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Overcome Social Anxiety with These Exercises · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

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  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at WalkWest.
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  SPEAKER_01: And if you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
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  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
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  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
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  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
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  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way, whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening.
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  SPEAKER_01: When you've chosen to tune in here, I want to say thank you.
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  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend with me.
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  SPEAKER_01: And today we are talking about shame-attacking exercises that can help you overcome social anxiety.
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  SPEAKER_01: So, question for you.
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  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we have social anxiousness, right?
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  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to say it's a social anxiety disorder necessarily, but sometimes we are overly concerned with how other people will judge us or regard us.
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  SPEAKER_01: And that can contribute to a lack of confidence, a lack of self-esteem.
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  SPEAKER_01: Really, what we're saying is lack of true self-acceptance, which then keeps you from maybe engaging in activities where you might be able to connect with others, which in turn leads to self-isolation.
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  SPEAKER_01: So, what are some exercises that we might be able to do to work through it?
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  SPEAKER_01: Well, the first thing we really have to name is that oftentimes our own internalized shame, that own internalized oppression is what keeps us from wanting to put ourselves out there in a social perspective.
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  SPEAKER_01: What happens with shame is that we start to believe that there's actually something wrong with us.
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  SPEAKER_01: And so that shame can then lead to beliefs about being either a failure, being worthless, inadequate, undeserving, which that, of course, that distorted self-perception can then lead to holding oneself back from potentially engaging with other people because of the fear of being humiliated or laughed at, or just true, truthfully feeling like you are failing to meet other people's expectations or what they would want for you.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: Shame is definitely associated with social anxieties because oftentimes it does involve that looming belief that there's something wrong with us, and then in turn we are so afraid of how other people are going to perceive us.
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  SPEAKER_01: And then we take that and we make meaning of the perception that we feel that they have of us.
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  SPEAKER_01: So there are some shame-attacking exercises that were actually developed by Albert Ellis, um, who is the creator of the Rational Emotional Behavioral Therapy.
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  SPEAKER_01: Uh, according to Ellis, people tend to hold themselves back with unchecked beliefs and assumptions that they make about themselves and the world.
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  SPEAKER_01: The purpose of the shame-attacking exercises is to convince yourself that you can handle much more than you think you can, and that the world doesn't actually care as much as you perceive that they do.
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  SPEAKER_01: The shame attacking activities aim to help just alleviate some of those self-limiting beliefs around needing approval from others and to work towards this idea of self-acceptance.
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  SPEAKER_01: So when you experience shame, your mind is telling you again that you're unworthy, unloving, undeserving, basically that there's something wrong with you.
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  SPEAKER_01: So Albert Ellis suggests that the thinking of or doing anything in our culture that that our culture finds strange or silly or weird is what contributes to these self-limiting beliefs.
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  SPEAKER_01: And so the goal here is almost like an exposure therapy where you go ahead and expose yourself in small increments to um a criticism or potential embarrassment in order to realize that nothing actually, nothing bad is actually gonna happen.
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  SPEAKER_01: Um so one of the things that uh one of the exercises that Albert Ellis talks about is being honest with people about your actual needs.
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  SPEAKER_01: This one can be really, really hard for individuals who, especially people pleasers, who are afraid of communicating their own needs.
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  SPEAKER_01: But it's a great question to ask yourself is how often do you actually overlook your own needs because you're afraid of being judged by them or potentially being labeled as selfish or inconsiderate or disrespectful?
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  SPEAKER_01: But what happens if you politely ask for for what you need without apologizing?
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  SPEAKER_01: What if you ask for help, even though it might in your mind be a burden on somebody else, and just giving the other person the opportunity for them to say no if they can't meet that request?
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  SPEAKER_01: Um, another exercise is recite a poem in a crowded public place.
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  SPEAKER_01: If the thought of reciting a poem in a busy subway or hallway, I'm sorry, subway or mall makes you extra extraordinarily nervous, try to overcome it by actually doing it.
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  SPEAKER_01: This is an example of an exposure therapy, right?
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  SPEAKER_01: So for starters, you could perform it in front of a very small audience, and then as your confidence grows, maybe you really start getting in front of a huge crowd during the holiday season, for instance.
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  SPEAKER_01: Um, sing out loud.
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  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes just singing out loud and giving yourself permission to hear your own voice is a huge factor in moving through some of these anxieties around and shame around being heard.
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  SPEAKER_01: So give yourself permission to start singing, but singing out loud, witness it for yourself first, and then maybe start singing where other people can hear you as well.
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  SPEAKER_01: Um, Gray's Anatomy, if you're a fan of Gray's Anatomy, they used to have this part where they would say we're gonna dance it out.
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  SPEAKER_01: One of the exercises actually dance freely in a public place.
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  SPEAKER_01: Um, this one would definitely be a challenge for I know for me, where I have two left feet to begin with, so I just totally own it.
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  SPEAKER_01: But when you just put yourself out there and just move and don't worry about what other people are saying, that could obviously be helpful for you.
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  SPEAKER_01: And then, of course, dancing and having that joy, that that could actually spread to other people.
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  SPEAKER_01: So even though it might feel um a little strange, it could be an exercise to move you through some of that shame.
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  SPEAKER_01: Uh one that kind of made me laugh was ride on a crowded elevator facing backwards.
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  SPEAKER_01: This one maybe really feels really awkward, but of course, if what we're worried about is people judging us for being different, that would be a way to give yourself a little bit of an experience of being different in a more public place.
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  SPEAKER_01: Um other exercises include bargaining for a better price.
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  SPEAKER_01: Again, for most of Western culture, if there is a price on something, we kind of tend to pay for it.
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  SPEAKER_01: But we all know this from like the car industry, for instance, is we that's something that's generally negotiated.
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  SPEAKER_01: So give yourself permission to ask for a better price on something.
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  SPEAKER_01: Give yourself permission to go outside and wear an outfit that you love even if you don't know that other people are gonna love it.
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  SPEAKER_01: Just boldly walk through the grocery store wherever you're headed in an outfit that you feel really good about without thinking about how other people you may think about it, but don't let it stop you from wearing the outfit.
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  SPEAKER_01: It's about noticing the thoughts about other people's perceptions and not letting it stop you from wearing the outfit that you feel really good in.
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  SPEAKER_01: And then the final one is about working out in public.
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  SPEAKER_01: This one is a big one for especially I know with my clients who have been really struggling with body image issues and shaming their own their own selves.
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  SPEAKER_01: It can be a real hard, um, hard task to join a gym and to work out in a quote unquote public place.
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  SPEAKER_01: But it's okay to take this in smaller steps.
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  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you start with a small gym or maybe you you join one of the smaller classes, but it's giving yourself permission to expose yourself to doing something for yourself, your own health and well-being in this instance, without letting other people's opinions or judgments stop you.
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  SPEAKER_01: And of course, if this all feels like too much, one of the things that we talk about in coaching is how to how I can show up and support my clients in terms of taking these small baby steps in order to continue to grow your own belief in self, your own trust in self, and as we take the small steps, they will compound to make bigger changes and movements forward.
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  SPEAKER_01: If you would like to talk about this shame, especially and how to unshame or anything else that might be holding you back, and would like to learn how coaching can help with that, feel free to book a time with me anytime at coachwithcomedy.com.
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  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay well.
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  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
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  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
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  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
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  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authentic me.
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  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.