Latest / The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten / Of Course You Can And Should Marry The Best Sex You Ever Had

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Of Course You Can And Should Marry The Best Sex You Ever Had · The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten

• 0:05
  Hi, everyone, and welcome to the dr.
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  Psych mom show. Today, we're going to be talking
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  about this article that one of my Facebook group members shared
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  which was that women, do not marry their best sex ever.
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  And it was just depressing article that I've linked you to
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  that says, like basically 66 percent of women would rather
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  take a nap. There were clean or something
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  and have sex with their spouse. And everybody's fantasizing
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  about their ex. And if you're volatile and
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  crazy, your An ex-boyfriend for that reason.
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  But you are also awesome in bed. And I call bullshit on this,
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  this is like totally Incorrect and just fear-mongering among
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  insecure men and I will get into that right after I tell you to
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  subscribe because I'm going to be coming up with some more
• 0:51
  subscriber episodes. The most recent one was about
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  sex and what was it about? It was about not lying about
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  your sexual past which is related actually to this topic
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  of today. And Then there was intercourses
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  fucking up your sex life and oral sex on women and then I
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  have some others on parenting and relationships.
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  It's not all just about sex but a lot of them are so anyhow.
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  So this this article is just basically fear-mongering and
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  there. There's no reason why you can't
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  or don't marry the best sex you ever had.
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  The best sex is not like a construct that shows up like a
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  prepackaged. You know thing like there are no
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  men who are Good in bed. Like this, this entirely, this
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  myth should be debunked. The men who are good in bed with
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  one woman are not good in bed with the next woman because
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  there is no such thing as just good in bed.
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  Like everything is subjective and I'm not going to be like I'm
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  not going to blow smoke up your ass that like you know I mean
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  looks or subjective, but sure if you're a model then you're
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  attractive, you know, but like a man who could be someone's best
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  sex is not easy. Another woman's worst sex like
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  really women are like there's a lot of variety going on and I
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  mean literally some women like rough sex and some women like
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  very gentles XO the rough sex guy.
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  Maybe somebody's amazing dream boat and the other woman is
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  like, who is this animal, right? So there is like, that's why
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  these there are certainly ways. Like, if you've never understood
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  what a clitoris is, then yeah you should be using dr.
• 2:30
  Google on that one. But like the overall, yes, there
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  are. Women have the same Anatomy
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  mostly. And, and yes, there are certain
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  places at certain things are but in terms of how when and with
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  what sort of pressure and everything that you touch,
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  whether you talk or not, the sort of power Dynamic that's
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  going on the mental peace, every woman is different.
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  So when you're in a relationship with a man, if you're a woman
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  you ought to be training him how to please you.
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  And then either you're going to make him into the best sex
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  you've ever had. Marry him or else he's going to
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  leave you the better for having known you and if there are other
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  women that have preferences similar to yours, then he will
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  know more about them and be a better lover to them.
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  However he still won't start out as the best sect they've ever
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  had either. Because remember, they would
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  have to train him how to be good for them.
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  This is like such a massively misunderstood concept, like when
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  you're a teenage boy, you like going to like look at, you know,
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  porn and say okay, if I memorize how to These various things in
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  this order, then I'm going to be the best sex that woman ever
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  had. I'm going to show up, and I'm
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  going to show her my certificate.
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  Like I know how to do, you know, five different positions from
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  porn or 55 and she's gonna be like, wow, you're the best sex
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  I've ever had, or else if I last, you know, an hour and not
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  five minutes and I'll be the best sex.
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  No, none of those things are real.
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  Those are not real, it's extremely subjective.
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  What makes somebody the best sex that somebody's ever had.
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  So So every woman not just some woman, every woman should be
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  marrying the best sex that she ever had because if you cannot
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  train him to be the best sex that you've ever had and you
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  cannot learn together exploring one another's bodies about how
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  to make each other the happiest that you have ever been
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  sexually. Why are you marrying this
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  person? Do not going to get better.
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  They're gonna get worse. And your desire to teach this
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  person when your libido is lower, is going to Wayne.
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  So, in the initial honeymoon, Is also the good time for teaching
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  and training. It isn't like like if women
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  learn about the honeymoon phase from listening to my blog and
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  from thinking about libido and all of this, they shouldn't say
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  okay, that's the time where like anything goes and like basically
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  anything he does is good and so that's good.
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  That's the time when you're also the most enthusiastic about sex
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  in general, and that's when you should be teaching, you should
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  be teaching from every encounter.
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  There should be no faked, orgasms which I've already
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  talked about on my blog and On my podcast and from the very
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  beginning and this doesn't mean that you have to get out a
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  diagram and a PowerPoint about a vagina.
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  This means that from the very first encounter, you should be
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  saying slow down. Wait, I like this.
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  Just like that etcetera. All the wonderful teaching and
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  training tools that you learn and do with, you know, your kids
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  or with your animals or with whoever like people know, basic
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  like teaching of Behavioral tricks and then Totally neglect
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  to do it with the got now to woman's credit sometimes, guys
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  can really get. What is now fashionable to call
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  it but hurt, or hurt, or sulky, when they get corrected?
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  So, if you are listening to this, and you are a guy that if
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  a woman, says, slow down, you're going to like Sniff and sigh,
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  and roll your eyes and lose your erection.
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  Then like, you got to change because you never going to
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  learn. I mean, you can't help but lose
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  your erection if you lose your erection you just wait till it
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  comes back but you never Ever going to learn how to best
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  please a woman. If you are somebody who's sulks
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  when they get feedback. So you're never going to be
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  somebody's best sex ever. If your sulky because you are
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  then operating under a completely illogical precept,
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  that you have to come to the encounter, an encounter with a
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  brand new female body being already wonderful in bed, which
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  is basically impossible. And if you receive any feedback
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  that would allow you to be better, you're going to
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  basically make yourself somebody who she never wants to give
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  feedback. Again because you're so salty
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  and difficult, thereby, you are ensuring that you are going to
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  be among the worst sex that she's ever had.
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  Because she cannot tell you and teach you and train.
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  You the number one thing insects to be good is open-mindedness
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  and receptivity to feedback as I frequently.
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  Say good giving and game. I didn't come up with that.
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  That's Dan Savage. So the 3 G's, if you are not
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  game to get feedback to learn to be trained, you got To be
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  coachable, guys, can be totally coachable.
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  They were like a high school college athlete.
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  They're totally coachable. And then woman is like trying to
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  move around her vagina different and he's like, getting offended.
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  What are you getting offended? Do you not want the woman to
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  enjoy her experience? Of course, you do globally,
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  macro level, you do micro level you're getting insulted.
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  So tell yourself, don't show it. Don't show that I'm insulted
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  because then I'm going to take away my opportunities to
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  actually become the best lover that she's Hat.
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  Now if you've been dating somebody for a couple years and
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  you still can't get them to be the best lover you've ever had
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  and you still thinking about your ex like some of these women
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  in this article? What the hell you doing marrying
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  this guy don't marry him. I understand maybe your ex was
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  crazy. He's volatile.
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  He was you know lighting shit on fire but you know what you could
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  find another guy that isn't your ex and isn't your current
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  partner that is nice and stable and also wants to learn how to
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  please you like there. It's not Very hard to find a
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  man, who wants to spend hours in bed learning how to please you?
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  This is like that. Men could drop out the sky.
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  Like, literally that want to do that.
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  That is like a good thing for a man.
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  Men want to spend extensive amounts of time learning how to
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  please you. Even the sulky ones really only
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  need one time to be told if your sulky like that.
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  That's why I'm not going to tell you your.
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  That's why I don't like to tell you things in bed.
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  And then how are we going to learn to be each other's?
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  Best lover. I mean, if a woman outright says
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  that it's a very rare man that will actually be like, no, I'd
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  actually rather saw. You know.
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  I don't want to actually learn to please you.
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  No not at all. Phooey phooey.
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  I don't think so that isn't real, but if you're with such a
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  guy get rid of him, right? If you're with the one guy who's
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  like, no, fuck you. I don't want to learn how to
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  please you. Then you say, you know, there's
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  the door and let me pick up my phone and get back on match.com
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  or whatever. Because there's a million other
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  men who are waiting to not only be a nice guy and the kind of
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  guy you want to marry but also to learn how to be your best sex
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  ever, which isn't hard because you're teaching him how to be
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  the best sex ever for you. So there are so many guys that
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  could be your best sex ever. If they got the right training,
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  basically, all they need is a can do attitude.
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  And for you to be physically attracted to them.
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  There are many men that, that, that, that have that, and then
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  there's this other related shit about the penis size where men
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  are. That women want like a 13-inch.
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  Penis woman don't want a 13-inch penis.
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  They did fine with a normal-sized penis, Google
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  average penis size and you may be pleasantly surprised because
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  it's not, you know, it's not 9 inches.
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  I think it's like I think it's like five something inches.
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  I mean I it's really the women are not.
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  There's all these like you know like urban legends almost about
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  that women only why huge penises most women don't think about
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  Penises, which is, you know, a sad fact of being heterosexual,
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  man, most women don't think about penises that much.
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  If you're like an awesome guy, you can have a very small penis
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  and you could make her very happy in bed.
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  So much less of the sex life is about intercourse and penis and
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  vagina. Then most men, think foreplay is
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  King the entire mental, peace, being confident, being sexy.
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  I was talking to us a young younger male client the other
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  day. About this.
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  I said, you know what women want Twilight you know like they want
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  that romantic you know you'll do anything for her.
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  You're looking at her and her eyes you're making this a very
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  romantic scene. That's the type of passionate
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  shit that most women want even when they're not 16 years old
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  anymore. And you could do that, no matter
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  what size penis you have like, is it nice to have a big penis?
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  Sure. Is it nice to look like a
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  supermodel for a woman? Sure, these are lovely bonuses
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  for the average person. They do not come into play.
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  A at all. So you know.
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  And and also it's not like it's not like the, you know, like the
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  saying that I always say, for every beautiful woman, there's a
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  man tired of fucking her. And for every man with a 10-inch
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  dick, there is a woman tired of fucking him.
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  So it really has not much to do with how your long-term
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  monogamous relationship is going to go.
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  If you are on the extremes of any of these things, so what do
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  you need to be the? Best lover that a woman never
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  had, you need her to be attracted to Which you will know
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  because she will touch you. She will look at you, she will
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  mention that, you're cute. If she doesn't do any of those
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  things, don't try to convince yourself that she's attracted to
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  you because she's not, she never touches you.
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  If she doesn't reach out to kiss you.
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  If she doesn't mention that you're cute ever in any context,
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  then she doesn't think that get out of it now.
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  Get out of it ahead of time before you end up realizing that
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  she was never attracted to you. So, There are real like like
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  don't put your head in the sand. It's an uncomfortable topic to
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  think, somebody may not be attracted to you, but in this
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  school is like times I'm million for women.
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  Because as I've talked about men, need to think the woman's
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  really hard for things to work. If you are with a man and he
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  does not say that you are beautiful, get out of Dodge
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  immediately, get out, do not pass, go do not collect $200
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  leave because it will never get better.
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  He will be looking at other women.
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  You are not his type, if he doesn't call you beautiful,
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  unless Mute and he's signing it at you, then you, you cannot be
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  with him. He has to think that you're
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  beautiful, and the woman has to think you're cute.
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  Yeah, there's a distinction also kill me.
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  There's a double standard, but women are not as visual.
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  So for a woman saying, oh, you look cute.
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  Is really the equivalent of a guy saying to a woman you look
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  beautiful. So it's that's the way that it
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  goes. So what do you need?
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  You need somebody who's attractive woman is attracted to
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  you and that she teaches you, how to be her best lover, that's
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  how to be her best. Lover.
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  If now, some men are like, oh, I beg her.
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  I beg her to teach me and told me what she likes, and she has
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  no idea. Well, look, you know, a she may
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  not be that sexual be, she may be kind of repressed or see you
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  may be a dick and maybe sulking about these sorts of things in
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  ways that you don't know, get into couples and Sex Therapy.
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  It is a very nice safe, not nice.
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  Nobody likes to go to couples counseling.
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  This isn't people's favorite thing to do but it is a safe and
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  informative and educational and you know Different kind of
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  environment that gets you both out of your comfort zones and
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  talking to an objective person about your sex life.
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  And maybe then your wife can either be entreated to tell you,
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  finally, What She Likes or to think deeply about why she
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  doesn't like anything. And to, in some ways, try to
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  reclaim her sexuality, vis-à-vis, couples or individual
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  counseling. And or at least think about why
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  she doesn't seem to have any preferences.
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  You can refer back to Myriad articles and posts and
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  everything that I have on women with low libido.
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  All the various reasons, they may have it and but this is what
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  we're talking about here is not women with never like sexy never
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  had any preferences. This article is talking about
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  women that had great sex with these other guys, but for some
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  reason on having great sex with the man they married, this
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  should never happen. If you are capable of having an
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  orgasm with one man that was a total nut job otherwise then you
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  are completely capable of teaching.
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  Joe Schmo, nice guy that you're attracted to Smart loving Sin.
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  How to give you the same mind-blowing orgasm.
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  People are not that anatomically different.
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  And if you cannot teach the next man, that you're in love with
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  big, he is not supposed to be your husband, you should only be
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  marrying a guy that you're attracted to and that you could
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  teach to have good sex with you, great sex with you better sex
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  than you had with the nut job in college because you have more
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  years to work on it because it's the rest of your lives and this
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  is an ongoing project of, you know, Option is to make your sex
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  life. The best that it could be in to
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  understand one another at increasingly deep levels over
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  time so that you can explore and you can eventually get to where
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  the sex is so much better than it ever was with somebody with
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  whom you did not have that much experience.
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  This is a quantitative thing eventually not just qualitative
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  the more practice you have the better the person can get.
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  So if you're not practicing frequently, it's no wonder that
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  your sex is disappointing because nobody's able to Turn
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  the nobody's doing anything, there's no practice time.
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  How would you get better at hockey without practice or at
• 15:42
  tonsil hockey? See, that was good.
• 15:45
  But anyway, my point is, that, this is not a thing where you
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  just come Carter naturally with a skill set of sexual prowess
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  and you present it to the, princess does not have the shit
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  works. The princess got to teach you
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  what to do. And you have to be a loving and
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  open minded recipient of all of that knowledge.
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  Which, all right. So hopefully you guys got
• 16:06
  something out of this and I will talk to you all soon.
• 16:08
  And please do subscribe.