reasons, but no, no, we should go into the
• 38:29
  reasons. I'm going to say that that probably might lead to some of these issues. You can't
• 38:34
  come to therapy and then not talk to us. I just think where that is needs to stay where it is.
• 38:46
  But if that's really what you guys want to press upon, then
• 38:49
  sure. We shall. I shall divulge my secrets. Why do you turn into an 1800 plantation?
• 38:59
  When I whip upon, Nope.
• 39:09
  Okay. No, you're, you're seem like you're doing well.
• 39:13
  When I congregate with my craw dad constituents, if you will, they keep me in power. Uh,
• 39:27
  they keep you in power. Every vote counts. Right.
• 39:32
  And that's why I'm trying to get the crawl mommy vote.
• 39:35
  That's kind of where my platform is on this, this, this season, but as my constituents of the crawl
• 39:41
  daddy farm will tell you, I provide many a service. Uh, I provide rights and responsibilities for
• 39:52
  these craw dads. And now I'm beginning to provide responsibilities for these crowd mommies as I've
• 39:58
  seen the need, uh, and I've seen the need and seen that I need to have a craw mommy
• 40:04
  and seen that I need to fulfill their needs.
• 40:08
  You are a political poetic. I tell you what, now let me get this straight. Now, Alan, go
• 40:15
  ahead and start jotting this stuff down. Um, Evan, you seem to be telling us that you are an elected
• 40:21
  official by the river crustacean craw dads. That would be correct.
• 40:28
  You've taken this persona of a Southern plantation owner. Well, the craw daddy dress like Colonel
• 40:39
  Sanders. I know what the craw dad is wanting and what the craw dad is need and what they favor
• 40:47
  is a man that they've seen throughout their lives and through the generations of the craw
• 40:52
  daddies before them. And that is a deep South Louisiana and a man of purity and God.
• 41:05
  They're Christian craw dads.
• 41:10
  Here on the table over to your, your, your right, you brought a,
• 41:15
  you brought a fish tank full of just, of crawfish. Now, this is my board,
• 41:25
  my cabinet, if you will. Okay. These are elected officials. These are the lesser officials,
• 41:33
  but they are still necessary for me to do as I must. So Alan, what do you think is going on with
• 41:41
  Evan mentally as he is switching in and out of a Southern plantation owner politician?
• 41:47
  I think that he is adopted this persona to hide from maybe what's really the underlying problem.
• 41:55
  What do you think that is? Well, let me start by asking you maybe a couple of leveling questions.
• 42:00
  Mm hmm. Would you say you're somebody who loves that chicken from Popeyes?
• 42:05
  I've been known to have a buttered up biscuit slide down my gullet a time or two.
• 42:11
  Golly. Okay. Let me jot that down real quick. Um, Zach, did you have any questions?
• 42:16
  Uh, yeah. Um, where's your mom? Where's your mom and all this?
• 42:22
  My mother is a fine, fine Southern Bay. She's a great, great, great, great, great, great,
• 42:31
  is a fine, fine Southern Bail of the city of Baton Rouge, Louisiana. She first found my love
• 42:42
  of the, the craw dad, uh, farms, the craw dad community. And she has kind of fostered
• 42:53
  them and propped me up as a God among these craw daddies. Uh, kind of the one that has
• 43:00
  hailed me as a prophet for them. So, well, you know, they elect me as their prophet.
• 43:08
  I'll let me stop you right there. Sitting next to you on the side table is a, is a crawfish,
• 43:14
  but it has a little old lady wig on is that is my mother.
• 43:23
  Yes. Welcome Evans mother.
• 43:25
  Now, what was your home line growing up with a mother that is also a crawfish?
• 43:33
  And now don't you, let me, let me just stop you right there. I'm reading a name tag on your,
• 43:37
  on your crawfish mother and she is wearing it. It's bigger than she is, which is kind of odd,
• 43:44
  but it says on there, Mrs. Colonel. Do you, do you just call her Mrs. Colonel?
• 43:49
  Well, of course that is her God given name. And what was your question?
• 43:53
  Yeah. Your home life. What was your home life like living with a crawfish mother?
• 43:58
  Well, let me just tell you in one hand, it was, it was nice. It was loving. There was a lot of love,
• 44:06
  a lot of food, I guess. And then the other hand, it was like a vice grip of a claw.
• 44:13
  Uh, just always held, held tight, you know, and upright and blossom as your own man.
• 44:21
  Right, right. I couldn't be the Colonel I wanted to be because I was just in the, the, the vice
• 44:30
  grip of my mother's claw. Now you're saying there was lots of food. Were you just eating
• 44:37
  river silt and mud as crawfish do? You, you got to sift the bad from the good.
• 44:45
  And when you're eating just the bottom of a river, when you're sliding that just in your mouth and
• 44:53
  seeing what'll land, you got to make sure you get the good stuff. Cause you don't want to just be
• 44:58
  eating sand all day. Sure. You want to get some, uh, microorganisms and, uh, plant life within your
• 45:06
  body. I don't know what all crawfish eat. I think I see where this may have been going
• 45:14
  and Evan, I want you to answer this honestly, when you're down there on that river bed,
• 45:18
  just sliding around in there on your belly in the sand, pretending to be pictures down there with
• 45:25
  all your brothers and sisters, do you ever actually eat one of them? No, no, no, no.
• 45:33
  You're going to ask me that here with my cabinet in front of me.
• 45:36
  Oh, you would be surprised now when I'm down on that, that, that river bed, just being the man I
• 45:44
  was meant to be just going where the river takes me. Sure. Some things get lost in translation.
• 45:55
  Maybe I think, Hey, that's a stick. No, that's my brother. Uh, that was my brother that I just consumed.
• 46:01
  So it has to be difficult. It's a troubling time when you come to that realization that
• 46:09
  I've just committed cannibalism, murder cannibalism, understanding that you're not a crawfish.
• 46:15
  So you're like, if the jungle book took place in Louisiana and instead of wolves, you were raised
• 46:20
  by crawfish. That's exactly what I'm living through. And if Mowgli was promoted to a crawfish
• 46:26
  by crawfish, that's exactly what I'm living through. And if Mowgli was promoted to profit
• 46:32
  and head profit of, uh, that doesn't get to me to your current situation. And now you have risen to
• 46:39
  the high level of elected official. Yes. Of the crawfish. Is that local government? That's federal.
• 46:47
  Okay. I'm over so. Crawfish are so structured. We started local, but as my domain, domain, uh,
• 46:57
  expanded and the crawfish on a federal level deemed that they needed a leader because chaos
• 47:04
  was raining down upon the rivers in the lakes of the South, they realized that, Hey, we need one
• 47:13
  man to rule over all one man to rule them all. So who are you running against? Oh, this bastard
• 47:21
  named Zach's bees. This guy's bringing in this other insects and trying to cross made them with
• 47:29
  my craw daddies. And I'm not going to have it and I'm not going to stand for it. But all the, the,
• 47:35
  the young crawfish are like, let's, let's be progressive here. Let's try to intermingle our,
• 47:41
  our species. And I'm just, let me just tell you, I'm not having it. You're, you're, you're,
• 47:48
  I'm a purist. You're, you're, uh, I can take a stab, maybe an old fashioned guy.
• 47:55
  I like things the way that they are. You like the lighter color crawfish.
• 47:59
  When you go to the polls, you want to be able to see a lot of you there.
• 48:04
  Let's just say I don't want to muddy the waters.
• 48:18
  Listen, Alan, I don't know where to begin the fact that he thinks he's a crawfish, but also human,
• 48:24
  but he can talk to crawfish, but he's also thinking he's running against somebody that's trying to
• 48:29
  breed insects with crawfish seeing as crawfish are not, are not insects nor human. I don't,
• 48:34
  I don't, where, where do we, where are we lending on him? Well, I guess for starters,
• 48:39
  we're obviously dealing with a identity crisis. He thinks he is a crustacean. He also claims to be
• 48:47
  human and God, yeah, there's, there's a big narcissistic issue. There's a, I was going to
• 48:54
  think narcissism was a part of it. Multi-personality disorder, borderline personality disorder.
• 49:00
  At what point do we just euthanize? Listen, can I put him down like a horse? Well, I worry that maybe,
• 49:07
  maybe if we put him down now, the crawdads will have nowhere to go. Yeah. Okay. What would they
• 49:13
  do? It might incite an erection. It might incite a, what's the word I think it is? Insurrection.
• 49:21
  Okay. You know, when you, historically we've seen this happen time and time again, when you
• 49:26
  create a power vacuum, it's gotta be filled. Yeah. You know, someone is going to rise up. Is it going
• 49:32
  to be, is it going to be someone who is better than Evan? It could be the crawfish Hitler.
• 49:37
  It could be. You cut one head, three more will rise up. He says stuff like that. I'm not,
• 49:44
  I'm not fully convinced he's not the crawdad Hitler. Yeah. Now that you say that, I will
• 49:53
  say it is good that he's looking for the, the crawl mommies. Yeah. That he is supporting the
• 49:58
  female of his quote unquote species. Honestly, I had kind of forgotten about that part. Yeah.
• 50:04
  There's a lot of layers here. A lot of layers. The boy needs the votes.
• 50:08
  Here's a, some sayings again. I don't know.
• 50:16
  Listen, I'm hearing a lot of problems coming from you too, which you're speaking very loudly,
• 50:20
  like right in front of me about all my problems. Not really doing a little sidebar over there. Like
• 50:26
  you would think of professionals would, but either way, I'm not hearing a lot of solutions.
• 50:30
  Do you see yourself having a problem? Not really, but you keep talking about them like I do.
• 50:35
  I mean, you have plenty of problems, but if you don't see yourself having problems, I don't know
• 50:40
  if there's something to fix. Where's the voting booth? I guess, you know, maybe me and Alan want
• 50:44
  to cast a cast a vote. I think we're so far into this delusion that there's no coming back. So we
• 50:49
  may as well lean into it. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's one of those situations for sure. Head on down
• 50:54
  to your local muddy water. Uh, that, whether that be a pond, a lake or a river, uh, just in the
• 51:02
  Southeast of America, you just want us to like write a name on a piece of paper, just kind of
• 51:09
  throw it into the river, toss it in the waters. My, my agents will find it. I'm looking at something
• 51:16
  that you, that you've written down about this. And it says that in order to cast your vote,
• 51:21
  you must stick your head fully into the water, open your mouth and scream the name of who you're
• 51:25
  voting for. My people are always listening. Yeah, that's correct. We catch all word and news in the
• 51:33
  rivers. I'm sure we'll catch you on the riverbank in just a dirty buddy, three piece suit up in a
• 51:40
  podium, just yelling, yelling some of your rhetoric. Yeah. Well, I hope you listen and you open your
• 51:48
  ears and you finally come to the realization of what I'm saying to you. Well, you know, uh, just
• 51:54
  for the Saturday workers out there listed, do you want to maybe give one of your points that you're
• 51:59
  running for? Well, of course this is my platform, isn't it? That's why you brought me here to
• 52:06
  know, preach my rhetoric. Nope. Boys and girls of the crawfish community. We have gathered here today
• 52:15
  because we believe crawl. Mommas deserve a vote when they stick their heads in the water and they
• 52:25
  scream my name. We want to hear that. We want to count that. That's one for me. That's one for me.
• 52:35
  Now, before sure when they would scream, we'd be like, well, that doesn't count. That's a woman.
• 52:41
  So I pledge to you, crawl mommies and I beseech you crawl daddy's hear the words of the crawl mommies
• 52:54
  hear them say my name, hear them speak my name into the rivers and count that upon my balance.
• 53:03
  Wow. He didn't give one point to what he's running for. Only you just described how voting works.
• 53:09
  I kind of wish that it was rehearsed and not done on the spot. That would make it less weird.
• 53:16
  Oh man. I don't know what to do with him. I think maybe we just throw throw some pills.
• 53:23
  Yeah, he's going to need a lot of those. Anything to keep him just, I think sedated.
• 53:30
  Let's just write down schizophrenic and move on with it.
• 53:33
  Just take these pills, wash it down with some Z equal and some alcohol.
• 53:42
  Do that twice daily. Evan, I hope you win your next election. Thank you. Do I have your vote?
• 53:51
  You know, I'm not going to say you've convinced me, but I'll, I'll listen to you speak again.
• 53:54
  I want to kind of see where this goes. Yeah, absolutely. That's that means I got my foot in
• 53:59
  the door on you boy. I'm one step away. Oh, very good. Well, um, go ahead and go to throw
• 54:06
  your crawl mommy into the rest of the tank with the rest of your crawfish and you can just,
• 54:11
  you can get out. Get on in there, mama. Oh, oh, very good. I hope, I hope Evan finds some solitude
• 54:21
  and peace. Oh, but in saying that, let's give the Saturday workers a one-liner wisdom. Learning to
• 54:30
  read is good, but wouldn't it be so much easier if someone just read to you so you could be doing
• 54:36
  other things instead of wasting your time reading? Yeah. Audio books. Yeah. Well, what about, I'm
• 54:44
  thinking more along the lines of a personal assistant. Oh, okay. Audio books are good,
• 54:49
  but you, you lack that you like that personal flair. Yeah. Pank somebody losing your money.
• 54:58
  They say you can lead a man to water, but you can't make them drink. I say, have you not heard of
• 55:03
  waterboarding? Oh, that's good. Torture people. Yes. Oh, very good. Uh, if you have a hypothetical
• 55:14
  advice you need from the three wisest people, subjects that you need to fund facts on,
• 55:21
  write us in questionable detour podcast at gmail.com. But that is it for Alan, the craw daddy,
• 55:28
  himself heaven. You already be done. Yeah. Yeah.