Latest / The Beth B Shift / Survival Mode
Transcript
- Beth B: What if the reason you're exhausted isn't because you're tired, but because you're in survival mode? And what if you've been there so long that you forgot how to live? Welcome back to the Beth B effect where the vibe is unmuted, unafraid and unapologetic. I'm Beth. And before we go any further, I want to ground us here. This podcast is a space for reflection, encouragement and lived experiences. It is not a replacement for therapy, not a replacement for counseling or professional mental health care. And if you're struggling or you're overwhelmed, please reach out to a licensed professional. It could even be your pastor, but support, mental health support, because there's strength in getting help and there's no shame in needing support at all. So back to survival mode, right? What really is it? Survival mode doesn't always look like panic. It doesn't always look like chaos or or like breaking down. Sometimes survival mode looks like getting up, pushing through. It looks like being productive. You know it looks like a person who's being responsible, reliable. It looks like doing what needs to be done even when your body is tired and your mind is foggy. And at some point your energy is gone. I recall a time when I was in survival mode. I couldn't think straight. I could barely focus. And when I could focus, I tunnel vision. I was only focusing on what was in front of me. And that was hard, but I didn't see it at first. I felt like I was pushing through. I felt like I was doing what needed to be done. I was being responsible. And survival mode is when your entire world shrinks to the present moment. You're not looking ahead. You're not dreaming. You're not planning for later. You're not even getting rest. You're just focused on getting through. You're getting through what's right in front of you. One task, one obligation, and one day at a time. I recall being in a situation where survival mode kicked in, that tunnel vision. All I could think about was what I was going through at that moment. The rest of the world was still happening around me. Everything was still taking place. but I couldn't hone in on anything other than that one thing that was in front of me. That's all I could concentrate on one thing at a time. you know, survival mode, what does it sound like in your head? Survival mode has a voice. It says things like, I'll deal with that later. Or I don't have time to feel that right now. Or this is just a busy season. Or once things calm down, I'll rest. And those thoughts sound reasonable, responsible even. but later doesn't always come. I recall that same time when I thought those same things, when those things were playing in my head and I'm thinking to myself, I'm gonna get through this. This is just a busy season. Wow, there's so much happening at one time. Let me strategize and put things in order and try to figure out what comes first. But survival mode puts you in a space sometimes that... won't allow you to make those conscious decisions. It won't allow you to strategize where you function properly. It won't allow you the space to think about what comes next. Survival mode makes you act, you respond, you manage what's in front of you at that moment, at that time, that's it. And your mind doesn't tell you that you need to think about everything else that's going on around you. Sometimes you can't. And when you're in that mode, sometimes survival mode gets praised, right? Because here's the tricky part. People are looking at you saying, wow, she's really strong or wow, he's really strong or wow, he's really pulling through because other people are witnessing what's happening to you. And if you're sharing your story, people are privy to the inside information. People are seeing what's happening right in front of them. And every time you bounce back, survival mode gets rewarded. Think about a time you've gone through survival mode and people said, wow, this guy's strong or this guy's dependable. I remember times where people have referred to me as resilient. People admired how I handled things. But admiration doesn't mean your body isn't paying the price. And even in those times where I was noted as resilient or I was noted as dependent or I was noted as strong. When I left those conversations. when I was by myself and I had to think about what I had accomplished in that moment, even when survival mode was present. And I was able in those two seconds to think about what I had done for the day or what the day looked like, how the strut the situation was, or how I came through and managed. My body was paying the price. My body was trying to speak to me. The problem was I didn't really know how to listen or what it was saying. But the rewards that I had bouncing around in my head for being strong and resilient made me feel like I didn't need to listen to my body. Like nothing was happening, but it was. And what I started to realize is when you're in survival mode, your nervous system stays on alert. Like I'm always on alert. was always scanning. My head was always on a swivel. I was always preparing for what was coming next. Even when nothing was technically wrong. My shoulders always stayed tight. My jaw would stay clenched. Shallow breaths sometimes come into play and shallow breaths. They're huge, right? Because in that moment, you're breathing. You're breathing. But your breaths are short. Have you ever noted a time where you're breathing and you say to yourself, ooh, I need to take a deep breath. I need to take a deep breath. I lost my breath for a second. You experience some dizziness and you think to yourself, well, nothing can be happening because I'm supposed to breathe, right? The body automatically breathes. There's no reason for me to think or process thoughts to assist with breathing. There's nothing that says that I need to do that. But those are the things that you start paying attention to when you realize something's happening, right? You immediately don't put survival mode in that equation, but something's happening. And I remember when I had those situations, I needed to take that extra breath. I needed to take a seat. I needed to sit down and think for a second. I needed to manage what was going on in that moment because something was going on here. Something was happening here and my body was responding to it. but I'm. don't pay attention to that, especially when I'm in survival mode. So I didn't. And that's how survival mode works. When things are happening, right? We don't take to an immediate response. Our body is having to something that is happening with our nervous system, because if we're strong and resilient, If we're pulling through and we don't recognize being in survival mode, we have no clue that something is happening. So we're not going to manage anything. But at that point we have to start recognizing that stillness, right? When we're still, what does that feel like? When you're in survival mode, what does stillness feel like? Stillness feels uncomfortable. Because in survival mode, it's better to be moving. It's better to be out, about. You have to be moving. You have to be busy. Because busy takes off the edge, right? Busy keeps you in a space where you don't get to think about what's happening. You're moving forward. At least we think we are. We think we're moving forward. We're taking baby steps forward in a space where we're not actually moving forward in progress, if that makes sense. and survival mode silence can feel heavy. It feels heavy because that's the space where we're in our heads. We're thinking. We have one thought at a time that becomes multiple thoughts at one time. And these simultaneous thoughts that are taking place that we're trying to manage at some point, it gets heavy. We get heavy in that space because it's the space where we don't want to be responsible or hold, take accountability for what is actually required to manage the situation that we're in. And I it sounds kind of strange, if you or myself or any person is stuck for a moment because something urgent needs attention and we start the process to manage that situation, we're doing this, we're going to do this, we're going to do this. We're not really strategically planning, right? We're responding to something. For instance, And this is not a professional opinion, but for instance, when EMS or first responders respond to a scene, they don't really have much time to assess, right? They arrive on scene, they have a little information as to what's taking place and then they start the assessment upon arrival and then they react. That's what survival mode looks like. It's not about planning. It's about assessing what's happening in that moment because everything is shrinking down to one space. you're assessing what you see at that moment and strategically in an instant you respond. The best possible solution is what we choose to manage that situation right then and there. So when we are in a moment where we're silent and we've passed that moment or we're still in it and we're managing the process slowly but surely thinking to yourself or thinking outside of what happened or thinking about other things that are going on, aside from that urgent situation, we start to feel heavy. And then when we slow down, that feels unsafe, right? Because we feel like we're falling behind. We're not up to speed. We think we're missing something. So we keep moving. We keep moving. And not because we want to, but because stopping feels harder. Stopping to pay attention to everything else aside from the one thing that has us in that moment the one thing that is causing us to be in survival mode when we stop to reflect on everything else around us. It's like we're not caught up. We've been exhausting so much time in one space. It's like, okay, I got to do that. don't let me forget that. got to handle that too. and that's more wear and tear, right? And what does that do? That exacerbates the survival move. It kind of makes things worse and we don't see it because we don't realize we're in survival mode to begin with. So how does that begin? How does survival mode begin? Like, where does it come from? How does it start? And how do we not notice it? Survival mode doesn't usually start dramatically. It doesn't always look like chaos. And it's often during a season that demands more from you than usual. For instance, it could be a stressful job. Maybe we have financial issues or financial pressure, right? We gotta get some, we gotta meet some deadlines. Some things need to be handled and they're all around the same time. And we're trying to strategically place our finances so that we can manage those deadlines. Maybe it's emotional strength. Maybe you're in a place in a relationship where you are not appreciated. And you're trying to find a way to be heard or to manage what's happening in that relationship. Or something even bigger. What if it's a physical, mental, or an emotional abusive situation that you can't manage or can't seem to get out of? Maybe you don't have enough time to process thoughts because of what you're experiencing to help you figure out your plan of escape or your plan to manage what's happening to you mentally, physically, and emotionally. Maybe all those feelings are happening at the same time and you're like, whoa. Those are some of the things that would cause us to go in to survival mode and long periods of uncertainty. And what starts to happen when we're in those spaces and we're dealing with those situations, we're dealing with those problems, what happens? Your system adapts, your nervous system goes with the flow. your nervous system is going to learn to adapt and learn how to stay alert because it wants to make sure you're prepared when something happens. It teaches us how to push feelings aside so we can keep moving forward. Right. We don't get caught up in this mode where we're. sad, sulky, and sitting in our feelings. Survival mode helps you prevent that. Survival mode helps you keep going forward. That adaption helps you survive. I remember a time when I was in survival mode and I had to move forward. I did not have time to sit and think. I didn't have time to process anything. I had to make instant decisions and they were one after the other. Sometimes one thing happens, something else happens and while you're managing that process, something else happens and then something on the side, either the car repair or somebody else needs assistance or somebody's maybe your kid wants to join a sport and you have to pay by the deadline or they want to go on a trip. Meanwhile, you have a car repair, your rent's due, you have bills, you're trying to manage something else, you've made plans to do something. and each thing has its own deadline. And I know those tasks don't really sound as if survival mode would kick in, but there is an instance that we'll discuss in later episodes that do. those are the spaces that survival begins in. Those are the spaces that it creeps in and starts to live in those small areas. It lives in those little spaces where we don't recognize that we're on high alert because we're trying to manage things that are beyond our control. We're trying to do things responsibly. And just so we're clear, survival mode is not failure, right? It's not that we failed. It's not that our bodies are not doing what's best for us. That's not the case at all. Survival mode is a response like we talked about earlier responding responding and then assessing. Your body and your mind is doing what they've learned to protect you. And if you recognize yourself in this space, nothing's wrong with you. Just take notice. You're noticing that these words sound familiar. So what this episode is, it's not about. Fixing survival mode. It's not about changing anything yet It's about noticing it's about recognizing when you're operating from survival mode instead of in the presence Because awareness come first Awareness without action. Just noticing where you are. sitting in the element. Being aware that some of these words sound familiar, being aware that some of these things you've encountered, being aware and taking notice to how your nervous system or your body is responding to what your eyes are taking in. Just notice what you feel. because that's what's most important. Being aware of what's happening is the start of a beautiful situation. We just got to get there. And like I said, you don't have to fix your life right now. You don't have to be ready for change. You're not here to be fixed and you're not here to be judged because this is not a place where we perform healing. But I just want you to breathe, right? Listen, be present because that's enough. And you deserve that. We deserve to be present in the moment. If this episode resonates with you and if this episode resonates with you, be gentle with yourself. Survival mode helped you get here. Awareness will help you understand where you are now. And if this conversation supported you, please like, share, subscribe even. And share with someone who can benefit from it. Because in this space it's like each one teach one, right? If anyone can benefit from this conversation, let them hear it. Let them have it. This has been the Beth B effect and until next time, please stay grounded.