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15: Rising From the Ashes: Rebuilding Purpose Through Grief with Lisa Kowalski · The Everyday Awesome Project

0:22
Polly Mertens: Hey superstars, welcome back Polly here with the Everyday Awesome Project and my guest today I'm super excited to share with you is Lisa Kowalski.
0:33
Polly Mertens: This is so fun.
0:34
Polly Mertens: Oh, I'm excited.
0:34
Polly Mertens: I'm excited and would love for you to share.
0:38
Polly Mertens: So we have the benefit, you guys, of Lisa and I actually being in the same town today.
0:42
Polly Mertens: So this is awesome.
0:43
Polly Mertens: We're doing it live and in person and just wanted to help people know who you are, if they don't know who you are already.
0:49
Polly Mertens: So tell us a little bit about who you are in the world.
0:59
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I'm the head coach at Orange Theory here in town (San Luis Obispo) and have been a personal trainer, soccer coach, fitness person for gosh.
1:08
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I don't want to date myself.
1:10
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It might be a long time, let's just say a long time, but it's really.
1:25
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It's.
1:25
Coach Lisa Kowalski: My passion in all of it is to just help people realize what they're, what they're capable of, cause I think a lot of people get stuck in I don't think I can do that, or that's not me and and really kind of limit themselves with their mindset and and don't really try.
1:35
Coach Lisa Kowalski: They don't even try.
1:35
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, so just trying to empower people to realize what it's possible.
1:42
Polly Mertens: You know, and I think so, one of the things I'll share, uh share, for everyone listening today is that you and Samantha know each other.
1:47
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yes, my co host.
1:48
Polly Mertens: Yes, that's how so you and I Superstar rockstar.
1:50
Polly Mertens: Yeah, yeah, so you and I have never crossed paths together.
1:54
Polly Mertens: No, but living in the same city you know a lot of intermingling of friends, six degrees of separation and stuff like that.
2:01
Polly Mertens: So I'm really excited to have this opportunity to get to know you more as well, I know and one of the things you know kind of stalking you on social media.
2:09
Polly Mertens: Social media and hearing from Samantha and now getting to meet you today is definitely embodying coach, right, and so Samantha is also a fellow embodyer of coach, and when I hear you introduce yourself and like what you're up to in the world is like a coach is somebody who just can't help themselves.
2:30
Polly Mertens: But other people, be their best self, yeah.
2:34
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yeah.
2:35
Polly Mertens: And so where did that come from?
2:36
Polly Mertens: Was this something you had?
2:37
Polly Mertens: Already strained of Did you?
2:39
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Gosh.
2:40
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, growing up I played sports and was almost always the captain of the team at some point, just as a group on a team is trying to get everyone to work together to become the best we can be.
2:57
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Think that just started out with, you know, realizing that we could be better if we worked harder together and then seeing what people were capable of, even though they limited themselves with their mindset.
3:09
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, so as a senior in high school, I was coaching girls.
3:13
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, just because I really wanted to give back to the sport of soccer, uh, played soccer and softball and um, realizing that I could, I could have young girls believe that they were able and capable and worthy of more.
3:31
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, and just being able to to change young lives at that level was so fun and that just started to snowball into.
3:41
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Then their moms would come to the games and then they're like, oh, you work with me too.
3:45
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And then pretty soon it just rolled into this thing, right and being a head coach at Orange Theory.
3:53
Coach Lisa Kowalski: The company itself was started by a woman, single mom.
3:56
Coach Lisa Kowalski: That totally attracted me because she was not going to take no for an answer and built something that was changing lives on the grassroots level, not just come in and get your workout in, but now we're seeing people go off their blood pressure meds and we're seeing people overcome, you know, anxiety and we're seeing people overcome being able to uh, you know, pick their kids up and people who are missing a limb and they have a prosthetic and now they can squat, you know I mean up and people who are are missing a limb and they have a prosthetic and now they can squat.
4:26
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know I mean there's so many things, you know.
4:28
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It's not just.
4:29
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It's not just that one walk in the door and workout kind of place.
4:33
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, so I just, it just fires me up to go to work every day.
4:37
Polly Mertens: I was just going to say, you know, hearing that journey you know.
4:40
Polly Mertens: So I'm always curious like, like, where did that come from?
4:42
Polly Mertens: And so, hearing you know, you started to get the stoking of your fire back when you were in high school and and and and like you know it's like some people are givers and some people are getters and you know it feels like for you when you give like you give like you feed into people, like you coach them, you get like 10.
5:01
Coach Lisa Kowalski: X.
5:01
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Oh gosh, so much, so much.
5:04
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Today, for example, a coaching class this morning gentleman was taking a class.
5:08
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It was 350th class for him and he took his first class with me and wasn't able to complete the workout because he was so unfit.
5:17
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And today he's running at 10 miles an hour on the tread and I'm like bawling behind the tread going.
5:22
Coach Lisa Kowalski: He's like what is wrong with you?
5:26
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It's just, it's just funny.
5:28
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You just watch people just really find who they are and it's so, it's so cool to watch.
5:34
Polly Mertens: So you see that arc of their potential and they hit it.
5:37
Polly Mertens: Totally.
5:38
Polly Mertens: You know you believe in them more than they believe in themselves, or you've seen it before over and over again.
5:43
Polly Mertens: You're like I know you can do this, yeah.
5:46
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yeah, yeah, and I think it's what's that saying?
5:48
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Uh, you believe in Santa Claus.
5:49
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Why can't you believe in yourself, right, like this thing that doesn't even really exist?
5:53
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Although, don't tell my son, but you know like, at the end of the day, you believe in stuff that that you can't see.
6:00
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Why can't you believe in you?
6:02
Polly Mertens: look in the mirror, right, you got this well, you know as so part of my background I don't know if you know so I'm a hypnotherapist so cool so I have a lot of understanding of the mindset and you know where that comes from, so I can understand.
6:14
Polly Mertens: So mindset is really something that you just can't miss with you, like your mindset is so fine tuned.
6:23
Polly Mertens: It's so I wouldn't say precise.
6:26
Polly Mertens: It's just aligned Like it's perfected for you.
6:30
Polly Mertens: Like you know, one of the things we talked about a little bit off air is one of my great teachers talks about how we can live by default or you can live by design, yeah Right.
6:39
Polly Mertens: And one of the things that I see in studying you is how you're intentional about your life and you're creating your reality.
6:47
Polly Mertens: So I've heard that you, you know you have vision boards, things like that, and you're big on we're choosing this.
6:53
Polly Mertens: Yeah, so tell people a little bit about that theory.
6:57
Polly Mertens: Like what do you?
6:57
Polly Mertens: What do you mean?
6:58
Polly Mertens: Like everything is a choice or we're choosing this a choice or we're choosing this.
7:05
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Well, I think you know I mean you can go into a day and look at it two different ways.
7:08
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know it's like looking at it through two different eyes.
7:09
Coach Lisa Kowalski: One is oh my gosh, this sucks.
7:11
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know, all the things are really bad.
7:13
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Look at my life.
7:13
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I don't have any money, I don't have all the things.
7:15
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Or you could look at wow, I got to move my body today.
7:18
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know, it's just the change of how you respond to things that happen in your life, and really life is so much of just 10% of what's going on and 90% of how you respond.
7:31
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I mean that that response is all a choice.
7:34
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Like, am I going to level up today?
7:36
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It's like putting on your shoes I'm going to wear the orange ones or I'm going to wear the green ones.
7:39
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know, I mean you just it's a choice and I don't think people realize that they they feel shackled by this is my life.
7:53
Coach Lisa Kowalski: But you could absolutely change that in how you approach it.
7:54
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know I don't like my job.
7:55
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Or I get to go to work and change lives.
7:56
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know I'm tired and I don't want to go.
7:58
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Or, yeah, but I have a job and there's people on the street that have nothing, you know.
8:09
Polly Mertens: Was there a moment in your life before you ever felt that way?
8:11
Polly Mertens: Or, as far as you can remember, you've always realized you have a choice.
8:13
Polly Mertens: Or did that come through hard knocks, like you had to feel the pressure of not feeling?
8:19
Polly Mertens: I don't know, you were restrained by parents who kept you down.
8:23
Polly Mertens: Or you know, like I don't have a choice, I don't have a choice, I don't have a choice.
8:25
Polly Mertens: Or you felt, you know, like I have an addiction, you know, you felt, you know succumbing to an addiction, like I don't have a choice, to this it's, it's ruling me.
8:32
Polly Mertens: You know it's bigger than me.
8:33
Polly Mertens: Or just have you always been like baseball?
8:36
Polly Mertens: When I was younger, there was nothing but there was a boys league for baseball and I remember asking my dad like why can't I play that?
9:08
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Well, because you're a girl.
9:09
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Well, okay, can I try out?
9:11
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Like you know, there was never really no for me.
9:14
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I feel like that there just was not a no, like it didn't work for me to have someone tell me I couldn't.
9:24
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It was different if I went and I wasn't as good as, or if I went and I got cut because I didn't have the skills but I wanted the chance.
9:32
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And I feel like that continuing to happen in my life, where it's like you've got to ask the question, you've got to try, and if the answer is no, then go a different direction.
9:43
Coach Lisa Kowalski: But if you never ask the question, if you never try, then you're never going to know.
9:48
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And I I think that's how it started my, my parents were very supportive in my sports, um, but it just was like okay, well, there's always, there's always a way, everything is figureoutable to quote marie forleo exactly.
10:07
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yeah, if you haven't read the book, you need to read the book because they're good, so good that's so good.
10:11
Polly Mertens: Yeah, I was hearing you on another podcast quoting some great books that have.
10:14
Polly Mertens: Yes, yeah any others that you want to drop, or?
10:18
Coach Lisa Kowalski: any things that inspire you like any Gosh I think there's so many.
10:24
Coach Lisa Kowalski: But Darren Hardy wrote a book called the Compound Effect and it's about just taking those small little steps.
10:33
Coach Lisa Kowalski: If you're taking those small little steps, it's like looking in your windshield versus looking in your rearview mirror.
10:39
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I'm going forward, I'm not going that way, so I'm not going to look that way.
10:42
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I'm going this way.
10:43
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And those small, little incremental steps each day add up to such big changes and that sometimes you don't see those because they're so small.
10:51
Coach Lisa Kowalski: But then you look back on a year and that was a great book, everything is figureoutable.
10:57
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And then Soundtracks by John Acuff talks about in your brain.
11:04
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You have these soundtracks you play in your head over and over.
11:07
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I can't get out, I can't do the thing I can't, I'm not worthy, whatever.
11:11
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And how to break those soundtracks to make them in your favor, you know.
11:16
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So break the cycle of speaking poorly to yourself.
11:20
Polly Mertens: And is that recent or have?
11:21
Coach Lisa Kowalski: you.
11:23
Coach Lisa Kowalski: If you have a chance to listen to it on audible, you should, cause he narrates it and he's hilarious.
11:28
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, just really relatable and really really um just a fun way to look at different ways to get through when you feel stuck.
11:38
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, so yeah.
11:40
Polly Mertens: You know, so the name of our podcast project is the everyday awesome project.
11:45
Polly Mertens: And you know, we we actually just released, um, our uh, this is going to come out in a couple of weeks, but we had released one that's called not always awesome Right.
11:55
Polly Mertens: Every moment, every day, like nobody has a perfect life.
11:59
Polly Mertens: No, we're like you know, we should probably put out something to let people know we're not, you know, dreamers that like don't see the reality of life right.
12:09
Polly Mertens: Like there is hardship, there's death, grief, things we've talked about.
12:11
Polly Mertens: There's, you know, addictions, there's strife, there's struggle, there's letdowns, breakups, whatever it is.
12:15
Polly Mertens: So how do you, how do you face moments when things aren't awesome?
12:22
Polly Mertens: Do you have a go-to?
12:23
Polly Mertens: Do you have a go-to?
12:24
Polly Mertens: Do you do you have a process?
12:25
Polly Mertens: Do you have a?
12:26
Polly Mertens: Like?
12:26
Polly Mertens: It's different every time, I don't know, like when, when things aren't so awesome, wow.
12:33
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So so I a lot of ways to answer.
12:35
Coach Lisa Kowalski: One of them is I say to myself embrace the suck, like you just got, to embrace it, because then that it's going to happen.
12:47
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It's not like you, like you said, everything is not awesome all the time, um, but on the same level of that it, the trajectory to awesomeness, is not a straight line, right, sometimes it goes backwards and sometimes it goes forwards, and sometimes it goes sideways.
13:02
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And sometimes, and just being prepared for those, you know, detours, I think, are helpful, and some days it's not pretty.
13:11
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, I was telling people in class the other day you know, some days you feel like you know you could pull the trailer with everybody in it, and other days you're like being dragged behind the trailer, you know, like, yeah, so, um, you just have to know that there are going to be awesome days and they're going to be days that aren't, and every day is different, but it's moving towards a common goal of being 1% better every day, right, like, pick one thing that you can be better at every day, and then when you look back, it's like, oh, wow, look, how far I came.
13:46
Polly Mertens: So you know, your world revolves a lot around fitness and nutrition and things like that.
13:51
Polly Mertens: So I'm sure a lot of things are dialed in and you know, I mean, and probably still a work in progress, you know, oh, absolutely Post-menopausal, I'm sure things are different.
14:01
Polly Mertens: Oh yeah, you had a knee surgery postmenopausal.
14:05
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Oh yeah, you had a knee surgery.
14:05
Polly Mertens: I'm sure things are different in your fitness.
14:06
Polly Mertens: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:06
Polly Mertens: Um, so that part of your world is probably very figured outable, or figured out if you will.
14:11
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It isn't, it's not.
14:12
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It's funny that you say that, um, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in 2007, the year before my husband died and, uh, none of the doctors were really like, well, you're too fit to have this.
14:24
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I'm not really sure what's going on, why is this happening?
14:26
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And I'm like, well, you tell me, you're the doctor and finding out that not everyone had the answers and I had to kind of go along like, okay, well, I'm going to try this now and I'm going to try this now.
14:38
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And there are definitely days that I don't feel awesome, like I've been run over, left, run over, but I also know that there's days that I feel better than that, and so I just have to make sure that you know my nutrition's on, point at that point.
14:56
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And things that I can control right.
14:57
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Control the controllables right.
14:59
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I can't control that I have rheumatoid arthritis.
15:02
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I can't control that I'm a widow.
15:03
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I can't control that I'm a single mom.
15:04
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I can't control that I have rheumatoid arthritis.
15:04
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I can't control that I'm a widow.
15:05
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I can't control that.
15:05
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I'm a single mom.
15:05
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I can't control.
15:06
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know, those are the things I can't control, but what I can control is how I approach what I know feels good for my body on that day and give myself grace when I don't feel amazing.
15:18
Polly Mertens: Yeah, and what does grace look like?
15:20
Polly Mertens: And what does grace look like, so what you know?
15:37
Polly Mertens: So one of the things I think about with, let's say, influencers or people who are out in the limelight, is you know, you've got to project this.
15:42
Polly Mertens: You know everything's great.
15:43
Polly Mertens: You know, if you listen to all the hard-charging motivational things, it's like you know you go and you do it anyway.
15:49
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Right right, right right right.
15:51
Polly Mertens: So do you have?
15:52
Polly Mertens: What is your go-to with yourself, with your body?
15:55
Polly Mertens: What do you tell yourself when you know your rheumatoid arthritis is like I can't do that or it's a?
16:02
Polly Mertens: You know, if it's a two out of 10, you know?
16:04
Coach Lisa Kowalski: what do you?
16:04
Polly Mertens: say Two out of 10, if it's a nine out of 10, you know what?
16:07
Coach Lisa Kowalski: do you do then?
16:08
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Oh, that's a good question.
16:11
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I think the the big thing for me is learning which I'm getting better at of, of recovery, of rest, of days of rest are just as important as the you know, go with your hair on fire day, um, and giving myself like I'm going to sit here and read this book and I'm going to make myself read this book for 30 minutes or whatever.
16:32
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It's hard, but I feel better when I do it.
16:37
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Or today, my workout is my walk of my with my dogs and in my old self would say that's not hard enough.
16:46
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You need to go ride your bike for 42 hours and you need to do all the things, and then walking is just whatever you know, and starting to learn that you know.
16:55
Coach Lisa Kowalski: This is how this is the season of my body.
16:57
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Now, this is the season of what I need to do and, um, listening.
17:01
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I don't always listen.
17:07
Polly Mertens: So what is you know for somebody who's not doing that?
17:08
Polly Mertens: You know from a former overexerciser to someone who's listening to their body.
17:11
Polly Mertens: How is that different?
17:12
Polly Mertens: How, how, how do you, like I want to say technically do it, or what does that look?
17:16
Coach Lisa Kowalski: like Uh well, I wear my aura ring.
17:19
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I have something in the background telling me okay, hey, hello, hi, what are you doing?
17:25
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yeah, um, I love, I love metrics and I love all that stuff.
17:30
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And so if I'm, if I'm not sleeping well and I'm not getting the sleep that I need, then I have to be able to go.
17:35
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Okay, friday I want to ride with my hair on fire with my friend in the dirt.
17:41
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I love to mountain bike and so, um, how am I going to get there to feel awesome that day?
17:46
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Well, I'm going to probably have to take a day off.
17:48
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Do I want to know?
17:50
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Will I feel better?
17:51
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yes, so then I just have to go.
17:54
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Okay, this is going to be super awesome.
17:56
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I can't wait for that.
17:57
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So I'm going to.
17:58
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know, give myself the permission.
18:00
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I guess, give yourself permission.
18:03
Polly Mertens: It's interesting.
18:03
Polly Mertens: You say that because the you know the state that you're in I'm guessing being a coach and, like you know, you show up to work and it's like game on, you know you've got to be the loudest or the highest energy person almost in the room most of the time, if you will, and so that creates this state, this elevated state that you guys are functioning at, you know, day in, day out.
18:27
Polly Mertens: What's beautiful about that is it keeps you at a more elevated state, let's say, than the social norm.
18:32
Polly Mertens: Right, yes, so you're just living in this.
18:35
Polly Mertens: So what's interesting is your normal is just higher than most people and so for you to, let's say, take a day off or allow yourself a 30 minute, read a book or something like that, which is healthy for your body.
18:48
Polly Mertens: Like you're saying, I'm learning this.
18:50
Polly Mertens: It's actually like it's hard for you to do that, where some people oh, it's extremely hard.
18:55
Polly Mertens: It's.
18:55
Polly Mertens: It's the inverse.
18:57
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Well, and I think that that just being in the fitness industry, in where I'm at, and, and being the one where people come to my class because they need me to motivate them, there's definitely time.
19:12
Coach Lisa Kowalski: For example, today woke up at three 30, open the studio at four 30, coach three classes and then went and got in my car and closed the door and just sat and didn't turn on the radio, didn't open the window, just like okay, wow, that was a lot.
19:31
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And then just sit back for a moment and just go whew, okay, now, let's do.
19:33
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know so, so being able to, you know, uh, shut it off for a moment, just to, like, take a breath and then get back into it.
19:43
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And on the flip side of that, I feel like people expect that from me when they see me out in the world, and sometimes I'll be like sunglasses and my hood on, you know, like this is me over here too, right, like yeah, but you know, I love that people come to me for that because they don't have that and I can give them that.
20:05
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And believing, like you said, believing in people before they can believe in themselves, I think is super important Because there's a lot of people out there that need us, and you know.
20:17
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So we, just, we carry each other and there have been people that carried me through my hard times and my dark places, and so it's just being able to, you know, pay it forward.
20:28
Polly Mertens: You know I want to explore a little bit in that.
20:30
Polly Mertens: So two things I think about is you know the story of um, how your husband passed and that time in your life, and something you just touched about that I'd like to maybe put a pin in and come back on.
20:41
Polly Mertens: Is you know, not everybody has the benefit of superstar coaches around them all the time.
20:47
Polly Mertens: A coach in their life?
20:49
Polly Mertens: Maybe they have naysayers, you know.
20:51
Polly Mertens: Maybe they have, um, the opposite of what we're talking about, like the environment around them or the people that they work with, or something, just isn't a game all the time.
21:00
Polly Mertens: So let's put a pin in that one.
21:02
Polly Mertens: Um, you know, so they're they're.
21:04
Polly Mertens: You know even you, with as much positivity as you exude, and how you can feed into people and stuff, there's been some hard times in your life for real, and so would you walk us through um, you know that it is whatever level you'd like the story of how your husband passed and what, what you made of that, you know so.
21:25
Coach Lisa Kowalski: so, very long story short.
21:27
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, he had one functioning kidney.
21:31
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Behind the scenes is heart disease.
21:34
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, we, we knew that he would need a kidney transplant at some point and had a kidney transplant through Stanford and went through a study where they ended up helping him get off his rejection drugs.
21:50
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, we were riding our bikes and we were, I was helping him manage his weight and we were doing all the things.
21:57
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And, uh, we went riding our bikes in Italy and he went down with a heart attack and passed while we were in Italy.
22:13
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Lots of gory details behind the scenes, but it really it put me in a place where I was like, wow, I don't know who, I am now Coming home to a four year old child and being able to tell his older adult children that he wasn't coming home, and, you know, being the only one there to not be able to save him.
22:30
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And I beat myself up for so long because I did compressions on him for an hour and I just I couldn't bring him back, and so so much of that was I'm so sorry that I couldn't bring him back.
22:37
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I'm sorry for him, I'm sorry for my son, I'm sorry for his adult kids.
22:41
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I'm sorry for all his friends, um, and and living in a really gnarly dark place of shame, and I could have done more.
22:51
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I should have.
22:52
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I, you know, I should all over myself kind of thing.
22:55
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know, um, I should have saved him and I should have made him get in the van when he told me he was having symptoms.
23:02
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I should have you know all those things.
23:04
Coach Lisa Kowalski: But I realized that in order for me to get through that dark place, in order for me to stand up and have people around me, be okay with who I was going to be, the number one priority was my son watching.
23:21
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I wanted him to be able to see that life sometimes is horrible.
23:27
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Now, just no, thank you again.
23:30
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I'm not doing that again, but at the same time, going okay.
23:35
Coach Lisa Kowalski: This is a choice.
23:36
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Now I need to decide if I'm going to let this define me or I'm going to define my life.
23:42
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And if this you know, if this is going to define me in my life, then why am I here?
23:49
Coach Lisa Kowalski: But if I'm going to step through the fire and be able to show people what's possible, because there's a lot of women out there who've lost their husbands, I'm not the only one and say a little about your mom.
24:04
Polly Mertens: you know you have that model.
24:05
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So my mom, my mom, my dad, my mom and dad were on vacation and my dad passed exactly the same way.
24:12
Coach Lisa Kowalski: She got up to go to the restroom.
24:14
Coach Lisa Kowalski: They're at a hotel.
24:15
Coach Lisa Kowalski: She comes back, he's in full cardiac arrest.
24:18
Coach Lisa Kowalski: She's, you know, trying to work on him.
24:20
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And you know, two years prior to that had the same thing had happened, um, and she revived him.
24:26
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So she calls me and said he's gone, he's gone, you have to come.
24:31
Coach Lisa Kowalski: They were in San Diego.
24:32
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So I left Um and she it.
24:37
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It destroyed her, it destroyed everything about her.
24:40
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Her identity was a wife.
24:42
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Her identity was, you know, her, his, his partner.
24:47
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Her identity was everything.
24:48
Coach Lisa Kowalski: She was Mrs Gordon Best, she.
24:52
Coach Lisa Kowalski: She wasn't Charlotte, right, she was Mrs Gordon Best.
24:55
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And so she didn't know how to be her.
24:56
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And you know, even to the point of like, she didn't know how to pump her own gas, she didn't know how to pay bills, she didn't know, and me watching her do that, saying that will never be me, that will never be me.
25:09
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And you know, when I came back from Italy and she scooped me up in her arms and she said now we're twins.
25:19
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And I said no, we're not, no, we're not, we are not, and she was really offended by that.
25:26
Coach Lisa Kowalski: But at the end of the day, like she continued to live her life as poor me, poor me, poor me, and at the end of her life she was still poor me, poor me, I'm alone.
25:38
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And I'm like that's not going to make a choice, Because it doesn't bring them back no.
25:43
Polly Mertens: I mean, you still have this whole thing called the rest of your life to live, right, right.
25:47
Polly Mertens: So one moment you know, like you said, it's choice.
25:51
Polly Mertens: It can define you and make you stronger, better or what have you, but that is a defining moment.
25:57
Polly Mertens: And you, or what have you, but that is a defining moment, and you and you know the some of the beauty, not that it was wonderful, but your son being there also.
26:07
Polly Mertens: I think you having something externally, to kind of like a wake up call, like, hey, I'm, I'm seeing you, like you, seeing you back.
26:11
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yeah.
26:12
Polly Mertens: Like you weren't necessarily.
26:13
Polly Mertens: Sometimes we get in dysfunction and maybe it's like, hidden or nobody's, it's not necessarily impacting people, so we can live with that dysfunction for a number of years or however long, right.
26:24
Polly Mertens: But when it's somebody else's life that it's impacting and your son was there and you were like whoa, wait a minute.
26:32
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yeah, and you know, truth be told, I don't drink, but during that time I'm drinking super heavy and I'm riding my bike until I have to call someone to come get me.
26:43
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It wasn't pretty, but at some point I had to decide If this is going to be my life.
26:50
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Am I going to continue to do this, where I can't remember stuff, or am I going to make a choice and make a life?
26:58
Coach Lisa Kowalski: My son was four, so there's no way that I could like check the box and be I'm out, I'm out, you go go raise yourself over there.
27:10
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yeah, like, so you know, maybe he saved me, you know, maybe that was it, but I really, I really um, I think, at the end of the day, for people who struggle, I, I get you, I get it, I totally get it and people say, oh well, it's so easy for you.
27:30
Coach Lisa Kowalski: No, no, or you're lucky, no, you know.
27:35
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And the same with you, with the battle that you have had, it's, it's no, you're not lucky, you just worked hard.
27:41
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know, you, you came out of the mess of the fire and you became who you are now because of that.
27:50
Coach Lisa Kowalski: This has defined you, and if you didn't have those things in your life, then you wouldn't have become who you are now and as resilient as you are now.
27:58
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Right, and I think that's so important for people to understand is, you know, when people say to me I can't, I'm stuck, I'm like, no, you're not stuck, you just aren't thinking through it.
28:11
Polly Mertens: Or they're choosing more of the same.
28:13
Polly Mertens: Yeah, yeah, you're just continuing to choose more of the same instead of you know clearly some of the things that I hear from you and I'm like Samantha and I did a whole podcast on decide, commit and resolve right.
28:24
Polly Mertens: Tony Robbins, words not mine, but beautiful.
28:26
Polly Mertens: You know, sentiment is like nothing changes in your life until you make a decision yeah, right, and you call it choice, decision, same thing.
28:34
Polly Mertens: So you know you, if nothing's changing in your life, you're stuck.
28:38
Polly Mertens: If you have the same yesterday and today, that's a choice.
28:42
Polly Mertens: You know, there's one thing you can choose, which is more of the same, or you can choose to do something yeah, even if it's one small step one one, one step in another direction, do one thing differently, like you were saying, like those little compounding effect was there in the beginning, you know.
29:00
Polly Mertens: So I I don't liken this the same, but I did lose a beloved kitty cat not the same level of grief.
29:07
Polly Mertens: I I'm sure there are 10 magnitudes or 100 magnitudes, but it's still lost, was still lost and you know there's steps that you can come out of it.
29:16
Polly Mertens: Or what was your, what was your path out of grief, or what was your path to rebuild yourself, or what?
29:23
Polly Mertens: What do you remember any things that you did or that you stopped doing?
29:28
Polly Mertens: Or you said to yourself or you I need to get myself into the gym, or whatever you know?
29:34
Coach Lisa Kowalski: or get out of the gym because you said, yeah, like over-exercising, yeah, like over-exercise.
29:39
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I think one of the things I shared with you earlier was, like after drinking too much, and looking in the mirror, going, that's not who I want to be, I don't even recognize that person.
29:51
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I decided, okay, that's got to stop.
29:55
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And part of that cycle of alcohol came from having an alcoholic father where he just buried everything with his alcohol.
30:04
Coach Lisa Kowalski: He just buried it all, you know.
30:06
Coach Lisa Kowalski: He became.
30:06
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And I asked him much later, after he had become sober, what was it about alcohol that was so alluring to you?
30:16
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And he said I became someone else.
30:19
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I became this guy, this bad-ass guy Well, you know, in his mind, you know.
30:25
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And I thought that, yeah, I became someone that I didn't want to be.
30:30
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So, um, that was part of it.
30:34
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I think the other part of it was that that at the end of the day, with my RA, the way it was, with how I was treating my body, I felt horrible all the time, like, okay, not only do I have like the worst mentality about everything, I feel horrible.
30:50
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So I was just done with being horrible.
30:53
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I was done with not being able to run around with Tyler and not being able to do the thing.
30:59
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And I think the defining moment later came when I was done doing all that.
31:06
Coach Lisa Kowalski: He was now in sixth grade and they're having like this sixth grade end of the school year cops and robbers game out on this big grass field and some of the kids couldn't play and the teachers were all like, yeah, I can't run, I'm like, okay, I'll play.
31:21
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And this one kid who, uh, had bullied Tyler all through elementary school, was on the opposite team from Tyler and me and it was on.
31:32
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And I realized at that point, after not drinking for a long time, at that point, that I was able to chase this kid down and put him in quote unquote jail.
31:40
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Tyler and I were like, yeah, um, but just little things.
31:45
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Like, okay, okay, here I am, I got it.
31:49
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So, uh, yeah, I think.
31:53
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I think, you know, going into a really dark place, knowing my drinking wasn't going to bring him back, my drinking wasn't going to be something that, uh, that helped Tyler become a stellar human, which was not cool.
32:07
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It wasn't serving me when I wanted to ride my bike and I was super dehydrated, you know, and I wasn't sleeping.
32:14
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It was bad.
32:16
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So, making that choice and then deciding okay, well, if I'm going to give up, that I might as well give up.
32:22
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know, over-exercising.
32:24
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Let's put this in perspective here.
32:25
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know, I'm obviously trying to mask my emotional pain with this physical whatever I'm doing to myself, um, and just making a choice to show Tyler what was possible, because he then created this reality of like I'm sad I don't have a dad, you know, poor me, poor me and I'm like no, no, poor you.
32:50
Coach Lisa Kowalski: No, no, make a choice here.
32:51
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Or you know, no poor we're, we're going to make this happen.
32:55
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So, um, we're going to make this happen.
33:03
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So um.
33:04
Coach Lisa Kowalski: He during school, during that year that it all came to fruition.
33:05
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It was a couple of years after Larry's death.
33:06
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It was father's day.
33:07
Coach Lisa Kowalski: At school they were doing a father's thing and I went and all the kids are like that's not your dad.
33:12
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And Tyler turns around and goes yeah, it is, she's both.
33:17
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It was cool, but you know, you, just you find ways to make it work.
33:21
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know, maybe it doesn't look like someone else's life.
33:23
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Who cares?
33:24
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Fly your flag.
33:26
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And that's, that's what I'm trying to impress upon people when I meet them is the world needs someone just like you, someone just like you, someone just like sam, someone just like me.
33:36
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Then we can't be the same and the world's going to need us so that we can carry the rest of them.
33:41
Polly Mertens: So our unique snowflake totally so what do you see in tyler, and who?
33:46
Polly Mertens: So now he's almost 20 he'll be 20 next week.
33:50
Coach Lisa Kowalski: What just happened?
33:53
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So so well, fyi, like, uh, three years ago he was in a movie.
34:00
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, it's on hulu, by the way, if anyone wants to watch it, it's called camp hideout.
34:04
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, he was in a movie and you know the pride mom moment at the end.
34:11
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know I'm bawling my eyes out on the whole time.
34:13
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, he school's not his jam, academics, just this is, they don't mesh, and so he's super creative.
34:24
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So this weekend, actually, we're going down to LA to look at a school, that's um New York Academy of Film Academy, and we're gonna just kind of check it out, see what it's all about.
34:38
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So, um, I think that'll be the next step for him.
34:42
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And you know, because we've become so close because of the years, of just the two of us and I do have an amazing partner man in my life right now who is all the things Tyler and I have this very close relationship where he now is well, I can't leave, cause then you'll be alone, and I'm like no, no, you can leave, I like being alone.
35:04
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You go, you go, do the, you go, do you.
35:08
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So that was always the plan.
35:10
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So, um, we're going to go check it out this weekend, so I'm pretty excited about that.
35:14
Polly Mertens: How is his mind?
35:15
Polly Mertens: You know so there are children who lose their parents when they're young, under six, four years old.
35:22
Polly Mertens: Yeah, that, um, you know that capital T trauma can shape a life in one way.
35:30
Polly Mertens: How have you seen?
35:32
Polly Mertens: You've been there for him and what is his relationship to that event, or what is his relationship to himself, and you know how he sees things um, it's, it's been hard for sure.
35:43
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, he, you know he didn't get to say goodbye and that was a lot, a big thing for all of his cats he has three cats um, so that's been hard and for a long time.
35:56
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know, while I was drinking, you know, doing the thing with food with him, that food was a comfort, and so we're really working hard on, you know, detaching those two things that.
36:10
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know comfort can come from a warm, fuzzy blanket and your fuzzy dog or a good movie.
36:16
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know it doesn't have to come from food.
36:18
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And so we're breaking that cycle, for sure.
36:20
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, I think him just watching me go through it has been a, a big thing for him.
36:29
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And then me just saying you know what, this is not your path, this is not your path.
36:33
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You're meant for bigger stuff and you know San Luis Obispo is a beautiful place but it's not the world.
36:38
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So, as much as I've tried to show him the world as much as possible, he needs to find it too and he's stepping into that yes, yeah, he's really wanting to.
36:48
Coach Lisa Kowalski: he's there's.
36:49
Coach Lisa Kowalski: There's still some things we need to work out with that.
36:51
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, I think there's a little bit of uh, hesitation, like I don't know if I can do it without you, kind of thing.
36:59
Coach Lisa Kowalski: But I said you know what?
37:02
Coach Lisa Kowalski: What's the worst that can happen?
37:03
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Go try it.
37:05
Coach Lisa Kowalski: If it doesn't work, come home.
37:06
Coach Lisa Kowalski: What's the worst that can happen?
37:09
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It's not like I'm going anywhere, so, yeah, so it's just we're starting to navigate that.
37:13
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And he's in the gap between being a kid and being an adult.
37:16
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And he's in the gap between being a kid and being an adult.
37:18
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And we've talked a lot about that.
37:19
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know, it's just, you're going to be 20.
37:22
Coach Lisa Kowalski: That's kind of a weird age.
37:23
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know you're not 21 and you're not 18.
37:26
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You're just kind of in this middle road of trying to find his way.
37:31
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So I'm just trying to.
37:32
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yeah, the world's a big place.
37:35
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It shouldn't be a scary place.
37:36
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It's big, it's.
37:37
Coach Lisa Kowalski: There's a lot of cool things out there.
37:39
Polly Mertens: Well, what an empowering mom to be like, do?
37:43
Coach Lisa Kowalski: something you know if, even if you fail it, it's okay.
37:46
Polly Mertens: Yeah, where there's some parental strategies which are I only accept.
37:51
Polly Mertens: You know A's on your report card or you know you've got to be the best at the games.
37:55
Polly Mertens: Or or, or, or right, right right right, you know that doesn't give children.
38:00
Polly Mertens: I mean, if there's ever a time for us, especially in our development, to learn, it's okay to fail and try again and fail and try again, it's when you're a child.
38:08
Polly Mertens: Yeah, that's how we learn to walk, that's how we learn to talk.
38:11
Coach Lisa Kowalski: All these things is trial, fail, trial fail forward, yeah, but fail trial fail forward, yeah, but you know, what's so interesting to me is, you know, kids, when they're learning to walk, they get up and they fall down and they try again and they get up and fall down.
38:25
Coach Lisa Kowalski: At what point in people's lives do they?
38:26
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Do they forget that that's possible?
38:28
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Like just meeting some of my clients now and meeting some of the people who come through Orange Theory.
38:33
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Oh, I can't do that.
38:36
Polly Mertens: Well, what do you?
38:37
Polly Mertens: You mean, you haven't even tried it.
38:40
Coach Lisa Kowalski: How about try, and then we'll discuss whether you can or can't, you know.
38:44
Coach Lisa Kowalski: But at the end of the day it's like if I can, if I believe that I can, I can, and if I believe that I can't, I'm also correct.
38:50
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So might as well try, because either way, if you think you can't and you tried and you can't, then we're not going to judge you no, you tried this is an opportunity for your growth.
39:04
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I used to say to my soccer teams I came from a long background of coaching soccer and when I came to San Luis Obispo, there was really no high level soccer for me.
39:14
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I was coaching collegiate soccer at the time, and so the local club had a boys team that didn't have a coach, and the boys were like, ah no.
39:21
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And I was like, bring it, let's go Right, let's try.
39:24
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So, um, one of the things we talked about is fix it, and what fix it meant was that this is a long drawn out thing, but take a shot or try this pass or try this move or try the whatever I want, that's going to happen, right.
39:40
Coach Lisa Kowalski: What happens directly after that, if it's not successful, is what I'm looking at.
39:47
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I'm not looking at whether you weren't successful at the move or weren't successful at the shot.
39:51
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I'm looking at what you did after it.
39:54
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And so that whole thing became fix it.
39:57
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Quote unquote fix it, which meant if they heard me from the sidelines say fix it, it meant, okay, you did the thing, fix it.
40:03
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know, go get the ball or go win the ball back, or, if it went out of bounds, run and get it and throw it back in Like fix it.
40:11
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And so there were so many times in Tyler's life where I would be like dude, you got to fix it.
40:16
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Was he on the team?
40:20
Coach Lisa Kowalski: No, but he heard you coaching oh yeah, I think there's His moms-isms.
40:26
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yeah, moms-isms there's so many.
40:28
Coach Lisa Kowalski: But I think for him, I think he was put in my life.
40:32
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I look at the universe in a big picture and, whether you believe in God or universe or higher power or whatever, he was put in my life to teach me patience because, I truth be told, I'm not a very patient person.
40:43
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I just want it done now, like let's go, let's do it now, and he's a very calm.
40:52
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I'm going to go do this thing over here.
40:53
Coach Lisa Kowalski: That's creative and not.
40:56
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I don't want to be athletic, I don't want to try the sport that you did, even though I'm like play soccer, play soccer.
41:03
Coach Lisa Kowalski: But I had to realize that you know he, his thing was acting, his thing was creativity, his thing was that thing that was so foreign to me.
41:13
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So in the beginning I'm like I don't know how to support you in that, because you go do that, I don't know you know in that, because you go do that, I don't know you know, and you know he's acting, or something like go, tyler, act away, you know, like, how do you cheer that on Practice lines with you?
41:27
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yeah, I don't know.
41:28
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So I think he was put in my life to teach me patience, and he's such a kind person that I feel like he.
41:39
Coach Lisa Kowalski: He shows me things that I can't see, so I'm I'm beyond blessed for that.
41:46
Polly Mertens: Yeah, truly, what a gift.
41:47
Polly Mertens: Yeah, that's awesome.
41:49
Polly Mertens: Yeah, so tell me who.
41:51
Polly Mertens: So one of the questions I was thinking of before we got together is who?
41:57
Polly Mertens: Who in the universe, in public life or in your own life do you look up to, do you think you know has inspired you, or gosh, there's so many.
42:10
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I think back to just um different coaches along the way that I've had that believed in me that I could do more.
42:19
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um.
42:20
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Women in my life who came in and out of my life for different reasons, um, but I think what I've said to Sam and when we were talking about me coming onto the podcast, is like standing close to the fire of the people you want to be around and that energy of of leveling up and expecting that from each other in a in a kind empowering way, instead of like come on, what's wrong with you, you know?
42:50
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um.
42:51
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So I do have some women in my life that are that are looking to the next level, um, and so I'm I'm very honored to be in that circle with them and starting to build out some like retreats in the local area that we're starting to do, where people can come and we can love on them when they can't love on themselves kind of thing, um, so that's coming in the future.
43:14
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I'm super excited about um, but I think you know, going back to the point of what you said, where there's definitely people out there who feel like they're stuck or they don't have someone who can help them level up and they feel like they're in their own little box for a long time.
43:31
Coach Lisa Kowalski: For me, my mentors were people I would read their books, or I would listen to their podcasts, or I would.
43:36
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I would pick my coach being someone who I could listen to their podcasts, or I would.
43:38
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I would pick my coach being someone who I could listen to their book and go, oh okay, oh, okay that, oh, you know, get little pieces of that.
43:47
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And even though those people in life don't know that they were my mentor, they were.
43:52
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know whether it was the John Acuff book or whether it was Marie Forleo, or whether it was Tony Robbins or whether it was you know so many people out there.
44:00
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know John Jim Rohn um, all those people out there that just that had the quotes that I'm like, oh, oh, you read it once.
44:11
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You're like, hmm, oh, yeah.
44:14
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So I think there've been so many, so many.
44:19
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And on the flip side of that, too.
44:21
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I was talking to someone the other day about people that who inspire me are not necessarily the people who have become successful at the things that I strive for.
44:29
Coach Lisa Kowalski: The first time they've ever run on a treadmill was the other day, or you know, the first time they've they've picked up a 20 pound weight and they've only picked up tens their whole life.
44:42
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know, like those are the people that inspire me too.
44:44
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Right, they took a chance and they tried and it was scary and they still.
44:48
Coach Lisa Kowalski: They were okay when they came out on the other side.
44:50
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So I think those people are inspiring too.
44:52
Polly Mertens: You know we, when Samantha and I the backstory on this, when she and I had the inspiration for this podcast and this project every day, awesome was um, you know there's a lot of podcasts, there's a lot of publicity, a lot of media outlets for people who have the bestselling book, their Stanford, you know, PhDs, their Olympians or something you know, and we glorify the 1% or something.
45:14
Polly Mertens: Yeah, Just like you said, there's like look left, look right.
45:18
Polly Mertens: I mean I find awesome people all around, in little ways and big ways.
45:25
Polly Mertens: People that have high integrity with themselves, or they, you know they follow through or they're kind right.
45:31
Polly Mertens: It's amazing where awesomeness can show up.
45:34
Polly Mertens: It doesn't have to be this 1% and it's like oh, just because I'm not that or I haven't done what they've done, said like, you know, maybe they're someone that you, that they're the top in some game that you're playing, or whatnot but all the way down there's like all sorts of awesome people you know left and right of you, on your own team in your own community work.
45:53
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yeah yeah and grabbing them and being like hey, stand with us by this fire over here.
46:00
Polly Mertens: Yeah, it sounds like you're creating your own collective um locally to you know, to fuel that and, to, you know, pay it forward and yeah, that's awesome.
46:09
Polly Mertens: So do you want to share a little bit of that now?
46:12
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yeah, so it's, um, it's two women who are life coaches and they've had a business together, april and Lisa, and they have approached, uh, sycamore hot Springs resort.
46:27
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, and we'll be doing, we'll be doing retreats there.
46:32
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So their destination retreats, um, and Lisa and April have graciously invited me and another business partner of mine, whitney bar, to do all of the fitness and nutrition for it.
46:45
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, so there there'll be, come in on a Sunday and leave on a Wednesday, kind of thing.
46:49
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, vision board, goal setting, you know, nutrition and fitness and, you know, creating your belief in what's possible for yourself in your life.
47:02
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, and so we're starting to do that and it's it's going to be really cool.
47:07
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It's something that I've wanted to do for a long time, um, and I've kind of envisioned me being, uh, someone who could pay it forward to people who feel stuck, who are out there, who need another, a real life person that they can actually talk to and touch, that, that have made it through the trenches.
47:27
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know, going back to people who come up and say you're so lucky, it's it's not lucky, like if I want to be snarky, snark about it.
47:37
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I could say you know what?
47:38
Coach Lisa Kowalski: No, it's not luck, like if I want to be snarky, snark about it, I could say you know what?
47:40
Coach Lisa Kowalski: No, it's not luck.
47:41
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I busted my rear for however long, right, but at the end of the day, it's all comes down to a choice Like how am I going to approach this day?
47:47
Coach Lisa Kowalski: How is the highest version of myself going to show up today?
47:50
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, do I want to make a choice of playing small or going big?
48:00
Polly Mertens: Speaking of that, what do you have?
48:00
Polly Mertens: Any morning rituals or daily rituals?
48:01
Polly Mertens: You know we talked like your fitness.
48:02
Polly Mertens: I was thinking it was all you know sorted out, but you know it's very fluid, it's very fluid.
48:07
Polly Mertens: Do you have any things that you do for your mindset, like mindset muscles that you do, or any spiritual rituals or anything?
48:16
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, podcasts are huge for me, um, and listening to people who I know are speaking about things that I'm struggling with at the moment whether it's imposter syndrome, you know cause we all go there.
48:28
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know like, who am I like what?
48:31
Coach Lisa Kowalski: What are you doing?
48:32
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You don't know what you're doing.
48:33
Coach Lisa Kowalski: What are what?
48:34
Coach Lisa Kowalski: What in the world?
48:35
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yeah, um.
48:36
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So I think just checking in with myself in the morning like do I feel like I could bring my highest self today?
48:44
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And if I can't, where can I find that person so that person could be in a podcast or that person could be in a.
48:50
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know, reading a snippet of a book or listening to something in my life is a hundred miles an hour, it feels at times.
48:58
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Listening to something in my life is a hundred miles an hour, it feels at times.
49:01
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And so sitting down to read a book in the morning and having that, you know, meditative thing hasn't ever worked for me, because my mind is like, okay, this and this and this and this, um, but definitely, like I don't listen to the music in my car ever, I'm always listening to how to level up who's who's doing the thing that I want to be doing.
49:17
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, so I think that helps.
49:20
Coach Lisa Kowalski: On days that I feel like I'm starting to not go in that direction and I just start going through the motions is when I really check myself like okay, two years, two days have gone by and I haven't you know, I haven't listened to anything to fire me up.
49:34
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I need to probably do that, yeah.
49:36
Polly Mertens: Yeah, awesome.
49:37
Polly Mertens: Um, so I have this thing that helps me understand people's mindsets and I it's like finishing a sentence, so.
49:45
Polly Mertens: So I'd like to know some of your philosophies or underlying beliefs that have shaped who you are and your view of the world.
49:51
Polly Mertens: So finish these sentences with one or two or three or however many things come to mind.
49:55
Polly Mertens: Okay, so if I say life is what comes to mind, life is what 90% by choice.
50:06
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It's all choice Like I mean, life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I respond.
50:14
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Awesome.
50:16
Polly Mertens: How about I am?
50:28
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Ooh, that's loaded, I I am creative, I am, I am powerful.
50:31
Polly Mertens: I'm made for more Nice, nice, how about?
50:34
Coach Lisa Kowalski: people are different.
50:35
Coach Lisa Kowalski: How about people are Different?
50:40
Coach Lisa Kowalski: People are amazing and sometimes they just don't see it.
50:47
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know, I saw a girlfriend over the weekend.
50:51
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Just her energy wasn't like her and I'm like what's going on, what's happening?
50:56
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And I dug a little deeper.
50:57
Coach Lisa Kowalski: She didn't want to tell me she's struggling through some personal stuff, but it's about a choice and it's going to take a lot of grit and it's going to take a lot of courage for her to make the right choice.
51:08
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And she knows what the right choice is.
51:10
Coach Lisa Kowalski: But she's afraid and I said okay, so fear could be, you know, face everything and run, or face everything and rise.
51:27
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And you need to choose face it now, Cause if you want to run from it, that's okay, but you have the eyes of a little little human watching you.
51:36
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Do you want to?
51:37
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Do you want to model that for, for your little human?
51:40
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yeah, she, she doesn't, but she feels stuck.
51:44
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So I'll just keep reminding her.
51:47
Polly Mertens: You know, so sometimes, that decision is a decision we can always make today.
51:51
Polly Mertens: No so she's choosing more of the same, if you will.
51:55
Polly Mertens: Sure, but you're there to hold space for her to make the decision at some point.
52:00
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yeah, and in the same vein of that, if she chooses to stay where she is, I will absolutely support point.
52:03
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yeah, and and, and in the same vein of that, if she chooses to stay where she is, I will absolutely support her.
52:08
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yeah, and if she chooses to rise, I will absolutely support her.
52:11
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Knowing that that comes from a place of love is is absolutely instrumental, I think, in knowing that if I make this choice and I and it doesn't turn out the way I want it to, will I still be, will I still be held in a place of love, and that's right, right, right.
52:32
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Like it's not my life, Right.
52:35
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Um, hard choices are hard, right, so yeah, but if they were easy, then everyone would do them.
52:42
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yeah.
52:43
Polly Mertens: One of the things I admire about you and what.
52:46
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I hear in your story is.
52:48
Polly Mertens: You know people talk about making the get comfortable with uncomfortable.
52:53
Polly Mertens: You've heard that thrown around a lot.
52:56
Polly Mertens: I think you're living that.
52:58
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I don't know if you know that, but I think Well, I think, I think if you don't, then you'll never know what you're made of.
53:06
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I think the universe will continue to put things in front of you to decide whether you want it or not.
53:12
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Right Do?
53:13
Polly Mertens: you want it.
53:14
Coach Lisa Kowalski: But here's what harder you know and sometimes it's like, okay, here's this thing over here, okay, I'm going towards it, and then there's a roadblock.
53:20
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So okay, do towards it.
53:24
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And then there's a roadblock.
53:25
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So okay, do I go around, or I climb over or how you know how do I get to that thing?
53:27
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Right, but I remember seeing a diagram one time and it said comfort zone.
53:29
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It was this big circle and it said comfort zone in big letters.
53:31
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And then, over here in this tiny little circle, it said goals, everything outside your, it's over here, like you got to climb out and you took it seriously.
53:40
Polly Mertens: You're like I've got to get and, by the way, that sort of what I've come to my philosophy anyways that's just the subconscious mind, that's all.
53:49
Polly Mertens: It is.
53:49
Polly Mertens: The comfort zone is the subconscious mind.
53:51
Polly Mertens: It always rejects anything that isn't already known.
53:54
Polly Mertens: That's all oh yeah so it's like oh, just because you don't know, like I've never been to russia, but it doesn't mean that russia is bad, right.
54:00
Polly Mertens: I just don't know.
54:01
Polly Mertens: Some of the mind goes oh Russia, wait, what Wait?
54:04
Coach Lisa Kowalski: what, yeah, and that's kind of along that same lines of that book, um soundtracks.
54:09
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know you.
54:10
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You tell yourself and your, your brain is wired to protect you.
54:14
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Your brain is wired for no rejection, no pain, no, no, no, so.
54:19
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So when your brain tells you, no, don't do that.
54:22
Coach Lisa Kowalski: It's just, it's a protection mechanism Like and in order for you to expand your comfort zone of all the uncomfy things being inside your comfort zone, you have to.
54:33
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You have to tell your brain hey, hang on for a moment, let me try this thing.
54:35
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I'll be right back.
54:37
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I'm going to try this thing.
54:40
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Hold my drink, I'm going over here.
54:42
Polly Mertens: Yeah, Okay, the last one.
54:44
Polly Mertens: So life is I am.
54:45
Polly Mertens: People are.
54:47
Coach Lisa Kowalski: The last one is the world is Amazing and huge, huge and so many things out there.
54:52
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I took my son to New Zealand this summer this past summer, which was winter there oh yeah, whoops, yeah, note to self, bring a jacket.
55:03
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Southern hemisphere oh yeah, I don't know what I was thinking Like.
55:06
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Oh, it's an Island, it'll be great.
55:07
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yeah, freezing um to watch the women's world cup, and part of the thing that I wanted to show him was these women are are representing their countries, and one of the places that he's always wanted to go is japan, and so we went and watched japan play and the work ethic for the japanese team was like unmatched, just their work, everything about it, and at the end we were like cheering for them.
55:38
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I don't even know who they're playing.
55:39
Coach Lisa Kowalski: We're like go japan, um, but showing him the world past.
55:45
Coach Lisa Kowalski: You know, it's a big place and there are some great cultures out there and there are amazing people out there and if you had a choice, you could live anywhere.
55:53
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So the world is changing and evolving and there's people in it that are making such huge differences that I just, I just want him to remember that, that that so much of it's out there that we have?
56:09
Coach Lisa Kowalski: We don't know.
56:10
Coach Lisa Kowalski: We could spend the rest of our lives looking at it all.
56:13
Coach Lisa Kowalski: But open your eyes wide enough, pick your head up off your phone as we go by this beautiful sunset or we go by this waterfall, or we go by this, you know, and let's get out of the mentality of, okay, there's a car crash over here and there's the sun setting over here.
56:26
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Which one are we going to look at?
56:27
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Right, like, let's look over there.
56:30
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Nobody needs to look at that and, by the way, the people that are involved in this horrible tragedy need privacy, so why do we need to stare at that?
56:38
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Let's look at this beautiful thing over here.
56:40
Coach Lisa Kowalski: That happens every day and we miss it If we don't look and look up from your phones.
56:45
Polly Mertens: I love that Singapore and Malaysia and I had been to you mentioned Japan, an amazing country, I hope.
56:53
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yeah, he wants to go.
56:54
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I'm going to try whatever I can do to get him there, cause so cool, so good.
56:58
Polly Mertens: And it's amazing.
56:59
Polly Mertens: I mean I see a lot in the US of how we are on our phone, but there it's even more so.
57:05
Polly Mertens: I don't know if you Technology, yeah, just like phone, phone, phone, phone phone, Like they walk around with it, just like right in front of their face Not even you know a lot of Americans it's like in their pocket or maybe they're kind of loosely carrying it, but like it's just up in their face constantly.
57:20
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So just up in the face constantly.
57:20
Polly Mertens: So, yeah, we need to step out of that world and step into this world.
57:26
Polly Mertens: The face-to-face, the real live, in-person.
57:30
Polly Mertens: We had the benefit of growing up with that so much more.
57:38
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Children kind of came in or sons come in.
57:39
Coach Lisa Kowalski: when it's more readily available, it's more accepted in their life, if you will so it's like hey know, there's bikes and there's, you know there's dirt outside and yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and and just the, the mentality that came out of covid, where everyone was so isolated.
57:56
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I feel like now we're starting to finally find community of people who went through we all went through that thing.
58:02
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Look at what we just did.
58:03
Coach Lisa Kowalski: That was insane.
58:04
Coach Lisa Kowalski: So, and still finding people who are still kind of stuck in it, which is which is sad and interesting, um, but again it all goes back to what choice?
58:16
Polly Mertens: is it going to define you right, or are you going to refine it?
58:19
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Yeah.
58:21
Polly Mertens: Um, so let's kind of wrap up with, if there's one thing and maybe you've said it, or if you haven't said it, what's one thing you would want people to know or be inspired by or to remember from who you are in the world, like, what is your message to people?
58:37
Polly Mertens: What's one thing you want people to?
58:39
Coach Lisa Kowalski: this, they just need it.
58:41
Coach Lisa Kowalski: My classes laugh at me all the time because I say you do you, you do you like, do you all the way you like?
58:49
Coach Lisa Kowalski: All your quirky, weird, sharp, jaggedy edges do you right?
58:53
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Because the world needs you and I think I want people to know that, that you got to try, just try, just try.
59:04
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Whether it's you know stepping out and doing something, whether it's trying a new sport or trying a new hobby, or trying or pressing the 0.1 on your treadmill or whatever, like, try that, like, just try.
59:19
Polly Mertens: Like a call for expansion you know, that comfort zone you're talking about.
59:23
Polly Mertens: You know, if your comfort zone is a circle on a piece of paper, it's like make it 10% bigger, 20% bigger 30% bigger and, like you said, like hold my drink, I'm going to try this.
59:32
Polly Mertens: Yeah, I'm going to break something.
59:35
Polly Mertens: I'm going to fix it.
59:37
Polly Mertens: Yeah, whatever that can look like yeah.
59:44
Polly Mertens: You know, relationship, or I'm gonna speak up, right.
59:45
Polly Mertens: You know, say yes to this thing or I'm gonna say no to that person that I always say yes to, that I always regret saying yeah, have a boundary.
59:49
Coach Lisa Kowalski: But you know, I have a, a board right now.
59:52
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I write down things that are inspiring at the time, and one of them is try something that makes you want to vomit, like, okay, that was super scary, but okay, you know so.
1:00:05
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And then you know, making sure that being comfy because being comfy is great, but knowing that if you, if there are things out there that you want, that it's going to be uncomfy to get them and you just have to try and make choice, make a choice and try.
1:00:21
Polly Mertens: That's's you embracing that, embracing the suck and being comfortable with uncomfortable.
1:00:25
Polly Mertens: You've learned that you know through your life in many ways.
1:00:29
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I'm sure fitness was maybe a path to it, but it totally was a lot more even and learning that being uncomfortable doesn't always mean that that is the right choice.
1:00:37
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Like over exercising to a point of injury for me, um, because I was just trying to quiet my emotional mind, um, and then realizing, wow, that that wasn't a good choice.
1:00:50
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Okay, just kidding, can I have a do over?
1:00:56
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I'm fixing that, yeah, so uh, and and being able to have, have humility and being able to say, you're sorry, that if you try something that didn't work and it maybe accidentally hurt someone, then of course you're not going to do that, but, at the end of the day, making choices that are based on leveling up and being the best version of me possible.
1:01:20
Coach Lisa Kowalski: What I say to Tyler all the time is make the next right choice.
1:01:23
Coach Lisa Kowalski: What's the next right choice for me?
1:01:26
Coach Lisa Kowalski: I made that one, okay.
1:01:27
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Now what's the next right?
1:01:28
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Make the next right choice.
1:01:30
Coach Lisa Kowalski: And so he's.
1:01:33
Coach Lisa Kowalski: He's like yeah, yeah, I know, I know, you know he's going off into someday.
1:01:38
Polly Mertens: he'll hear me, I don't know so what a, what a beautiful guide for a young man growing up in a world with lots of you know confusion out there.
1:01:48
Polly Mertens: Good choices, bad choice, whatever you want to call it, you know so you can become some foundation of you.
1:01:53
Polly Mertens: Know who he is.
1:01:54
Polly Mertens: It's okay to make you know screw ups or mix ups.
1:01:58
Polly Mertens: That's part of life, and don't not do it, just just you know.
1:02:02
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Don't shrink your world, expand it yeah, yeah, like what's the worst that can happen that's awesome.
1:02:09
Polly Mertens: That's awesome.
1:02:10
Polly Mertens: Well, this has been amazing amazing, amazing, such an honor, such an honor.
1:02:15
Polly Mertens: I'm just going to remind um those of you listening.
1:02:18
Polly Mertens: Thank you so much for joining us.
1:02:19
Coach Lisa Kowalski: Lisa, thank you for being oh, thank you for having me, it's been amazing.
1:02:23
Polly Mertens: Remember beautiful humans.
1:02:24
Polly Mertens: How your life feels is more important than how it looks, and every day is your opportunity to find your awesome.