Latest / Bomb Life / Unfiltered: Welcome to Our Questionable Life Choices with Melissa & Jen |326

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Unfiltered: Welcome to Our Questionable Life Choices with Melissa & Jen |326 · Bomb Life

0:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to the Bomb Life Podcasts for Fitness, Mindset, and Real Talk Collide.
0:05
[SPEAKER_01]: This is it just about workouts.
0:06
[SPEAKER_01]: It's about transferring your body to mind and life.
0:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Get ready for unsoldier conversation, expert advice, and the motivation you need to level up in every way.
0:14
[SPEAKER_01]: It's the right answer every year, okay.
0:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Here we go.
0:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey everyone, welcome to the bomb life podcast.
0:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I am Melissa Vogel your host.
0:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to the show and today We have the co-host finally we're doing this.
0:29
[SPEAKER_01]: You guys help me welcome Jen Quartay to the show.
0:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Jen welcome Hey, I know I'm here.
0:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Yay.
0:36
[SPEAKER_01]: You guys you have been talking about doing this for a long time
0:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, seriously, I'm like, do we do like our own podcast, do we start doing like once a month?
0:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, between Jen and I, we have so many just like stories and our journey and our life and we're, we've got talking the other week and we're like, we need to do just like completely unfiltered episodes.
1:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Like once a month and you know what Jen, honestly, I think these are going to grow.
1:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I think people are going to want more and they're going to be like, oh, one
1:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, they're gonna be, you know, make you laugh, make you cry, make you ponder what you're doing with your life.
1:20
[SPEAKER_00]: They'll be messy.
1:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Question every life choice you've ever made up to this point when you hear this episode.
1:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, so that's why we're doing this over here.
1:29
[SPEAKER_01]: There and there's so many parts to my story and I just give like little pieces and other episodes, but I don't know there's
1:38
[SPEAKER_01]: There's just not my story in what I want to tell and things I want to share.
1:43
[SPEAKER_01]: They just don't fit in right now.
1:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
1:46
[SPEAKER_00]: So you feel like you'd be kind of pushing your subject onto your guest rather than interviewing them and giving them their space.
1:53
[SPEAKER_00]: So this is a great way for you to tell your story, too.
1:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
1:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Has you been through a lot in the last few years?
2:00
[SPEAKER_01]: It's been crazy.
2:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I drop like things here and there, but it's so few.
2:05
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's, oh yeah.
2:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, oh, absolutely, absolutely.
2:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and I don't know, I think between you and I, I think we both can agree that it's like, you know, if we can make it and figure it out and cry in the closet and pull ourselves out,
2:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, he's crying in the closet.
2:30
[SPEAKER_01]: That, getting about the crying in the closet.
2:32
[SPEAKER_01]: No, it can show other women like you can do it, too.
2:35
[SPEAKER_01]: If we get out of shitty relationships, if we can build and make it, I just, I think our stories, I just want to inspire other people.
2:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you know what, I heard this up so they did it.
2:45
[SPEAKER_01]: I can fucking do it, too.
2:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
2:49
[SPEAKER_00]: There's just, I mean, sure, we go through heart things and it's not being, you know, cold to that or, you know, heartless to what people are going through, but sometimes you really do just have to put on your big girl panties and just get shit done for real, you know?
3:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Because nobody else is going to do it.
3:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Just like you say, nobody else is coming to save you, but it's not even that.
3:09
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just nobody else is there to do the things that we do
3:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep, anything.
3:20
[SPEAKER_01]: So, and unfortunately as much as I don't like saying this, Jen, I think there's more and more women in our position that absolutely, you know, find themselves divorced.
3:35
[SPEAKER_01]: and being like single at an age and with kids and just work and being like, this is not how I plan my life, but you're I am and I don't have a choice, but to go up.
3:46
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't lay down and die.
3:47
[SPEAKER_01]: I got too many people relying on me.
3:49
[SPEAKER_01]: I never take care of myself.
3:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't have enough doing that.
3:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Never expected to be 48 years old and
3:58
[SPEAKER_00]: empty nest, you know, all kids growing all three boys grown.
4:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I know me either.
4:04
[SPEAKER_00]: We didn't say that.
4:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, but I mean, looks like people watch this and be like,
4:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Ah, no, it's just 48.
4:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Oldest sons, 29, middle sons married 25, you know, youngest is 18, had not to call it.
4:20
[SPEAKER_00]: So I just didn't think I'd be here alone.
4:24
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, sure I'm not alone.
4:25
[SPEAKER_00]: I have my friends.
4:26
[SPEAKER_00]: My kids are, you know, around.
4:28
[SPEAKER_00]: We do things.
4:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
4:30
[SPEAKER_00]: All that, but I'm single.
4:32
[SPEAKER_00]: I've been single for almost, wow, six years.
4:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so and and we're going to be sharing all of that because what it is like how it's changed and even the last couple of years dating men.
4:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Safety.
4:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Do women choose the bear.
4:55
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, like all of this stuff, it's just it's an entirely different world done when I first got the first, you know, eight years ago.
5:06
[SPEAKER_00]: It's.
5:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's what I was going to say too is that like we're going to be sharing our experiences that have, you know, kind of a lot of us to be here to make the decisions in our life and and leave what could have been very comfortable in some ways and then yet extremely disgusting and challenging in the other ways.
5:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're like, no, I'm choosing me and the stories that we're going to share just the ends and comments and text messages.
5:34
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like,
5:35
[SPEAKER_00]: The things that you share with me and I read and I'm just like, well, no wonder no one they were here and not like this is not like a man bashing show we're going to have male exactly us, you know, right and I was going to I was just going to say that I was thinking, you know, yes, we want to be here to inspire women, you know, but this is not to bash men, but hopefully take it as, you know, because not all men, I understand that I totally understand that.
6:03
[SPEAKER_00]: But there's enough men and there's a lot of men in its poignant and I'm hoping that some can learn from this for themselves or learn how to step up.
6:16
[SPEAKER_00]: you know and say hey dude that's not cool what you're doing because they just sit back and watch it happen like what was going on yesterday on my page.
6:26
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm getting DMs.
6:27
[SPEAKER_00]: I know of you know this this man was like attacking me on my page on my post and maybe I'll read that here in a minute.
6:36
[SPEAKER_00]: But
6:37
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm getting DMs from men going, wow, you still have all these like crazy men going off on your page and it's like, yeah, it's a daily thing.
6:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm sorry.
6:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, why don't you step in and tell that guy how to act right, you know, what happened to men being protectors, I know, where is that even happening anymore instead they wonder why, you know, I don't even want to go on a coffee date without my son being on the other side of the coffee shop.
7:03
[SPEAKER_00]: story.
7:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, exactly.
7:05
[SPEAKER_00]: He will sit on the other side of the coffee shop.
7:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, of course, the men don't know that, but I just, you can't, you can't go alone.
7:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Men say dating sucks.
7:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Hello, at least you don't have to worry about being chopped up in the little pieces and put in a suitcase and hidden under somebody's bed for real.
7:24
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, you're going to make it home.
7:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
7:27
[SPEAKER_00]: We, what a women.
7:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we have that worry.
7:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, that's a legit, yeah, worry.
7:32
[SPEAKER_00]: yeah sharing our locations telling people who they are where we're going when we're getting their texting on our way texting when we got their texting when we met.
7:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's bad.
7:43
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a lot for us.
7:44
[SPEAKER_01]: And again, not saying anything bad about men in the, you know, you and I see how women behave too.
7:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Like we are just as much the problem.
7:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't know, I guess I'm just hoping that by us having conversation around this being real, it just brings awareness.
7:58
[SPEAKER_01]: You
8:01
[SPEAKER_01]: No, hope we can bring awareness and men can hear this and be like, oh, yeah, that is kind of shit.
8:07
[SPEAKER_01]: You're like, geez, did I act that way or like, okay, I heard this on a podcast one time.
8:11
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to do that on a date for York, right?
8:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to do this.
8:16
[SPEAKER_00]: These men don't even know me.
8:18
[SPEAKER_00]: My post just get pushed out into their feed and they're just like,
8:22
[SPEAKER_00]: they just lumped me into this category.
8:25
[SPEAKER_00]: It's tattoos.
8:27
[SPEAKER_00]: It's, we've had Botox.
8:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's filler.
8:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep, implants.
8:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, the fake ass.
8:33
[SPEAKER_00]: None of these things are true, but they just lumped me in there.
8:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, you're, you're in your 40s.
8:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, men want younger women.
8:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Really?
8:42
[SPEAKER_00]: That's, hmm.
8:44
[SPEAKER_00]: That's why I've got every 32, 34 year old in my DM and in my text.
8:48
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's what I'm dating.
8:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, because men want younger women, right?
8:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I saw this one real the other day.
8:54
[SPEAKER_01]: It was like a woman sitting there and they were like, oh, what my ex has been said to me, like, no, no want you.
8:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And then she's like, really?
9:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And then it popped up on the screen.
9:01
[SPEAKER_01]: And she's like,
9:03
[SPEAKER_00]: 20 year olds 30 year olds the dad that dad's dad is every day I have an angry man attacking me thinking he knows who I am and that just goes to speak sadly about what women have done to men
9:20
[SPEAKER_00]: that day lump us in that category, you know, that right.
9:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
9:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
9:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
9:28
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like the roles are starting to reverse in a lot of ways and it's actually kind of frightening.
9:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm excited to share all this stuff on the show.
9:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
9:36
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's going to give us an outlet.
9:38
[SPEAKER_01]: And again, I hope it's a platform for people to learn and for women to like wake up too, like, hey, don't behave that way.
9:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Work on yourself, you know,
9:48
[SPEAKER_01]: educate yourself, work on your self-worths.
9:51
[SPEAKER_01]: You're not relying on a man for that.
9:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And then, you know, you're acting crazy and insecure because you're not secure enough.
9:59
[SPEAKER_01]: So you act crazy.
10:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And then they're like, oh, women are crazy.
10:02
[SPEAKER_01]: And like, this is what she just wanted this for me.
10:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And then it gives the man, the bad perception.
10:05
[SPEAKER_01]: It just is huge cycle.
10:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I think we can just be like a small stop in that cycle.
10:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Psycho.
10:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Psycho.
10:15
[SPEAKER_00]: In the cycle.
10:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And
10:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know have fun almost four years and we're like this is such good information plus you have
10:25
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, your friends and your followers that want to learn more about you, I have mine.
10:30
[SPEAKER_00]: So this is just like a great way, you know?
10:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's like, here we are doing our thing.
10:36
[SPEAKER_01]: We're doing it, we're doing it.
10:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Yep.
10:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I had to let everyone know like how we know each other.
10:41
[SPEAKER_01]: So Jen actually works with me, everything that you guys see like my website and editing and things like that, the bomb, life logo and everything, Jen does.
10:51
[SPEAKER_01]: So she's like editor, manager, creator,
10:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Facebook ads think you know anything like that gender so is this kind of like a plug?
11:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.
11:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.
11:04
[SPEAKER_01]: It takes a lot to do what I do and a lot of times people are like oh my god how do you do it all?
11:10
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't I don't do it all.
11:12
[SPEAKER_01]: It though.
11:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm I want to be like the chef and like talk and educate and work out and train other people and do all that.
11:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know time to do all that other stuff but all that other stuff is so necessary.
11:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, it's not your will house, just like me needing to go to you about fitness.
11:29
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying like that's not what I know about you know my other clients all different avenues of things.
11:35
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like well, you know, that's that's where you guys that's your knowledge that's your right expertise.
11:42
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't and this is mine.
11:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, which I fell on to.
11:47
[SPEAKER_00]: kind of haphazardly, but it's been going for 10 years now, you know, right built my own business and just started helping others to theirs and
11:58
[SPEAKER_01]: And then that's how that's how we met.
12:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I actually interviewed Jen.
12:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Was it 2000 and 23, yeah, he shit.
12:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I was actually in the hospital.
12:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I wasn't in the hospital.
12:09
[SPEAKER_01]: My mom was in the hospital.
12:10
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that could Michigan.
12:11
[SPEAKER_01]: It was like, okay, look, I still want to talk to you, but like, I can't leave.
12:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was my dad was in the hospital at the same time.
12:19
[SPEAKER_01]: So I had to go back to Michigan.
12:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like literally bouncing back and forth trying to take care of my parents.
12:24
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, hi, let's do an interview.
12:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And then that's when it started.
12:30
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you had crazy stuff going on during that same exact time.
12:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I know it was like, you were like, well, I can talk at this time, you know, and just kind of step away.
12:40
[SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't want to not talk to you and have this opportunity to meet with you and and I know work with you.
12:47
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, my 17 year old, um, signed me his cat, Hennessy, yes, Hennessy.
12:53
[SPEAKER_00]: No, I'm not a
12:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, was actually just, he was basically passing away in my lap and I was just holding him while we were talking and yeah, it was just so crazy.
13:06
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, he passed away like a couple of hours after we talked and then, and then that's like, so see, anniversary of his death.
13:14
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's anniversary when we met and came into each other's lives and, yeah, I've helped
13:23
[SPEAKER_00]: build this friendship and, you know, that's crazy times.
13:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Dude, the amount of like a glee cries, I've done on the phone with you.
13:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, same.
13:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, and we're going to like, we're going to share.
13:41
[SPEAKER_01]: So you guys just got to stay tuned.
13:42
[SPEAKER_01]: You got to use gotta keep listening, but I'm going to give this little teaser.
13:46
[SPEAKER_01]: So Jen received a phone call at
13:51
[SPEAKER_01]: like three in the morning and what did your color ID say?
13:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, it said it was actually private and then it was a private number.
14:01
[SPEAKER_00]: It did say private but it ended number when I saw the voicemail.
14:07
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I was like, who is this?
14:10
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and I looked up the phone number.
14:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and it said LA County gel and it was me yeah, it was me yeah, and there was a voicemail of like, yeah, somebody trying to contact me from the, you know, LA County gel, but of course I wasn't there to accept call because I was sleeping in the morning.
14:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I was thinking that everything was fine and.
14:40
[SPEAKER_00]: probably that this person had kind of drawn you back into their life because that's what that type of person does and that you were getting bent over or not.
14:49
[SPEAKER_00]: into the back of a cop car.
14:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, this is a true story you guys that we are going to share and talk about.
14:56
[SPEAKER_01]: So I had to give that little teaser and just share of like, yeah, that's where we're at.
15:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Jen was, Jen, what's that one fuck off?
15:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
15:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god.
15:06
[SPEAKER_00]: And I mean, it's shocking that it hasn't been the other way around as well,
15:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a little unhinged, you know, but that's okay.
15:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I've come down, but there's times where it's appropriate for us, you know, I mean yours was an entirely different situation.
15:27
[SPEAKER_00]: You shouldn't have been the person in the back of that cop car, but we'll get into that another time we will.
15:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I think our relationship really.
15:39
[SPEAKER_01]: changed and started to grow during that time that year when mine, my relationship that I was in, it was like my first real major relationship after my divorce.
15:50
[SPEAKER_01]: And that was starting to turn into change.
15:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And I didn't open up about that to people.
15:56
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't tell people.
15:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm just I learned after my divorce.
15:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just like a very private person when it comes to that stuff.
16:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And I really
16:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's keep that area of your life like, you know, if you want to reveal something like fine, and that's when I started sharing some things with you, and I know it, I'm so grateful for the fuck up said you've had and the pieces of shit in your life that you've had, oh my god, edit this out.
16:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I have a big fucking, maybe we don't, I have a big mosquito.
16:32
[SPEAKER_00]: No, we don't added this, this is on filter.
16:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, no, but this is in genoship.
16:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Gen, you're like, no, bitch, we're keeping it in.
16:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Motherfucker.
16:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, anyways.
16:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, anyway, it's yeah, right.
16:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Like my life experience has an, and that's what we're hoping to do at this podcast, you know, our life experiences, you know, and it's, I could tell you were struggling and it's like so I started opening up to you and then you started late.
17:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, well, many weird similarities.
17:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, two totally different men.
17:11
[SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, oh yeah, it's very similar in certain ways and if you hadn't shared your experiences, I don't know I just I'd never would have realized that the way he was behaving and the things he was doing was like
17:26
[SPEAKER_01]: no, that's not okay.
17:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Like that's so inappropriate.
17:30
[SPEAKER_01]: And he, the person that you were involved with and had experience with was older.
17:35
[SPEAKER_01]: It was like he was just an older version of who I was dealing with.
17:39
[SPEAKER_01]: And it, you could honestly say and tell me like, oh no, this, this is going to just be the way he is.
17:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Like this is just, there is no, he's just a fucking loser.
17:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Sorry.
17:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Sorry,
17:55
[SPEAKER_00]: There's just some men that just don't get it.
17:58
[SPEAKER_00]: The don't change, you know, especially at a certain point.
18:01
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't say that term lightly, either is a loser.
18:04
[SPEAKER_00]: We're talking men that can't pay for their own shit.
18:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Can't hold down the job.
18:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't have a car.
18:11
[SPEAKER_00]: What car they have is a piece of shit.
18:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm saying.
18:14
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, yeah, it's like can't take us out on a date and pay for it, you know, in my case lives in his mom's basement, yeah, that's a whole thing.
18:27
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not just a joke or a pun, like dude literally lives in his basement, you know, and one day we'll talk how that came about because there's no way that I would ever, you know, move forward with somebody that was openly telling me that they were this much of a loser.
18:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Not where you're right now when your wife and shit that's going backwards.
18:46
[SPEAKER_01]: It's going way backwards.
18:48
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's like we already have kids.
18:51
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't need an adult one that's supposed to be our partner.
18:55
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not a partner.
18:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
18:57
[SPEAKER_01]: So I got to say this too.
18:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I understand people fawn hard times.
19:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I understand that like I build this life and then you get divorced and you have to split everything and men and women have to literally start over and I get that there's a low point because there's been guests on the show that are like I've had to go back and live with my mom's basement.
19:20
[SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, temporarily, temporarily, right?
19:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Why do you do that together?
19:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
19:28
[SPEAKER_01]: The men that we're talking about, they didn't have any big catastrophic life that you then divorce something that led them to this.
19:36
[SPEAKER_01]: It's very clear that it's just who they are.
19:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
19:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
19:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, no, it came out that he had been living in that basement for pretty much his entire life.
19:48
[SPEAKER_00]: And if he wasn't, it is a childhood basement.
19:52
[SPEAKER_00]: He'll tell everybody it's his house, but I digress.
19:54
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just crazy like everything they come to you and that's, and we're gonna talk about this too because then then blame us and they're like, choose better.
20:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
20:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, really?
20:06
[SPEAKER_00]: We need to choose better.
20:07
[SPEAKER_00]: No, why don't you guys stop wearing these, you know, masks when you start talking to us and pretending that you are a different person than you are.
20:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't lie to me and tell me that you're living in the basement because your dad just passed away and you're helping taking care of your mom, you know, just for this little bit of time and then
20:32
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, don't tell me that don't tell me that you've got this great career when you're hopping from job to job can't keep a job unemployed half the time flags and my intuition Jen was there I knew it and I pushed it away Yeah, you push it away because Stacey is very attractive.
20:52
[SPEAKER_00]: They're they're just disasters, but you're like but the sex is so good.
20:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah
20:59
[SPEAKER_00]: but they're always there for us.
21:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Hello, they're always there for us because they have no life, they have no jobs, they have no anything, you know, but we liked.
21:10
[SPEAKER_00]: them being available, but them being available meant that they were losers.
21:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
21:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, and both of us, I want you to tell a little bit of your story, too, but both of us are divorced long-term marriages, children from the marriage, you know, all of that.
21:26
[SPEAKER_01]: And these men were giving us the attention that we weren't getting there.
21:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
21:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, that's good.
21:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, yeah, it's a good
21:38
[SPEAKER_00]: We thought they were, yes, we thought they were the fantasy that like we wanted that are that our husband weren't, you know.
21:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, no, I got married when I was 19, had my first child when I was 18, and we had two boys together, and and I can say looking back on him, on that relationship, I mean, we were so young, so so, oh, oh my god.
22:02
[SPEAKER_00]: So,
22:03
[SPEAKER_00]: We all, you know, but we were, we were together, we had our kids, we had our life, you know, we were doing the best we could, but we had our struggles.
22:14
[SPEAKER_00]: And we just kind of grew apart and it was best for us to go different ways while we were doing that we tried, but I can say looking back on that he treated me.
22:26
[SPEAKER_00]: how I guess a man should treat you in so many ways like you know where it's like I looked at it as obsession but it wasn't he was just taking care of me this man took care of me when I was sick when I was in labor you know when I was pregnant like anything that happened in my life death and my family things like that he was by my side every step of the way like he didn't miss a beat you know and unfortunately he's not
22:55
[SPEAKER_00]: here today, like he's not alive.
22:58
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not probably ever going to share that story, because that's just too much.
23:03
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, with my kids and stuff, but
23:06
[SPEAKER_01]: We'll protect some things, girl.
23:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I miss him, though.
23:09
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like, I wish that I had that opportunity to tell him that damn, you know, I want to water for you, right?
23:18
[SPEAKER_00]: And, and, wow, okay.
23:21
[SPEAKER_00]: And, and then I went into another relationship and had another son with him.
23:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was with him for 19 years.
23:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And,
23:30
[SPEAKER_00]: We'll definitely have to explore that more because going to say this word, and I know a lot of people are going to roll their eyes and be like, oh no, but he was a diagnosed sociopathic narcissist, diagnosed, not obviously to my knowledge until later, but that dismantling that he did of me over time.
23:53
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't even know who the hell I was.
23:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
23:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And, and it's so crazy.
23:58
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, I mean, it there was no affection left in our relationship.
24:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I was a joke to him.
24:04
[SPEAKER_00]: I was nothing to him over time.
24:07
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, when I got to have that relationship, and I finally was able to get away, which is a whole other episode.
24:16
[SPEAKER_00]: you know to talk about that narcissistic abuse and figuring out that you need you need to go, you know, you need to leave.
24:23
[SPEAKER_00]: But I did and that's kind of, that's when I started building my own business.
24:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't to make you mind you.
24:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, to get away from him.
24:32
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's why I do what I do today.
24:36
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it was a means to an end back then, but then little did I know that it was going to be
24:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I'm saving, yeah, like everything literally changed the course of my entire life for the best and so yeah, it's like, you know, I'm sure you probably felt that way with your ex has been, it's like, once you get out of that relationship, you're naive, you think that you get away and everything's going to be alright.
25:02
[SPEAKER_00]: You're like, okay, I got away.
25:03
[SPEAKER_00]: That's it.
25:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Checkmark, you know, but it's like little did we know that that we were so damaged from those relationships.
25:12
[SPEAKER_00]: So, those men that we attracted and that we found, you know, attractive ourselves.
25:21
[SPEAKER_00]: were, wow, they, they were not right for us.
25:26
[SPEAKER_00]: I always say that my ex should have been a fling.
25:29
[SPEAKER_00]: I wish I would have just left him as a fling, but I was like, okay, now I've, you know, I've had sex with this guy and now I have to be in a relationship with him because that was my mentality.
25:43
[SPEAKER_00]: And, and so I like, even though he told me, oh, I'm not looking for a relationship and seriously, people, somebody tells you that, like, listen, listen, yeah.
25:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, and I was ready to break up with him.
25:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And then boom, there he was.
25:59
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like she knew, I was ready to leave him.
26:01
[SPEAKER_00]: And he told me, he loved me, and the rest is history.
26:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was sucked in, and then all the truths
26:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you know, just for your time coming there.
26:15
[SPEAKER_00]: It's still coming out.
26:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm still learning things about him dinner that is a love hate for sure, you know, but yeah, so it's just yeah, I mean, and obviously there's going to be people on here listening to this.
26:31
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't share a lot on my social media, you know, I'm kind of this comedian kind of this smart ass.
26:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, you get to know me enough, but this is where people are going to really learn more about me.
26:42
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I know there's going to be people on here that are listening, you know, my followers, my friends, my haters, grab some popcorn.
26:51
[SPEAKER_00]: I love you, right?
26:52
[SPEAKER_00]: So for those people, well, it's the why don't you kind of share a little bit more, because I mean, all your
26:57
[SPEAKER_00]: You're like followers and and people that are listening to the show obviously know you were at what episode three hundred and Twenty six is I think is what this one's gonna be that.
27:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
27:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so you've been doing this for a while Some people know about you but my my friends my followers my haters don't know about you So share a little bit about you Yeah, I
27:25
[SPEAKER_01]: long-term marriage.
27:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I was married for 17 years and had three girls in that relationship.
27:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Got pregnant very young, very early, and I can completely relate to what you say of like, you kind of just lose yourself.
27:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Like when I left and I got out, I-
27:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I really didn't know who I was.
27:46
[SPEAKER_01]: All I knew at that time was like, this can't continue.
27:49
[SPEAKER_01]: This isn't right.
27:51
[SPEAKER_01]: And if I stay here and in a year from now, everything is exactly the same, I won't make it.
27:59
[SPEAKER_01]: like that scared me more than anything and I and I still you because I my good friend you you've you've met her before Veronica Sysneros she's been on the show and she was the one that asked me that question she's like okay any year from now you picture this any year from how do you feel if everything is just exactly the same it is now it's like oh my god like yeah fucking way and I still use that to help people to of like
28:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, if you make no changes to your health and your journey and you're like anything else and you're exactly the same When you're from now like are you cool thought?
28:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Is that okay?
28:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Is that and they're like, oh my god If that scares the shit out of you run whether that's my relationship from yourself from your health like whatever But you know this these last what six years now All while doing this podcast to like girl I recorded that first episode in his office Really during lockdown going through
28:54
[SPEAKER_01]: the pandemic and all of that and then going through divorce.
28:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, when we separated, the world shut down and what did he think of you doing your podcast?
29:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, do you think it was a joke or was he supportive?
29:05
[SPEAKER_01]: He did not think it was going to last that long.
29:08
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, whatever.
29:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, okay, fine, if you're going to do this like do this whatever, but I think it was just kind of like do it to shut me up like, okay, yeah, the stop talking about it is just like I was just like this annoying that.
29:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, my ex-husband when I started my business was not ever supportive about anything.
29:26
[SPEAKER_00]: You know that I was doing he he actually laughed He laughed yeah, it was Joe you know It was laughable yeah, and then I laughed all the way to the bank and to my attorney's office, and you know Let's do my question
29:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Tell me I can't do something and watch me do it eight times and take pictures, you know, I was finally at that point in my life where he lit a fire into my ass instead of breaking me.
29:50
[SPEAKER_00]: It was okay that fire has been lit.
29:53
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, because it used to be broken.
29:55
[SPEAKER_00]: I was broken in the corner.
29:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Done.
29:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Just, okay, because that's what I had to do to keep the peace, but I finally got that point where it's like, nope.
30:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
30:05
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, motherfucker, you have absolutely lit a fire into my ass.
30:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Do everything to prove to you that you were fucking wrong about me.
30:14
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, even during this day, to this day, he never thought that I could be single.
30:19
[SPEAKER_00]: He always thought that I would need a man.
30:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, same.
30:22
[SPEAKER_00]: And he's the fucker that bounces from relationship to relationship.
30:26
[SPEAKER_00]: It can never be alone.
30:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, my ex is already married.
30:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
30:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
30:31
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm sure mine's engaged.
30:32
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
30:32
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't talk.
30:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
30:35
[SPEAKER_01]: He's already married.
30:35
[SPEAKER_01]: But you turned that.
30:38
[SPEAKER_01]: You took two peas.
30:39
[SPEAKER_01]: You turned that being pissed.
30:41
[SPEAKER_01]: You took that pain into being pissed.
30:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Is that pain?
30:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we're just like, okay, well, this is where I'm at.
30:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And when we have to survive, you, you have to turn the pain into power.
30:52
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, you literally do and just like on the other episode that's going to be that's like, yeah, just came out today.
30:59
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, how she said being as a narcissist, you have to finally get to a point where dot pain of changing is less than the pain of where you're at and your relationships.
31:10
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and but I'm just surprised that he was supportive of that because generally men like that are not supportive of us doing anything that creates any kind of independence outside of them they like us being co-dependent right right.
31:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, oh, that's cute.
31:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, oh, Eugene, people and like, if Urfaz like hair at three clients this morning, like, you need to watch the kids, you need to help out, be like, okay.
31:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, like that's cute type thing, but then I'm sure he thought it was cute when you ended up leaving him and then You kind of did the same thing, right?
31:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you left and got your own place You had you had to start over which is crazy because normally and and I feel for men I really do so I'm not like making light of this in any way I do feel like men get fucked over like oh repeatedly in the sources.
32:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes
32:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, but in my case, I'm the one who absolutely got fucked over.
32:13
[SPEAKER_00]: I lost my business.
32:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I walked away from houses, rental properties.
32:18
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I left with my car and whatever I fit in my car.
32:22
[SPEAKER_00]: And that was it.
32:23
[SPEAKER_00]: I started over entirely from nothing and even though we had joint custody, I was paying him a shit ton of child support.
32:33
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, even though he was successful too,
32:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
32:36
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's like, no, there are women that do have to leave and start over with nothing, whether it's because they've been screwed over or because they have no choice.
32:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
32:49
[SPEAKER_00]: We just need to get away.
32:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I went to work and I packed and left.
32:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
32:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
32:56
[SPEAKER_01]: We, it.
32:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I did my own thing.
32:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I was building my own stuff, but I was never pushed.
33:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't have to take care of anything because we were a dual income.
33:06
[SPEAKER_01]: And he worked for a very high up from a suitable company in the vaccine division.
33:12
[SPEAKER_01]: That appendemic was hitting.
33:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, nice.
33:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but all those pieces together.
33:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
33:21
[SPEAKER_01]: When I left, I had a credit card.
33:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I had a credit card that he had the power to turn off, which he did turn off one day and it didn't work one day at Costco.
33:29
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, you motherfucker, I'm literally buying groceries right now.
33:34
[SPEAKER_01]: And I would try and shop it anywhere that I could that was a grocery store that I could also get like tampons or clothes or like, you know, if I needed a new sports bra, the girls needed new shorts or something, I'm like, he's not gonna look at the itemized, you know, purchases, he's just gonna see, oh,
33:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Target or Costco or you know something like that and then one day he shut it off and I'm like You don't get to do that.
33:57
[SPEAKER_01]: You you don't get to do that like what are you thinking like we're literally not gonna have any groceries and That moment I was like never fucking again Never again, well, I have to call a man and be like give me money to feed my kids
34:14
[SPEAKER_01]: that was my pain, oh my god, it makes me choked up.
34:18
[SPEAKER_01]: That was my pain that I turned into being pissed off.
34:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, well, fucking bring it.
34:23
[SPEAKER_01]: And I remember going home, I moved into a 1300 square foot rental home.
34:29
[SPEAKER_01]: It had two bedrooms.
34:31
[SPEAKER_01]: It had three bedrooms.
34:32
[SPEAKER_01]: One kind of wasn't but we made it into a bedroom.
34:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I had two weeks to get out our house sold within 24 hours.
34:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, this is going to sell and he's like, I don't care.
34:41
[SPEAKER_01]: We're selling.
34:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, okay, 24 hours is sold.
34:45
[SPEAKER_01]: I had two weeks to get out.
34:46
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know how to turn on electricity.
34:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Water?
34:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I'm like, does the house?
34:51
[SPEAKER_00]: I had never lived on my own.
34:53
[SPEAKER_00]: I literally went for my parents' house to
34:56
[SPEAKER_00]: My first husband to my second husband, yeah, to being alone, like this is so weird being being on your own.
35:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and I'm my kids watched all of this and I'm like, I'm not going to hide it because I want my girls to know.
35:12
[SPEAKER_01]: how to take care of things.
35:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I want them to know that you can rebuild, you can make it on your own.
35:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's just like, I'm gonna be the one that goes around every night and make sure all the windows in the doors are locked.
35:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone's tucked in like I do, I'm gonna do all of the rules now.
35:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And we had 50, 50, you know, so they did go back and forth.
35:30
[SPEAKER_01]: And but they didn't want to.
35:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Each child has gone through a phase of like, I'm not going.
35:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going and you can't make me literally gripping on the golf cart of like you're not going to take me off.
35:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going anymore.
35:42
[SPEAKER_01]: They've each gone through like their own phase of that.
35:45
[SPEAKER_01]: And I had to eventually learn of like, I can't carry your relationship and the emotional stuff that goes on between you and your daughters anymore.
35:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, look at your home goes on in your home and I'm not there to make it better anymore.
35:59
[SPEAKER_01]: So that was like a whole other like learning process.
36:03
[SPEAKER_01]: After that one day I went back and my office was in my bedroom and I was like, I'm rebuilding, I'm rebranding, I'm going to build the my own income and my own program and I'm going to take everything that I know and I'm going to turn it into something and I never looked back.
36:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I had to.
36:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, like for me it was years of that type of stuff, you know, I have my, my ex has been on, you know, and I want to clarify my second husband not my first has my second husband and not my ex not the fuck boy ex that will dive into so this is, you know, we'll just call him the Russian because he is right.
36:47
[SPEAKER_00]: So the Russian, um,
36:50
[SPEAKER_00]: how I talk about how he dismantled me, you know, over time, like how what what your husband did was financial abuse like that's financial abuse not not letting you be able to get the things that you need for you and your kids and it it's a form of control and I I lived with that for
37:11
[SPEAKER_00]: She's almost two decades and, you know, I mean, I was signing contracts that said that I would be paid $30 a month to pick up my dogs shit in the backyard.
37:24
[SPEAKER_00]: anything he could to humiliate me, you know, and be little me and make me feel less done.
37:31
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's how I earned my phone to be turned on, to be able to talk to my family, my kids, it's grown as woman.
37:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep.
37:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, I was in my, you know, late 20s, early 30s.
37:43
[SPEAKER_00]: He told me how to dress, what I couldn't couldn't wear.
37:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, he would buy me clothes and he would buy these clothes that I thought were awful, just like awful.
37:55
[SPEAKER_00]: I couldn't even wear what I wanted to wear.
37:58
[SPEAKER_00]: And he would take my food away when he had to get angry at me.
38:03
[SPEAKER_00]: I had been on video taking my food away.
38:05
[SPEAKER_00]: I was literally breastfeeding our child.
38:07
[SPEAKER_00]: He was six days old and he was yelling at me because
38:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I had a lump back to me in my early 20s and so what of my breasts did not produce milk and I could not feed our son from that breast and he basically told me I was a piece of shit mom because I couldn't take care of our son and if I couldn't feed our son he wasn't going to feed me.
38:30
[SPEAKER_00]: And he took all the food out of the house and put it in the back of his truck and he drove away and put it in a dumpster.
38:35
[SPEAKER_00]: He took my car's way from me numerous times.
38:39
[SPEAKER_00]: I did not have my own money, you know, I had to go to planned parenthood to get birth control to take care of myself.
38:47
[SPEAKER_00]: He, when I, when I went back to school to get my master's degree, he would turn my internet off.
38:54
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, like, I was just constantly going through like pivoting, pivoting, pivoting, trying to figure out what to do.
39:03
[SPEAKER_00]: He thought I was just this piece of shit.
39:05
[SPEAKER_00]: You need to go whatever.
39:07
[SPEAKER_00]: How am I going to get back to Utah?
39:09
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, how am I going to get back to Utah, which is where I'm from.
39:12
[SPEAKER_00]: That's where I live now.
39:14
[SPEAKER_00]: And basically, long story short, I told him that, no, I didn't have the funds to leave.
39:21
[SPEAKER_00]: So he needed to move out for a year and pay for me to live in that house.
39:28
[SPEAKER_00]: or he needed to get us back to Utah.
39:30
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's how I actually got back to Utah.
39:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Is this long-drawn out thing?
39:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I talked to attorneys after attorneys.
39:36
[SPEAKER_00]: I ended up getting, I was able to separate our finances for student loans.
39:44
[SPEAKER_00]: And so the little bit of extra money that I had for my student loans is how I was buying my own groceries, paying for my own phone, has my own hotspot, finishing school.
39:54
[SPEAKER_00]: He was offered a job in Georgia and in Utah.
39:58
[SPEAKER_00]: He was, you know, with the government, military civilian.
40:02
[SPEAKER_00]: And I told him, I said, okay, you can go to Georgia, but I'm staying here.
40:06
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're going to pay for this house.
40:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Or you're going to have to get me back to Utah and hand it up, take in the job in Utah.
40:12
[SPEAKER_00]: But it was like years of this push and pull.
40:17
[SPEAKER_00]: And
40:18
[SPEAKER_00]: the majority of the time I was just doing nothing.
40:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I would just let him.
40:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I would just say like during that time where you like together, were you having sex?
40:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Were you?
40:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
40:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
40:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
40:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Like it it honestly, you know, I didn't, I got to this point where I, this was my life and I didn't know any different.
40:36
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, we're talking, this was years and years of this kind of abuse.
40:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
40:40
[SPEAKER_00]: And he got me away from my family.
40:42
[SPEAKER_00]: We were in Ohio.
40:43
[SPEAKER_00]: We were in Maryland.
40:45
[SPEAKER_00]: During that time that I was in Maryland, I actually had an assault that, you know, a contractor, right, he was in inches of my life and he told me I was broken and I was never going to be the same because I was diagnosed with PTSD.
40:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
41:00
[SPEAKER_00]: So I was sleeping out in the guest room on a pull-out bed for most of the time.
41:06
[SPEAKER_00]: After that happened, we got back to Utah and I wanted to finish school and didn't have the money to run out of student loans because I was living off of them supporting myself.
41:17
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's when I started Dotaera and started my business with Dotaera.
41:23
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's when he laughed at me instead of I was selling snake oil.
41:26
[SPEAKER_00]: So yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am that girl that did the pyramid scheme and you know what, I was successful.
41:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I was in a top 2% as a company in 16 months and it got me the fuck out of that house.
41:39
[SPEAKER_00]: I saved and saved and saved and saved.
41:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I was putting away everything and I was hustling my fast off and I got out of there.
41:47
[SPEAKER_01]: It was going to bring that up to earlier and then I forgot.
41:51
[SPEAKER_01]: We got sidetracked that like I think it's funny that not work marketing is such a big thing.
41:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Heart of our story for both of us because I did that with Arban.
41:59
[SPEAKER_00]: right right and it like for me I didn't I wasn't able to do it in person you know Dr. Tara typically they teach classes they go into homes or you have people I is like fuck that there's no way I'm doing that I'm so much more behind
42:14
[SPEAKER_00]: the screen and whatever kind of a person.
42:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I started a business page on Facebook that I still have.
42:22
[SPEAKER_00]: That's got 150,000 followers.
42:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I no longer have that business, but that's what I lost in my divorce to him, but it's it.
42:30
[SPEAKER_00]: gave me everything I needed, everything I was making really good money.
42:36
[SPEAKER_00]: I had this group of women around me that, you know, we're looking to me like, oh my God, you're going through all of this stuff and you got out.
42:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
42:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you got out.
42:47
[SPEAKER_00]: And so just being wrote these people, and so then I had all these people coming to me like, how did you do this?
42:53
[SPEAKER_00]: How did you build this, you know, social media page?
42:56
[SPEAKER_00]: How did you build this business?
42:58
[SPEAKER_00]: And they were all within Doterra at that time, but I started my own social media training.
43:04
[SPEAKER_00]: and to this day, you know, how to over 5,000 people take that training.
43:08
[SPEAKER_00]: And from there, it just went on to working with them, you know, on a subscription-based group to one-on-one, and then obviously breaking out of that for the last like 10 years, working with a bunch of other companies and just expanding, and thank God that I did that, because that was the path that led me to get away from him, to be able to walk away from that business and be okay financially.
43:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I have to say this too, John, that like the people listening, I don't know if haters make it this far into the episode or not, but like.
43:41
[SPEAKER_01]: when people see us out there and see you out there and see your post name, immediately throw this fucking label on a woman out there doing things saying being funny, you know, like just putting it out there being honest about both sexes or whatever, it's like you have no idea who you're talking to.
44:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Like you have no idea what that woman has been through and what she has lived through
44:11
[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah.
44:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Take the time and share your NASDS energy and your comments on someone that like
44:19
[SPEAKER_01]: You have no idea what she survived and like what a queen she really is and what she's come from and what she's had to become, you know, because of, honestly, what other piece of shit man put her through, you know, I just hope everyone pauses for a moment and really thinks about that of like, you just don't know anyone's journey.
44:38
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't know what someone's going through when they're driving slow and you're trying to get around them.
44:42
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't know what someone's going through when they're taking forever and the checkout line or
44:46
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, or they post something and then you get all this hate in the comments.
44:51
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like Come the fuck down like you don't know.
44:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah, I mean the last couple days been crazy.
44:58
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like Sure that one.
45:00
[SPEAKER_01]: He's meant sure the one that yeah, I before the recorded
45:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, this, well, what's crazy is all of a sudden I've had these men that are attacking me for my tattoos.
45:10
[SPEAKER_00]: It's really crazy because I started getting tattooed as soon as I left the Russian.
45:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Same.
45:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, because after he wouldn't let me get tattoos, right?
45:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, it's so to be attacked for something.
45:27
[SPEAKER_00]: that is my liberation.
45:29
[SPEAKER_00]: That is my freedom to go and do what I want was my body and then to express myself.
45:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Fuck you.
45:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
45:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
45:37
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the worst you can say to me.
45:39
[SPEAKER_00]: If you don't like my tattoos, you're not the man for me.
45:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Because there's plenty of men that do or like, what do you mean?
45:46
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure there are people listening going, like, what do they say to you?
45:48
[SPEAKER_01]: What are their comments?
45:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Because if you're not out there on social media and you're not public, you don't experience the hate of randoms that come on.
45:58
[SPEAKER_01]: and are like, oh my god, you think you're so fit, you're actually fat, or you have no ass, or oh my god, you've got it in a person.
46:05
[SPEAKER_00]: They called you as a floppy, they called you, you had a sloppy butt.
46:09
[SPEAKER_00]: That was so hilarious.
46:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I forgot about the sloppy butt one.
46:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think it's hilarious how that I can get called like fucking fat in one day and in like weight 12 hours because then I'm going to be anorexic.
46:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, make up your fucking mind.
46:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, that's like the guy yesterday.
46:25
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm going to read the post and I'll summarize the guy yesterday and that I'll read the one today that you have not heard yet.
46:32
[SPEAKER_00]: So so anybody that doesn't know me and doesn't follow me, you know, I'm just like I said, this kind of comedian, I have to make light of
46:40
[SPEAKER_00]: the world we live in, dating, all that shit because if I didn't laugh, I would go crazy.
46:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Right?
46:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
46:46
[SPEAKER_00]: So I put up a post three days ago, um, that's got 379 reactions and 215 comments.
46:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And the majority of these comments are for men.
46:57
[SPEAKER_00]: And I said, being single in your 40s is fucking insane because you'll
47:03
[SPEAKER_00]: A 24-year-old Jim Rat asking for your Snapchat while he's standing there with the hairline of a stressed out single father of four.
47:11
[SPEAKER_00]: A man from the 90s sending, good morning, beautiful, every single day like it's a union job with benefits.
47:18
[SPEAKER_00]: And a divorced man born in 1977, trying to wife you up after one date because you laughed at his jokes and remembered that he said he liked sweet tea.
47:28
[SPEAKER_00]: And yes, folks, this is all true.
47:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Meanwhile, the one you actually want to somewhere, listening to sad music, fighting demons replying every four to seven business days and liking your story at one 18 a.m. like a sleep paralysis demon with wifi.
47:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I found this hilarious.
47:47
[SPEAKER_00]: I found it's funny, that's true.
47:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, people are laughing or like, oh, it's so true.
47:53
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is my experience, and this is my page, right?
47:57
[SPEAKER_00]: So I get to share my experience, but there's some men that have come along and that have looked at this that I'm like bitching.
48:04
[SPEAKER_01]: where they're buying me, about men.
48:06
[SPEAKER_01]: So buttery.
48:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Why are you so upset about how men are being to me?
48:13
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you come along and you're worse then.
48:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Like there's nothing wrong with the 24 year old Jim Rad.
48:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, yeah, he should just give into his hairline and shave the hair off, right?
48:24
[SPEAKER_00]: But sweetheart, I'm 48.
48:26
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a big girl.
48:27
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a grown-ass woman.
48:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I do not have Snapchat.
48:30
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you have Snapchat, don't talk to me.
48:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the man from the 90s sending good morning beautiful every single day.
48:38
[SPEAKER_00]: There's nothing wrong with that necessarily, but it's like, bro, get a little bit more creative.
48:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
48:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I need a little bit more than that.
48:47
[SPEAKER_00]: We need to break out of that, you know, just a tiny bit.
48:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the men in the 70s, you know, that generation, they do, they just want to like why you up.
48:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, they're like, oh, you're unicorn, you're this that the other and it's like, I'm here to tell you I will never be married again.
49:04
[SPEAKER_00]: probably never live with a man again, right?
49:08
[SPEAKER_00]: So these are, it's not me bitching, it's not me putting down men.
49:13
[SPEAKER_00]: It's me making light of the situation, but it's like these men want me to settle, right?
49:18
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like they want me to settle on on like, and just accept like whatever, oh, just accept that, whatever, that's 24 year old man, let's snapchat.
49:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like, okay, if I was dating to 24 year old man, then everybody would be telling me I'm a cougar, you know?
49:33
[SPEAKER_00]: you get judged either way.
49:34
[SPEAKER_00]: But this guy yesterday commented with a Trump gift and said, women over 30 are expired.
49:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
49:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
49:46
[SPEAKER_01]: To tip and then looking like society right there.
49:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
49:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Then he went on to get all my profile picture and tell me that my tattoos make me look chop.
50:00
[SPEAKER_00]: But this guy was relentless, you know, it was like six hours like on going and I was just like, wow, you just all these like accusations and it's like, you know, and then he told me I needed to find Jesus and so then I let him know that I was Jewish and so that would not be happening and so then he attacked me for that.
50:23
[SPEAKER_00]: And he said, yeah, you know, he's like, nobody want to.
50:26
[SPEAKER_00]: You're old, you're busted, you're this at the other.
50:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Nobody's DMing you.
50:31
[SPEAKER_00]: And I said, you're right.
50:33
[SPEAKER_00]: My DMs are as dry as my kitty.
50:36
[SPEAKER_00]: You've got me, right?
50:38
[SPEAKER_00]: And he proceeded to tell me that I needed to stop sleeping around.
50:48
[SPEAKER_00]: And I said, sweetheart, how am I supposed to sleep around when nobody wants me?
50:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's just we're stating, and I have said this on my page with comments, but like really think about it, what type of person?
51:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Let alone man, like what type of man takes time out of his day to spread such hate and negative energy and just negativity to a woman he doesn't even know.
51:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
51:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, really, yeah, about that, you know, like at least I'm being paid to be here.
51:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm monetized every comment that you're giving me and we're going back and forth here.
51:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, this is my job.
51:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Good.
51:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Keep talking and 80.
51:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I know a couple good men, like, really good men.
51:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, he would never do that.
51:33
[SPEAKER_01]: They'd be like, why would I do that?
51:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Why would I want to hurt someone?
51:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Why would it?
51:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I don't know who fucking cares.
51:39
[SPEAKER_00]: What a good, you know, it was crazy as though this guy, you know, that's like my good friend slides into my DMs and says, yeah, like talked about earlier.
51:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was like, Oh, gosh, I see you still have, you know, crazy people.
51:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, not that I need anybody to defend me, but why are men not telling men like that to stop being pieces of shit?
51:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
52:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Why didn't you comment on him and say something?
52:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Why did you slide in my DM instead?
52:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the guy today, and this is literally every day.
52:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Every day I have some insel piece of shit hating ass man.
52:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, and they wonder why they're lonely.
52:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm sorry guys, but this is why you need to defend women.
52:21
[SPEAKER_00]: because you need to tell men that this is not okay.
52:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Like this is not okay behavior to do this.
52:28
[SPEAKER_00]: That's how you're gonna stand apart from these pieces of shit.
52:32
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, because I know there's so many men that are just reading these comments on my page and they're not saying anything to these guys, right?
52:40
[SPEAKER_00]: So this guy comes along and he says,
52:43
[SPEAKER_00]: This morning, right before we're recording this, meanwhile, you're tatted up and constantly taking mere selfies like a twin.
52:52
[SPEAKER_00]: But want a successful dude, your age to take you seriously, act the part, get the part.
52:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Then he goes on his is just because you want to feel liberated.
53:03
[SPEAKER_00]: feel liberated?
53:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, the fuck are I am liberated?
53:06
[SPEAKER_00]: None of you.
53:06
[SPEAKER_00]: So now he's lumping all women's elicis.
53:09
[SPEAKER_00]: None of you even know what you want because it changes daily based on your estrogen.
53:15
[SPEAKER_00]: You're fucking attacking me for hormones?
53:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, and you stupid dumb fuck, we change near our end of our cycle when our progesterone is high.
53:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Exactly.
53:26
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not based on estrogen and you know those man titties that you're growing sir.
53:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Those are estrogen in your body to think face.
53:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, he lumps us all together like just makes such a kind like who said it's okay, who?
53:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Where's your mama?
53:41
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what I want to.
53:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Where's your mom?
53:43
[SPEAKER_00]: I do said it's a guy yesterday.
53:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I said I bet your mom is so proud of
53:50
[SPEAKER_00]: You're attacking me for tattoos.
53:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Fuck you.
53:53
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't care.
53:55
[SPEAKER_00]: You're attacking me for my age and calling me old.
53:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Bro, we all will grow older.
54:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't.
54:04
[SPEAKER_01]: You've been dying since the day you were born.
54:06
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like something I can't control.
54:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't control.
54:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't control.
54:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I kind of like these guys.
54:13
[SPEAKER_00]: They keep me really spray, you know?
54:16
[SPEAKER_00]: They might old age.
54:17
[SPEAKER_01]: your old age.
54:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and then he says, and then he defends all men.
54:22
[SPEAKER_00]: At least, banner consistently, simple.
54:27
[SPEAKER_00]: But you all just complain because you want something out of Yellowstone that doesn't exist.
54:33
[SPEAKER_00]: God.
54:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Are we hitting me with this shit?
54:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm assuming he's referencing
54:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, yes.
54:44
[SPEAKER_00]: So he's referencing RIP.
54:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, which right.
54:48
[SPEAKER_00]: We love him because he's masculine and protective of takes care of her no matter how crazy.
54:54
[SPEAKER_00]: No matter what.
54:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
54:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And so and so you're basically telling me that those men don't exist motherfucker and I'm just supposed to sorry I'm saying motherfucker a lot, but you know that that I'm just supposed to accept
55:09
[SPEAKER_00]: know that you know like I okay and so he's basically telling me that I have expectations that are too high right you shouldn't be doing it crazy because of estrogen and we should just lower our expectations and men are simple but most of the time I end up telling them thank you for their contribution to my upcoming podcast that I will be co-hosting talking about angry
55:39
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, you know, he deleted all the comments after I told him that yesterday.
55:44
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I'm like, hello, I have the screenshots.
55:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, the whole shift that's happening right now.
55:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I will never be in a relationship out of like need again if I'm there.
55:56
[SPEAKER_01]: It's because I want to and I choose to be and there's literally
56:02
[SPEAKER_01]: like nothing you can give me or provide me that I can't do on my own except, you know, true partnership feeling safe and a masculine and feminine role and a dick and dick.
56:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Honestly, that's it.
56:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Like that's it.
56:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I don't need you to do myself confidence.
56:21
[SPEAKER_00]: My nerve finances.
56:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Nope.
56:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Nope.
56:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't I don't need you for those things.
56:28
[SPEAKER_00]: None of it.
56:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, and that is that terrifies men.
56:37
[SPEAKER_00]: I am very feminine.
56:38
[SPEAKER_00]: I am very feminine energy.
56:40
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to have a man that makes me feel safe, so that I can be in that.
56:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Sure.
56:45
[SPEAKER_00]: But women are being forced to be in their masculine, to play the roles of everything, to pay the bills, to take care of the kids, to do everything.
56:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And then they wonder.
56:57
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, okay, the loneliness epidemic is happening
57:04
[SPEAKER_00]: making yourselves extinct.
57:06
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't need you anymore other than to procreate.
57:09
[SPEAKER_01]: That's it.
57:10
[SPEAKER_01]: You got, you know, show up in a different masculine, loving way.
57:15
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm glad we got to hear more about your story, what you experience, what I've experienced.
57:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, and this is just, this is just kind of like the tip of the iceberg.
57:24
[SPEAKER_01]: You guys, what these unfiltered episodes are going to be about.
57:27
[SPEAKER_01]: There will be a lot of motherfuckers, you know?
57:30
[SPEAKER_01]: So this is like your warning for for the future ones.
57:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like this episode is pretty mild For sure, we're just breaking them in really easy.
57:38
[SPEAKER_00]: This is just the stretching we haven't even made it to the warm-up This is stretching Melissa This is the stretch we're on the we're on the mat with the rollers right now We are just barely getting into it just getting there
57:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, but I hope I hope you find these episodes entertaining and educational and just something that you can like maybe take something from inside and just kind of like learn to be a better person or be aware of something or not fall for certain things like we did learn from our mistakes learn from the shit as we deal with in the real world that we share to you.
58:12
[SPEAKER_01]: to always go to the show notes.
58:14
[SPEAKER_01]: You'll be able to find out how you can work with Jen, work with myself.
58:17
[SPEAKER_01]: We'll always put everything in the show notes to make sure you check that out for every single episode, but I'm excited if you're a new listener, and this is the one that you fell on like welcome, but make sure you always go back and listen to all the episodes.
58:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Jen, thanks for coming on.
58:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, we'll be doing this last Thursday every month last Thursday every month you you'll be able to find us and then who knows me It'll turn into something more.
58:39
[SPEAKER_01]: So yes, thank you again everyone stay safe stay healthy until next time good bye
58:47
[SPEAKER_01]: The Bomb Life Podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only.
58:50
[SPEAKER_01]: The content shared here is not intended as medical legal or professional advice.
58:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Always consult with a qualified professional if you're making any health fitness financial or legal decisions.
58:58
[SPEAKER_01]: The opinions shared on this podcast are personal experiences and insight.
59:01
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you need expert guidance, go find the right professional for you.
59:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for listening.