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Welcome to Your Non-Negotiable Mindset · HER

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Pam Peeke, MD: Hi, I am Dr.
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Pam Peak, and This is episode number 554 of the Bold And the Brave.
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Her podcast Today, I'm joined by an expert in all things, the non-negotiable mindset.
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You know I say this all the time.
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Seriously, it's in at least a couple of my books.
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Well, finally, someone wrote a whole book about it because I happen to think
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it is one of the most important things to consider when you are looking at.
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Re-upping your game in life, no matter whether it's professional,
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personal, or whatever.
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This mindset is critical.
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It's essential.
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It's where it's at now.
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Who am I being joined by?
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I can't tell you how excited I am to be joined by Robin Landa.
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She is a distinguished professor.
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The Keen University is a globally recognized expert in creativity.
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We need that branding, design, and advertising.
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And she has countless honors, but most importantly, she has a new book.
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This is the one we're talking about here, the secret to getting stuff
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done, the non-negotiable mindset.
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I'm gonna do it again.
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The secret to getting stuff done, the non-negotiable mindset.
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Robin, welcome to the Herb Podcast.
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Robin Landa, MFA: It's an honor.
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Pam, I'm a major fan of yours.
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Thank you so much.
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Pam Peeke, MD: All right.
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Well listen, I'm a huge fan of yours.
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After reading the book, oh my gosh, I seriously, I almost fell
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off my chair when I saw the title.
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And I said, okay, we need to talk to her.
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Your background and your credentials are impeccable.
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So you've got street creds.
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I'm listening to you.
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Um, And so first of all, I always ask each of my authors, why'd you write the book?
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Robin Landa, MFA: I wrote it.
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Because when I shared my secret to getting stuff done with faculty that who
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I mentor nationwide, their eyes opened and they said, oh, that makes total sense.
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And when I help friends who wanna write a book and I tell them my
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method, they're like, they call me back and say, that really worked.
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Thank you.
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So I thought, why not?
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Pam Peeke, MD: I just think that that's wonderful.
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It's inspiration, uh, for all intent and purposes.
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You know, you sat back and you said, huh.
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This is cool, and is anyone else doing this or has anyone written
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a book about this or where are we going and is there something that
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could be contemporized to 2026?
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And that's why I loved it.
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You actually have a four step.
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Um, plan for all intent purposes, which you call the non-negotiable practice.
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But before we get into that, I, I've gotta tell you, oh my goodness gracious.
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You gave some early examples of how you can get in your, your own way and, and,
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uh, there was one with the dentist and your dental practice So, It made me.
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Laughed so hard, I couldn't even stand it.
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'cause that's how I started.
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So you're gonna share yours?
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I'm gonna go first.
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All right.
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When I was a little girl, I'm just a total rebel in case you
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haven't picked this part up yet.
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And, uh, You know, brush your teeth every day, You know, so you don't have to see
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doctor so And so and end up having drills and needles and nasty things like that.
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You know, I blew 'em off.
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You know, I, I brushed my teeth.
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Oh, sure.
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I brushed my teeth, mom.
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Uh, yeah.
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And of course I didn't, and you know, where I landed, right in the dentist's
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chair And we had the drill And then we had the needle And the whole thing.
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And, uh, I sat back and had a little.
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Conversation with myself that kind of went like this, shut up and brush your teeth.
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You know, there's no more talking about this.
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Because I was so ticked off, I'm like, I never wanna see this guy again.
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And from that moment on out, you know, perfect teeth flossing, I
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mean, you know, and it's weird.
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It was like on a dime.
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I changed.
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Now you tell your dental story.
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Robin Landa, MFA: Well, I think you summed up my entire book by
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saying, shut up and brush your teeth.
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Uh, my story was that my father, it was my father who seemed to believe that, um.
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A woman's beauty was based on her teeth or world peace was based
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on great teeth or healthy teeth.
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And so, I mean, he, he put a calendar in the bathroom.
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And I had to mark off twice a day to prove to him that I brushed my
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teeth and, and I was raised not to cheat and to honor my commitments.
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So I, you know, I would dutifully brush my teeth and cross off
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and x the, X the calendar.
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And that was a great lesson in, in making a commitment and
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blocking it on your calendar.
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Um, and I'm, I'm a dental hygiene warrior.
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Pam Peeke, MD: Okay, well girlfriend, I'm right there with you.
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You know, we both learned through the school of hard
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knocks and, um, mine hurt a lot.
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And, uh, yours is more of a psychic wonder.
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Um, you.
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I'll listen to Daddio, uh, in a big way, but I love the entire concept.
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I've been using that word non-negotiable forever.
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And um, I've noticed the magic that happens when I look, when I used to
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look at my patient's and say, you know, your exercise, non-negotiable.
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Right.
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It is non-negotiable.
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There's no dialogue.
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We're not, you know, assembling a committee to discuss this.
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Uh, we're not gonna, you know, get back to it in six months.
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This is non-negotiable, right?
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So stick your sneakers out near the front door and shut the hell up.
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Just do it.
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You know, that's why the Nike logo always, You know, resonated so well
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with me, and I understand your path.
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Started with exercise.
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Robin Landa, MFA: Yes.
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Or not wanting to.
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I had, um, my father was a dancer and I danced most of my life.
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And then at some point I stopped and I just didn't pick up an exercise routine
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to replace that movement practice.
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And I was, uh, on a level hike with my boyfriend at the time,
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and I was out of breath and senior citizens were passing me by.
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And this was a long time ago, and I thought.
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This is it that this moment is, is the turning point for me.
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I have to make a decision and honor it and commit to it, and that's what I did and
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I, I haven't missed a beat in 30 years.
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Pam Peeke, MD: There you go.
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And you look like it too.
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Um, you know, and everyone gets into exercise for a variety of
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different reasons, of course.
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Um, but uh, what you did was your own path.
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It was, is uniquely yours.
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Other people may have like.
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You know, real issues.
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And we're gonna get into that because what I've listened to for
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years is I don't have the time.
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I'm gonna sweat, my hair's gonna flatten out.
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Um, I don't have the right clothes.
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I look stupid.
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Um, I'm ashamed of my appearance.
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Would you like me to go on?
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I could go like for about three hours of this and, and I get it.
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I hear you Rock on.
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I'm empathetic, I'm compassionate, but damn it, we still
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have to do something here.
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Um, and, and This is one of the reasons why I'm so adamant
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about this non-negotiable thing.
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One of my patient's one day told me something interesting.
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She said, you know, the moment you said the word
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non-negotiable, I felt this relief
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because I no longer had to think about it.
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It's a lot of work to have to sit there.
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So I always ask people, I said, if, if you're supposed to be doing, and
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you know, you're supposed to be doing something, like you're supposed to
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go to the grocery store and stock up, you're supposed to get home, start meal
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prep, you know, blah, blah, blah, okay?
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But you're coming up with all kinds of interesting, creative ways to be
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able to get around that little sucker.
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You're dancing around it, right?
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Mm-hmm.
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So.
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What you're really doing is, is you're, you're starting the conversation that
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goes like this, should I, could I.
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Would I see the moment those words pop up in your brain, you're having an issue.
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You need to stop immediately, the little red stop sign, and you immediately need
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to say, shut the hell up to your brain.
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'cause you got demons rolling around in there in your little prefrontal cortex.
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And then just do it.
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Just blindly do it.
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You know, This is good for you kind of a thing.
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Alright, so that being said, I wanna get into this non-negotiable
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practice 'cause I absolutely love it.
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Let's start with step one, identify what matters.
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What do you mean by that?
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Robin Landa, MFA: I always ask myself, what will my future self want?
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What's important to me?
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What?
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What's going to, and This is a great phrase, what's going
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to move the needle for me?
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And once I identify what's really important, what really matters, not
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just in the short term, although that's important too, but in the
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long-term, that's what I focus on.
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And it, and it can't be everything You have to, I, I think you have to fo focus
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on one or two things that really matter,
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Pam Peeke, MD: Okay.
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But you know, Hmm.
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A lot of people haven't done that amount of introspection.
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Okay?
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They haven't.
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So what they're doing is they're doing what they think they're supposed to do,
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Robin Landa, MFA: right.
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Pam Peeke, MD: what other people have told them to do, but help, help someone
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who's having a problem with this because quite frankly, I found this, identify
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what matters oftentimes to be the biggest.
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Stumbling block.
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It's a real obstacle for a lot of people.
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And let's go in specifically into a woman's mind.
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You know, the little gerbil wheels going round and round and, And the
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strange things that are going in and out of our brain, um, that really
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we overcomplicate things we just do because we're kind of thinking
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about a lot of things at one time.
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Aren't we help a woman?
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Go through that.
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Okay, here she is.
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She's like, I don't know what matters.
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You know, like, my kids are so important and you know, I have a, you
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know, job that's really kind of, you know, excellent and I'm really kind
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of doing okay with it and whatever.
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Okay.
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What really matters.
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Robin Landa, MFA: I think you have, again, I'm gonna evoke the future self.
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The future self is my most trusted advisor And it's, it's not what I want in the
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moment 'cause my present self just wants to sit on the sofa and watch Netflix.
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But my future self has ambitions And so.
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I think it's important to think about a future self timeline.
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Where do you see yourself in a year?
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Where do you see yourself in five years?
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Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
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And what's going to get you there?
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And, and that's what matters.
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And in terms of women who are moms or caregivers to elderly parents,
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if you don't take care of yourself, you're not going to be present
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well enough for everybody else.
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And, And so there are always a lot of, as you said, should or would or coulda
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a lot of excuses to, um, help other's.
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The other thing that's interesting is former US President Eisenhower
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had a matrix that he used.
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And to determine whether something was urgent or important.
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And a lot of us, a lot of women respond to urgency, to somebody else's emergency,
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to what's urgent to someone else.
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You know?
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And even email is reactive.
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It's not proactive, it's, it's react.
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You're reacting to somebody else's request.
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So if you can figure out what's urgent.
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Versus what's important.
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Um, if it's urgent and important, you have to act on it.
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Uh, if it's just urgent, can you not do it?
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Can you ask someone else to do it?
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So I, I think it's a lot of evaluation, but the introspection mainly comes
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from where you see yourself in a year or five years or 10 years.
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Pam Peeke, MD: I think a lot of people have trouble with the future
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self thing, You know, because you can't even imagine what tomorrow's
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gonna look like half the time.
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Robin Landa, MFA: Right, right.
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Pam Peeke, MD: am I gonna look like this afternoon?
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Who am I tomorrow?
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You know?
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And quite frankly, tomorrow is your future self.
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You know, but what you're looking at is a little microcosm, right?
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So there's all these little micro future cells that build up into
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whomever This is gonna end up being.
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Whenever.
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Um, I've always, you know, wondered how one can create that, that
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thought, because you have to dig deep.
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You have to say to yourself, what is my path?
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What's my path?
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So if you look at, You know, the motherhood thing, well, You know,
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five years from now, my kids will be five years older as your response, but
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that's not what we're talking about.
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I mean, that's, that's obviously true.
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What about you?
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What about your future self, You know, versus who you're caregiving or, You know,
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maybe my mom will be now in assisted care because, you know, within two years, you
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know, she could, A woman is extraordinary.
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She could tell you about everyone but herself.
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The guy across the street, a total stranger, you know, she's really good with
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this stuff, but herself ain't happening.
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So how, how does someone begin to shape that future self?
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You know, when you're looking at the corporate end of this, I get that it's
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sort of like, okay, fine, you're at X part of the ladder and where do you want to go?
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And you know, are you talent stacking yourself, You know, looking around
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and, and seeing what other opportunity?
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I get all that.
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That's like a hundred, you know percent, but let's go deeper.
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Well, you know your own thing, who you are and how you want to grow.
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Because if you want, uh, an enhanced health span, the years of robust life,
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then you need to have meaning and purpose in life that can sustain all of that.
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And I'm, I, you know, I think I was shocked when I asked the very first, sort
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of like 10 or 20 people, um, years ago as I was beginning some research in this.
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It.
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What do you, you know, what's your meaning in life?
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What's your purpose in life?
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And many times I'll just get a recitation of corporate stuff, or,
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You know, we're gonna have a bigger house, or you know, we're gonna live
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in Austin instead of New Jersey, or, you know, whatever the issue is.
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And I'm like, no, that's not what I was thinking about.
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What do you think Robin?
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Robin Landa, MFA: I, I totally agree with you, and I think.
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It does take introspection, but I think if you frame it in easier
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language, like what do I really want?
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What makes me happy?
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I mean, that's a, that's a tough question.
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What makes me happy?
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Right?
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What makes me smile?
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What entertains me?
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What activity do I get involved with where time just flies by and I
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don't even realize it's happening.
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And, and it, it's about the self.
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But I just wanna go back to what you said, Pam, about micro.
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Decisions or micro moments.
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One of the easiest ways to understand the importance of doing something for
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your future self is when you're, you're doing something late at night, you're
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watching a movie, you're watching television, you're reading, and it's
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now starting to go past your bedtime or what you've assigned as your bedtime.
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The way I get myself to stop and go to sleep is say, how is.
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How am I going to feel in the morning if I stay up and keep watching?
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It's going to affect tomorrow me.
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And so tomorrow me is closer, it's nearer than retired me.
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Right?
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Or, or, or 10 years from now me.
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Um, and I think that can help people understand how important it is that that.
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Present you does something but future you, whether it's tomorrow, you, or
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five years from now, you lives with the consequences of your actions.
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And if you think about what will I, what can I do that?
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What choices can I make?
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How can I invest in myself that starts to make things clearer.
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But it.
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It is hard to find one's purpose if it's not.
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If, if you didn't start out with a purpose, like if I started out
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with a purpose that I wanted to be a painter, or I wanted to be a
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dancer, you start with a purpose.
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But finding one later in life is difficult when you are caring for children or
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caring for elderly parents, or caring for anybody in your life or in a nine
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to five job, or a nine to nine job.
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However,
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Pam Peeke, MD: I think that so many people today, Robin and I hear you loud
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and clear, so I'm gonna stack on that.
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Right?
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So I think a lot of people have, uh, short-term gratification issues.
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Right.
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You know, I mean, hey, you sit on that couch and watch Netflix.
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I mean, what could be better that with a, You know, very significant
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pint of ice cream at all times.
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Um, and, you know, I think people start doing that.
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The other thing they get lost in is social media.
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And the social media thing I think is a nightmare because,
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You know, you get, you get.
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Immersed in other people's narratives, the false misconceptions of craziness
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that they're doing in their lives.
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You get confused, you get befuddled by the whole thing, And then, you know.
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There's no purpose in, in meaning conversation anymore because the
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whole thing's turned kind of weird.
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Um, and I think all of us have to fight that to a certain degree because we live
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in a world of very quick gratification.
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There's a, you know, uh.
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There's a phone call away to DoorDash or Uber Eats.
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Right?
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And, And the rest of it, it's, it's kind of nuts.
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And what I always say is hit the pause button.
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Gotta hit the pause button.
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I always like to point in the middle of my forehead, 'cause the prefrontal
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cortex is right behind there.
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And that's the CEO of your brain.
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And it's like, yo, wait, what are you doing here?
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Are you responding or reacting?
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You know, you need jerking and reacting is what you're doing.
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And, and I'm kind of dwelling on this, um, for a little bit, mostly
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because I think a lot of people can't even get past step one.
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You know, I think that they're having problems.
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I love the fact about the future self.
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I love dividing it up into little micro future selves.
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Like, how you gonna do this afternoon?
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You gonna take that walk?
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I always say, walk your dog even if you don't have one.
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Walk em okay.
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Just get your ass up.
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Move.
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You know, assume the vertical and there's that.
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Right?
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But I just, I think that people, if you say like five years from now,
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I think in the corporate world.
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Uh, that's a lot easier relatively speaking because You know, I mean, if
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you're a software engineer, you kind of know how, how This is gonna end.
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You better learn some AI right now, um, but in your personal self, it's
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like, uh, uh, until it's too late.
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So focusing on your future self requires sitting down and doing something radical.
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It's called self-reflection.
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Robin Landa, MFA: Yes.
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Yes.
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And, And the, and your present self.
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There's a present self bias that present self, as you said, has
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dominance and wants pleasure.
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And wants comfort and all the excuses that you mentioned earlier
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about not wanting to exercise.
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That's all the present self saying, that doesn't sound like fun.
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That doesn't sound comfortable.
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That's going to give me a problem.
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That's an issue for me.
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And so.
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That's where commitment comes in or pre-commitments.
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Because if you talk about walking that dog, whether you have the dog or not,
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if you block it on your calendar and it becomes a commitment, something
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that you do automatically, that you don't negotiate about, you don't
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say, oh, should I go for the walk?
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Shouldn't I go for the walk?
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That's just a waste of time.
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That's a waste of bandwidth.
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You pre decide and you commit to it.
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I think most people don't think about whether they should
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lock their door or not, right?
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Most people don't think, should I shower today?
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Should I not shower?
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I mean, maybe some people do,
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Pam Peeke, MD: Well, you know.
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Robin Landa, MFA: but most of us, there are certain things in
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our lives that are automatic.
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Brushing our teeth, combing our hair, getting, putting pants on before we
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go outside, putting our shoes on.
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It's automatic, and I think if you make certain activities or initiatives or
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endeavors, automatic, not everything, because then that becomes rigid.
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But the things that matter most to what you want, where
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do you, what your goals are?
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Some people have goals and if you don't, then you do need that self-reflection,
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which is a whole other ball wax.
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I think I'm, I'm almost at the point where you do have a goal,
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you know something about what you want, and maybe that's meditating.
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Maybe that's.
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Exercising more.
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Maybe that's eating better.
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Maybe that's learning how to cook a different cuisine.
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So you pre-commit to it, you block it on your calendar, and you're
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firm in commitment, but flexible in methodology or flexible in timing.
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Uh, it can't be completely rigid.
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I mean, for me, my exercise comes first in the day just because
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that way I know it's done.
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I've committed to it.
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I can get it done.
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I feel better and I can move on And then I teach or I write or whatever I have to do.
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But I think you need to find a goal that you commit to and, and
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even if you don't have purpose, you do have to exercise, right?
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You have to get up and move And that that can be the first one.
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Pam Peeke, MD: You know, um, I've talked frequently in the past about
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a, uh, very famous book.
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Um.
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That was written by an Australian hospice worker.
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It's called The Five Regrets of the Dying.
25:18
There's obviously more than five, but you know, she was
25:21
kind of hitting the high points.
25:23
And interestingly, um, a real central theme was that I never lived the
25:29
life that I really wanted to live.
25:34
And, And that was a real eye-opener to so many people.
25:37
You know, it was like, whoa, wait a minute now what's, what's going on with that?
25:41
And that I really wasn't happy.
25:45
That what made me happy.
25:48
It just, you know, I never got around to like, what's, Hmm.
25:52
So that all leans into purpose and meaning like, um, and fight for it.
25:59
I don't care who you are And what you are, um, you've gotta fight
26:04
for that, like in a big way.
26:06
So I think that, you know, um, the identify what matters.
26:11
I want everyone out there in the Herb Podcast land to really read this
26:17
chapter very, very carefully 'cause it will take you by the hand and help you
26:22
understand what that future self is.
26:26
Again, I'm a strong believer And that future self is happening
26:32
in the next two minutes.
26:34
Right.
26:35
And so you don't have to go down the, the five-year thing.
26:38
You never know where it's gonna go anyway, um, uh, my motto has
26:42
always been that Helen Keller, you know, quote, life is either a
26:46
daring adventure or nothing at all.
26:49
I go for the daring adventure.
26:51
If I fall on my ass, I pick myself up and.
26:53
What was the life lesson on that one?
26:56
Good, bad, or otherwise, You know?
26:58
Um, And then I move it along and it takes that kind of, uh hmm.
27:04
You know, uh, way to be able to push forward.
27:08
That's also another reason why I ask women, especially, uh, to get into some
27:14
kind of maybe sport if you could, and when I say sport, I don't mean you have to be.
27:20
You know, an Olympian.
27:22
I, I just mean like, you know, join a, a walking club or something.
27:27
And then when you do that, you have to be disciplined.
27:31
They're all out there at eight o'clock.
27:33
Where the hell are you?
27:36
You know, lace it up, girlfriend, get on out and do it.
27:40
Um, This is non-negotiable.
27:41
They're sitting around, you know, giving you the evil eye 'cause you're.
27:44
You're late.
27:45
And that was a consequence, right?
27:48
And so that's the one, one of the reasons why get into something
27:52
where you're accountable.
27:55
I love that accountability thing because if you need trainer wheels,
28:00
you know, um, to be able to, um.
28:05
Be able to understand how this future self kind of thing and, and
28:10
how the non-negotiable mindset goes.
28:13
Then buddy up, you know, maybe get someone to walk with you And then
28:18
you kind of get into it and you go, wow, this really feels good.
28:21
And then your buddy says, Hey, I can't make it.
28:24
Um, tomorrow morning, but you better walk, You know, anyway, even though
28:29
you know, I'm not, uh, there and that's an acid test, it's like, hmm.
28:34
You know, your trainer wheel just fell off and now you're on your own.
28:39
Um, and that's why I just love this concept of the non-negotiable practice.
28:46
Alright, now.
28:49
When we come back, I'm gonna ask Robin about step two, three, and four,
28:54
because now we can rock and roll.
29:56
And we're back.
29:57
Okay.
29:58
Step one was, identify what matters.
30:01
It's that future self thing.
30:02
Consequences.
30:04
That means in the next two minutes even.
30:06
So come on now.
30:07
You know, be mindful.
30:09
Be mindful of your non-negotiable mindset.
30:13
Now, step two is focus on what matters.
30:17
Go for it, Robin.
30:19
Robin Landa, MFA: Yes, it, it's easy to, well, it's not easy to identify what
30:23
matters, but once you do, you need to.
30:25
Focus on it.
30:26
And that means, as you were saying, Pam, getting rid of digital distractions.
30:30
Whether that means turning your phone upside down, putting
30:33
your phone in a different room, putting it on do not disturb.
30:38
It means creating your environment in a way that will be more conducive.
30:43
So you, I think you said, put your sneakers near the door or
30:47
put your weights out near your desk or have cues that remind you.
30:52
Um, and.
30:53
Blocking it out on a ca calendar, sort of like your appointment with a doctor
30:58
or your appointment with a boss or whoever, wherever you would show up
31:02
for without hesitation helps you focus.
31:05
And so time blocking.
31:08
Um, also.
31:09
Chunking activities so that you don't feel that you have to do everything at once.
31:14
So let's say you have to do a presentation.
31:17
You think, well, I'm gonna create three slides of this deck today.
31:21
That's, that's what I'm gonna focus on.
31:23
But focus allows you to concentrate on what matters.
31:30
Pam Peeke, MD: So I think you and I are both fans of breaking things up Okay.
31:36
And, and making them, you know, much more doable, um, which I
31:40
think is exceptionally important.
31:43
Now, you and I are both writers.
31:45
I.
31:47
So I'll, I'll share after you.
31:50
Okay.
31:50
What are your ways to focus on what matters with writing?
31:55
Because you know, the nightmare with writing, it's like, I don't
31:59
have anything in my brain today.
32:01
Alright.
32:01
Or, you know, you dance around, I'll get to it.
32:04
You know, that kind of thing.
32:06
I've heard this from people who've tried to write for years.
32:09
I've written five books.
32:10
I'm reading my writing my six, and you are all over it.
32:14
Robin.
32:15
Um, thank God you wrote the book.
32:17
Um, but.
32:18
You know, tell me your secrets for being able to be as productive as you have.
32:24
Because, my God, how many books have you written?
32:27
I've lost count.
32:29
Robin Landa, MFA: I have two.
32:30
I think it's almost 30, but
32:33
Pam Peeke, MD: Yeah.
32:33
It's pretty crazy.
32:34
What are, what are your secrets for being able to stay productive
32:39
with something that clearly you've identified as mattering to you?
32:47
Robin Landa, MFA: yes, I, I, it's on my calendar.
32:50
I I, on days that I'm not teaching, I am writing and I.
32:56
I'm there and there's an old saying, uh, I don't know if
32:59
you're familiar with it or not.
33:00
Think with a pencil in your hand.
33:02
Well, now I think with a keyboard, and I don't wait for inspiration.
33:07
Uh, I'll give you an example.
33:09
Maya Angelou, the great poet, biographer social justice warrior, would rent a hotel
33:17
room and she would go to the hotel room.
33:19
And write, and she didn't wait for inspiration.
33:23
Inspiration doesn't always come, but if you act, if you start writing,
33:30
the action brings the motivation, the action brings on the creative thinking.
33:35
The action brings on the critical thinking, And so.
33:41
I, I think of it as an, and I'm, I'm sure you'll agree.
33:45
There is no writing.
33:46
There's only rewriting.
33:47
There is no designing.
33:48
There's only redesigning.
33:50
Everything is iterative.
33:51
There's an iteration.
33:52
And if you don't put anything on the page, there's nothing to fix.
33:56
There's nothing to edit, there's nothing to design.
33:59
Uh, and there are, There are tricks.
34:01
A friend of mine who is a writer always starts a new page, a new paragraph.
34:07
With a sentence, And then that's where he ends so that he has
34:10
something to come back to.
34:13
Some people will create, um, takeaways that they want to accomplish
34:18
that day and work from that.
34:20
Some people use outlines.
34:22
Some you, some people use creativity prompts depending
34:25
on what they're working on.
34:27
So you have to find what works for you.
34:29
But my method is I'm gonna sit there for whatever amount of time I have,
34:35
and I'm gonna work on something.
34:37
Whether it it's good, bad, or ugly, and I'll fix it at another
34:42
point, but it, it's a commitment.
34:44
A friend of mine, um, who I talked into writing a book, and he got a
34:48
book contract, and he is, he's a professional, creative professional.
34:53
He, he started as a copywriter, so he knows how to write, but
34:56
he said, Robin, he, he called me and he said, This is different.
35:00
This isn't writing a headline.
35:02
This is writing a lot, a lot of words.
35:05
So I.
35:06
Gave him my non-negotiable method And the book is out and doing great.
35:11
And he said he just went into his room on Saturdays and told his family
35:16
that he'd be gone for two hours and that's how he got the book out.
35:21
Pam Peeke, MD: You know, it, it's, uh, we've all gone through,
35:25
you know, especially when we started writing, you know, the,
35:28
again, the school of hard knocks.
35:31
Uh, and I'm someone who needs to have just a teeny bit of
35:38
spa music in the background.
35:40
Just a little something, you know, and I'm laughing because, you know,
35:45
a very good friend of mine who's a very successful author, just
35:48
loves to write in a Starbucks.
35:49
I'm like, are you out of your flipping mind with yelling and screaming going
35:55
on and whatever, because love it.
35:57
He just loves it.
35:58
Robin Landa, MFA: yes.
35:59
My dau, my daughter does that.
36:00
Yeah.
36:01
Pam Peeke, MD: you know, go to hotels and I can't do the hotel thing.
36:05
That's just, I need to have a familiar surrounding.
36:09
I need to, um, have my, as Sylvia Plath put it, You know, kind of her
36:14
woman cave, you know, uh, every writer needs her room, You know, and, uh,
36:20
I usually fill it up with flowers, uh, which I love, makes me happy.
36:25
And, um, then I get my inspiration from nature.
36:29
So what I do is, is I walk, I think, And then I dictate as I go along.
36:35
Thank God for technology.
36:37
And, um, so I'm kind of walking and thinking and, uh, then
36:43
when I get back, um, I put a computer to paper, pen to paper.
36:49
Now, uh, if you, I'm a doctor, remember, And so you know what
36:53
my handwriting's gonna look like.
36:54
So, um, I just, I just started banging away on either my iPad or my.
37:01
My big boy, uh, the computer, and I'm, I'm kind of moving it along.
37:06
There's nothing in the world that stimulates me more than, uh,
37:09
taking a nice long walk or a hike.
37:12
Um, it just, it, well, we have actually, we have great research in
37:16
science that shows that creativity increases very substantially.
37:21
Um, as you stimulate your brain's neurons.
37:25
Um, with physical activity.
37:27
So I highly recommend that in a big way, even when I'm lifting weights, um, you
37:33
know, I'll always have my iPhone close by so that I can kind of dictate in.
37:38
I'm like, oh, I just had this really great thought and I wanna include in whatever,
37:43
and I absolutely put signs everywhere.
37:46
Do not disturb me.
37:48
On threat of death.
37:50
Okay.
37:50
Just don't even get near me.
37:52
Like I, I will, I will emerge in three hours.
37:57
Okay?
37:58
We're done.
37:59
Um, interfere during that time because, you know, if you're interfered
38:04
with it takes like half an hour.
38:07
You know, by research, um, to be able to resume your train of thought again.
38:12
And, uh, that's, that's happened to me enough times and it's so
38:16
painful that I can't deal with it.
38:19
So I just go into the she cave and, uh, kind of do the gig, you
38:24
know, so focus on what matters.
38:29
Right.
38:29
Writing for you is very, very important.
38:31
Teaching is very important.
38:33
You know, give us a, a personal, You know, outside of exercise or something,
38:40
give us a personal, uh, you know, idea of what matters to you so that we
38:46
could follow that all the way through.
38:48
I'll give you mine after you give me yours.
38:51
Something personal.
38:54
Robin Landa, MFA: Well, the exercise is, is personal and,
38:57
and I, I, there were times, and I don't know how it passed me by.
39:01
And everybody was running to the gym and and carrying yoga mats in the street.
39:05
And somehow I missed that because I only thought dancing was what I did, and I
39:12
had to find a way to make being on the elliptical or being on the treadmill.
39:18
Interesting to myself because dancing was fascinating and I love
39:22
to do it, but here, this seemed just seemed boring and monotonous.
39:26
So what I do is I put my laptop on the elliptical, and I don't use the arms, but
39:31
I write while I'm, what do you call it?
39:35
Uh, moving,
39:36
Pam Peeke, MD: Doing the elliptical, I'm.
39:38
I'm another elliptical person.
39:40
Yep.
39:40
Robin Landa, MFA: And then I have, um, I bought and I bought a very in, and when
39:44
COVID hit, we used to belong to a gym, but COVID hit, the gyms closed, so we
39:49
purchased rather inexpensive elliptical and, and my husband only uses that, but
39:54
I also bought a riding desk with a bike.
39:58
And so I write whether I'm on the bicycle or I write when I'm on
40:02
the elliptical and people think.
40:03
Pam Peeke, MD: So you get inspired too, the same way.
40:06
Yeah.
40:07
By moving your
40:08
Robin Landa, MFA: By moving, yeah.
40:09
Pam Peeke, MD: so I, I love that.
40:10
Just, you know, like focus on what matters.
40:13
You know, if we look at this at the 30,000 foot level.
40:18
Obviously I have, You know, I've spent a lifetime, uh, talent stacking with so
40:25
much wonderful, you know, achievement.
40:28
I feel really great.
40:29
It's all good and whatever, but at the end of the day, what's my purpose
40:34
and, um, meaning in life and at the highest level, it's being of service.
40:45
So I'm a physician.
40:47
Enough said.
40:48
Um, but at the same time, it doesn't stop there clearly.
40:53
Um, I want to be of service, so I'm mentoring like you are.
40:58
Um, I wanna help people.
41:01
Um, I do a tremendous amount of charity work.
41:04
I wanna help people.
41:05
I wanna be there for people.
41:07
So to me, That is one of the highest levels of what matters
41:11
to me, and, and that's what follows me throughout all of this.
41:16
And so then that takes us to step three.
41:20
Act on what matters.
41:22
So we've identified what matters, focus on what matters.
41:25
Now we're gonna act on it.
41:27
So I kind of gave you some examples there.
41:29
I mean, I show up to the charity events, um, you know, I help fundraise.
41:35
Um, and I'm, I'm showing up.
41:38
You know, you have to, I think the act on what matters is all about.
41:41
Showing up.
41:42
You know, a lot of people say, oh, I'm trying to do this and
41:46
I'm striving to do, no, shut up.
41:49
Show up.
41:50
Do it.
41:52
Just do it.
41:52
Stop the try thing and all the rest of it.
41:55
What do you think about this?
41:56
What are the high points on Act on what matters?
42:02
Robin Landa, MFA: Sean Paul sart, who I admire greatly.
42:05
The French existentialist said, commitment is an act, not a word.
42:11
And you said it.
42:14
You have to show up.
42:15
You have to just do it enough.
42:18
Negotiation knows.
42:19
Self negotiation.
42:21
No hesitation.
42:23
You show up and you do it and you'll feel better.
42:27
Because once you start doing it, motivation follows.
42:32
Once you start doing it, you become a person who does things.
42:36
You become a person who shows up, not a person who hesitates,
42:40
not a person who questions.
42:42
Why, or should, or could or would, but it becomes identity.
42:47
Once you act, it becomes part of your identity.
42:51
I'm not somebody who needs to exercise.
42:55
I'm somebody who exercises.
42:57
Pam Peeke, MD: I am an exerciser.
43:00
That's your identity.
43:02
You're not striving to do any, you are so, you know, um.
43:08
Alicia Liu, who is please God, you know, let her medal at the
43:14
Olympics Now as the ice skater that she is, she is an ice skater.
43:19
She's not trying to be one.
43:21
She's not dreaming of being one.
43:23
She's just out there sweating it out and showing up, working out, doing her thing.
43:29
She is that.
43:31
That's what I like about the act on what matters.
43:35
'cause it means.
43:36
You have decided.
43:39
You have committed.
43:41
There is no conversation, no committee, nothing.
43:47
You're just going to do that.
43:49
Okay?
43:51
I love that.
43:51
Now, in step fours, make what matters.
43:55
Non-negotiable.
43:56
Now I thought I was just thinking, you know, all along.
44:01
Throughout step one, two, and three.
44:03
You're kind of making it negotiable already or is this something different?
44:11
Robin Landa, MFA: You identify what matters.
44:13
You're focusing on it and you're showing up.
44:17
You probably need to do it more than once, and that's when
44:20
it becomes a non-negotiable.
44:22
It becomes something that becomes part of your identity that you,
44:26
you're working on this initiative, you're working towards this goal.
44:31
Regardless, as you said, it could be that you're going to
44:33
show up to do charity work.
44:35
You're going to show up to write, you're going to take a walk every day.
44:39
You're going to make sure your dog is fed with whatever it is.
44:44
You make it what I call a non-negotiable, which is it's, it's a pre-commitment
44:50
and, and you don't waiver.
44:53
Uh, you don't not do it.
44:57
You, you.
44:58
You don't not show up to work.
45:00
You don't not brush your teeth, you don't not take a shower.
45:03
It's one of the, it becomes an automatic part of your life.
45:06
And just to go back to the identities for a moment, because I think
45:10
it's really important, we all have different, we all have several
45:13
identities, so I'm an educator.
45:17
I'm a writer.
45:18
I'm someone who exercises.
45:20
I'm a mom, um, a friend of mine who is a co-owner of an ed agency, pj.
45:27
He, he's also a writer.
45:29
He is a novelist and he is written nonfiction.
45:31
He's a martial arts expert.
45:34
And he runs an ad agency and he says, well, when the ad agency
45:39
is giving me a problem, then I'm a, then I'm a martial arts guy.
45:44
When I lose a martial arts fight, I'm a writer.
45:48
And so you can depend on different identities to feel good about
45:51
yourself at at different points.
45:54
But to answer your question about the fourth step, which is that I only make
46:00
a couple of things non-negotiable.
46:02
In terms of endeavors or initiatives, and if they're working, then I can add on.
46:10
Pam Peeke, MD: You know, the, just sitting down and saying the words
46:15
non-negotiable, just saying it.
46:19
Has some magic behind it because, you know, there's one woman who, uh,
46:26
I knew I just loved her to death.
46:28
She was just having the worst time trying to wrap her head
46:32
around this whole concept.
46:34
You know, like, so I said, give me an example of something
46:37
that's absolutely non-negotiable.
46:40
She said.
46:43
My hair salon appointment, okay, So, It took me two years to find this guy.
46:50
He is the best in the business.
46:52
He calls through the nose, you know, he is booked out until Christmas and
46:58
there was no way I'm ever missing an appointment with this guy.
47:02
All right.
47:03
It's not happening.
47:03
It's non-negotiable.
47:05
I said, ah.
47:07
See, you do understand non-negotiable.
47:11
Now, if you were to treat yourself like that and certain things that you were
47:16
doing in your life that give you that same kind of look at the reward you get by
47:21
keeping that appointment, you know, your hair looks great and all the rest of it
47:25
and um, You know, it just becomes that.
47:28
But to your point.
47:31
About repeating it.
47:33
This is why part two of the book is actually called the
47:38
non-negotiable practice.
47:42
So is practice the same thing as ritual or routine?
47:50
How?
47:50
How does that work?
47:52
Robin Landa, MFA: Yes, it, it is.
47:53
Um, Twila Tharp, the great choreographer, wrote a book about
47:57
creativity and she said that, you know, she could stay in under the covers
48:02
at, at six o'clock in the morning.
48:04
But she's created, she used the word routine.
48:08
She gets up, she puts her gym clothes on, she hail.
48:11
She lives in New York, hails a taxi and goes to the gym.
48:15
And once she is held that taxi, it's all set.
48:19
It, it's a, it's a part of her practice.
48:22
So practice, You know, You know, as a physician, they always say,
48:25
are you in private practice?
48:26
Are you in group practice?
48:28
It, it's what we do and it becomes a routine, I don't call it a habit,
48:32
because habit takes a long time to form.
48:37
This is the reverse of habit formation And that you immediately decide, you
48:43
commit and it becomes an automatic.
48:47
Practice ritual endeavor.
48:51
Uh, but practice means that it's going to, you're going to do it
48:56
for a month, a year, five years.
49:00
I've been writing and exercising for 30 years without missing a beat.
49:06
So I think you have to see, I mean, how would you define a practice?
49:10
Pam Peeke, MD: Well, you know, it's interesting.
49:11
I've given this.
49:12
Needless to say, a little thought.
49:14
Um, and when you mention the word habit, you know what I tell people?
49:22
When you're doing something that's wonderful in your life
49:26
where you're doing the work.
49:29
Whatever it may be.
49:30
You're getting up at 6:00 AM and you're starting to write, you're
49:34
doing your, you know, uh, cooking appropriately, whatever it may be.
49:39
You're getting to sleep on time, all this stuff, right?
49:43
When you, when you do those things in the beginning,
49:49
you are creating a practice.
49:51
You got a practice going on, right?
49:56
But you still have like this little whisper in the back and it says,
50:03
should've, coulda, would've, should I get to bed on time?
50:07
I don't know.
50:08
Netflix has got something new tonight.
50:11
I don't know.
50:12
You know, that type of thing.
50:13
There's like this little whisper, little demon on your shoulder, right?
50:18
But then when you just say.
50:20
Screw you.
50:21
I'm going to bed, and you keep doing that.
50:26
Then the most interesting thing happens that little demons, rants, and raves in
50:34
your ear become a barely audible whisper.
50:40
And then finally one day, nothing's there.
50:43
Suddenly you just automatically, you use that word, you automatically default
50:50
to brushing your teeth, getting that exercise done, riding for those three
50:57
hours, you know, whatever it may be.
51:00
So you know for a fact that when the conversation ends in your brain.
51:07
You've made tremendous.
51:10
Progress, but it won't happen unless you practice.
51:15
You practice your piano.
51:17
Mozart did look where it got him.
51:19
Okay?
51:21
You practice on the ice.
51:23
Alicia Lus out there kicking ass.
51:26
Um.
51:27
I'm just saying, And then you practice And then eventually, you know, you can
51:33
kind of master some of this for yourself.
51:36
Little, little bits and pieces.
51:38
And I think if you can be proud of these bits and pieces, just
51:44
give yourself an atta girl.
51:45
Rock on with your bad self.
51:47
Look at you.
51:48
Doesn't that feel good when you got a whole night's sleep and
51:52
your aura ring just, you know, lit up here, my little aura ring.
51:56
Um, and I'm just saying you can have buddies everywhere,
52:00
even if they're not human.
52:02
My aura ring will yell and scream at me if I was.
52:06
Bad girl and I, you know, went to bed too late or you know, got
52:10
rotten sleep 'cause I've got metrics coming out of my ovaries when I look
52:15
at my cell phone in the morning.
52:18
Look at my REM sleep went right to hell.
52:21
And so, you know, I always know, it's like I've got guardrails here.
52:26
Right.
52:27
And So, it could come from everywhere.
52:29
Maybe you've got your Fitbit or your Whoop, or you know, FitnessPal and it,
52:35
it's all there to help you, you know, on the straight and narrow so that you can.
52:43
Have enough practice and achievements and learnings from this.
52:47
And one last little point, ladies, listen to me.
52:51
You little perfectionist.
52:53
You.
52:53
I know where you're thinking.
52:55
If I can't do it perfectly, I'm not doing it at all.
52:58
All right, here comes your bitch.
53:00
Slap.
53:01
Okay, stop that right now.
53:04
No.
53:05
What you do is you just learn.
53:07
Look at a child learning in a walk.
53:09
You know, they're slipping all over the place.
53:11
Well, you keep doing that throughout life.
53:15
We all slip all over the place and that's the way it is.
53:19
It's called learning.
53:21
So You know, you teach, I teach, you know, we watch students all day long and they're
53:26
like, okay, You know, having a rough day today, but yet tomorrow crushed it.
53:32
Um.
53:33
It's, it is called life learning.
53:35
That's exactly what it is.
53:36
You know, I could talk with you forever and I just, I, I am beholden to you for
53:44
this beautiful book you wrote that I just think really will help people, you
53:52
know, get set on the right track and, and really wrap their head around what a
53:58
non-negotiable mindset is about decide.
54:02
Commit.
54:03
Just do it.
54:05
Learn, grow, enhance all of those things.
54:11
Look at the beautiful rewards and if you fall down every now And then
54:15
dust off your ass and keep moving.
54:19
For crying out loud.
54:20
It's called learning.
54:21
Ugh, tough love.
54:23
Alright, all from me.
54:25
Uh, Robin, thank you so much for being on the her podcast.
54:31
Robin Landa, MFA: Thank you, Pam.
54:32
You're amazing and, and you're an inspiration.
54:35
Thank you for all you do.
54:37
Thank you for
54:37
Pam Peeke, MD: Well listen, takes a village and everyone please run on
54:42
out and get her wonderful new book, the Secret to Getting Stuff Done.
54:49
The non-negotiable mindset And the author is Robin Landa, L-A-N-D-A.
54:58
And if you wanna learn more about her wonderful work, just
55:01
go to her website@robinlanda.com
55:05
and oh boy has she been prolific, to say the least.
55:09
Alright, Robin, thank you so much And we will most definitely
55:13
have you back on because, oh boy, this mindset issue comes up.
55:18
All the time.
55:20
Alright, now.
55:22
Oh, I could just talk forever about this, one of my favorite subjects, but
55:27
at the same time, I've expressed my gratitude to Robin, and I also want
55:31
to express my gratitude to my sponsor.
55:33
Soul Array, vitamins, minerals and herbs, rooted in nature And
55:38
the new her life stages products.
55:41
Scope it out@soularray.com.
55:45
Take a moment now.
55:46
Leave us a review because we just sit around waiting to hear from you, and
55:51
I just want you to know that this has been a production of Podcast Health,
55:56
and I want to remind you that you know, your time in this world is quite
56:02
limited, but the things you can do with that time or not get the right
56:08
mindset, the non-negotiable mindset.
56:12
And get on out there And the day.
56:15
Thanks for listening, everyone.