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Challenges of Parenting Teenagers · Long Haul Marriage Roadcast

• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: Do you say okay, hello?
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: Hello?
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: What do you say?
• 0:29
  Speaker 4: Hello?
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: Hello? We are rolling rolling?
• 0:33
  Speaker 5: Okay, we're getting in some hack time today.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Yes, who are those other voices? We hear everybody.
• 0:38
  Speaker 6: We have Blake and Adrena Maybury on the podcast with
• 0:42
  Speaker 6: us today, So happy. Hey, Blake and Adrena are not
• 0:45
  Speaker 6: only board members, they are some of our best friends.
• 0:49
  Speaker 6: As a matter of fact, you guys, there's my Hackney
• 0:52
  Speaker 6: five in my speed dial, my favorites on my iPhone,
• 0:55
  Speaker 6: and then there's like four other people besides our significant
• 0:59
  Speaker 6: others for our kids, and y'all are two of the four.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: Ohaps.
• 1:02
  Speaker 6: Absolutely, And I mean that I could pull out my
• 1:04
  Speaker 6: phone or show you so well.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: You're not the same for us.
• 1:06
  Speaker 5: I mean we go back to well back in North
• 1:09
  Speaker 5: Richland Hills and we sat on your couch back when
• 1:13
  Speaker 5: you had a CORGI.
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: Yeah it's no longer with us.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but that was a while ago.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: So you did our Thanks for bringing that up with us.
• 1:26
  Speaker 6: Are you gonna tell tell how he passed and how
• 1:29
  Speaker 6: I buried him? I actually buried that dog in our backyard.
• 1:33
  Speaker 6: I love Coda and he was my little buddy. He would,
• 1:35
  Speaker 6: you know, follow the kids under the trampoline and then
• 1:37
  Speaker 6: he followed me on the mower.
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: So yeah, we've known you guys and loved you guys
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: a very long time.
• 1:46
  Speaker 6: Yeah yeah, and if you could see the setup. So
• 1:48
  Speaker 6: we do not have four mics. We have because we're
• 1:52
  Speaker 6: a nonprofit and we were supported by donors and click
• 1:56
  Speaker 6: the link on the bottom. But we so we're sharing
• 2:01
  Speaker 6: the mics. So I'm talking. Then I passed the mic
• 2:04
  Speaker 6: over to Jamie. You know what we should have taken
• 2:06
  Speaker 6: out of the stand that was That was bad playing
• 2:09
  Speaker 6: on my part. So right, here's where we would normally
• 2:11
  Speaker 6: cut and we would just start over. But we're not
• 2:14
  Speaker 6: gonna cut. We're gonna keep rolling because that would have
• 2:16
  Speaker 6: been a good thing. We could have done that, but
• 2:18
  Speaker 6: I would it would have been figured it out.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: We'll figure it out, Okay.
• 2:21
  Speaker 6: So we wanted to talk to you guys about parenting. So, man,
• 2:27
  Speaker 6: we have raised our three and now they we have
• 2:30
  Speaker 6: this adult you know, this relationship with our three adult children,
• 2:33
  Speaker 6: and you guys are right in the throes.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: So we do we.
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: Want to mention names of your kids, absolutely, Okay, I
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: do that.
• 2:40
  Speaker 6: Yeah, So tell us your kids the names, the age,
• 2:44
  Speaker 6: and then we'll jump in Hey.
• 2:46
  Speaker 7: So we have Bryden who is twenty five, and then
• 2:49
  Speaker 7: we have Emerson who is sixteen, will be seventeen in May,
• 2:53
  Speaker 7: and then Cannon who is twelve that will be thirteen
• 2:57
  Speaker 7: in May. So broad h twenty five down to twelve. Yes, wow,
• 3:03
  Speaker 7: all the things.
• 3:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 3:04
  Speaker 5: So when we were sitting at Braden's high school graduation,
• 3:08
  Speaker 5: Cannon was sitting in between us. He had just finished kindergarten.
• 3:11
  Speaker 5: We had a kindergartener and a senior, and Emerson was
• 3:16
  Speaker 5: in there. She was in fourth grade the same year
• 3:18
  Speaker 5: had we bookended the primary education with a.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: Kindergartener and a senior.
• 3:23
  Speaker 5: And we looked at each other and Braiden was graduating
• 3:25
  Speaker 5: with Canon right there between us, and we said, we
• 3:28
  Speaker 5: may not make it.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, until he makes it through.
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: It, you know what you will. It's going to keep
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: you young forever.
• 3:36
  Speaker 4: It'll keep you young. You'll love it.
• 3:38
  Speaker 6: So there's so many challenges, and we wanted to do
• 3:41
  Speaker 6: this podcast because as we were talking, we thought, man, first,
• 3:44
  Speaker 6: we thought, hey, you guys should come over and have
• 3:47
  Speaker 6: a session and we can record that and let everybody
• 3:49
  Speaker 6: listen in. But beyond that, it's just such a challenge
• 3:53
  Speaker 6: and Blake you and I talk all the time about
• 3:55
  Speaker 6: the things that we're seeing out there because the challenges
• 3:59
  Speaker 6: you're having with raising your kids in today's you know,
• 4:02
  Speaker 6: social media world, the fricking iPhone that are detached to
• 4:06
  Speaker 6: their hips apps all times. But you guys are doing
• 4:09
  Speaker 6: some things very very well. And I know you guys
• 4:12
  Speaker 6: your challenge just like everybody else. But the thing that
• 4:14
  Speaker 6: Jamie and I appreciate about y'all and love is the
• 4:17
  Speaker 6: fact that you're always calling us saying hey, help, help,
• 4:21
  Speaker 6: you know, and just running stuff bias right, and yeah, pray.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: And one of the things that.
• 4:26
  Speaker 6: We realized is, you know, I was in youth ministry
• 4:30
  Speaker 6: and you can give all this advice, but when it
• 4:32
  Speaker 6: comes to your own.
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  Speaker 1: Kids, sometimes it's just it's still.
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  Speaker 6: So hard, and it's not like anybody's an expert, and
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  Speaker 6: you're all just trying to do the best you can.
• 4:40
  Speaker 6: A lot of times when people talk to me about
• 4:42
  Speaker 6: their brain dead teenager, you know, and I just want
• 4:44
  Speaker 6: to lock them in a box till they're twenty one
• 4:45
  Speaker 6: and then let them out and all that. We laugh
• 4:48
  Speaker 6: and we joke, but we went through the same thing
• 4:50
  Speaker 6: and not it's not all the same thing with every kid.
• 4:53
  Speaker 6: Every kid's made up differently, and but the challenges, man,
• 4:56
  Speaker 6: they are they're ubiquitous. So we all go through the
• 5:00
  Speaker 6: same stuff. And so we just wanted to talk with
• 5:02
  Speaker 6: you guys and just normalize the stuff. Everybody says when
• 5:05
  Speaker 6: they listen to our podcast, they go, man, we just
• 5:07
  Speaker 6: realized we're not crazy, We're not the only ones. Like
• 5:10
  Speaker 6: everybody's going through this stuff. And we just thought, yeah,
• 5:13
  Speaker 6: they've heard about Chandler, Christian and Carson and kind of
• 5:15
  Speaker 6: our history and our story.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: But we wanted to.
• 5:18
  Speaker 6: Talk with you guys because you guys got the kids
• 5:20
  Speaker 6: at the different ages right now, and the world is
• 5:23
  Speaker 6: a different place, right So the world's different place than
• 5:26
  Speaker 6: when our kids. You know, the iPhone came out in
• 5:29
  Speaker 6: O seven and so you hear me talking about it
• 5:31
  Speaker 6: a lot. We are going to talk today about at
• 5:34
  Speaker 6: some point about social media. You know, the what what's
• 5:37
  Speaker 6: the documentary that was so eye open it the social
• 5:39
  Speaker 6: what was called the Social Dilemma that's haunting right is
• 5:44
  Speaker 6: now that new show that's blown up on Netflix adolescents.
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  Speaker 2: Right, extremely troubling, Oh my.
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  Speaker 1: Gosh, on so many levels.
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: So can tell them about just quick about Brian text
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: and you guys and you he said, you've how to
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: watch this show. You have to watch this show, so
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: like whatever you do, stop everything and watch Adolescents And
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: you texted us and you.
• 6:08
  Speaker 4: Were like how and the why would you do this?
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: Ut?
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  Speaker 3: Ye mean really, I mean to stick with it, stick
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: with it, but it is it's it's heartbreaking and it's
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: you know, a lot of reality.
• 6:20
  Speaker 7: Yeah, it was very, very confronting and just hard, really
• 6:28
  Speaker 7: hard to watch.
• 6:29
  Speaker 6: Yeah, but what what I loved And there's so much
• 6:32
  Speaker 6: stuff to get into, but one of the things I
• 6:33
  Speaker 6: loved and you'll you'll hear because I'm doing caffeine and
• 6:36
  Speaker 6: you'll hear how you know house Catebory I am. But
• 6:39
  Speaker 6: one of the things Stephen Graham, who was one of
• 6:41
  Speaker 6: the co writers, he played the dad in it. And
• 6:45
  Speaker 6: what I loved is, you know, you've got the now
• 6:48
  Speaker 6: the media right, not social media, but but all the
• 6:53
  Speaker 6: media that we see on social media trying to make
• 6:56
  Speaker 6: this show into something that actually the writers are saying,
• 6:59
  Speaker 6: that's not what we intended.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: He said. This was not.
• 7:04
  Speaker 6: This was not to make any kind of statement. It
• 7:06
  Speaker 6: was to ask a lot of the questions. I mean,
• 7:08
  Speaker 6: this guy, Stephen Graham was very disturbed. The guy who
• 7:10
  Speaker 6: pleads the father of the kid, who is it Jeremy anyway? So,
• 7:17
  Speaker 6: but but the dad, Jamie Jamie, he had seen in
• 7:21
  Speaker 6: the oh Jamie Miller, Yeah, Jamie Miller. But he had
• 7:24
  Speaker 6: seen in the news all these stabbings, young men who
• 7:28
  Speaker 6: had been stabbing girls, and not always that, but that
• 7:32
  Speaker 6: was generally the case. And he said, you know, he
• 7:34
  Speaker 6: started looking into it and wanted to ask the question, like,
• 7:36
  Speaker 6: what's going on. Well, now the media is trying to
• 7:39
  Speaker 6: make this all about misogyny, right, That's what it's all about.
• 7:45
  Speaker 6: And it's like, man, the things that you said we
• 7:47
  Speaker 6: were you said, it's confronting.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: Great.
• 7:49
  Speaker 6: The things we were confronted with were, Man, the unlimited
• 7:54
  Speaker 6: access we gave our kids on social media with their
• 7:56
  Speaker 6: phones not being you know, its parents that aren't checked in,
• 8:00
  Speaker 6: that don't have relationships, that aren't that connected with their kids.
• 8:03
  Speaker 6: It's the dad at the very end, and well, spoiler alert,
• 8:06
  Speaker 6: good night that last scene where he says and he
• 8:11
  Speaker 6: reaches down and kisses the forehead of that bear and says,
• 8:14
  Speaker 6: I should have done better.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
• 8:16
  Speaker 6: He's apologizing and you know, taking ownership. So there's a
• 8:20
  Speaker 6: lot of things in that show.
• 8:25
  Speaker 5: And how we get I fear that a generation from
• 8:29
  Speaker 5: now that we'll see a lot of that, because I
• 8:32
  Speaker 5: do see in our world, in our circles, there's a
• 8:35
  Speaker 5: whole lot of people who are parenting by default. Well,
• 8:39
  Speaker 5: I guess they're supposed to have a phone. I guess
• 8:41
  Speaker 5: they're supposed to have this why because the kid's telling
• 8:43
  Speaker 5: them that everybody else does just like our kids do.
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  Speaker 5: And listen, we don't have it figured out for sure.
• 8:48
  Speaker 5: We don't have it figured out. That's why we call
• 8:50
  Speaker 5: you all the time. So thank you, I'll say, start there.
• 8:54
  Speaker 5: Tell our kids to start with thanks, So we will
• 8:56
  Speaker 5: start with thanks too. From sitting on your couch and
• 8:59
  Speaker 5: doing premarital count to mentoring us. And we're just surrendered
• 9:03
  Speaker 5: to the mentor relationship to say thanks for letting us
• 9:08
  Speaker 5: into your train wreck so that we you can help ours,
• 9:12
  Speaker 5: you know. And so that is to have someone and
• 9:18
  Speaker 5: you guys who were like, please please please tell me.
• 9:21
  Speaker 5: I remember Hack sitting at a at a coffee shop
• 9:24
  Speaker 5: with you one time. This is a handful of years ago,
• 9:26
  Speaker 5: and Chandler actually was working there and I looked at
• 9:31
  Speaker 5: you and I said, dude, tell me how to do
• 9:34
  Speaker 5: it like tell me how to get from where I am.
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: Emerson was just she was little to where you are.
• 9:41
  Speaker 5: And that's one of many conversations that's happened from then
• 9:46
  Speaker 5: to now that continue to happen.
• 9:49
  Speaker 6: Bless the boyfriends of my daughter in those years, and
• 9:53
  Speaker 6: she didn't have very many. It's not like she dated
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  Speaker 6: a lot, you know, but I think people were I
• 9:57
  Speaker 6: don't think. I know people were very intimidated by Tandler,
• 10:00
  Speaker 6: as they probably are with Emerson as well. But it's
• 10:03
  Speaker 6: what's interesting is, you know, we joke about pulling your
• 10:06
  Speaker 6: shotgun out and be cleaning your shotgun when they come
• 10:08
  Speaker 6: to visit for the first time. I am was dragging me,
• 10:10
  Speaker 6: but I had one that sat across the table from me.
• 10:15
  Speaker 6: We went to breakfast, I still remember, were at the
• 10:17
  Speaker 6: Snooty Pig and I we sat out and we did
• 10:20
  Speaker 6: some small talk for about five minutes and I said,
• 10:23
  Speaker 6: young man, you know, I called him my name, which
• 10:25
  Speaker 6: I won't say, and I said, watch your plan to
• 10:29
  Speaker 6: stay pure with my daughter. That was my question.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: Now, to his.
• 10:35
  Speaker 6: Credit, you know how many young boys would just totally
• 10:40
  Speaker 6: like sink under the table. At that point, this guy
• 10:43
  Speaker 6: looked me in the eye, and he just started rattling
• 10:45
  Speaker 6: off his plan, what he had been doing and what
• 10:47
  Speaker 6: he had planned to do to keep himself pure with
• 10:50
  Speaker 6: my daughter before marriage. And I thought, man, okay, kudos
• 10:54
  Speaker 6: to him. Either he's a great liar. He had an
• 10:56
  Speaker 6: Academy award, you know, presentation, No, it was amazing. But
• 11:00
  Speaker 6: those were the kind of you know, those are the
• 11:02
  Speaker 6: kind of conversations we had with Tandler's with.
• 11:05
  Speaker 5: Friends well, and and so I have a conversation. There's
• 11:08
  Speaker 5: there's friends of ours that Adrina taught with back when
• 11:13
  Speaker 5: Emerson was born, and one of her co teachers husbands
• 11:18
  Speaker 5: I ended up coaching their son as well, had a
• 11:21
  Speaker 5: conversation with me and told me what he did. He said, Hey,
• 11:24
  Speaker 5: I'm going to tell you something right now, and it's
• 11:26
  Speaker 5: something that has stuck with me that I've done and
• 11:28
  Speaker 5: and you and I have talked about this hack. But
• 11:31
  Speaker 5: a relationship with my daughter, as long as she's in
• 11:33
  Speaker 5: my house, goes through me. And so if you do
• 11:36
  Speaker 5: want to date my daughter, you have to have a
• 11:38
  Speaker 5: conversation with me. You've got a planet. You've got to say, Hey,
• 11:42
  Speaker 5: mister Maby, we're gonna I'd like to have a conversation
• 11:45
  Speaker 5: with you, and so we trained Emerson in hat early,
• 11:48
  Speaker 5: letting her know this is how you need to be treated.
• 11:52
  Speaker 5: And then he needs to come to me, not like
• 11:54
  Speaker 5: he's asking for your hand in marriage, but just so
• 11:56
  Speaker 5: we can lay out some expectations. And as you've talked about,
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: then i'd say this same thing, Hey, what is your plan?
• 12:01
  Speaker 5: And I can go, hey, dude, let me tell you something.
• 12:03
  Speaker 5: I know what it is to be you. I've been you,
• 12:05
  Speaker 5: I've walked that road, and let's talk really specifically about
• 12:10
  Speaker 5: some things that we're gonna do and not gonna do.
• 12:13
  Speaker 5: And of course Emerson just mortified, right, oh my gosh, Dad,
• 12:16
  Speaker 5: you're going to talk about.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: Text and stuff. And I'm like, yeah, I am, I am.
• 12:20
  Speaker 5: I'm going to normalize it for him and go, hey, Bud, like,
• 12:23
  Speaker 5: I know that these are some realistic temptations and I
• 12:25
  Speaker 5: want to help you and I want to help her.
• 12:29
  Speaker 5: I'm just want to be up front and we're going
• 12:31
  Speaker 5: to have a relationship. If you're going to have a
• 12:34
  Speaker 5: relationship with her, you're going to have one with me.
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: That's good.
• 12:38
  Speaker 6: So what are the challenges we talk about all these
• 12:42
  Speaker 6: issues that could what are the challenges that you guys,
• 12:44
  Speaker 6: I want to hear about the maboris that you're facing
• 12:47
  Speaker 6: right now with your kids. And I'm assuming that Emerson
• 12:50
  Speaker 6: and Cannon won't listen to this unless you want them
• 12:52
  Speaker 6: to do.
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: So.
• 12:55
  Speaker 6: So so yeah, I just want you guys to be really,
• 12:57
  Speaker 6: really candid, because then then we'll get down in the
• 12:59
  Speaker 6: weeds on some of this stuff. So what are some
• 13:01
  Speaker 6: of the issues that you guys are dealing with with
• 13:03
  Speaker 6: these kids.
• 13:05
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I think it's gosh, it's really hard to be
• 13:09
  Speaker 7: and we've heard you guys talk about just the differences
• 13:13
  Speaker 7: in your personalities and how that feeds into the way
• 13:16
  Speaker 7: that you parent, you know, And I think, you know,
• 13:19
  Speaker 7: I grew up with a very very hard, strict, hard
• 13:24
  Speaker 7: edged dad and a mom that was very loose and
• 13:27
  Speaker 7: everything was fun and and so I find myself kind
• 13:30
  Speaker 7: of falling back into those patterns of being my mom.
• 13:35
  Speaker 7: So I think it's just been like setting boundaries that
• 13:39
  Speaker 7: we can both come to an agreement on where I'm
• 13:42
  Speaker 7: not he's not always having to be the bad guy,
• 13:44
  Speaker 7: and I'm not always the who fun mom, you know,
• 13:48
  Speaker 7: And so that's that's been tricky just and especially with Emerson,
• 13:53
  Speaker 7: I think because we're at this place where we have
• 13:56
  Speaker 7: a year and a half where before she's launched, and
• 14:00
  Speaker 7: it's like, Okay, at this point, where's the line of
• 14:03
  Speaker 7: like letting her go and experience life and giving her
• 14:06
  Speaker 7: more freedom and watching her be more independent, but also
• 14:10
  Speaker 7: know that like there still needs to be boundaries in
• 14:14
  Speaker 7: place for her well being and for her safety and
• 14:17
  Speaker 7: some black and white issue things, you know. Like I
• 14:20
  Speaker 7: think we just watch a lot of the parents that
• 14:23
  Speaker 7: were kind of in the world that we're in just
• 14:26
  Speaker 7: like parent in a very gray area. And I say
• 14:30
  Speaker 7: that with like, like Blake was saying, just the lack
• 14:33
  Speaker 7: of intentionality, you know, just kind of like this is
• 14:37
  Speaker 7: everybody's busy, and everyone's just doing their thing, and it's
• 14:39
  Speaker 7: just like everything is slipping kind of under the rug
• 14:42
  Speaker 7: and not being addressed, you know. So I think for
• 14:44
  Speaker 7: Blake and I, it's like staying on the same page
• 14:48
  Speaker 7: and being respectful of the way that we're parenting, you know, differently,
• 14:53
  Speaker 7: and then you know, being able to be affront like
• 14:57
  Speaker 7: for our kids where they're seeing us on the same page.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: Remember that was a that was a big thing that
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: Brian and I got to work through in our marriage.
• 15:06
  Speaker 4: It caused a lot of wrinkles because.
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: You know, I was, you know, more kind of seen
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: as like you know, uh lenya, And you know, Brian
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: would go, you, you know, you always make me the
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: bad guy, and I'm like, I'm not trying to, It's
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: just that's how it would come out in him. And
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: I would be more like, let's have a conversation about this,
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: you know, and what are some ways that we can
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: let them you know, kind of learned the hard way
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: on some things like we had to do to but
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: so you trying to find that that boundary or that
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: edge of letting them learn the hard way but not
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: getting killed or not hurting anybody or hurting them, you know,
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: the not messing up their lives you know, too bad.
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: And but I you know, it was so stressful because
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: we could see like some behaviors coming out in our
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: kids or some things that needed to be addressed, which
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: caused dress on us.
• 16:01
  Speaker 4: So we would tend to take it out on each other.
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: You know, because we we did parent, you know, differently,
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: but we always had the same bottom line, which was
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: they will always come back to where the love is
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: and so how can we love these kids today? And
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: we both had that faith kind of baseline of you know, God,
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: we need help, We need help, and reaching out to
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: people who were before us.
• 16:28
  Speaker 4: You know, what did you guys do.
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: What would work for us, what would work for our kids,
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: and really just keeping those open lines of communication with
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: our kids open so that they weren't like guessing or
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: you know, wondering like why are my mom and dad
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: doing this? Or you know when when you're making different
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: decisions than a lot of the other parents are doing,
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: you know, and then you're both the bad guys, like
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: our family's the weird family and we're the only ones that.
• 16:54
  Speaker 4: Don't do this or and so it is hard.
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: You do have to catch a lot of arrows, and
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: so Brian being on parenting on the same page was
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: huge for us and just keeping that communication open, you know,
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: and having each other's back. So we really tried to
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: be careful about like not going you know, behind each
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: other's back and parenting.
• 17:18
  Speaker 4: Our way like the whole like what you said.
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: Adrina, the United Front, Like as long as you can
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: kind of even behind closed doors if you're not completely one,
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: but as long as you can kind of come to
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: an agreement. Okay, this is where we're going to meet
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: in the middle and then you go forward into parenting
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: like that.
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: You know, that was a big thing for us we
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: had to work through.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:42
  Speaker 6: So, as I'm listening to that, you said a little
• 17:45
  Speaker 6: bit of a wrinkle and you laughed and.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: Hang on, what is that?
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, no, no, what is that? Okay?
• 17:57
  Speaker 6: I think we got the sour dough bread going, So
• 17:59
  Speaker 6: thank you, Jamie. So what I was saying, So we
• 18:03
  Speaker 6: laughed about just a little wrinkle. But the way we
• 18:06
  Speaker 6: are different in our parenting styles, the way just our logic,
• 18:10
  Speaker 6: the way we think, our family of origin, the way
• 18:12
  Speaker 6: we were raised, it caused more than just a little wrinkle, right,
• 18:16
  Speaker 6: that whole good cop, bad cop. I'm the a hole,
• 18:19
  Speaker 6: she's the I'm thinking, she's thinking I'm too heavy, and
• 18:22
  Speaker 6: I'm thinking she's the pushover. You're too lenient or you're
• 18:25
  Speaker 6: too hard, And you know, that was a big deal,
• 18:29
  Speaker 6: and I don't want to minimize that. I want everyone
• 18:32
  Speaker 6: because most people we talk to, they have one they've
• 18:35
  Speaker 6: got the hard ass and they've got the easy They've
• 18:38
  Speaker 6: got the one who's raised with the rigid military, you know,
• 18:42
  Speaker 6: and the other one who just said, hey man, it's
• 18:45
  Speaker 6: all good and so what do you do when you think,
• 18:49
  Speaker 6: because you both love your kid, but you think, wow,
• 18:52
  Speaker 6: we are setting a precedent for the future. And we're
• 18:56
  Speaker 6: setting not only a precedent for the future, but like
• 18:59
  Speaker 6: this takes are so high because this particular thing, this
• 19:03
  Speaker 6: is not just so a curfew because they're going to
• 19:05
  Speaker 6: the lake house. Man. Now, it's about this is the
• 19:08
  Speaker 6: first time her boyfriend's ever driven a car and they're
• 19:11
  Speaker 6: going out just the two of them, or you know,
• 19:14
  Speaker 6: this is a deal where you know, the parents are
• 19:18
  Speaker 6: known to have the kids at home because we'd rather
• 19:21
  Speaker 6: than be under our roof drinking. It's like, wait a minute,
• 19:24
  Speaker 6: what they're condoning drinks? I mean, there's so many different,
• 19:27
  Speaker 6: you know, situations, I think. And so she said, we
• 19:31
  Speaker 6: tried to pairent on the same page. One of the
• 19:33
  Speaker 6: things that I know that that helped. We didn't always
• 19:37
  Speaker 6: get it right, but is when Jamie knew, like Brian,
• 19:42
  Speaker 6: this is overboard, this is overboard, and when the kids
• 19:46
  Speaker 6: you just you can sense it, like you know, you're
• 19:49
  Speaker 6: being a prideful jerk, you know, and you're sticking to
• 19:51
  Speaker 6: your guns and you're gonna have it your way.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: Because out of fear, your anger.
• 19:57
  Speaker 6: It's your fear of my baby girl getting hurt or
• 20:00
  Speaker 6: my son doing something that's going to kill him or
• 20:02
  Speaker 6: his friends. But what happened is she would come and
• 20:07
  Speaker 6: as as sure as the world, she had an opportunity
• 20:10
  Speaker 6: to out me in front of the kids and kind
• 20:12
  Speaker 6: of throw me under the bus and like, sorry, kids,
• 20:14
  Speaker 6: your dad's but she didn't. She would never do that.
• 20:18
  Speaker 6: She would say, kids, listen to your dad. We want
• 20:20
  Speaker 6: you to respect I want you to respect your dad.
• 20:22
  Speaker 6: And then she would talk to me in private. And
• 20:24
  Speaker 6: that is the way. I mean, you have to do
• 20:27
  Speaker 6: that to honor your spouse and then to pull them
• 20:31
  Speaker 6: aside behind the scenes, right so that you're not you know,
• 20:35
  Speaker 6: making a big deal in front of the kids. Because
• 20:37
  Speaker 6: as sure as the husband or wife disrespects the other
• 20:40
  Speaker 6: parent in front of the kids, that's giving the kids
• 20:44
  Speaker 6: unspoken permission to do the.
• 20:45
  Speaker 5: Same, for sure, absolutely, And then they want to they
• 20:48
  Speaker 5: see it, They want to create that divide and then
• 20:51
  Speaker 5: grab one and get them pushed against the other one.
• 20:55
  Speaker 5: And we had issues even early in our marriage with
• 20:58
  Speaker 5: you know, with Brayden. There's a whole yn amic there
• 21:00
  Speaker 5: with you know, me not being Braden's birth father, but
• 21:03
  Speaker 5: having been in his life since he was three years old,
• 21:05
  Speaker 5: and there were times when you know, I was being
• 21:08
  Speaker 5: too hard and she, in the moment, would defend him.
• 21:11
  Speaker 5: And there was a period of time where we you know,
• 21:15
  Speaker 5: we came and saw you because it was to a
• 21:18
  Speaker 5: point where we said, hey, we time out, we need intervention,
• 21:21
  Speaker 5: we need a referee here. And so looking at me
• 21:26
  Speaker 5: not getting my mega need met right respect, especially in
• 21:32
  Speaker 5: front of the kids, where I felt like she was
• 21:35
  Speaker 5: swooping in and defending them against me, and.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: That that was huge.
• 21:42
  Speaker 5: You know, we we've obviously grown a lot since then,
• 21:46
  Speaker 5: but to and I would ask her like, do you
• 21:49
  Speaker 5: think I'm going to injure them, like physically or emotionally? Well, no,
• 21:54
  Speaker 5: it was it was just a thing if I didn't
• 21:55
  Speaker 5: like the way that you were handling that particular situation.
• 21:58
  Speaker 5: And so we have learned, and we still don't do
• 22:02
  Speaker 5: it perfectly every time that, like you said, those have
• 22:06
  Speaker 5: to happen outside of the ring, so to speak. They've
• 22:09
  Speaker 5: got to happen back in the in the locker room
• 22:11
  Speaker 5: with us getting on the same page and having the
• 22:14
  Speaker 5: same vision, rather than having those conversations in front of
• 22:18
  Speaker 5: the kids where they can be like, yeah, now we're
• 22:19
  Speaker 5: on We're definitely on mom's side, because you know, dad's
• 22:23
  Speaker 5: the hard ass and mom's not.
• 22:26
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I think like most recently just because there are
• 22:31
  Speaker 7: a lot of elements going on with just where our
• 22:35
  Speaker 7: kids are in life. You know, Branden's launched out into
• 22:37
  Speaker 7: adulthood and and you know that's he's on the autism spectrum,
• 22:43
  Speaker 7: and so there's been some things with that and just
• 22:45
  Speaker 7: like getting launched out into real life has been tricky.
• 22:49
  Speaker 8: And hard.
• 22:50
  Speaker 7: But and then you know, of course teenage daughter and
• 22:53
  Speaker 7: then adolescent boy and with all the things going on
• 22:57
  Speaker 7: at the same time, I just feel like lately it's
• 23:00
  Speaker 7: just been like, my goodness, are we even enjoying any
• 23:03
  Speaker 7: of this? Like we're so stressed about And so I
• 23:06
  Speaker 7: think that's what I've communicated to Blake recently, like I
• 23:09
  Speaker 7: don't want to miss this and like jump to the
• 23:12
  Speaker 7: worst case scenario with all three of them and all
• 23:15
  Speaker 7: the things that they have. Like, I just feel like
• 23:17
  Speaker 7: we're constantly and it is like we sometimes I can
• 23:20
  Speaker 7: get into my rainbow butterfly world where I just don't
• 23:23
  Speaker 7: want to deal with any of the things, you know,
• 23:26
  Speaker 7: and I know that there's a balance of like, okay,
• 23:28
  Speaker 7: but these are here and we have to face the
• 23:30
  Speaker 7: reality that these are hard things that we need to address,
• 23:34
  Speaker 7: but also still enjoy it. I'm like, gosh, we don't
• 23:36
  Speaker 7: get this time back, you know. And I just in
• 23:40
  Speaker 7: the stress of worrying, like, well, you know, she's gonna
• 23:43
  Speaker 7: in this decision, she's going to take that into her
• 23:46
  Speaker 7: marriage and that's gonna affect her in la law. I'm like,
• 23:48
  Speaker 7: why are we even talking about Like she's sixteen, you know.
• 23:51
  Speaker 7: So it's just that I'm like, gosh, let's just be
• 23:54
  Speaker 7: here right now and like enjoy our kids and not
• 23:57
  Speaker 7: think about the worst case scenario happening.
• 24:00
  Speaker 6: So yes, yes, I get it, but we're so worried
• 24:03
  Speaker 6: because the stakes are so high and we see these
• 24:06
  Speaker 6: kids who you know, they've never taken And again I
• 24:11
  Speaker 6: was gonna say, so, are we dealing with drugs?
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: Is it? Is it dating?
• 24:14
  Speaker 7: Is it?
• 24:15
  Speaker 5: You know?
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: Is it the parties?
• 24:17
  Speaker 6: Like what you know, the they're not half of them
• 24:20
  Speaker 6: aren't even going out. They stay on their phone. That's
• 24:23
  Speaker 6: how they're doing their relationships, you know.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: But you know what is that.
• 24:26
  Speaker 6: They're dealing with? But the stakes are so high, and
• 24:30
  Speaker 6: it's the kid who's never ever taken a drug.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: And I don't mean like like you.
• 24:35
  Speaker 6: Know LSD or pot or or you know acid or
• 24:38
  Speaker 6: d MT whatever, but I mean like, they have never
• 24:42
  Speaker 6: taken a prescription drug, right, and all of a sudden,
• 24:45
  Speaker 6: they have a friend who gives them a vivance or
• 24:48
  Speaker 6: is anax or whatever it is that they're going to
• 24:50
  Speaker 6: take because they need this or I'm stressed out and
• 24:53
  Speaker 6: so I want to take this, or I need to
• 24:55
  Speaker 6: stay for a test, so I'm to take an adderall
• 24:57
  Speaker 6: or whatever. And then it's lace with fentanyl the very
• 25:00
  Speaker 6: first time, and this kid is dead. Right, So we
• 25:03
  Speaker 6: have these fears. And you've heard me say, but most
• 25:07
  Speaker 6: of parenting is caught, it's not taught. They're going to
• 25:10
  Speaker 6: do what's modeled. And so so you know, when when
• 25:15
  Speaker 6: Carson's not making his bed here and we think his
• 25:17
  Speaker 6: room's a wreck, but then he goes off to OSU,
• 25:20
  Speaker 6: we walk into his room and it's this pristine showcase
• 25:23
  Speaker 6: and we're like, what is this? Where did this kid
• 25:25
  Speaker 6: come from? Well, because he didn't live in a pig stye.
• 25:28
  Speaker 6: He saw what mom and dad did, right, and so
• 25:31
  Speaker 6: they're going to do that. When they we say, well, well,
• 25:34
  Speaker 6: we have to teach them to be mature, yes, but
• 25:36
  Speaker 6: they're not mature yet. We have to teach them responsibility, yeah,
• 25:39
  Speaker 6: but they're not responsible yet.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: They're kids.
• 25:41
  Speaker 6: So it's this that when are we going to trust
• 25:44
  Speaker 6: that they will, like Jamie said, learn their own way
• 25:47
  Speaker 6: and learn the hard way instead of us trying to,
• 25:50
  Speaker 6: you know, go and make sure they're getting it right
• 25:52
  Speaker 6: the first time. So we talked about some of the
• 25:56
  Speaker 6: things that you know, I name some of these deals.
• 25:58
  Speaker 6: What are the issues that these kids are dealing with?
• 26:01
  Speaker 6: Is it the dating scene? Is it peer pressure to smoke,
• 26:05
  Speaker 6: to drink, to to hook up? I mean this hookup culture.
• 26:09
  Speaker 6: Good night, and and don't talk from the I guess
• 26:12
  Speaker 6: the Christian if you will perspective. I'm just talking about
• 26:15
  Speaker 6: the overall, like just the demographic. I mean, we're in
• 26:18
  Speaker 6: the Bible Belt South, so a lot of parents are
• 26:20
  Speaker 6: thinking the same there.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: But let me hear about it.
• 26:22
  Speaker 5: You know, for me, I look at one of the
• 26:25
  Speaker 5: overriding things, especially with our kids, the comparison culture. It's
• 26:31
  Speaker 5: it's fomo. Even in a group text. We had a
• 26:35
  Speaker 5: conversation with our kids. This is a few years ago
• 26:39
  Speaker 5: about a group text and kids were like taking someone
• 26:44
  Speaker 5: off out of the group text, out of the group text,
• 26:46
  Speaker 5: and we stopped and said, hey, understand what this really
• 26:48
  Speaker 5: is socially Like if you were all standing in a
• 26:50
  Speaker 5: circle and someone said, hey, you're not welcome in this
• 26:53
  Speaker 5: conversation anymore, Like how.
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: Awkward would that be? That's that hurts?
• 26:57
  Speaker 5: That hurts, you know, But tho, those are these kinds
• 27:01
  Speaker 5: of things when when you get behind a screen, everybody
• 27:03
  Speaker 5: gets brave and I think desensitized to the humanity that's
• 27:07
  Speaker 5: going on in these relationships. But it's it is the
• 27:11
  Speaker 5: comparison thing from you know, boys and light cannon, for instance,
• 27:16
  Speaker 5: having the you know, looking at pictures of guys and
• 27:19
  Speaker 5: muscles and achievements and sports things like that, Well I
• 27:23
  Speaker 5: have to be that, or maybe a false sense of
• 27:25
  Speaker 5: security that maybe I am that and maybe I'm not
• 27:28
  Speaker 5: really that yet Emerson looking at things from body image
• 27:33
  Speaker 5: to beauty things and all that kind of stuff, and oh,
• 27:36
  Speaker 5: here's here was this event or party or whatever, and
• 27:39
  Speaker 5: I was not involved in that, whereas if I did,
• 27:42
  Speaker 5: if I didn't have the phone, I'd never know that
• 27:43
  Speaker 5: that even existed. The ignorance is bliss kind of deal.
• 27:47
  Speaker 5: But then it's the weight of Wow. I wasn't even
• 27:51
  Speaker 5: involved in that conversation, but I know about that conversation.
• 27:53
  Speaker 5: So now how do I navigate the relationship when I
• 27:56
  Speaker 5: see these people in person?
• 27:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 27:59
  Speaker 7: Yeah, And I think I mean obviously social media Snapchat, like,
• 28:04
  Speaker 7: there's so many avenues of just like quick, constant conversations
• 28:08
  Speaker 7: that they don't have.
• 28:09
  Speaker 8: There's no like downtime for their brains.
• 28:12
  Speaker 7: I mean, it's just and it's like she left me
• 28:14
  Speaker 7: on read why did she leave me on Red? Like
• 28:16
  Speaker 7: what what did I do? I made her mad? And
• 28:17
  Speaker 7: then you know, it's just it's just the constant and
• 28:21
  Speaker 7: we don't you know, we've been very, very intentional about
• 28:25
  Speaker 7: our decisions with social media. Emerson does have Instagram now,
• 28:30
  Speaker 7: but the snapchat thing is like no way, all.
• 28:33
  Speaker 6: Are intentional about it and say no, you're not going
• 28:36
  Speaker 6: to do Snapchat or name your app and the other
• 28:38
  Speaker 6: parents it's no big deal. And your kids are coming
• 28:40
  Speaker 6: to you, going mom and dad, you're making a big deal.
• 28:42
  Speaker 6: Everybody else is on it, So how do you handle that.
• 28:45
  Speaker 6: That's we're talking about, I mean kid pressure, we're talking
• 28:48
  Speaker 6: about peer pressure for parents.
• 28:49
  Speaker 5: So the screen time thing is an issue too, Like
• 28:52
  Speaker 5: we do we said it that you don't. They could
• 28:55
  Speaker 5: take their phones in the room, but when it's bedtime,
• 28:57
  Speaker 5: the phones come out into the kitchen on that larger
• 29:00
  Speaker 5: you know, at a certain time, and we have some
• 29:02
  Speaker 5: flexibility with that, and especially on weekends and stuff. But
• 29:05
  Speaker 5: you think about the pressures and the constant need when
• 29:10
  Speaker 5: that thing goes off to respond, right, and we can
• 29:15
  Speaker 5: see it. We can see a physical response even in
• 29:18
  Speaker 5: ourselves to sit there and I get a notification and
• 29:21
  Speaker 5: what am I going to do? How long can I
• 29:22
  Speaker 5: sit there and watch that? Well, gosh, if they don't
• 29:26
  Speaker 5: even have their own bed to sleep in with it
• 29:29
  Speaker 5: and to get away from all that stuff.
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: So that's what we've tried to preach.
• 29:33
  Speaker 5: And then we did We made them before they had phones,
• 29:35
  Speaker 5: we made them watch the Social Experiment and they were
• 29:39
  Speaker 5: you know, they didn't they didn't like it, but they
• 29:41
  Speaker 5: did see it and to understand that you are the product,
• 29:45
  Speaker 5: like they are reaching out to grab you. They don't
• 29:49
  Speaker 5: think about that on a regular basis, but but that
• 29:52
  Speaker 5: is that is the reality. And that's one of the
• 29:53
  Speaker 5: practical things that we've done is to say, hey, at night,
• 29:56
  Speaker 5: you've got to give your brain some time to rest.
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: Before you go to sleep.
• 30:02
  Speaker 8: Yeah, I think we've been very.
• 30:05
  Speaker 7: It's we've had some hard conversations with them as far
• 30:10
  Speaker 7: as like what does this look like? What is the
• 30:12
  Speaker 7: progression of like teen and adolescent depression anxiety?
• 30:17
  Speaker 6: You know.
• 30:18
  Speaker 7: I mean we've been very, very real and raw with
• 30:20
  Speaker 7: them about the consequences of not having boundaries that are
• 30:24
  Speaker 7: healthy for them. And so that hasn't been easy for sure.
• 30:28
  Speaker 7: I mean we've been the last they've been the last
• 30:30
  Speaker 7: one to get a phone, well in their worlds, you know,
• 30:32
  Speaker 7: last one on the whole earth according to them.
• 30:34
  Speaker 8: But you know, but so we've had to battle through
• 30:39
  Speaker 8: some of that.
• 30:39
  Speaker 7: But I think that, you know, it's funny, like they'll
• 30:43
  Speaker 7: get so frustrated with us, but then like we get
• 30:45
  Speaker 7: these glimpses of especially Cannon, he's really good at like
• 30:50
  Speaker 7: expressing himself in words, and he'll come to us and say, like,
• 30:53
  Speaker 7: I know, I get frustrated, but I do understand why
• 30:56
  Speaker 7: you guys are having these boundaries for us, you know,
• 30:59
  Speaker 7: And we'll see these like glimpses of like, Okay, they
• 31:01
  Speaker 7: get it. They're still mad, you know, because it's their world.
• 31:04
  Speaker 7: I mean, it's and it would be so much easier
• 31:08
  Speaker 7: just to let them have it all.
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, it's because you're just like, we're not
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: gonna have to face that battle. But I believe that's
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: a battle worth facing because what we've seen is, you know,
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: not as much like about the phones, but I'm thinking
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: specifically about different TV shows you know that we just said, hey, we're.
• 31:28
  Speaker 4: Not going to watch that.
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like rug Rats or something like that. But what's
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: so funny now, you know, some Disney shows and stuff.
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: When the kids, so you know, ours are now thirty
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: one and twenty nine and twenty three, and so now
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: when they all come home and they'll get going talking
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: about things.
• 31:49
  Speaker 4: Like oh yeah, yeah, yeah. When we were growing up,
• 31:51
  Speaker 4: we didn't la la la la, and they just.
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: Start going, you know, they're they're over all that. You know,
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: like at the time, they were really hurt or upset
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: that we wouldn't let them watch whatever it was, and
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: now it's just funny because that doesn't matter to them anymore.
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: And I think they know the value now and now
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: that they are all having their own kids, you better
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: believe it's the hot topic on the top of their minds.
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: Although you know, it's not phones yet for them, but
• 32:18
  Speaker 3: they know how quickly that time will come. And I
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: think they see the value in the choices we helped
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: lead them through when they weren't ready to make those
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: choices for themselves, you know, and so when we would
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: limit them or we would give them boundaries or you know,
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: just you know, different rules that we put into place
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: that I think felt you know, maybe prohibitive at the time.
• 32:42
  Speaker 4: I think now they get it.
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: And so now it's really funny when they all come
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: back home and they start talking about, oh yeah, remember
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: we couldn't even watch that's so raven because they'll just
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: get going and it's really funny. But now I think
• 32:54
  Speaker 3: they see the value for sure. But it's hard in
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: the moment.
• 32:58
  Speaker 7: Yes, well, back to it was saying as far as
• 33:00
  Speaker 7: like the comparison thing, like even something as simple as
• 33:04
  Speaker 7: Pinterests popped in my head because you know, I mean,
• 33:08
  Speaker 7: Emerson has had a wedding board since she was twelve probably,
• 33:13
  Speaker 7: you know, and so it's like, gosh, and then between
• 33:16
  Speaker 7: that and influencers that are these great like Christian families
• 33:20
  Speaker 7: with beautiful kids and this beautiful, perfect life that's literally
• 33:24
  Speaker 7: inundating their hearts, and like it's like how in the world.
• 33:28
  Speaker 7: Are you ever going to compare with that? You know,
• 33:31
  Speaker 7: like it's just there and it's there's all these people
• 33:34
  Speaker 7: that they're looking at and seeing and then like striving for.
• 33:38
  Speaker 7: But man, that's that's a tough.
• 33:40
  Speaker 5: You know, well because on those deals, they don't see
• 33:42
  Speaker 5: the underside of the quilt, right. All they see is
• 33:45
  Speaker 5: what they broadcast, you know, they don't see the outtakes.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 33:49
  Speaker 6: So you you were joking about the kids coming over there,
• 33:52
  Speaker 6: they would say, Dad wouldn't let us even watch Rugrats.
• 33:54
  Speaker 6: That was literally one he'd say, what was it? That
• 33:58
  Speaker 6: show has no redeeming value? That was you know, I
• 34:00
  Speaker 6: heard my parents say that there's no redeeming value. It
• 34:02
  Speaker 6: wasn't like bad in and of itself. It just like
• 34:05
  Speaker 6: the snarky, the sarcasm and.
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: So about that.
• 34:09
  Speaker 6: And you guys have used the word several times, Adrina,
• 34:12
  Speaker 6: you said it like your intentional and so being intentional,
• 34:17
  Speaker 6: especially if you are, let's say, a Christian parent, it's
• 34:21
  Speaker 6: so easy to get caught up in what the kind
• 34:24
  Speaker 6: of the Christian community allows and doesn't allow. I can remember, uh,
• 34:30
  Speaker 6: you know, but just because that the moral aspect of
• 34:33
  Speaker 6: things and people that are judging you, Oh, you let
• 34:35
  Speaker 6: your kids see that? And I remember like R rated movies,
• 34:38
  Speaker 6: So you're growing up. I mean now it's and this
• 34:41
  Speaker 6: and that, but growing up, oh, you let your kids
• 34:43
  Speaker 6: see an R rated movie. And my parents would make
• 34:46
  Speaker 6: choices about yeah, I mean many of them know you're
• 34:49
  Speaker 6: not going to see it. But if we think this
• 34:51
  Speaker 6: movie has some quote redeeming value, we want you to
• 34:54
  Speaker 6: see this movie. So my boys, at thirteen years old,
• 34:58
  Speaker 6: we watched Brave Heart together. I had a group, a
• 35:00
  Speaker 6: community of men that would come and speak over my
• 35:03
  Speaker 6: boys and speak a life over them, and we would
• 35:06
  Speaker 6: go have a steak dinner and then we'd watch Brave Heart.
• 35:09
  Speaker 6: And if you can show me in any movie a
• 35:12
  Speaker 6: better Christ figure than William Wallace was and Brave Heart,
• 35:15
  Speaker 6: I dare you.
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: I mean it just it was so good.
• 35:18
  Speaker 6: Oh wasn't that radar? Wasn't there a sex scene? Wasn't
• 35:20
  Speaker 6: there violence? Like, dang right, there was. And this was
• 35:24
  Speaker 6: one of the best movies because of the message. Same
• 35:27
  Speaker 6: thing with like, oh, does your kid vape? I'm like,
• 35:32
  Speaker 6: I don't, I don't know.
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: Well you better.
• 35:34
  Speaker 6: Check, And of course I know if he vaped or not.
• 35:37
  Speaker 6: But the question is, what's in the vape. So what's
• 35:39
  Speaker 6: in it? Well, I don't know, is there and there this,
• 35:42
  Speaker 6: and they're that, let's go check it out, right, did
• 35:44
  Speaker 6: your kid eat it?
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: Water Burger?
• 35:46
  Speaker 6: I mean, and that sounds ridiculous, but literally we have
• 35:50
  Speaker 6: kids who are eating water and look nothing against Waterburger.
• 35:53
  Speaker 6: I love me a little, you know, Mono ray Melt,
• 35:55
  Speaker 6: but like, if you're eating water Burger every day, you're
• 35:59
  Speaker 6: poisoning your boy. But yet you know, hey, it's acceptable, right,
• 36:03
  Speaker 6: So we would be very intentional about what we allowed
• 36:06
  Speaker 6: our kids to do and didn't just go with the flow.
• 36:08
  Speaker 6: So sometimes you get backlash from other Christian parents from that.
• 36:12
  Speaker 6: So have you I mean, is it hard being a
• 36:16
  Speaker 6: Christian parent or is it just kind of part of
• 36:19
  Speaker 6: the whole deal because of the society we live in.
• 36:24
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know. I mean it's I think it's
• 36:28
  Speaker 5: the hard. Maybe there's a comparison I say, maybe, shoot, yeah,
• 36:32
  Speaker 5: comparison thing with us, like what do we allow our
• 36:35
  Speaker 5: kids to do because the other parents are allowing their
• 36:38
  Speaker 5: kids to do something? And so do we really drive
• 36:42
  Speaker 5: a stake in the ground and say, by God, we're
• 36:44
  Speaker 5: not going to do this, or do we just say
• 36:46
  Speaker 5: you know what, this is not going to kill them
• 36:48
  Speaker 5: and push through a situation, and then maybe there's there's
• 36:52
  Speaker 5: a less of a propensity to hang out with that
• 36:55
  Speaker 5: kid again because we know that that may be a pattern,
• 36:59
  Speaker 5: you know, rather than incident here and there. But that's
• 37:02
  Speaker 5: where I think for us, we do try to look
• 37:05
  Speaker 5: at that and say what's best for the even the
• 37:07
  Speaker 5: relationship that our kiddo has there if it's not something
• 37:11
  Speaker 5: that is one of those heart issues as you told
• 37:15
  Speaker 5: us years ago, yes, stick to the heart issues, you know.
• 37:19
  Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, good, Yeah, that's the heart issues thing. I
• 37:22
  Speaker 7: was actually just about to say that because that is
• 37:25
  Speaker 7: one of the things that kind of brings us back to,
• 37:29
  Speaker 7: like the point that would like if it's something that's
• 37:32
  Speaker 7: going to affect their character, you know. And I remember
• 37:34
  Speaker 7: you counseled us through that with with Braden when he
• 37:37
  Speaker 7: was little, with you know, all the issues that he
• 37:39
  Speaker 7: was dealing with with behavior things and stuff that at
• 37:42
  Speaker 7: that time we had no idea what we were really
• 37:44
  Speaker 7: dealing with with autism stuff. And I remember you saying, Brian,
• 37:48
  Speaker 7: like focus on heart matters, you know, like, really think
• 37:51
  Speaker 7: about is this something that's going to affect his character?
• 37:54
  Speaker 7: And then letting some of those other things fall off,
• 37:56
  Speaker 7: you know. So I think even with us now, like
• 37:59
  Speaker 7: that's a lot of our like checking in with each other,
• 38:01
  Speaker 7: like is this something we really need to spend this
• 38:03
  Speaker 7: much energy on, you know, because man, there's so many
• 38:06
  Speaker 7: things that are worth so much energy, and there's and
• 38:09
  Speaker 7: if we're putting all of our energy into all of
• 38:11
  Speaker 7: the things that we're dealing with in parenting, it's exhausting,
• 38:15
  Speaker 7: you know, and it's not worth it.
• 38:17
  Speaker 6: So I remember getting a call from and I love
• 38:19
  Speaker 6: that you guys brought up the heart issue. I remember
• 38:21
  Speaker 6: getting a call from another dad and I know him well,
• 38:24
  Speaker 6: we were friends and we've been friends for a long time.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: Pack I just found out our boys aren't who we
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: thought they were.
• 38:31
  Speaker 6: And he was talking about one of my sons, obviously,
• 38:34
  Speaker 6: and I said, oh, oh really, you don't say you know?
• 38:37
  Speaker 6: And I could just hear he was loaded for bear
• 38:39
  Speaker 6: and he was gonna, man, have his kids hide. And
• 38:43
  Speaker 6: I just right then and there, I thought, you know what,
• 38:45
  Speaker 6: I'm going to deal with my son the way I've
• 38:47
  Speaker 6: always dealt with my son. And he started telling me, well,
• 38:50
  Speaker 6: we don't know what they're doing, and if you think
• 38:52
  Speaker 6: they're not doing this and doing that. And again, what
• 38:54
  Speaker 6: he cared about was appearances and kind of the the
• 38:58
  Speaker 6: what I would say, the Christian thing. And what I
• 39:01
  Speaker 6: cared about was the heart of my kid and actually
• 39:03
  Speaker 6: his mental health, right. And my heart broke when I
• 39:07
  Speaker 6: heard about some of the behavior stuff that had been
• 39:09
  Speaker 6: let's say uncovered. And I knew a lot of it, right,
• 39:12
  Speaker 6: it wasn't a surprise to me, but some of the
• 39:15
  Speaker 6: details that he had seen on a conversation, a text
• 39:18
  Speaker 6: conversation between the two boys had just alarmed the heck
• 39:21
  Speaker 6: out of him. And he was operating out of total fear, right,
• 39:26
  Speaker 6: And and it was the image part of it was
• 39:29
  Speaker 6: just just the image of.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: Our boys, you know.
• 39:31
  Speaker 6: And it's like, man, they're human beings and they're hurting, right,
• 39:34
  Speaker 6: and there are knuckleheads, right, and there are going to
• 39:37
  Speaker 6: medicate their pain in very unhealthy and you could say unsustainable,
• 39:42
  Speaker 6: ungodly ways, right, But we're gonna help them, we're gonna
• 39:47
  Speaker 6: love them, right. And he was ready to just you know,
• 39:50
  Speaker 6: ground the heck out of him. And again there's that's
• 39:52
  Speaker 6: a whole nother conversation is being a parent, not being popular, right,
• 39:59
  Speaker 6: and following through and having consequences, but always at the
• 40:03
  Speaker 6: end of the day, I love you. I love you,
• 40:05
  Speaker 6: and you're a good kid. You know, tell them who
• 40:07
  Speaker 6: they are, not who they're not. You know, don't call
• 40:09
  Speaker 6: them the name, tell them who they are. We're truth tellers.
• 40:12
  Speaker 6: You don't call them a liar. Say hey, Hackneys are
• 40:14
  Speaker 6: true tellers. Right. But it was in those moments where
• 40:18
  Speaker 6: I just I just remember, it's man, I care about
• 40:21
  Speaker 6: my kid's heart, right, It's not about their behavior so
• 40:25
  Speaker 6: so much.
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: It's about who they are and what are they.
• 40:29
  Speaker 6: Struggling with and in what ways are they again medicating
• 40:33
  Speaker 6: pain in their lives? And do you have a relationship
• 40:36
  Speaker 6: with them?
• 40:38
  Speaker 7: Man?
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: I just heard is it Gabor Mate?
• 40:41
  Speaker 6: I don't know how you pronounce his name, but you know,
• 40:43
  Speaker 6: Gabor mate, m at Gibor. He was talking to this
• 40:47
  Speaker 6: mel Robbins, and it was it was brilliant. She talked
• 40:50
  Speaker 6: about how she was traumatized on a trip and she
• 40:55
  Speaker 6: woke up and there was this kid on top of
• 40:57
  Speaker 6: her and it was this traumatic thing in fourth grade
• 41:00
  Speaker 6: and and he said, so, how old were you when
• 41:03
  Speaker 6: this happened? And she said fourth grade? And she said,
• 41:06
  Speaker 6: who did you? Who did you tell about that? And
• 41:09
  Speaker 6: she said, I didn't tell any you know, anyone because
• 41:11
  Speaker 6: of you know, shame and fear and all that, and
• 41:15
  Speaker 6: he said it was so he said, okay, So if
• 41:21
  Speaker 6: if you one of your daughters, and I think she
• 41:24
  Speaker 6: had a couple of young daughters and one was around
• 41:27
  Speaker 6: that age, if that happened to them, what would you
• 41:30
  Speaker 6: want them to do? And she said, well, I would
• 41:34
  Speaker 6: want them to come and tell me about it. And
• 41:41
  Speaker 6: it's funny you listen to it, he said, explain how
• 41:44
  Speaker 6: it makes you. Explain why you didn't talk to your
• 41:47
  Speaker 6: parents about it, And then she started getting in. She says,
• 41:50
  Speaker 6: I think I'm going to intellectualize this and tell you
• 41:52
  Speaker 6: how I was feeling about it. She goes, but if
• 41:54
  Speaker 6: I explain it, they weren't safe for me to talk to.
• 41:57
  Speaker 6: And he said, that was your trauma. That was the
• 42:00
  Speaker 6: trauma that happened before the event, that you didn't have
• 42:03
  Speaker 6: a safe place to go talk to. And so there
• 42:06
  Speaker 6: it is if a kid has a place where they
• 42:09
  Speaker 6: can go tell mom and dad anything. Of course Mel's
• 42:12
  Speaker 6: sitting there in her heart's breaking, but it's it's having
• 42:16
  Speaker 6: that relationship that doesn't start when you get a call
• 42:19
  Speaker 6: from the police at two thirty in the morning, say it, Hey,
• 42:22
  Speaker 6: you better come pick up your son. It's it's it's
• 42:27
  Speaker 6: you have a relationship where they know Dad's going to
• 42:30
  Speaker 6: listen to me, you know. He he he means what
• 42:33
  Speaker 6: he says. But I don't fear him in the way
• 42:36
  Speaker 6: that he's gonna just just totally have my hide. He
• 42:40
  Speaker 6: wants the best for me, and I think that's the difference.
• 42:43
  Speaker 8: Astely.
• 42:44
  Speaker 6: I mean literally, I had I had a call from
• 42:46
  Speaker 6: a police in the uh, our guy's finest at about
• 42:51
  Speaker 6: you know, two thirty three in the morning, do you
• 42:53
  Speaker 6: have a son? I'm like, uh, and I'm literally dead
• 42:56
  Speaker 6: out and I can't even answer that.
• 42:57
  Speaker 8: My parents.
• 43:00
  Speaker 6: I think so, I think so. I think I've got
• 43:02
  Speaker 6: two sons. What's his birthday? And I'm sitting there, Jamie,
• 43:05
  Speaker 6: what's his birth But it was this deal and he
• 43:09
  Speaker 6: had been at a party that he said he never
• 43:11
  Speaker 6: should have gone to, and he was invited to go,
• 43:15
  Speaker 6: and they ended up going, and there was this It
• 43:19
  Speaker 6: was so so funny because he literally the cop came
• 43:23
  Speaker 6: and busted the party and said, if you've even had
• 43:24
  Speaker 6: a sip of alcohol, I want you guys to step forward.
• 43:27
  Speaker 6: You know, he's lining them all up. Step forward right now. Well,
• 43:30
  Speaker 6: Carson literally had had a sip of alcohol and.
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: At this time, you just got it.
• 43:35
  Speaker 6: This is pre Osu, this is our guy high school,
• 43:39
  Speaker 6: and my son told the truth. And you could count
• 43:43
  Speaker 6: on like two fingers how many times this kid got
• 43:45
  Speaker 6: in trouble. And he's a great kid.
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: But he goes.
• 43:50
  Speaker 6: So he stepped forward, and so I go to pick
• 43:53
  Speaker 6: him up and he goes, Dad, you're not gonna believe me.
• 43:56
  Speaker 6: I go, Son, quit talking, and he goes, no, no,
• 44:02
  Speaker 6: You're you're not gonna believe me.
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: I want to tell you.
• 44:04
  Speaker 6: I said, Son, don't say another word. Go get in
• 44:06
  Speaker 6: the truck. So and I man, I mean it. Literally
• 44:10
  Speaker 6: we were like, luckily fifteen minutes away, so we were
• 44:13
  Speaker 6: in our neighborhood.
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: But I uh.
• 44:15
  Speaker 6: We got in the truck and he said, well, Dad,
• 44:19
  Speaker 6: I know you're not going to believe me. I said, no, Son,
• 44:20
  Speaker 6: You've said that three times. Now, don't say it again.
• 44:23
  Speaker 6: I said, just listen to me. I'm going to ask
• 44:25
  Speaker 6: you a question, okay, and I will believe you if
• 44:29
  Speaker 6: you tell me the truth. I want you to tell
• 44:31
  Speaker 6: me the truth, because I do believe you. If you
• 44:33
  Speaker 6: tell me the truth, I've had no reason to not
• 44:35
  Speaker 6: trust you up until now. I just just tell me
• 44:38
  Speaker 6: the truth. So I didn't, you know, give into that.
• 44:41
  Speaker 6: You're not going to believe me, you know.
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: So I said, did you get drunk?
• 44:47
  Speaker 4: No?
• 44:48
  Speaker 6: I said how much alcohol did you have? He goes, Dad,
• 44:51
  Speaker 6: I swear a friend said, have you tasted this? And
• 44:54
  Speaker 6: he gave me a sip. It was in a red
• 44:56
  Speaker 6: Solo cup. I s don't remember the red Solo cup.
• 44:58
  Speaker 6: He goes, and I literally had a sip. But the
• 45:00
  Speaker 6: the cop said, if you even had a sip, I
• 45:01
  Speaker 6: want you to step forward. So, my son's heart and integrity,
• 45:04
  Speaker 6: he wanted to be honest. He didn't want to lie,
• 45:06
  Speaker 6: so he stepped forward. And I said, well, next time, son, if.
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: You really hadn't been drinking, don't.
• 45:10
  Speaker 8: Step over the freaking line.
• 45:12
  Speaker 6: But it was just so. But I said, okay, I
• 45:16
  Speaker 6: do believe you. And that was it. And so on
• 45:18
  Speaker 6: the way home he thought, okay, that's it. Dad's kind
• 45:21
  Speaker 6: of quiet. We go home and he thought, okay, we're
• 45:24
  Speaker 6: going to talk about this in the morning. He got up.
• 45:26
  Speaker 6: We had a great day. The next morning, we had
• 45:28
  Speaker 6: a very minimal talk about what had happened, and the
• 45:31
  Speaker 6: phone call and what he learned from that experience. But
• 45:34
  Speaker 6: it was over why because he had told me the truth.
• 45:38
  Speaker 6: So it wasn't me overreacting because I got a call
• 45:41
  Speaker 6: from the cops.
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: Just like every other parent in the world.
• 45:44
  Speaker 6: It's like, I wanted to know what my son, you know,
• 45:48
  Speaker 6: what he was doing, what he's going through. And more
• 45:50
  Speaker 6: than more than anything, we had the relationship because you know,
• 45:54
  Speaker 6: me teaching him as you guys did, teaching him to drive,
• 45:57
  Speaker 6: take teaching them to fish, you know, do it all
• 45:59
  Speaker 6: the stuff together, spending the hours we had. So when
• 46:02
  Speaker 6: I told him I wanted him to tell me the truth.
• 46:04
  Speaker 4: He did, you yep.
• 46:06
  Speaker 7: The equity, yes, yeah, yeah, We've had some opportunities for
• 46:10
  Speaker 7: that too, especially you know in the last couple of years,
• 46:14
  Speaker 7: just teenage daughter stuff and gosh, I just went to
• 46:19
  Speaker 7: after Emerson.
• 46:19
  Speaker 8: I had a conversation.
• 46:20
  Speaker 7: It was a really hard one and I could tell
• 46:22
  Speaker 7: it was really hard for her to open up about something,
• 46:24
  Speaker 7: and I just went in and I just was just crying,
• 46:27
  Speaker 7: like thinking about goodness, I'm so grateful that she feels safe,
• 46:32
  Speaker 7: you know, with us, and it was just it was
• 46:35
  Speaker 7: the best so because I you know, I don't think that.
• 46:39
  Speaker 7: I mean, I love my parents so much, but I'm
• 46:41
  Speaker 7: not sure. You know that I had that just wide
• 46:44
  Speaker 7: open door where I felt like that everything could be
• 46:47
  Speaker 7: on the table and I was still you know so
• 46:50
  Speaker 7: and at that I think that, gosh, I think we've
• 46:53
  Speaker 7: come a long way in parenting, and like the conversations
• 46:57
  Speaker 7: we are having with our kids that our parents didn't
• 46:59
  Speaker 7: know to have with us. And then there's so many
• 47:00
  Speaker 7: resources and things that we have now.
• 47:02
  Speaker 8: So super grateful.
• 47:03
  Speaker 6: First, and I would say this I hear especially men,
• 47:06
  Speaker 6: like it sounds so good in my head. But when
• 47:08
  Speaker 6: I try to sit down and talk to my kid,
• 47:10
  Speaker 6: you know you joked and said to talk about sex,
• 47:12
  Speaker 6: you know, it feels so awkward because many times it
• 47:15
  Speaker 6: wasn't model for us. Our parents didn't talk to us
• 47:17
  Speaker 6: about certain things. I would just say, do it. Fumble
• 47:20
  Speaker 6: through it. You sit down there and you feel like, man,
• 47:23
  Speaker 6: this was a poolit serprise winning, you know, speech in
• 47:25
  Speaker 6: my head. But when I sit down and start fumbling around,
• 47:27
  Speaker 6: that's okay, fumble through it. Your kid just wants to
• 47:31
  Speaker 6: hear that. Man, I'm concerned about you. I want to
• 47:33
  Speaker 6: connect with you. I want to know who you are.
• 47:35
  Speaker 6: You know, I want to know what you're thinking, what
• 47:37
  Speaker 6: you're feeling, and I want to tell you in my
• 47:39
  Speaker 6: words how much I loved you and care about you.
• 47:42
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I've recognized this about myself, and so i've I'm
• 47:46
  Speaker 5: sure my kids and Adrena would sit here and say
• 47:49
  Speaker 5: that I've blown it within the last why are you laughing?
• 47:55
  Speaker 8: Something else?
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: Really?
• 47:57
  Speaker 5: Within the last you know, name your recent time friend.
• 48:00
  Speaker 5: But when I know I'm doing a better job is
• 48:03
  Speaker 5: like you said, when I'm asking questions and I'm letting
• 48:06
  Speaker 5: them rather than when I'm telling them what to do
• 48:08
  Speaker 5: or what not to do. I do know that about
• 48:11
  Speaker 5: me is that when I do ask questions, then I'm
• 48:14
  Speaker 5: encouraging them, like you said earlier, Jamie, to process the situation,
• 48:18
  Speaker 5: to think for themselves, because we are in a world
• 48:21
  Speaker 5: where they want the answers, and they have access to
• 48:24
  Speaker 5: the answers they don't. As educators, you know at heart
• 48:28
  Speaker 5: here and have been in practice, we want to teach
• 48:32
  Speaker 5: kids how to think and think for themselves. But they
• 48:37
  Speaker 5: can get the answers in the click of a button.
• 48:40
  Speaker 5: And so the more I think that we can ask
• 48:42
  Speaker 5: those questions and say what about this, and what about that?
• 48:46
  Speaker 5: And what did you think about that and have them
• 48:48
  Speaker 5: process cause and effect, the more growth they're going to experience.
• 48:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, one thing I can say, I remember that Brian
• 49:01
  Speaker 3: did really well in parenting and in marriage. But in
• 49:06
  Speaker 3: parenting was when you know, say you blew it or
• 49:10
  Speaker 3: you you know, felt like, wow, I just you know,
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: overreacted or I just laid the hammer down and we
• 49:17
  Speaker 3: didn't have really a conversation about it. You know, I
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: acted out of you know, fear or you know whatever
• 49:24
  Speaker 3: that you would go to the kids and always apologize.
• 49:29
  Speaker 3: You modeled apologizing to them, and so I remember many times,
• 49:36
  Speaker 3: you know, you just going in and sitting on their
• 49:39
  Speaker 3: bed with them, and you know, one of them was
• 49:41
  Speaker 3: upset or crying or whatever and you would or angry,
• 49:45
  Speaker 3: you know, just getting angry back at you and you
• 49:48
  Speaker 3: just saying, hey, listen, I just need to let you
• 49:50
  Speaker 3: know that was not about you. You know, I reacted
• 49:53
  Speaker 3: out of fear, you know, because and just kind of
• 49:56
  Speaker 3: going into it, just opening up a conversation. But modeling
• 50:00
  Speaker 3: apologizing to them, I think was he so powerful?
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so we hear it.
• 50:07
  Speaker 6: So many parents are parenting out of fear, and we
• 50:11
  Speaker 6: did too, So nobody gets it right, I mean parenting,
• 50:14
  Speaker 6: and and then you feel guilty. But many times apologies
• 50:19
  Speaker 6: weren't modeled by our parents. It's like, man, I'm the
• 50:22
  Speaker 6: parent because I said so and I did it, and
• 50:26
  Speaker 6: to know when you blew it and to go in
• 50:28
  Speaker 6: and to differentiate what you did was wrong and you
• 50:31
  Speaker 6: know what you did deserve that. But the way I reacted,
• 50:35
  Speaker 6: that's on me. It was an overreaction. But there are
• 50:39
  Speaker 6: consequences for your for your action, you know. And so
• 50:42
  Speaker 6: it's I heard somebody talking about literally it was this
• 50:46
  Speaker 6: fork in the road at three years old. You know,
• 50:49
  Speaker 6: they're talking about these parents who are saying, I use
• 50:54
  Speaker 6: your words.
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 50:55
  Speaker 6: It's like they are using the words. They're throwing a fit.
• 50:57
  Speaker 6: They don't they don't use words you know too, you know.
• 51:00
  Speaker 6: But at three they start to kind of reason and
• 51:02
  Speaker 6: they're going, okay, now they're thinking, all right, does mom
• 51:05
  Speaker 6: do what she says? Does dad do what he says?
• 51:07
  Speaker 6: Or does he count to three? Does he give me
• 51:09
  Speaker 6: like fifteen chances? So at some point there the fork
• 51:12
  Speaker 6: in the road is who's in charge here? The kid
• 51:15
  Speaker 6: will figure out I'm the leader, I'm the boss because
• 51:17
  Speaker 6: mom or dad is not following through or man, they
• 51:21
  Speaker 6: mean what they say. But if you can say I'm
• 51:24
  Speaker 6: not going to count to three, I'll give you one time,
• 51:25
  Speaker 6: and you're going to do this, and if you don't,
• 51:27
  Speaker 6: there are consequences, and you enforce the consequences. So whatever
• 51:31
  Speaker 6: it is you come up with as parents, make sure
• 51:33
  Speaker 6: it's enforceable as.
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: Inconvenient as it can be. To take keys.
• 51:37
  Speaker 6: Away and to take phones away, whatever it is, you
• 51:41
  Speaker 6: do it. Then they learn, well, Mom and Dad they're
• 51:44
  Speaker 6: not pushovers. They mean what they say. I'm not in
• 51:47
  Speaker 6: charge here. And we talk about that fork in the
• 51:49
  Speaker 6: road three years old, but they're still doing that. They're
• 51:52
  Speaker 6: testing that. And man, when you set that boundary and
• 51:55
  Speaker 6: they know what they are obviously you know you've heard
• 51:57
  Speaker 6: they feel safe. But bigger than that the responsibility. They're
• 52:01
  Speaker 6: not the parent, they're not in charge. Mom and Dad
• 52:03
  Speaker 6: are the leaders in this.
• 52:05
  Speaker 8: House and the security that that provides.
• 52:08
  Speaker 6: Yep, yep, okay, well listen, shot clock goddess tonight. And
• 52:12
  Speaker 6: you know what, I'm just gonna apologize in advance for
• 52:14
  Speaker 6: all the audio issues. This thing came right off and
• 52:17
  Speaker 6: so hopefully it wasn't too distracting. We're going to do
• 52:20
  Speaker 6: a part two on this and maybe not this week,
• 52:23
  Speaker 6: but we were There's so much more I want to
• 52:25
  Speaker 6: get into as I was thinking about it as y
• 52:27
  Speaker 6: all were talking. So we're going to get more into it.
• 52:29
  Speaker 6: But man, thank you guys so much for sharing.
• 52:32
  Speaker 5: Thank you guys for having us start with thanks and
• 52:34
  Speaker 5: finished with thanks. I do want to thank you for
• 52:36
  Speaker 5: teaching me to apologize to our kids.
• 52:39
  Speaker 2: I do know that for sure.
• 52:41
  Speaker 5: If you were to ask our kids if they walked
• 52:42
  Speaker 5: in here and they would say, yeah, he has blown
• 52:46
  Speaker 5: under whatever, but they do come to them ask for forgiveness,
• 52:50
  Speaker 5: and as a default they say it's okay, Dad, And
• 52:53
  Speaker 5: I said, no, no, no, it's not okay. I'm asking you
• 52:57
  Speaker 5: for forgiveness. So when when I apologize, don't say it's okay,
• 53:02
  Speaker 5: because I'm saying it's not okay. I'm asking for your forgiveness.
• 53:06
  Speaker 5: So thank you guys for modeling that. Thank you for
• 53:08
  Speaker 5: teaching us that, thank you for mentoring us in that.
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: You bet, I'm.
• 53:12
  Speaker 8: So grateful to get to chat with y'all.
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: All right, we'll do it again.
• 53:17
  Speaker 6: All right, guys, let's go and drows some pizza