Latest / Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers / 143: Making 2025 a Love Letter to Yourself: How Playfulness, Wonder & Joy Can Support Goal Setting with Kellyn Legath

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143: Making 2025 a Love Letter to Yourself: How Playfulness, Wonder & Joy Can Support Goal Setting with Kellyn Legath · Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers

• 0:20
  Before we jump into today's episode.
• 0:22
  I just want to share a little bit of information.
• 0:24
  This episode with Kellyn Legath was recorded about a week and a half before the fires hit the Los Angeles area.
• 0:31
  As you're going to learn in this episode, Kellyn lives in the Los Angeles area.
• 0:36
  And while she is safe and her home is safe, this hasn't been the case for everyone.
• 0:41
  In fact at the time of the rerecording of this introduction, more than 12,000 homes.
• 0:48
  Businesses schools and other structures have been destroyed by these wildfires.
• 0:53
  More than 40,300 acres have been burned.
• 0:57
  At least 24 people have died and there are more than 100,000 people that have been displaced from their homes.
• 1:04
  Many of which will never be able to return.
• 1:07
  Now I know that my audience here you're those that really feel deeply about things.
• 1:11
  And sometimes it can feel really overwhelming when people are experiencing such significant hardship.
• 1:18
  Because we feel so deeply.
• 1:19
  All of the things are out of our control.
• 1:22
  If this is you, I highly encourage you.
• 1:24
  If you feel led to, to find some ways to contribute to the cause.
• 1:28
  Find ways to help out those in need.
• 1:31
  So this might be volunteering man hours for cleaning up or for helping people with meals, or it might be making a financial donation.
• 1:37
  However you choose to serve.
• 1:38
  I encourage you to look into reputable organizations that can help you to do what it is that you're truly desiring to do.
• 1:44
  So do some research, find some ways to help out those around you.
• 1:48
  It can really help to calm that anxiety when you're feeling like things are out of control.
• 1:54
  And for those of you that are in the Los Angeles area, just know that our thoughts and our prayers really are with you.
• 2:00
  May you find peace and may you find safety?\ And with that here's today's interview.
• 2:06
  MaryAnn: Well, hello and welcome back.
• 2:08
  MaryAnn: I am so excited for today.
• 2:09
  MaryAnn: I am chatting yet again with my friend, Kellyn Leggett.
• 2:12
  MaryAnn: Kellyn, I'm pretty sure that you are the most frequent guest on my podcast, just so you know,
• 2:17
  Kellyn Legath: I'm so honored.
• 2:18
  Kellyn Legath: I'm so excited to have this conversation and all of our conversations.
• 2:23
  MaryAnn: Yeah, I just love chatting with you and I'm really excited to have Kellyn on because we really want to kind of explore different energies around setting resolutions and goal setting because I know as I work with my clients, a lot of them feel like, Nope, I just have to grit through it.
• 2:38
  MaryAnn: I just have to tough it out and they're really kind of miserable.
• 2:42
  MaryAnn: As they're working towards their goals, and I really love Kellyn's approach about making things a bit more playful.
• 2:48
  MaryAnn: So you want to just kind of give us a brief overview, and then we'll kind of just jump in.
• 2:53
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 2:53
  Kellyn Legath: You know, I had my own sort of aha moment this year as I was thinking about resolutions and you know, I think this has been coming up more and more on social media and people saying like, Hey, this is not the time to set like.
• 3:05
  Kellyn Legath: Hard goals and start the year off strong and all these things.
• 3:08
  Kellyn Legath: And so I was reflecting for myself.
• 3:10
  Kellyn Legath: I'm like, I'm not setting resolutions, but you know, obviously being a coach and I do a lot of vision work and, and, you know, I'm really intentional about my days and my life and what I want it to look like.
• 3:23
  Kellyn Legath: So I was like, how.
• 3:24
  Kellyn Legath: Do I make this work for me?
• 3:25
  Kellyn Legath: How do I make my resolution be something that I'm not like, if I don't do this and I'm going to feel that's kind of, is that what, what you're getting from your clients too, that just like, Oh God, if most people don't set resolutions because they are afraid to fail, right?
• 3:40
  Kellyn Legath: Because there's so much pressure behind it.
• 3:42
  Kellyn Legath: So in my work, I have started integrating inner child work more and more.
• 3:47
  Kellyn Legath: And I just wrote on my sub stack about making 20, 25, a.
• 3:53
  Kellyn Legath: Love letter to your inner child.
• 3:56
  Kellyn Legath: And even in that language, there's just like a softness to it.
• 4:00
  Kellyn Legath: It's, you know, not start the year off strong, start the year off soft.
• 4:04
  Kellyn Legath: And it's different.
• 4:05
  MaryAnn: I
• 4:05
  Kellyn Legath: It's such a different vibe.
• 4:07
  MaryAnn: Okay.
• 4:08
  MaryAnn: Let's sit with that for just a minute.
• 4:10
  MaryAnn: Don't start the year off strong, but started off soft.
• 4:14
  MaryAnn: I think so many people need that right now in particular having that softness, we do kind of have a tendency to think, okay, well after the holidays, I really have to hit the ground running.
• 4:24
  MaryAnn: We haven't really had time to catch our breath.
• 4:26
  MaryAnn: We think that the holidays are gonna be a time of break and a renewal, but they're so hectic and so busy or so emotional for people that for many, it's not actually the break that they need.
• 4:37
  MaryAnn: So I love that idea of starting the year off soft.
• 4:40
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 4:40
  Kellyn Legath: I mean, that's
• 4:41
  MaryAnn: bit more to that?
• 4:42
  Kellyn Legath: there.
• 4:42
  Kellyn Legath: What you just said is so important.
• 4:44
  Kellyn Legath: Like really, if we sit back and we reflect and we think about.
• 4:49
  Kellyn Legath: Society, what the outside world is telling us to do, you know, we hit November 1st and all of a sudden, the next thing, you know, Thanksgiving is there and we're traveling and we're crazy.
• 4:58
  Kellyn Legath: And then, you know, this day after Thanksgiving, it's black Friday and it's this, and work is busy and we're, Again, we're traveling, we have so much more going on, we have holiday parties, we, it just, like, the social volume gets turned up, and therefore, just naturally, the emotional volume gets turned up.
• 5:16
  Kellyn Legath: You know, whether it's with your own family, with friends, with relationships, there's, it's such a heavy time.
• 5:24
  Kellyn Legath: So realistically, if you really think about it, How, how does anybody, how could anyone possibly carve out time to actually sit and self reflect and rest and recharge to prepare for the new year?
• 5:38
  Kellyn Legath: It, it literally like doesn't make sense.
• 5:40
  Kellyn Legath: When you say it out loud, you're like, I'm sorry, when, when are we doing that?
• 5:43
  Kellyn Legath: Because that's just, it's literally crazy.
• 5:47
  MaryAnn: So this is just a funny little side story, but by family, we've kind of been re watching the series, the middle.
• 5:51
  MaryAnn: Have you ever seen that series
• 5:53
  Kellyn Legath: I haven't.
• 5:54
  Kellyn Legath: I haven't.
• 5:55
  MaryAnn: But there was this one episode that I was just dying, laughing over where Frankie, the mom, she's feeling so overwhelmed with the holidays.
• 6:01
  MaryAnn: And so her husband is like, I I've got it.
• 6:04
  MaryAnn: It's easy.
• 6:04
  MaryAnn: All you have to do is be organized.
• 6:06
  MaryAnn: And so he's doing all of the Christmasy things.
• 6:08
  MaryAnn: And then she's like, wait, but I actually like doing that part.
• 6:11
  MaryAnn: And you're doing all the fun things.
• 6:12
  MaryAnn: And anyway, it was really interesting to just see visually, like what you were describing that mix of emotions, because there are things that we do want to do.
• 6:20
  MaryAnn: It can be fun to go to all the holiday parties and, and to exchange gifts with coworkers and neighbors and everybody.
• 6:27
  MaryAnn: at the same time, there's also that little bit of drain.
• 6:30
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 6:31
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 6:31
  Kellyn Legath: And it is, you know, I, I really, Something I, I'm not sure if we've talked about on here before, but I really do talk about often and how it just changed the dynamic of our relationships and how we go about our lives, right?
• 6:45
  Kellyn Legath: It's so much change in the last few years, and even adding that additional social element is exhausting.
• 6:53
  Kellyn Legath: Like, most of us are working from home, most of us aren't getting out and about in the way that we used to, and we are getting back to that in such a big way.
• 7:00
  Kellyn Legath: But the addition of those things.
• 7:02
  Kellyn Legath: Are physically and emotionally draining it's just part of it.
• 7:08
  Kellyn Legath: Um,
• 7:08
  MaryAnn: And bringing it back to that childlike energy is so different too when you are seeing it through a child's eyes, then you can see better the magic and the excitement and, and we don't see quite as much of the work, right?
• 7:22
  Kellyn Legath: totally
• 7:23
  MaryAnn: in those emotions into the new year be very powerful.
• 7:28
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah, I love that you said magic.
• 7:30
  Kellyn Legath: I think that's a really important word and, and, uh, an important viewpoint as you look at inner child work, because I mean, do adults, are they really like, Oh, the magic of the holidays?
• 7:41
  Kellyn Legath: No, we're like, Oh, there's so much to do during the holidays.
• 7:43
  Kellyn Legath: It's pressure.
• 7:43
  Kellyn Legath: It's like to do lists and it's all these things and it, we do lose the magic and there is such a beauty there, but we, it's so easy to lose sight of it.
• 7:52
  Kellyn Legath: Right.
• 7:52
  Kellyn Legath: And no fault of anybody, right.
• 7:54
  Kellyn Legath: If someone's listening and they're like.
• 7:56
  Kellyn Legath: Oh God, I, I, you know, the holidays aren't fun for me because it is so pressure filled.
• 8:01
  Kellyn Legath: It's like, you have to give yourself grace because that's the way it, our, our society is operating.
• 8:08
  Kellyn Legath: You know, it's just, it's really hard to kind of navigate out of that.
• 8:12
  Kellyn Legath: Hmm.
• 8:23
  MaryAnn: a few different decks where I just do a card draw and, um, I'm really enjoying currently.
• 8:27
  MaryAnn: This archetype deck by Kim Kranz.
• 8:29
  MaryAnn: I love all of her work, but this one's really fun.
• 8:31
  MaryAnn: But what I generally do is draw a card and just kind of see how I can apply the principles of that card.
• 8:37
  MaryAnn: It just kind of gives me a little bit of focus for the day.
• 8:40
  MaryAnn: And it was so fun that as I was waiting for to settle in and for the time to come for this interview, then I drew a card and I absolutely love what card I got and the card I got is the star born, the divine child, the star child, the destined.
• 8:54
  MaryAnn: And this card talks about that, about tapping into that radiant energy, that magical energy.
• 9:01
  MaryAnn: And it talks about aiming itself towards a future that is beyond the mundane.
• 9:07
  MaryAnn: And I've never met a child with a mundane life, right?
• 9:10
  MaryAnn: They live in that realm of magic.
• 9:12
  MaryAnn: So I'm really excited to hear a bit more about how to navigate that and what does it look like when we shift our resolutions to come through those, those other emotions, not the ones of like just powering through, but how does it shift our resolutions when we're coming at it through the emotions of fun and playfulness and nurturing that inner child instead?
• 9:36
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah, I just have to, to grab on, grab hold of what you just said, like beyond, I've never met a child with a mundane life.
• 9:43
  Kellyn Legath: Like really think about that.
• 9:45
  Kellyn Legath: That's, I just love that you just said that.
• 9:47
  Kellyn Legath: It's, it's so important.
• 9:48
  Kellyn Legath: And I think, you know, When, when you ask the question, like what, what's the shift, right?
• 9:55
  Kellyn Legath: What does the shift look like from the pressure to the lightness, to the fun, to the in moving into the mundane.
• 10:01
  Kellyn Legath: And so much of it is a shift in language, right?
• 10:05
  Kellyn Legath: And, and language is thought and thought changes our internal world.
• 10:09
  Kellyn Legath: And even that process can create lightness, right?
• 10:13
  Kellyn Legath: So I think
• 10:14
  MaryAnn: Okay.
• 10:41
  Kellyn Legath: the inner child, right?
• 10:42
  Kellyn Legath: Ugh, I have to go to the gym.
• 10:44
  Kellyn Legath: The inner child is like, I get to go to the gym.
• 10:47
  Kellyn Legath: I get to go to the park.
• 10:49
  Kellyn Legath: I get to go to these social situations.
• 10:51
  Kellyn Legath: I might make a new friend, right?
• 10:53
  Kellyn Legath: That's where the curiosity comes in or sort of like the wonder.
• 10:56
  Kellyn Legath: Um, of, of possibility to be like, Oh, this could, this could happen today.
• 11:02
  Kellyn Legath: I don't know.
• 11:03
  Kellyn Legath: Um, I, you know, I get to learn something new and that,
• 11:08
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 11:12
  Kellyn Legath: opportunity and what's possible.
• 11:15
  Kellyn Legath: It sort of just turns the volume up.
• 11:17
  Kellyn Legath: It clicks it on.
• 11:18
  Kellyn Legath: Right.
• 11:19
  Kellyn Legath: Um, so much, so many people feel like, think about learning something new.
• 11:23
  Kellyn Legath: For example, if you're somebody that has a resolution of like, Hey, I want to learn Italian or I want to play an instrument, you do it for two days and then you're like, I'm not good at this.
• 11:33
  Kellyn Legath: This is too much work.
• 11:34
  Kellyn Legath: It's too hard.
• 11:36
  Kellyn Legath: It's whatever.
• 11:36
  Kellyn Legath: And.
• 11:37
  Kellyn Legath: We sort of lose sight of that magic, uh, sort of like, Ooh, this is something I'm kind of interested in.
• 11:43
  Kellyn Legath: I'm going to stick with it and I'm going to keep playing.
• 11:45
  Kellyn Legath: And it is going to get hard, but I'm going to keep going because it's something that delights me and interests me.
• 11:50
  Kellyn Legath: And that to me is like, That shift in language, I, I, I can't breeze over how important it is.
• 11:58
  Kellyn Legath: It's so different to go from, I have to, to I get to, to, um, it interests me.
• 12:04
  Kellyn Legath: I'm delighted by it.
• 12:06
  Kellyn Legath: You know, it just, it just shifts so, so vastly.
• 12:11
  MaryAnn: I love that.
• 12:11
  MaryAnn: Shifting from I have to, to I get to, and getting in that curiosity and wonder.
• 12:16
  MaryAnn: And as you were talking about a little kid being like, yeah, I get to go to the gym.
• 12:20
  MaryAnn: It totally reminded me of my nephew, which I just have to share because it's really pretty adorable.
• 12:26
  MaryAnn: Hopefully he's not going to be too embarrassed.
• 12:27
  MaryAnn: He doesn't listen.
• 12:27
  MaryAnn: It'll be fine.
• 12:28
  MaryAnn: But he's 14 years old and he has just discovered how amazing his body is.
• 12:34
  MaryAnn: Like the testosterone starting to kick in, he's getting muscles.
• 12:37
  MaryAnn: And he like hardly has to work out before he sees the benefit.
• 12:41
  MaryAnn: And he's so excited to see how amazing his body is.
• 12:45
  MaryAnn: And it is downright comical to see him engaging with my kids because, you know, we'll be just eating, hanging out, you know, for Thanksgiving.
• 12:52
  MaryAnn: And he's like, well, go work out now.
• 12:54
  MaryAnn: And he goes down to the basement and starts pumping iron and comes up feeling a bit bigger and more proud.
• 12:59
  MaryAnn: And, and it's, it's kind of comical to watch, but at the same time, um, fun and how inspiring to see someone experiencing that magic and that awe around what their body is capable of.
• 13:13
  MaryAnn: How cool is that?
• 13:14
  MaryAnn: Yes.
• 13:15
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 13:18
  Kellyn Legath: right?
• 13:18
  Kellyn Legath: Like, he's getting to like, honor something, and then also gets, right away, to experience that feel good emotion of like, hey, this is feeling good, this is feeling in alignment, this is feeling, um, You know, self, self serving in a not selfish way.
• 13:33
  Kellyn Legath: Right.
• 13:34
  Kellyn Legath: But it's like, Hey, this feels good.
• 13:36
  Kellyn Legath: Um, and I think following that and like to, for you as an observer to kind of watch that energy, you know, being in this.
• 13:45
  Kellyn Legath: creative sort of, um, following the delight or following the glimmer, if you want to call it that.
• 13:52
  Kellyn Legath: It is about finding your sense of self, finding what lights you up and being in the discovery of that.
• 13:57
  Kellyn Legath: And what you just described is like your nephew being in the discovery of something that lights him up, you know, whether that means he'll end up being a bodybuilder or whatever, just ingrained healthy habits into his life.
• 14:10
  Kellyn Legath: Like He is, is creating building blocks of, you know, who he is and who he wants to become.
• 14:15
  Kellyn Legath: And that's just like such a cool thing to witness.
• 14:19
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 14:19
  MaryAnn: Well, and it's also got me kind of thinking a little bit about that self differentiation, right?
• 14:23
  MaryAnn: No one else was working out on Thanksgiving after Turkey, you know, I mean, some families go and do the Turkey trot, but we're all sitting around eating pie and he's like, I'm going to go do this thing.
• 14:32
  MaryAnn: And he experienced that confidence in it where he was like, no, it's okay for me to do something different.
• 14:37
  MaryAnn: I can go take the time that I need.
• 14:39
  MaryAnn: And, and how honoring that is to you as an individual too, because sometimes we kind of have that herd mentality, which kind of leads into my next.
• 14:46
  MaryAnn: Question about societal programming versus like the natural rhythms.
• 14:49
  MaryAnn: But we kind of have that assumption that I must set my goals the same time everybody else does.
• 14:55
  MaryAnn: I must do things in the same way everybody else does it.
• 14:58
  MaryAnn: If everybody is just planning to do a 5k, I have to have, make that one of my goals too.
• 15:02
  MaryAnn: So can you speak a little bit to that about the
• 15:05
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 15:06
  MaryAnn: versus finding your own natural rhythm?
• 15:08
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah, I mean, that's the root of inner child work.
• 15:11
  Kellyn Legath: It's like finding your individuality, right?
• 15:13
  Kellyn Legath: Like finding what is right for you and constantly checking in with yourself, right?
• 15:19
  Kellyn Legath: It is a, it is a honoring, Hey, am I signing up for this 5k just because my family is, or do I actually want to do the 5k, right?
• 15:29
  Kellyn Legath: Like it's that constant self reflection of, you know, Do you like your reason why you're doing it?
• 15:35
  Kellyn Legath: Right.
• 15:35
  Kellyn Legath: That was such a big aha moment in my healing when somebody asked me that question, do you like the reason?
• 15:40
  Kellyn Legath: And I, I think asking that question, keeping that question in your back pocket as you move through, like am I losing weight?
• 15:48
  Kellyn Legath: Am I, you know, like you said, doing a 5k, am I doing these things because my friends are doing them?
• 15:56
  Kellyn Legath: Um, am I setting a goal?
• 15:58
  Kellyn Legath: Are we doing vision work right now?
• 16:00
  Kellyn Legath: Because, Oh, my friends are doing it.
• 16:02
  Kellyn Legath: Um, It's a really important, uh, pullback moment.
• 16:07
  Kellyn Legath: And, you know, we talk about in our work and I know you've talked about it on your podcast, like our brains are hardwired for connection.
• 16:14
  Kellyn Legath: If we want to, you know, bring in the Brene Brown teachings to, you know, we want to be connected and, um, you know, it's important to keep your.
• 16:24
  Kellyn Legath: Um, and I think it's important just to, to be compassionate with yourself as you're moving through this, because I think it does feel a little bit like of a shock to the system.
• 16:31
  Kellyn Legath: Like, Hey, I'm not going to do that.
• 16:33
  Kellyn Legath: Um, and it doesn't have to mean that you're disconnecting from the group or like being a rebel in society.
• 16:39
  Kellyn Legath: Right.
• 16:39
  Kellyn Legath: It's just about honoring yourself.
• 16:42
  Kellyn Legath: Um, and, and following the natural wave of, of what feels right to you.
• 16:48
  MaryAnn: I love that.
• 16:48
  MaryAnn: Overcoming that fear to honor yourself
• 16:51
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah,
• 16:52
  MaryAnn: Speaking to that fear and like that is our ultimate fear is, but if I'm different, I'm going to be kicked out of the group.
• 16:57
  MaryAnn: to be kicked out of the cave.
• 16:59
  MaryAnn: I'm not going to be protected.
• 17:00
  MaryAnn: I'm not going to be safe.
• 17:01
  MaryAnn: I'm not going to have community.
• 17:02
  MaryAnn: And it can be scary to follow your own natural rhythms to decide, okay, well, you know what, for me, it does feel more natural for me to start or jogging when it's in the springtime and not in the dead of winter.
• 17:14
  MaryAnn: For me, it feels more in alignment to do this on my own.
• 17:17
  MaryAnn: Even though everybody else is going and doing the same thing in a group, this feels more honoring for me.
• 17:22
  MaryAnn: And so I love that mind flip of replacing that fear with no, I'm choosing consciously to do this in order to honor my own personal timeline timeline.
• 17:35
  MaryAnn: Said to ask yourself, do I like my reason for doing it?
• 17:38
  MaryAnn: Or am I only showing up every morning for kickboxing because so and so says I have to, and that can serve a time and a purpose, right?
• 17:44
  MaryAnn: Sometimes it's nice to have other people say, nope, this is what we're doing, especially when it's kind of hard, right?
• 17:49
  MaryAnn: a season for that.
• 17:50
  MaryAnn: And, but noting for yourself, I like my reason for showing up and what truly inspires me?
• 17:57
  MaryAnn: Am I doing it just for other people or because this really, truly resonates with me?
• 18:01
  MaryAnn: So I love that you brought that up.
• 18:03
  Kellyn Legath: And what you're saying is a really important aspect and a reflection point in this right of like, is this person doing this motivating me?
• 18:11
  Kellyn Legath: And is it lighting me up?
• 18:12
  Kellyn Legath: Right?
• 18:13
  Kellyn Legath: Like, maybe you have a roommate or your spouse or whoever and they're like, Come on, let's work out.
• 18:18
  Kellyn Legath: And you're like, I don't really want to do this.
• 18:20
  Kellyn Legath: But then you do it and you're like, No, you know what?
• 18:22
  Kellyn Legath: I'm so glad it was fun.
• 18:24
  Kellyn Legath: We put on music.
• 18:25
  Kellyn Legath: We, you know, had snacks afterwards or whatever you end up doing and it becomes a ritual and that feels really good, right?
• 18:33
  Kellyn Legath: But there's a really different energy in someone kind of dragging you along and be like, come on, I'm doing it.
• 18:40
  Kellyn Legath: You have to do it too.
• 18:41
  Kellyn Legath: And you're just like, this doesn't feel right for me.
• 18:43
  Kellyn Legath: It really is.
• 18:44
  Kellyn Legath: I think to be able to tap into that, you really have to be able to sit with yourself and check in with your body, right?
• 18:50
  Kellyn Legath: So much of us.
• 18:52
  Kellyn Legath: we're always intellectualizing.
• 18:54
  Kellyn Legath: Does this feel right now?
• 18:54
  Kellyn Legath: Yes.
• 18:55
  Kellyn Legath: But like check in with yourself after you do it.
• 18:57
  Kellyn Legath: Does, do you feel like this is horrible?
• 19:01
  Kellyn Legath: I don't want to do this.
• 19:02
  Kellyn Legath: I dread it.
• 19:02
  Kellyn Legath: I'm not even glad that I went, you know, it, it is.
• 19:06
  Kellyn Legath: Um, it is such a moment of reflection and that's, um, That's, you know, that's tuning into yourself and your needs and that's tuning into the inner child.
• 19:17
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 19:18
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 19:18
  MaryAnn: And I love that about coming to recognize what really does bring you joy because I, and that's something I've really been trying to lean into this last year.
• 19:26
  MaryAnn: It's been really interesting.
• 19:27
  MaryAnn: And I've talked to her on the podcast about how we just recently made a move and I've just decided to make this home just a dopamine hit for me.
• 19:35
  Kellyn Legath: Love that.
• 19:36
  Kellyn Legath: Love that.
• 19:37
  MaryAnn: Historically, I like decorated my home according to what was in at the time, but it didn't really resonate with me.
• 19:43
  MaryAnn: I would do what looked good according to everybody else's standards.
• 19:46
  MaryAnn: And now I'm just like, no, like my decorative style is now finding things that bring me joy.
• 19:52
  MaryAnn: And I'll put it up even if it's a little bit quirky.
• 19:54
  MaryAnn: Like yesterday, I just bought some Bigfoot art.
• 19:57
  MaryAnn: And I'm going to put it in my living room because I love it and I think it's adorable and hilarious.
• 20:01
  MaryAnn: It has like a little family, a big foot.
• 20:02
  MaryAnn: I'm like, that's so cute.
• 20:03
  MaryAnn: And then I wore this intentionally today.
• 20:06
  MaryAnn: Okay.
• 20:07
  MaryAnn: So the home that we're living in, it used to belong to a family member and we were going through all of her things and she had an abundance of jewelry.
• 20:14
  MaryAnn: And so me and my mom and my sister were going through her jewelry and I saw this necklace in there and I thought, Oh, how interesting.
• 20:21
  MaryAnn: I wonder what kind of wooden beads those are.
• 20:23
  MaryAnn: And I pulled it out and Kellan.
• 20:26
  MaryAnn: Okay, everybody who's watching this on video, this is just dried out corn
• 20:29
  Kellyn Legath: Oh my
• 20:31
  MaryAnn: and it was in with all of her gorgeous jewelry and I laughed so hard
• 20:36
  Kellyn Legath: God.
• 20:37
  MaryAnn: what it was.
• 20:37
  MaryAnn: It brought me so much joy that this was one of the jewelry pieces I decided to keep because I thought that is just, it brought me so much joy.
• 20:45
  MaryAnn: I laughed so hard.
• 20:46
  MaryAnn: So hard that I had to keep this and they probably thought I was a little bit silly for choosing to keep this along with all the fancy things and that I'm actually wearing it.
• 20:54
  MaryAnn: It's funny, but it brings me joy.
• 20:56
  MaryAnn: It makes me laugh.
• 20:57
  MaryAnn: You know, that to think through at one point, this must have brought her joy as well, right?
• 21:03
  MaryAnn: To be
• 21:03
  Kellyn Legath: I love that.
• 21:04
  MaryAnn: of her fancy jewelry.
• 21:05
  MaryAnn: It must've brought her joy at some point, but it just was so unexpected that I thought.
• 21:11
  MaryAnn: because it brought me joy.
• 21:12
  MaryAnn: I'm going to keep it, but to be intentional about seeking those things out, not what everybody else thinks should bring you joy.
• 21:17
  MaryAnn: No, this thing will make you happy, but leaning into what's going to bring me joy.
• 21:22
  MaryAnn: And am I brave enough to pull it out and to reserve that for myself?
• 21:26
  Kellyn Legath: Ooh, am I brave enough?
• 21:28
  Kellyn Legath: That is like inner child, like sweet, sweet inner child language.
• 21:34
  Kellyn Legath: Am I brave enough?
• 21:35
  Kellyn Legath: You know, it is, I know we, you know, we kind of glossed over this a little bit, but it's like, it is scary.
• 21:40
  Kellyn Legath: It is.
• 21:41
  Kellyn Legath: And you had such a beautiful way of describing the experience you had with this and finding this necklace.
• 21:47
  Kellyn Legath: And also the acknowledgement of like, Hey, people might think this is weird, but I love it.
• 21:52
  Kellyn Legath: And that really matters to me.
• 21:54
  Kellyn Legath: And there's like.
• 21:54
  Kellyn Legath: Such a distinct switch in there.
• 21:57
  Kellyn Legath: And there's like, you know, a grounded self to be like, Hey, I like this.
• 22:02
  Kellyn Legath: I don't care if it's weird.
• 22:03
  Kellyn Legath: It brought me joy.
• 22:04
  Kellyn Legath: It brings me memories.
• 22:05
  Kellyn Legath: I've been able to tell the story, which has brought even more joy, creating a ripple effect.
• 22:09
  Kellyn Legath: Like that's, there's something really special about that.
• 22:12
  Kellyn Legath: And, and as you're talking about decorating your home, right?
• 22:15
  Kellyn Legath: Like.
• 22:16
  Kellyn Legath: People might see it and be like, that's not for me.
• 22:18
  Kellyn Legath: And you know, that's too loud or that's too bright or whatever.
• 22:22
  Kellyn Legath: I, I sort of had a similar experience with, um, fashion with how I dressed and being like, yeah, I don't need to, you know, I don't want to look like I just walked in and out of Zara just like everybody else.
• 22:34
  Kellyn Legath: I want to find unique pieces.
• 22:35
  Kellyn Legath: I want to dress a little quirky.
• 22:36
  Kellyn Legath: I want to, you know, whatever it is.
• 22:39
  Kellyn Legath: There's something about just like honoring what delights you.
• 22:44
  Kellyn Legath: That to me is like following the inner child.
• 22:47
  MaryAnn: Yeah, one that has me thinking a little bit more about finding that natural flow for you.
• 22:52
  MaryAnn: I think that it is completely natural and part of human development.
• 22:55
  MaryAnn: When we're young, we don't care what other people think.
• 22:57
  MaryAnn: We only do what we like.
• 22:59
  MaryAnn: Right?
• 22:59
  MaryAnn: Like I just had a Facebook memory pop up where I was taking my kids out in public and one of them had five ponytails and the other one was wearing like six.
• 23:06
  MaryAnn: 17 scarves or something crazy, you know, when we were going out in public and I was like, you know what, it's not worth the fight.
• 23:11
  MaryAnn: This is great.
• 23:12
  Kellyn Legath: Do it.
• 23:13
  MaryAnn: And then as the, as you get older, right?
• 23:15
  MaryAnn: So when you're little, you just don't care.
• 23:17
  MaryAnn: You just do what makes you happy.
• 23:18
  MaryAnn: We're so good at it.
• 23:20
  MaryAnn: And then the world tells us, especially in middle school, no, you must fit into this box.
• 23:25
  Kellyn Legath: Exactly.
• 23:26
  MaryAnn: from then on, it seems like we're trying to redefine self.
• 23:29
  MaryAnn: We're trying to find that joy.
• 23:32
  MaryAnn: And I think as people get to that middle age, that's essentially what we're all trying to do is get back to that spark
• 23:39
  Kellyn Legath: yeah,
• 23:39
  MaryAnn: who we once were and to be.
• 23:42
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 23:42
  MaryAnn: Willing to bring that back into our conscious reality.
• 23:46
  Kellyn Legath: yeah, that's exactly what you're describing is really how I visualize it, right?
• 23:50
  Kellyn Legath: Like, even if we want to go back to birth, like we come onto this planet and we're like these unique, special, perfect beings.
• 23:59
  Kellyn Legath: And then we go through life, right?
• 24:01
  Kellyn Legath: And we start to move away from ourselves.
• 24:03
  Kellyn Legath: I always kind of see it as this like moving away.
• 24:06
  Kellyn Legath: And.
• 24:07
  Kellyn Legath: Um, you know, we move away and, and we integrate shadow and their shame and, you know, just middle school to me is the defining point when I think back on my life, when I, when I've talked to other clients to, you know, there's this really distinct thing where we go, Oh my gosh, I need to be like everybody else.
• 24:29
  Kellyn Legath: That feels safe.
• 24:30
  Kellyn Legath: That feels comfortable.
• 24:31
  Kellyn Legath: If I'm, you know, if I'm really different, then I'm weird.
• 24:35
  Kellyn Legath: Or if I express myself, then I'm too much.
• 24:38
  Kellyn Legath: Or, and we just try to be like everyone else.
• 24:41
  Kellyn Legath: And then we, you know, some of us go through high school and then we get to college and then when we get to college or, you know, you know, at that life stage, if you didn't go to college, you sort of start to peel back again.
• 24:53
  Kellyn Legath: Right?
• 24:54
  Kellyn Legath: And you start to go back to yourself.
• 24:56
  Kellyn Legath: And I think that sort of then the journey, like the journey back is that discovery, being in that discovery.
• 25:02
  Kellyn Legath: Actually, what?
• 25:03
  Kellyn Legath: is really true to me.
• 25:05
  Kellyn Legath: Actually, what are the things that I'm interested?
• 25:08
  Kellyn Legath: And am I okay with other people not liking it or it not being the cool thing or the trendy thing?
• 25:16
  Kellyn Legath: Like, Hey, I'm just not into that.
• 25:18
  Kellyn Legath: But here's the thing I am really interested in.
• 25:20
  Kellyn Legath: And it is a journey.
• 25:22
  Kellyn Legath: And I think that's important too.
• 25:23
  Kellyn Legath: I think when people talk about, you know, authenticity is very much a buzzword and people are talking about it all the time.
• 25:29
  Kellyn Legath: And that's because it's so juicy.
• 25:31
  Kellyn Legath: It's so important.
• 25:32
  Kellyn Legath: It's, it's the root of who we are.
• 25:34
  Kellyn Legath: So when I, you know, when I think about being authentic, I just.
• 25:40
  Kellyn Legath: You know, recently had this moment of like, you know, people talk about authenticity, like, it's just like, Oh, you're just authentic now.
• 25:47
  Kellyn Legath: And it's like, no, it's a forever journey.
• 25:49
  Kellyn Legath: It's a forever journey to peel back layers of yourself and say, Hey, I like this, I don't like this, or I used to like this at some point.
• 25:57
  Kellyn Legath: And now that's not my favorite thing.
• 25:59
  Kellyn Legath: And.
• 25:59
  Kellyn Legath: Just allow yourself to kind of bloom and grow at the pace that you are.
• 26:03
  Kellyn Legath: And, and allow yourself to be, I think that's a really important part of it to allow yourself to just be and exist and, and discover.
• 26:14
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 26:14
  MaryAnn: Well, it was interesting as you brought up the word shame, I got thinking I'm, it's really important to recognize what brings you joy being brave enough to embrace it and embody it, but it's equally as important to recognize what's bringing me shame and, and to consciously release that, that.
• 26:34
  MaryAnn: That I'm choosing, I'm using that as my gut check.
• 26:37
  MaryAnn: Does this bring me shame or does this bring me joy?
• 26:40
  MaryAnn: Even if it's something as simple as decorating your home,
• 26:43
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 26:43
  MaryAnn: bring you shame decorate it in a way that's pleasing to everybody else?
• 26:47
  MaryAnn: Like, just kind of notice that.
• 26:48
  MaryAnn: And then you do to shift it into joy?
• 26:51
  MaryAnn: But using those two emotions as information to see where you are in alignment.
• 26:56
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah, and I think there's also an important aspect here where we move towards what we think that we want, right?
• 27:03
  Kellyn Legath: And, you know, we don't realize, I think a lot of people don't realize how much the external world is affecting us.
• 27:10
  Kellyn Legath: And we might follow a path and then get to the end and be like, this isn't me.
• 27:16
  Kellyn Legath: And then the shame comes right?
• 27:18
  Kellyn Legath: Like you kind of think, Hey, I'm, I am being authentic.
• 27:20
  Kellyn Legath: And then you're like, Oh, this is wrong.
• 27:22
  Kellyn Legath: This is not me at all.
• 27:24
  Kellyn Legath: Right.
• 27:25
  Kellyn Legath: And then I think that that can bring, that could bud a deep rooted shame of like, Oh my God, now I moved so far from myself, but you know, I think that's why grace and compassion in this journey of, um, inner child work and setting resolutions and moving towards yourself.
• 27:41
  Kellyn Legath: Those are the two most important emotions, because You cannot blame a child for not knowing what they didn't know, right?
• 27:50
  Kellyn Legath: You can't, you can't blame a child and say, how did you not know that?
• 27:56
  Kellyn Legath: How could you not have seen that?
• 27:57
  Kellyn Legath: How could, why didn't you do better?
• 27:59
  Kellyn Legath: Why didn't you know better?
• 28:00
  Kellyn Legath: That is just.
• 28:01
  Kellyn Legath: Even in that language and judgment of self is just so, um, crippling.
• 28:07
  Kellyn Legath: It's, it's so hard to move past that.
• 28:09
  Kellyn Legath: So just to be like, Hey, this was a learning.
• 28:11
  Kellyn Legath: Think of how we would speak to ourselves if we were, um, talking to ourselves from that lens of the inner child to be like, Hey, this You tried something and that's what we're doing on this crazy spinning rock.
• 28:24
  Kellyn Legath: You know, we're, we're trying to figure it out and there's no shame in that.
• 28:28
  Kellyn Legath: There's no shame in going down in the wrong path.
• 28:31
  Kellyn Legath: Every direction that you go in every path that you take just does get you back to yourself.
• 28:36
  Kellyn Legath: And sometimes that is about going the wrong way.
• 28:40
  MaryAnn: Yeah, so true.
• 28:40
  MaryAnn: And sometimes recognizing that, okay, well, that road was a dead end.
• 28:44
  MaryAnn: It will help us to get to where it is.
• 28:45
  MaryAnn: We want to go even faster.
• 28:46
  MaryAnn: Right?
• 28:47
  MaryAnn: And I think you're right.
• 28:48
  MaryAnn: We do guilt and shame ourselves.
• 28:49
  MaryAnn: But really, if you were trying to drive somewhere new and you took a wrong turn, wouldn't just sit in that dead end and go, well, I guess this is who I am now.
• 28:58
  MaryAnn: I'm just here stuck in this dead end.
• 29:00
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 29:02
  MaryAnn: that was a dead end.
• 29:03
  MaryAnn: What can I try now?
• 29:04
  MaryAnn: Okay.
• 29:05
  MaryAnn: I'm still learning my path to get to where it is that I want to go.
• 29:08
  MaryAnn: And that it's okay.
• 29:09
  MaryAnn: We don't have to use shame as our motivator.
• 29:12
  MaryAnn: It's okay to just let that go recognize when it's there.
• 29:15
  MaryAnn: Cause it's good information that there's some healing that needs to take place there, but that we don't have to shame ourselves into change, which is the whole point of this conversation, right?
• 29:26
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah, yeah.
• 29:27
  Kellyn Legath: And I, you know, I think I have a vision in my head just about, um, gosh, I don't know what year it was, but like on Pinterest, there was just like very popular pin that I think everyone was pinning to their, you know, inspiration boards that was just like diamonds make pressure and like, that was sort of like what I grew up with.
• 29:46
  Kellyn Legath: And, you know, In the late, I guess, early 2000s.
• 29:51
  Kellyn Legath: And I'm like, that's, that is such a fallacy.
• 29:56
  Kellyn Legath: Like we do not need to use like pressure as a good way to evolve.
• 30:04
  Kellyn Legath: You know, so many of us are so hard.
• 30:08
  Kellyn Legath: There is not a person that I know that isn't hard on their self on themselves.
• 30:12
  Kellyn Legath: Um, we're harder than ourselves than we are and anybody else in our social circles.
• 30:16
  Kellyn Legath: So to be like, Oh, pressure, just add more pressure and you'll get there.
• 30:20
  Kellyn Legath: It's like, to me, that is just like, Whoa, we veered off track here.
• 30:23
  Kellyn Legath: This is have you considered.
• 30:26
  Kellyn Legath: You know, loving yourself to change into change because hating yourself or judging yourself or pressuring yourself.
• 30:33
  Kellyn Legath: It's like that feels bad.
• 30:35
  Kellyn Legath: I can even feel my body kind of contracting when I think about it, like pressure.
• 30:39
  Kellyn Legath: It's like someone breathing down your neck being like, do it.
• 30:42
  Kellyn Legath: We'll do it.
• 30:43
  Kellyn Legath: Do it right now.
• 30:44
  Kellyn Legath: It's like, I don't like that feeling.
• 30:46
  Kellyn Legath: You know, maybe some people sure there's I'm sure there are people on the planet that do thrive under that.
• 30:51
  Kellyn Legath: Um, but.
• 30:51
  Kellyn Legath: I think for highly sensitive people, for maybe introverts, for, I think for a lot of people we're under so much stress already, why make your goals feel heavy when you can make them feel light, when you can make them feel enjoyable and you can make them feel like something you're looking forward to.
• 31:09
  Kellyn Legath: I, in my own life kind of veered off track, right?
• 31:12
  Kellyn Legath: Like I was putting so much pressure on myself, um, in my business and my goals.
• 31:16
  Kellyn Legath: And then.
• 31:17
  Kellyn Legath: I was like, I don't want to do this at all.
• 31:19
  Kellyn Legath: Everything feels like work now.
• 31:21
  Kellyn Legath: Everything feels not fun.
• 31:23
  Kellyn Legath: Even creating, even going in Canva, even talking to a camera.
• 31:27
  Kellyn Legath: Like I was like, this just.
• 31:28
  Kellyn Legath: Feels terrible.
• 31:29
  Kellyn Legath: Now that's, that's a lot of times what I think people end up doing to their goals.
• 31:34
  Kellyn Legath: They just put so much pressure on it.
• 31:37
  Kellyn Legath: Um, and make it mean like, if I don't reach this, then, you know, then I'll never amount to anything.
• 31:45
  Kellyn Legath: You know, we, we kind of tell ourselves these stories about, um, our capabilities when we're in the process of learning more about ourselves.
• 31:57
  MaryAnn: Yeah, and to see when people identify as, well, I'm someone that needs the pressure.
• 32:00
  MaryAnn: You know, I, I've talked with a lot of people where they'll straight up tell me, no, I, I procrastinate because I do better under pressure.
• 32:08
  MaryAnn: And I'm like, Hey, if you created a product that amazing, when you were so pressed for time, how much more amazing could it be?
• 32:15
  MaryAnn: If you just planned a little bit more ahead, even if you're planning like 30 minutes a day to work on this project for two weeks, instead of cramming it all into one day, like just get curious about it.
• 32:24
  MaryAnn: Try it on like speaking about child energy, try it on like you're playing dress up.
• 32:29
  MaryAnn: Okay.
• 32:29
  MaryAnn: This week, I'm going to just pretend I'm somebody else and see how it feels.
• 32:33
  MaryAnn: I'm going to explore it.
• 32:35
  MaryAnn: Different personalities.
• 32:36
  MaryAnn: I'm going to explore different ways of showing up different ways of communicating just to see what I like, because just because you've been doing everything in one way, it doesn't mean that that's the only way to do it or that it's the only way that works for you, but making it more playful about, I'm just playing dress up.
• 32:52
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah, I love that.
• 32:54
  MaryAnn: What else could I on here?
• 32:57
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 32:58
  Kellyn Legath: And that's that language you asked in the beginning of, of our conversation, like, what is it, how to, you know, how to kind of shift into that.
• 33:08
  Kellyn Legath: And it is that language, right?
• 33:09
  Kellyn Legath: Of, Oh, what might this feel like?
• 33:13
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 33:14
  Kellyn Legath: wonder, I wonder if this would work, right?
• 33:16
  Kellyn Legath: There's a wonder in the question, right?
• 33:19
  Kellyn Legath: And in that it allows you to stay in curiosity and stay in the evolution of.
• 33:25
  Kellyn Legath: Of your own self to be like, maybe I could try this, um, see if it fits and then reroute, you know, it's life to me is just about constantly rerouting and, and just shifting and, you know, I would love, I, I sort of, in a lot of ways, wish it wasn't this way, but I do think to find yourself, you've got to go down a lot of, You know, wrong paths and be like, Nope, that's not it.
• 33:49
  Kellyn Legath: Got to try something else.
• 33:50
  Kellyn Legath: Um, and it's that, it's that getting back up and trying again and trying on a different hat and trying on a different dress or whatever, um, just to allow yourself, that's a gift.
• 34:03
  Kellyn Legath: Like when I really think about that, I'm like, that's a gift of allowing yourself, um, creative expression.
• 34:09
  Kellyn Legath: And, um, that's really important through all of this.
• 34:13
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 34:14
  MaryAnn: So switching gears slightly, but still kind of along these same lines.
• 34:17
  MaryAnn: Can you speak a little bit to healing commitment wounds when we, do commitment wounds look like and how can we shift out of that?
• 34:25
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 34:27
  Kellyn Legath: Oh, commitment moons.
• 34:28
  Kellyn Legath: That's a big one.
• 34:29
  Kellyn Legath: I think when I think through the lens of the inner child, right?
• 34:33
  Kellyn Legath: You're committing to self your and committing to self doesn't need to mean, um, again, I think pressure, right?
• 34:44
  Kellyn Legath: It's about honoring, right?
• 34:47
  Kellyn Legath: Honoring where you are in the present moment.
• 34:50
  Kellyn Legath: So, you know, I think.
• 34:53
  Kellyn Legath: A lot of people struggle with their resolutions, right?
• 34:55
  Kellyn Legath: Because they don't commit to them.
• 34:57
  Kellyn Legath: They're like, yeah, this is kind of like a nice thing to do.
• 35:00
  Kellyn Legath: I guess I kind of should, even in that, even in the establishing of the goal, right?
• 35:07
  Kellyn Legath: Of setting the intention, there's a lot of work to be done, right?
• 35:11
  Kellyn Legath: Is this something that you really want?
• 35:13
  Kellyn Legath: Or is it something that's like, I guess I kind of, Maybe should and checking in with yourself even in that, right?
• 35:22
  Kellyn Legath: Because a lot of people, this was a, you know, this was a wound that I struggled with of like, yeah, it matters.
• 35:28
  Kellyn Legath: I matter.
• 35:29
  Kellyn Legath: It matters what I desire, it matters what I wanna go after.
• 35:32
  Kellyn Legath: Even if it's a silly little thing, even if it's learning to play the guitar at, you know, 38 or um, starting a business at 75, or it is for you, you know, but.
• 35:45
  Kellyn Legath: But grounding down in knowing that just because you have an interest in it, that is reason enough.
• 35:51
  Kellyn Legath: Right?
• 35:52
  Kellyn Legath: So I think even in the establishing of the goal, taking a look and being like, am I committed to this?
• 35:58
  Kellyn Legath: And I think it's worth going down the path, Marianne, of, Talking about like, what is commitment really?
• 36:05
  Kellyn Legath: Because people say like, I'm committed, but like, are you, are you committed?
• 36:10
  Kellyn Legath: Um, you know, when someone's like, Hey, we have free tickets to a concert.
• 36:16
  Kellyn Legath: And you're like, Oh, actually I committed to this.
• 36:19
  Kellyn Legath: Like, are you going to say no to all the
• 36:22
  MaryAnn: Yes.
• 36:46
  Kellyn Legath: to like, just because you're committing to something doesn't mean that it's going to be easy.
• 36:52
  Kellyn Legath: And the inner child work that to me, the way to heal that wound is being like, I know this isn't going to be easy, but I am going to be by your side.
• 37:00
  Kellyn Legath: Every step of the way, I'm going to hold your hand.
• 37:03
  Kellyn Legath: When you get frustrated, I'm going to encourage you when it feels impossible.
• 37:08
  Kellyn Legath: I'm going to let you have a pity party.
• 37:11
  Kellyn Legath: If that's what you need in this moment, right?
• 37:13
  Kellyn Legath: I'm not going to say like, knock it off, get over it.
• 37:16
  Kellyn Legath: Just move on.
• 37:16
  Kellyn Legath: Keep going.
• 37:17
  Kellyn Legath: Like, I'm not going to project at you and.
• 37:23
  Kellyn Legath: You know, demean you in any way.
• 37:25
  Kellyn Legath: I'm just going to meet you where you are and say, Hey, it's okay.
• 37:29
  Kellyn Legath: Let's what are we learning from this?
• 37:31
  Kellyn Legath: What are you feeling?
• 37:32
  Kellyn Legath: What's coming up for you?
• 37:33
  Kellyn Legath: You know, it's about meeting self and, and moving through it.
• 37:37
  Kellyn Legath: I think that's, that's a really, really essential part of it.
• 37:44
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 37:45
  MaryAnn: And that sounds so simple, but that is so profound.
• 37:48
  MaryAnn: mean, really, I think that that's where a lot of people get.
• 37:52
  MaryAnn: A little bit mixed up in their goals and why they do have those, you know,
• 37:56
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 37:57
  MaryAnn: is because they're forgetting what they're actually committing to, because if you're committing to 10, 000 steps a day, that's very different than I am committed to honoring myself.
• 38:07
  MaryAnn: And one of the ways that I do that is by walking 10, 000 steps a day to improve my health.
• 38:12
  MaryAnn: If you're committing to quitting your addiction.
• 38:15
  MaryAnn: And like, okay, yeah, I'm going to quit that addiction.
• 38:17
  MaryAnn: It's very different than I am not committed, committing to quitting my addiction, but I'm committing to honoring myself.
• 38:23
  MaryAnn: And one of the things I'm doing in order to do that is to work on that addiction.
• 38:28
  MaryAnn: It shifts that energy.
• 38:29
  MaryAnn: So I love that idea about choosing your goals, not just for the goals themselves, but choosing them through that lens of I am committing to honor my best and highest self.
• 38:40
  MaryAnn: so profound.
• 38:41
  Kellyn Legath: And it is, you know, I, I know I keep throwing compassion in, but I'm like, I want to hammer this home to anyone who's listening.
• 38:47
  Kellyn Legath: It is about being a compassionate observer.
• 38:49
  Kellyn Legath: Like your job is to, we, we say this in our, you know, in coaching, like your job is to babysit your brain.
• 38:56
  Kellyn Legath: Your job is to babysit your own self and say, Hey, I'm watching you.
• 39:01
  Kellyn Legath: What's coming up for you.
• 39:03
  Kellyn Legath: You know, and, and there's so much energy, positive energy in that.
• 39:09
  Kellyn Legath: And I think again, with, if we're talking about society and the pressure that ends up coming up, I think a lot of times.
• 39:16
  Kellyn Legath: People feel like being compassionate means you're going to let yourself off the hook, um, in the way that you're like, Hey, I want to walk 10, 000 steps and it's like, Oh, okay, well, you don't have to, it's all right.
• 39:30
  Kellyn Legath: Just don't do it if you don't want to.
• 39:31
  Kellyn Legath: And that's not the energy of it, right?
• 39:34
  Kellyn Legath: That's not what it's about.
• 39:35
  Kellyn Legath: It's about, okay.
• 39:37
  Kellyn Legath: Wait, what do you mean?
• 39:37
  Kellyn Legath: Why don't, why don't you want to today?
• 39:40
  Kellyn Legath: Oh, I feel tired.
• 39:41
  Kellyn Legath: Oh, okay.
• 39:42
  Kellyn Legath: Well, let's, let's explore that.
• 39:43
  Kellyn Legath: Let's, you know, let's dig into that a little deeper.
• 39:47
  Kellyn Legath: Is it, you know, is there a mindset shift that can kind of come in and be like, well, this is only going to take a 10 minutes.
• 39:54
  Kellyn Legath: And when you say, Hey, this is going to take 10 minutes.
• 39:56
  Kellyn Legath: You're like, Oh, I can do anything for 10 minutes.
• 39:58
  Kellyn Legath: And then all of a sudden you're ready and you're going to show up.
• 40:00
  Kellyn Legath: Right.
• 40:01
  Kellyn Legath: Um, I think a lot of people tend to like, I'm not going to be nice to myself.
• 40:08
  Kellyn Legath: Cause then I'm really not going to get anything done or I'm really not going to show up the way I want to.
• 40:12
  Kellyn Legath: And I'm really not going to meet my goals.
• 40:14
  Kellyn Legath: And that really hasn't been the case.
• 40:16
  Kellyn Legath: Um, I, I hardly ever see that be the actual case.
• 40:19
  Kellyn Legath: Right.
• 40:20
  MaryAnn: Yeah, that kind of begs the question to really get curious with yourself when you are thinking, okay, well I'm being self compassionate.
• 40:26
  MaryAnn: What does it really mean to be self compassionate?
• 40:29
  MaryAnn: What does it really mean to be nice to yourself?
• 40:32
  MaryAnn: Sometimes it might mean, okay, yeah, today you're sick.
• 40:35
  MaryAnn: You really shouldn't do 10, 000 steps today.
• 40:39
  MaryAnn: days it means, yeah, honey, I know you're really tired.
• 40:43
  MaryAnn: this is going to be so good for you.
• 40:45
  MaryAnn: that's the more self compassionate thing.
• 40:47
  MaryAnn: So really saying, okay, am I actually doing myself a service or a disservice?
• 40:51
  MaryAnn: My form of self compassion, And am I, am I helping or enabling myself?
• 40:57
  MaryAnn: I talk a lot on this podcast about, am I helping or enabling with other people?
• 41:00
  MaryAnn: But ask yourself that question when it comes to the excuses that you're making for yourself around your resolutions.
• 41:07
  MaryAnn: Is it really nice to yourself and is it really self compassionate let yourself off the hook today?
• 41:13
  MaryAnn: It may or it may not be, but get honest with yourself about, am I helping or enabling?
• 41:18
  MaryAnn: Because your brain is going to want to say, Oh yeah, of course it's easy.
• 41:21
  MaryAnn: We want to hit the easy button and say, yeah, it's easier to just not do this thing, to love yourself enough to say, yeah, I know you don't really want to, and you're going to feel so much better after you do.
• 41:31
  Kellyn Legath: Totally, totally.
• 41:32
  Kellyn Legath: And I, you know, I've, I've had that pattern for sure, where I'm like sick on the couch and I'm like, no, I should go.
• 41:39
  Kellyn Legath: I should go for a run today.
• 41:40
  Kellyn Legath: And I'm like, why are you doing that?
• 41:43
  Kellyn Legath: Why do you feel like you should?
• 41:45
  Kellyn Legath: Again, it's like, Checking in with your why it's like, you know, do I want to because I know that it's going to make me feel better or do I want to because there's some kind of pressure in the back of my head being like, if you don't do this, you know, then you're going to be fat and lazy or then you're never going to do it and you're never going to accomplish it.
• 42:03
  Kellyn Legath: Like, is there.
• 42:05
  Kellyn Legath: You know, I always think of it as just like the most annoying person you can think of in the back of your mind being like, is there someone nagging at you being like, you have to, you have to, and if you don't, you're never going to amount to anything like that harsh inner critic.
• 42:17
  Kellyn Legath: If you struggle with a harsh inner critic, I think that's the kind of sneaky thought that comes in and tells you, you know, you have to do this.
• 42:25
  Kellyn Legath: Um, and I love what you're saying about really checking in and being like, hold on, is this serving me?
• 42:33
  Kellyn Legath: Is this serving me in this moment?
• 42:34
  Kellyn Legath: And can I wait two more days until I feel better?
• 42:37
  Kellyn Legath: And then I can get back on track, right?
• 42:39
  Kellyn Legath: Like, why would you want to operate from this place of, Just, just not feeling good, right?
• 42:48
  Kellyn Legath: Like I keep going back to pressure.
• 42:50
  Kellyn Legath: I think that's so relevant in this, in this whole conversation of kids.
• 42:55
  Kellyn Legath: I don't want to be under pressure.
• 42:56
  Kellyn Legath: Your child doesn't want to feel backed into a corner that brings up more fear that brings up more intensity and more, you know, pull back.
• 43:04
  Kellyn Legath: Um, and, and this is about openness.
• 43:06
  Kellyn Legath: This is about, um, you know, following.
• 43:10
  Kellyn Legath: Following your truth and honoring yourself.
• 43:13
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 43:14
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 43:14
  MaryAnn: And I want to speak more about that pressure and how to shift that pressure to permission.
• 43:19
  MaryAnn: But first I want to kind of explore like, what are some of the emotions of the inner child and how can those emotions help us to shift from that pressure to permission?
• 43:29
  MaryAnn: let's just kind of hear some, what are some emotions come from that inner child?
• 43:33
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 43:35
  Kellyn Legath: know, it's a few that we mentioned of curious, curious, of course, curiosity, right?
• 43:39
  Kellyn Legath: Curiosity.
• 43:41
  Kellyn Legath: I just, I cannot say enough things about curiosity and how it is, how important it is to have it in your life, in your relationships, in your relationship to yourself.
• 43:51
  Kellyn Legath: Um, and curiosity sounds a lot like that.
• 43:55
  Kellyn Legath: I wonder if I would like that.
• 43:57
  Kellyn Legath: Right.
• 43:57
  Kellyn Legath: That's kind of how to integrate it.
• 44:00
  Kellyn Legath: I wonder if that would be fun.
• 44:01
  Kellyn Legath: I wonder if, you know, if I'm, if I would like class pass, I wonder if I would like going to yoga.
• 44:08
  Kellyn Legath: I wonder if I would enjoy meet friends at pickleball.
• 44:11
  Kellyn Legath: Like that sort of, um, Rooting down impossibility, I think, is a huge thing.
• 44:18
  Kellyn Legath: Um, delight.
• 44:20
  Kellyn Legath: And I think as adults, we really, really lose delight, um, tapping into that energy.
• 44:26
  Kellyn Legath: And delight, to me, is just about, I'm doing it because I want to.
• 44:32
  Kellyn Legath: Period.
• 44:33
  Kellyn Legath: And how often do we do that as adults?
• 44:36
  Kellyn Legath: Right?
• 44:36
  Kellyn Legath: Where we say, I'm just going to do it.
• 44:39
  Kellyn Legath: Cause I feel like it, I don't think for most of us, it's a lot.
• 44:43
  Kellyn Legath: Right.
• 44:43
  Kellyn Legath: Um, I live, you know, I live in Santa Monica and I so often go past the pier and there have been so many times where I walk past the pier and I'm like, I should just go on the roller coaster.
• 44:54
  Kellyn Legath: She's like, just on a random Tuesday at four o'clock, you know, when I'm going for my afternoon walk, I'm like, it'll take 15 minutes and my friends are always like, why do you want to do that?
• 45:03
  Kellyn Legath: I'm like, I don't know, because it's fun and it's silly.
• 45:05
  Kellyn Legath: And it like delights me.
• 45:07
  MaryAnn: not?
• 45:07
  Kellyn Legath: And why not?
• 45:08
  Kellyn Legath: Exactly.
• 45:09
  Kellyn Legath: And why not?
• 45:10
  Kellyn Legath: And I think that's the energy.
• 45:11
  Kellyn Legath: Why not?
• 45:12
  Kellyn Legath: Why don't you?
• 45:13
  Kellyn Legath: Why don't you go jump in the ocean?
• 45:15
  Kellyn Legath: You know, why don't you go outside and make a snowman or, or like, whatever it is, depending on where you are in the planet and in the US, but, you know, why not is such a good question to ask your inner child, you know?
• 45:29
  Kellyn Legath: Oh, because and then we go like, then the adult self comes back up, right?
• 45:32
  Kellyn Legath: Oh, that's so silly.
• 45:35
  Kellyn Legath: What's the point?
• 45:35
  Kellyn Legath: There's not enough time.
• 45:36
  Kellyn Legath: We shouldn't do that.
• 45:38
  Kellyn Legath: If there's other stuff to do, there's always going to be other stuff to do, right?
• 45:41
  MaryAnn: yeah,
• 45:42
  Kellyn Legath: There's never going to be enough time, but it's like, I don't know.
• 45:45
  Kellyn Legath: Check in with yourself.
• 45:46
  Kellyn Legath: Does the taking 15 minutes out of your day to go ride a roller coaster and scream your head off.
• 45:51
  Kellyn Legath: To me, that gives me a lot, that brings like a lot of value to my life.
• 45:55
  Kellyn Legath: Um, you know, I just think it's worth, it's really worth exploring that, that delight.
• 46:02
  Kellyn Legath: Um, um, I mentioned curiosity.
• 46:06
  Kellyn Legath: I mentioned delight.
• 46:07
  Kellyn Legath: I think, you know, I explored.
• 46:12
  Kellyn Legath: There's a lot about expression that I think comes to the surface when I think of the inner child.
• 46:18
  Kellyn Legath: Like, do you really feel expressive?
• 46:20
  Kellyn Legath: The way you were talking about decorating, that is such a, a way to like, when you think, Oh, I'm going to put this up here because it represents me, or I'm going to wear this necklace because it represents this story and this connection.
• 46:35
  Kellyn Legath: It's like you're being expressive in that moment.
• 46:39
  Kellyn Legath: Um, and, and I think that's.
• 46:42
  Kellyn Legath: That's just so unbelievably important as you move through.
• 46:45
  Kellyn Legath: Okay, are there any that, that you think of, like any emotions that you can tune into that you think of?
• 46:51
  MaryAnn: Yeah, well, I've been thinking as you've been talking, and I've also been making a list of the ones that you've been saying.
• 46:55
  MaryAnn: So here's my mini list is curiosity, playful delight.
• 47:00
  MaryAnn: Joy, excitement, wonder, awe, spontaneity.
• 47:05
  MaryAnn: You kind of spoke with that about the roller expressive.
• 47:09
  MaryAnn: I will be honest with you, Kellyn, after you and I kind of explored the idea of doing this episode, I felt so inspired.
• 47:14
  MaryAnn: And I even told my kids, I'm like, all right, one of my resolutions now is to make our house more fun.
• 47:19
  Kellyn Legath: Hmm.
• 47:20
  MaryAnn: Let's just explore what that might look like.
• 47:22
  MaryAnn: Like maybe we want to do a once a month craft night with girlfriends, or maybe we want to, you know, like what, what's it going to be like, what are we going to do?
• 47:29
  MaryAnn: But maybe consider making that one of your goals is to, I'm going to do something spontaneous, right?
• 47:36
  MaryAnn: It's kind of hard to like plan spontaneity,
• 47:38
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 47:39
  MaryAnn: when you experience.
• 47:40
  MaryAnn: Like what came to mind was I remember one day I was shopping with my kids and we're leaving the store and everybody's huddled up right by the cart corral inside because it's just a downpour outside.
• 47:50
  MaryAnn: No one's the store because nobody wants to be in the downpour.
• 47:54
  MaryAnn: And I'm like, you guys wanna, you know, and they're
• 47:57
  Kellyn Legath: do it.
• 47:57
  Kellyn Legath: Let's do it.
• 47:58
  MaryAnn: Okay.
• 47:58
  MaryAnn: I'll pick you up.
• 47:59
  MaryAnn: So I like booked it with my cart, ran through the parking lot, went and got the car and came and picked him up.
• 48:05
  MaryAnn: But it was me and one other dude running through the parking lot, jumping through the puddles, just enjoying the rain.
• 48:11
  MaryAnn: it's such a little thing, but being willing to step out of the norm and be like, you know what?
• 48:15
  MaryAnn: It does sound kind of fun to just run through a puddle.
• 48:18
  MaryAnn: I haven't done that in so long.
• 48:19
  MaryAnn: And I'm just going to let myself.
• 48:21
  MaryAnn: Jump in a puddle,
• 48:23
  Kellyn Legath: Totally.
• 48:24
  MaryAnn: but waiting and seeking those opportunities.
• 48:27
  MaryAnn: And, and again, that bravery, I'm going to add bravery to it
• 48:30
  Kellyn Legath: Bravery is such a good one.
• 48:31
  Kellyn Legath: Oh, such a, that's a really, really important one.
• 48:34
  Kellyn Legath: That's so important because
• 48:36
  MaryAnn: call it bravery or call it that you don't care, but they do the thing.
• 48:40
  Kellyn Legath: right, right.
• 48:41
  Kellyn Legath: They, they, you know, it's not without fear, right.
• 48:46
  Kellyn Legath: That we move through difficult things.
• 48:48
  Kellyn Legath: And I think, um, when we think about the inner child, you know, it can, it can be just like, it's not just about, and I think silliness, silliness might also be one, depending on, you know, who you are, but I, You know, I don't think I think the reality is that there are things that are scary.
• 49:06
  Kellyn Legath: This isn't about like taking pulling out tough emotions, you know, it's about honoring the tough emotions about on.
• 49:14
  Kellyn Legath: It's like, again, I'm going to use the example of like, I'm going to hold your hand as you move through fear, right?
• 49:21
  Kellyn Legath: I'm going to support you when you're like, I'm afraid to jump off this cliff into this watering hole.
• 49:26
  Kellyn Legath: Like, You're like, yeah, it's okay.
• 49:28
  Kellyn Legath: I'm here.
• 49:29
  Kellyn Legath: And I'm going to keep, you know, I'm going to help you feel safe.
• 49:32
  Kellyn Legath: Let you know that I'm watching from the rocks and I'm going to, you know, I'm going to support you.
• 49:36
  Kellyn Legath: And I think, um, that's just a, it's just really relevant to, to consider.
• 49:43
  MaryAnn: Well, and I love that you said the word holding, because I think we have grown a lot as a society at holding space for the negative emotions and giving ourselves permission to experience the negative.
• 49:54
  MaryAnn: And we think because we are wearing a mask and pretending everything is okay, that we're holding space for joy.
• 50:01
  MaryAnn: But I don't think we are.
• 50:03
  MaryAnn: that we're Really good at holding space for the negative, or at least getting better.
• 50:07
  MaryAnn: But what would it look like if we intentionally held space for joy, for spontaneity, for bravery?
• 50:13
  MaryAnn: If we intentionally thought, you know what, today I'm just going to sit with that joyful emotion and allow space for it see what happens.
• 50:22
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 50:23
  MaryAnn: that again, creates that curiosity, right?
• 50:25
  MaryAnn: Like what would it be like to fully embody joy?
• 50:28
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 50:28
  MaryAnn: What would it look like?
• 50:29
  MaryAnn: Maybe it's not as scary as we think.
• 50:31
  MaryAnn: Good.
• 50:31
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 50:32
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 50:32
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 50:32
  Kellyn Legath: I think what I just tuned into also is the creating space.
• 50:38
  Kellyn Legath: To allow yourself, um, this to be in this energy, you have to create space.
• 50:45
  Kellyn Legath: Right.
• 50:45
  Kellyn Legath: And again, this goes back to like being an adult and we have a to do list and I have to do this and I have to do that.
• 50:51
  Kellyn Legath: And I can't tell you how many times I've made a to do list.
• 50:54
  Kellyn Legath: I wrote down all this stuff and I was like, I actually don't have to do any of that.
• 50:58
  Kellyn Legath: That's really not the most important thing for my life today.
• 51:01
  Kellyn Legath: What's really important is that I make sure that I'm feeling good and that I make sure I'm moving my body and that I'm nourished and that I'm cared for and that I'm attuned to myself.
• 51:10
  Kellyn Legath: Right.
• 51:11
  Kellyn Legath: Organizing my mail drawer is like not a priority.
• 51:13
  Kellyn Legath: I should just probably throw all that stuff away.
• 51:16
  Kellyn Legath: know what I mean?
• 51:17
  Kellyn Legath: Like we, we, sometimes I, I see this a lot in, Older adults that, that they're just like creating projects for themselves, like creating work.
• 51:29
  Kellyn Legath: And I'm always like, do you really need to do that?
• 51:31
  Kellyn Legath: I can appreciate, you know, taking care of things and, um, you know, doing the things that we have to adulting, right.
• 51:39
  Kellyn Legath: Doing the adulting things.
• 51:41
  Kellyn Legath: But at some level there is, Work that we create for ourselves that it's like, you don't have to do that.
• 51:47
  Kellyn Legath: You know what, it would just be so much better to go outside and run in the rainstorm or dance in the rainstorm.
• 51:54
  MaryAnn: Yes.
• 51:54
  MaryAnn: And that speaks to me so loudly right now because the home we moved into, and I know I've talked about it here, was the home of an OCD hoarder.
• 52:01
  MaryAnn: And that's all I could see looking around the house was all of the unnecessary work
• 52:06
  Kellyn Legath: Mm mm
• 52:07
  MaryAnn: it did really rob her of her joy, you know, it, it kind of zapped her.
• 52:12
  MaryAnn: And, and I think that a lot of those things give us a sense of control.
• 52:17
  MaryAnn: And sometimes we mistake everything being in our control.
• 52:19
  MaryAnn: We mistake that for something that brings us joy.
• 52:22
  Kellyn Legath: Totally.
• 52:24
  MaryAnn: But is it really?
• 52:26
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 52:27
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 52:27
  Kellyn Legath: And sitting in that space and I mean, what was that experience for you as you're like looking around the house, like, oh my God, I should take care of this and we should do that and
• 52:36
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 52:37
  MaryAnn: overwhelm.
• 52:38
  MaryAnn: I mean, I could see how, I mean, this is just side notes, probably all too personal stuff, but yeah, I could see why this family member experienced so much, so much anxiety.
• 52:48
  MaryAnn: I mean, and it was, and yes, she had a lot of mental health issues, but it was interesting to see how she knew if we came to help her out with something and set something down, she'd know if it was a quarter inch off.
• 52:58
  MaryAnn: all of the energy was invested into controlling the situation versus just being present, enjoying life.
• 53:05
  MaryAnn: And, and so, yeah, so that's really interesting to just think on the idea that I think that our adult mind thinks we must control the situation, but that kind of, it's an opposition to that childlike joy having a little bit of chaos and playfulness and spontaneity and fun, is kind of messy.
• 53:23
  MaryAnn: Glitter gets everywhere.
• 53:27
  MaryAnn: To embrace that part, that it's okay and like you said, making space for it, knowing that this is a part of it.
• 53:32
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna add two more emotions to the list, but based on what you just said, which is, um, present and unburdened.
• 53:40
  Kellyn Legath: I think when you think about a child, think about how present they are.
• 53:43
  Kellyn Legath: They're like, you're like, okay, we have 15 minutes and then we got to go home.
• 53:47
  Kellyn Legath: And they're like, okay.
• 53:48
  Kellyn Legath: I'm in.
• 53:49
  Kellyn Legath: I'm not thinking of the clock.
• 53:50
  Kellyn Legath: I'm, I'm tuned into this caterpillar on this, on this rock.
• 53:55
  Kellyn Legath: They're just like there and in the moment and they are present and they're, they're not thinking about, Oh God, tomorrow's Monday.
• 54:01
  Kellyn Legath: And what do I have to do for work?
• 54:02
  Kellyn Legath: And then I got to do laundry.
• 54:04
  Kellyn Legath: And like, they are not creating to do lists in their mind.
• 54:07
  Kellyn Legath: Right.
• 54:07
  Kellyn Legath: They're exploring.
• 54:09
  Kellyn Legath: They're like, Sure.
• 54:10
  Kellyn Legath: They're, they're going to be thinking of like, Oh, when can I play a video game or whatever?
• 54:13
  Kellyn Legath: But, but there's, you know, and then the unburdened part, right?
• 54:18
  Kellyn Legath: Think about how many burdens, even if you, anyone listening just could take a minute right now to be like, how many things just feel like such a burden in your life.
• 54:29
  Kellyn Legath: Kids.
• 54:30
  MaryAnn: Can you speak more to that?
• 54:31
  MaryAnn: Because so many people, pleasers listen to this
• 54:33
  Kellyn Legath: Oh, yes.
• 54:34
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 54:35
  MaryAnn: they opt into not only their own burdens, but everybody else's.
• 54:39
  MaryAnn: So can you speak a little bit more to that about how do you unburden yourself and, and how does that oppose your childlike energy?
• 54:46
  Kellyn Legath: know, I think it goes back to exactly what we said, which is like checking in with yourself.
• 54:52
  Kellyn Legath: Do I like the reason that I'm doing this, you know, in, in the sense of like, oh, she asked me to do this thing.
• 55:00
  Kellyn Legath: She wants me to run a 4k with her 5k with her 4k.
• 55:04
  Kellyn Legath: I'm obviously not a runner.
• 55:07
  MaryAnn: Some of us, that's all we want to do
• 55:08
  Kellyn Legath: Some of I just don't want to do, I do not want to run, but see, like my inner child does not want to run.
• 55:16
  Kellyn Legath: Um, but I, that's so funny.
• 55:19
  Kellyn Legath: I, you know, someone's like, oh, I really want you to do this with me.
• 55:24
  Kellyn Legath: And people get into the trap of like, oh, well, I want to make them feel good.
• 55:28
  Kellyn Legath: Right.
• 55:28
  Kellyn Legath: I don't want them to have to do it alone.
• 55:30
  Kellyn Legath: And then.
• 55:31
  Kellyn Legath: You're thinking, you're thinking so much into another person's experience.
• 55:34
  Kellyn Legath: And I think to me, that's the key, right?
• 55:36
  Kellyn Legath: You're thinking, well, if I don't do it with them, then they're not going to do it.
• 55:39
  Kellyn Legath: And I want them to fulfill what, you know, what their desires are.
• 55:44
  Kellyn Legath: So you're, you're showing up and helping them to do that, which, you know, you've talked on your podcast before.
• 55:50
  Kellyn Legath: It is a beautiful, loving thing to do, but at what cost?
• 55:54
  Kellyn Legath: Like at, at what cost are you like, this is a burden.
• 55:59
  Kellyn Legath: I'm not, I can't do this anymore.
• 56:01
  Kellyn Legath: Right.
• 56:02
  Kellyn Legath: Um, where is it sort of pulling from my life and, and where am I kind of giving more than I'm receiving or, or where am I creating resentment, right?
• 56:13
  Kellyn Legath: The resentment's huge in this.
• 56:15
  Kellyn Legath: Um, and, and just to be.
• 56:21
  Kellyn Legath: You know, I think at the root of it all, it's just like, you can't take life so seriously and I get in this, I am always in the trap of like, Oh, this feels really serious and this feels really heavy.
• 56:30
  Kellyn Legath: And, um, you know, I, I just think of a kid being like, so what, who cares?
• 56:36
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 56:39
  MaryAnn: when we started exploring the idea of this episode, you said something that I thought sounded like a lot of fun, and I think it would really just kind of tie up episode beautifully.
• 56:47
  MaryAnn: But you talked about writing a love letter to your inner child.
• 56:51
  MaryAnn: Can you share more about that idea?
• 56:52
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 56:58
  Kellyn Legath: and it just, as soon as I saw it, I was like, I need to do this.
• 57:02
  Kellyn Legath: I need to write a love letter to my inner child.
• 57:04
  Kellyn Legath: And you know, I, I had personally, I had a pretty difficult year and I was really thinking about the changes that I wanted to make.
• 57:12
  Kellyn Legath: And, um, I've been doing a lot of deep inner child work.
• 57:15
  Kellyn Legath: And I think in the uprooting of all that, I'm like, We are not supposed to live this way.
• 57:20
  Kellyn Legath: We are not supposed to live in pressure and frustration and disappointment and, um, just working tirelessly.
• 57:32
  Kellyn Legath: And I was like, this is just, this is, it just feels so out of alignment with what we were sent on this planet to do.
• 57:41
  Kellyn Legath: Just to exist and, um, to support each other and to laugh and to sit in the sun and to do all these things.
• 57:48
  Kellyn Legath: So, you know, writing a letter.
• 57:51
  Kellyn Legath: And committing your year, committing your 2025, um, you know, I was calling it the, like a love, make 2025 a love letter to your inner child.
• 57:59
  Kellyn Legath: When I think about doing that.
• 58:01
  MaryAnn: a love letter.
• 58:02
  MaryAnn: That's right.
• 58:03
  MaryAnn: I misheard it.
• 58:04
  Kellyn Legath: No, no, no.
• 58:05
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 58:06
  MaryAnn: love letter to yourself.
• 58:07
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 58:08
  Kellyn Legath: You know, so much of it is, is about writing is about the commitment part of it.
• 58:13
  Kellyn Legath: Like, Hey, I'm committed to you.
• 58:16
  Kellyn Legath: I am committed.
• 58:17
  Kellyn Legath: And first and foremost, um, you know, it's about being like, I love you unconditionally.
• 58:25
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 58:26
  Kellyn Legath: think that to me at the root of all of this is, is where, um, the energy lies.
• 58:33
  Kellyn Legath: I love you.
• 58:34
  Kellyn Legath: I am totally in awe of you.
• 58:37
  Kellyn Legath: I'm inspired by you.
• 58:38
  Kellyn Legath: It's about reflecting back to yourself and saying like, so here's what this is going to look like.
• 58:45
  Kellyn Legath: I'm dedicating this year to you and making This year be a reflection of how much I truly do love you.
• 58:55
  Kellyn Legath: And I heard something on a podcast the other day, somebody said, love is not a feeling it's a way of being.
• 59:02
  Kellyn Legath: And to me, when I heard that, I was like, how would a person showing up in love?
• 59:11
  Kellyn Legath: They would act like, Hey, I'm attuned to you.
• 59:14
  Kellyn Legath: I'm making sure that you're nourished and I'm making sure that you're processing through your emotions and I'm making sure that you're finding little pieces in your day, in your year, um,
• 59:28
  MaryAnn: Okay.
• 59:42
  Kellyn Legath: as you, as I did the practice, it was really about a lot of affirmation.
• 59:49
  Kellyn Legath: I care about you.
• 59:50
  Kellyn Legath: I'm here for you.
• 59:52
  Kellyn Legath: You are.
• 59:53
  Kellyn Legath: A bright, interesting person.
• 59:55
  Kellyn Legath: You are capable, you know, so a lot of, of esteeming the self and then say, and then tuning into the imagination of this year is going to be all about you.
• 1:00:07
  Kellyn Legath: This is about what, what your, um, what makes you feel excited?
• 1:00:14
  Kellyn Legath: What makes you feel curious?
• 1:00:15
  Kellyn Legath: I'm going to.
• 1:00:16
  Kellyn Legath: I'm going to you lead.
• 1:00:17
  Kellyn Legath: I'm going to follow right.
• 1:00:18
  Kellyn Legath: You want to go have a picnic in the park.
• 1:00:20
  Kellyn Legath: You pick the park.
• 1:00:21
  Kellyn Legath: I'll bring the supplies.
• 1:00:22
  Kellyn Legath: You want to learn to play guitar.
• 1:00:24
  Kellyn Legath: I'll get the guitar, you know, like, and again, it's I don't think it's about just like picking up a Picking up a hobby and dropping a hobby, right?
• 1:00:33
  Kellyn Legath: It's about attunement at the end of the day.
• 1:00:35
  Kellyn Legath: It's about loving and cherishing and honoring and attunement.
• 1:00:39
  Kellyn Legath: So,
• 1:00:39
  MaryAnn: the, the, the,
• 1:00:41
  Kellyn Legath: it, it was such a beautiful practice.
• 1:00:42
  Kellyn Legath: Honestly, I could not recommend it more.
• 1:00:45
  Kellyn Legath: Um, I don't know if you've done it since we talked, it was only a few days ago, but, um, was such a heart opening
• 1:00:52
  MaryAnn: which is a
• 1:00:54
  Kellyn Legath: kind of check in and say.
• 1:00:56
  Kellyn Legath: what was, what is this going to look like if I get to the end of 2025?
• 1:01:01
  Kellyn Legath: And I look back at this letter and, um, just say, Hey, yeah, I did that.
• 1:01:06
  Kellyn Legath: I did that for you.
• 1:01:07
  Kellyn Legath: I took care of you.
• 1:01:08
  Kellyn Legath: And, and I, um, you know, I made sure you're my first priority, right?
• 1:01:14
  Kellyn Legath: Your, your wellbeing is my first priority.
• 1:01:18
  Kellyn Legath: Um, and I want to continue to encourage you to build the life that you want, right?
• 1:01:26
  Kellyn Legath: When you think about.
• 1:01:28
  Kellyn Legath: Kids, they are filled with possibility, right?
• 1:01:32
  Kellyn Legath: So to me, it's like, um, allowing yourself to stay in that energy of possibility and to stay in the energy of, um, learning and change and evolution in a way that's nurturing.
• 1:01:48
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 1:01:49
  MaryAnn: Well, and I think that just that idea of making 2025 a love letter to yourself, it completely shifts the energy, right?
• 1:01:55
  MaryAnn: It's so different that it's the difference between hating yourself thin and loving yourself healthy.
• 1:02:01
  Kellyn Legath: Totally.
• 1:02:02
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 1:02:03
  MaryAnn: and when you talked about just really reflecting back to yourself, the love, no, this year is dedicated to.
• 1:02:08
  MaryAnn: You and that love is not a feeling.
• 1:02:11
  MaryAnn: It's a way of being and how was, I'm just going to read some of the questions because I thought that was so good, but thinking on love is not a feeling.
• 1:02:18
  MaryAnn: It's a way of being.
• 1:02:19
  MaryAnn: And this year being the year of love for yourself, how would a person show up and, and act through that love for self and really asking yourself, how can I love affirm and nurture myself best this year?
• 1:02:35
  MaryAnn: It does do exactly what you talked about in the beginning.
• 1:02:37
  MaryAnn: It starts with that softening, the year off soft, starting it off, nurturing, into your, your feminine energy
• 1:02:45
  Kellyn Legath: Mm hmm.
• 1:02:47
  MaryAnn: and loving self so that you can have that safe space created by you to experience that joy, that playfulness.
• 1:02:56
  MaryAnn: You have to feel safe to feel playful, to do that for yourself through that love and that nurturing.
• 1:03:03
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 1:03:03
  MaryAnn: I just love That's just beautiful.
• 1:03:05
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 1:03:05
  Kellyn Legath: know, I love, I know that we're wrapping up, I do have to just say, you know, it's really, I love that you called out the feminine energy of it.
• 1:03:12
  Kellyn Legath: I think when I wrote my letter, I really just had, I really couldn't put my finger on it and it's exactly, it's exactly that.
• 1:03:20
  Kellyn Legath: It's nurturing.
• 1:03:21
  Kellyn Legath: I, I was like, Oh, this feels very.
• 1:03:25
  Kellyn Legath: There's some, there's a really deep feminine energy behind it.
• 1:03:28
  Kellyn Legath: That's a caretaker, right?
• 1:03:31
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 1:03:40
  Kellyn Legath: turn on a little bit, you know, in my internal world and, um, there's a softness to that and, and that's really beautiful, you know, starting the year off soft is, is, is the motto.
• 1:03:51
  Kellyn Legath: So, so just moving towards that.
• 1:03:53
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 1:03:54
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 1:03:55
  MaryAnn: Awesome.
• 1:03:55
  MaryAnn: Well, thank you And yeah, is there anything else you want to share in closing?
• 1:03:58
  MaryAnn: No.
• 1:04:03
  Kellyn Legath: I love this.
• 1:04:04
  Kellyn Legath: Um, you know, I think the biggest thing to, to just close out with is just reminding people that.
• 1:04:11
  Kellyn Legath: It's okay to be a beginner and, you know, I've, I've said that in many instances in a bit, in a, in a smaller sense, but when I zoom out, I'm like, we are beginners every single day, every single day is a, is a new beginning, how we respond and react to situations, how we look at our resolutions.
• 1:04:30
  Kellyn Legath: Like you are a first time human.
• 1:04:34
  Kellyn Legath: And I think.
• 1:04:36
  Kellyn Legath: When we think about a child, we give them so much more grace.
• 1:04:40
  Kellyn Legath: And I think if you can just give yourself grace in this process of, um, you know, going after your dream, it is about kind of going after creating a life that you're excited about and creating a dream life.
• 1:04:52
  Kellyn Legath: And, and like you said, you know, you can't get there by hating yourself.
• 1:04:56
  Kellyn Legath: You just have to like, love yourself and, and nurture yourself and give yourself grace through it and let yourself begin and just be on the journey.
• 1:05:05
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 1:05:06
  MaryAnn: I love that.
• 1:05:07
  MaryAnn: They were all first time humans.
• 1:05:09
  MaryAnn: And yeah.
• 1:05:10
  MaryAnn: And that's bringing it back to that childlike energy.
• 1:05:13
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 1:05:13
  MaryAnn: Kids are all beginners.
• 1:05:15
  MaryAnn: to be willing to be a beginner is a childlike attribute.
• 1:05:19
  MaryAnn: going to try something new.
• 1:05:20
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 1:05:21
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 1:05:21
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah, really.
• 1:05:22
  Kellyn Legath: I, I, you know, I, I have in the back of my mind and experience that I had this year where I was on the phone with my coach and I was so in despair, I was like crying and I was, I was just like having a hard time and she, she was, um, she'd sent me a voice memo and she, her, she had just had a baby and the baby was in the background and he was, I could hear him crying and she's like, it's so funny.
• 1:05:43
  Kellyn Legath: He's getting really frustrated.
• 1:05:45
  Kellyn Legath: Cause he can't lift his head up.
• 1:05:46
  Kellyn Legath: Like the muscle's not strong enough.
• 1:05:48
  Kellyn Legath: And it was just like such a mirrored experience.
• 1:05:50
  Kellyn Legath: And I was like, Oh, I was like, I'm doing that to myself, right?
• 1:05:55
  Kellyn Legath: I'm getting frustrated with myself because I'm not further along.
• 1:05:59
  Kellyn Legath: And I'm like, but I'm just strengthening a muscle, you know?
• 1:06:02
  Kellyn Legath: And then heard, I laughed and I was like, you didn't know you had two babies.
• 1:06:06
  Kellyn Legath: I'm like, I'm the biggest baby there is.
• 1:06:08
  MaryAnn: much.
• 1:06:09
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 1:06:09
  Kellyn Legath: But it was, it was,
• 1:06:10
  MaryAnn: that haven't strengthened that muscle yet.
• 1:06:14
  Kellyn Legath: yeah, yeah.
• 1:06:15
  Kellyn Legath: You're just learning.
• 1:06:16
  Kellyn Legath: You're just be like, I've never done this before.
• 1:06:18
  Kellyn Legath: So why was I putting so much pressure on myself and being like, I'm You know, I'm, I basically the way I was looking at what I was trying to accomplish was like, you should be able to run by now, you know, and I'm like, well, I haven't even lifted my head yet.
• 1:06:31
  Kellyn Legath: It's like, you love to let yourself lift your head.
• 1:06:32
  Kellyn Legath: You have to let yourself learn to walk.
• 1:06:34
  Kellyn Legath: You have to let yourself wobble and fall and then get back up again.
• 1:06:37
  Kellyn Legath: And, and that's the process of all of this.
• 1:06:39
  Kellyn Legath: Um, and that's, to me, that's what Setting a resolution is right.
• 1:06:44
  MaryAnn: Yeah.
• 1:06:45
  Kellyn Legath: Getting back up, getting back up and doing it again and again.
• 1:06:48
  Kellyn Legath: Yeah.
• 1:06:49
  MaryAnn: I love it.
• 1:06:49
  MaryAnn: That is so beautiful.
• 1:06:50
  MaryAnn: So Kellyn, tell they can find you.
• 1:06:52
  Kellyn Legath: Um, you can find me at daydreamercoaching.
• 1:06:54
  Kellyn Legath: com.
• 1:06:55
  Kellyn Legath: I'm also on Instagram at daydreamercoaching.
• 1:06:59
  Kellyn Legath: Um, and I've been on Tik TOK as well.
• 1:07:01
  Kellyn Legath: And that name is actually emotionally Kellyn.
• 1:07:03
  Kellyn Legath: So a little bit of a different name, but you can find me on there chatting about all this stuff also.
• 1:07:09
  MaryAnn: Awesome.
• 1:07:09
  MaryAnn: Well, thank you for being here everybody listening.
• 1:07:13
  MaryAnn: We're talking about goals for the entire month of January.
• 1:07:16
  MaryAnn: So make sure you're subscribed so you can get support around your goals and yeah, do something spontaneous this week.
• 1:07:21
  MaryAnn: Just have fun.
• 1:07:22
  MaryAnn: Ride the roller coaster, jump in the puddle, go sledding.
• 1:07:26
  MaryAnn: something fun and spontaneous and practice holding space for your joy, I think would be my final thought is, yeah, just be a little bit more intentional about that playful childlike energy.
• 1:07:38
  Kellyn Legath: I love it.
• 1:07:38
  Kellyn Legath: So good.
• 1:07:39
  Kellyn Legath: Thank you so much.
• 1:07:41
  MaryAnn: All right.
• 1:07:41
  MaryAnn: Well, thank you so much for being here, everybody.
• 1:07:43
  MaryAnn: I'll see you next week.
• 1:07:44
  MaryAnn: Bye.