Latest / Age Like a Badass Mother / Ep. 55: Amberly Lago: Retrain Your Brain for Joy and Resilience: The Transformative Power of Radical Acceptance

Transcript

Ep. 55: Amberly Lago: Retrain Your Brain for Joy and Resilience: The Transformative Power of Radical Acceptance · Age Like a Badass Mother

• 0:00
  Hello friend.
• 0:01
  This week's guest is Amberly Largo and she knows something about resilience.
• 0:05
  She shares her harrowing journey of overcoming sexual abuse as a child, embracing her scars and finding joy in life after a traumatic motorcycle accident that required 34 surgeries and counting.
• 0:18
  We talk about shame, guilt, and the courage of letting go of past identities to embrace new opportunities.
• 0:26
  Learn the power of radical acceptance from someone who is living it with complete and total grace, and stay till the end, because the lessons just keep flowing out of her.
• 0:34
  She was an absolutely amazing guest.
• 0:38
  Well, a while back I shared my story on the podcast of how I reversed heart disease with a whole food plant based diet.
• 0:44
  After the show, head over to my YouTube channel and check out the short videos that I've been making for you so that you can see examples of my quick, delicious, and easy meals.
• 0:54
  And don't forget to subscribe to The Age Like a Badass Mother channel so you never miss a video.
• 1:00
  And I want to thank you again from the bottom of my heart for listening and sharing this podcast.
• 1:05
  It's my honor to get to talk to you every week.
• 1:09
  Thank you.
• 1:10
  Hi friends, I'm Lauren Bernick and I'm flipping the script about growing older.
• 1:16
  My guests have been influencers since before that was even a thing.
• 1:21
  Welcome to the anti Anti-Aging podcast.
• 1:25
  Welcome to age like a badass mother.
• 1:29
  Amber Lee Largo is an international speaker on grit, resilience and connection.
• 1:35
  She has shared stages with bestselling authors and thought leaders including Mel Robbins, Jay Shetty and Lewis Howes.
• 1:43
  She has also spoken for multi-million dollar companies such as Lululemon, Google and Athleta.
• 1:48
  Her 2019 TEDx talk, The Pace of Pain, has had hundreds of thousands of views to date.
• 1:55
  She hosts the podcast the Amber Lee Logo Show, which Apple recognizes as one of the top 1% of all podcasts in the world.
• 2:03
  Amber Lee has overcome major trauma, including a horrific motorcycle accident that shattered her right leg, required 34 surgeries to save her leg, and altered her life forever, leaving her with complex regional pain syndrome.
• 2:18
  Her latest book, Joy Through the Journey shift your mindset, Embrace the present moment and Cultivate resilience through life's ups and downs is filled with practical exercises and mind shifting strategies to help you go from surviving to thriving and embrace and accept your present moment.
• 2:37
  Given all that she's been through and all that she's accomplished, I can't wait to hear what she has to share with us.
• 2:44
  Please welcome Amberleigh Largo.
• 2:46
  Hello and welcome.
• 2:48
  Thank you so much for that most beautiful introduction.
• 2:52
  Can I just hang out with you all day?
• 2:54
  I wish I mean, you're just you're Dallas, right?
• 2:58
  Yeah, I'm in Austin, so that's not impossible.
• 3:01
  We could we could see each other.
• 3:03
  Now we need to make that happen.
• 3:05
  It's a yeah, three hour drive.
• 3:06
  It's it's three hours. It's nothing.
• 3:08
  Yeah, well, I want to just jump in because there's so much to cover with you, and, I, I want to start with.
• 3:16
  Can we just start with your childhood?
• 3:18
  Is that okay? Yeah. I'm going back.
• 3:20
  I'm back.
• 3:22
  Yes. Going back. Open book.
• 3:24
  Yeah.
• 3:24
  So I know that your childhood, you were a dancer and an athlete, but you also suffered, abuse at the hands of your stepdad.
• 3:36
  And that was just probably one of the first of many things that you've had to kind of overcome and do with this grit and resilience, your your life lessons in life.
• 3:47
  Can you can you talk a little bit about that?
• 3:50
  Yeah. You know, it's interesting.
• 3:52
  I remember years ago going to a therapist because I was having issues.
• 4:01
  This is years and years ago before I was married and I was dating this guy, and I went to this therapist and I had all these issues going on in my relationship, and she stopped me in the middle of our session and she said, excuse me.
• 4:19
  She goes, were you sexually abused as a child?
• 4:22
  And I said, well, yeah, yeah, but I'm over that.
• 4:26
  I've, I've moved past that.
• 4:27
  I've dealt with that already.
• 4:29
  And she goes, no, I don't think you have.
• 4:32
  And I was like, oh wow.
• 4:34
  And I didn't realize that I still had a lot of healing to do.
• 4:40
  And then I realized also that I and this is hard.
• 4:45
  This was hard for me to admit, but I thought, okay, you heal, you get over it, you deal with it, you move on and you're done.
• 4:57
  And I've realized that it's not linear, and there will be some times that, like, I'm surprised that I will get triggered and I'm like, dang it, that the good thing is, is that, you know what?
• 5:13
  Even though there are times when I get triggered and those thoughts or that feeling, that shame, comes up, at least I know that I can get through it.
• 5:26
  I know that there are tools that I can use to get through those times, but, yeah, so I was sexually abused.
• 5:35
  It started at eight years old, and I think I finally had the nerve to come out and say something about it when I was in high school.
• 5:46
  And I didn't get the help that I needed.
• 5:50
  And it was at that moment.
• 5:51
  At first I thought, well, I'm not worthy of being protected or loved and then at the same time I thought, but you know what?
• 6:00
  If I want to get better, if I want to protect myself, that's up to me to do it.
• 6:06
  And the next time, step dad came into my bedroom, I.
• 6:12
  He was big and I was little, and I fought him and kicked him.
• 6:18
  And I remember grabbing his hair and pulling his hair.
• 6:21
  Anything I could do.
• 6:23
  And you know what?
• 6:23
  That's the last time he ever laid hand on me.
• 6:26
  When you finally there. That's.
• 6:29
  I mean, I don't want to say when you finally stood up for yourself, because that's like blaming you.
• 6:31
  And that's.
• 6:33
  I mean, he's I mean, not that's not the right thing to say, but that you did you finally did stand up for yourself because you were little, like you said.
• 6:43
  You couldn't. You didn't have the tools.
• 6:43
  You were scared.
• 6:45
  I mean, it's things happen to little children.
• 6:49
  It's so I think that's why people have such a tenderness in their heart for little children is because, you know, they're not really in control of their lives and for other people to prey on them.
• 7:01
  That, I mean, I don't want to paint him as a monster, but he was a monster.
• 7:06
  Well, well, yeah.
• 7:08
  And, you know, I have to say, if I ever found out that somebody was hurting my child.
• 7:16
  That way.
• 7:17
  Oh my goodness. Lord have mercy.
• 7:19
  I'd be in jail right now.
• 7:20
  You know what I mean.
• 7:22
  And, I just don't think the people that I confided in and asked for help, I don't think that they were healthy enough for mentally stable enough to help me.
• 7:38
  But I didn't know what to do.
• 7:40
  I didn't know who else to turn to.
• 7:42
  And so I feel lucky that I did stand up for myself.
• 7:47
  But I also instead of, you know, diving down into some bad behaviors, I turned to things that made me happy.
• 7:59
  Like I really dove into things that made me feel better, stronger, more empowered, empowered.
• 8:06
  So that's when I was in all AP classes and was Miss Greeneville High School Honors student?
• 8:16
  In the dance company, I worked three jobs in high school.
• 8:22
  I was just like, so determined to do something good and make something of my life.
• 8:28
  And I knew that as soon as I graduated high school, I was getting the hell out of there.
• 8:35
  I was like, I am, I am leaving this town.
• 8:40
  And, you know, I think there's part of that.
• 8:43
  I always say, and I've written it in my book about how pain pushes you until your passion pulls you in.
• 8:49
  Sometimes we need that little pain, which I don't wish that upon anybody, but I think that that helped propel me into I was, I was there was no turning back.
• 9:03
  I was not going back.
• 9:06
  I knew I had to make it in LA because there is no l.
• 9:12
  I was not going back.
• 9:13
  There was nowhere else for me to go.
• 9:15
  Yeah.
• 9:16
  And I want to talk more about forgiveness.
• 9:20
  Because that's a huge component of how I think you moved forward from that.
• 9:26
  But before we talk about forgiveness, I want to talk about your horrific car accident, because herein lies another person you had to forgive.
• 9:34
  So can you tell us about your accident and what happened and the results?
• 9:38
  Oh, oh, the the motorcycle.
• 9:41
  The motorcycle accident. Okay. Yeah.
• 9:43
  And the reason I'm asking is because, people, I've actually made a joke about this that my next book should be called Look Both Ways, because I've been hit by a car three different times.
• 9:59
  Once on my bicycle, and then once on my motorcycle, and then once my daughter and I were riding our little razors, our scooters, and we were hit, hit by a car.
• 10:13
  So I think the accident you're talking about.
• 10:17
  Yes. The motorcycle, the one on the motorcycle.
• 10:20
  When I don't I don't mean to laugh, but I mean, I made a note of that because I thought that was so funny in your book that you could laugh at it, that your next book should be called Look Both Ways.
• 10:30
  Yeah.
• 10:30
  Because I was like, oh my gosh, this poor one.
• 10:34
  But yes, I am referring to your motorcycle accident.
• 10:37
  Yeah, yeah, pretty crazy man.
• 10:41
  Life can just change in the blink of an eye, you know?
• 10:46
  I mean, so fast and I was coming home from work on my motorcycle and just cruising down the boulevard.
• 10:58
  I was, you know, only going about, I think, 20, 25 miles an hour when you crash on a motorcycle, the speedometer locks on ever fast.
• 11:07
  You're going.
• 11:08
  And I think it was like 25 miles an hour that I was going.
• 11:12
  And, I had this, SUV that shot out of a parking lot.
• 11:19
  And so they T-boned me.
• 11:20
  And when I say shot out, it wasn't like a little fender bender.
• 11:25
  Like, oops, let me just tap here.
• 11:26
  And it was like they punched it out.
• 11:29
  So I was hit, then thrown in the air.
• 11:35
  And I just remember sliding across the asphalt and when I finally came to a stop is when I looked down at my leg and I just saw it crumbled into pieces.
• 11:43
  And in that moment, I really didn't know how the severity of it.
• 11:48
  I didn't even know that it.
• 11:50
  I was like, wow, there's a lot of blood.
• 11:52
  And this looks like one of those horror movies.
• 11:55
  Because, you know, in the horror movies, like the blood squirts out like a geyser, right?
• 12:01
  That really an artery?
• 12:01
  When it's an artery.
• 12:05
  So my femoral artery was severed.
• 12:08
  And with every, you know, beat of my heart, the blood was pumping out of my body.
• 12:14
  Luckily, I had a guy that came over, and right away, he made a tourniquet around my leg, and, And I was thinking one of my first thoughts as well.
• 12:25
  This, this this can't be good.
• 12:28
  I'm gonna have to train clients on crutches for a while.
• 12:31
  This is because you were a personal trainer, then?
• 12:33
  Yeah.
• 12:34
  I had no idea that it was going to change the whole entire trajectory of my life.
• 12:42
  That I would be in soon, in a coma, soon to go after surgery.
• 12:48
  After surgery, after surgery, 33 and 34 in total.
• 12:52
  And I'm actually scheduled for another surgery June 2nd.
• 12:56
  Oh, wow.
• 12:56
  And, how I would be diagnosed with complex regional pain syndrome.
• 13:02
  And, you know, the thing is, yeah, it's like it's a lot getting hit by an SUV and going through surgery after surgery.
• 13:10
  But that's not the hard thing.
• 13:12
  That is not what is the hardest thing for me.
• 13:15
  What is the hardest thing is I live in constant chronic pain from this nerve disease that people see me limping and they're like, oh, you're limping.
• 13:33
  I'm like, well, yeah, I'm hurting more.
• 13:37
  Or, you know, I just did my annual event and somebody saw me limping and they're like, oh my gosh, are you okay?
• 13:45
  And I'm like, yeah, I'm I'm fine. Why?
• 13:48
  And they're like, well you're limping.
• 13:51
  And I just want to say, well, you don't realize I live with a lot of pain.
• 13:57
  This pain is ranked top of all the the nerve conditions out there.
• 14:05
  It's ranked higher than amputation, higher than passing a kidney stone.
• 14:09
  And I've passed a kidney stone.
• 14:14
  And there's no known cure for it.
• 14:15
  Right.
• 14:16
  And so that is what is hard for me.
• 14:20
  I would actually I don't ever think I've even said this before.
• 14:26
  I would rather go through 30 more, 34 more surgeries if I would be promised that I wouldn't have to live with corpse for the rest.
• 14:36
  Because I've tried every kind of medical treatment out there.
• 14:40
  I mean, I've spent thousands and on medical treatments, and my heart goes out to people who spend so much money on things where people are like, try this, try this, try this.
• 14:55
  You know what I mean?
• 14:56
  Yeah, it it can be discouraging.
• 14:59
  And I think it's super, super important to make sure that you are putting yourself in the right space and you are trying every single day to strengthen yourself mentally, spiritually and physically so you can get through the hard moments.
• 15:17
  Because, look, whether you're dealing with an or a nerve disease that leaves you in a lot of pain or you're just going through a hard challenge of your life, pain is pain.
• 15:28
  You know what I mean?
• 15:29
  And we really need it to come together to support each other so we can get through that.
• 15:39
  And I mean, I know how excited I was just to get to see you.
• 15:43
  And when I got to see your beautiful face on the screen, I was like, oh my gosh, thank you so much.
• 15:50
  That connection is so important because I know that for so long I felt alone.
• 15:58
  And that led me into, I mean, I was into isolation.
• 16:03
  And then I got into addiction and I was like, how did a good girl like me end up here?
• 16:11
  Like, what the heck?
• 16:14
  And I actually thought, how did a good girl like me end up becoming an alcoholic?
• 16:20
  And it's because I didn't have that connection.
• 16:24
  And I slowly started to isolate myself and, connections, the opposite of isolation.
• 16:31
  And I feel like we need connection more than ever right now, whether it is through health and wellness or it's an entrepreneurial journey or whatever it is we do need that connection, and we need to lend a hand and reach out to each other and check on our friends, even our strong friends.
• 16:51
  Yeah, yeah, I couldn't agree with you more. I, I want to first of all, how how long ago was your, accident?
• 17:00
  It was.
• 17:01
  Oh, my gosh, do you know it's going to be this year will be 15 years ago.
• 17:06
  Okay, that's what I thought.
• 17:07
  So, I mean, you've been suffering for so long, and like you said, you got, you know, you had to go through addiction and, you know, and conquer that.
• 17:18
  I mean, you've had you you're like, what I, I mean, I admire so many things about you, but just the fact that you take things head on, you know, that you're like, okay, grab the bull by the horns and, you what are what are some of the things that you do to deal with the pain now?
• 17:37
  Like, how do you.
• 17:40
  Well, that is every day it probably changes.
• 17:43
  Yeah.
• 17:43
  It does, you know, I think what really helps is, well, first of all, I came up with the word pacer, right?
• 17:53
  And it helps me to remember how the pacer stands for perspective, acceptance, community, endurance and rest.
• 18:03
  And you talk about that in your new book.
• 18:03
  Yeah.
• 18:05
  And I'm not gonna have to remind myself I'm not perfect.
• 18:10
  I am stubborn, I mess up all the time, and I constantly, fail and learn and fall and get back up.
• 18:21
  But I think that what helps me the most is my whole mindset set around it.
• 18:29
  And so I think that the more you can be an in a positive mindset, and I'm not the most positive person, I have to work at it and I do that with gratitude.
• 18:41
  I start out with gratitude every single morning, and I end my day with gratitude and I have a gratitude practice.
• 18:50
  And so, you know, what's your practice?
• 18:54
  What do you do?
• 18:55
  So I have a group of ladies we call ourself the God Squad.
• 19:00
  And we text each other ten things that we're grateful for every day.
• 19:05
  And there's even an app that I use.
• 19:09
  And it's a recovery app. It's called.
• 19:10
  And I'm not affiliated with this app in any way, but it's just something that helps us connect and stay, accountable to each other more.
• 19:20
  It's called my spiritual toolkit.
• 19:22
  And, you don't have it's a recovery app.
• 19:26
  You don't have to be in recovery to use it.
• 19:28
  But I like it because there's a place where you can go to my toolbox and you click on it.
• 19:36
  It's a great it says your gratitude journal, and you can literally write down ten things you're grateful for and press one button and it sends it to your gratitude list.
• 19:47
  Whether it's one person or you have a group of ladies.
• 19:50
  And if you're having a bad day, man, you can go back in that gratitude list.
• 19:56
  I mean, we've had this list going on for years, and I can look back at all the things that I have been so blessed and been so grateful.
• 20:06
  And then, you know, when you can also read what somebody else is grateful for?
• 20:12
  Yes. It can really change the way you feel about your circumstances because that's your perspective.
• 20:19
  Yeah. Like you talking about in Pacer.
• 20:21
  Yeah, yeah.
• 20:23
  Because a friend of mine, she's going through cancer.
• 20:26
  Oh she's going through chemo treatments and I'm not what her sheet.
• 20:32
  Yeah.
• 20:35
  What are some of the things that she's grateful for.
• 20:38
  What is she said.
• 20:39
  Oh gosh.
• 20:40
  That she, that she had a better treatment and was feeling less nauseated, that she got to spend time with her daughter.
• 20:51
  And I'm thinking here, she's going through chemo treatments and I'm complaining about.
• 20:58
  Or I'm thinking about, like, so much of what we focus on, where our energy goes, like, I just feel like the more we focus on the good, the good gets better, the more we focus on the bad stuff.
• 21:13
  That stuff gets even bigger.
• 21:16
  You know, that's proven. That's proven.
• 21:18
  You know where your mind goes, your body follows.
• 21:21
  And I mean, yeah, I, I want to. So one of the things that well I want to focus on forgiveness because okay.
• 21:31
  So now we have these two examples of these two things that either one could have really taken somebody down, you know, and you've had to I don't, you know, you've had these two things in your life.
• 21:44
  How have you what kind of practice did you do to forgive your stepfather, to forgive your people who didn't stand up for you, your parents, your, the man who was driving the SUV?
• 21:58
  What?
• 21:58
  I mean, do you have, like, a practice to forgive each one of them or a meditation?
• 22:02
  Or what was your process?
• 22:04
  Well, that's a great question.
• 22:06
  And I remember actually being in the hospital, and my husband was so angry, and I just remember him yelling and cursing, and he's going to pay for this.
• 22:22
  What he did to my wife.
• 22:24
  And I remember writing my first book, True Grit and Grace.
• 22:28
  And, I would send part of my manuscript off to the editor and he would send it back, and he sent me back what the edited whatever I'd sent him.
• 22:43
  And I read it and I said, wait a minute, you added some stuff in.
• 22:48
  I said, I didn't write this.
• 22:50
  Like, what is all this you wrote in about me being so angry about the guy that hit me?
• 22:57
  And he goes, well, you didn't write down that you were angry at the guy that hit you.
• 23:03
  And I said, but, but I wasn't.
• 23:06
  I said it, it it was an accident.
• 23:09
  I said, if I would have focused on anger at him for hitting me, I wouldn't have healed the way that I did.
• 23:19
  I was really solely focused on how can I get through the day and be better in every way mentally, spiritually, physically.
• 23:32
  I was focused on like being so tedious about the things I ate because if my blood sugar was elevated, if my blood sugar numbers, if it came in over 125, your risk of infection is higher.
• 23:48
  And so I was eating no carbs.
• 23:51
  I had, you know, clients and, friends bringing me organic food in the hospital.
• 23:58
  I had my own refrigerator in the hospital.
• 24:00
  So I don't really like.
• 24:05
  I don't know, this sounds weird, but I don't feel like I ever really was so angry or had to forgive the guy that hit me.
• 24:18
  I just feel like I had some compassion in my heart for him because I would hate to be the person who caused that much pain to somebody else.
• 24:33
  And so I tried to see it in a different aspect, you know, with my father, who I told about the sexual abuse and he didn't do anything about it, we have forgiven.
• 24:51
  Actually, writing my first book really helped, because I talk about that in my first book.
• 24:55
  And that really, I feel like brought some healing for both of us because he had never really come to terms with.
• 25:06
  Oh, yeah, you told me about the sexual abuse and I didn't do anything about it.
• 25:10
  And he said, well, you you made me promise not to tell anybody.
• 25:14
  And I was like, yeah, dad, but I was a little girl and I was scared.
• 25:19
  He told me that if I said anything to anybody that he would kill my mom.
• 25:26
  And I believed him.
• 25:28
  And I said, so.
• 25:30
  That's why I said, but you can't tell anybody.
• 25:32
  It was a cry for help.
• 25:35
  I think the just having a conversation around things and understanding that, you know, what?
• 25:47
  And I know you hear this terminology a lot.
• 25:50
  He did the best he could with what he knew, and I understand that right.
• 25:56
  If you hear it a lot because it's true of redacted, of course.
• 26:02
  Yeah, I know, I think you're right, like I do.
• 26:07
  I think we hear that a lot because it's true.
• 26:08
  And I even, you know, I've had not nearly as big of a situation, but with my father, you know, having to talk to him about things that he really did that hurt me.
• 26:20
  Not on that level, but, you know, as a grown up and, like, I feel like we were never close until we really had those hard conversations.
• 26:28
  And I did have to forgive him and realize, all right, well, he was just a human.
• 26:33
  He wasn't, you know, a super person just because he was a dad.
• 26:37
  And that's that's just, you know, meeting somebody where they are.
• 26:42
  And I think you can't do that when you're a child because you you do expect these people to protect you.
• 26:48
  Yeah.
• 26:48
  Did you was that a hit and run accident, or did that person stop and see the damage he did to you?
• 26:55
  Oh, that motorcycle accident.
• 26:57
  Yeah.
• 26:57
  The motorcycle? No.
• 27:01
  He stopped and everyone gone. He.
• 27:06
  I remember everything, so it's like everything is so crystal clear and everything is so vivid, and I can replay it over and over in my mind.
• 27:19
  And the only thing that I can say that I did have a hard time with, I understand accidents happen.
• 27:28
  The thing that I had a hard time with is that after he hit me and I'm, I'm guessing he was in shock because there I am, laying in the street, blood everywhere, and he stood across from me with his arms crossed in front of him.
• 27:46
  He never came over to me.
• 27:48
  He never came to see me in the hospital.
• 27:50
  He never reached out to me.
• 27:52
  In fact, I think after that he left the country.
• 27:56
  But yeah, he he stood there in front of me and didn't come over.
• 28:03
  That's the only thing I really had a hard time with, because I know if I, God forbid, had ever done anything like that, I would be making the tourniquet around their leg.
• 28:14
  I would I would be like, here, let me give because I had so many blood transfusions.
• 28:20
  Let me give some blood, you know, whatever it's going to take.
• 28:23
  But yeah, he didn't.
• 28:26
  He never reached out.
• 28:27
  Never heard from them, never saw him.
• 28:30
  Yeah, that's a tough one.
• 28:31
  And, you know, it's hard to I mean, he's had to live with that.
• 28:35
  You're right.
• 28:35
  For 15 years and you don't know I mean probably what's going through my mind about his mind.
• 28:41
  Like I'm, you know, totally making against this.
• 28:43
  It has obviously no truth to it, but, I mean, he's probably like an attorney or something and thinking, well, if I help her, that's an admittance of guilt.
• 28:52
  Or if I, you know, that's the kind of thing I'm picturing.
• 28:56
  I, I think so, I think because how could you not reach out?
• 29:00
  Yeah, I really think so.
• 29:02
  I, I actually mentioned that to, My husband and he said, well, there's going to be there's going to be a lawsuit.
• 29:15
  And he is going to be urged not to reach out to you at all.
• 29:20
  And I'm just like, I could just never do that. No, I can't either.
• 29:26
  I, I'm there were people, there were people that happened to drive by the accident and there was like a nurse that came over and thankfully she came over and she grabbed my hands and she helped me breathe.
• 29:42
  She said, I need you to breathe with me, right?
• 29:45
  I had her and this other guy and another couple of people who I didn't even know they were strangers, that they happened to see the accident.
• 29:55
  Do you know they came to see me in the hospital?
• 29:58
  I do, I believe it, they.
• 30:00
  Yeah, that's the human connection.
• 30:02
  That's what you're talking to. See me in the hospital.
• 30:06
  That's beautiful.
• 30:07
  That is that human connection thing that you're talking about that we all crave and need. And.
• 30:13
  Yeah, they were thinking about you.
• 30:14
  Of course.
• 30:15
  I mean, when you witnessed something like that, that's that's crazy. And then, you know, I do.
• 30:20
  I want to talk a little bit about your leg because you, I think I think your superpower and what you really do is help people not only with forgiveness and with kindness and with joy and all the things and letting go.
• 30:35
  But, you know, your leg is scarred and and I love how, like, I, I've seen it on your Instagram where you show your leg and you said, these are, these are my scars.
• 30:48
  And I'm grateful to have this leg and all the things that you talk about that you know, have enabled other people then to feel good about whatever imperfections they have.
• 30:58
  Can you talk about that a little bit? Yeah.
• 31:01
  Well thank you.
• 31:02
  You know, I think that it was really hard for me after the accident.
• 31:07
  I mean, my nickname used to be legs.
• 31:12
  That was my nickname in the gym was legs, and I was known for my workout partners were fitness competitors, not females, but men.
• 31:24
  I worked out with the guys, and I was just as strong as them and would warm up with seven plates, 45 pound plates on each side of the leg press is my warm up.
• 31:35
  I was like, so I really and in being sponsored by Nike and in the fitness industry and in the dance industry before that, to wake up out of a coma and look down at your leg and realize, oh my gosh, like my leg is scarred from the hip down.
• 32:00
  I it's it's deformed.
• 32:04
  My ankles fuzed.
• 32:05
  I had somebody say, why, why do you workout and boots?
• 32:10
  And I'm like, well boots are the only thing I can wear.
• 32:12
  I have one brand of of shoes that I've been lucky.
• 32:16
  I've been able to find that don't flare me up.
• 32:19
  Don't flare this up.
• 32:21
  Black other shoes do.
• 32:23
  So I workout in boots.
• 32:24
  But it's also because my ankles use, don't have any dorsi or plant or flexion or I can't.
• 32:31
  I should say that not in trainer terminology.
• 32:34
  I can't point my toe.
• 32:36
  You can't point your toe. Okay.
• 32:39
  And so it was really hard to accept all those scars.
• 32:46
  I feel like I had a whole identity shift.
• 32:50
  Like I was only identified as what I looked like and how much I provided, how much money I made, what I did for a living, how many clients I trained, what I could provide for my family.
• 33:04
  Then I had to realize, and it took me down a dark path.
• 33:06
  And that's how I got into becoming an alcoholic, was I was in denial and I was not wanting to admit the way that I looked, the way that I felt.
• 33:21
  I just wanted to numb everything out.
• 33:24
  The way that the shame, the pain, everything.
• 33:29
  And what I realized is we heal what we reveal.
• 33:33
  And when we are and what we reveal.
• 33:38
  I love that.
• 33:39
  And and you know what?
• 33:42
  Acceptance for where we are and who we are on our journey is.
• 33:48
  That is the beginning of any transformation.
• 33:51
  I think we have to, like, take a good, hard look at what is going on in our life, who we are, except what's going on.
• 34:01
  Instead of putting the blinders on, take a good look.
• 34:05
  Because if you if you don't admit if something isn't working or it's not hurting, or it's not broken or needs to be mended, how is it going to get better?
• 34:17
  How are we going to take action steps to move in the right direction?
• 34:21
  And so I think it starts with being in radical, radical acceptance of yourself and who you are and where you are.
• 34:30
  How did you how did you get to that point of I mean, I think I've said this on the podcast before, that I've heard this saying that the suffering comes not from the situation, but because you're not accepting it and how, you know, how did you get to that point of accepting?
• 34:48
  Was it a process or just looking at it and be grateful, or it was complete desperation?
• 34:56
  There is a gift in desperation, and I was to the point where I thought, I can't believe I have survived a horrific motorcycle accident and made it through 34 surgeries, only to be slowly killing myself every single day with alcohol.
• 35:17
  What is wrong with me?
• 35:19
  I thought I was so different.
• 35:22
  I was not, I was not an addict or what.
• 35:26
  This is. This can't be my life.
• 35:30
  And what I realized is, yeah, addiction doesn't discriminate.
• 35:35
  And I was to the point where I didn't want to go on, continue living.
• 35:41
  But I was too afraid to die and to the point where I was just like, you know what?
• 35:51
  My kids deserve a better mom.
• 35:55
  My husband deserves a better wife.
• 35:58
  They they deserve more.
• 36:01
  And, I just man, in that desperation, I got on my knees and I prayed and I was like, I need help.
• 36:10
  God, please help me.
• 36:13
  And, that gave me the little bit of courage that I needed to actually get out of the isolation and reach out for help.
• 36:24
  And sometimes all it takes is that one glimmer of hope, that one glimmer of courage, that one ounce of action or inspiration, that one call, that one thing that we can do, that can change our life.
• 36:45
  And you reached out to a person who took you to AA or what?
• 36:49
  Who did you reach out to a friend?
• 36:51
  Well, what?
• 36:53
  Well, Funny you should ask.
• 36:56
  I reached out to, actually a former client of mine, which was very hard and very humbling to reach out to a former client to tell her that I need help.
• 37:09
  I got a problem, but I reached out to her because I knew she was in the program, and, she goes, yeah, you know what?
• 37:17
  I'm going to help you.
• 37:18
  I'm going to take you to a meeting.
• 37:20
  And a week went by and I didn't hear from her.
• 37:24
  And I thought, oh my gosh, I need, I need help like yesterday.
• 37:29
  No, I need help now.
• 37:30
  Like, I'm going to die, I need help.
• 37:32
  And, so I just got and I share that because, you know, sometimes we reach out to people and even with their best intentions, they may not have the time, or they may not just be in the right place to help.
• 37:50
  And so it's important for you to be willing to help yourself.
• 37:54
  And so, then got on Google and I googled like, 12 step recovery meetings, and I found a meeting that I could go to when my daughter was in school and my husband would be at work, and I was now sneaking my drinking to sneaking, going to recovery, meeting.
• 38:17
  And I remember. Why were you sneaking?
• 38:20
  Because you didn't want to commit to it.
• 38:24
  Oh, snake oil, sneaking, going to meetings.
• 38:27
  Why were you sneaking? Going to meetings?
• 38:29
  You didn't want to just put that out there because you were.
• 38:32
  Oh, yeah.
• 38:32
  I was committed to recovery.
• 38:34
  I had so much shame.
• 38:36
  So much shame.
• 38:37
  How did somebody who has been a professional dancer and athlete hired by Nike in the fitness industry, how are you an alcoholic like, And nobody knew.
• 38:52
  It wasn't like I was a party girl, you know, going to the clubs.
• 38:57
  It wasn't that I was drinking out of just pure desperation to get out of pain.
• 39:05
  And I was visiting it.
• 39:07
  I was hiding it.
• 39:08
  No one knew how much I was drinking.
• 39:10
  I didn't want anybody to know. Sure.
• 39:12
  And so to go from having this great life and and being in the fitness industry to now all of a sudden I'm saying, oh, by the way, yeah, I need help.
• 39:28
  I got a little problem over here.
• 39:30
  I was yeah, there was a lot of shame.
• 39:33
  There was a lot of embarrassment.
• 39:36
  And I remember walking into the room thinking, oh my gosh.
• 39:40
  And I remember even when my husband first found out that I was going, he, he's a former lieutenant commander, I mean, police.
• 39:51
  How is he married to somebody who has a problem like this?
• 39:58
  So he was like, well, what if somebody that, you know, you see at one of the meetings and I'm like, well, they'll be there for the same reason I want exactly.
• 40:08
  You know, but you're not often thinking like that, right?
• 40:13
  When you're first walking into the room, it was scarier, I will say scary fear than any surgery that I've ever prepared for was walking into that room for the first time. Wow.
• 40:30
  And you almost lost your leg.
• 40:32
  I mean, that's that's very scary.
• 40:35
  It's you're you're admitting you're, like, owning that.
• 40:41
  Well, this isn't working.
• 40:44
  I got a problem.
• 40:48
  My life's a mess.
• 40:50
  You are. Basically.
• 40:53
  I felt like, you know, you're just having to be in full blown acceptance of how much help you really need.
• 41:03
  And when you've been a strong person your whole life and been able to somehow some way get through hard things and have willpower and you can you feel completely powerless over this situation?
• 41:18
  It's a humbling experience.
• 41:20
  I do not doubt that I don't doubt that.
• 41:22
  Well, I want to shift a little because I want to get to the joy part because I know I'm sorry.
• 41:30
  That was you know, I mean, you have a, your experience is a little dark.
• 41:38
  But the truth is, like you said, that you've discovered the joy through it.
• 41:44
  And not only you know what it's like.
• 41:47
  You just said you are helping people. It's.
• 41:50
  There are people listening to this podcast today that who know, who knows what they're struggling with, you know, whether it's an imperfection, whether it's they need to come to terms with that.
• 42:01
  They need some help because they're an alcoholic.
• 42:04
  Whether they're suffering with pain, whether they're suffering with shame, whether they're trying to forgive somebody.
• 42:10
  I mean, you are helping people and that's why you're here and that's why you do what you do.
• 42:15
  And not only that, you know, you had this incredible career, but you finally realized I have to let go of this career.
• 42:24
  And then even a better one came along.
• 42:26
  And so, you know that that's the thing about letting go and helping somebody else.
• 42:33
  Can you talk about the letting go and then the and then the joy through the journey, that point?
• 42:37
  Yeah. That's such a great question.
• 42:39
  You know what I think I for so long was so trying to fix what I felt like was broken.
• 42:45
  And I was just trying to get back to doing what I did and fix what was broken instead of going, wait a minute, maybe there's this whole other glorious new opportunity right in front of me.
• 42:59
  And when I did finally go, okay, that this is not I'm not there's no going back.
• 43:08
  Resilience doesn't mean bouncing back.
• 43:10
  It means the courage to choose happiness and joy to move forward even when things don't go as planned.
• 43:21
  And, for me, I feel like, who knows what's ahead?
• 43:29
  I'm constantly learning and growing, and I just.
• 43:32
  I had a call with a client early this morning.
• 43:34
  One of my favorite clients, and she's like, she's like, well, I usually have this big vision and I've got this vision and I see it and I'm a little unclear, clear about the vision.
• 43:46
  And I said, well, why don't have fun with your vision and see what is going to bring you more joy.
• 43:56
  You know, I said, because I used to think I want to be speaking, doing 100 keynotes a year and traveling all over until I started traveling every single week across the country.
• 44:09
  And I was like, no, I actually don't want to be traveling this much and don't want to be away from my family.
• 44:16
  So I've got more discerning on exactly what I say yes to.
• 44:23
  Same thing with, you know, and I think anything in your life, you know, it's it's really kind of put.
• 44:33
  Yes. Having a vision and really going, okay, I have this vision.
• 44:37
  I want to do these things.
• 44:37
  That's important.
• 44:40
  But I think that if you aren't finding joy throughout that process, it's going to be harder to stick to it.
• 44:48
  I think once I know that there's there grit, it does take grit to be successful, especially as an entrepreneur.
• 44:57
  But what I have found, and one of the hardest things for me, was I was just gritting it out, and I had a place where I was on the brink of bumming.
• 45:08
  I was about burnout.
• 45:10
  I was about ready to throw in the towel.
• 45:12
  I was having major health struggles again, and it was like I had to stop and go, wait a minute.
• 45:19
  Like, what is the point of life we need to we?
• 45:23
  Yeah, let's have some joy through the journey of life.
• 45:27
  And so I think it's important to think about what brings you.
• 45:32
  I know joy comes from deep within us, but there are things that spark joy in our life.
• 45:38
  And whether that is the, you know, the I've got gardeners outside right now and I can hear the mowing, the grass, and I love the smell of fresh cut grass, whether it's a blue sky, whether it's my hug and kisses from my puppy dog, whether it's a song, whether it's dancing, whether it's working out, spending time with your loved ones, your kids, your partner, whatever it is.
• 46:03
  What brings you joy to add more of that into your life and to start to get very discerning on what you spend time on and what and who you spend time with.
• 46:19
  Yeah.
• 46:20
  And are are you really discerning?
• 46:23
  I feel like you work really hard.
• 46:25
  I feel like you're a very hard worker.
• 46:28
  Do you really take a lot of time for, for things now.
• 46:33
  I don't mean to call you out but I mean I, I just feel like you are a very hard worker.
• 46:38
  I am just laughing.
• 46:40
  Oh my goodness.
• 46:42
  I just love you for that question.
• 46:44
  Because, my new assistant, it's the first time I've ever had anyone that helps me with my schedule.
• 46:54
  And this morning I woke up and I was like, what the heck?
• 46:58
  What's going on with my schedule?
• 47:00
  I was supposed to have a 10: 00 am.
• 47:02
  I was supposed to have a 10: What happened to it and what did you catch?
• 47:04
  I was supposed to have a 10: Well, yeah.
• 47:04
  I was supposed to have a 10: I didn't think you were feeling that.
• 47:06
  I was supposed to have a 10: Well I'm like no no no no.
• 47:09
  I was supposed to have a 10: You before you cancel something you need to ask me.
• 47:12
  I was supposed to have a 10: But she it's it's hard maybe in the control freak that I am.
• 47:17
  I was supposed to have a 10: You know, I've never had anybody else help me with my schedule before.
• 47:21
  I was supposed to have a 10: And so she has been very helpful.
• 47:27
  I was supposed to have a 10: Like, know you started work at 5 a.m..
• 47:32
  I was supposed to have a 10: You are going to be finished with work by 5 p.m.
• 47:35
  I was supposed to have a 10: or she will say, that seems like a lot.
• 47:38
  I was supposed to have a 10: Yeah.
• 47:39
  I was supposed to have a 10: She like, but before she was I would just be go go go go go.
• 47:44
  I was supposed to have a 10: And also she's like, no, that's a no.
• 47:48
  I was supposed to have a 10: That's a no. That's a no.
• 47:50
  I was supposed to have a 10: And I love her.
• 47:52
  I was supposed to have a 10: It's really it's really helped.
• 47:54
  I was supposed to have a 10: It's hard to have somebody that yeah.
• 47:59
  I was supposed to have a 10: You know to kind of you feel like you're giving up that like your control over that role.
• 48:07
  I was supposed to have a 10: But you know what I had a good friend of mine say to me, she goes, she goes, your impact is only as strong as you are healthy.
• 48:15
  I was supposed to have a 10: That's right. And it's it's so true.
• 48:19
  I was supposed to have a 10: We cannot make the impact we want to make if we don't have our health.
• 48:27
  I was supposed to have a 10: And so health is top priority.
• 48:30
  I was supposed to have a 10: And, not always easy to do, but working on that you are.
• 48:37
  I was supposed to have a 10: What are some things that you're going to do today that are going to bring you joy?
• 48:43
  I was supposed to have a 10: Well, I'm super excited.
• 48:45
  I was supposed to have a 10: I just got a message right before our call that my daughter finished her AP exam, and she's going to be home early, so I love hanging out with my.
• 48:57
  I was supposed to have a 10: I know some people don't enjoy their teenagers.
• 49:01
  I was supposed to have a 10: My major is like the best she has.
• 49:04
  I was supposed to have a 10: Oh that's lovely. Awesome.
• 49:06
  I was supposed to have a 10: She is, amazing.
• 49:09
  I was supposed to have a 10: And we have so much fun together.
• 49:11
  I was supposed to have a 10: So I'm looking forward to hanging out with her.
• 49:13
  I was supposed to have a 10: I get to have, a phone call with one of my good friends.
• 49:18
  I was supposed to have a 10: After this call, and, let's see.
• 49:25
  I was supposed to have a 10: Well, I don't know.
• 49:26
  I was supposed to have a 10: And you know what?
• 49:26
  I was supposed to have a 10: This sounds kind of weird.
• 49:29
  I was supposed to have a 10: I love being organized and getting things organized.
• 49:33
  I was supposed to have a 10: And I will finally, finally, finally today.
• 49:37
  I was supposed to have a 10: If you could see my desk right now, I still have so much out on my desk from everything that went on from our annual event.
• 49:49
  I was supposed to have a 10: And so today I'm looking forward to actually wrapping all that, getting that tied up and done.
• 49:58
  I was supposed to have a 10: And it's crazy that it's been a week since our event, but it's taken that long just to kind of catch up from everything I like.
• 50:07
  I was supposed to have a 10: I get a little joy buzz from the organization too.
• 50:11
  I was supposed to have a 10: What do you want to talk about?
• 50:13
  I was supposed to have a 10: Your annual event.
• 50:14
  I was supposed to have a 10: When do you want to tell people what that is?
• 50:16
  I was supposed to have a 10: Yeah, we just wrapped it up.
• 50:18
  I was supposed to have a 10: It's called the Unstoppable Success Summit.
• 50:20
  I was supposed to have a 10: And, next we're doing something completely different.
• 50:25
  I was supposed to have a 10: So we're doing we're getting together in Kauai for a five day retreat.
• 50:31
  I was supposed to have a 10: We usually have, 2 to 3 day event this time.
• 50:35
  I was supposed to have a 10: Next we will be doing in July, a retreat together.
• 50:42
  I was supposed to have a 10: What is it? It's, it's.
• 50:45
  I was supposed to have a 10: Have you ever been to Kauai?
• 50:46
  I was supposed to have a 10: Yes. Oh.
• 50:48
  I was supposed to have a 10: Oh. Wait. No, I have not been to Kauai.
• 50:50
  I was supposed to have a 10: I've been, I think, everywhere else in Hawaii, I have not.
• 50:54
  I was supposed to have a 10: Yeah, that's that's like the gardening greenest part, isn't it?
• 50:57
  I was supposed to have a 10: It's beautiful. Yeah. It's.
• 51:00
  I was supposed to have a 10: Yeah, yeah. It's beautiful.
• 51:01
  I was supposed to have a 10: So we're meeting, 4 or 5 days.
• 51:05
  I was supposed to have a 10: July 13th through the 18th and doing really brainstorming, learning, masterminding and having fun.
• 51:17
  I was supposed to have a 10: So this is for women or who is this for?
• 51:20
  I was supposed to have a 10: For women.
• 51:21
  I was supposed to have a 10: And what do you what is the purpose of this group?
• 51:24
  I was supposed to have a 10: Unstoppable. It stoppable.
• 51:28
  I was supposed to have a 10: Yeah.
• 51:28
  I was supposed to have a 10: It's to bring like minded passion knit women who are out there that like they have a message, a message to share.
• 51:37
  I was supposed to have a 10: They are ready to make impact and they want to step up to the next level.
• 51:43
  I was supposed to have a 10: So it's a way to come together.
• 51:45
  I was supposed to have a 10: And I think, you know, like I said, I'm I'm huge on building community.
• 51:51
  I was supposed to have a 10: And I don't think any entrepreneur should have to do it alone.
• 51:56
  I was supposed to have a 10: I think that, you know, it can it can be hard and discouraging and depressing doing it all on your own. Yes.
• 52:07
  I was supposed to have a 10: And and so I just like bringing good women together.
• 52:12
  I was supposed to have a 10: And I so wish that you could have come to our event this past weekend, because I would have just, I did not realize you were in Austin, and I would have just gifted you a ticket to come.
• 52:26
  I was supposed to have a 10: Oh, you're so sweet.
• 52:27
  I was supposed to have a 10: I would have to.
• 52:28
  I was supposed to have a 10: Well, really love to have had had you there because it the the the women that get in the room.
• 52:35
  I was supposed to have a 10: Now, we do have some men come and it was interesting because I had some of the women say, well, I like that you have men that actually come to your event too, but it's a really good masculine energy.
• 52:49
  I was supposed to have a 10: I'm like, oh no, they're all amazing men that come.
• 52:51
  I was supposed to have a 10: Yeah, they're like huge supporters of women, you know?
• 52:56
  I was supposed to have a 10: But yeah, next event that I have will be having a retreat sometime in September in Dallas, and I'll let you know.
• 53:04
  I was supposed to have a 10: Okay?
• 53:05
  I was supposed to have a 10: I love to have the person.
• 53:06
  I was supposed to have a 10: I would love to love to hug you in person.
• 53:09
  I was supposed to have a 10: We'll just want to bring it back to our the theme.
• 53:13
  I was supposed to have a 10: I mean, we've covered a lot of things that really do help you age well, but what do you have any best advice for aging?
• 53:20
  I was supposed to have a 10: Well, sleep.
• 53:22
  I was supposed to have a 10: Sleep? How old are you? Okay.
• 53:26
  I was supposed to have a 10: 53 or my 54?
• 53:29
  I was supposed to have a 10: I'm like, do you ever get to the point where you're like, how I know, I don't know, I mean, I'm 56, but I say I'm 57 all the time.
• 53:36
  I was supposed to have a 10: I'm like, why am I skipping ahead?
• 53:38
  I was supposed to have a 10: So yeah, yeah.
• 53:41
  I was supposed to have a 10: No, I so you're three okay.
• 53:44
  I was supposed to have a 10: So sleep well.
• 53:46
  I was supposed to have a 10: You are lovely.
• 53:47
  I was supposed to have a 10: And so you think sleep is the best.
• 53:49
  I was supposed to have a 10: Are you a good sleeper?
• 53:50
  I was supposed to have a 10: So, I have tried to get a lot better about sleeping, and so I think that if I can get good sleep, that's when, you know, not just our bodies recover, but it's when we can get in that good state of sleep that our subconscious also recovers as well, and our brains work better.
• 54:15
  I was supposed to have a 10: And so I used to think, like, I just have to go, go, go and work harder and work longer.
• 54:21
  I was supposed to have a 10: And it's like, no, there's a time when I'm just like, nope, time to shut it down.
• 54:27
  I was supposed to have a 10: I do have like, an aura ring that's charging right now.
• 54:32
  I was supposed to have a 10: It's not on.
• 54:33
  I was supposed to have a 10: I think I need to get a new one.
• 54:35
  I was supposed to have a 10: I don't know if you know what the aura ring is, but it measures your sleep, right?
• 54:40
  I was supposed to have a 10: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 54:42
  I was supposed to have a 10: And mine keeps dying.
• 54:44
  I was supposed to have a 10: A lot like, I think it's just old.
• 54:47
  I was supposed to have a 10: I've worn it so much, and the.
• 54:49
  I was supposed to have a 10: It's not charging as long.
• 54:52
  I was supposed to have a 10: But that helps you.
• 54:54
  I was supposed to have a 10: It really tells you your deep sleep, every night.
• 54:58
  I was supposed to have a 10: And, I love it.
• 54:59
  I was supposed to have a 10: It's like having a journal of your sleep and your recovery, but I think that, good sleep and everything that we consume, I mean, not just what we eat, but what we watch, what we listen to, all of the things I agree with that.
• 55:20
  I was supposed to have a 10: Do you have a favorite health or beauty product?
• 55:28
  I was supposed to have a 10: Yeah, actually, I would say that something that I use every single day and I have for years is I think gut health is extremely important.
• 55:40
  I was supposed to have a 10: And so every morning I wake up and the first thing I do is I have a gut health supplement that I pour, poured into my water.
• 55:50
  I was supposed to have a 10: And I drink that and a few supplements I take every night to help with gut health.
• 55:57
  I was supposed to have a 10: So I think that is probably one of my that's one thing that I do like.
• 56:02
  I was supposed to have a 10: I think it's important to have, you know, like your your list of non-negotiables, things that you do.
• 56:10
  I was supposed to have a 10: And it's funny because my husband saw me the other morning, he was sitting in the dark in the living room.
• 56:15
  I was supposed to have a 10: I didn't know he was awake.
• 56:16
  I was supposed to have a 10: And he was sitting in the chair in the dark, and he sees me.
• 56:19
  I was supposed to have a 10: I'm like a zombie.
• 56:20
  I was supposed to have a 10: I wake up in the morning and I'm just down.
• 56:22
  I was supposed to have a 10: And this bottle of water with the my gut health supplement in it, and he just starts laughing.
• 56:29
  I was supposed to have a 10: And I was like, oh, he goes, oh my gosh, you just downed that.
• 56:33
  I was supposed to have a 10: And I was like, yeah, this is what I do every single morning.
• 56:37
  I was supposed to have a 10: This is what I do, do you have a best piece of advice just period.
• 56:41
  I was supposed to have a 10: Not not age related, but what's your best piece of advice?
• 56:44
  I was supposed to have a 10: I would say listen to your gut.
• 56:47
  I was supposed to have a 10: Took me a long time to trust my gut again.
• 56:52
  I was supposed to have a 10: And you know what?
• 56:53
  I was supposed to have a 10: Our heads might say?
• 56:54
  I was supposed to have a 10: Something our heart might say something.
• 56:56
  I was supposed to have a 10: Our gut never lies.
• 56:58
  I was supposed to have a 10: So always trust your gut and listen to your gut.
• 57:01
  I was supposed to have a 10: That is really true.
• 57:03
  I was supposed to have a 10: That is true.
• 57:04
  I was supposed to have a 10: Well, Amberly, you're just so lovely and so wonderful and I wish you all the best.
• 57:10
  I was supposed to have a 10: Thank you.
• 57:11
  I was supposed to have a 10: Thank you so much, I.
• 57:15
  I was supposed to have a 10: Thanks for listening, friend.
• 57:17
  I was supposed to have a 10: From my heart to yours.
• 57:19
  I was supposed to have a 10: Be well. Until we meet again.