Latest / The Daily Sarcast / July 24th, 2026: Prime Ministers Who Don't Sleep, Berry Parents And Getting Locked Out Of My Apartment

Transcript

July 24th, 2026: Prime Ministers Who Don't Sleep, Berry Parents And Getting Locked Out Of My Apartment · The Daily Sarcast

• 0:00
  Introducing the Executive Sleep Replacement Program. The first product designed
• 0:04
  for people who think sleeping is for people who aren't ambitious enough.
• 0:08
  This new technology will replace your nightly 8 hours with 3 hours of panic,
• 0:13
  a cold shower, and telling everyone that you're doing great.
• 0:17
  This is perfect for CEOs, politicians, and anyone who answers emails at 2am.
• 0:22
  Executive Sleep Replacement Program, because who needs REM cycles when you have
• 0:27
  a full calendar of meetings?
• 0:29
  Trump didn't come tonight because he got caught in sex traffic.
• 0:33
  Whitney Cummings joke during her Netflix special at the Kennedy Center that got cut.
• 0:38
  Insert theme song here. This is the Daily Sarcast. I give you the news and maybe a laugh.
• 0:43
  I'm Lindsay Vernick and today is July 24th, 2026.
• 0:47
  I want to give a big shout out today to one of my best friends,
• 0:51
  Casey Brush up in Vermont.
• 0:54
  Kasey is a very avid Daily Starcast follower who actually gave me the idea to
• 1:01
  launch this pod. So without Kasey, there wouldn't be a pod.
• 1:03
  So she gets a very special shout out today. Love you, Kase.
• 1:07
  So in real news, Japan's prime minister is reminding everyone that sleep is
• 1:11
  optional, at least according to her.
• 1:15
  The PM, Sanae Takechi, recently revealed that she gets anywhere from 0 to 3
• 1:22
  hours of sleep a night because she spends her evenings working,
• 1:25
  answering emails, and catching up on documents.
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  0 to 3 hours. That is literally not sleeping.
• 1:31
  That's like a computer running on 2% battery with 47 tabs open.
• 1:36
  Like, I hope she doesn't have an aura ring because that must be freaking the F out at her.
• 1:42
  Some people have obviously been praising her work ethic and others are like
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  japan already is a serious problem with overwork and there's literally like
• 1:51
  a term for people who work too much that they die,
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  so that feels like a pretty big warning sign right there's a difference between
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  being dedicated and treating your body like a phone charger that you forgot at the airport.
• 2:04
  Also, she said that she used a holiday weekend to catch up on work and household chores.
• 2:10
  Like, we use the holidays to avoid opening emails and convincing ourselves laundry
• 2:14
  is a problem for Monday us.
• 2:17
  I'm not saying leaders shouldn't work hard, but if your morning routine starts
• 2:20
  with, wake up for my 90-minute nap and run a country, maybe it's time to schedule
• 2:25
  a meeting with the concept of bedtime.
• 2:28
  Next up, imagine training all year, I mean like your whole life,
• 2:32
  for the Tour de France, climbing mountains, you're biking more than 2,000 miles,
• 2:37
  and then you're getting woken up at 2 o'clock in the morning to pee in a cup.
• 2:41
  So that's what's happening right now to Tour de France stars this week after
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  anti-doping officials are showing up in the middle of the night for surprise drug tests.
• 2:50
  The tests were authorized outside the normal testing hours because people are
• 2:54
  suspecting that riders could be microdosing these drugs overnight.
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  And obviously, these cyclists are less than thrilled about it.
• 3:03
  One said he only got about four hours of sleep because of this.
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  Another said it took him almost an hour to fall back asleep.
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  Other riders are calling the testing inhumane and said interrupting recovery
• 3:13
  during the biggest race in the world could actually affect performances.
• 3:18
  I mean, it literally does.
• 3:21
  On the other hand, cycling has one of the ugliest doping histories in sports.
• 3:25
  We're talking Lance Armstrong, blood doping, EPO, basically enough scandals
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  to make baseball steroid era look like a vitamin commercial.
• 3:33
  But people are arguing that if you want clean racing, you need surprise testing
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  when athletes aren't expecting it.
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  One former cyclist who admitted to doping said nighttime tests are actually
• 3:43
  one of the best ways to catch people trying to microdose.
• 3:46
  So it's this tough balance. Protect the integrity of the sport or let the athletes
• 3:51
  get a full night's sleep before they ride a bicycle, what looks like the side of a skyscraper.
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  But if someone woke me up at two o'clock in the morning and immediately asked
• 3:59
  me for a urine sample, I would tell them to go away and I'm quitting the race.
• 4:03
  As we all know, there's a growing number of Americans looking into getting residency
• 4:07
  or citizenship in other countries.
• 4:09
  More people are moving abroad, looking at places that offer easier residency
• 4:13
  programs, citizenship through ancestry, and remote work visas.
• 4:18
  I mean, I understand it. The idea of moving to Italy and spending your mornings
• 4:21
  drinking espresso in a beautiful town sounds incredible.
• 4:25
  But let's also remember something. Moving to another country isn't just a permanent
• 4:29
  vacation where you just get to, like, stare out a European train window while wearing linen pants.
• 4:35
  You still have paperwork, taxes, and have to figure out where to buy groceries.
• 4:40
  And nothing humbles you faster than realizing you are an adult who cannot explain
• 4:44
  my internet isn't working in another language.
• 4:48
  Still, Americans are clearly feeling the urge to explore their options.
• 4:52
  Maybe because everyone is just tired of our current leaders, or they just want out.
• 4:56
  So, may your passports be valid, your visas get approved, and may you never
• 5:00
  have to Google how does healthcare work here at 2 a.m.
• 5:04
  In Lindsay life, yesterday morning, I found myself locked out of my apartment
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  in my pajamas with no shoes on and no cell phone.
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  And you're probably thinking, how does that happen to one?
• 5:19
  Let me tell you, my basement door is connected to the laundry room and sometimes
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  if you let it slam it will just lock,
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  and I was just doing my laundry like obviously leaving my cell phone like in
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  the other room and like why put shoes on because I don't think about things sometimes and I just,
• 5:39
  was so screwed luckily I had my Apple watch on I was able to call my super for
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  my watch or else I literally would have had to look like a freaking homeless
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  person walking the streets of New York shoeless with no cell phone.
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  In my pajamas and unbrushed hair, might I add.
• 5:57
  An MVP this week goes to the parents who are going broke buying berries for their kids.
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  Yes, berries. Not college tuition or daycare or a mortgage. Blueberries.
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  Parents across the country are saying their toddlers are eating so much fruit
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  that they're basically funding the berry industry.
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  Toddlers don't eat berries like normal people. They don't casually enjoy a strawberry.
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  They consume them like they're competing in the Olympics.
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  A parent can spend $8 on a tiny container of raspberries, bring them home,
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  blink twice, and suddenly their kid has eaten $8 in three minutes and is asking for more.
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  Meanwhile, offer that same kid a vegetable and he'll look at you like you have 10 heads.
• 6:38
  So congratulations to the Berry parents. You are this week's MVP for proving
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  that the biggest threat to your bank account might not be inflation. It's a toddler.
• 6:47
  Having a toddler is really priceless until they discover raspberries. Cooking tip of the day.
• 6:54
  Heating up your dinner from last night for lunch is really cool.
• 6:58
  Feedback, comments, questions, a nice Jewish by looking for a date,
• 7:01
  email me at lindsay at thedailystarcast.com. Have a great weekend and I will
• 7:05
  talk to you guys on Monday.