Latest / Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage / 8MM vs Captain Corelli's Mandolin

Transcript

8MM vs Captain Corelli's Mandolin · Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage

0:00
Oh, God. Oh, my God.
0:12
Look back, but
0:14
don't look back in anger.
0:15
Yeah, it's like cool kids don't look at explosions.
0:19
And you don't look at poops.
0:20
Yeah, I don't look back.
0:21
I just hit flush and walk away.
0:24
The plumbing situations in God's hand.
0:27
Yeah, now God, God has not blessed me with that, so we might be in trouble.
0:34
Battery operated vagina.
0:37
Oh, yeah, level check warmed up.
0:40
What did eight millimeter go up against the first time?
0:43
Bad Lieutenant.
0:44
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
0:46
Yeah, this was definitely a lesser of two evils when
0:50
I still have fondness for that one, but I definitely understand for bad lieutenant.
0:54
Yeah, I mean, I get bad.
0:56
Well, the movie is worse than eight millimeter.
0:57
I do not deny that.
0:59
I think that cage's performance is wilder and more fun.
1:04
So it's another one of those like who the fuck knows how we actually decide
1:08
how what are we voting for these days?
1:10
Sometimes we vote on performance.
1:11
Sometimes we vote on overall movie quality.
1:13
Sometimes ensemble. It's like, fuck it.
1:15
I mean, this was definitely one where I voted along the lines of
1:18
I never want to watch bad lieutenant again.
1:20
Yeah, that's fair.
1:22
I never wanted to watch eight millimeter again, and now I'm going to have to watch
1:24
it another time. You don't know that.
1:27
Probably. We've been swayed before.
1:29
That's true. But not by the likes of Adam.
1:32
No, I feel like I have nothing to add to whatever is about to happen.
1:38
Oh, you're a planet, Ed.
1:40
Welcome back to Cajamash, calling around about wave, many Nicholas cage.
1:43
I'm your host, Sean.
1:45
You're with my cohost Nick and our producer Peter.
1:48
Hello. And we have back for the third time.
1:51
Third third time.
1:52
I should have known that answer.
1:53
Our buddy Adam. Thanks for having me back.
1:55
Yeah, it's the third time because I did in season one.
1:58
I did National Treasure two versus the wizard one.
2:03
And then I did Primal.
2:06
Such a good film versus a different movie.
2:08
Actually, after what we watched, you know what?
2:10
Yeah. Primal versus National Treasure.
2:13
Was it National Treasure?
2:14
I think it was. Yeah, I did both national.
2:16
Of course, I did. Yeah. National Treasures.
2:18
Thank you for letting me do both national.
2:20
Yeah, of course. Nobody had the gumption takes real courage
2:24
to come on this show.
2:27
This is a show.
2:28
I'm actually going to get this out at the beginning of the podcast this week.
2:30
I'm amazed. I love it.
2:31
So the show where we take 64 Nicholas Cage movies and March Madness
2:35
bracket style, Nick and I decide what is the cagiest film of all
2:39
based on metrics that sway wildly.
2:42
Yeah. And I mean, what I really like is that this is a prime example
2:47
of like how weird the bracket can be.
2:50
Like this is in the serious guy bracket.
2:53
And we have two movies that are very dissimilar.
2:55
Yes, we have Captain Kareli's Mandolin,
2:58
romantic wartime drama and eight millimeter.
3:02
A romantic wartime drama.
3:05
He goes through his own personal war.
3:06
At first, when I was watching these, I watched eight millimeter
3:09
and I was like, oh, Peter Stormare. Awesome.
3:11
And I was like, that's our connective tissue.
3:12
He's also the Swede.
3:14
And I was like, no, he's not in Captain Kareli's.
3:16
No, that was wind talkers.
3:19
There's no common thread.
3:21
Nicholas Cage is in both of them.
3:23
Hey, there's our.
3:24
Threat.
3:25
Adam, why don't you tell us all about Captain Kareli's Mandolin?
3:31
Sure. Why not?
3:33
A perfect circle, because it was fucking pointless.
3:37
There's nothing redeeming about this movie.
3:40
Actually, you know what? I'm not going to say that the set
3:42
and costume design were all pretty good.
3:45
It had a bang and cast Penelope Cruz was pretty good,
3:49
which I would normally never say.
3:50
I've never been a big fan of hers, but I thought this was one
3:53
she was pretty good in.
3:54
Christian Bale was good.
3:56
I was watching it this morning.
3:57
I was at my I've been at my friend's house this weekend,
4:00
taking care of his dogs.
4:01
And I tend to watch almost everything with screenshots on.
4:06
You remember the scene where they're unloading all the sandbags
4:08
so they can blow up on the bottom of the beach scene in the movie?
4:11
And the guys are the guys are singing as they're unloading sandbags.
4:14
Men's men's scatting because they're singing in Italian.
4:23
I want to show you this one of the picture while we're here.
4:25
Is that Rainn Wilson? Yeah.
4:28
Or is that old Nick? Right.
4:30
It's about the same thing.
4:32
Yeah, I absolutely thought that was an age filter.
4:35
Yeah, I have to go through a John C.
4:36
Riley phase before I really settle into my Rainn Wilson elderly years.
4:42
But it's a good arc.
4:45
So I thought I thought John Hurt did a fairly solid job, but
4:50
really, the best performance in the movie was David Morrissey.
4:54
He was great.
4:55
I thought he I thought, I mean, you know, we're we're working on a comparative
4:58
spectrum here because it's this movie.
5:00
So the best character was the Nazi.
5:02
I the best performance.
5:05
The best character is the guy who gets the peace stuck in his.
5:08
Yeah, so he gets to take it out.
5:10
And then once the people in later.
5:12
I movie has so many so much depth to it.
5:16
It's a it's about an hour and 50 minutes between credits.
5:21
And this took me maybe almost three hours to watch.
5:26
I just found it very, very difficult.
5:28
The Nick Cage and Penelope Cruz have no chemistry on screen.
5:33
He's just that's not that was not a good role for him.
5:36
You don't like his accent work.
5:39
No, I didn't.
5:40
I didn't like it.
5:42
I did like when he said, fuck off.
5:44
Yeah, that's it.
5:46
That was my quote for the from the first season.
5:47
I believe, yeah.
5:48
Was that also was that his first line in the film?
5:52
No, he said, you know, Bella, Bella Bambino.
5:54
Oh, yeah.
5:55
He cat calls. Yeah, that's right.
5:58
But this the the storyline just didn't make sense.
6:01
If this movie had been made from more of a perspective of like,
6:05
we're doing a historical drama and there's a love story,
6:09
maybe there would have been legs there.
6:11
A lot of what they tried to portray apparently really, really happened.
6:16
Like the earthquake also happened.
6:18
Oh, fun, because I was at my friend's house when he's out of town.
6:23
He just leaves a radio station on for his dogs.
6:25
And I didn't bother doing anything with that.
6:28
So I listened to the I just had the radio on as I was watching this.
6:32
And during the earthquake scene in the finale,
6:35
Bloyster Colt came on.
6:37
Don't fear the reaper.
6:38
Don't fear.
6:40
Like, I mean, at the same time as the earthquake,
6:43
like John Hurt falling down the bottle breaking on the floor.
6:49
Just some ripping cowbell. Yeah.
6:52
So just a quick reminder.
6:54
What this film is actually about is a thing
6:58
on what's the island, Catalan, California or something
7:03
Italian during World War Two.
7:06
Italian troops occupy this island.
7:09
Yeah, Grecian Island, Grecian Island.
7:10
And Nick Cage plays Captain Kareli and falls in love with local
7:16
lady, local mandolin, Penelope Cruz. Yes.
7:21
What did I say?
7:21
And what did I say about this movie?
7:23
The first time we watched it like, man, does she want to fuck that mandolin? Yes.
7:27
I stand by it.
7:28
Also, for this move, this being about a movie about this man's mandolin,
7:32
doesn't come into play that much. Not a lot. No.
7:34
So yeah, I mean, so it's maybe it comes in more in the book.
7:38
But for the movie, they really don't focus that much on it.
7:42
They take the strings off of it to repair his broken arm.
7:45
Yeah. But I think or maybe some broken ribs.
7:48
There was a lot going on. Yeah.
7:50
You get shot. It's a rough day.
7:51
The way it was filmed, the setting, the script,
7:55
the amount of music
7:58
that they were incorporating could have had more mandolin, honestly. This.
8:04
They didn't want to overshadow the man.
8:06
This this script would have been great for a theater performance.
8:10
Awesome. That's what this movie should have been.
8:12
High schoolers. At least the first two thirds of it.
8:15
Yeah. Yeah.
8:17
But the last 20 minutes were the only interesting parts of it.
8:20
Now, this movie takes a hard turn into just wartime drama.
8:25
I mean, it's sort of the sound of music doesn't mean I like
8:28
sound of music either, though. Fair enough.
8:30
I also haven't watched the sound of music since like the third grade.
8:34
And about the same amount of mandolin, same amount of singing, too.
8:37
There's a lot of singing in this movie.
8:39
The Italians are very cheery and singy and.
8:42
This whole thing felt like
8:44
20 separate one acts that all involved the same characters of the same story.
8:51
But there were there would be scenes that just happened
8:55
without any lead in.
8:56
And then the next scene had nothing to do with what had just happened.
8:59
And we're never going to revisit that again.
9:02
There's probably some like master cut of this that's five hours long.
9:05
And all things are explored.
9:08
But is that is fucking wants to watch that.
9:11
That's the only reasonable explanation for what I had to watch today.
9:14
I forgot about it, but I noticed again this time when the Italians.
9:19
Sorry, one second.
9:21
I'm going to say that to you.
9:23
Hey. Other dogs exist.
9:30
I get shot.
9:30
Somebody do something about it.
9:32
Hey, if he gets shot, you want to join the podcast?
9:36
You've invited me back for a third time, but it's like you could.
9:39
You could do this full time if he gets killed.
9:43
We're all basically cogs that can be replaced.
9:46
We're not trying that hard.
9:50
How's your Photoshop work?
9:52
Come on, man.
9:53
You're going to do that.
9:56
I can barely use an iPhone.
9:59
So when the Italians are like flying over the island
10:03
and the Italians like parachuting on the island is done really poorly.
10:07
So when you have the paratroopers coming down,
10:11
but they are disappearing behind the planes that are flying behind them.
10:14
The scales all fucked up again.
10:17
This is my weird artist eye.
10:18
So I just see these things that no one else pays attention to.
10:20
I didn't pay attention to actually to illustrate how I much
10:24
how much I agree with you on that when that scene was happening, I was like,
10:27
these people are they dropping supplies here?
10:31
There is no context for any scene.
10:32
It's funny.
10:36
Then there's the big fight at the end for reasons.
10:39
Right. Because they have to make him sympathetic,
10:41
like Italian, like it's important to remember.
10:45
Italians aren't people.
10:47
Italians are not people.
10:49
I think I boldly made that declaration last time we watched this movie.
10:52
Last week, too, we decided it's OK.
10:55
It's not racist if they're Italian.
10:57
Actually, one of my biggest takeaways from this is the very last scene
11:03
when he just shows up and she's like looking for lemony.
11:07
He was like, oh, she's down over there.
11:09
I was doing the whole like I tried to live without you,
11:11
but I can't live without you.
11:13
And all I could focus on was suit.
11:15
The reason was because of when that movie was made, when we did the
11:20
when we did the episode with National Treasure
11:23
and I was making fun of Sean Bean's suit being so overly sized.
11:28
And Peter was like, it was of an era.
11:31
And that's like I sat there looking at I was like another suit made by Jinko.
11:35
And then I just heard Peter go, it's of an era.
11:38
And it was like, oh, my God, why?
11:40
Why are there no tailors?
11:43
You know, five years ago, what I took away from that scene,
11:45
this is the this movie does one thing perfectly that no other movie
11:49
we've watched has done.
11:51
And this movie is the best movie because of it.
11:53
Nick Cage gets a haircut between leaving the island
11:56
and coming back several years later.
11:59
Yeah, I hate when people have the same haircut for seven years,
12:02
and it's the same length.
12:04
Do you remember what this movie went up against in season one
12:07
because this went through is like, oh, it was against Lord of War.
12:11
Oh, yeah.
12:14
Lord of War was bad.
12:15
Yeah, that's another that's one that I did not make it through.
12:19
I did make it all the way through both of these films.
12:21
That's literally the bare minimum.
12:23
I'm asking you this the minimum for this.
12:26
This was this was a rough round for me, I'm going to be honest.
12:30
Yeah, the juxtaposition on these two movies is something else.
12:34
Listen, they can't all be bangers.
12:35
The so a millimeter has some bangers in it.
12:40
I was just thinking about how great of an idea would be to just continue
12:43
inviting Adam onto the podcast forever,
12:46
but not actually doing the bracketed movies
12:49
and not telling him just constantly worse and worse movies.
12:54
Seasonal, you know, I don't know how all of these keep making it further
12:58
in the bracket, Adam, but we're going to need you to watch 211
13:03
and pay the ghost. So have have any of you
13:07
like watched White Christmas recently?
13:10
I mean, no. OK, so I'll watch White Christmas
13:13
on either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.
13:16
And then we just watch like Hallmark Christmas movies all night.
13:19
But I watch White Christmas at least once a year.
13:22
And it's White Christmas.
13:25
It's a little, you know, white supremacy movie from back in the day.
13:29
If anybody remembers it, it starts out in wartime
13:33
and because it was made like 70 years ago,
13:37
the set is clearly like just a painted backdrop
13:41
and really bad lighting.
13:44
And what they were trying to do to imagine
13:48
what war might be like for people.
13:52
And this movie reminded me of that.
13:55
It was just like all of it was filmed on a stage somewhere.
13:57
And it is actually filmed on the island where all of this happened, I believe.
14:01
And it's like it was a gorgeous setting.
14:03
And they still took no advantage of what they had.
14:07
And they just it was like a different director.
14:10
Every scene. I do enjoy a movie like those sorts like.
14:14
OK, we have Greeks and Italians, but everyone's going to speak English.
14:18
But just to remind you that the Greeks and Italians, every once in a while,
14:21
they'll say one word in a different language.
14:24
That really bothered me.
14:26
Apparently, Ebert, one of his biggest beefs with this is like
14:29
a character said something in English with an accent
14:34
and somebody else said in English, what did he say?
14:37
And then it was repeated
14:39
in English, but in a different accent.
14:41
And it was like, man, we're not trying here at all.
14:44
I really like that this movie had prostitutes in it.
14:48
Were they? Do we know that?
14:50
We had to have been. They were hanging out with Italians.
14:52
Oh, yeah. She's.
14:55
A real quiet Mike night for Nick until right then.
14:59
Yeah. Like, OK, they do call them prostitutes.
15:03
So if they're paid to be there, like is it just a free vacation?
15:08
Like all expenses paid thing, are they getting paid by the hour?
15:10
It's probably like an expense account thing. All right.
15:13
Wait, do you build that to the government?
15:15
The Italian government? Yeah.
15:17
So most of the taxes go
15:19
our prostitutes and cigarettes.
15:21
I was sort of trying to figure out while I was watching it,
15:24
like, where's Nick Cage going to just do Nick Cage shit?
15:28
And no, I actually it I didn't notice it when it was happening.
15:33
And it might have been scripted.
15:34
I don't want it to have been.
15:36
But when the character, I think his name was Carlo came in,
15:40
he had been fighting in like Albania or something.
15:43
And then they sent him over to this island. And he like.
15:46
Nick Cage's battery was admitted that, oh, we haven't seen any action.
15:50
We're just we're just hanging out on the beach,
15:52
doing whatever we want singing because we all like opera.
15:55
It was like, do you sing?
15:56
And then just started singing and was like trying to bring him in
15:59
and like hand motions and like, oh, hand motions.
16:03
And he just stood there silently.
16:06
It's very possible that Nick Cage just did that.
16:09
And the actor playing Carlo was I don't I don't know what I don't know
16:13
what we're doing because he just stood there and stared blankly.
16:16
Either way, it's pretty good.
16:17
Carlo also seriously loved Captain Curly.
16:21
I mean, through no like real reasons that we see.
16:24
But like when he gives her when he gives Palme Cruz, the speech is like
16:28
that you love him.
16:30
You think without him, your world would end or whatever.
16:33
That speech is like, oh, you also love this guy enough to die for him.
16:37
Yep. Yeah. Was he was he the human shield?
16:39
Yeah, that's what I thought. He's the biggest one.
16:41
Yeah. The most absorbent.
16:47
It's bullet sponge is a term in video games.
16:49
Yeah, right. Screw you.
16:53
Fuck off. Yeah.
16:56
Yeah, I don't know.
16:57
I found the whole thing kind of disjointed.
16:59
It was too many stories.
17:00
None of them really fleshed out at all.
17:04
And then there's just like a bunch of people just get murdered.
17:07
Then there's an earthquake and then it's over.
17:09
Yeah. I think this movie is it.
17:12
I don't feel as negatively about this movie as you do for sure.
17:15
But I think that the first two thirds of it are really the only parts
17:18
of the movie that I care for.
17:20
Yeah, it could definitely have just been a series of rumps
17:25
around the island and just make it a little more of a comedy.
17:29
Yeah, that's weird.
17:30
Having a comedy about an Italian soldier during World War
17:33
two and his prostitutes.
17:35
But it would have been a lot of fun and I would have enjoyed it.
17:41
Parts were fun.
17:42
Little bits and pieces.
17:44
You get that kind of vibe with Mondra's in a way.
17:46
I mean, it doesn't go on a comedic route.
17:48
It's a little playful until, you know, and his mom makes fun of his penis.
17:52
Yeah. Yeah.
17:53
His mom does make fun of his penis.
17:54
Let's pitch a different titles for this movie,
17:56
because mine's the kakoldri of Mondra's.
17:59
I didn't come prepared to play your games.
18:02
And I don't have a follow up for that.
18:04
I think you just renamed it.
18:05
Yeah.
18:06
I did think it was a really stupid name for the movie after I saw it was like,
18:10
I want to say I'd be curious to read the book,
18:12
but my only reason for wanting to read the book was would be to confirm
18:17
my bias against the execution of the film adaptation.
18:21
Oh, I thought you were going to say confirm your bias against books.
18:25
I knew it. These things are bullshit.
18:28
OK, I can't remember.
18:28
Does John Hurt have a voiceover narration at the beginning of the movie?
18:33
Is it just at the end where they throw that in because they were done with this film?
18:36
No, it doesn't.
18:36
No, it's with the media res with the P. All right.
18:39
So, yeah. So this movie just at the end is just like,
18:42
and here's John Hurt kind of just hand wiping away the rest of the film.
18:47
We're getting over now.
18:48
But they kind of try that tight in with him writing a note to Captain Correlli
18:53
because she gets a record from Italy of the song he wrote for her.
18:58
But on guitar.
19:00
Yeah. Which like, what the fuck?
19:02
Well, you have one one job.
19:05
Play a fucking mandolin.
19:07
Yeah, the strings are inside his body.
19:08
He couldn't play it.
19:09
I like in the letter he wrote, like, I do not know if you are alive
19:12
or if someone sent your record and like,
19:14
you know, obviously he lived long enough to record a record.
19:17
So probably alive.
19:21
It's an odd film.
19:22
And I didn't care that they were together in the end.
19:25
It also just doesn't make a lot of sense that they would have been,
19:29
especially after that one lady got hung.
19:32
Yeah, straight up.
19:33
Rung up. Yeah.
19:34
Like just for, you know, the crime of liking a Nazi.
19:38
He was the captain of the Italian battery that was.
19:41
On a military like occupation of their country.
19:48
There's that scene right in the middle where he's like
19:51
saying something about the like the way he feels about her
19:54
leaves him feeling hopeless or something.
19:55
How I felt about the film and that scene.
19:59
But like, and then they just sort of like fuck in the woods.
20:01
And it's like none of this makes any sense that this would ever happen.
20:06
I will say them fucking in the woods at one and a half speed is hilarious.
20:10
I would recommend.
20:14
So that's I had no interest in revisiting this movie, but OK until now.
20:21
I mean, when you said you were going to like one and a half speed,
20:22
these films like both these films would be great chipmunked.
20:25
Well, it is. Yeah.
20:26
I mean, you kind of get that vibe, but it also has sort of that like
20:28
old school film vibe where it's like people trying to outrun a train
20:33
or like a building falling and then they're just standing in the doorframe.
20:35
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
20:37
So on the matrix of good movie, good cage, bad movie, bad cage, good, bad, bad, good.
20:42
Orac, where do you place this movie in this cage?
20:45
I thought it was a I thought it was a bad movie and I thought it was bad cage.
20:49
And I don't think it was bad cage because of anything he did.
20:51
I think just a bad casting choice that like
20:54
there are actors who could have played that role.
20:57
But a dramatic romance is not Nick Cage.
21:02
It just it just did not work for me.
21:04
If they had done his role like that, Wally's Wonderland or whatever,
21:09
where he just didn't say a word, maybe.
21:15
He does all of his speaking through his fingers.
21:17
Just yeah. That's that's that's very Italian of him.
21:21
When he was talking about how hopeless he felt and he was like,
21:23
and he he just written that song and played it for on Pandaline.
21:26
It's like my hands felt wooden.
21:30
This movie sucked.
21:32
I'm sorry. This movie sucked.
21:33
Yeah, I agree.
21:34
That's like Nick Cage is not right for this role.
21:37
And or if you want to have this performance,
21:40
this needed to be a more lighthearted screwball comedy.
21:45
Yeah. Or more about war like that could have worked, too,
21:49
because then he could have like been a weird
21:52
Italian army captain and like cage out and shoot guns.
21:56
And oh, yeah. Like if he went full fascist.
22:00
I don't know what you're trying to bait me into here.
22:03
I'm not. They're the Italians.
22:05
They're part of the axis.
22:07
They were. These are.
22:08
Facts. So I.
22:10
And are you are you denying these things happened?
22:12
It's. Are you denying these facts about World War Two?
22:16
That's another.
22:17
That's another weird thing about this movie is you don't know.
22:20
They make everybody into somebody you're trying to root for.
22:24
Tip Mondras. Yeah.
22:25
Fuck Mondras.
22:27
And all he ever did was stood up for his fucking island.
22:30
Yeah. And get shot in the ass.
22:32
Yeah. And tie his fiance to a chair for no reason.
22:35
He is kind of a douche bag.
22:37
Yeah. But yeah, he like he they get engaged.
22:39
And then at the party, he ties her to a chair and like pranks her.
22:43
Yeah. Ties like the back ribbon of her dress around the ladder back of the chair.
22:47
He looks so chuffed about it, too.
22:48
Yeah. I mean, obviously, it was a pretty good prank.
22:51
OK. Not just does some fucking fantastic, like little hops
22:56
and skips back before he goes to war the first time he like is a joyful little child.
23:01
And then it gets beat the fuck out of him.
23:03
Now, the scene where he was introduced,
23:06
when he gets shot by a bunch of rocks out of a cannon.
23:11
I think the way it's introduced, because there's still all the smoke
23:14
from the cannon fire, I thought that was going to be that was Nick Cage.
23:18
Just because that's the only part where like somebody's like
23:20
seriously screaming in a cage way.
23:24
He just like shazam out of that cannon.
23:27
Yeah. He was a genie.
23:28
It was like like a whole bunch of rocks got fired out of Canada
23:32
as like a show of like we're having this party and then there's just like,
23:34
Oh, God, it hurts.
23:37
I was like, it's a weird way to introduce Nick Cage.
23:39
And I don't know how a mandolin is going to come into this.
23:41
And then it's Christian Bale.
23:43
It's Christian Bale and his bare ass.
23:45
The machinist himself.
23:49
So Nick, what do you think?
23:50
I'm not opposed to Nick Cage's performance so much.
23:55
You know, it's not the worst thing I've ever seen him do.
23:58
It is not a good movie, though.
24:00
Maybe maybe like I said, the first two thirds are fine
24:05
ish for me if I just leave them as what they are.
24:08
But it's not a great movie.
24:10
Good Nick Cage and I don't know, tepid movie.
24:15
You give that good Nick Cage.
24:16
Good enough. I mean, again, I don't think and you even said like, you know.
24:20
I thought we were rating this on cagey performances.
24:22
Yeah, I read it on rules all the time.
24:26
Like how I feel.
24:27
OK, it wasn't it wasn't the worst thing I've seen him do.
24:29
And he was sorry.
24:31
Oh, no, I think he did what he was hired to do for this film.
24:34
I think everyone did.
24:35
Which is probably why it felt rare, because I don't think he ever does
24:38
what he's hired to do.
24:39
He does occasionally have to think about getting another job, though.
24:42
Yeah, that's true.
24:45
Let's talk about snuff films. Yeah.
24:48
Adam, why don't you describe the describe your favorite snuff film?
24:51
Yeah. Now describe the plot of a millimeter.
24:55
Oh, man, I watched this with Ramona and both of us were like
24:59
both whose first time either one of us had seen it.
25:02
And it was like, what the fuck?
25:04
How did this get written?
25:06
It's especially odd when you think about that.
25:08
This is also the director of
25:11
what's the vampire film, Teenage Vampires.
25:14
Twilight. Now earlier than that, on the boardwalk,
25:18
Kiefer Sutherland. Oh, yeah.
25:20
Lost Boys. Yeah, the same directors Lost Boys.
25:23
I think he's like a private investigator.
25:25
Yes. See. And some woman's looking for her missing daughter
25:29
and had been like six years or something.
25:31
Sorry if I get some of these details wrong.
25:33
And some of the evidence she had was, I mean, a snuff film that her
25:39
daughter was in.
25:41
And she was like, I can't be real.
25:43
And Nick Cage decides to take it on.
25:46
And then his wife decides to take it off.
25:49
Catherine Keener does not take it off.
25:52
Yeah, she really found this performance.
25:54
Dude, she's a good actor and she's so.
25:56
Yes, it's really bad. She's great.
25:59
She's sweet.
26:00
She misses you. Yeah.
26:03
And then he so he just like he's.
26:06
Play your wife.
26:06
That would make your husband rather stay in L.A.
26:09
watching snuff films and come home to you.
26:11
Yes. So that was the prompt.
26:14
Nick Cage starts trying to investigate this and and finds himself getting deeper
26:19
and deeper into the apparent seedy world of snuff films
26:22
and looking for what was the name of the character that had the machine?
26:28
The machine. Thank you.
26:29
Because you said machinists and I started laughing.
26:31
I was like, yeah, there's the connective tissue.
26:33
And I was going to get I was like, that definitely was not Christian Bale.
26:38
Awkward sex scenes also.
26:40
And then, OK, gross.
26:43
And so kind of figures out that that this girl had
26:47
had been murdered in a snuff film and starts trying to track down the people
26:52
that did it and then decides like, I'm going to find them
26:55
and I'm going to take retribution into my own hands.
26:58
And then just it's it's it's kind of like
27:02
I can see how it relates to Captain Kelly's mandolin,
27:05
because in the last 20 minutes of the movie, everybody just gets fucking murdered.
27:09
Yeah. Like it's just it just becomes a bloodbath when before that, it was like
27:12
kind of an interesting concept of a film, I guess. Yep.
27:15
So you had most of that.
27:19
The that's all I care to remember about it.
27:22
He gets the job from the wife of like a deceased rich dude.
27:27
And she was like, hey, we were she's old.
27:30
And she's like, hey, hey, I was going through my husband's things.
27:34
And I found this this porn.
27:37
You have to watch it and tell me it's fake.
27:40
And then he was like, I can't say that it's fake, but I'll look into it.
27:43
I'll give you all the. That's right.
27:44
I'm sorry. I was thinking of a scene where he calls the girl's mom.
27:48
Yeah. It's just like.
27:49
Tell me I can hurt them.
27:51
Tell me you want me to hurt them.
27:53
That's a weirder way to introduce this whole story
27:56
is just like a rich widow in a mansion.
27:59
Well, it ties in the involvement of the lawyer and all this other stuff.
28:04
Yeah. It's also the sleazy lawyer from Kiss of Death.
28:09
So what? And Peter Stormare from Windtalkers and.
28:13
Rage. Rage.
28:16
Yes, because he was in a wheelchair in that, right?
28:17
Yeah. Well, iron sides.
28:19
If Jeremy Irons ever gets into an accident and has to use a wheelchair,
28:24
I'm going to have the hardest time not calling him Jeremy Ironsides all the time.
28:29
Yeah, like I don't ever think or talk about Jeremy Irons.
28:33
But if he was in a wheelchair,
28:35
I would talk about him a lot for like three weeks.
28:39
You think Jeremy Irons is on Twitter?
28:41
I'm going to tag him.
28:42
Oh, Jeremy Ironsides.
28:46
Yeah, we should start like making a bunch of ableist comments towards him now.
28:52
Just really taunted for his disability.
28:55
His potential future disability.
28:58
100 percent.
29:00
Oh, yeah. Good idea.
29:01
All right. I'm here. I want it, guys. Let's do this.
29:05
So the thing that made me really hate eight millimeter
29:09
was that I had never seen it and it was life changing.
29:14
It was made.
29:15
It was made at a time when M. Night Shyamalan was culturally relevant.
29:19
And so the whole time you just know
29:23
that there's going to be a plot twist when it comes to the machine.
29:26
And you just know and you know, and then you finally get the the Scooby
29:31
Doo like stripping of the mask.
29:34
And it's just the guy from True Blood who hadn't been introduced
29:38
to at all and is just another dude in the movie now about to be murdered.
29:43
He had like 20 seconds of screen time.
29:46
So disappointing.
29:48
He did some body work, though.
29:49
Yeah. OK, fine.
29:51
He has the soft.
29:52
We don't know.
29:53
Lumpest flesh, though.
29:55
But his body like.
29:58
Sorry, Chris Bauer.
29:59
Just feels so it looks just so full.
30:04
And it's like also he's actually a pretty good actor.
30:06
So could they just only get him for the one day
30:09
because he was working on something else?
30:11
Because how do you get a good actor like that and just keep him in a mask the whole time?
30:15
Yeah.
30:17
He has like three lines before he gets shot.
30:20
The movie's two hours long. Yep.
30:22
And I spent like an hour and 40 minutes, like a hundred minutes
30:26
trying to figure out who was going to be
30:30
the villain that we've already been watching like.
30:33
And it just was nobody.
30:35
Oh, I mean, it's rich people, I guess.
30:38
Sure. Was that really the message they were trying to send with this movie?
30:42
I don't think so.
30:44
Rich people are always the problem.
30:46
Yeah. They got all this fucking good ass porn.
30:50
They're not sharing.
30:52
Making one of ones not showing me.
30:54
Also, Joaquin Phoenix is in this movie.
30:56
Yeah. Joaquin Phoenix.
30:57
As Max California.
30:59
Best role in the movie.
31:02
He's fucking great.
31:04
He's great in this.
31:05
Yep. It's got a great death.
31:07
Throat slit. Yeah.
31:08
On that weird cross. Yep.
31:10
Killed by the machine at the will of Dino Velvet.
31:15
Oh, my God. So many great names.
31:17
Oh, OK.
31:18
I'm still blown away by the like score in this movie.
31:24
It's so off putting all the like really weird, aggressive kind of
31:29
it's it's very women music.
31:31
Yeah, it feels like racially charged music.
31:36
Like this is a movie about terrorism, but it is not.
31:39
It not. I mean, like to me, it sounds like the music that
31:44
Zack Snyder used for Wonder Woman scenes.
31:47
Same vibe. Yeah.
31:49
Terrorist. I didn't I didn't pick up on that.
31:51
Now I'm I'm.
31:52
They have to go back and watch it.
31:53
I mean, I I I still have it.
31:56
Oh, you got it. I still have it.
31:57
Exactly what I'm talking.
31:58
I still I still have it rented for another 24 hours.
32:01
I could do it. Yeah, dude.
32:02
Who doesn't want to watch eight millimeter twice in two days?
32:05
I'm taking PCO tomorrow.
32:07
I guess so.
32:08
You know, instead of instead of doing my subject tank project,
32:11
I'm going to watch eight millimeter.
32:13
It's going neck deep and shit either way.
32:18
Thank you, Sean.
32:21
Well, what did you guys think about it for this rewatch?
32:24
I still enjoy it.
32:25
It's a lot of fun for me.
32:28
I love just how deep and weird this world goes.
32:33
So Sean, did you say it's a good movie?
32:36
Yeah, it's a good movie.
32:37
It's a good movie.
32:38
It's an uncomfortable movie, but that doesn't mean it's not good.
32:41
I don't think it's a good.
32:42
It was a good movie.
32:44
It lulled me into a place of security.
32:47
And then it's.
32:48
I felt good.
32:49
I felt good watching it.
32:50
Yeah, but that's because like I've heard at least two real stories
32:54
of your life where you have just found bags of porn.
32:57
So this is kind of, you know, a dream world.
33:01
Like, OK, I mean, it's not a comfortable movie to watch.
33:04
And it's about a lot of dark shit, but like the performances are good.
33:07
I don't think anything about it's like actively terrible.
33:10
Except for Cage's wife.
33:12
Yeah, but she's barely in it.
33:15
It's like it's not overly.
33:16
I mean, it's it's long, but it's not.
33:18
I don't think there's a lot of wasted time there.
33:21
No, I mean, in general, I agree.
33:22
I can't think off the top of my head of like, oh, these three scenes
33:25
were totally worthless and could have been cut out entirely.
33:28
I mean, sometimes you can really do that with these movies, but.
33:30
Everything about the baby could have been cut out.
33:33
There's no need for the baby.
33:34
I mean, it's the loose risk that Dino Velvet is going to do something
33:37
to his family, but like, you know, we don't need to know
33:41
that his daughter's name is Cinderella.
33:44
But we do now.
33:46
I assume that was a nickname.
33:47
I know. I know you assume that you assume that last time, too.
33:51
But why use it in the first time that you address the child?
33:55
I don't know.
33:57
It only has to be her name.
33:59
But I always forget Cinderella by the end of the film
34:01
because they forget about you forget about his family immediately.
34:03
There was no actual risk to them.
34:05
Yeah, because she's sweet.
34:06
Other than second, she misses you.
34:08
I I really just I think that's movie had a lot of potential.
34:12
I think the story had a lot of potential.
34:14
And I agree with you.
34:15
There are some really good performances.
34:18
It just felt like it was written during a writer's strike.
34:21
I don't know. The script felt very June like JV to me.
34:24
Like it was it has the feel of like a true
34:27
like based on true events kind of movie where it's a lot of just like
34:32
matter of factual scenes like this happened, then this happened,
34:34
then this happened and says, being like that's a good overly like
34:37
that's what's the Ramatize I feel.
34:39
So it it has kind of those vibes.
34:41
And like, I don't have a problem with that.
34:43
I think what this would have been better for me is if it had actually been
34:46
like an eight to 12 part TV show like The Killing or something like that,
34:50
where it's just a murder mystery spread over a long period of time,
34:54
diving into the weirdo scenes and porn.
34:56
You can bounce between different locations in the country
34:59
without it feeling so fucking jarring.
35:01
You know, I don't know.
35:02
I think that would help this to not be a movie
35:06
and be something else.
35:08
All right. Yeah, I I I can agree with that.
35:11
A quick, tidy mini series.
35:13
And I mean, I was disappointed mostly because I expected there, like
35:22
for a film like that to not have kind of a major twist in the third act
35:26
was really weird for me.
35:29
It ended like Lord of the Flies where it's like and then Nick Cage showed up
35:33
and it was over like it just just sort of.
35:36
That how Lord of the Flies ended.
35:38
It's been a long time since I've read that one.
35:40
Do you remember the Lord of the Flies episode of The Simpsons?
35:45
No. The way they ended that episode was a narrator came over and was like,
35:50
and then they were all saved by, I don't know, let's say Mo.
35:54
And then it's like, OK, so there was.
35:59
Yeah, there's not really a big reveal or a big villain.
36:02
He just finds he just goes down the rabbit hole and finds out
36:05
who, you know, paid for the tape, which was the lawyer who dies.
36:09
And then Peter Stramair, who filmed it, dies and then.
36:13
He tracks down Gandolfini, kills him and then goes back to New York
36:17
to kill the machine.
36:18
So there's not really like a villain other than
36:22
just horrible people in the world.
36:24
And so, and again, it has that kind of vibe of like
36:27
more of more of a true crime, like we're based on true events
36:30
where you kind of like, hey, we're not really here for a twist.
36:33
At least that's what I got out of it.
36:34
I wish they would have done a better job for the audience
36:37
setting up that you're getting yourself into more of a drama
36:41
than like a psychological thriller.
36:44
Because the whole time I was waiting for the like,
36:48
what's going to be the weird thing?
36:50
OK, did you have a favorite deviant?
36:53
I really like the really tall, skinny like skeleton guy.
36:58
He's your favorite, too. Absolutely.
36:59
Yeah. With his little like, like garters and stuff.
37:02
Yeah. Fuck. Yeah, that guy's amazing.
37:03
Yeah. He really did a good job.
37:06
I don't know. I hadn't thought about it that way.
37:07
Which purveyor of like sex did you appreciate the most?
37:13
Well, I mean, given the mask I'm wearing, I think
37:16
say the machine. Yeah.
37:18
Yeah. You definitely came in full like machine garb today.
37:21
And I appreciate that.
37:24
It took me by surprise when you voiced your opinions on the movie. But
37:29
I don't know that I don't know that I'm going to answer your question
37:31
the way you might be asking it.
37:35
Joaquin Phoenix was a really great character for me in this
37:38
because I could never quite figure out if he was a good guy or not.
37:44
I mean, there there's like a lot of a lot of it.
37:46
I was like, he definitely is doing some murdering.
37:51
He thinks Max California is like a.
37:54
But that's I mean, that's how I had set myself up.
37:57
Like as we were moving in through the film, that's I built my expectation
38:00
that that somebody was hiding something and like a character
38:04
that we were getting to know was really, really hiding something.
38:08
So I thought he did.
38:11
He was he was my favorite character in the whole movie.
38:13
Nick and I have watched it before.
38:14
And I remember my first watching assuming Max California was going to kind of.
38:20
Be on the wrong side of things at one point, but no, it's just a just a decent
38:24
just a decent place. Yeah.
38:26
Yeah. Nick Cage was really bad at asking after snuff films.
38:30
He was just like going up to anybody being like, snuff film.
38:32
You got you got snuff.
38:33
Yeah. And everybody was like, I'll fucking kill you if you say snuff.
38:40
It's like, why don't you just say no, dude?
38:43
We don't carry that.
38:45
Got real extreme, real fast.
38:47
Who do you think this place is?
38:51
I do. I do like a den of filth.
38:53
Max California, like a particular snuff.
38:59
Here's something that's real dumb, though,
39:01
because I did not know what I was getting into with this movie.
39:04
And I don't know. That's why I wanted you to do it.
39:06
I don't know. I don't know.
39:07
You're welcome. I don't know anything about handguns.
39:09
So I definitely thought this was going to have to do with handguns and not move.
39:14
Like, oh, yeah.
39:16
Different kind of shooting here. Yeah.
39:18
And that's the thing now is I don't even know if there's like an eight millimeter
39:22
handgun. There might be.
39:24
I have no idea.
39:25
I don't know anything about handguns either.
39:27
I don't know anything about handguns.
39:29
Just about snuff.
39:30
We're looking at you, Nick.
39:33
I mean, more popular is the nine millimeter.
39:38
I don't think there's an eight millimeter.
39:42
What's your cop audience like?
39:45
I would guess our cop audience is very low.
39:48
Hey, if anybody out there is a cop, you got to drop down in the comments
39:51
and tell us.
39:52
You trap us in part by law.
39:54
Yeah. One comment per cop, please.
39:57
Yeah, I I had it orderly.
39:59
I had a drop a mustache emoji in the comments.
40:02
I had I had no clue what I was getting into with this movie.
40:06
I I kind of remember when it came out.
40:09
And actually, I had I think it came out around
40:12
same year, maybe, or thereabouts of a snake eyes.
40:16
Yeah, it's a snake eyes is 98 and this is 99.
40:19
Yeah. And I had seen snake eyes in the theater.
40:21
And that's the only time I've seen snake eyes.
40:23
But I actually couldn't remember.
40:25
And I mean, I thought I might be watching that again.
40:27
So it was a very it was like a total like I did the same thing
40:31
the first time around.
40:32
And then and then I was watching with my wife, who is.
40:37
An appropriate level of discomfort with snuff.
40:43
What a square.
40:45
Can you define that for me?
40:47
So I know where I stand in this.
40:51
Nick wouldn't want to say anything rude or untoward about this.
40:53
So I'm not going to say anything rude.
40:55
They don't want to say anything rude about this.
40:58
Yeah.
41:02
Before I get into my Bailey's morgue file.
41:06
She's she's teaching herself watercolors.
41:10
So she's like painting my family farm and watercolor
41:14
while we're watching this movie together.
41:16
The whole experience was weird, guys.
41:18
Watercolors are a wildly inefficient way to paint a farmhouse.
41:23
gonna get good coverage.
41:26
You're an idiot.
41:28
Well, I had one thing, one request, Nick, for this because this came out in 99 and we were talking earlier this week about how movies of this era had wraps.
41:38
Want you to freestyle a little rap about eight millimeter.
41:41
Yeah, if you're dome.
41:42
Yeah.
41:44
Wait, you freestyle?
41:45
I've known you for years.
41:47
This is fucking fire dog.
41:48
Is I thought you were learning to bake during COVID you free freestyling.
41:52
You threw you threw a bag of bread at me over my fence because we couldn't get near each other in 2020.
41:59
I'm not going to pursue this.
42:01
That's fair.
42:02
Just like, you know, most things I take up in life.
42:05
I will continue to pursue them.
42:09
No, I'm not.
42:10
I'm not freestyle rapping.
42:11
Okay, very disappointing.
42:14
What did I?
42:15
That's the most I could have hoped for out of that bit.
42:17
Why am I using why am I using PTO tomorrow?
42:19
Then I came over here.
42:21
The promise that I was going to I was going to get us a wrap.
42:24
So Sparkle buddy.
42:25
I know I need a cool down period after I watch eight millimeter because it's hard to get back into my work pants.
42:32
The front's real tight.
42:34
So I got to take a day.
42:38
I will say I watched this on Thursday and I actually fell asleep and I fell asleep with about 25 minutes to go.
42:49
And I woke up right at the end and Romano was like, you're going to have to go back.
42:55
There was no reveal.
42:56
Everything we find out.
42:58
We find out who did it.
43:00
We know who the machine is.
43:02
And so I go back and then I watch it and I was like, so the machine is just some dude.
43:06
She was like, I know it's so dumb.
43:09
She liked the machine was the old lady.
43:11
She did such a great job of building me up to thinking like, oh, shit, I can't believe I fell asleep.
43:16
I gotta go back.
43:17
And it sucks.
43:18
It's all going to come around the whole time.
43:22
We're going to tie this up into a nice, tidy little package.
43:25
The real villain, I guess, was the lawyer, which I could have told you.
43:29
Yeah, lawyers are bad.
43:30
Yeah.
43:31
Cop adjacent.
43:32
Yep.
43:34
So on the spectrum of good movie, good cage, bad, good, good, bad, bad, bad, bad, good, good, bad, bad, good, bad.
43:41
Where do you put this?
43:43
Even though I didn't like it.
43:45
I'm going good.
43:46
Good.
43:48
Like it.
43:50
I don't want to really watch it again, but.
43:53
I misunderstood what it was supposed to be.
43:55
And I also kind of go went in thinking it was snake eyes.
43:59
That one.
43:59
That one's on me.
44:00
I take responsibility.
44:02
How did you think this was a G.H.L. movie?
44:07
I think for me, I don't like this movie that much, but I agree.
44:10
I liked it more this watch than I did the movie.
44:12
I agree. I liked it more this watch than I did the first time.
44:16
So I will say good, good, because I do think cage does a good job, even though he's really not that cagey in a major way.
44:24
It's just it's a better performance than Corelli's.
44:28
And a better movie.
44:29
That is also true.
44:31
And weirdly more mandolin.
44:35
And they fuck this one.
44:36
Yeah.
44:37
I'm still very positive on this movie.
44:39
I like it.
44:40
I'm still good.
44:41
Good.
44:42
I think the things that I dislike the most about it are all wrapped up in the wife and like his relationship, like him gaslighting her in the beginning, being like smoking.
44:52
I'm not smoking.
44:53
You're you're crazy.
44:55
It's like that didn't have to be none of that plays out.
44:58
Nobody cared about your relationship with anything other than porn.
45:04
What was like?
45:04
Is there an explanation for why there was a weird and unnecessary focus on cigarettes in this movie?
45:12
Oral fixation.
45:14
Oh, yes.
45:15
Sucking and fucking buddy.
45:17
Don't forget chucking rocks.
45:18
So sucking and fucking and chucking rocks and.
45:22
Asked as hello, Trent.
45:26
Fucking dildos.
45:29
No, I I think this is a good movie and I think it's a great performance.
45:33
Great performances all around.
45:34
I mean, it's not something I would normally seek out in terms of like my normal movie watching experience.
45:40
But it's one of those ones that I'm like, I don't know what I expected from this going in, but it's like this is just good all around.
45:49
All right, Orick, which one would you put forward knowing that your opinion matters?
45:52
Nothing to us.
45:53
I mean, probably snake eyes.
45:56
We already eliminated that.
45:58
Yeah, what it's Nick has loose to.
46:01
It's not too late for you to vote for primal.
46:03
You can still amend your mistakes from the past.
46:06
You know what?
46:06
Having to watch these two movies this week, I agree that I probably should have put forward primal because now I've seen these.
46:14
I mean, you would have still seen these.
46:16
If you put forward primal.
46:19
I mean, to me, it's it's clear like the only choice is eight millimeter Captain Carly's mandolin is just the only redeeming qualities as they I don't know got John Hurt to be in it.
46:31
I mean, my vote is definitely eight millimeter as I don't I don't hate Kareli.
46:37
Like from what I heard about the movie before watching it, I expected Kareli to be absolute dog shit.
46:43
And I'm like, it's not great, but it's not like it's not so bad that it's like funny.
46:48
It's just there and it's fine.
46:51
But eight millimeter is a very strong movie.
46:53
Strong performances, great directing overall, just a good movie.
46:58
Keep in mind, Sean, that I don't have the like scar tissue that you all have built up for having watched this number of Nick Cage movie.
47:07
It's a lot. It's a high volume of Nick Cage.
47:10
So I can see where you'd be like Captain Carly's mandolin.
47:13
There's some redeeming qualities where like, man, if you're not as invested as Nick Cage's or into Nick Cage as you are, it's it's pretty on good.
47:24
I mean, the second episode being Army of One really ripped that bandaid right the fuck.
47:31
It's tough when you meet perfection.
47:33
So early in the process, that one is one that every time we go back to I'm just like listening.
47:38
I like it more listening to you guys talk about Army of One and the the Rapture movie that he did.
47:46
And there's a and there's a 9-11 one in there, too.
47:50
That is like allegedly exactly just like how now even the movie is a conspiracy.
47:57
It's like I don't even know about that soon enough.
47:58
Our episode won't even have existed.
48:00
You need to delete the episode like out of all platforms.
48:06
I'm very much an eight millimeter guy in this.
48:09
I think when Carreles did something well, it did it well, like it had some cuteness to it.
48:16
It had some interesting characters.
48:19
It it managed to like keep me kind of watching it the whole time.
48:24
But I don't think it really ever sold me on being worth my time.
48:31
While eight millimeter, I'm just very much into and interested.
48:37
I like it. And to your audience, I'll say just very personally,
48:41
just from me having been on a number of guys weekends with a lot of people
48:46
and including the members of production team of this podcast,
48:50
I will confirm next point that he's an eight millimeter guy.
48:58
That's so small.
49:02
It's like just a little mushroom.
49:04
There's a little button sticking out of Bush.
49:07
Manderas's mom's gonna make fun of it.
49:09
That's true.
49:12
Just a mushroom nestled between two boulders.
49:14
Just poking out.
49:17
So there we go.
49:18
Eight millimeter millimeter.
49:19
What do we got up on the docket next time?
49:21
We'll get ready for next time because it's your birthday and we want you to have fun.
49:27
It's your birthday.
49:29
And we're killing everyone.
49:30
Yeah, that's how it goes.
49:32
It's a Willie's Wonderland and Wild at Heart going up next.
49:36
Two vastly different Nick Cage performances.
49:40
Totally.
49:41
Willie's Wonder.
49:41
What did I?
49:42
I said like Wally's World earlier.
49:44
That's that's from the original vacation.
49:47
Yeah, that's right.
49:48
Willie's Wonderland is what I meant.
49:50
We'll just cut that in clean.
49:51
Yeah, I'm not doing shit.
49:54
Anyway, thank you all for listening.
49:55
We are on social media Cage underscore match underscore pod or cage match pod.
50:00
You can support us on Patreon and if you want to you can join and be a Sparkle buddy like Josh,
50:05
Sean, Josie, Rico, Matt and Adam and Bill almost forgot that one.
50:09
Bill and you can join us on Patreon.
50:12
And the next year up is the cage dancers, Ira, John Freeman, Lance and Nathan.
50:17
Thank you all for your support.
50:19
Thanks for having me back guys.
50:20
Oh, yeah, dude.
50:21
Thanks for coming.
50:22
You want to promote anything snuff?
50:25
Well, I don't know where you can find me.
50:29
Just flash your lights at any truck stop.
50:31
And Adam, I just pop up.
50:34
I got a couple consultation opportunities popping up.
50:38
One of them might be in Ireland.
50:39
I don't know.
50:40
Whoo.
50:41
Hey, we'll see you in Ireland.
50:42
Yeah, it was nice having you as a friend, but I think borders are going to be where I draw the line.
50:52
I'm not moving.
50:54
Bye bye.
51:01
Bye bye.
51:05
I think it turned out pretty well.
51:06
Yeah, I think so.
51:07
We still have to mint Gooncoin though.
51:10
Just make it out of just draw it on cardboard.
51:14
We'll just get a hole punch in the sprite box.
51:17
Now, squirt box.
51:19
Of course.
51:19
Yeah, they still make squirt.
51:21
Yeah. Oh, yeah, they still have squirt.
51:23
You can't get rid of squirt.
51:24
Can't keep squirt down.
51:26
The country of Mexico would revolt if you tried to take away squirt.
51:32
That's what that looks like.
51:33
The microphone looks like a microphone.
51:36
Sure does.
51:37
It's a foam hat.
51:40
I could definitely get all that in my mouth.
51:41
Oh, yeah.
51:42
It's weird when you like get close to it and you like kind of stare at it and then your eyes kind of cross and you're like, should I put it in my mouth?
51:52
No.
51:59
Yeah, this is one of those ASMR podcasts.
52:01
My loosely shaved chin.
52:02
Yeah.
52:04
People are definitely going to masturbate to this episode.
52:06
Absolutely welcome for that.
52:08
I've got to try.
52:08
People already masturbate to this.
52:10
Absolutely.
52:13
I don't know.
52:14
OK, so this is my first male dog and I've never had a dog that I've had to get fixed.
52:19
But did they clean up down there?
52:24
What do you mean?
52:26
Like when they remove the stuff because.
52:28
Do they just leave like a loose sack?
52:30
Well, because that's what Brian was saying, like they didn't do a great job with at his dogs,
52:37
neutering and he's like, they just kind of left stuff.
52:42
That's repulsive.
52:42
I mean, if you go to a good vet now.
52:47
OK, you're coming in at a good time.
52:50
Yeah, that's repulsive.
52:53
Or it is here.
52:54
And then we're talking about dog ballsack, so we're not too far off.