Latest / D/s and BDSM Communication Archives • Loving BDSM / Silly Conflicts in Our Power Exchange

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Silly Conflicts in Our Power Exchange · D/s and BDSM Communication Archives • Loving BDSM

• 0:10
  You're listening to Loving BDSM podcast episode four
• 0:13
  twenty eight. Kayla Lords here with the one,
• 0:15
  the only, the oh my god. You're so
• 0:17
  fucking frustrating, but I love you, John Brownstone.
• 0:20
  That's me. Yeah. In a nutshell. Uh-huh. And
• 0:22
  and it's on theme for today's time.
• 0:27
  You know that works both ways. Right? You
• 0:29
  know, I'm a giver. I,
• 0:32
  I just
• 0:33
  wanna give you everything you need, you want,
• 0:35
  and things you think you don't I never
• 0:37
  even knew I'm And the things you think
• 0:39
  you don't need or want, but they really
• 0:41
  are good for you.
• 0:42
  Mhmm. Sure.
• 0:44
  On with the show. You know what? This
• 0:46
  actually is in line with today's episode.
• 0:49
  You're right. That's a sad news. We
• 0:53
  know that we could use some lighthearted moments
• 0:56
  right now as the world burns around us,
• 0:59
  but
• 1:00
  but and not but. And we thought you
• 1:03
  could too.
• 1:04
  So let's talk about the nonserious,
• 1:08
  silly.
• 1:09
  They're not really arguments. It's not really conflict,
• 1:12
  but it's Poignments.
• 1:14
  It's it's the push and pull and small
• 1:16
  frustrations,
• 1:18
  that I have found in power exchange specific
• 1:22
  to power exchange.
• 1:25
  These are not this is not arguments I
• 1:27
  would get into with anybody.
• 1:30
  That one.
• 1:33
  Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this
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  is your first time listening, glad to have
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  you. If you're back for another week, welcome
• 1:38
  back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday and
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  Friday for your kinky pleasure and education, and
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  show notes are found at lovingBDSM.net.
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  Come back often and feel free to add
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  the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You
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  can also follow the show on FetLife at
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  Okay. Looking good. Hopefully, no more technical issues
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  for the podcast. Okay. So,
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  the main and the only and the most
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  important,
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  announcement is just a reminder
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  that we are still in our 2025
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  much time? Because people have money come in
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  and out at really weird times, and I
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  wanna give everybody an opportunity. But as of
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  the date of recording,
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  February 5, there are ten days left if
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  you wanna take advantage of the membership drive.
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  So why should you join,
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  during the membership drive? Well, if you are
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  at 11:59PM
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  eastern
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• 6:01
  that's all I have to say about that.
• 6:02
  K.
• 6:03
  And we will get into
• 6:05
  what I hope
• 6:07
  is,
• 6:08
  a lighthearted episode because I think we could
• 6:11
  all use it. I think we could all
• 6:13
  use it. It's a little chaotic out there.
• 6:15
  So,
• 6:21
  these are not I call them conflicts. I
• 6:23
  call them arguments. They're really, really not. When
• 6:25
  we're talking about them amongst ourselves, I say
• 6:28
  that we're fussing at one another because I'm
• 6:29
  Southern and that's a term we use as
• 6:31
  fussing. Okay?
• 6:33
  Yes. It is.
• 6:35
  They are never
• 6:37
  at the level of genuine frustration, like, we
• 6:39
  have to go into separate rooms and cool
• 6:41
  off. No. Typically,
• 6:43
  when
• 6:44
  often it's me, but not always. One of
• 6:46
  us breaks the tension. We end up laughing
• 6:48
  at ourselves because we're being silly.
• 6:50
  But I have
• 6:53
  noticed
• 6:54
  that there are at least two that feel
• 6:56
  very much, like, power exchange y.
• 7:00
  I'm sure it can transfer to other types
• 7:02
  of relationships. I'm sure it does. But these,
• 7:04
  for me, are very specific to our power
• 7:05
  exchange.
• 7:06
  And I just thought we'd talk about it.
• 7:09
  We'd, you know, dissect it a little bit
• 7:11
  because I like to do things like that.
• 7:13
  Because I am a weirdo on the Internet
• 7:14
  with a microphone.
• 7:16
  And we'll just keep it light. It hell,
• 7:19
  this might be a short I might have
• 7:20
  everything I need to say in twenty minutes.
• 7:22
  I don't know. I might go two hours.
• 7:25
  May the odds be ever in your favor.
• 7:27
  I don't know.
• 7:28
  I did,
• 7:30
  man got a pillow. Do I take a
• 7:31
  nap? You're part of the conversation. Are we
• 7:34
  gonna do one of these silly little conflicts
• 7:35
  in front of everybody?
• 7:38
  That's one. That's one
• 7:41
  where I feel like I have to be
• 7:42
  a little not assertive. That's where not aggressive.
• 7:44
  Assertive. And he just laughs. And then I
• 7:47
  get, like, am I coming across as too
• 7:49
  assertive? This was not in my notes, but
• 7:51
  they were like, am I being too assertive?
• 7:53
  He's laughing. So clearly, I was not. But
• 7:54
  also,
• 7:56
  I I don't I'm not comfortable talking to
• 7:57
  anybody like that. But also now I'm frustrated
• 7:59
  because, come on, could we
• 8:01
  do we get the same fate?
• 8:05
  Go ahead.
• 8:07
  So I did try to take notes because
• 8:10
  these happen
• 8:11
  at really random times and relatively infrequently. So
• 8:14
  they're not top of mind. They're not super
• 8:17
  we're not, like, having, like, a a check-in
• 8:19
  with one another after these. Like, it's not
• 8:21
  it's just it's not to that level. It
• 8:23
  is just
• 8:24
  people being silly. So let's let's do the
• 8:26
  first one that actually inspired
• 8:28
  The this. Okay.
• 8:30
  Alright.
• 8:31
  So we're we're talking about a thing. It
• 8:33
  could be picking a movie to watch. It
• 8:35
  could be where do we wanna go for
• 8:36
  lunch. It could be a thing we're going
• 8:38
  to do. Okay?
• 8:40
  And we each
• 8:41
  have
• 8:42
  a different
• 8:43
  like, we would each choose something different.
• 8:46
  But JB is the decider.
• 8:48
  And so I do a thing that I
• 8:50
  don't know if y'all ever seen me do
• 8:52
  before. I'm sure you haven't.
• 8:54
  I interrupt him while he's trying to tell
• 8:56
  me what he's decided
• 8:58
  because another thought popped up.
• 9:01
  And he takes that information in really fast
• 9:04
  and then
• 9:05
  clearly changes his mind. Clearly, like, he was
• 9:08
  gonna say a and now I added this
• 9:10
  thought, he's gonna say b.
• 9:12
  D.
• 9:13
  No. You haven't done that yet. You're about
• 9:16
  to see some silly conflict because he is
• 9:18
  clearly in a mood.
• 9:20
  Okay. So he was gonna say a. I
• 9:23
  interrupted,
• 9:24
  blurted out
• 9:25
  some new information about what I was thinking
• 9:28
  about, what I wanted. So he changes his
• 9:30
  what was gonna be choice a to choice
• 9:32
  b in my favor,
• 9:35
  and my brain can't handle it. So I'm
• 9:37
  like, no. But what do you want? And
• 9:39
  he goes, we're gonna do this. I'm like,
• 9:41
  yeah, but you're choosing that for me. What
• 9:43
  do you want? Because I don't actually care.
• 9:45
  If I cared, I would have said, hey,
• 9:47
  please can we do this thing? I don't
• 9:48
  care what the outcome is. What do you
• 9:50
  want?
• 9:51
  And he goes, well, this is fine. And
• 9:53
  anybody who knows what I'm about to say,
• 9:55
  you know. This is fine is,
• 9:58
  to me,
• 9:59
  code for,
• 10:01
  I guess I'll live with it. I didn't
• 10:03
  get what I wanted, but it's fine.
• 10:06
  And my submissive self cannot handle it. So
• 10:09
  then we end up, I think five minutes
• 10:11
  last time, going back and forth. Now, could
• 10:13
  JB
• 10:15
  shut it down with one dumb look
• 10:18
  and an exasperated tone?
• 10:20
  Yes, he could. If he got, like, genuinely
• 10:23
  serious with me, he could he would hurt
• 10:24
  my feelings, but he could shut it down.
• 10:26
  But I don't know if you're having a
• 10:28
  good time in these interactions.
• 10:31
  I don't know if you're letting off some
• 10:33
  of your own steam and frustration, but we
• 10:35
  genuinely went back and forth, back and forth.
• 10:38
  And
• 10:39
  I just kept going, but I want whatever
• 10:41
  you want. Let me give you what you
• 10:43
  want. And what I want is what you
• 10:44
  want, damn it. Except that's not what he
• 10:45
  said. He just kept going, but it's fine.
• 10:48
  It's fine.
• 10:49
  It's not fine. What do you want,
• 10:53
  my darling daddy dom, who is the decider
• 10:56
  of all things?
• 10:58
  And, yes, anybody who's about to, like, try
• 11:01
  to talk sense over here. Of course, if
• 11:03
  he said that's what he wanted, then that's
• 11:04
  what he wanted because he's the decider. I
• 11:06
  know. But I'm also paying enough attention to
• 11:08
  know he changed his mind and I want
• 11:10
  him to get exactly what he wants. I
• 11:13
  do not want to be an influence on
• 11:15
  that. Except in the times I do want
• 11:17
  to influence it. This isn't one of those
• 11:19
  times. How how do those
• 11:22
  I sound like a crazy person whatever. I
• 11:25
  know. You are. I am. Part of my
• 11:28
  charm.
• 11:29
  When we're in those moments Mhmm. How are
• 11:32
  you feeling? What are you thinking? What's going
• 11:34
  through your work? Oh, I love it. Do
• 11:36
  you? I'm almost in tears sometimes. I'm so
• 11:39
  I'm not frustrated in an angry way, but
• 11:41
  I'm like a I just wanna do it,
• 11:43
  you know. I know this is probably gonna
• 11:44
  drive you nuts when I say it, but
• 11:46
  I feel when when the when we're doing
• 11:47
  that, when we're Mhmm. I'm I'm in my
• 11:49
  element.
• 11:51
  That makes sense. It well,
• 11:53
  is it your dom element, your sadist element,
• 11:55
  or your bratty element? All of the above.
• 11:58
  Oh my god. All of the above. Because
• 12:00
  when we're in the in that kind of
• 12:01
  mode, I can exercise all those things. So
• 12:04
  you Okay. You can see my brain melting
• 12:06
  down over its fine and you can just
• 12:09
  keep it safe. How far can I get
• 12:10
  it to melt?
• 12:18
  So
• 12:19
  we haven't talked about this in, I think,
• 12:21
  probably years.
• 12:22
  But what I'm hearing is I keep being
• 12:24
  mind fucked and not knowing I'm mind fucked.
• 12:27
  And now I'm being I'm realizing in this
• 12:29
  moment with an audience
• 12:32
  that you mind fuck me in these situations.
• 12:36
  You
• 12:37
  look so proud of yourself. You look so
• 12:39
  proud of yourself.
• 12:43
  Oh my god. Oh my god.
• 12:47
  So what would I have to do for
• 12:49
  you to know you've gone too far? Do
• 12:50
  I need to, like I would not because
• 12:52
  I can't and I but I have to,
• 12:54
  like, break down in tears when I have
• 12:55
  to get legitimately angry? Safe word.
• 12:59
  What? You should've, like, sent me a memo.
• 13:05
  So
• 13:07
  I
• 13:10
  mean, so when you tell me it's fine,
• 13:12
  you know, it's the it's fine is making
• 13:14
  me crazy. Of course.
• 13:18
  Okay. So
• 13:20
  thinking back to that last little
• 13:23
  back and forth. Right? Mhmm. That silly little
• 13:26
  conflict that wasn't really conflict.
• 13:28
  What did you actually genuinely
• 13:30
  want in that like, did you want the
• 13:33
  suggestion I made? Or were you so ambivalent
• 13:35
  to either one? It was like, oh, this
• 13:38
  is an opportunity to have fun.
• 13:40
  No. I I actually
• 13:45
  I actually did want
• 13:47
  what you wanted
• 13:48
  at the time. You couldn't just tell me?
• 13:52
  I got to mind fuck me.
• 13:55
  Come on. It was a lot more fun
• 13:56
  that way. Oh, bro.
• 13:58
  We have room. For you.
• 14:02
  For you.
• 14:04
  I'm so glad
• 14:06
  I could be a source of fun and
• 14:08
  amuse it for you. I live to serve.
• 14:11
  I live to serve.
• 14:13
  I live. Hey. To serve. For all the
• 14:15
  grief
• 14:16
  that you give me.
• 14:19
  I mean, I'm not gonna say I don't
• 14:20
  give you grief. Yeah. But my grief comes
• 14:23
  in a
• 14:24
  in a, ultimately, you're gonna get what you
• 14:26
  want. I'm trying to, like, nudge that's the
• 14:29
  second one we're about to do. I'm trying
• 14:30
  to nudge you to that point. Yeah.
• 14:33
  So
• 14:36
  before I knew I was being mind fucked
• 14:37
  here's the thing. I have no doubt
• 14:39
  that minimum half the people listening
• 14:42
  went, he's mind fucking her the moment I
• 14:44
  described it and explained it. I just need
• 14:47
  to know that some people out there did
• 14:48
  not know until he admitted it, so I
• 14:48
  know I'm not alone. Okay? We've talked about
• 14:48
  that
• 14:49
  God
• 15:01
  you are who you are, and our relationship
• 15:01
  is what it is. Because I believe every
• 15:04
  Because I believe every word that comes out
• 15:07
  of your mouth. The only time I don't
• 15:09
  is if I see the sadistic little sparkle
• 15:11
  in your eye and I go, wait. Are
• 15:13
  you fucking with me?
• 15:14
  But he tells me a thing and I
• 15:16
  go, clearly,
• 15:17
  that is fact. And I will, you know,
• 15:19
  I will deal with that information however I
• 15:22
  deal with it. It literally
• 15:24
  never fucking occurs to me that you are
• 15:27
  mind
• 15:28
  fucking me. Never.
• 15:30
  Never.
• 15:32
  Never. I am the little duckling following him
• 15:36
  wherever what whatever path we're fucking on. I
• 15:39
  mean, until I veer off the path and
• 15:40
  he's like, get your ass back here or
• 15:42
  follows me. But
• 15:43
  you know what I meant.
• 15:46
  Because when when I before I knew I
• 15:47
  was being mind fucked, I was thinking of
• 15:49
  it, from my perspective at least, as I
• 15:52
  desperately want to give you what you want.
• 15:54
  Mhmm. And I feel
• 15:57
  like I am somehow
• 15:58
  not doing that. Oh, but you are.
• 16:01
  Now I know.
• 16:03
  Now I know.
• 16:06
  Oh my god.
• 16:09
  I am so glad I could be
• 16:11
  both a source of amusement for you and
• 16:14
  for everybody else out there going, oh, lord.
• 16:17
  I can't wish you didn't see that one.
• 16:22
  Oh my god.
• 16:25
  So for anybody who's like, how can I
• 16:27
  don't like to do this and how can
• 16:28
  I be, you know, my bratty self or
• 16:30
  my sadistic self as a dumb without, like,
• 16:33
  doing things I don't wanna do? This. This.
• 16:35
  Just mind fuck your partner.
• 16:36
  Just fucking mind fuck them
• 16:39
  with their own my trust in you is
• 16:41
  what allows you to mind fuck me. Yes.
• 16:43
  My absolute, utter belief in you.
• 16:46
  Mhmm. Oh, yeah. And you have no complexion.
• 16:49
  You're like, yeah. I know. I'm using that
• 16:50
  to my phone. Yeah. So x in the
• 16:54
  livestream
• 16:55
  I'm gonna read what Silent said earlier because
• 16:59
  that was on point too. But x said
• 17:03
  in the livestream, desperately trying to give him
• 17:06
  what he wants while simultaneously
• 17:08
  getting him exactly what he wants.
• 17:12
  Yeah.
• 17:14
  Goddamn it. No. But Silent, thank you. This
• 17:16
  is a wonderful description. Silent in the livestream
• 17:19
  chat. So there are two crows in Kayla's
• 17:21
  brain. One is a people pleaser and the
• 17:22
  other has ADHD, and they cannot stop screaming
• 17:25
  at each other. And then she goes, and
• 17:27
  clearly JB is standing between them with a
• 17:29
  bag of peanuts. Peanut. Peanut pew. Peanut pew.
• 17:31
  Peanut pew. Peanut
• 17:39
  I'm not what I'm about to say, I'm
• 17:41
  not saying to take away your fun. Have
• 17:43
  your fucking fun. Here's here's the thing. Here's
• 17:45
  here's what will happen. We will have this
• 17:47
  conversation.
• 17:47
  I feel away right now. Foolish is what
• 17:50
  I feel.
• 17:51
  And and it's funny, and I know it
• 17:52
  is. And then give it a week or
• 17:54
  two, we will be in that same back
• 17:56
  and forth.
• 17:58
  I'll just be frustrated going, but I wanna
• 18:00
  give you what you want. And he'll go,
• 18:02
  but that's fine. Just to watch me get
• 18:04
  spun up. I will forget. I will forget
• 18:06
  every time. Folks, how many years have we
• 18:08
  been sitting in front of these mics? Ten.
• 18:11
  Okay.
• 18:12
  And and how many Nine and a half.
• 18:14
  How many times how many times
• 18:17
  have I said I live for that back
• 18:18
  and forth between us? But you speak to
• 18:20
  me. You say words to me about your
• 18:23
  wants or your
• 18:24
  thoughts or your beliefs or your I believe
• 18:27
  you
• 18:29
  without question.
• 18:32
  If you keep like, if you were looking
• 18:34
  at me like that,
• 18:35
  podcast listeners, I wish you could've seen that
• 18:38
  little sparkle in his eye. It was a
• 18:40
  devious sparkle.
• 18:42
  If you look at me like that Mhmm.
• 18:44
  Yes.
• 18:45
  I'm gonna go wait.
• 18:47
  Something's up here. He's having way too much
• 18:49
  fun. But have you ever noticed I'm sure
• 18:51
  you have. Maybe I should learn to play
• 18:52
  poker. Probably.
• 18:54
  Well, I don't know. You get proud of
• 18:56
  yourself when the evil glint will be in
• 18:57
  your eye. That's true. I'm not sure you
• 18:59
  have. You do with me, but I think
• 19:01
  you have a poker face with me because
• 19:03
  I'm not always paying that much attention. I'm
• 19:05
  doing several things at once. My mind is
• 19:07
  in several places at
• 19:10
  once.
• 19:11
  But I think that's the other part. When
• 19:13
  we start having these back and forths of
• 19:14
  what do you wanna do, what do you
• 19:16
  like, make a decision between a and b,
• 19:19
  and I clearly want b,
• 19:22
  and I don't know that you clearly want
• 19:24
  b either. You're fucking with me. I'm usually
• 19:26
  doing something else. Mhmm. And so I'm not
• 19:28
  focusing on you until I get to that
• 19:30
  point of frustration. Do you remember? I swiveled
• 19:32
  my chair around. I was like, but what
• 19:34
  do you want? Right.
• 19:36
  Mhmm. Mhmm. Yeah.
• 19:43
  Excuse me, folks.
• 19:46
  Don't hurt yourself.
• 19:48
  Yourself. Okay.
• 19:49
  Okay.
• 19:50
  So now that we've all learned that Kayla
• 19:52
  can be mind fucked way too easily or
• 19:54
  reminded, some of y'all already knew you've been
• 19:56
  here for these moments.
• 19:58
  Okay. Okay. This one happened last night. I
• 20:00
  went, oh, you have to attempt to remember
• 20:02
  this
• 20:03
  until the next morning to write it down.
• 20:06
  So look. Look. Look. I know what this
• 20:09
  is gonna sound like when I describe it.
• 20:12
  I wanna go on the record.
• 20:16
  That I do not consider myself a brat.
• 20:18
  I just I want that as not a
• 20:20
  label I use for myself.
• 20:23
  No matter how this sounds to anybody out
• 20:25
  there.
• 20:26
  So first of all, I have to set
• 20:27
  the scene for you you for where this
• 20:29
  specific example comes from. It is not the
• 20:32
  only way this happens. It's just
• 20:35
  the most recent and it's top of mind.
• 20:38
  So I think we've mentioned this in episodes
• 20:40
  in the past.
• 20:41
  By the time we go to bed and
• 20:43
  it's like we're putting, like, we're reading at
• 20:44
  night before we go to sleep. Right?
• 20:46
  By the time we have put all devices
• 20:49
  away, we're not reading. We're genuinely kinda laying
• 20:51
  down in that last little moment before we
• 20:53
  finally go, let's try to go to sleep.
• 20:54
  We turn the sleep story on that kind
• 20:56
  of thing.
• 20:57
  We lay there, and it's it's this intimate,
• 20:59
  like, moment of quiet
• 21:01
  closeness. We're together.
• 21:03
  And I can't handle that, so I get
• 21:05
  zoomies.
• 21:06
  If I don't get zoomies, I was I'm
• 21:09
  sick or I I'm exhausted from the day
• 21:11
  Yeah. Emotionally or physically.
• 21:13
  So most of the time, I get Zoomies.
• 21:18
  I feel like I'm do you remember the
• 21:19
  time I explained what budgie budgie was? Yeah.
• 21:21
  This is how I I feel like I'm
• 21:22
  a crazy person trying to explain our crazy
• 21:24
  shit to
• 21:28
  people. Okay. So we mostly sleep naked.
• 21:30
  I always run hot. JB always runs cold.
• 21:33
  We have this little ritual we do where
• 21:36
  I
• 21:38
  put my humidities on him because he's cold
• 21:40
  and these girls are warm. Okay? It's a
• 21:43
  furnace under there. So we're very pressed up
• 21:45
  against one another. Try to cool the nuclear
• 21:47
  reactor. We are we're very pressed up against
• 21:49
  one another. And I get my zoomies. And
• 21:51
  so I get wickled and I move around.
• 21:53
  And for a long time, that was just
• 21:55
  what I did. He might go calm down,
• 21:56
  baby girl. Just, you know, it's time to
• 21:59
  sleep. He might get, like, say something verbally,
• 22:02
  and I would mostly listen.
• 22:04
  And then at some point,
• 22:06
  semi recently, he started doing this thing where
• 22:09
  he would just wrap his arm around and
• 22:11
  pin me to the bed.
• 22:13
  Fucking hell. I love that shit.
• 22:17
  That was happening at around the time we
• 22:19
  were kinda starting to reconnect. Yes. Right? Because
• 22:21
  you were feeling playful again, and you're kinda
• 22:23
  getting a little rougher than you had been,
• 22:25
  which I fucking love. I fucking love. I
• 22:27
  don't want I don't have the I mean,
• 22:28
  I will. I don't but I don't love
• 22:30
  being tied up with ropes, but you wanna
• 22:32
  pin me down in a way where I
• 22:33
  can still breathe so I don't get claustrophobic
• 22:35
  and panic? I'm here for it. Well,
• 22:38
  I
• 22:39
  might I might sometimes be
• 22:42
  somebody who has to push against the boundaries
• 22:45
  that I've been set up for her.
• 22:49
  So I will get wiggly
• 22:51
  until he pins me down,
• 22:52
  and then I'll keep wiggling just to see
• 22:54
  what he's gonna do.
• 22:56
  I understand how that makes me sound.
• 22:59
  That is still not a label I use
• 23:00
  for myself.
• 23:02
  So last night,
• 23:04
  this this is our routine.
• 23:06
  And I can tell when he's not in
• 23:07
  the mood, he's really tired.
• 23:09
  I might get zoomies, but he's they're we're
• 23:11
  not flying. Well, just shut it down. Right.
• 23:13
  Right. But last night,
• 23:15
  I'm wiggling and wiggling, and he pins me.
• 23:17
  And then he lets up, and I wiggle
• 23:19
  and wiggle. And I'm, like, exaggerating. It's clear
• 23:22
  what I'm doing. I can't mind fucking anybody.
• 23:24
  Okay. I know. I somehow become an octopus
• 23:27
  in the bed. Where did she get all
• 23:28
  these limbs? Why are they all moving?
• 23:32
  But
• 23:33
  it's obvious what I'm doing. I'm not I
• 23:35
  can't my fuck shit. Okay? He knows what
• 23:37
  I'm doing. I know what I'm doing. He
• 23:38
  does not pin me down.
• 23:41
  I almost start crying.
• 23:43
  He's like, what is wrong? And I said,
• 23:46
  yes. I'm clearly doing this so you will
• 23:48
  pin me down and when you don't pin
• 23:50
  me down, I think you don't care about
• 23:52
  me.
• 23:57
  So I hurt my own fucking feelings.
• 24:00
  That's why it's a silly little conflict,
• 24:03
  Clearly one-sided.
• 24:05
  It did well, here's what I liked about
• 24:06
  it. I was able to give
• 24:09
  clear communication on a thing that was
• 24:12
  look. When I say bothering, I mean
• 24:15
  on the level
• 24:17
  of, like,
• 24:19
  it really is not a bother. It's more
• 24:21
  of a, I kinda wish that had gone
• 24:23
  different. Right?
• 24:24
  It's not a real concern. It's not a
• 24:26
  real problem. But I was, like, a little
• 24:28
  bothered by it. And I'm not used I'm
• 24:30
  there are certain things I'm not good at
• 24:32
  communicating. I have I have to make myself
• 24:33
  do it.
• 24:34
  But when we have these moments, I do
• 24:36
  find I am communicating
• 24:37
  better because Mhmm. I think it's because I
• 24:39
  was in baby girl, like, mode. I mean,
• 24:42
  even my my voice was Oh, yeah. Looser,
• 24:45
  more relaxed.
• 24:46
  And did I pout and whine? Of course
• 24:49
  I did.
• 24:52
  So one,
• 24:54
  for just to clarify,
• 24:56
  do not consider myself a brat.
• 24:59
  We were doing a simple cause and effect
• 25:01
  here. Okay? I wiggle, he pins. I wiggle,
• 25:03
  he pins. This is what I like. The
• 25:05
  zoomies have to be contained somehow so we
• 25:07
  could both sleep.
• 25:09
  And then he interrupted the pattern,
• 25:11
  and I didn't like that.
• 25:13
  So here's
• 25:15
  Can't give them what they want all the
• 25:17
  time. Yes, you can.
• 25:23
  I try to give you what you want
• 25:25
  when you let me. But this is different.
• 25:30
  I
• 25:31
  know. I don't like it.
• 25:34
  So
• 25:35
  in the
• 25:36
  that was a moment where you were not
• 25:38
  play acting. You were you found that highly
• 25:41
  amusing. That was hilarious to you. But I'm
• 25:44
  curious,
• 25:45
  mostly because I like to, like, peek into
• 25:47
  the mind of a dominant that I clearly
• 25:48
  do not understand because I can't even tell
• 25:50
  when I'm being mind fucked.
• 25:51
  What are you thinking about in those moments?
• 25:53
  Is it just a teasing playful thing? Or
• 25:55
  is there, like, a process in your brain
• 25:57
  that's like
• 25:58
  It's it's a teasing playful thing.
• 26:01
  Okay? That that's really what it comes down
• 26:03
  to.
• 26:04
  And,
• 26:06
  the most that's going on in my head
• 26:08
  is how far can I take this? Oh
• 26:10
  my god.
• 26:17
  Yeah. You yeah.
• 26:19
  My
• 26:20
  edge of the cliff is way further back
• 26:23
  than your edge of the cliff.
• 26:26
  But you know what that is? It's because
• 26:27
  I I
• 26:29
  don't want genuine conflict. Mhmm. I'm not good
• 26:33
  at
• 26:34
  the back and forth of even pretend
• 26:37
  superficial,
• 26:38
  playful arguing. Like, that's,
• 26:40
  like, that's a thing that I kinda
• 26:43
  I don't know. I don't know if it's
• 26:44
  a it's a thing my brain is just
• 26:46
  pushing back against. I don't know if it's
• 26:47
  an anxiety thing. Like, I don't know where
• 26:48
  it's happening in my body, but my body
• 26:50
  is like, danger. Danger. Do not push too
• 26:53
  hard.
• 26:55
  And what I'm hearing is Well, dangerous
• 26:58
  for you. Yeah. But I'm, like, I'm I'm
• 27:01
  my brain or my body or my whatever
• 27:03
  is interpreting it as literal real danger and
• 27:05
  not playful danger. Gotcha. But that's also because
• 27:08
  this is one that didn't make the list,
• 27:10
  but it's very true.
• 27:11
  Depending on my headspace,
• 27:14
  and so I can't ever predict if I'll
• 27:16
  react this way. Sometimes he can give me
• 27:17
  the dumb voice, and I kinda turn into
• 27:19
  a pouty teenager. I'm like, whatever. It's fine.
• 27:23
  I'm not dumb enough to let him hear
• 27:25
  me mumble to
• 27:28
  myself. And sometimes I push
• 27:31
  I'm not reading the room
• 27:32
  right well, and I push,
• 27:34
  and you give me
• 27:36
  right. You and it's You're poking a bear
• 27:38
  now. Right. Right. And it's so here's what's
• 27:40
  funny. This is this is my problem with
• 27:41
  conflict, and I'm pretty sure we did an
• 27:43
  episode on conflict.
• 27:45
  Maybe a few episodes. Anyway, I'm so conflict
• 27:47
  averse that even though
• 27:49
  my logical rational brain goes, he does not
• 27:52
  hate you, He's not genuinely angry with you.
• 27:55
  He would only be angry with you if
• 27:56
  you kept pushing.
• 27:59
  You're not actually in any danger.
• 28:01
  My
• 28:02
  my anxiety
• 28:03
  leaps up like I'm being chased by lions.
• 28:06
  Okay? In the across the Savannah.
• 28:09
  And I just I oh, and that is
• 28:11
  the thing. And
• 28:13
  I don't know if I'll ever be able
• 28:16
  to do the back and forth push and
• 28:18
  pull
• 28:19
  as far to the edge as you're able
• 28:21
  to take it. Mhmm. Because
• 28:25
  I
• 28:27
  look. All of this personality really cannot be
• 28:29
  contained,
• 28:31
  and I know it's a lot. I needed
• 28:33
  a microphone and a ten year long podcast
• 28:35
  to get some of it out. Okay?
• 28:38
  So I don't actually trust that I won't
• 28:41
  push too hard,
• 28:42
  and I won't get angry daddy dom or
• 28:45
  annoyed daddy dom.
• 28:48
  And the part of me that is
• 28:50
  the good girl You have experienced that if
• 28:52
  you don't. I don't like it. I don't
• 28:54
  like it. I don't like it.
• 28:56
  I don't like it. Like,
• 28:59
  look. This is really a conversation for a
• 29:00
  therapist. I'm aware. But I spent all of
• 29:03
  my formative years,
• 29:06
  all of my childhood through teenage years into
• 29:09
  college
• 29:11
  desperately not wanting to be in trouble,
• 29:14
  not wanting to be perceived
• 29:16
  as,
• 29:18
  a problem.
• 29:20
  And so here I am
• 29:22
  at the ripe old age of 45, and
• 29:25
  I'm here here I come along. I know.
• 29:27
  And, you know, you'd think I'd be desensitized
• 29:29
  to it.
• 29:31
  No. Silent's right. There it's two there are
• 29:33
  two crows. And one is a people pleaser.
• 29:35
  And just
• 29:38
  I, like,
• 29:39
  I don't even know
• 29:41
  sometimes how to handle your playful annoyance when
• 29:44
  it's not you're not even being sharp. You're
• 29:46
  just, like, you're playing, and I'm like,
• 29:49
  I'm gonna be unloved forever. Oh, god. Like,
• 29:52
  that's I know that's not true. I know
• 29:54
  that's not
• 29:56
  true. Tell my lizard brain that.
• 30:02
  And so I was proud of myself when
• 30:04
  I just, like, said to you, when you
• 30:07
  don't do the thing, it hurts not feelings.
• 30:12
  You know? He's a very giving dom. He
• 30:14
  immediately pinned me down, and I was like,
• 30:16
  thank you. Could you put some more weight
• 30:18
  there? I could I could use it.
• 30:20
  Wrap your leg over something.
• 30:22
  But, you know, I gotta keep you on
• 30:24
  your toes if I do it every time
• 30:25
  you come to expect it. I feel like
• 30:27
  I live my whole life on my toes.
• 30:31
  I feel like the universe is doing a
• 30:34
  good enough job of keeping me on my
• 30:36
  toes. Like that? Okay. Okay. Right. I just
• 30:40
  I don't care what position you keep me
• 30:41
  in other than that. If it's, you know,
• 30:44
  head down ass up, it'll be good. If
• 30:46
  it's flat on my back, it'll still be
• 30:48
  good. I just don't know if on my
• 30:49
  toes is where I need to be at
• 30:52
  that time. Could that be
• 30:55
  the whiny little baby girl speaking? Maybe.
• 30:58
  Maybe. Excuse me.
• 31:00
  But I do you know, part of this,
• 31:02
  it's
• 31:03
  this is how we've kind of always been.
• 31:04
  We've had this this sort of back and
• 31:06
  forth,
• 31:07
  not real conflicts, but playful, but still having
• 31:10
  there's there's slight edge of
• 31:13
  right? Whatever.
• 31:15
  I don't know what that facial expression was.
• 31:16
  I could not podcast listeners, I could not
• 31:17
  describe it to you. I don't know what
• 31:18
  I was thinking. There we are.
• 31:21
  It's more prevalent and noticeable now because it
• 31:24
  had been So long? It had been so
• 31:26
  long since it was genuinely light hearted. Mhmm.
• 31:29
  Like, we have we are gonna make each
• 31:31
  other laugh. We're gonna do a little bit
• 31:33
  of a push and pull.
• 31:34
  You know, all of that's always gonna be
• 31:36
  there. But there, I don't think it's been
• 31:39
  as playful, which is why I haven't clocked
• 31:42
  it. I haven't thought about it Yeah. We
• 31:44
  as something different or I mean, that that
• 31:46
  is something I have noticed
• 31:48
  between us,
• 31:49
  recently
• 31:50
  that,
• 31:51
  you know, we we get into these
• 31:54
  little,
• 31:56
  episodes, maybe.
• 31:57
  And,
• 31:59
  yeah. A few times we've,
• 32:00
  laughed so hard lost our breath.
• 32:03
  Oh my god. Recently. Yeah. I'm I'm
• 32:06
  of a life experience and age where I
• 32:09
  can't laugh laugh too hard, sneeze too hard,
• 32:11
  or do a lot too hard. I'm about
• 32:12
  to pee on myself.
• 32:14
  Challenge accepted. Right. Exactly.
• 32:17
  And we have had
• 32:19
  I am absolutely that person who is, especially
• 32:22
  if we're standing, I'm bent over laughing. I
• 32:24
  also have to go, stop. Stop. I'm about
• 32:25
  to be on myself, and I'm cross I'm,
• 32:27
  like, clenching. I'm kegeling for my fucking life.
• 32:33
  So yeah. Yeah.
• 32:36
  I think that
• 32:38
  in the past
• 32:40
  little bit when we've been this way, because
• 32:42
  we are this way just in there's been
• 32:44
  a little bit more of a tinge of
• 32:47
  real frustration,
• 32:48
  so it was never a actual argument, actual
• 32:51
  conflict, but it wasn't fun to think about
• 32:53
  or talk about later because
• 32:56
  there was still the
• 32:57
  kind of aspect.
• 32:59
  Okay. This third one, this is the last
• 33:01
  one I've got unless something comes to your
• 33:03
  mind Okay. That we've gone through recently. This
• 33:05
  one happens almost every fucking day. Yeah.
• 33:09
  Yeah. And it sometimes does carry a little
• 33:10
  bit of genuine frustration
• 33:13
  because
• 33:13
  we are we are on the verge of
• 33:15
  arguing for no fucking reason. Like, it's not
• 33:17
  even playful. It's like, why are we fussing
• 33:20
  at one another?
• 33:21
  And that is
• 33:23
  whatever conversation we're talking about, whatever conversation we're
• 33:26
  having, a decision will need to be made
• 33:27
  or a plan of action. There will be
• 33:29
  some
• 33:30
  activity action that comes from what we're talking
• 33:33
  about. Maybe it's a thing we already know
• 33:35
  we're gonna do and we're trying to, like,
• 33:37
  game out the details. Maybe it's a decision
• 33:39
  that has to be made. I don't know
• 33:41
  because it happens in every facet of every
• 33:44
  fucking thing we do together.
• 33:46
  We
• 33:47
  will be talking about it.
• 33:50
  I I think I recognize this more than
• 33:52
  you do. Okay. I will recognize
• 33:54
  that I am saying using different words,
• 33:57
  basically the same thing that JB
• 33:59
  is saying.
• 34:01
  But I'm I'm structuring it a little bit
• 34:03
  different. I'm coming at a slightly different viewpoint.
• 34:05
  I am on step three, and he was
• 34:07
  still talking about step one.
• 34:10
  You know? It could be anything.
• 34:13
  And next thing I know, he's getting that
• 34:15
  sharp
• 34:16
  tone that I fundamentally fucking hate.
• 34:19
  Okay. Fight, flight, or freeze. Well, now I'm
• 34:21
  fighting. Okay.
• 34:25
  And he
• 34:27
  like, I
• 34:28
  JB will get a little defensive because he
• 34:31
  is hearing something that, it's not what I'm
• 34:32
  trying to convey.
• 34:33
  And so I have to go, woah. Woah.
• 34:35
  Woah.
• 34:37
  We agree.
• 34:38
  Why are we fussing? And he always comes
• 34:40
  back and goes, I don't know.
• 34:43
  Happened today. Yep. This morning. Today. This morning.
• 34:46
  Can't remember what the hell we were talking
• 34:48
  about. Hell either. And that's the that's the
• 34:50
  beauty of those kinds of things. They're so
• 34:52
  nonsensical, unimportant. I don't remember. They're such stupid,
• 34:56
  insignificant
• 34:57
  And they're silly. Things. Yeah. I'm you know,
• 35:00
  we absolutely do have disagreements and arguments and
• 35:04
  even
• 35:04
  shouting fights. Thankfully, that's very rare. Yeah. They're
• 35:07
  about real things. And even if I can't
• 35:09
  remember the details afterwards, I remember
• 35:11
  the topic. Right? I remember what was going
• 35:13
  on and how we got there.
• 35:16
  These small things,
• 35:17
  either we end up laughing afterwards,
• 35:20
  either just at ourselves or, like, at the
• 35:22
  situation,
• 35:23
  or we go we kind of bluster and
• 35:25
  then we move they never stick in my
• 35:27
  brain.
• 35:28
  Never, never, never, never.
• 35:30
  Only that the fact of them, that push
• 35:33
  and pull, that
• 35:35
  I'm trying I'm trying to get a reaction.
• 35:36
  You're not giving me my reaction. I'm trying
• 35:38
  to get a reaction. Right? Those kinds of
• 35:40
  things. Or this one. This one is probably,
• 35:42
  of the three, the most actually genuinely frustrating
• 35:45
  because I don't like to be misunderstood. I
• 35:47
  don't know if anybody's noticed around here how
• 35:49
  I am an over explainer and every thought
• 35:51
  has a parenthetical
• 35:53
  to explain some backstory to the thought,
• 35:57
  that I speak the way I write.
• 36:01
  So I I kinda know where that one
• 36:03
  comes from. It's one, I don't want the
• 36:05
  conflict. We already know. Mhmm. So I'm sensing
• 36:08
  conflict where I'm like, why why why is
• 36:10
  there conflict? We're talk we're agreeing. We agree.
• 36:12
  We agree. We agree. Mhmm. But then
• 36:17
  there's also the oh, and I can't and
• 36:19
  I'm and I know it drives you genuinely
• 36:21
  crazy. I over explain because I think you
• 36:24
  you must be misunderstanding
• 36:26
  me. You're not getting my point. Now that
• 36:28
  is a time when you'll use your your
• 36:31
  dumb voice to shut it down and my
• 36:32
  feelings genuinely are hurt because I'm like, but
• 36:35
  I had a little bit more I need
• 36:36
  to say. And what if he doesn't understand?
• 36:38
  And he is having this response based on
• 36:41
  a thing he thought I said?
• 36:43
  Yes. I know I need a therapist. Whatever.
• 36:52
  Anyway, so that one does carry
• 36:54
  a genuine edge of frustration, but it does
• 36:56
  depend on
• 36:58
  it's it's
• 36:59
  context dependent. If we were laughing and joking
• 37:01
  and then found ourselves in that silly little
• 37:04
  back and forth, what are we arguing about?
• 37:06
  I can even if you get sharp, I
• 37:07
  can laugh it off. Off. But if it's
• 37:09
  been a really serious tense moment and we've
• 37:11
  led into it,
• 37:13
  then it's not fun. Then it's not silly.
• 37:16
  It's silly in the the sense of
• 37:18
  why, what is happening. This is unnecessary.
• 37:21
  But it's not like silly like, oh, I'm
• 37:24
  giggling about this now.
• 37:27
  And I just wanna do things that make
• 37:29
  me laugh about it later. That's that's my
• 37:32
  that's what I want. I we don't get
• 37:33
  what we want. I know, but that's what
• 37:35
  I want.
• 37:36
  So yeah.
• 37:37
  Here's the thing. Did this does this conversation
• 37:40
  have an absolute point? No. I I know.
• 37:43
  We need it lighthearted,
• 37:45
  and I basically am throwing this out here
• 37:47
  so that I can
• 37:48
  so I know somebody. It might be one
• 37:52
  out of however many of you there are.
• 37:54
  Somebody can relate. Somebody has had their own
• 37:57
  similar experience
• 37:58
  and is like, yeah that happens to us
• 38:00
  too, maybe in a slightly different way. I
• 38:02
  just need to know I'm not alone.
• 38:05
  And if you are recognizing
• 38:07
  any of this in your own self, you're
• 38:09
  not alone. And I'm glad I could give
• 38:11
  that to you. Because sometimes I'll walk around
• 38:13
  here going, am I in crazy town? More
• 38:15
  so than I'm obviously in crazy town. Like,
• 38:18
  are we in crazy town together? What is
• 38:20
  happening
• 38:21
  here?
• 38:23
  The more serious version of the we're are
• 38:25
  we're saying making the same point, saying it
• 38:27
  differently, you know, think we're in conflict
• 38:30
  is the one, and we have talked about
• 38:31
  this before,
• 38:32
  where we get into an unnecessary
• 38:35
  argument and we both agree on the outcome,
• 38:37
  but
• 38:39
  moods got heated. Yeah. And I'll kinda yell
• 38:42
  out in the middle, you know, we're we're
• 38:44
  supposed to like one another. We're on the
• 38:47
  same team here. What?
• 38:51
  So for somebody who is extremely conflict averse,
• 38:53
  I will do that. It's a I think
• 38:55
  it's a sense of safety thing. I don't
• 38:56
  know. I don't know what it is because
• 38:58
  it
• 38:59
  it fluctuates. It shifts. Like, some days, I'm
• 39:01
  really I'm on it, and I can just
• 39:03
  tell you what needs to be told to
• 39:04
  you. And other days, I
• 39:07
  I just can't. But yeah.
• 39:09
  So those are some of our
• 39:11
  very silly little conflicts that are mostly
• 39:14
  the first two definitely are about our power
• 39:16
  exchange. Yeah.
• 39:19
  There's no real point other than somebody out
• 39:21
  there
• 39:22
  can commiserate, and I'm not a the only
• 39:25
  crazy person. I mean, we're all crazy here,
• 39:27
  but at least I'm not alone in this
• 39:29
  part of my crazy is is what I'm
• 39:31
  I'm saying. No.
• 39:33
  Told you this to be short. I don't
• 39:34
  I we just we just needed we just
• 39:36
  needed to laugh. Yeah. Yep. We just
• 39:44
  Anyway
• 39:45
  It's fun.
• 39:49
  Is it?
• 39:52
  Is it?
• 39:53
  Yes.
• 39:55
  So I guess we'll just keep the hilarity
• 39:57
  going
• 39:58
  and go into a bonus section. I got
• 40:00
  nothing to add to any of that y'all.
• 40:01
  I'm actually I'm emptied out. I didn't know
• 40:03
  it could happen. Here we go. 428
• 40:06
  episodes later, I could actually just hit a
• 40:08
  point where I had nothing else to say
• 40:09
  about a topic. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Because
• 40:12
  because I didn't think there was a point.
• 40:13
  I was just having fun. Mhmm. So, are
• 40:16
  we good? I don't know. I don't know.
• 40:19
  Keep it kinky y'all. And we'll see you
• 40:21
  next week.
• 40:31
  Daddy.
• 40:35
  Yes, baby girl. A
• 40:37
  your fellow dom and sadist is petitioning for
• 40:40
  an extended bonus section.
• 40:42
  Oh. It's not me asking.
• 40:44
  That's true. It's not. It's somebody that, you
• 40:45
  know Yeah. You're on kind of a similar
• 40:47
  level with, and I know you respect a
• 40:49
  lot, and and they have suggested it. I
• 40:51
  I see that. That that could be
• 40:54
  a a possibility. Sometimes you have to give
• 40:56
  the people what they want.
• 40:57
  Understand.
• 40:58
  I don't know that we got enough to
• 40:59
  talk about to justify an extended bonus section.
• 41:04
  We can give the Lola update. Yep. Lola
• 41:07
  had her,
• 41:08
  appointment at the Ophthalmologist. Ophthalmologist.
• 41:11
  It's okay. I'll say it for you. Thank
• 41:12
  you. It's the service I provide. And,
• 41:17
  we we did get
• 41:20
  They had they had to get her on
• 41:21
  a scale.
• 41:22
  Yeah.
• 41:24
  And and it was
• 41:26
  she she cooperated.
• 41:28
  She is down to seventy eight pounds. And
• 41:30
  really closer to seventy seven. Yeah.
• 41:33
  Yeah. She's it's
• 41:35
  So she she is is Slowly but surely.
• 41:38
  Now you're starting to to lose some of
• 41:41
  that weight. She's got a little waistline at
• 41:43
  her back hips. It's adorable.
• 41:45
  And,
• 41:47
  as they should have, the the vet tech
• 41:49
  and the, doctor fell in love with her.
• 41:51
  Mhmm. How can you not?
• 41:53
  Also, she did look pitiful because even though
• 41:55
  this I've never been to a vet specialist
• 41:58
  before. It's either been a busy vet's office
• 42:00
  or the busy vet's ER office, right, where
• 42:04
  it's all chaos all the time. This place
• 42:06
  was quiet. We were, to our knowledge, the
• 42:09
  only ones there. There was not a lot
• 42:10
  of noise going on.
• 42:13
  Very, very calm place. And she took one
• 42:15
  sniff around and went, fuck this shit. Mhmm.
• 42:18
  And we were dragging her down the hallway.
• 42:20
  Now did I go out out of, like,
• 42:22
  the little
• 42:24
  jar thing they have on their desk? Mhmm.
• 42:26
  A treat. Hold it in front of her
• 42:27
  nose so she could sniff it and, like,
• 42:29
  inch towards the exam room and she kind
• 42:32
  of followed me. We just need to get
• 42:33
  a a a stick to attach to a
• 42:36
  harness with with a treat hanging off of
• 42:39
  it. Yeah. Like, carrot on a stick. Mhmm.
• 42:41
  So,
• 42:43
  you know, as silent asked if there's a
• 42:45
  goal weight. When we
• 42:49
  adopted her, she was what? 60? She was
• 42:51
  fifty seven pounds. Fifty seven. Mhmm. She needs
• 42:54
  what the vet told us at the time
• 42:55
  is she needs to stay between about fifty
• 42:57
  five and sixty five Mhmm. To be at
• 42:58
  her healthy weight. Yeah.
• 43:00
  Yep. And she's getting there. And and I
• 43:03
  I have noticed,
• 43:04
  now and I I was kinda thinking that
• 43:07
  there was weight, you know, dropped and because
• 43:10
  I did see her,
• 43:12
  you know,
• 43:13
  moving around and jumping up and down couch
• 43:15
  a little easier. I think if she was
• 43:17
  more active, the weight loss would I mean,
• 43:20
  I think that's true of everybody in this
• 43:22
  household.
• 43:23
  If we were more active, that would be
• 43:25
  a little easier. And, Susan asked, there's eye
• 43:27
  doctors for dogs? Apparently, yes.
• 43:30
  They're they do dogs, cats, horses. Right. And
• 43:34
  and apparently, even, like, small pets and Mhmm.
• 43:37
  Non mammalian pets. Yeah. But, ultimately,
• 43:40
  what they decided is they do not recommend
• 43:43
  surgery surgery for her right now.
• 43:46
  Well, he he he said she does not
• 43:48
  have I think Glentropion.
• 43:49
  No. But he also said that the thing
• 43:51
  she does have this haze over her eye.
• 43:54
  We're gonna try to prevent a thing that
• 43:56
  can occur called bulla.
• 43:59
  Anybody who's a vet person maybe knows stuff
• 44:01
  that I don't know if I'm saying that
• 44:02
  right, but these they're bubbles that can actually,
• 44:03
  like, appear in, like, her eyeball.
• 44:06
  And if that occurs, she could potentially need
• 44:09
  surgery. But he's like, she's been really lucky
• 44:11
  with her eyes so far, because we were
• 44:13
  explaining how long her eye has been this
• 44:14
  way. He's like, they haven't formed yet, the
• 44:17
  bullet, whatever they're called. We're gonna do the
• 44:19
  the
• 44:20
  drops in her eye to try to prevent
• 44:22
  them. And if it prevents them over the
• 44:23
  next six months,
• 44:25
  then you you're probably out of the woods
• 44:26
  and should be fine. Okay.
• 44:29
  So, yeah, she gets to live with eye
• 44:31
  drops. And and as for the haze clearing
• 44:33
  up,
• 44:34
  it may, it may not. Yeah. He even
• 44:36
  said our goal is not to clear up
• 44:38
  the haze in her eye. It's to make
• 44:39
  sure these little bubble things don't form. And
• 44:41
  it's yeah. But it's Yeah. Eye drops twice
• 44:44
  a day for six
• 44:46
  months.
• 44:47
  And, you know, he
• 44:49
  he he stated, because I did ask,
• 44:51
  you know, there is nothing
• 44:53
  apparently painful
• 44:54
  Yeah. For her about with any of this.
• 44:56
  Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
• 44:58
  Her she
• 45:01
  she is not blind in the eye.
• 45:03
  He said
• 45:05
  her she still has sight in the eye,
• 45:07
  it's just slightly hazed. And he said it's
• 45:09
  mostly gonna be hazed in bright light. He's
• 45:11
  like, so in dark light when her her
• 45:14
  eyes, like, dilate and the pupils get really
• 45:16
  big,
• 45:17
  there's less of a haze. There's more pupil
• 45:19
  than there is haze. He and he and
• 45:20
  this was fascinating. He was like, I love
• 45:22
  it when they explain shit so you can
• 45:24
  kinda understand it. I liked it. He goes,
• 45:26
  in bright light, those pupils get smaller. He's
• 45:28
  like, well, then there's less more of the
• 45:30
  haze is covering.
• 45:31
  Mhmm. He said it's probably more like if
• 45:33
  you go into a room when there's condensation
• 45:35
  and fog after a hot shower. He's like,
• 45:37
  she can see, but it's gonna be a
• 45:39
  little foggy, a little blurry. I'm like, okay.
• 45:42
  Now he,
• 45:43
  you know, they they you know, I I
• 45:45
  wanna say this about the vet tech Mhmm.
• 45:47
  There.
• 45:49
  She
• 45:51
  was
• 45:52
  familiar with pitties. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay?
• 45:56
  And anytime
• 45:58
  before she would do anything with Lola,
• 46:03
  Like, she had to take some pictures of
• 46:04
  Lola and and get some pictures of the
• 46:06
  eye. She let her sniff the camera. Everything
• 46:08
  she did, she let her sniff it first.
• 46:09
  Everything she did, she let us let her
• 46:11
  sniff it first. And I'm thinking, yeah.
• 46:13
  Mhmm. That's how you do it. Like how
• 46:15
  you do it. We do. I think Lolo
• 46:17
  really wanted to like them. Yeah. Because they're
• 46:20
  vet people. They're good with animals. They've they've
• 46:22
  had us at ease. Yeah. But she was
• 46:24
  just like, I hate this place and everything
• 46:27
  about it. Yeah. I can smell the the
• 46:28
  fear. Well, she's she she has been dragged
• 46:31
  around I know. To a lot of different
• 46:33
  appointments and and there's gonna be one more
• 46:35
  coming up. Yeah. We're gonna go back to
• 46:37
  getting her allergy shot. Allergy shot. There's a
• 46:39
  good chance that some of the problems she's
• 46:41
  experienced with her eye, because it was not
• 46:43
  the entropion with the eyelids and the eyelashes
• 46:46
  that we had no. It was not that.
• 46:47
  There's a good chance that some of the
• 46:49
  injury to her eye came from scratching
• 46:52
  because of allergies.
• 46:55
  So fun times there.
• 46:57
  But, yeah, it was they were really nice.
• 47:00
  It was very it's not your typical
• 47:03
  not your typical vet experience. No chaos.
• 47:06
  But, also, when I paid the bill, I
• 47:07
  went, oh, that's right. This is a specialist.
• 47:10
  Yep. These are specialist prices. Yes. Yeah.
• 47:14
  Yeah. So one one of the questions he
• 47:16
  did ask too over there, he goes, you
• 47:18
  wouldn't happen to have any other animals at
• 47:20
  home, do you?
• 47:21
  Two ornery cats.
• 47:24
  So
• 47:25
  he, he said there there is a possibility.
• 47:28
  They at this point, they do not know
• 47:30
  for sure. It's too old to answer for
• 47:31
  about. He he thinks there may be a
• 47:33
  possibility that something poked into her eye, like
• 47:36
  a a sharp, you know, like Like a
• 47:37
  cat scratch? Club.
• 47:39
  And,
• 47:40
  you know, it it did not do serious
• 47:43
  damage. It didn't go deep enough to do
• 47:45
  serious damage. I'm gonna say, she is so
• 47:46
  lucky. She is so lucky. Right. Right.
• 47:49
  So, you know,
• 47:51
  so what,
• 47:52
  it could have been caused from her playing
• 47:54
  with her toys, the way she gets she
• 47:55
  gets very aggressive She does. With some of
• 47:57
  her toys. And I egg her on. I
• 47:59
  go, kill it, kill it, chill. I know.
• 48:00
  I do too.
• 48:05
  Yeah. So so that that's kinda
• 48:08
  She gave JB side eye for the whole
• 48:10
  rest of the day. Oh my god. When
• 48:12
  we got home,
• 48:14
  she did not wanna come right in the
• 48:16
  house. Mm-mm. She wanted to stay outside.
• 48:20
  She was so pissed at me.
• 48:22
  I don't know why she stopped pissed at
• 48:23
  me. I'm there too. She was so pissed
• 48:26
  at me.
• 48:27
  Kayla went in the house, and I was
• 48:29
  like, okay, I'm gonna let her, you know,
• 48:31
  walk a little bit. No. You know what
• 48:33
  she did? She walked out into the middle
• 48:35
  of our street
• 48:36
  and lay down. Just and Just just lay
• 48:38
  down. I'm not moving. You can't make me.
• 48:41
  And nope. That's where that's where she She
• 48:43
  became an immovable object. Yep. Now the one
• 48:45
  thing that was it was heartbreaking, but it
• 48:47
  was also super sweet. So at the vet
• 48:50
  in the exam room,
• 48:52
  they had this bench like seat that
• 48:54
  might have been a little smaller
• 48:56
  in length as, like, a love seat or
• 48:58
  something. Right? There was only a foot and
• 49:01
  a half amount, 18 inches max space between
• 49:03
  me and JB.
• 49:05
  When they started coming at her eyes to
• 49:07
  put drops in, to look at them, to
• 49:09
  get close, she jumped
• 49:11
  up in between this she's not she's she's
• 49:13
  not she's like her mom. She's big boned.
• 49:16
  So she ain't a small girl.
• 49:18
  She wedged herself in between us and then
• 49:22
  hid her face, like, at the back of
• 49:23
  this kinda wannabe couch thing.
• 49:26
  And, you know, they were able to manipulate
• 49:27
  her head safely so they could look at
• 49:28
  her eyes. And she refused to be away
• 49:28
  from us so bad that even as her
• 49:28
  ass started to
• 49:30
  refused
• 49:31
  to be away from us so bad that
• 49:33
  even as her ass started to fall off
• 49:34
  the side, because there literally was not enough
• 49:36
  room for her, she,
• 49:38
  like,
• 49:39
  front legs just kept herself
• 49:41
  up. I I had to put an arm
• 49:42
  under her butt. And then when she finally
• 49:44
  hit her I cannot take this another fucking
• 49:47
  second
• 49:49
  moment, she Pushed herself behind me. Pushed herself
• 49:52
  behind me. So I was just sitting on
• 49:54
  the edge,
• 49:55
  and she was pushing her weight into me.
• 49:57
  I don't know if it was a comfort
• 49:58
  thing or it's like, get the fuck off
• 50:00
  this couch. It's mine. Or if I stay
• 50:02
  close to you, they can't find me. I
• 50:03
  don't know what it was. Right. But I
• 50:05
  was like, okay. She doesn't hate us. She
• 50:07
  thinks we're hers we're safe for her. She
• 50:09
  wants to hide behind us. But
• 50:13
  Yeah. And it just breaks your heart because
• 50:15
  they're being kind hurt and they were in
• 50:17
  the vet the tech was even like, we're
• 50:19
  not gonna there's no shots. We're not even
• 50:21
  taking temperature. We're just concerned with the eye.
• 50:23
  Right. And,
• 50:25
  so we understood as human beings
• 50:29
  what it was fine, but she was just
• 50:30
  she was so stressed out. She was like,
• 50:32
  I don't wanna be here. I hate everything
• 50:33
  about this. We walked into the lobby. The
• 50:35
  lobby looked like,
• 50:37
  like a human medical doctor's office. It was
• 50:39
  very, very a special to specialist
• 50:42
  office,
• 50:43
  specialty office. What are words? I don't know.
• 50:46
  Like, very nice.
• 50:48
  And she she we were the only ones
• 50:50
  in there.
• 50:51
  She immediately noped out and went and put
• 50:54
  her nose on the glass door to walk
• 50:56
  out. She's like, we walked in this way.
• 50:57
  We can walk out this way. Way out.
• 51:00
  Yeah. Oh my god.
• 51:02
  Look, she got a treat afterwards. Okay? Yes.
• 51:04
  She did. She did. She got some munchkins
• 51:06
  from Dunkin',
• 51:07
  and they over they gave us too many,
• 51:09
  so we also got some Munchkins from Dunkin'.
• 51:11
  Yeah.
• 51:12
  But So so that that's that's kinda where
• 51:15
  Lola's at. Mhmm. Mhmm.
• 51:18
  And,
• 51:20
  what else?
• 51:24
  I didn't announce it because it's almost over
• 51:26
  as of day of recording. By the time
• 51:27
  most people hear or watch this, it will
• 51:29
  be over. Kinkery's been having a sale,
• 51:31
  and you've been, like, running around
• 51:34
  chicken head cut off kinda mode to get
• 51:35
  the restocks done.
• 51:38
  It's been, you know, it's been good for
• 51:40
  those who can, you know, or like, yeah.
• 51:41
  Yeah. I'll buy some new toys right now
• 51:43
  while the world's on fire.
• 51:47
  But that's taken up
• 51:48
  a lot of
• 51:50
  my time. Mhmm.
• 51:52
  Okay. I'm only gonna talk about this because
• 51:53
  I have bitched about this in the past,
• 51:55
  and I was sort of pleasantly surprised. I
• 51:58
  had my annual well woman visit where they,
• 52:00
  you know Mhmm. Do the they root around
• 52:03
  up there and make sure most all is
• 52:06
  well.
• 52:09
  I walk at first, I don't usually have
• 52:11
  anxiety over going to the doctor. Like, I
• 52:13
  mean, a kind of college disappointment is not
• 52:15
  the most fun. Okay?
• 52:18
  I I don't,
• 52:20
  but I'm usually fine.
• 52:22
  Something about it had me very anxious.
• 52:25
  I think it was because I really don't
• 52:27
  vibe with this doctor and every other appointment
• 52:30
  prior I have felt like I've
• 52:32
  had to fight for the treatment that, you
• 52:34
  know, I think I need. I mean, I
• 52:36
  defer to a doctor's expertise, but it's like,
• 52:40
  everything I'm learning this can I try this,
• 52:42
  please? Right? And and she's she's done it
• 52:44
  for me. And this time, I walked in,
• 52:47
  they already had my prescriptions ready. We didn't
• 52:49
  even have to discuss whether I needed them.
• 52:51
  I was like, oh, clearly you need them.
• 52:54
  She actually knew what she was in there
• 52:55
  for to do with me. I didn't have
• 52:57
  to remind her three times like I have
• 52:59
  done in the past.
• 53:02
  She just we are still not in the
• 53:05
  same, like,
• 53:06
  we don't have the same vibe, but it
• 53:08
  was such a much more pleasant
• 53:11
  experience. And here's what I I realized, and
• 53:13
  it's a thing that I think people know
• 53:15
  but you don't think about.
• 53:16
  Every other visit I'd had with her was
• 53:19
  before
• 53:20
  a knee? A knee surgery she desperately needed.
• 53:24
  She was willing to, like, she had to
• 53:25
  be out of work for like two or
• 53:26
  three months for this knee surgery.
• 53:29
  And
• 53:30
  I'm thinking, I'm guessing that she was probably
• 53:33
  stressed, probably in pain, very uncomfortable prior to
• 53:36
  all that. She said her niece she told
• 53:38
  me, knee surgery went really well. Yes. Because
• 53:40
  I it's like talking to a completely different
• 53:41
  person. No. And I was like, okay, that's
• 53:41
  that is the power of having
• 53:43
  a completely different person. No. I was like,
• 53:44
  okay. That's that is the power
• 53:46
  of having pain, stress, and or worry
• 53:49
  alleviated a little bit because it she was
• 53:51
  and, hell, maybe the couple months off to
• 53:53
  just get away from it all helped as
• 53:55
  well. I don't know.
• 53:57
  But, yeah, it was
• 53:59
  it was straightforward.
• 54:01
  It
• 54:02
  she
• 54:03
  I didn't have to tell her 85 times
• 54:05
  what was happening and why we're there. She
• 54:08
  actually had I'd had blood work done in
• 54:11
  December and normally she would just look at
• 54:13
  the most recent blood work and never compare
• 54:15
  it to anything and go, well, it looks
• 54:17
  kind of okay to me. And I'd have
• 54:18
  to go, well, I was looking at the
• 54:20
  history of blood work and this
• 54:22
  I mean, you have to advocate for yourself.
• 54:23
  Sure, but I should not be
• 54:26
  talking more doctor speak than the doctor.
• 54:29
  And this time it just wasn't like that.
• 54:30
  But I had gotten myself so worked up
• 54:32
  and so,
• 54:33
  like,
• 54:34
  just on edge about the whole thing that
• 54:37
  by the time got home, we ended up
• 54:38
  running more errands after that. I I fell
• 54:41
  apart.
• 54:42
  It's like,
• 54:43
  like my brain has not caught up with
• 54:45
  the fact that we are not in fact
• 54:46
  being chased by wild animals
• 54:49
  and I built it up and then it
• 54:50
  was anticlimactic. And I was, I think I
• 54:52
  didn't know what to do next. Oh my
• 54:54
  god.
• 54:56
  I was like, I just
• 54:57
  silent ass. They're still poking around up there
• 54:59
  post hysterectomy. Yes. Not not. Okay. So anybody
• 55:03
  who has ever,
• 55:04
  had a pap smear, had a speculum
• 55:07
  placed in places that speculums can go,
• 55:11
  my
• 55:11
  exam,
• 55:13
  since I now have no uterus and no
• 55:15
  cervix,
• 55:16
  is
• 55:17
  not as uncomfortable, physically uncomfortable,
• 55:20
  and not quite as invasive. Like, that speculum
• 55:23
  didn't have to hang out there for five
• 55:25
  minutes. Right? There were no cotton swabs going
• 55:28
  up there and zooshing around.
• 55:31
  There was an exam, but, yeah, it was
• 55:35
  my in my from my perspective, mild compared
• 55:38
  to pre hysterectomy surgery. Gotcha. Mhmm. Mhmm. Okay.
• 55:42
  Mhmm.
• 55:44
  Yep.
• 55:45
  Yeah. For anybody who's like, I didn't need
• 55:47
  to know that much about the vagina. Well,
• 55:49
  we all get to learn around here. Okay?
• 55:53
  Y'all have to know that if I had
• 55:55
  I am an clearly, I'm an oversharer
• 55:58
  when I am comfortable.
• 56:00
  If I had been getting periods this whole
• 56:02
  whole time that y'all have known me in
• 56:03
  this way, y'all heard way too much about
• 56:05
  my periods too. I would tell you when
• 56:07
  I had cramps and was cranky. I would
• 56:08
  not hide that shit because if I have
• 56:10
  to live with it, so does every fucking
• 56:12
  body else.
• 56:13
  But you have never known me.
• 56:17
  Well,
• 56:18
  the amount of time you know me, I've
• 56:19
  never had a period.
• 56:20
  Correct.
• 56:21
  Yeah.
• 56:22
  You you don't know how happy you should
• 56:25
  be about that.
• 56:31
  So
• 56:32
  yeah.
• 56:33
  Yeah. Excuse me.
• 56:35
  Oh, and I had I had health concerns,
• 56:37
  and she actually addressed them in a coherent
• 56:40
  way and gave me a plan.
• 56:42
  I was of action, and I was like,
• 56:44
  okay. Okay. Look at you doctoring over here.
• 56:47
  I'm
• 56:48
  we're still two very different people. Right? Like,
• 56:52
  we would not interact if we did not
• 56:54
  have this professional relationship.
• 56:56
  But, yeah, it was much better. So that
• 56:58
  was nice. Mhmm. Pleasant surprise. Yeah.
• 57:01
  And she she's so funny. Well woman exam
• 57:04
  in a under US
• 57:07
  health insurance laws, you're not supposed to be
• 57:09
  charged for it. It's supposed to be it's
• 57:11
  preventative.
• 57:12
  You don't get billed for it. Except, because
• 57:14
  of course there's fucking loopholes.
• 57:16
  If they have to diagnose you with something
• 57:17
  or write a brand new prescription for you
• 57:19
  Yeah. Or discuss any health concerns,
• 57:23
  then they have to bill for that. And
• 57:25
  she she found
• 57:27
  I'm not talking about it. It's fine. It's
• 57:28
  nothing serious. I just don't wanna talk about
• 57:29
  it. She found something. She's like, oh,
• 57:33
  I found that. I'm diagnosing that.
• 57:37
  She's gonna get billed, isn't she? And the
• 57:38
  note taker's like, mhmm. She's gonna get billed.
• 57:40
  I was like, thanks for
• 57:43
  caring.
• 57:44
  Thanks for caring. I appreciate
• 57:46
  it.
• 57:49
  So yeah.
• 57:52
  Yeah. It was it was really weird. I
• 57:54
  walked in expecting one thing,
• 57:57
  completely different outcome, and then just kind of
• 58:00
  emotionally collapsed. I we're driving down the road
• 58:02
  running errands, and I'm like, tears are just
• 58:04
  streaming. I'm like, I don't even know why
• 58:06
  I'm crying. I just need to release the
• 58:08
  pressure, I think.
• 58:09
  It was weird. Yeah.
• 58:14
  So yeah. I mean
• 58:16
  oh, I think we're finally gonna be on
• 58:19
  the the next step on the replace the
• 58:22
  kitchen floor saga. Yes. Yes. Yes. The money
• 58:24
  is finally gonna be, it looks like, back
• 58:27
  in our hands
• 58:28
  tomorrow. So we could go to the bank
• 58:29
  and go, here, hold our money for us.
• 58:31
  Mhmm. And then we gotta find a contractor.
• 58:32
  Then we gotta find a contractor. Mhmm. I'm
• 58:34
  hope so And I have thoughts, so I'm
• 58:36
  gonna talk to you about that. Cool.
• 58:38
  This is on top of,
• 58:39
  we have to deal with the RAV. Mhmm.
• 58:41
  And you you know, I did the research.
• 58:43
  You Yeah. Got the next steps, so I've
• 58:44
  thrown that to you. But we're under,
• 58:47
  an artificial,
• 58:48
  deadline because we wanna get it taken care
• 58:50
  of and off our insurance before Before we
• 58:52
  go. The next payment. Mhmm.
• 58:54
  So Yeah. And then there's just always
• 58:58
  something. You know, I'm I'm There's always something
• 59:00
  to tell you. I I think the RAV
• 59:03
  knows
• 59:04
  because I moved it yesterday. Mhmm.
• 59:06
  It ran just fine, didn't it? No. No.
• 59:09
  It was bad. Yeah. Oh, no. I figured
• 59:12
  it'd start, like, running like a champ for
• 59:13
  you. It's like, don't get rid of me.
• 59:15
  No. I like it here.
• 59:16
  Well, I wish I didn't have to, but
• 59:19
  yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. It it, went
• 59:22
  after I
• 59:23
  started it. Mhmm. Oh, did not sound good.
• 59:26
  Oh, yeah. Yeah. Did not sound good.
• 59:29
  I we're gonna we're gonna get creative at
• 59:31
  some point, I'm sure, about not just having
• 59:34
  the Corolla because that's gonna be
• 59:39
  did it. Yep. But it
• 59:42
  that's not you don't usually see a Corolla
• 59:45
  rock out. No. No. No. No. No. No.
• 59:48
  Vans and pickups
• 59:51
  or SUVs.
• 59:52
  Yep. Yep. Yeah. Yeah.
• 59:54
  Yeah. Yeah. And it's
• 59:57
  it's kind of in the backcountry a little
• 59:59
  bit, and you you don't, like, you drive
• 1:00:01
  down a little lane, and then you kinda
• 1:00:02
  go off road on Yeah. It's a grass.
• 1:00:05
  It's a dirt driveway
• 1:00:07
  that's about,
• 1:00:08
  And you come off the driveway because you
• 1:00:10
  park drive across the grass. Yeah. Right.
• 1:00:13
  The Corolla. That's gonna be interesting. Mhmm. Mhmm.
• 1:00:17
  That's gonna be interesting. Yep.
• 1:00:21
  So yeah.
• 1:00:22
  Yeah. I'm doing that, and we've, you know,
• 1:00:25
  we were talking about doing some more yard
• 1:00:27
  work,
• 1:00:28
  stuff around the house that needs to be
• 1:00:29
  done. Oh, yeah. It's another thing we're
• 1:00:32
  working towards and might be doing getting tree
• 1:00:35
  work done around here.
• 1:00:37
  So that will be, get estimates for Oh,
• 1:00:40
  god.
• 1:00:41
  When we when we first when we first
• 1:00:43
  moved in here, I had somebody come in
• 1:00:45
  and freshly do all the Mhmm.
• 1:00:48
  All the trees.
• 1:00:49
  And and they did a really, really fine
• 1:00:51
  job of it, and
• 1:00:53
  I have been able to,
• 1:00:58
  keep up with it, you know, for the
• 1:01:00
  most part and keep it,
• 1:01:02
  you know, maintained. Mhmm. But now it's back
• 1:01:05
  to that point
• 1:01:07
  that, kinda need a a professional to come
• 1:01:09
  in with their Mhmm.
• 1:01:12
  Cherry pickers and stuff and get up there
• 1:01:14
  and There's a lot of fucking adulting in
• 1:01:15
  this homeownership
• 1:01:18
  Look, I'm I'm grateful that we have the
• 1:01:21
  luxury truly of owning our own home. Yeah.
• 1:01:23
  However, that luxury is then,
• 1:01:27
  balanced out by the, oh my god, that
• 1:01:29
  that has to be done too.
• 1:01:32
  Mhmm. And and yet the oldest is now
• 1:01:34
  finding out how
• 1:01:36
  when things break down in an in a
• 1:01:38
  rented apartment,
• 1:01:39
  that maintenance is not,
• 1:01:41
  gonna be right there. No. No.
• 1:01:44
  I I don't think he's had the experience
• 1:01:46
  yet, but he will probably, at some point,
• 1:01:48
  have the experience of, yeah. Yeah. We came
• 1:01:50
  out to look at that broken thing, but
• 1:01:51
  we basically just, you know, put some duct
• 1:01:53
  tape and spit on it. It'll hold together.
• 1:01:56
  You'll call us when it breaks again, but
• 1:01:57
  we're not putting any actual
• 1:01:59
  funds into
• 1:02:00
  truly fixing this. Yeah. He's he's having that
• 1:02:03
  kind of Mhmm.
• 1:02:04
  But I still I still
• 1:02:07
  just revel in those moments where he looks
• 1:02:08
  at me and goes, I can't believe I
• 1:02:10
  wanted to be an adult this bad, this
• 1:02:12
  soon. What the hell was I thinking? And
• 1:02:15
  I'm like,
• 1:02:16
  we tried to tell you. Tell you. You
• 1:02:18
  didn't believe us. There's something you just gotta
• 1:02:20
  discover for yourself.
• 1:02:25
  So
• 1:02:25
  Yeah.
• 1:02:27
  Tayshia, I like that. Home ownership is a
• 1:02:30
  fight against entropy.
• 1:02:32
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:02:33
  I like that. It's true. I I say
• 1:02:36
  let the land take it back. Just let
• 1:02:38
  mother nature have it. Okay?
• 1:02:40
  Let the ivy grow over the house. I'll
• 1:02:42
  turn this into a cave. I'll just stay
• 1:02:43
  in here and never leave.
• 1:02:45
  Have the, you know, delivery drivers throw packages
• 1:02:48
  out and, you know Yeah. Cut my way
• 1:02:50
  out with a machete and just let let
• 1:02:52
  it go back to the land.
• 1:02:54
  It's fine.
• 1:02:57
  Yeah. Yeah. I think that right now, it's
• 1:02:59
  hard to be like, oh, we've got this.
• 1:03:01
  Or we haven't even had a chance to
• 1:03:02
  talk about, like,
• 1:03:04
  doing more things
• 1:03:06
  purposefully
• 1:03:07
  and specifically towards our power exchange because it's
• 1:03:10
  fucking
• 1:03:11
  adult life bullshit. There's there's been a lot
• 1:03:14
  there's been a lot of adulting lately. Yes.
• 1:03:17
  There has.
• 1:03:18
  But
• 1:03:21
  we're getting shit done. We are getting shit
• 1:03:23
  done. And it is a nice feeling to
• 1:03:24
  finally get shit done. And and we're we're
• 1:03:27
  moving forward on many things. Mhmm. So,
• 1:03:30
  you know, I I
• 1:03:32
  I feel feeling,
• 1:03:35
  more and more in a good place. Mhmm.
• 1:03:37
  Yeah. You are definitely steadier and calmer and
• 1:03:40
  Mhmm.
• 1:03:41
  Yeah. I'm I'm the one struggling, not because
• 1:03:43
  there's, you know,
• 1:03:45
  life is bad or anything. It's just it's
• 1:03:47
  I I it's a little too chaotic, and
• 1:03:50
  I can't settle. And I just I just
• 1:03:52
  I just wanna
• 1:03:54
  I I just want to do the things
• 1:03:56
  I wanna do in the way I wanna
• 1:03:57
  do them, when I wanna do them on
• 1:03:59
  my own time with no misrepresentations.
• 1:04:02
  That's all I want.
• 1:04:05
  But
• 1:04:10
  I don't have anything else. About it for
• 1:04:12
  me. I mean, yeah. I've been Yeah.
• 1:04:17
  What? I don't know. Yeah. I know. No.
• 1:04:19
  I'm just playing with my hair now. Podcast
• 1:04:21
  listeners, I'm sorry you don't get that to
• 1:04:23
  see that because I'm sure it's scintillating.
• 1:04:27
  All that being said, this was not really
• 1:04:28
  an extended bonus section. Sorry. We're a little
• 1:04:31
  too boring right now.
• 1:04:34
  So I guess we should go. Yeah. I
• 1:04:36
  think there's things you wanted to do. There
• 1:04:38
  are. I'm positive there are things I'm supposed
• 1:04:40
  to be doing. There are?
• 1:04:42
  Do I remember what they are? No. I
• 1:04:43
  don't. That's what to do lists are for.
• 1:04:45
  Did I write a to do list? No.
• 1:04:46
  I did not. What?
• 1:04:48
  What? So we're gonna
• 1:04:51
  go.
• 1:04:51
  We will see y'all next week. Yep.
• 1:04:56
  And that's all I got to say about
• 1:04:57
  that? Mhmm. Okay. Bye. Bye.