Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #637 Lightening the Load of Parental Burnout

Transcript

#637 Lightening the Load of Parental Burnout · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just once answers.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Now, what if you were to structure your life in
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: such a way that you're getting up early, you're staying
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: away from your phone, that you're connecting with somebody, maybe
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: going up for breakfast once a week. What if we
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: could structure our lives in such a way that we
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: were taking control.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: and dad.
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: So yesterday morning, our twelve year old came to me
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: with a piece of notepaper that she'd folded in half,
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: and she'd written handwritten the word signed, with a line okay,
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: so for your signature, to write my signature.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: Why did you want your signature? I said to her,
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: hang on, did you say it was folded? It was folded, Well,
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: it's all you could see was signed, that's right. And
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: I looked at her, very sophisticated I.
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: Looked at her and I said, I'm not so, I'm
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: not sure what you think I'm about to do, but
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: I clearly am not going to sign a piece of
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: paper without recognizing that there's something else on the other side.
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: So I turned it over and there'd been a conversation
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: in the car the day before about the fact that
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: there's a kid at their school who wears her sports
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: uniform every day. She doesn't have to wear formal uniform, right,
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: And the conversation kind of went that she'd got her
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: parents to send in a note, so.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: Lily the medical reasons to not wear my regular uniform.
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: Lily hates wearing her formal uniform, so she had written
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: a note and she wanted me to sign it unseen.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: Please excuse my daughter from wearing her uniform. I love
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: that we are justin and Chlie calls my The parents
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: were six kids, and we love the fact that you
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: listen to the Happy Families podcast. We also love that
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: the podcast has been nominated as one of Australia's Best
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: Parenting podcasts for the upcoming Australian Podcast Awards. We need
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: your help. There's this thing called the Listener's Choice Podcast Award.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: We've only just found out about it and we would
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: love for you to vote for us. If you like
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: the pod, would you please jump onto Australian Podcast Awards
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: dot com slash vote. That's all you got to do.
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: Australian Podcast Awards dot com slash vote.
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: We'll stick the link in the You will put the
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: link in the show, not yeah, search for the podcast
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: to just type in happy Families.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: The podcast will come up. Put in your email address. Vote.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: We would love We would love it if you would
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: do that. I want to promise you that we will
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: do amazing things for you, but we don't. I can't
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: make any promises. We'll keep the podcast going well, We'll
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: keep doing great podcasts and hopefully that will be helpful. Now,
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: one other thing that I want to mention just quickly, Kylie.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: Last Wednesday we talked about a child with ADHD and
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: autism and now dyslexia and helping a mom grapple with
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: the challenges associated with that. I always struggle with those podcasts,
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: so I'm never quite sure that we can be helpful
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: when there are so many pressing and challenging issues that
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: parents are dealing with. When somebody takes the time to
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: email us podcasts at happy Families dot com dot IU,
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: it tells me that we've struck a chord because people
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: are busy, right, and when you a podcast, you're in
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: the car, or you're in the garden, or you're walking.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: You're not sitting in front of the computer waiting for
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: an opportunity to email, but Jack sent an email through
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: and I wanted to share it just because it highlights
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: the things that we talk about matter. Early on in
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: this podcast we were accused of only talking about the
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: light and fluffy stuff. I think we've remedied that we
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: talk about real issues. And Jack said, I just wanted
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: to say thank you for the podcast episode on diagnosis.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: It was so practical and advocates for our kiddies with
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: differences coming from a mom of an autistic ADHD child
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: as well as being autistic myself. It's conversations like yours
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: that need to be had across the world. And so
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: Jack from Brisbane, we just appreciate so much you're taking
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: the time to email as podcasts at Happy Families dot
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: com dot au to let us know that what we're
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: doing makes a difference. We really really appreciate it.
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: Well, today we have another question that we're going to answer.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: Why are you looking at me like that?
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: I'm looking at you with the smile on my face.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: I'm crazy about you. Why you're talking. I'm listening to you,
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: But what are we doing today on the podcast? Don't
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: feel nervous? I look at you when we talk all
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: the time.
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: So today we're going to answer a question yes from
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: one of our premium members who posted about parental burnout.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah. So in our Happy Families premium membership, you get
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: access to a closed Facebook group and it's a really
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: great community. There's so many good conversations that happen there,
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: and I jump in there now and then. But the
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: community is so supportive that quite often the community does
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: the job for me, which is so beautiful. And what
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: one mum said, and I'm going to read the whole
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: thing because I think it deserves really fleshing out. She said,
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: I feel a bit alone with this. I've been severely
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: depressed and burned out. I see a psychologist. I have
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: a good GP. We earn quote unquote too much to
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: qualify for services that help out with the practical stuff
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: at home, but all of our money goes on therapies
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: for me and my oldest who has severe anxiety. My
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: parents live three hours away, don't visit often. My brothers
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: are quite young and I wouldn't trust them with my kids.
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: I have about three close friends. One lives in another state,
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: the other's always busy, and the other I also would
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: rather not leave my kids with I don't have many
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: other friends, lots of acquaintances. My in laws are getting
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: older and I asked them for help. My father in
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: law is only willing to bring his wife, who doesn't
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: drive over to help us six hours once a week.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: He says it's because one day they won't be able
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: to help it all and I need to get used
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: to it, and she can't say no to him. I
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: work weekends, hobby works long hours on weekdays. I just
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: don't feel supported at all, and my burnout is high.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: But what do you do when you can't rely on
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: anyone else? And I read that question, I thought, I
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: reckon there would be so many people who can relate
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: to that, a lack of support, feeling isolated and not
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: knowing where to turn. I thought, we've got to talk
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: about that, especially as we get closer to school holidays.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: I mean, we're only a month away from school holidays now,
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: and this is the long break, this is the summer
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: break where a lot of parents have still got to
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: go to work and the kids are kind of left
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: to their own devices.
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: I know she said she feels alone in this, but
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: like you said, I think that This is something that
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: a lot of mums can relate to, and I've definitely
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: experienced those feelings multiple times in our parenting journey.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so for me, there's one major thing that I
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: want to start with. And I recognize that this may
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: be a little bit sensitive, but we need to go there.
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: You've got me intrigued. I've got a list here, but
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: I get the impression that it's not on the list.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: There's a presentation that I give to staff, mainly in
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: education circles, but every now and again in other corporate
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: environments as well. And the presentation is called running on
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: Empty because it feels like we're all running on empty. Now.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: I could do this with a group of parents, as
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: much as I could do it with teachers, as much
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: as I could do it with corporate executives. It wouldn't
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: matter who I do it with. The first question that
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: I ask is, why are you running on empty? Right now?
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: If you were to look at your life, look at
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: everything that's going on professionally, look at everything that's happening
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: in your environment, why are you so stressed out, burned out,
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: overworked and run out? And what happens is everyone gets
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: into their groups and they write down the big long
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: list of all the reasons that they are so stressed out,
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: and the list is good. It usually has something to
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: do with the requirements of the government or the bureaucras
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: or the policies and procedures of the organization. As parents,
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: we would say, well, it's all the things that are
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: in the list that came through this email. We've got
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: really good reasons why we're so stressed out and tired out.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: And I'll then look at the list and one by
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: one I'll say, how many of these things do you
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: have control over? And usually, whether they're educators or corporate
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: executives or whoever it is, they'll say it, not very
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: much at all. Most of these things are enforced upon us.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: And that's actually what burnout is. It's when you don't
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: feel like you've got a sense of control, you feel
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: like you have no agency. That's where burnout comes from.
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: So when I'm in that really dark, hard place, there's
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: this sense that I can't give away my children, like
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: my children seem to be the burden that I'm wearing
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: because they are the ones that add to my workload.
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: Right I can't get rid of them. Right there, isn't
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: anything I can do to make a situation.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: Better precisely, And that's pretty much no matter what the
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: environment is, that's pretty much where we get to. I
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: can't do anything. I'm stuck. That's why I'm burnt out.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: So everyone is in agreement. Then I switch the conversation completely,
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: So let's go down a totally different road for a moment.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: What makes life most worth living? And people put together
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: these just beautiful lists. It's all about connection, it's about
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: time and nature. It's exercise, it's good food and having
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: a holiday now and then or time away, and it's
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: meaning and purpose and activity. Sometimes people even say it's
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: doing things that are hard. And we get this list,
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: often there'll be twenty or thirty things on the board.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: It's a magical list. You look at that list and think, wow,
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: that is a life worth living, that is a life
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: well lived. And then I'll ask the same question that
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: I asked with the previous list, how much control do
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: you have over the extent to which these things are
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: in your life? And everyone says a total control. I
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: control my relationships. I control whether I go for a
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: walk or whether I sit in front of the television.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: And then I'll ask the question, so, how many of
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: you are doing these things? And the answer consistently is no.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: When I get home, I do the chores. I do
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: all the stuff that has to be done, and fair enough,
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: the household has to run. But then when I am
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: done with that, I get into bed. I'm exhausted, and
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: then I scroll or I watch Netflix. I scroll my
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: phone or I watch Netflix. And it's at that point
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: and I'll say, and how long do you do that?
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: Ten o'clock, eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, And then what time
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: do you get up? And how do you feel when
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: you get up? Burn out over it, out of control.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: The conversation then goes to, what if you were to
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: structure your life in such a way that you're getting
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: up early, you're staying away from your phone, that you're
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: connecting with somebody, maybe going up for breakfast once a week.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: That creates a sense of time, not time scarcity, but
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: time abundance. What if we could structure our lives in
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: such a way that we were taking control. Now, there
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: are always going to be priorities and urgencies and things
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: that we can't deal with. But when I read a
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: letter like this and I think to myself, what if
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: we could just control one thing each morning a little better,
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: what time I get up, or one thing a little
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: better at night, what time I go to bed, or
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: a little less screen time, half an hour before bed,
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: half an hour after I wake up. What if I
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: did the things that matter most to me, might I
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: feel like time was a little bit more abundant if
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: I did those things. It may again, for somebody who's
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: got depression, who's in the think of it right now,
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: it may sound like I'm coming from this privileged position
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: where I don't understand. But as a couple with six
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: children and two businesses, and having been through the absolute
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: ringer over the last twenty years, as I've done studies
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: and built businesses and all that kind of thing, that's
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: what we had to do. And it wasn't until we
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: learnt those lessons that it felt like, Okay, this is manageable,
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: this is achievable. I think they're the things that I'd
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: really like to emphasize. Now, there's a couple of other
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: things that we need to talk about, but time's running out,
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: so let's go through a couple of other things quickly.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: As I read through this email, this question. I'm mindful
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: that we've got some in laws who are willing to
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: come over and help out one day a week for
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: six hours. There's part of its ecstatic saying yes, awesome,
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: that's amazing. A weekly commitment for six hours is actually
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: a big commitment, and so there's a sense that they
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: should be doing more. It's that perhaps they've got the
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: capacity to and it would be nice if they would
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: do more. So I want to say two things on this.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: Number One, so much gratitude that they're willing to do
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: once a week for six hours. That is a huge
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: that's a day. That's a huge load. Yeah, so that's
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: six hours. Take advantage of it for sure. The second
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: thing is if it's not enough and you think that
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: there's capacity to do more, and the mother in law
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: is willing but the father in law isn't. But obviously
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: there's that reliance on the transport issue. I'd be getting
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: my hubby to have a chat and say, hey, guys,
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: we're really struggling right now, and I know there's that
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: hole the father in law is saying, well, you better
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: get used to it, because we're not going to be
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: able to help for much longer. The thing is you
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: can help now, so I'd be getting my husband to say, yeah,
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: in the future, that's going to be an issue. But
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: guess what, the kid's going to be older soon as well.
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: Exactly right, by the time you're not around, we probably
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: won't need your help.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: The kids will have aged out of it. Yeah, so
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: let's get the help now if we can get it.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: But please don't just rely on them, I reckon. I mean,
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: if your mom or my mom was willing to give
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: us six hours a week, you and I'd be clicking
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: our heels and running down the street going this is awesome,
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: because very very few families would get that level of support.
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: I think the other thing that in relation to that,
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: there's this acknowledgment that Harby works long hours and so
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: he's out of the house a lot, and we obviously
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: don't know, We've got very limited information, but I know
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: when I think about our relationship, you work really long hours,
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: and I work really long hours. I might not have
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: a paycheck at the end of the week, but I
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: work really long hours too, And it can be very
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: easy as the stay at home parent in the house
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: to feel like we don't want to burden the breadwinner
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: with extra stuff because they've got it really tough. But
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: the reality is the only way our relationship works is
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: when we actually support each other. Just as in the
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: previous story with my friend, we're both carrying heavy loads,
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: and if we can recognize that and see that and
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: support each other the best we can with our limited resources,
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: it actually works better.
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: So I want to speak for most men right now.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: I don't know if they'll appreciate me speaking for them
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: like this, but I'm going to speak for most men
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: right now. I have found is that the harder I
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: work to support you, even though I'm busy and exhausted
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: and have a headache and have had another really long,
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: hard day. When I get home, if I can help
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: with the kids, or if I can do something with
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: the meal or turn on the barbecue, or do something
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: productive and constructive to lighten your load, I feel better
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: about being a dad, I feel better about being a husband.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: It's valuable. So just want to acknowledge that. Look a
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: couple of other things, and then we need to wrap up.
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: This person who has sent us this email has identified
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: that they have depression, and I therefore want to acknowledge
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: that all the things we've said so far over the
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: last sort of fifteen or sixteen minutes may be a
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: source of frustration. They may actually make the burden feel
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: heavier because now we're saying you're in some ways, it
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: could feel like we're invalidating the experience. I don't want
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: it to feel like that. If you have depression receiving advice,
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: even if you're asking for it, sometimes you don't really
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: want the advice. You just want someone to give your
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: hug and say no, it's really hard. So please for
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: the for this anonymous poster, we just want you to know,
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: if you're having that hard a time and you're getting
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: good help, which you've indicated you are, sometimes our advice,
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: as well meaning as it is, may not be helpful.
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: So you know better than we do your circumstances. We've
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: only got ten lines of an email. That's all we've got,
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: And I just want to acknowledge the mental health ramifications
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: impacting the rest of your life and making you feel
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: bird out. There's a big interplay happening there. But let's
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: wrap up with one last idea.
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: So when we had baby number three, I went through
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: probably the darkest period of my parenting journey. Yeah, and
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: one of the hardest lessons I had to learn, and
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: it actually was forced upon me. I got to a
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: point where I physically and mentally and emotionally dropped my bundle.
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: Was learning to accept help when it was offered. Learning
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: to let go of having to have the house a
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: certain way, having to have beautiful, home cooked meals on
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: the table every night, learning to, you know, have the
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: kids bathed every night, whatever it was, Learning to let
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: go of the expectations I had on what a good
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: mother looked like, and what a good wife looked like,
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: and what it meant to, you know, live a good life.
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: I actually had to let go of all of that
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: and be willing to accept whatever help came my way.
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: That was really, really hard. It was very very humbling,
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: But through that experience, it actually allowed me to practice
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: more kindness, kindness for myself and recognizing that right now
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: I'm in this hard, hard place, but it's not always
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: going to be like that.
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the word is self compassion.
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: It's not always going to be hard, but right now
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: it is. And if my friend was going through this,
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: I would do everything I could to lighten her load.
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: So what can you do to lighten your own load?
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: A bunch of ideas, some easy to hear, some hard
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: to hear, but hopefully helpful. We really hope that today's
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: podcast has been useful for a people going through all
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: kinds of parenting dramas and feeling a little bit isolated. Tomorrow,
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: on the Happy Families Podcast, should my kids get a job?
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: Is it okay for kids to be out there working?
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: Shouldn't they be focused on their academics. We're going to
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: talk about that and a really important conversation about how
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: our adolescent boys are being subjects of sextortion. The Australian
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: Federal Police join us on Wednesday on the Happy Families
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: Podcast to talk about a big, heavy topic. One more
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: reminder as well, We would love for you to vote.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: Please please vote the Australian Podcast Awards. Just go to
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: Australian Podcast Awards dot com slash vote type in Happy Families.
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: We'd love to be the People's Choice Awards, So spread
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: the word, get everyone you know to vote for us,
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: and that would be so good. The Happy Family's podcast
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: is produced as always by Justin Rawan from Bridge Media,
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: who does an incredible job. We don't make it easy
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: for him sometimes, but he's just fabulous. He's from Bridge Media.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: Craig Bruce is our executive producer and if you'd like
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: more information about how to make your family happier, please
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: visit us at happy families dot com, dot you, or
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: our face book page Doctor Justin Colson's Happy Families
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: MHM