Latest / My Sexy Menopause Body / Your Perfect Dating Profile Starts Here

Transcript

Your Perfect Dating Profile Starts Here · My Sexy Menopause Body

0:01
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to my sexy menopause body, not just a podcast, but a movement.
0:07
SPEAKER_00: Menopause isn't something to dread.
0:09
SPEAKER_00: It's something to own with strength, confidence, and yes, sexiness.
0:15
SPEAKER_00: Because menopause doesn't mean fading into the background, it means stepping fully into who we are.
0:22
SPEAKER_00: And now here's your host, Kim Nicholson.
0:26
SPEAKER_00: Let's get started.
0:41
SPEAKER_01: You know, most women are not struggling with the dating apps.
0:44
SPEAKER_01: They're really not.
0:45
SPEAKER_01: You know what they're struggling with?
0:47
SPEAKER_01: With how they show up on them.
0:50
SPEAKER_01: Because they sit down to write a profile and then begin to think, how do I make someone like me on my profile?
1:00
SPEAKER_01: And that right there is the mistake.
1:03
SPEAKER_01: Because your profile is not here to make you make everybody like you.
1:08
SPEAKER_01: It is here to help the right person recognize you.
1:14
SPEAKER_01: And that wrong person just keep on moving.
1:18
SPEAKER_01: That is the part so many w women miss.
1:22
SPEAKER_01: They think that the goal is to get more attention, but it's not.
1:26
SPEAKER_01: They think it's to get more likes or more messages, more men, I don't know, showing interest.
1:34
SPEAKER_01: But believe me, more attention is not always better.
1:40
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes more attention just means more sorting, more confusion, more conversations that go absolutely nowhere.
1:48
SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
1:49
SPEAKER_01: More men who are not aligned with who you are or what you want or how you want to be treated, that's just a waste of time.
1:58
SPEAKER_01: It can be very exhausting very quickly.
2:02
SPEAKER_01: So today I want to help you approach your dating profile differently.
2:08
SPEAKER_01: Not as a performance, it's not a resume, it's not even a sales pitch.
2:13
SPEAKER_01: But think of it this way: as a filter.
2:17
SPEAKER_01: Because your profile is not your chance to be liked by everyone.
2:20
SPEAKER_01: It is your chance to be recognized by the right person.
2:24
SPEAKER_01: And if you miss that, you will just get the wrong matches time and time again.
2:29
SPEAKER_01: You may get the wrong experiences time and time again.
2:34
SPEAKER_01: Does that sound familiar?
2:35
SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to my sexy menopause body, and this is Kim Nicholson, and this is uh part of our dating series.
2:42
SPEAKER_01: And today we're talking about something that seems kind of simple on the surface, but is actually one of the most important parts of dating.
2:51
SPEAKER_01: It's that weeding out of the people you don't need in your life.
2:56
SPEAKER_01: So the important thing we're talking about today is your profile because this is going to be your first introduction.
3:03
SPEAKER_01: This is your first impression.
3:05
SPEAKER_01: This is your first moment of being seen again.
3:08
SPEAKER_01: And if you've been out there dating in the dating world for years or even decades, this can feel very strange.
3:16
SPEAKER_01: Almost as if you're trying to put your entire life into a few photos and a few paragraphs.
3:23
SPEAKER_01: I've been there.
3:24
SPEAKER_01: I know.
3:25
SPEAKER_01: Actually, I've been there twice, so I know exactly what you're going through.
3:29
SPEAKER_01: I remember sitting there thinking, how do I even begin?
3:35
SPEAKER_01: I mean, what do I say about myself?
3:38
SPEAKER_01: And what do I leave out?
3:40
SPEAKER_01: And to be honest, it felt like writing a resume for my personality or a job.
3:49
SPEAKER_01: And I know that I'm not the only woman who has felt this way.
3:53
SPEAKER_01: I have several girlfriends who are currently on or have been on a dating app, and they feel the exact same way.
4:00
SPEAKER_01: Because when you have lived a full life like we have, when you're dating in your 50s and beyond 60s, 70s, doesn't matter.
4:09
SPEAKER_01: How in the world do you shrink that down into a dating profile?
4:13
SPEAKER_01: Huh?
4:14
SPEAKER_01: How do you sound interesting without sounding like you're trying too hard, right?
4:19
SPEAKER_01: How do you sound open without sounding desperate?
4:22
SPEAKER_01: Or how do you sound confident without sounding, I don't know, guarded?
4:26
SPEAKER_01: How do you tell the truth about giving strangers access to every private part of your life?
4:33
SPEAKER_01: So that's what we're talking about today.
4:35
SPEAKER_01: You don't want to miss this episode.
4:37
SPEAKER_01: And make sure you also send it on to a friend who's currently finding herself into this particular situation as well.
4:45
SPEAKER_01: Because before the first message and before that first date, before anything begins, there is this quiet moment where you sit down and try to decide how you're going to show up.
5:01
SPEAKER_01: And believe me, it can feel so freaking awkward.
5:06
SPEAKER_01: It can feel also vulnerable.
5:09
SPEAKER_01: And like I said, it can feel like a resume or a sales pitch, and and and and you're risking it all at the same time.
5:17
SPEAKER_01: So, what I want to do today is to change the your approach to writing your profile completely.
5:23
SPEAKER_01: Because here's what I want you to understand before we go further.
5:26
SPEAKER_01: Your dating profile is not a performance.
5:31
SPEAKER_01: It's not a performance.
5:33
SPEAKER_01: It is a filter.
5:35
SPEAKER_01: And once you understand that, everything changes.
5:39
SPEAKER_01: The goal is not, like I said, more matches, the goal is better matches.
5:44
SPEAKER_01: Let me say that again.
5:45
SPEAKER_01: The goal is not more matches, the goal is better matches.
5:52
SPEAKER_01: Because when you because when you write to be chosen, you may attract attention, and I'm sure you will.
5:59
SPEAKER_01: But when you write something from clarity, you attract alignment.
6:04
SPEAKER_01: And those are not the same thing.
6:06
SPEAKER_01: Attention can feel good at the moment, and alignment feels peaceful.
6:12
SPEAKER_01: Attention can be loud.
6:14
SPEAKER_01: Alignment feels steady.
6:17
SPEAKER_01: Attention can make you feel like, uh, okay, maybe I still have it after 30 years.
6:25
SPEAKER_01: But alignment makes you feel like, okay, this feels like something I actually want to explore.
6:32
SPEAKER_01: And there's a big difference.
6:34
SPEAKER_01: Most women don't realize this, but when they start writing their profile from pressure, pressure to sound appealing, or pressure to sound youthful, or pressure to say the right thing, pressure to seem fun, but not too available, pressure to seem confident, but not too intimidating, pressure to feel independent, but not closed off.
6:53
SPEAKER_01: You know, so what comes out is something safe, generic, or polished, and you know what, slightly disconnected from who they really are now.
7:03
SPEAKER_01: They soften their edges, they generalize, they say things like, I love to travel, or I enjoy having fun, or I like to laugh.
7:14
SPEAKER_01: I've seen them, I've seen people write those things.
7:18
SPEAKER_01: I'm not making fun of them.
7:19
SPEAKER_01: I'm just saying that's not the right way to write your profile.
7:23
SPEAKER_01: And why all those things may be true?
7:26
SPEAKER_01: You like travel, you like fun, you like to laugh.
7:28
SPEAKER_01: It tells someone almost, guess what?
7:31
SPEAKER_01: Nothing, nothing about yourself.
7:34
SPEAKER_01: Because it can almost describe almost anyone, right?
7:37
SPEAKER_01: I mean, who doesn't like to travel?
7:38
SPEAKER_01: Who doesn't like to have fun?
7:39
SPEAKER_01: Who doesn't like to laugh?
7:41
SPEAKER_01: Everybody likes to do that.
7:43
SPEAKER_01: So, and when you want to attract everyone, you have to sort through everything.
7:50
SPEAKER_01: And it's exhausting, and you don't want to do that.
7:54
SPEAKER_01: So, I don't want you to become exhausted before you even get into the right first conversation.
8:00
SPEAKER_01: So, I want you clear-headed because when you write from pressure, you attract people who respond to performance and not truth.
8:08
SPEAKER_01: So, what if instead you wrote from clarity?
8:11
SPEAKER_01: You know, not who you were 20 years ago, and that is huge.
8:16
SPEAKER_01: Do not write who you were 20 years ago, not who you had to be during a difficult season.
8:23
SPEAKER_01: Nobody wants to hear that.
8:24
SPEAKER_01: You can you can uh divulge that information later on during the dating uh season, but right now you don't want to just kind of regurgitate everything from 20 years or 30 years ago.
8:38
SPEAKER_01: And you also you don't want to think about the man you who who you used to date 20 years ago as well, because you know what?
8:48
SPEAKER_01: You are who you are right now, and you are a woman who has lived, you are a woman who has learned, you're a woman who has changed, you're a woman has who has grown.
8:58
SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
8:58
SPEAKER_01: You don't need to prove anything.
9:00
SPEAKER_01: And that is the energy I want you to pro you to bring to your profile.
9:05
SPEAKER_01: So not, I don't want you to have the attitude, not please choose me, choose me.
9:10
SPEAKER_01: But this is who I am, and I am open to being recognized by someone who is aligned with that.
9:18
SPEAKER_01: That's a very different energy, and you know what?
9:20
SPEAKER_01: Men can feel it.
9:21
SPEAKER_01: They may not have a language for it, they may say, Oh, this woman has written from clarity, but they can feel when something is real.
9:31
SPEAKER_01: And when you write from clarity, you're writing from a place that's real.
9:36
SPEAKER_01: And they can also feel when something or someone is trying too hard.
9:40
SPEAKER_01: You don't want to sound desperate either.
9:42
SPEAKER_01: So, what I want you to think about your profile, so I want you to think about your profile completely different, not as some something you just put out there, but as something, someone that opens slowly.
9:54
SPEAKER_01: I think about um, I kind of look at it like a lotus flower, you know.
9:59
SPEAKER_01: I love this image because it is so beautiful and so wise.
10:04
SPEAKER_01: A lotus flower is not closed, right?
10:06
SPEAKER_01: It's not hiding, it's not hard, it's simply revealing itself with wisdom.
10:13
SPEAKER_01: And it doesn't throw every single petal open at once, it opens gradually.
10:18
SPEAKER_01: And that is how I want you to think about your profile.
10:21
SPEAKER_01: And you do not have to give everything at once, and you do not have to explain your whole life.
10:27
SPEAKER_01: Please don't do that.
10:29
SPEAKER_01: And you do not have to hand strangers every detail about your past or your finances.
10:36
SPEAKER_01: Oh, don't go there.
10:38
SPEAKER_01: Not yet.
10:40
SPEAKER_01: Or your family.
10:41
SPEAKER_01: Be limited on what you say about your family or your accomplishments.
10:46
SPEAKER_01: This again, this is not your resume, or your deep wounds, or your disappointments, or your dreams.
10:54
SPEAKER_01: You allow someone to discover you over time, like that lotus flower.
10:59
SPEAKER_01: And that shift alone protects your energy in a way that most women don't realize.
11:04
SPEAKER_01: Because sometimes women over 50 feel like, you know, we have to prove our worth.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: So they start choosing or putting everything in their profile, everything they have done, everything that they've overcome, everything that they've built, everything that makes them impressive.
11:19
SPEAKER_01: And I want to say this gently but clearly: you do not need to put your whole life resume in your dating profile.
11:27
SPEAKER_01: Your profile, you know what it is?
11:28
SPEAKER_01: Look at it as an introduction, not an autobiography.
11:33
SPEAKER_01: And it's not the place where you prove your self-worth.
11:36
SPEAKER_01: You have already lived your worth.
11:38
SPEAKER_01: You do not need to list every successful thing that you've done in your life to convince a man that you're valuable.
11:45
SPEAKER_01: If you were a college cheerleader, great.
11:48
SPEAKER_01: That may sound like a fun thing to share later.
11:52
SPEAKER_01: If you build a business, wonderful.
11:55
SPEAKER_01: If you've raised children through a difficult season, that matters.
12:00
SPEAKER_01: If you're financially independent, that is something to be proud of.
12:05
SPEAKER_01: If you're a CEO of a company and you have had a powerful career and you have done well for yourself, that's a part of your story.
12:13
SPEAKER_01: But it doesn't all need to be in your profile, does it?
12:17
SPEAKER_01: Not because you are hiding, because you are discerning.
12:20
SPEAKER_01: There's a difference.
12:21
SPEAKER_01: Hiding comes from fear, discernment comes from wisdom.
12:25
SPEAKER_01: And wisdom says not everyone gets access to me right in the very beginning, right away.
12:31
SPEAKER_01: Wisdom says I can reveal myself slowly.
12:34
SPEAKER_01: Wisdom says I can be honest without being overexposed.
12:38
SPEAKER_01: And especially when it comes to money, I want you to be careful.
12:42
SPEAKER_01: If you are successful financially, which I'm sure you are, you do not need to disclose that in your profile.
12:49
SPEAKER_01: Because who are you going to attract?
12:51
SPEAKER_01: Think about that.
12:52
SPEAKER_01: When you say that, who's come who's going to be going, oh my gosh, I got a sugar mama right here.
12:57
SPEAKER_01: You don't want that in your life.
12:58
SPEAKER_01: You don't want any more mistakes in your life.
13:00
SPEAKER_01: You want a beautiful life.
13:02
SPEAKER_01: You don't need to mention your income.
13:03
SPEAKER_01: You don't need to mention your assets.
13:06
SPEAKER_01: You don't need to mention what you own.
13:08
SPEAKER_01: You don't need to mention any of your investments.
13:11
SPEAKER_01: You don't even need to describe your lifestyle in a way that leads with money because you don't want to trigger the wrong motivation.
13:19
SPEAKER_01: You don't want someone looking at your profile goal and thinking, ah, she can take care of me.
13:25
SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness, what a mistake that is.
13:28
SPEAKER_01: You don't want to attract a man who is looking to upgrade his lifestyle or a caretaker, or, like I said, a sugar mama.
13:36
SPEAKER_01: You don't want to become that.
13:38
SPEAKER_01: You want someone who is interested in you, not what you can provide.
13:43
SPEAKER_01: And so, yes, you can be accomplished.
13:45
SPEAKER_01: Yes, you can be successful.
13:48
SPEAKER_01: Yes, you may have built a beautiful life, but lead with the feeling of your life, not the inventory of it.
13:56
SPEAKER_01: There's a big difference between saying, I'm a successful CEO, especially I'm financially independent, or I own several properties and have traveled the world, and saying I've built a full life that I'm proud of.
14:11
SPEAKER_01: I'm, you know, and I'm open to sharing time and laughter and new experiences with the right man.
14:17
SPEAKER_01: Do you feel the difference?
14:19
SPEAKER_01: There's a big difference.
14:20
SPEAKER_01: I'm a successful CEO.
14:22
SPEAKER_01: I built a life I'm proud of.
14:24
SPEAKER_01: I'm financially independent and own several properties.
14:27
SPEAKER_01: I'm open to sharing time, good times, laughter, and new experiences with the right man.
14:34
SPEAKER_01: Do you feel that difference?
14:36
SPEAKER_01: There's a huge difference there.
14:37
SPEAKER_01: The first one gives strangers too much information too soon.
14:42
SPEAKER_01: The second one, well, kind of communicates confidence without handing over the keys to the whole house.
14:48
SPEAKER_01: You don't want to do that.
14:50
SPEAKER_01: And that is what I mean by the lotus flower.
14:53
SPEAKER_01: Think like a lotus flower.
14:55
SPEAKER_01: Open enough to be seen, wise enough to reveal slowly.
15:01
SPEAKER_01: The same is true with the things from your past.
15:04
SPEAKER_01: If you're a college cheerleader, that may have been uh, you know, a really fun part of your story.
15:08
SPEAKER_01: I know I was, but at 50, 60, or beyond, you know what?
15:12
SPEAKER_01: That is not the most important thing about you.
15:16
SPEAKER_01: That's something you can share much later.
15:19
SPEAKER_01: It may come up later, it may not.
15:21
SPEAKER_01: It may be a cute story, it may be something or a reason why you, you know, you still love movement or you're very active or you're very fit, why you have always had that active side.
15:33
SPEAKER_01: But your profile does not need to lean on who you were decades ago, okay, to prove that you are desirable now.
15:41
SPEAKER_01: So instead of saying something, I was a college cheerleader and still look great for my age.
15:46
SPEAKER_01: I actually saw that in a woman's profile.
15:49
SPEAKER_01: You might say, I've always had this active side, and I still feel best when I'm exercising or hiking, when I'm laughing, or when I'm taking care of myself.
16:01
SPEAKER_01: That is present.
16:02
SPEAKER_01: That's you right now.
16:04
SPEAKER_01: That is real.
16:05
SPEAKER_01: And that does not make you sound like you're trying to convince someone that the past version of you is still the main event because you are the woman you are now, and you know what?
16:14
SPEAKER_01: You are the main event right now.
16:17
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
16:19
SPEAKER_01: For now, put that away.
16:21
SPEAKER_01: The next thing I want to talk about is photos.
16:28
SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness, photos.
16:31
SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness.
16:32
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you've gone in and into a dating app and looked at people's photos.
16:36
SPEAKER_01: I know usually you just go in and you look at men's photos, but uh you can take a peek at some of the women's photos too, and sometimes it can be hilarious.
16:47
SPEAKER_01: Remember those glamour shots what back in the 80s?
16:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I have actually seen women look like those are glamour shots that they still post.
16:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's it's funny, it's hilarious.
16:59
SPEAKER_01: So, because you don't want to show what you look like in the past, you know, you want to show who you are, you want to create trust, and this is where things can quietly go wrong.
17:11
SPEAKER_01: Sorry, I can't help but laugh because I have seen some hilarious photos.
17:17
SPEAKER_01: Oh, so I'm gonna say this gently but honestly using those glamour shots or those outdated photos, or here's the other one: heavily filtered photos.
17:29
SPEAKER_01: Come on, people.
17:31
SPEAKER_01: This day and age, we can tell when your photos are filtered, all right?
17:36
SPEAKER_01: Or photos that just don't reflect who you are today.
17:39
SPEAKER_01: You know what?
17:40
SPEAKER_01: That's not gonna help you.
17:42
SPEAKER_01: It's actually setting you up for a very uncomfortable moment later.
17:47
SPEAKER_01: Because guess what?
17:48
SPEAKER_01: Eventually you're gonna have to meet face to face with that person if they're interested.
17:54
SPEAKER_01: And the goal is not for someone to be ah, surprised.
18:00
SPEAKER_01: The goal is for someone to feel, yeah, that is exactly who I thought I was meeting.
18:08
SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
18:09
SPEAKER_01: When you have a photo of who you actually are, that's really where trust begins.
18:13
SPEAKER_01: And isn't that what you want to lead with in a relationship?
18:17
SPEAKER_01: That's where safety begins.
18:19
SPEAKER_01: That's where your connection begins.
18:21
SPEAKER_01: So choose a current, over flattering but outdated, or if you choose one that's over-filtered, or you choose confidence over perfection, you're you want a clear, you don't want that.
18:36
SPEAKER_01: You want a clear photo where your face is visible and you want a full-body photo that reflects your confidence and not perfection.
18:44
SPEAKER_01: Not nobody is perfect.
18:46
SPEAKER_01: You want a lifestyle photo that shows something really up real about your life.
18:52
SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
18:53
SPEAKER_01: Those professional photos, they're fine.
18:55
SPEAKER_01: Everyone knows that they're professional photos, so obviously we all want to put our best foot forward.
19:02
SPEAKER_01: So professional photos are fine, but mix them up.
19:06
SPEAKER_01: All right.
19:06
SPEAKER_01: I'm not saying that you can't use a beautiful photo of yourself.
19:10
SPEAKER_01: No, that's silly.
19:11
SPEAKER_01: You use the beautiful photo, use the good lighting.
19:14
SPEAKER_01: I will tell you, lighting makes a heck of a difference.
19:18
SPEAKER_01: Even when I'm doing my social media, it makes a huge difference, whether it's video or whether it's a photograph.
19:26
SPEAKER_01: Lighting is key.
19:27
SPEAKER_01: So use the photo where you feel good.
19:30
SPEAKER_01: So choose a photo where you say, Yeah, I look good and I feel good.
19:33
SPEAKER_01: I feel like this represents me, but it still needs to feel like you, not a version of you that only exists in, you know, the exact perfect light or the exact perfect angle, and the filter that makes you feel like you have no pores at all or no wrinkles.
19:50
SPEAKER_01: Come on.
19:52
SPEAKER_01: Really, just don't do that.
19:54
SPEAKER_01: Because, you know, we've all heard those stories.
19:57
SPEAKER_01: And I've actually experienced this this one man that I had met posted these photos of his of him of himself and his body.
20:05
SPEAKER_01: And when I saw him, he didn't look anything like his photos.
20:08
SPEAKER_01: And so I asked him about it.
20:10
SPEAKER_01: He goes, Oh, that was a photo from yeah, maybe eight, ten years ago.
20:14
SPEAKER_01: I called BS on that.
20:16
SPEAKER_01: That photo must have been taken like 15, 18 years ago, because there's no way he looked like that just 10 years ago.
20:27
SPEAKER_01: So that height that somehow grew two inches, you know, or your body that had all these wonderful bulging muscles.
20:35
SPEAKER_01: Be real.
20:36
SPEAKER_01: Be real with your photos.
20:38
SPEAKER_01: And that active lifestyle that turns out to be watching golf on TV.
20:42
SPEAKER_01: So don't pretend that you're somebody that you are you aren't, or somebody that you used to be.
20:48
SPEAKER_01: If you're not active and you know, you're not the sit around and have a photo of you watching TV.
20:56
SPEAKER_01: But don't lie about yourself who you are today.
20:59
SPEAKER_01: And and you know what?
21:00
SPEAKER_01: Because underneath those photos is something that's really important.
21:04
SPEAKER_01: It's you being authentic and real.
21:06
SPEAKER_01: And so when your photos match your present day, everything just feels easier.
21:12
SPEAKER_01: You don't have to like be nervous about what he or she is going to say when they see you for the first time.
21:19
SPEAKER_01: Because you're not walking into a date wondering if he's going to notice the difference between you now and you in those glamour shots.
21:30
SPEAKER_01: You're you don't want to be bracing for any kind of disappointment, and you don't want to start from a place of anxiety.
21:37
SPEAKER_01: You're just really what you really want to do is just simply show up as a woman you know, he already saw in the pictures.
21:42
SPEAKER_01: That is powerful.
21:44
SPEAKER_01: So, okay.
21:46
SPEAKER_01: I can't stop laughing with the photo one.
21:48
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I swear to God, if you ever go into some of those apps, just look.
21:51
SPEAKER_01: I know somebody on social media posts some of those pictures and they're hilarious.
21:55
SPEAKER_01: But what I want to move on to let's talk about words because this is.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: Is where you shift from being generic to memorable.
22:04
SPEAKER_01: Okay, because I want to be careful here because sometimes profile advice can sound cheesy, and I don't want to sound cheesy.
22:09
SPEAKER_01: I really want you to have a successful profile.
22:13
SPEAKER_01: So you know what I mean.
22:14
SPEAKER_01: It sounds like, you know, you don't want to sound like a greeting card or the perfect dating article or like someone who's trying to sound breezy and romantic, but not actually sounding like a real person at all.
22:25
SPEAKER_01: Your words should sound like you, not a grading card, not that resume, not a performance.
22:30
SPEAKER_01: It should sound like you, the real woman you are.
22:33
SPEAKER_01: So instead of saying something, let's go back to what we were saying before.
22:36
SPEAKER_01: I love to travel and have fun.
22:38
SPEAKER_01: I see that's so common.
22:39
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that has got to be the number one thing that people put on their profile.
22:42
SPEAKER_01: But say something that reflects your life now.
22:45
SPEAKER_01: And if that's what it is, then go ahead and put it.
22:49
SPEAKER_01: But you want to have something that shows your rhythm or your energy or your real life preferences.
22:55
SPEAKER_01: So say something like, you know, I like having something on the calendar, even if it's a weekend, get away.
23:01
SPEAKER_01: Or a good meal in or out, or a place I've never walked through before.
23:07
SPEAKER_01: You know, something that's a little interesting that says more, and that feels so much more human.
23:12
SPEAKER_01: It gives someone something to respond to instead of saying, oh yeah, I like to laugh too.
23:18
SPEAKER_01: Um, because honestly, you know what?
23:20
SPEAKER_01: Who doesn't like to laugh, right?
23:21
SPEAKER_01: You might say, I'm drawn to a man who can be honest without being harsh and funny without needing to be the center of attention.
23:29
SPEAKER_01: Hmm, I like that.
23:30
SPEAKER_01: That tells me something about him.
23:32
SPEAKER_01: That tells me something about what kind of energy he has.
23:36
SPEAKER_01: That tells me something, you know, about the kind of man that feels good to you.
23:40
SPEAKER_01: So instead of saying, I'm looking for my best friend, oh my gosh, talk about cheesy.
23:46
SPEAKER_01: You might say, I'd like a relationship that feels easy to return to.
23:51
SPEAKER_01: Good conversation, mutual respect, mutual attraction, and enough space for both of us to have full lives.
23:59
SPEAKER_01: That's grown up.
24:00
SPEAKER_01: That's clear.
24:01
SPEAKER_01: That is not silly, and that's not trying too hard.
24:04
SPEAKER_01: It's saying something real.
24:06
SPEAKER_01: It's actually it creates a connection, doesn't it?
24:10
SPEAKER_01: Uh, and you don't have to overshare.
24:13
SPEAKER_01: That is the balance.
24:14
SPEAKER_01: You want to give enough that someone can feel you or understand your energy or almost imagine you, but not too much that that stranger, because that's really what you're doing, that stranger has access to all of you before he's even earned it.
24:32
SPEAKER_01: And before you write your own profile, I want you to actually do something.
24:37
SPEAKER_01: And I did this, and I'm telling you, this is where I am still laughing from.
24:41
SPEAKER_01: Go read other people's profiles.
24:44
SPEAKER_01: I'm not asking you to copy them.
24:46
SPEAKER_01: No, no, no.
24:48
SPEAKER_01: Do not copy those resumes, excuse me, profiles, but read them to train your eye.
24:56
SPEAKER_01: Read them so you feel you know what feels authentic and genuine.
25:02
SPEAKER_01: Read them so you know what feels fake and phony.
25:05
SPEAKER_01: Read them so you know what feels warm.
25:09
SPEAKER_01: And look at what feels bitter or what puts a pit in your stomach.
25:13
SPEAKER_01: Look at what makes you curious about someone.
25:17
SPEAKER_01: Or look at some of those profiles that make you think, ah, they're kind of suspicious of them.
25:24
SPEAKER_01: Read 10 or 15 profiles.
25:27
SPEAKER_01: At least that's your homework assignment.
25:28
SPEAKER_01: Read 10 or 15 profiles.
25:31
SPEAKER_01: Read women's profiles, read men's profiles, um, and then ask yourself a few of these questions.
25:37
SPEAKER_01: Would I want to have coffee with that person?
25:39
SPEAKER_01: Hmm.
25:40
SPEAKER_01: Does that sound like a real human being?
25:42
SPEAKER_01: Or does it sound like a list of, you know, what safe cliches or Hallmark cards that I opened up?
25:49
SPEAKER_01: Do I get a sense of how this person lives?
25:51
SPEAKER_01: Do I get a sense of how this person can communicate with me?
25:55
SPEAKER_01: Because I mean, that's huge.
25:57
SPEAKER_01: Does this profile invite connection?
25:59
SPEAKER_01: Or does it feel closed off?
26:02
SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
26:03
SPEAKER_01: Once you start reading them, and I I really do mean to read 10, 15, even more, you're gonna start to notice patterns.
26:11
SPEAKER_01: For example, a phony or a generic profile might say, This is true again.
26:16
SPEAKER_01: I love to laugh, I love to travel, I love to go out, I love to stay in, I enjoy life.
26:24
SPEAKER_01: Looking for someone honest, loyal, and no drama.
26:28
SPEAKER_01: Now, none of that is terrible in itself, but it could almost mean anyone, right?
26:34
SPEAKER_01: And no drama sounds like frustration.
26:37
SPEAKER_01: It signals that you may be writing from past disappointment instead of your present clarity that you have today.
26:43
SPEAKER_01: So a more grounded version of that may sound like I like a life with some movement, some quiet, and something to look forward to.
26:51
SPEAKER_01: I'm drawn to a man who, you know, follows through and communicates clearly and can still laugh when plans change.
26:57
SPEAKER_01: Do you hear the difference between those two?
26:59
SPEAKER_01: It's not more complicated, it's just more real.
27:02
SPEAKER_01: And another profile that I uh I have seen is I am successful, I am classy and I'm intelligent, and I'm looking for a high-quality gentleman who knows how to treat a lady.
27:16
SPEAKER_01: I actually wrote that down because no, it wasn't mine.
27:19
SPEAKER_01: Believe me, it's not mine.
27:21
SPEAKER_01: I wrote it down because I can't believe somebody actually wrote that.
27:23
SPEAKER_01: And again, like I said, all of that may be true.
27:27
SPEAKER_01: That's awesome, but it feels so guarded.
27:30
SPEAKER_01: It can feel a little like transactional, it feels like a like a wall.
27:35
SPEAKER_01: So make it a little warmer and say something like, Well, I built a life I'm proud of, and I enjoy sharing, you know, good conversation, simple plans, and real consistency with someone, you know what, who's emotionally grown up.
27:51
SPEAKER_01: That keeps the standard, but it softens the delivery a little bit.
27:55
SPEAKER_01: It sounds like a woman who you actually want to talk to, and that matters.
28:01
SPEAKER_01: And here's another exercise that I love ask someone else to write your profile first.
28:07
SPEAKER_01: I did this.
28:08
SPEAKER_01: My girlfriend Ludley.
28:10
SPEAKER_01: Um, when I told her that I was doing this, she was like, let's have a martini and let's write your profile together.
28:19
SPEAKER_01: Well, I actually had her write it first while I was sipping my martini.
28:25
SPEAKER_01: But remember, it's not that that whatever that you know profile is going to be written by your girlfriend.
28:31
SPEAKER_01: It's not that that's gonna be the final version.
28:33
SPEAKER_01: But you know, sometimes it makes it easier to kind of see how other people see us.
28:40
SPEAKER_01: You know, they can see us more clearly sometimes than we can see ourselves.
28:43
SPEAKER_01: And if you have, you know, a really trusted friend like I do of Ludley or a sister, or I mean, I've had girlfriends who even had their adult children kind of help out with this.
28:54
SPEAKER_01: But someone who knows you really well, and and then say, like, you know, would you write five to seven honest sentences about what you think makes me a good partner?
29:03
SPEAKER_01: You know, don't make it fancy or anything, don't make it sound like a tribute speech or a eulogy.
29:09
SPEAKER_01: Just tell me, just tell the truth.
29:11
SPEAKER_01: And then take what they write and look for what feels true about you.
29:17
SPEAKER_01: You know, maybe even like take your highlighter and you know, highlight the words that make you think, yeah, you know what, that is me.
29:23
SPEAKER_01: And then remove what sounds too polished, remove what sounds outdated, remove what sounds like something you would never say about yourself, and then add your own personal twist.
29:34
SPEAKER_01: For example, someone who loves uh may write, you know, uh, her girlfriend may write she is kind, loyal, funny, and strong, beautiful on the inside and out, deserves someone who treats her like a queen.
29:46
SPEAKER_01: Well, you know what?
29:47
SPEAKER_01: That's really sweet.
29:48
SPEAKER_01: But guess what?
29:49
SPEAKER_01: Again, it goes back to my original point.
29:51
SPEAKER_01: It's too general.
29:52
SPEAKER_01: It sounds like someone would write that at a birthday card, and you don't want that.
29:58
SPEAKER_01: So a different version of that would be like I'm loyal, steady, and I'm pretty good at finding humor in everyday life.
30:06
SPEAKER_01: I'm not looking for someone to rescue me or complete me.
30:10
SPEAKER_01: I'd like a man who is kind, consistent, emotionally grown, and still curious about life.
30:19
SPEAKER_01: You hear how that feels different than the other one?
30:22
SPEAKER_01: It still feels warm, but it has shape, it has standards, it has a real voice, and this is what I want for you.
30:28
SPEAKER_01: Not perfect words, true, authentic, genuine words.
30:32
SPEAKER_01: So let's go on to the next one.
30:34
SPEAKER_01: Somebody asked me, Well, do you talk about children in your profile?
30:38
SPEAKER_01: Because this is a question many women have.
30:41
SPEAKER_01: Do I mention my children?
30:42
SPEAKER_01: The answer is yes, but with intention.
30:47
SPEAKER_01: You don't need to explain everything.
30:49
SPEAKER_01: You don't need to tell their story.
30:52
SPEAKER_01: You don't need to make your profile about being a mother.
30:56
SPEAKER_01: But if your children are a part of your life, and they are, you can acknowledge that in a grounded, simple way by saying something like, My adult children are an important part of my life.
31:06
SPEAKER_01: And I also value my independence and connection.
31:09
SPEAKER_01: That tells the truth about with oversharing.
31:12
SPEAKER_01: Or my family matters to me, and I've also created a life that has room for companionship, fun, and something new.
31:19
SPEAKER_01: That is beautiful because it honors your family, right?
31:22
SPEAKER_01: But it also opens up space for a man in your life.
31:28
SPEAKER_01: And that balance does matter because sometimes women unintentionally write profiles that say, My kids are home, my whole world.
31:34
SPEAKER_01: And so what I'm really saying to you is that there may not be room for you.
31:39
SPEAKER_01: Now that may be truly the way you feel in your heart.
31:43
SPEAKER_01: But you know what?
31:44
SPEAKER_01: You may love your children more than anything.
31:47
SPEAKER_01: I think we all do, I know I do, and so of course you should feel that way.
31:51
SPEAKER_01: But dating requires space, it re it requires emotional space, time space, possibility space.
31:59
SPEAKER_01: So, yes, mention your children if they're a part of your life, but do not make your profile sound like there's no room for anyone else or no connection.
32:10
SPEAKER_01: And then let's clean up some of the language.
32:14
SPEAKER_01: Avoid saying things like I hate drama or no games, no liars, my friend made me do this.
32:22
SPEAKER_01: Don't waste my time.
32:24
SPEAKER_01: Are there any good men left?
32:28
SPEAKER_01: Again, those are actual lines from women's profiles.
32:32
SPEAKER_01: So I know where those lines come from.
32:34
SPEAKER_01: They come from disappointment, hurt, exhaust, exhaustion, and but they come from real experiences.
32:41
SPEAKER_01: They come from a part of you that does not want to go through that nonsense again.
32:46
SPEAKER_01: And I understand that, but the language does not attract the right person.
32:50
SPEAKER_01: You know what it does?
32:50
SPEAKER_01: It signals your frustration.
32:52
SPEAKER_01: And frustration doesn't build connection.
32:54
SPEAKER_01: Again, let's go back to what I said originally.
32:56
SPEAKER_01: Clarity does.
32:57
SPEAKER_01: So instead of saying no games, say something like, I appreciate consistency, direct communication, and a man whose actions match his words.
33:05
SPEAKER_01: So instead of saying something like, Ah, no drama, you can say, I'm drawn to calm and emotionally mature connections.
33:14
SPEAKER_01: Instead of saying something like, Don't waste my time, say, you know, I value honesty, follow through, and mutual effort.
33:22
SPEAKER_01: Do you see how that energy shifts in itself?
33:25
SPEAKER_01: You're still saying what matters, but you're still setting the standard.
33:28
SPEAKER_01: You're not leading with irritation, you're leading with clarity.
33:32
SPEAKER_01: So now let's talk about something even deeper.
33:36
SPEAKER_01: Honesty.
33:36
SPEAKER_01: And I want to say this clearly: honesty is not optional.
33:41
SPEAKER_01: Not your age, not your photos, not your lifestyle, not your intentions, because your profile is your first promise to that person that you will be connecting with.
33:52
SPEAKER_01: And if that promise is not true, you are starting something on unstable ground.
33:58
SPEAKER_01: And I if there's any man listening to this podcast, this applies to you as well.
34:04
SPEAKER_01: Your profile is your first promise.
34:07
SPEAKER_01: Get it?
34:08
SPEAKER_01: If your photos aren't current, there's instability there.
34:12
SPEAKER_01: If your age is not honest, there's instability there.
34:15
SPEAKER_01: If your lifestyle is exaggerated, there's instability there.
34:20
SPEAKER_01: If your intentions are unclear because you're trying to seem, you know, more casual than you really feel, there's instability there.
34:28
SPEAKER_01: And I know sometimes women think, well, I just want to get in the door.
34:33
SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness, that's sad.
34:35
SPEAKER_01: I just want to meet, I just want him to meet me.
34:37
SPEAKER_01: I just want him to see my personality first.
34:40
SPEAKER_01: But the right connection does not need to begin with a little manipulation, right?
34:46
SPEAKER_01: The right connection needs to begin with truth.
34:48
SPEAKER_01: You're not looking for perfect.
34:50
SPEAKER_01: Nobody is.
34:50
SPEAKER_01: You're looking for real.
34:52
SPEAKER_01: You also want to be real.
34:53
SPEAKER_01: That doesn't mean you, you know, share everything.
34:55
SPEAKER_01: That doesn't mean you tell every story.
34:57
SPEAKER_01: That doesn't mean you reveal every personal detail.
35:00
SPEAKER_01: It means that you do, you share what is true.
35:04
SPEAKER_01: That is the difference.
35:05
SPEAKER_01: Truth is not the same as full disclosure.
35:08
SPEAKER_01: You can be honest and yet you can still be private.
35:11
SPEAKER_01: You can be open and still be discerning.
35:14
SPEAKER_01: You can be warm, but still have your boundaries and think about those when you do go on the date.
35:20
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna be talking about that in a future podcast.
35:22
SPEAKER_01: But you know what all this is?
35:24
SPEAKER_01: This is mature dating.
35:26
SPEAKER_01: This is now dating in your 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, wherever.
35:32
SPEAKER_01: This is mature dating.
35:34
SPEAKER_01: You are no longer in your 20s, 30s, and 40s trying to find uh that person.
35:40
SPEAKER_01: You've had you've lived a great life, and you don't want to start on the on the wrong foot.
35:46
SPEAKER_01: So now before you finalize anything on your profile, I want you to pause and sit with this.
35:54
SPEAKER_01: Do this intentionally, not quickly.
35:56
SPEAKER_01: I don't want you to do this casually.
35:59
SPEAKER_01: I probably shouldn't have had the martini, but I didn't submit my profile that night.
36:05
SPEAKER_01: Then I wrote my profile.
36:06
SPEAKER_01: I sat on it for a couple days.
36:08
SPEAKER_01: Um, you want to be intentional.
36:11
SPEAKER_01: And then before you actually hit publish or update, I can't remember anymore what it what it says, but read your profile out loud.
36:22
SPEAKER_01: Read it, you look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, does it sound like you?
36:27
SPEAKER_01: Or does it sound like someone who's being desperate or trying to be liked?
36:31
SPEAKER_01: Or does it sound too calm and or does it sound overly confident, or does it sound like you're trying too hard?
36:39
SPEAKER_01: Does it sound like really the woman you are right now, the woman you're looking at in that mirror?
36:44
SPEAKER_01: Or does it sound like you're trying to explain who you used to be?
36:48
SPEAKER_01: Then ask yourself if you do feel that, if it feels a little off, then don't publish it.
36:54
SPEAKER_01: Don't publish that profile.
36:56
SPEAKER_01: So if someone read this and met me tomorrow, would they recognize me?
37:01
SPEAKER_01: Your answer should be yes, because that's such an important question.
37:06
SPEAKER_01: Will they recognize your face?
37:08
SPEAKER_01: Will they recognize your energy?
37:11
SPEAKER_01: Will they recognize the rhythm of your life?
37:13
SPEAKER_01: Will they recognize the tone of your words both?
37:17
SPEAKER_01: That reminds me.
37:18
SPEAKER_01: Don't put your profile into a chat or to AI.
37:23
SPEAKER_01: No, let it come from your heart.
37:25
SPEAKER_01: If you need to check your grammar, that's fine, because that drives me crazy when things are grammatically incorrect, but don't have it write your profile.
37:36
SPEAKER_01: And I want you to ask yourself too, would they feel like the woman who walked in match the woman who they are meeting right now?
37:46
SPEAKER_01: Then ask.
37:47
SPEAKER_01: Also, when you're reading that profile out loud, what kind of man will attract will this attract?
37:53
SPEAKER_01: Who what kind of person is going to want to meet this person in the profile?
37:58
SPEAKER_01: And then of course, the other half of that is what kind of man will filter will what I filter out?
38:04
SPEAKER_01: Because you know what?
38:05
SPEAKER_01: That is the goal.
38:06
SPEAKER_01: You it's more about filtering out than it is right than attracting.
38:11
SPEAKER_01: You want to attract the right single person, but you don't you've got to go through a a lot of filtering out in the process because that's really the goal.
38:21
SPEAKER_01: You you don't want more matches, you want better matches.
38:25
SPEAKER_01: And here's one more thing I want you to do.
38:27
SPEAKER_01: After you write your profile, like I said, walk away from it.
38:31
SPEAKER_01: Do not publish it immediately, do not rush to upload the photos and hit save because you are excited or you're nervous or you're ready to get it over with.
38:41
SPEAKER_01: Write it, save it, walk it away.
38:43
SPEAKER_01: Come back days later or even in the next morning and read it again with fresh eyes because your first draft is not always your best draft.
38:53
SPEAKER_01: I do this with everything that I post, even on my social media, on my blog posts, everything.
38:58
SPEAKER_01: I never publish my first draft because sometimes your first draft is written from nerves or it's written from pressure or it's written from hope or frustration or a desire to be chosen.
39:10
SPEAKER_01: So you when you come back and you have you've sat with it for a little while, you'll see things a lot more clearly.
39:15
SPEAKER_01: And then you can ask, does this still sound like me?
39:17
SPEAKER_01: Am I oversharing?
39:19
SPEAKER_01: Am I hiding behind generic words?
39:21
SPEAKER_01: Am I trying to sound younger than I am?
39:23
SPEAKER_01: Am I trying to sound more impressive than I need to?
39:26
SPEAKER_01: Am I revealing things that, you know, would be better safe for later?
39:29
SPEAKER_01: And would I find the right man who reads this?
39:33
SPEAKER_01: And would I feel exposed if the wrong man reads this?
39:36
SPEAKER_01: That's your that's really that last question really does matter.
39:40
SPEAKER_01: Because your profile is public enough and it deserves discernment.
39:44
SPEAKER_01: So you do not need to be afraid, you, but you do need to be wise.
39:48
SPEAKER_01: You do not need pressure, you do not need to publish, you want to publish from clarity.
39:54
SPEAKER_01: So I remember sitting there building my profile, feeling unsure, second guessing everything I'm putting down, trying to find the right words, trying to decide what to include and what to leave out.
40:04
SPEAKER_01: And then I realized something really important.
40:06
SPEAKER_01: I was not being asked to impress anyone.
40:09
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
40:10
SPEAKER_01: I was being asked to tell the truth about who I am now, and that feels different.
40:15
SPEAKER_01: It's calmer, it's more grounded for me.
40:18
SPEAKER_01: And that is what I want from you.
40:20
SPEAKER_01: I do not want you building a profile from anxiety or from old wounds or from comparison.
40:25
SPEAKER_01: I do not want, I do not want you looking at other women and thinking, oh, you've got to compete against them.
40:30
SPEAKER_01: You don't.
40:31
SPEAKER_01: You're not trying to be the most impressive profile.
40:34
SPEAKER_01: You're trying to be the most honest version of yourself that protects your privacy and your peace and your access.
40:40
SPEAKER_01: That's your sweet spot.
40:42
SPEAKER_01: Open but not exposed.
40:44
SPEAKER_01: Warm but not desperate.
40:46
SPEAKER_01: Clear but not harsh.
40:48
SPEAKER_01: Specific but not overexplained, confident but not performative.
40:54
SPEAKER_01: That's your profile energy.
40:55
SPEAKER_01: And if you're sitting there thinking, okay, I want to do this right, guess what?
40:59
SPEAKER_01: I created a dating profile reset workbook for you.
41:03
SPEAKER_01: And it's free.
41:04
SPEAKER_01: It walks you through step by step your photos, your language, your standards, your clarity, what to say, what not to say, what to reveal, what to say for later.
41:13
SPEAKER_01: Because this is not something you want to rush.
41:15
SPEAKER_01: This is something you want to feel right about before you rush to upload a photo or a single line.
41:21
SPEAKER_01: Just pause, sit with it for a while.
41:23
SPEAKER_01: Because this is not about being perfect.
41:25
SPEAKER_01: It's about being honest.
41:26
SPEAKER_01: It's about building something that reflects the woman you are now and the kind of connection you really want in your life.
41:33
SPEAKER_01: So you can grab your the dating profile reset workbook on my website at kimnik.com or inside my stand store, my VIP section, where I put all my deeper resources for women who are ready to move forward with intention.
41:47
SPEAKER_01: So uh do not skip this step because guess what?
41:50
SPEAKER_01: It is so important.
41:51
SPEAKER_01: And when you build a profile from clarity, you stop attracting that confusion, and that changes everything.
41:58
SPEAKER_01: So you don't need the perfect photo, you don't need the perfect words, you don't need to become someone else to be chosen.
42:05
SPEAKER_01: Just be a better version.
42:06
SPEAKER_01: You just you don't want to be a better version of yourself to date again.
42:09
SPEAKER_01: You just want to be you.
42:11
SPEAKER_01: You don't need to sound more interesting or more impressive or more polished.
42:14
SPEAKER_01: You need to be clear enough to be recognized.
42:18
SPEAKER_01: Because guess what?
42:19
SPEAKER_01: That right man is not searching for the perfect, the most perfect profile.
42:22
SPEAKER_01: He's searching for something that feels real.
42:24
SPEAKER_01: Because you know what?
42:25
SPEAKER_01: They've had their experiences on dating profiles as well, and they get to read them over and over again.
42:31
SPEAKER_01: And I know that men feel the same way because very soon I'm gonna have my husband on one of the next podcasts, and we're gonna hear from a man's perspective on reading profiles.
42:41
SPEAKER_01: And they hear you know what?
42:43
SPEAKER_01: They've got that experience behind them as well.
42:46
SPEAKER_01: So they want something that feels steady, they want something that fits into life, something that's part of their life, and that's where showing up as the woman you are now makes a big difference.
42:57
SPEAKER_01: That right person is not looking for the most impressive impressive, believe me.
43:01
SPEAKER_01: They're looking for you to be real, and that begins with you.
43:06
SPEAKER_01: And this dating series is just getting started.
43:09
SPEAKER_01: I've gotten great feedback from you, but continue to send me comments, reach out to me on kimdick.com, um, email me.
43:18
SPEAKER_01: Uh, you can go through my website to email me or even here, message me.
43:22
SPEAKER_01: But guess what?
43:23
SPEAKER_01: We've got so many wonderful topics to uh in our future, and we're gonna get through, navigate them all, and with clarity and with confidence, every single one of it.
43:34
SPEAKER_01: Because guess what?
43:35
SPEAKER_01: This is not just about dating again, right?
43:37
SPEAKER_01: It's about understanding who you are now and choosing from that place.
43:42
SPEAKER_01: So I am really happy that you are here with me today and thrilled, thrilled to be a partner with you along the way.
43:52
SPEAKER_01: So thanks for listening to my sexy menopause body, and I'll talk to you soon.
43:57
SPEAKER_01: Bye-bye.
44:05
SPEAKER_00: It's a whole new beginning.
44:07
SPEAKER_00: This is your time to own your power.
44:10
SPEAKER_00: Rewrite the rules and show up unapologetically.
44:15
SPEAKER_00: Because sexy doesn't expire.
44:17
SPEAKER_00: You definitely need to be able to do that.