Latest / Questionable Detour / Job interviews, Films, and buying dolls on Craigslist

Transcript

Job interviews, Films, and buying dolls on Craigslist · Questionable Detour

0:00
Excuse me, what is going on here?
0:04
But first we're gonna make a little detour.
0:09
So absurd, so questionable.
0:12
Yeah, I guess we're just the weirdos.
0:15
Expect the detour.
0:17
Alright, welcome to Questionable Detour.
0:29
Listening to this will be the most unwise thing you've done today.
0:32
So today boys, because we are the most professional people on this planet, we're gonna help everybody
0:37
by doing a mock interview, a workshop of sorts.
0:41
We're joined here with our good friend Perry, who is also the most professional guy I know.
0:45
In fact, he's here with a tuxedo.
0:48
He's dressed in a tuxedo because we said, listen, this is a very serious, very important
0:54
situation for us.
0:55
And he took that to heart.
0:57
What he'll be doing is asking us some of the most asked questions in a job interview.
1:04
And that way you can hear how best to answer those.
1:08
That way you can nail the interview and get your next job.
1:11
So welcome Perry.
1:12
Thank you.
1:13
Alright, so any kind of starting advice, maybe walking into an interview that you want to
1:18
have, you know, you enter into the office of the interview.
1:23
Is there a certain attitude that you want to have?
1:26
Is there a way you carry yourself normally going into the interview?
1:31
You go in as beta male, subservient, bowing all the time, overly respectful.
1:41
Are you worried that they're going to think you're being racist toward an Asian culture
1:44
with all the bowing?
1:46
I am now.
1:49
So I assume you go in like a monk wearing just a brown robe and no hair on the top of
1:57
your head.
1:58
Yes, that is correct.
2:00
Go in brown robe, one of those little cords tied around my waist, hands always in a praying
2:06
position.
2:07
Yes.
2:08
Greeting everyone with a bow.
2:09
Now, I've seen you go into interview and usually you go in on your knees.
2:12
You just kind of scoot around.
2:14
You kind of scoot around on your knees.
2:15
Is that is that true?
2:17
I was having ankle problems at that time.
2:20
There was a reason why I was scooting around on my knees.
2:22
The ankles weren't working.
2:23
And now I hear that your ankles are better and your knees are worse.
2:27
Yes.
2:28
Now, now I'm wearing a knee brace.
2:29
Won't be walking on my knees anymore.
2:31
Okay.
2:32
Well, I love you, Evan.
2:33
Is there a way that you go into an interview to help you get in the mindset of that interview?
2:36
Before you go in there, you got to do a couple screams and yells.
2:40
Outside or inside the interview?
2:42
Right outside the door.
2:43
Let them know what's coming in.
2:47
And then as soon as you, you know, you set the mood for the interviewer and they're like,
2:51
there's an animal about to attack me outside my door.
2:53
You walk in and you're just like, hello, I'm here.
2:58
And you go in all beta male.
2:59
Yeah, you're beta male after that.
3:01
So you're outside that door.
3:03
What animal do you want them to think is out there?
3:06
I don't know.
3:07
I don't want it to be too aggressive.
3:08
I don't want to scare them, right?
3:09
But you want to let them know that you mean business.
3:11
You want to scare them enough to where they think if they don't hire you, you're going
3:17
to come for them.
3:18
Because of the implication.
3:20
So it's kind of like a moose or like something territorial maybe.
3:26
Maybe a golden macaw.
3:27
I'm feeling a golden macaw.
3:29
How territorial are they historically?
3:31
I've been attacked by quite a few and it's mostly because I sneak into the cages at the
3:35
zoo.
3:36
So that'll do it.
3:37
Yeah, that'll do it.
3:38
Perry, do you have any advice for the initial entrance into an interview?
3:41
Yeah, I definitely rubbed some dirt on my face before.
3:43
Yeah, I want to look rugged.
3:46
I'm ready to get my hands dirty.
3:47
Yeah.
3:48
Even if it's for like an IT, you know, job.
3:50
Yeah.
3:51
I'm ready to get in that circuit.
3:54
Just get in there.
3:55
So yeah.
3:56
When the interviewer, when you walk in and the interviewer asks, why are you covered
4:00
in filth?
4:01
What do you normally say?
4:02
Like, what's your normal answer to that?
4:04
I fought off some ne'er-do-wellers outside.
4:06
You say ne'er-do-wellers?
4:09
Ne'er-do-wellers.
4:10
That's what they told me they were when they approached me.
4:15
Oh, okay.
4:16
Yeah.
4:17
They approached me and said, we're a gang of ne'er-do-wellers and we will strip you
4:21
down.
4:22
Oh, God.
4:23
Wow.
4:24
It sounds like you're getting sexually harassed by a 50s doo-wop gang.
4:27
What does a gang of ne'er-do-wellers look like?
4:29
Well, they come in, they snap in like this.
4:31
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
4:32
Out of an alleyway.
4:33
A lot of leather.
4:34
Like, strip off your clothes.
4:35
Strip off your clothes.
4:36
Strip off your clothes.
4:37
And then they have bicycles and they're circling you while snapping.
4:43
I assume.
4:44
It's very intimidating.
4:45
I assume that the interview is very appreciative of that because that sounds like it would
4:48
be a plague on a business.
4:50
Correct, yeah.
4:52
No customer is coming into that business with some 50s ne'er-do-wellers.
4:55
Yep.
4:56
So, you've got dirt on your face.
4:58
Are the ne'er-do-wellers just throwing soil at you?
5:01
No, they're just dirty people.
5:02
I put out my cigarette before I attacked them.
5:05
I'd just dump it on the ground like a Grease movie.
5:09
And then I'd go to work.
5:10
Nothing gets your blood pumping like having a fight right before your interview.
5:13
That's true.
5:14
Well, alright.
5:15
So Perry, what's the first question that you're usually asked in an interview?
5:18
Well, the first thing I usually ask people in an interview is, what are you looking for
5:23
in this new position?
5:24
What are you looking to gain from this new job?
5:26
Yeah.
5:27
Alright, boys, what do y'all normally say to that question?
5:29
Well, right now, I'm looking for money specifically to buy balloons.
5:34
You're looking for money.
5:35
That's what you're looking for in a position to be paid.
5:37
Money, but the money, I only want it to buy balloons.
5:41
And you specify that specifically.
5:43
I always tell an interviewer that immediately.
5:46
Just so I don't want them to get me in this job thinking that I'm some guy that doesn't
5:51
care about balloons.
5:54
I want them to know what I'm about from the get-go.
5:56
So like on your paycheck, like in the memo section, it just says, it has to say four
6:02
balloons.
6:03
Four balloons.
6:04
It's a line item.
6:05
Yeah.
6:06
So like you don't want them to be confused, like this guy is coming in here to get paid
6:09
so he can pay bills.
6:10
Yeah, no, I want to be very clear on that.
6:13
I have no bills.
6:14
I have no home.
6:15
He hates guys named Bill.
6:18
No guys named Bill.
6:20
I certainly hope the interviewer is not a guy named Bill.
6:23
Yeah, for sure.
6:24
There's some red flags immediately when I hear that.
6:27
I'm just going to throw that at you while we workshop this.
6:30
It sounds like you're not trying to get away from the fact that you're in it for the money.
6:33
You are in it for the money, just specifically for balloons with the money.
6:37
Yeah.
6:38
Well, I need something to hold my money.
6:41
So what I use balloons for is storage.
6:46
Like a coin situation?
6:47
Like you're like a coin purse?
6:49
I've got, yeah, I've got coins in there.
6:51
I've got, you know, other things, uncooked beans, rice.
6:57
Just hope it doesn't pop.
6:58
Sometimes if I don't have a water bottle, you know.
7:02
So you basically look like a merry man from Shearwood Forest walking around with saggy
7:06
balloons filled with things just like in your belt.
7:11
I look like I have a utility belt.
7:13
Are these balloons inflated or deflated when they have things?
7:17
Depends on what the situation calls for.
7:20
So if I need a lot of space, I'll inflate the balloons, throw things in there.
7:25
If not, they'll be deflated.
7:26
So as an interviewer, Perry, if you hear somebody that gives this answer, that they are so gung-ho
7:33
about balloons, what does that say about their character and what they might be as a worker?
7:37
Well, very ingenuitive.
7:38
Sure.
7:39
Thank you.
7:40
I'll give you that.
7:41
That's about where the good things stop and start.
7:46
After that, it's just more psychological concerns.
7:51
What are you first psychologically concerned about?
7:52
Well, first off, I was thinking about just the practicality.
7:56
Like if you wanted those beans, you would just have to throw it on the ground and pop
7:58
it.
7:59
So now beans are splattering everywhere.
8:00
It would be like a smoke bomb from a magician.
8:03
Yeah, yeah.
8:04
Like a phosphorus flare.
8:06
You know, you don't see it coming.
8:08
You need some change.
8:10
It's a great defensive mechanism.
8:13
I doubt.
8:15
Let me tell you something.
8:16
I'm going to knock it to us.
8:17
I have never gotten in an altercation twice with somebody who's been hit by a bean balloon.
8:22
You don't get into altercation when somebody throws down beans as confidently as you do.
8:27
That's a power move.
8:28
It is.
8:29
So, Evan, what's your answer to the question, what are you looking for in a business, in
8:33
a job?
8:34
Well, it is podcasts.
8:36
We focus a lot on family and the importance of it.
8:39
So it's kind of what I'm looking for in a new job is a family, a father specifically
8:44
since you know, we were we've been without one for so long.
8:47
We do you think we are part of your family?
8:50
That's what he is doing here with this podcast, Alan, is he has joined this podcast just to
8:54
have some semblance of a family is is life hard at home?
9:00
I just miss him so much.
9:01
He's just never around.
9:02
Uh huh.
9:03
And, you know, we're talking about your father.
9:05
Yeah, our father.
9:06
And I thought you're going to start praying.
9:08
I kind of thought so.
9:12
And it just feels like we talked about having a father multiple times on this podcast.
9:15
We are a dad heavy podcast.
9:17
That's really what I'm looking for in a in a job is another father specifically.
9:22
So when you walk in after doing all your animal calls and you walk in all pious, what what
9:27
do you normally do when you see there's a man sitting across the desk as the interviewer
9:32
begging him crying?
9:33
Yeah, there's a lot of crying with you.
9:36
Begging him to be my father.
9:37
And I just come out and say it.
9:38
I say, will you be my daddy?
9:39
Yeah.
9:40
Will you be my my papa, if you will?
9:43
Yeah.
9:44
How does that usually go over?
9:45
They're scared at first.
9:46
Yeah.
9:47
I think eventually they do come around.
9:49
It takes a minute.
9:50
I mean, when you move in with them, they're going to have to come around.
9:53
Yeah, they show up and they're like, why is there an extra bed in the middle of the living
9:58
room?
9:59
And then you come out in their robe with a plate of their food and you're like, hello,
10:03
father.
10:04
Yeah, me and my brothers and sisters have been getting along great.
10:07
It's just a group of kids huddled in a corner, fearing for their life.
10:11
Yes.
10:12
It sounds like the interview is not the last time you'll be on your knees.
10:16
I don't think it matters whether he gets the job or not.
10:21
I don't care about the job.
10:22
He has found his new father.
10:24
I'm just in there looking for a man that is a father.
10:28
Now, Harry, as the interviewer and somebody comes in with that answer, how do you dissect
10:33
that?
10:34
I think the list of good things is shorter than Alan's actually.
10:38
It's zero.
10:39
It's wrong.
10:40
So, Evan, let me ask you this.
10:44
In 2023, women have important places in the workplace.
10:49
They might even be the ones to hire you.
10:53
What happens if there's not a dad in that room, just a woman?
10:57
I think I tell them this isn't for me immediately.
11:00
I may have all the qualifications for the job and they may hire me outright just looking
11:04
at me, seeing that I'm a great fit.
11:06
I mean, I'm a great fit in most places.
11:08
You know me.
11:09
Very qualified.
11:10
I'm a great guy.
11:11
Tell me I'm a great guy.
11:14
He's looking for the father figure to me right now.
11:16
I'm not going to give you that acceptance.
11:18
Someone be proud of me.
11:19
Don't look at this side of the table.
11:21
Anyway.
11:22
There's no game of catch happening after this.
11:24
I say this company just doesn't have what I'm looking for.
11:27
And what I'm looking for is an older man to love me.
11:30
Yeah.
11:31
You look at the women you say, can you bring a man in here?
11:35
Yeah.
11:36
I say you're not man enough for me.
11:39
And that doesn't usually go over well.
11:42
But yeah, we got to do what we got to do.
11:44
It's I know what I'm looking for.
11:45
Yeah.
11:46
Sure.
11:47
Well, you go in there with that confidence.
11:49
I feel like nothing can go wrong.
11:50
What could tell me what could go wrong?
11:53
Perry, what do you think can go wrong in your professional experience?
11:57
I'm experienced.
11:58
I'm you probably don't get the job.
12:00
That's one thing that could go wrong.
12:02
They saw secondly, you know, the heaven dad's not that great.
12:08
It's overhyped.
12:09
I think Perry has three dads, so he is over saturated with fathers.
12:13
I got too many.
12:14
You can have one.
12:16
Some people just have it all.
12:17
I don't know how good I got it.
12:20
Probably.
12:21
Maybe loan a dad to Evan, just like on maybe interest.
12:23
Yeah.
12:24
For a fee.
12:25
Sure.
12:26
That's the next business.
12:28
All right.
12:29
For me personally, when I go in an interview and I'm asked this question, I know myself
12:33
pretty well and I realize that I need very hard motivation.
12:37
I need somebody to motivate me.
12:38
So I want somebody to physically assault me whenever they get the chance.
12:42
If I'm in a cubicle, I want them to bust down the cubicles have doors.
12:47
No.
12:48
No.
12:49
OK, well, by definition, they don't.
12:52
I want them to come through the cubicle like a SWAT team raiding a meth lab and just start
12:57
hitting me.
12:58
Maybe they have a whip.
13:00
Maybe they don't.
13:01
I'm not sure.
13:02
I just need the constant fear and motivation to do my work well and maybe not fall asleep
13:07
at the desk.
13:08
Also, in my past, I have valued money too much, so I also don't want to get paid.
13:13
I want to be beat and manhandled for no money while I do work.
13:17
This is coming off as a sexual vibe.
13:22
That's interesting you say that.
13:23
I was thinking it was more of like an 1800s plantation vibe.
13:31
There's a word for this.
13:32
I'm not sure.
13:33
I can't remember.
13:34
It's on the tip of my tongue.
13:35
I don't know what the word is either.
13:37
I hear good motivational practice.
13:40
I hear that if you do this to people, you will be able to do so much for not a lot of
13:46
money.
13:47
Let me ask some clarifying questions.
13:48
Sure.
13:49
Go ahead.
13:50
If I could.
13:51
Do you eat or sleep whenever you want?
13:52
No, I will sleep in a cot in my cubicle.
13:56
Interesting.
13:57
Do you feed yourself or do you eat what I provide to you?
14:00
I will hang around your desk like a poor boy from the middle ages, hoping to pick up any
14:04
kind of scraps that might fall from your mouth.
14:07
Do you do this voluntarily?
14:08
You're voluntarily doing this job?
14:10
Well, initially it will be voluntary, but after you start hitting me nonstop, I won't
14:15
have a choice.
14:16
I will have to do this.
14:17
Is there an outside version of you and then you're the inside version?
14:22
Now my psychologist calls the voices in my head the inside version of me, if that's what
14:26
you're talking about.
14:27
But there is the outside version, which you are seeing.
14:30
But the inside version never stops talking.
14:33
Which one's a better singer?
14:38
The inside voices that I have, the inside me sounds a lot like Michael Blueblade.
14:42
Who?
14:43
Beyblade?
14:44
No, no, it's Michael Blueblade.
14:49
If I had an inside voice with the same singer's actual name, it would be a copyright thing
14:54
and I don't want to get sued over it.
14:56
It would be weird.
14:58
You get DMCA'd on YouTube and stuff.
15:02
I don't need another person's inside voice that is a lawyer suing me.
15:06
So I try to stay off of the copyright thing.
15:09
So in this job you're talking about.
15:11
You're looking for this?
15:12
I am personally looking for this.
15:14
I need the stiff motivation of a iron fist to really get me to work well.
15:20
That makes sense.
15:21
Yep.
15:22
Because you know, other than that, I'm just a blob of skin and bone that won't do anything.
15:26
So I just know myself well.
15:28
So Perry, as a professional interviewer, if I were to give this answer in an interview
15:34
situation, what would that read?
15:36
I don't see any downsides for the employer, especially if you sign a contract saying this
15:41
is okay.
15:42
As for you, lifelong stress, it's got to be a lot of psychological toll.
15:48
I am psychologically told.
15:49
Never knowing when you'll be absolutely manhandled.
15:51
There's some problems there.
15:54
When I said I sleep in my cubicle, I don't do a lot of sleeping.
15:57
It is staying awake and constantly thinking.
15:59
Right, right.
16:00
Just bloodshot eyes.
16:01
But yeah, for the company, I think you're the perfect candidate.
16:05
I think Alan and Evan can learn a little bit from what you're trying to provide here.
16:09
Less money, more work.
16:10
Now, coming in here today, I realized that I was the best at getting jobs.
16:15
I knew this.
16:16
I saw this coming.
16:17
Well, I pray what's the next most asked question in an interview?
16:20
Sure, sure, sure.
16:21
Yeah, got it right here.
16:22
What would you consider to be your biggest strengths and weaknesses for me?
16:26
When it comes to my strengths and weaknesses, we'll knock out one at a time here.
16:29
For the strength, I have 16 tapeworms.
16:32
Golly.
16:33
Like inside you or just like on a leash as a pet?
16:37
They cycle in and out.
16:39
Oh, wow.
16:41
Oh no.
16:43
It's like an unemployment line for tapeworms.
16:48
It's like a sonic drive in.
16:50
Oh, OK.
16:52
So basically what I'm hearing is your strength is that you have a surplus of tapeworms that
17:01
you just kind of carry around you.
17:03
Is there a way that you carry these tapeworms?
17:05
I've seen you I have personally seen you carry them around almost as a necklace.
17:10
Like you're you're a single stay at home mom with with a fun new hobby that you do.
17:16
You did thread them with puka shells at one point.
17:22
You pack up like Indians on the on the planes and out to your next destination.
17:27
It's not it's not a good look.
17:31
It's just wet, gross worms hanging around your neck.
17:35
People move to the other side of the sidewalk when they see that they when they see that
17:40
thing swinging around your neck.
17:41
Yeah, I mean, it's a tough look.
17:49
Yeah, I know.
17:50
I don't want to make it sound like like I know it all.
17:53
But I think you don't have a great job of that.
17:57
Yeah, you don't have to say that.
18:00
If you don't have enough tapeworms in your body, then or around your body, then you're
18:03
just you're not providing enough life to those around you.
18:08
You're being a vessel for others to live.
18:10
My intestines have a capacity of six tapeworms at one time.
18:13
So that leaves 10 outside my body at one time.
18:16
Yeah, and I can fashion them.
18:18
They're like a rope.
18:19
I fashion them into a lasso at one point and just whip them around, grab things around
18:24
the house.
18:25
Yeah, that kind of gets me into my weaknesses, which are my ankles and my mobility in general.
18:30
I can't get around very well.
18:32
I fashion these tapeworms into ropes and various pulleys to just get things to me as I lie
18:39
on the couch, nurturing these tapeworms.
18:41
Now, Perry Allen, go with me on this.
18:44
Something if he has 16 tapeworms, 10 are outside of his body, six are in and something is 16
18:50
tapeworms away.
18:51
I would hate to be around him when he needs to retrieve those other six tapeworms to get
18:56
that object.
18:57
Yeah, or do you just load up on magnesium citrate and just push those things out?
19:06
It's a grotesque site.
19:10
There's a lot of magnesium citrate, if you will, if that's what gets tapeworms out.
19:14
Let me tell you, that gets everything out.
19:20
And I grabbed those puppies one by one.
19:23
You didn't know they're not puppies, right?
19:25
Well, they are for me and I just go to town and there's a lot of crying from them and
19:32
they say, they talk to you.
19:35
What do they say?
19:37
What do they say?
19:38
What do the tapeworms say as you're pulling them out?
19:41
I don't know.
19:42
I don't know where I was going with that.
19:45
That's what they say.
19:46
They don't, I don't know.
19:47
They say, I don't know what we've done to disappoint you, father.
19:53
Father, what have I done for you lately?
19:59
Why do you hate me?
20:00
Why have you scorned me, father?
20:01
You have a little Victorian air of children as tapeworms.
20:05
That's interesting.
20:06
Now, Perry.
20:07
Yeah, you're fired.
20:13
What does that read for an interviewer when somebody comes in dressed in 10 tapeworms?
20:19
Yeah, yeah.
20:20
As someone with a serious fear of tapeworms, disgusted by tapeworms, this was not fun.
20:26
I was there once too.
20:28
You get used to it.
20:30
I'm not open-minded enough to it yet.
20:33
I need to be exposed more.
20:34
So really I'll hire him just so I can be more open-minded probably.
20:37
It's better for me to hire someone like that.
20:40
Grows you as a person.
20:41
Yeah.
20:42
Eventually you'll be that guy that has all the tapeworms.
20:45
One day, hopefully.
20:47
We can work on a multiplication plan there.
20:50
Reproductive plan.
20:51
I'm sure you know how to breed them.
20:52
It sounds like you may need more money to eat because you'll be eating the amount of
20:56
food of five villages in a week.
21:01
That I will need an up salary.
21:03
It takes a lot of calories to maintain this level of stress on my body.
21:07
So there's some things we got to work around, but doable.
21:10
Nice.
21:11
Alan, what about you?
21:12
What are your strengths and weaknesses that you would say?
21:15
So my strength is that I can find any hole or drawer, cabinet or box and hide in it completely
21:25
unnoticed.
21:26
That's a weakness or a strength?
21:29
Oh, that's a strength.
21:31
And how is that useful for the corporate world?
21:34
So I honestly don't know that it is.
21:37
But I guess when that question is asked, it's not necessarily strengths for the corporate
21:41
world.
21:42
It's just general strengths.
21:43
Well, I think it just shows that you're flexible.
21:44
I think it's a general strength.
21:46
Yeah.
21:47
And as Evan said, it shows that I'm flexible.
21:48
And if I'm flexible enough to scurry and fit into some drawer, I'm flexible enough to use
21:53
both Excel and PowerPoint.
21:55
There you go.
21:56
It does multifaceted.
21:57
Wow.
21:58
That's a great way to spin it.
22:00
If we could workshop it a little bit more.
22:02
In the corporate setting, sometimes you have audits.
22:05
We may need to give you some sensitive documentation that needs to be hidden for a while.
22:08
That's true.
22:09
That is true.
22:10
Put that in your pocket and it disappears into a cubby.
22:11
It's taken away like a little goblin takes away gold.
22:14
A little rat scurrying away into the...
22:17
It's buried off with the papers.
22:19
We'll just load up some Manila envelopes.
22:23
Stamp them confidential, obviously.
22:24
That's right.
22:25
They're gone.
22:26
Yeah.
22:27
All the auditors are like, where are these documents?
22:28
And they're like, they're in the walls.
22:33
It's just Alan looking through a vent in the ceiling.
22:38
Underneath them in the floorboard.
22:39
Yeah.
22:40
I've created sort of a series of tunnels throughout my last place of employment where I was able
22:47
to scurry in at different locations.
22:50
So if I'm in the East bathroom, I know I can get up in that ceiling, scurry around back
22:55
to my desk.
22:56
You're sounding more and more like a mole person.
22:58
Yeah.
22:59
Well, you know, it's not rolling out.
23:01
I say it isn't what it used to be.
23:05
I was raised underground for six years, but that's neither here nor there.
23:09
Your beard's getting a little long.
23:10
They look like whiskers.
23:11
All right.
23:12
If that's your strength, what's your weakness?
23:14
My weakness is, I'm kind of almost embarrassed to say it guys.
23:19
It's okay.
23:20
This is a safe space.
23:21
Yeah.
23:22
So I've heard.
23:23
I have a fear of tomato based food.
23:26
Okay.
23:27
Okay.
23:28
That's interesting.
23:29
Now, can you name off some tomato?
23:30
We get ketchup.
23:31
Ketchup is the end of the word.
23:32
Ketchup.
23:33
Is that a food?
23:34
It's a condiment.
23:35
You eat it.
23:36
I would consider ketchup.
23:37
You're afraid of it though.
23:38
I'm afraid of it no matter what.
23:39
True.
23:40
You know, so you know, ketchup, salsa, chili usually has a lot of tomatoes, some spaghetti.
23:46
It kind of makes.
23:47
Pizza.
23:48
Pizza.
23:49
Yeah.
23:50
Anytime, you know, chili cook off comes around, it makes it just a nightmare for me.
23:54
And thankfully, because I'm able to hide in drawers and stuff, whenever somebody brings
23:59
that big old pot of chili around, I just kind of hide in a box or a drawer or what have
24:04
you.
24:05
Filing cabinet, under a desk, under a person.
24:07
Probably any places you can hide.
24:09
Any nook and cranny, really.
24:10
Instead of just saying, no, I don't want that food, you visibly are afraid and you dart
24:17
off.
24:18
I don't want to hurt somebody's feelings.
24:22
It goes back to that real beta personality.
24:25
Can't stand up for myself.
24:26
So when I see that tomato based food, when I see that ketchup packet on Doug's desk,
24:32
you know.
24:33
Doug is classically a ketchup guy.
24:35
He uses it on everything.
24:37
Probably on too many things though.
24:38
He pours it straight down his throat.
24:40
He's a little rat like that.
24:42
Now, Perry, you hear that weakness.
24:46
What's your thoughts as a professional employer?
24:48
Not too many.
24:49
I think lunchtime is going to be a struggle.
24:51
But as long as you stay in your queue head down, then should be good.
24:55
I mean.
24:56
Because he fell asleep.
24:57
Well, narcolepsy maybe is another weakness you should mention.
25:03
Well for me, I'm going to start with my weaknesses.
25:05
I am blind, as you can tell.
25:08
Visually?
25:09
Visually blind.
25:10
And I am missing both legs.
25:12
I don't know if you all have noticed that today, but I am missing both legs from the
25:16
knee down.
25:17
And that prevents me from doing a lot, but this is where it leads into my strength.
25:22
My strength is I use echolocation because I am blind.
25:27
But I don't normally use echolocation like you would think a bat does or a whale.
25:32
Not with clicks or whistles.
25:34
Blinds more of a high pitched scream.
25:37
Can we hear that?
25:38
As an example, here we go.
25:40
Wow, Perry, you're a beautiful person.
25:44
See I just saw Perry fully there.
25:46
I don't feel seen.
25:48
I feel terrified.
25:50
As you can imagine, this might scare your employees as I'm scooting around on my hands
25:58
and arms screaming to see my way around.
26:02
So usually, I don't do very well with other employees just because of my disability.
26:07
Now is that okay for an employer, Perry?
26:11
Will they accept my disability?
26:12
Well, legally we can't discriminate based on disabilities.
26:16
So there's that.
26:18
I think we'll find a way around that.
26:21
But legally we can't.
26:24
And now we may just put a bunch of obstacles in your way to keep you confined to a certain
26:29
area of the building and say no one go down the basement seat.
26:36
Y'all just employ a weird monster that you keep in the basement.
26:39
Correct, yeah.
26:40
We'll build you your own tunnel in and out.
26:43
Just stay down and eat your chilies and everything will be fine.
26:47
It'll become an urban legend at the business.
26:51
You'll get your paycheck.
26:52
No one's seeing you.
26:56
We're leaving at different times than everybody else.
26:59
You don't know what time of day it is.
27:02
What if the company would provide you with artificial legs?
27:06
Well, I am still blind.
27:08
So I would go from a monster-esque looking person to a cyborg-
27:15
Monster.
27:16
Poor monster, yeah.
27:18
So-
27:19
I think that's a step in the right direction.
27:21
You think so?
27:22
Mm-hmm.
27:23
I'm offended that you would use step in the right direction as I cannot step.
27:26
But we'll get past it.
27:27
It's a scoot in the right direction at least.
27:30
It's more of a scoot in the right direction.
27:32
It's a tumble in the right direction.
27:33
A nubby shuffle.
27:34
A nubby shuffle.
27:39
So basically if I were to sum up my two answers to this question, what I'm bringing to the
27:43
table for an employer is I walk on my hands, I scream to see, and I want you to beat me
27:50
at any chance you get.
27:52
If I could ask, and I hope this isn't too personal, but how did you lose your legs?
27:58
So Allen, have you ever heard of a woodchipper?
28:01
Yeah, I have.
28:02
Well, I'm a part of a gang, not the ne'er-do-wellers, but it's the ne'er-do-killers.
28:08
And what it is is a group of blind and deaf people that walk around almost like Helen
28:14
Keller.
28:15
And what happened was because I have an issue with sight, I walked right into a woodchipper.
28:20
Wow.
28:21
Lost both legs.
28:22
So you're deaf as well, or you just...
28:24
Well, it's more I'm just dumb.
28:26
All right, Perry, what's our next most frequent interview question?
28:32
To wrap up this mock interview, the last question will be, what is the reason you left your
28:38
last job?
28:39
Well, I'm not afraid to say it.
28:41
I left my last job on my own terms, my terms where I was fired.
28:48
I chose to wear a shirt made entirely out of shrimp tails.
28:53
Oh, gosh.
28:55
Our company, former company, they were big on employee creativity.
29:00
They wanted you to feel like your voice was heard.
29:04
In my opinion, my voice is only heard when I can make my crafts.
29:17
So I went down to the local fish market, I gathered me quite a hefty sum of shrimp.
29:22
I ate it all in one sitting.
29:23
Oh, gosh.
29:24
It was a very tough night.
29:27
However, that next day I got to work with sewing kit and shrimp tails, sewed them all
29:33
together sort of in a mithril chainmail style.
29:37
I wore it to work proud as I can be.
29:40
How many shrimp tails does that take?
29:43
More than you think.
29:44
Okay.
29:45
How many do you think it makes, Evan?
29:46
Honestly, I think it would take at least like 2000.
29:49
More than that.
29:50
Wow.
29:51
That's a lot of shrimp in one sitting.
29:53
How did your work handle that?
29:55
I sit down at the cubicle, I immediately hear whispers.
29:59
Not the usual whispers that I hear that come from inside my head, but whispers within the
30:04
room.
30:05
Eventually, the whispers leave and they come back, but instead they bring human resources.
30:14
Human resources sits me down and says, you can't wear a shrimp tail shirt.
30:18
I said, well, why not?
30:19
They said, well, that's disgusting.
30:22
You haven't cleaned any of these tails.
30:23
You haven't cleaned any of these tails.
30:26
They said that they still saw butter on it.
30:29
You probably smell like a fish market.
30:31
Yes.
30:32
Usually, I feel like, unless I assume you're a good employee, is this not the first time
30:37
you wore a shrimp or seafood shirt?
30:40
I feel like they wouldn't fire you off of the initial time you wore it, maybe a strict
30:45
warning, but it sounds like you probably have brought in odd shirts to wear.
30:50
Yeah, it seems like maybe this is the fourth time that they've had a wave of seagulls flocking
30:55
to their office building.
30:56
It actually was the first time I did it, and that's not necessarily was the reason why
31:00
I got fired.
31:01
I started taking apart my shrimp shirt and sewing the tails onto other people's clothes.
31:05
Oh, yeah, that'll do it.
31:06
That makes sense.
31:07
For sure.
31:08
That was apparently considered harassment, invasion of other employees' privacy.
31:15
I started gluing shrimp to pictures on their desks, family photos.
31:22
That's a lot because he had over 2,000 shrimp tails.
31:25
It was a lot of whispers.
31:26
I heard a lot of whispers that day.
31:28
You didn't retaliate and say, but my crafts?
31:35
That was the battle cry that I used as I was being hauled out.
31:40
I said, but my crafts?
31:46
It didn't end well for me.
31:49
I was also only wearing a shrimp tail shirt.
31:53
I left that out.
31:55
Not that that really has any bearing on why I was let go.
31:58
I think it was a piece of it.
31:59
Couldn't be.
32:00
I think it was a part of it.
32:01
It's a very small part.
32:05
It wasn't the only shrimp tail.
32:11
Like you, Alan, I was fired.
32:13
Here you go, Perry.
32:15
Here's my resume.
32:16
On it, it says why I was fired from my last job.
32:20
Let me just read over that real quick.
32:27
One note, it says here you're anti-Semitic.
32:30
That is a typo.
32:33
You see, I hate the definitions of words.
32:36
I don't like when people bring around and tell me how words are defined.
32:41
It annoys me.
32:42
So I'm not anti-Semitic.
32:44
I like the Jewish people.
32:45
I like the Jewish faith.
32:46
I am anti-Semantics.
32:48
I am such an anti-Semitic that I will not stand if you tell me the definitions of words.
32:55
If you bring around a dictionary, I will toss that dictionary.
32:58
I will toss it out the window.
33:00
That happened at my last job.
33:02
It was a job that worked for a dictionary company.
33:05
You might have heard it, Webster's.
33:07
I'm not familiar.
33:08
You're not familiar with it?
33:09
I work for Webster's.
33:10
As an anti-Semitic, I won't stand for people giving me definitions of words.
33:16
You're not a teachable guy, are you?
33:17
I don't tend to be.
33:19
No, I am stuck in my beliefs.
33:23
I know what I believe and I know about all the words I need to know.
33:27
I'd love to say how do you learn new words.
33:29
That's my question.
33:30
I don't.
33:31
I'm an athesaurus.
33:33
What is that?
33:34
Exactly.
33:35
It's a dinosaur.
33:36
Stop it, Evan.
33:37
Do not tell me the definition of the word.
33:38
You know my beliefs.
33:41
I got a question, though.
33:42
Why would you put your reason for firing on your resume?
33:46
While I am anti-Semitic, I am honest.
33:49
I will tell you.
33:51
I'll be honest with you.
33:53
Whoever fat fingered that on my resume, that's unfortunate.
33:58
You didn't write your own resume?
33:59
No, I did not.
34:00
I had a Jew do it.
34:03
Sounds like they didn't like you.
34:10
Sounds like they didn't fat finger that at all.
34:16
In any case, why did you leave your last job?
34:24
Ask the question.
34:25
Is it why or how?
34:26
I have an answer to both questions, really.
34:28
How?
34:29
Through a hot air balloon.
34:30
I was shooting bullets into the balloon.
34:34
I slowly descended to the ground until the very end.
34:40
It was very abrupt.
34:41
I broke both feet bones.
34:43
You're not a medical guy, are you?
34:45
The feet bones were shattered into pieces.
34:48
Not that I want to interrupt this.
34:49
I've been in the hospital.
34:51
This reminiscent rant that you're on.
34:52
For 30 years.
34:54
You escaped in a hot air balloon, but you're shooting in the air with a gun.
34:58
You didn't think that would be jeopardizing to your escape?
35:01
I didn't think past the part of it just being a victory cry.
35:04
You're like an old timey bank robber.
35:08
Or just like a freedom fighter.
35:09
You know, America, I love them.
35:12
Shooting shotguns in the air.
35:14
Bald eagles flying through, soaring.
35:17
Why did you leave your job?
35:19
That's how.
35:20
I brought way too many guns to work.
35:23
Way too many guns.
35:25
By way too many, at least one was too many.
35:28
One will do it.
35:29
How many did you bring?
35:30
13.
35:31
Holy cow.
35:32
With the 16 tapeworms, you seem like you had a lot to carry.
35:37
Emotionally, yes.
35:38
Physically, I was fine.
35:40
You're very strong.
35:41
I was very strong, except for my ankles.
35:45
But that's kind of how I got to the ground.
35:47
And now I feel grounded.
35:48
Oh, from the hot air balloon.
35:50
Does your company just have a hot air balloon on standby?
35:53
Or how did you get access to the hot air balloon?
35:55
It sounds like he was planning this, Alan.
35:56
Nobody plans to get fired.
35:57
I think if you bring 13 guns.
35:58
Evan, did you plan to get fired?
35:59
I feel like if you bring 13 guns into the office, you know what's inevitable.
36:03
Or you travel in a hot air balloon every day.
36:06
That's your mode of transportation.
36:08
Yeah.
36:09
I mean, it's been in the family for generations.
36:12
So I kind of just.
36:13
It's a hand me down hot air balloon.
36:15
That's a mouthful.
36:16
Hand me down hot air balloon.
36:17
You didn't earn that yourself?
36:18
No, it was daddy's hot air balloon.
36:22
Daddy's hot air balloon got me it for my 13th birthday, as did all my other brothers and
36:26
sisters.
36:27
We all had one that grandfather had and grandpa handed it down to him and he handed it down
36:33
to me.
36:34
Wow.
36:35
Hindenburg.
36:36
Oh, there you go.
36:39
That's interesting.
36:40
So Perry, now that you've heard our answers, do you think we'd be good candidates for
36:45
a job?
36:46
And should other people take our advice on these answers?
36:49
Yeah.
36:50
I think we could workshop a lot of that stuff.
36:52
Sure.
36:53
We'll probably take out 99 percent.
36:56
You can keep like the articles like the and a in your sentences, but the rest of it probably
37:01
put a new word.
37:02
You'll have to learn some new ones.
37:04
Zach, I will be doing that.
37:07
We'll sneak it in like in your sandwich or something.
37:09
Don't do that.
37:10
Yeah, no, there's nothing we can work with.
37:13
Unfortunately, that is unfortunate.
37:15
Well, except for the hiding in cubbies.
37:18
That does tell you it can be useful.
37:19
Yeah.
37:20
Here's the thing.
37:22
We don't care what you think, Perry.
37:24
This is good advice for people out there trying to get a job.
37:27
So take this advice.
37:29
Take these answers with full weight.
37:31
Give them to your next employer and you will do well on your job.
37:35
All right, boys.
37:36
Alan, do you have some movies for us?
37:38
Yeah, I've got them queued up here on the soul Windows 95 PC here.
37:45
Generate them real quick.
37:46
So sit back, get some corn and let's have movie time.
37:56
So what we're going to do is we're going to run through like we did a couple of episodes
38:00
ago.
38:01
We're going to run through some movies and I'm going to ask you guys what you think these
38:05
are about based solely on the title.
38:08
Yeah.
38:09
So our category here is the 2022 Academy Award Best Picture nominees.
38:14
So the first one is Nightmare Alley.
38:16
What do we think that is about?
38:19
Personally, if I were to guess what that movie is about, I would assume it is a 90 minute
38:26
film of just meth heads tweaking out in an alley.
38:30
And it's just the one one camera, one frame, 90 minutes of just meth heads screaming at
38:38
air throwing things.
38:40
And it's really an art project, you know, really showing the depth of humanity, very
38:45
student film, very student film.
38:47
He may be filmed in some kind of weird orange filter.
38:50
You know how Sundance would love it.
38:51
Oh yeah.
38:52
Sounds like it would be an Academy Award.
38:53
Absolutely.
38:54
I don't know.
38:55
I got to say it sounds like a woman who just has had a bad life and she just she's an angry
39:02
woman.
39:03
Her name's Alley and she's just a nightmare to deal with.
39:09
Maybe she screams at retail workers when she doesn't get what she wants.
39:13
Waitresses, waiters, hater.
39:15
She doesn't tip well.
39:17
Horrible, horrible person.
39:19
Similar to Bridezilla, the movie.
39:21
Yeah.
39:22
First thing that comes to my mind is have we seen Field of Dreams?
39:27
It's the exact opposite of Field of Dreams.
39:32
There are ghosts, they are ready and you can't get them to leave.
39:37
So you're trying to play baseball in an alley with a stick and there's just ghosts in the
39:41
way.
39:42
Don't build it, they won't leave.
39:43
Tear it down, they won't leave.
39:47
Alright, the next one is Don't Look Up.
39:51
This movie is based around a narrative of people that can't stop looking at the sun.
39:56
It is a group of people that maybe have been cut off from the rest of the world and they
40:01
think looking at the sun might bring them good luck.
40:05
But some white saviors came down and they told them stop looking at the sun, you're
40:10
burning your retinas out.
40:11
That's good advice.
40:13
I thought immediately of someone that just Google searches way too much and so they're
40:18
paranoid of everything.
40:21
And so similar to my wife with anything, if she has a hurt ankle, she has cancer now,
40:26
so she looks it up.
40:28
So now her doctor's like stop looking it up.
40:31
Don't look it up.
40:32
Get off the WebMD.
40:34
Who plays the doctor in that movie?
40:37
Steve Belushi.
40:38
That's not a real person.
40:39
What's his name?
40:40
Bishimi.
40:41
Isn't he dead?
40:42
Jim Belushi.
40:43
And Jim Belushi.
40:44
They're both in there.
40:45
It's a combination of both actors in one doctor.
40:52
They just trade out which one comes in the room every scene.
40:55
That's why it's nominated.
40:56
I see.
40:57
It's got the star power.
40:58
That's excellent.
40:59
The next one we have is Drive My Car.
41:02
So I think this is a drama based around somebody suffering from alcoholic addiction.
41:10
This poor guy is just always getting drunk in different locations.
41:15
He always needs somebody around to get his car home because he doesn't want to drive
41:20
drunk.
41:21
And it just goes through his life and how he doesn't get better in this movie obviously,
41:25
but one of the big lines is can you drive my car home?
41:28
And then he dies.
41:30
Alcohol overdose?
41:31
Yeah.
41:32
He's just 95.
41:33
Old age.
41:34
He's just very old.
41:35
First thing that I thought was I just, I didn't know your business had taken off.
41:45
Yeah, Cruisin' for Us Newsin'.
41:46
It is actually featured in that movie.
41:50
It actually calls.
41:51
That's impressive.
41:52
Hey, Zeus at Cruisin' for Us Newsin' and he says, dude, take my car.
41:55
So they basically made a movie about your whole business model and how you came up.
42:01
Yeah, how you came up through this and how you were just laying in the back of people's
42:06
cars and they'd be like, hey, dude, drive my car.
42:09
Yeah, yeah.
42:10
And...
42:11
Weirdly has not gotten any business for me though.
42:13
No.
42:14
It was really interesting that they even found you to begin with.
42:17
I wrote in.
42:18
I was incessant.
42:19
Thousands of emails go out every day.
42:24
You're up there.
42:25
You're nominated.
42:26
So that's good for you.
42:30
Cruisin' came to my mind with somebody that's very willing for somebody to drive their car
42:34
and they're really persistent about it.
42:36
So if you're going to go on a road trip, they're not going to drive, but they're going to be
42:40
like, dude, just drive my car.
42:41
I got 20 miles of spare.
42:43
Just got an old change.
42:44
Selfless.
42:45
Selfless, yes.
42:46
That's the word I was looking for.
42:48
Next we have is Licorice Pizza.
42:49
Is it a movie?
42:50
It is a movie.
42:51
So Licorice Pizza, what I assume it is, is a sad movie about a boy that is bullied.
42:59
So basically he was tasked in home ec class to a food and of course he doesn't know how
43:05
to make food, so he makes Licorice Pizza.
43:08
He is then bullied incessantly and eventually it is a school shooting movie.
43:14
But you really feel for it.
43:15
It is a movie that is tasked with you relating to the actual shooter.
43:20
So again, a very artistic piece.
43:23
Is the kid stupid?
43:26
He failed home ec, so I'll let you be the judge of that.
43:35
I never finished, sounds like it.
43:38
The first thing that comes to my mind is a pizza made somewhat of liquor, so it's liquor-ish.
43:43
You know, you got rum in the base of the, and that's what helps ferment the yeast.
43:49
And then you get a dough and then you get a pizza and it's liquor-ish.
43:54
I'm confident that you know how to make pizza Perry.
44:00
Hey, that stuff's in pizza.
44:04
Dough, I know that much.
44:08
You make the dough and then you get a pizza.
44:10
Not much more to it.
44:13
Alright, we'll just do one more.
44:16
The Power of the Dog.
44:18
So do y'all know the Air Bud movies?
44:20
No.
44:21
I like the Air Bud movies with a dog doing amazing human talents.
44:25
He's not playing basketball in those movies, not playing baseball, football.
44:29
He is a dog weightlifter.
44:31
So it is an Air Bud movie, another Air Bud movie, where he dresses in tights and just
44:39
lifts up massive amount of weight.
44:42
It's amazing watching this dog do a power clean in front of an audience.
44:47
It is inspiring.
44:50
There's chalk just everywhere.
44:53
Mine was an annual abuse story.
44:56
There's a wheel that powers a small cabin in the woods.
44:59
A man needs heat.
45:00
A man needs cool in the summer.
45:02
The only way to power this cabin by turning the wheel.
45:05
He buys the dog.
45:06
The dog runs on the wheel.
45:07
The man gets addicted to the power.
45:09
The dog can't come off the wheel.
45:12
The dog is running on the wheel its entire life until it dies of exhaustion.
45:17
That was a very sad movie.
45:19
I told you it was an animal abuse movie.
45:24
Who plays the old man?
45:25
Billy Bob Thornton.
45:31
For my movie, Power the Dog, I think I've seen this one before.
45:35
It's about a lady with severe psychological problems.
45:40
She gets a dog.
45:42
The dog develops a psychological problem.
45:46
Lunch housing syndrome through a dog.
45:49
It's kind of like an osmosis situation.
45:52
The dog now has OCD.
45:54
Anytime it uses the restroom, it has to be in a toilet, in a bathroom.
45:59
It eats only crustless bread for breakfast, toasted.
46:03
Things like that.
46:04
Normal things.
46:05
Normal things.
46:06
It's just a movie of coming of age.
46:08
Sounds heartwarming.
46:11
I think we could all do a really good job at creating bios for Netflix.
46:16
So Netflix, if you guys are listening and we know that you are, reach out to us.
46:23
Let us get a little bio work in there.
46:25
We are great at interviews so don't worry about that.
46:28
Don't interview us.
46:29
Just don't do it.
46:30
Alright boys, you want to do a Craigslist?
46:33
Yeah.
46:34
Craigslist has got what you need but sometimes Craigslist needs what you got.
46:40
Alright, so this will be an interesting Craigslist conversation for you three if y'all ever need
46:47
Barbie dolls.
46:48
Because what this Craigslist poster is selling is about four or five Barbie dolls in mint
46:55
condition.
46:56
Not out of the box yet.
46:57
And very normal looking Barbie dolls.
46:59
Nothing really interesting.
47:01
But then again, I guess I don't know Barbie dolls well.
47:03
I initially contact this poster selling Barbie dolls with greetings.
47:09
I saw your post about your dolls for sale.
47:12
I am interested and will buy them immediately.
47:16
All of them.
47:17
Every single one.
47:19
So I came off very interested.
47:21
You want to let him know that you're in there.
47:23
Oh and I was.
47:25
He comes back and says, wonderful, are you in Brooklyn?
47:28
I live in the 11219 area code.
47:32
Can you do a local pickup this evening?
47:34
Now y'all can go out and tell everybody, do we happen to live in Brooklyn, New York around
47:40
the 11219 area code?
47:42
Depends on the season.
47:44
Not currently.
47:45
Not currently.
47:46
We summer there.
47:47
I go on to say, yes I can.
47:48
But I have a couple questions first.
47:51
Do the dolls have personalities and what are their names?
47:57
Me as a buyer, I just don't want to buy any old regular dolls.
48:03
I want dolls that have some pizzazz.
48:05
Well you're also lazy too and you don't want to have to come up with the personalities
48:09
yourself.
48:10
Sure.
48:11
Or the names.
48:12
That just takes too much work.
48:13
I'm already apparently meeting this guy this evening for a pickup.
48:16
I don't want to do anyone work.
48:18
Now correct me if I'm wrong.
48:20
They come with names out of the box or no?
48:23
I am not sure.
48:24
This is the first set of dolls I am picking up.
48:26
Yeah same.
48:27
Same.
48:28
Okay.
48:29
If you had to pick top three doll names, what are your top three doll names?
48:34
Raticast, Lucifer, and Kilgore.
48:39
Very mythic.
48:42
Yeah well you know, I don't want my Barbie dolls.
48:46
Are these all women?
48:47
Yes.
48:48
I don't want my Barbie dolls to come off too feminine.
48:50
Do they all play catcher on a softball team?
48:57
Maybe not.
48:58
So they might fight a dragon.
49:00
Now they're in the local village.
49:04
They carry battle axes quite regularly.
49:07
He goes on to say, they're universal dolls I guess you can say.
49:11
They vibe with whoever will take owning them.
49:14
They weren't play dolls so I personally never named them.
49:17
Which for me, why would you never name the dolls you personally have?
49:22
Lazy.
49:23
It is lazy exactly.
49:24
At least I am inquiring about their names.
49:26
They're very impersonal of him.
49:28
They're purely transactional items.
49:31
I go on to say, can you name them before I come pick them up?
49:36
I need to personally connect with them when I get there and them having a name will help.
49:41
Plus I can tell my mom I am going to pick up some girls and can give her names.
49:49
My mom has been worried about me picking up girls.
49:52
At least here I can trick her into saying I'm going to pick up Rattagass Lucifer and
49:57
Kilgore.
50:00
Classic women names.
50:03
He then asks, how old are you?
50:06
This seems odd to me but I need to have the money sent to me beforehand for the dolls.
50:11
Is there a reason why you all think he might need the money beforehand?
50:14
Probably some previous transactions didn't go well.
50:17
Okay.
50:18
I'm sure nothing about you.
50:19
I'm sure.
50:23
Couldn't be.
50:24
I don't know if this guy is regularly on the doll market but maybe.
50:28
I go on to say 38 years old and I can send you the money beforehand.
50:34
This is not odd.
50:35
It's for my collection.
50:36
You're reassuring him.
50:40
Again, you all can speak to this.
50:44
Is there anything odd about a 38 year old male seeking out Barbie dolls on Craigslist?
50:50
Unless I'm wrong, you've never told him that you're a man.
50:54
That is true I guess.
50:55
He could think you're a 38 year old woman which now I don't know that that's any better.
51:01
You're still 38 playing with dolls.
51:03
It's a little bit better.
51:05
I like your way of reassuring him is this isn't odd.
51:09
What you're feeling is incorrect.
51:11
Yeah, gaslight him.
51:12
You don't just leave it at this is not odd.
51:14
The reason why it's not odd is because you already have a doll collection.
51:19
I've done this before.
51:20
I'm experienced.
51:21
He goes on to say, okay, so however you're comfortable, the Italian doll is Lydia.
51:27
The Christmas Barbie is Anastasia.
51:29
The spacecraft Barbie is Taylor.
51:34
I got this guy to name the Barbie he's trying to sell and one of the Barbies his name is
51:39
Taylor, which is our email name.
51:43
He didn't have enough imagination to come up with three Barbie names.
51:48
He just named one Barbie after what he thinks our name is.
51:52
I go on to say, ah, one has the same name as me.
51:57
That's so sweet.
51:58
How old is she?
51:59
She is now my new favorite and will pay double for her.
52:04
He's like, this guy is a cash cow.
52:11
He goes on to say, great.
52:12
Glad you have three new friends.
52:14
She's 40 years old.
52:17
So when you so when can you come get the dolls this evening?
52:23
So your name is Taylor.
52:25
You're 38 years old.
52:27
He makes up a doll also named Taylor who is 40 years old.
52:30
He goes, I'm just trying to relate to whoever is on the other side of this computer.
52:37
I go on to say 40 years old question mark.
52:41
She doesn't look at like a day over 19.
52:43
I usually don't go for women older than 20.
52:46
Too many wrinkles.
52:48
Does she have wrinkles?
52:54
I don't know why I'm trying to compliment the doll in this situation like you would
52:57
compliment an old lady.
52:59
Like 40, she doesn't like a day over 19.
53:01
Your fake person is the creepiest thing I've seen in a long time.
53:07
Taylor lol.
53:08
This is an imaginative conversation.
53:10
Let's leave this as she's a she's had cosmetic surgery lol.
53:15
You can see she doesn't have wrinkles.
53:17
When can you pick up the doll?
53:20
They're very much just trying to get out of this situation.
53:23
He knows he has somebody hooked.
53:25
And the thing is he can't let you go because you already offered to pay double for one.
53:29
He's losing money if he lets you go.
53:32
I go on to say I just like to know who I'm getting involved with.
53:36
Plus I need to know what their personalities are beforehand to make sure they will get
53:40
along with the others.
53:42
I'm sure you can understand.
53:46
So here I am trying to relate to him thinking that he probably tries to match up personalities
53:52
of dolls with his other dolls.
53:55
I go on to say I can pick them up tonight but it has to be dark.
54:03
He responds with the simple question of why does it have to be dark?
54:12
That's what's got him worried.
54:13
I go on to say so they can't see.
54:17
I want it to be a surprise to Lydia, Anastasia and my sweet Taylor to see where they are
54:23
going their new home.
54:26
If you would like I can give you some visitation time to see them once they have moved in with
54:31
me.
54:32
I'm sure you've grown attached to them.
54:35
Like he wants to play out a kidnapping situation.
54:39
He goes on to say it's fine.
54:43
We have said our goodbyes.
54:44
They have outgrown me.
54:46
Does 8 p.m. work for you?
54:48
And then he immediately messages after that message and says do you have cash out?
54:53
I go on to say to that message that's sad to see a relationship get stale like that.
54:57
It has happened to me with a couple of mine.
55:00
I don't give them to someone else though.
55:02
They are mine internally and they can never leave.
55:07
How about 10?
55:08
Also is it okay if I play music when I pick them up?
55:12
I am one for ceremony and sentiment.
55:16
He goes on to say that's fine.
55:17
No problem.
55:18
Do you have cash out?
55:20
I go on to say can I pay you in cash?
55:22
I don't want to record a record of this.
55:28
Have you removed them from the box?
55:29
He goes to say no they are still in the box and opened.
55:34
Okay I guess cash is fine but no 50s or 100.
55:37
So it's 160 and I'll see you at 10 p.m. sharp.
55:40
I don't like waiting outside.
55:42
I'll see you on 63rd street and 18th Avenue in Brooklyn.
55:46
Why does he only want small bills?
55:50
I go on to say this is what I look like.
55:53
I will be wearing a shirt though.
55:55
You can show them the pictures so they get to know me before I arrive.
55:58
I won't keep you waiting.
56:00
I never keep my best friends waiting.
56:07
So tell me what you are looking at.
56:09
What picture did I send this guy?
56:11
A large shirtless man in very tight boxers.
56:17
Does it look like a guy that would buy three or four dolls off of somebody on Craigslist?
56:25
I could see it.
56:26
A little bit yeah.
56:29
But he doesn't really think of them as dolls he thinks of them as best friends.
56:33
And he definitely has more than just those four.
56:35
He comes back and says Taylor are you serious about meeting for the dolls tonight?
56:40
I'm packing them up for you now.
56:42
They are still meeting you.
56:44
Please let me know either way.
56:48
And I didn't respond.
56:50
And he sends a series of question marks.
56:53
And then another message saying are you there question mark question mark.
56:56
And that was the last time I responded.
56:59
So the last message I sent to him was just a picture of a fat guy in the bathroom taking
57:04
a selfie and that was it.
57:06
Is it at 9pm R time?
57:08
Central time?
57:09
Yeah central.
57:10
So that was 10 his time?
57:13
Oh yeah I didn't even think about that.
57:17
He said are you there at 10.01 his time.
57:20
There's some guy in Brooklyn with $160.
57:23
Looking for this guy.
57:26
There's just a guy.
57:27
That guy lives in Brooklyn and he sees him out on the street.
57:32
That poor guy is sitting out on 116th street with a series of dolls and waiting for $160.
57:42
He was putting up with quite a lot to get these dolls off his hands.
57:45
He didn't care what I said.
57:47
He just wanted money.
57:48
Should we reply now and say yes?
57:50
Did you not make it?
57:51
I didn't see you.
57:53
I'm still waiting.
57:54
I'm here where are you?
57:55
I didn't see you.
57:57
From June 16th 2022 in March of 2023 and I say where are you I don't see you.
58:06
Yeah reply to him be like I'm on the corner.
58:10
Now you made it to the corners.
58:14
Evan responded just now did you make it to the corner of 63rd and 18th I don't see you.
58:21
This is months later.
58:23
Almost a full year.
58:28
But alright boys that's it.
58:30
Maybe we'll get a response to him but we're done for the day.
58:33
Go on with your lives.
58:35
Respect the detour.