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Stephanie O'Dea on Slow Living · Dishing with Stephanie's Dish

• 0:11
  SPEAKER_02: Hello,
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_02: everybody,
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_02: and welcome to Dishing with Stephanie's Dish,
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_02: the podcast where we talk to people that are cookbook writers,
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_02: people that love food.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_02: And today we have kind of a special podcast.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_02: It is my pleasure to talk with Stephanie O'Day.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_02: And Stephanie and I first crossed paths, boy, probably maybe 12 years ago when I ran across your book.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_02: You were the crockpot queen at that time.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_02: You had 365 days of slow cooking.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_02: And you had a Crock-Pot book that is still in my kitchen.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I've recycled a lot of cookbooks, but not yours.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: Make it slow, cook it fast.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_02: And you became sort of this Crock-Pot personality.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_02: And I was checking in with you on a couple of Crock-Pot things for Crocktober,
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_02: which is my favorite month of the year.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_02: And you were like, yeah, I can do crockpot things.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_02: But really, I've evolved into this other whole being of slow living.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_02: And welcome to the program.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_02: I'm so excited to talk to you.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for having me.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: The crockpot lady was super fun.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: I liked being the crockpot lady.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: And it worked really, really well until all of a sudden,
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: It just didn't.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I started to feel a little fake and phony in my brain and my body,
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: because,
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: as you know,
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: in order to write for the Internet,
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: you have to consistently like pump out content.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: And and after a while,
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: I kind of thought,
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: well,
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: gosh,
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: Steph,
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: how how how many pot roast recipes does the world really need?
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: And it was tricky because that first cookbook,
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: the Make It Fast,
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: Cook It Slow cookbook,
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: it spent six weeks on the New York Times bestsellers list and did really,
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: really well.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: So my literary agent, my book publishers, they wanted me to consistently read.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: create recipes and tweak them.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: And as you know,
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: in order to write a quote unquote new recipe for the internet or for a cookbook,
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: you really just have to change the name and change an ingredient or two and write
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: like some beginning and head notes and end notes and call it a day.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: But it really started to not kind of align with my ethics and morals.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I felt really uncomfortable.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: And then it legit came to a head in 2016 with the invention of the Instant Pot.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: And all of a sudden,
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: everyone's like,
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: you've got to translate your recipes from the Crock-Pot to the Instant Pot,
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: to the pressure cooker.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: And so I bought one and I goofed around with it.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I get it.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: The tech part is fun.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's really exciting for some people to cook a frozen chicken in 45 minutes at 5 o'clock at night.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: For me, I didn't like it.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: My brain, my body wants to put the food on in the morning.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: 6 a.m., 7 a.m.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm fully awake.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm highly caffeinated.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: I can push a button and walk away.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: The idea of having to cook at five o'clock when I'm already hungry,
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: the kids are already like hangry and frustrated.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: Just it didn't work for me.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: So so I got fired.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: You fired yourself, though.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: In effect.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Sort of.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's so sort of, except for the publishers legit did fire me.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you know, publishers fire people all the time.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_02: That's not a big deal.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_02: So you're not feeling consistent with your brand,
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_02: this thing you've built,
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_02: this thing you've created and put all this energy into.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_02: And how did you know that what you liked was the slow living aspects of it and
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_02: and make that transition because I imagine that was pretty hard.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I took some time off from the internet and I actually got a real job,
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: which is great because once you're not worried about making money,
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: you can be creative again.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: And, and that's what ended up happening.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I sort of had this like voice of God say,
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: hey, just because you can do something fast, it doesn't mean you should.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I live in Silicon Valley.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: And so everything is fast.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: People drive too fast.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: I joke with friends that like Teslas are pigeons here.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: They're everywhere and they do not stop.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't think it's good for humans.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I certainly can see it firsthand with children that doing things in a rushed
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: way or feeling like you're behind or you have to catch up.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: And it feeds this feeling of inadequacy and franticness in your body that's not healthy.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so-
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: I started to really think about it and I did a lot of research,
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: took up yoga,
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: took up meditation,
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: did a lot of research on therapy practices,
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: trauma-informed practices,
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: and started the Slow Living podcast in 2021.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: And from there, my new book is Slow Living, Cultivating a Life of Purpose in a Hustle-Driven World.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_02: When you,
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_02: so you've got this whole brand now and all of these things,
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_02: I imagine you had to like essentially start over and rebrand and become this new
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_02: person that you always were this person,
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_02: but leaning into that.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_02: And it's funny that I'm talking to you today because I literally just had a meeting this week about like,
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: oh, for SEO, you need to do this and you need to do that.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_02: And maybe we don't make so many recipes.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe we just do this.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly where the joy of what I do started, it has become a business.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_02: And
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_02: I'm feeling that for you and myself,
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_02: like this thing you love,
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_02: this thing you start,
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_02: this thing that feels so fun.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_02: And then you're just like,
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_02: is this like,
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_02: am I just a bot here to just create all this stuff and have it literally just be like,
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_02: okay,
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just a robot.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's really something else.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: And the Internet is not normal.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: And when you live and work on the Internet, you start to think that's real.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: And it takes maybe some unplugging and some stepping aside.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: I really like nature.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: We're lucky in that our family has a cabin.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so just sitting on the porch and listening to the birds and watching the squirrels,
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like,
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: so that's actual real life.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: This fake stuff is phony.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so leaning into that.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: And then I have three children.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: And then I'm just watching them and watching their wonderment.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I want them to have hope and optimism.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: For the future.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes if you get sucked up in this kind of fast-paced hustle culture,
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: people think,
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: oh,
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: your kids will never be able to afford this.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: Or, oh, like the world is going to hell in a handbasket.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like I don't want to raise my children with that thought process.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: So deciding on purpose what it is you really want out of life.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: Not the things you need to do.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: Not feeding the internet beast.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: But what is it you really want?
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: What lights you up?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: Well,
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: for me,
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: it's juicy afternoons where I can take a nap,
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: plenty of time to garden,
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: do yoga,
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: being present when my children are talking to me and not feeling like,
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: oh,
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: I better answer this Instagram message.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: No,
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: probably the Instagram message is what you can put on pause and paying attention to
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: the babies in the room is what's important.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_02: So let's talk specifically about a couple of, I guess we'll call them tips.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_02: I don't mean to simplify it to that level,
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_02: but of how someone who wants to be more present can start moving into a slower
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_02: living lifestyle.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_02: And then I want to ask you,
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_02: because what's striking to me is we're talking about this low living and a
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_02: purpose-driven life,
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_02: as it were.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_02: And yet you are recreating like this content again around this slow living practice
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_02: with a podcast,
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_02: with a number of books,
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_02: with decluttering ideas and ways to simplify your life.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_02: So it's sort of like this oxymoron too.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's interesting.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: So the first tip and my first suggestion would be to allow yourself to daydream and to wander.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: Let your brain wander.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_02: I just had like a deep breath when you said that because it drives me crazy when
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_02: like my husband does that because I'm like,
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_02: we need to know where we're going.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what are you doing?
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_02: What are you thinking?
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_02: But for him, and he's a creative person, he's a writer.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_02: That's how he gets his energy.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, definitely for me too.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: Definitely.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: So, so I am an introvert.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: And so I love being alone in my brain.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's super fun in there.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: When I was little,
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: I used to get in trouble for daydreaming,
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: especially in class and doodling and all of that kind of stuff.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: But in order for me to have that brain space, I get up really early.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: And that's me time.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: So we're recording this 6 a.m.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: California time.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: I've been up since 4.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: And to many people, that sounds weird.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: horrible, like the definition of hustle culture.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I get that.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: So how I marry the two is nobody wants anything from me at this time.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's me alone with my brain, my journal, my pot of coffee.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: I lay out my yoga mat.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: I stretch when I want to stretch.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: I listen to my body.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: I write down ideas.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: Coming up with content for the podcast is
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: is a joy.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: There's so much I want to talk about and do it in 20 to 30-minute segments that I
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: don't see how that could get turned off or I would feel burnt out because I'm a
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: lifelong learner.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: I enjoy researching.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: I enjoy learning.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: I enjoy talking to you.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: This is fun for me.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: This does not feel like work in any way.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: Coming up with another way to make
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: a smoked jalapeno pot roast does start to feel like work because I've already done that.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I do believe in for lucky life is long and we continue to evolve and grow and change.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: My oldest is 23 today.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: And so this morning when I was journaling, I'm like, okay, well, where was I 23 years ago?
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: What was I doing?
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: What did I look like?
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: What were my thoughts?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: What were my fears?
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: And
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so thrilled that I'm better, stronger, more confident than I was then.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what I would want for you and for your listeners is the idea that you
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: have to cram it all in now.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: That's hustle culture.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: That's feeling as if you're behind or if what you're doing isn't good enough.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: If we're lucky, life is long.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: So where I am in 23 more years,
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: I'll be in my 70s.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, what does that look like?
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I want to continue to do yoga.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: I want to garden.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: I want to crawl around on the floor with my grandchildren.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: Well, in order to get there, probably I don't need to work more.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: Probably what I need to do is
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: Relax and make sure that I'm taking my supplements and I'm drinking enough water
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: and I'm paying attention to my joint health and all of that kind of thing.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_02: It is a shift because I think people unwind in different ways.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_02: But we're in this space where we don't really prioritize relaxation.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_02: You know, like there's always like places to go, things to do, closets to organize, meals to cook.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: Even like exercise has become like a hustle, right?
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_02: You know, like everything we do is framed in that.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_02: I'll call it the hustle culture like you did, because I think people can really resonate with that.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_02: And it is hard to get off of that.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_02: And I find that the more I'm in it and the more I'm doing it,
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_02: the less I even can observe what that would feel like.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I don't know how to relax.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_02: I used to.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: And it's tricky because not knowing how to relax.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: First off, knowing is the first step.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: So good for you.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_01: Pay attention to that because now you know what to work on.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: Unfortunately,
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: what people do to turn off their brain is they turn to numbing techniques such as alcohol,
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: drugs,
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: endless mindless scrolling,
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: and overconsumption.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: That isn't going to help.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: your long-term trajectory of a life well-lived,
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: um,
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: of,
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: of life filled with kind of tranquility and peace,
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: which in general,
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: most people are actually chasing.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: They think they have to delay their happiness,
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: their feeling of contentment because there's too much to do.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: So, um, so FOMO, fear of missing out is what drives lots and lots of that.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: So this new book, um,
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: is filled with acronyms and that's cause that's how my brain works.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_01: And my brain is super into acronyms because when I was about seven or eight,
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: my grandpa who was in the military told me that the word snafu had a bad word in it.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: So it's situation normal, all effed up, but he actually said the word.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: So for me,
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like my mind was blown that grownups were hiding a bad word in another word.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: So like I've always rewritten acronyms.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: So FOMO for me and for my readers is figure only myself out.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: Because when you know deep down inside who you are, what you stand for,
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: what is important to you and what makes you different is completely different than anyone else.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm glad that you brought up like exercise hustle.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_01: There are people at the gym hurting themselves because the plan they're on says
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: they have to do 25 reps,
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: but their body needs to stop at 12.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: But they're pushing themselves and they're actually creating damage in their joints
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: because they're not listening to their own body.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: And that's a problem.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: You have to decide what works for you when you're in a good mood and then consistently do that thing.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's just interesting.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I think about this a lot that we've had the phone.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_02: I think we've had the phone for what, like, I want to say 15 years now, maybe 16.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_02: And it has changed so much in life.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_02: And I think about Steve Jobs sometimes and just like he put this amazing technology
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_02: in our hands and in our pockets.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_02: And I wonder if he was still alive today in some respects,
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_02: how he would be ruining that day or how maybe he would be living intentionally
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_02: differently because the phone is such a gift and the computer is such a gift.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_02: But at the same time, it can also be kind of a curse.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_02: Are you good about like there's different strategies for like time blocks and,
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_02: like you're going to do this to this time and that to that time.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_02: And then you're going to turn off your phone for this time.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_02: Like in practice, do you do some of that to just give yourself space other than the early morning time?
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I do,
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: I teach time blocking and I sort of liken it to a,
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: like a,
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: a classroom,
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: whereas this is circle time.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: This is recess time.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: This is that time.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: So yes, I, I can pay attention to that.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: And then I also want to point out that you're right.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think Steve jobs would like this because he is a creative guy and he would put on his calendar a
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: lots of brain breaks for himself to unplug and be alone with his thoughts.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: And he would go on long meandering walks.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: Again, I live in Silicon Valley, so I see this firsthand.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: And because of this, I am not an early adopter to any
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: sort of technology.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: I am hesitant and I am skeptical and I want to see how it works for other people
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: and whether or not it's actually helping them or hindering them before I decide to
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: go in.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_01: A great book that you might really like is Kara Swisher's Burn book,
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: where it talks about the early days of Silicon Valley and all of those kind of things.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: the apps and the different sites are designed to addict you.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: And you know this because I'm certain you have gone to food blogging and different conferences and
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: where they teach you how to keep the people on your site and trick them into
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: clicking this and doing this and wait,
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: just wait,
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: there's more.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_01: And that is neat maybe for the first little bit when you're learning how the tech works,
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_01: but then later it can really make you feel uncomfortable.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I want people to gravitate towards me
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: not feel like they were duped into something.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_02: It's so funny to hear you talk about what we're all chasing in a way that is almost harmful and damaging.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_02: Really?
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah,
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_02: I just I was on a trip recently for two weeks on a boat and going to Croatia and
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_02: seeing all these beautiful things.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I still had to work a little bit.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_02: And every morning, you know, I would sit and I would do a couple hours worth of work.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_02: And my husband looked at me one day and he's like, well, you know, you're a workaholic, right?
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, really?
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_02: Like, and he was like, oh yeah, totally.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_02: Like you get all of your value as a human from your work and you're framing your
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_02: whole life in this context of the work output.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_02: And he was like, at this point in your life, Stephanie, you've worked more than most people.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_02: So like your quality and quantity of work, you've already reached it.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_02: What's next?
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_02: It was so surprising and shocking to me.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_02: And he was just laughing.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_02: He was like, wait, am I the first person that's ever put this into your brain?
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_02: And we work from home and we have creative lives.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_02: He's, like I said, an author and I'm doing this food thing.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a broadcaster.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_02: You just, it catches up where all of a sudden, like everything is just this one big ball of thing.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: And especially if you are an entrepreneur and you have no choice because you have
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: that sort of intrinsic belief system of the harder I work,
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_01: the luckier I'll get,
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: which is,
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_01: I guess,
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_01: true.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_01: contributed back to Eleanor Roosevelt,
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: who's a lovely lady and she's great,
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: but I want you,
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_01: and I would want your readers and listeners to know that you're worthy no matter what.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I think,
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: um,
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_01: I think what happens and sometimes it happens in school and sometimes it happens
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_01: with our parents is we believe not doing anything means that you're lazy and,
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: um,
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: you can be a lump on a log,
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_01: uh,
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: especially if you work on the internet,
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_01: you can be a lump on a log and still get paid.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because you don't actually really know where the people are coming from, how they found you.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_01: So, so I like to, um,
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: to kind of,
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: if I'm coaching someone,
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: I give them a triangle or I have them draw a triangle on a piece of paper and draw
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: a line down the middle.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_01: And on the left, you're listing all of the things that you're doing.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: So you're sending out your newsletter, you're updating some images, you're doing this, you're doing that.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then when your day is done, your day is done.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: And then the other side is the belief system that God
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_01: or the universe, or whatever feels good in your brain and your body will meet you halfway.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: You've done your part,
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: but you can't be a control freak about the other part because it's legit out of
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: your hands.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe, maybe for you, that would be helpful or uncomfortable.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_01: Probably putting some parameters on yourself that my day is done no matter what at.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: insert time here, whatever feels good.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_01: Because there's always something more to do.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: There's always more tweaking.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_01: You can always find a dead link.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: God almighty, there are so many dead links.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_02: I do think too, like some of this is changing because of society.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_02: You know,
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_02: when we left work at,
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_02: 5.30 or five or whatever it was,
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_02: and you drove home,
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_02: for people that was,
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_02: I think an average commute was 22 minutes,
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_02: which is why podcasts are 22 to 30 minutes.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_02: You would have that time to unwind and then you enter into your family life.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_02: With all of us,
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_02: many of us creative people for sure working from home and this culture shifting of
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_02: working at home and also that you should be available 24-7 to your employer,
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_02: to your listeners,
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_02: to your readers,
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_02: whatever your situation is.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_02: There's been so much scope creep into our personal lives.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: So if someone writes to you,
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: if you send an email and you don't get a response for a day and someone says,
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: I was out of town just seeing this now.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: Are you mad at that person or is your thought good for you?
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_02: Good for them.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: So what if you shifted that and decided to be proud of yourself for taking time off?
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_02: And also, why do we have to preface it with an excuse?
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_02: 24 hours is an incredibly normal time to be responding to someone.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_02: I do think about people's lives.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_02: What is happening in your life, in your real life?
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_02: You just don't know what people are going through.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_02: You don't know what people's challenges are.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_02: You don't know what's happening with their kids.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_02: You don't know where their mental health is at.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_02: There's just so much that's unknowable.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's absolutely true.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: So when you get to know yourself and you feel confident that you're doing the right thing,
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_01: then however someone else wants to perceive you is on them.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: So with this new book, the acronym for SLOW, because again, super huge acronym junkie,
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: is to simply look only within.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_01: And so if you know you're making the right choice for you, who cares what other people think?
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_01: That's a them thing.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_02: I am so glad that I talked to you today.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_02: And I know you've been super generous about allowing me to share a couple of crockpot recipes.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_02: And I'll do that because people come to me for recipes, probably first and foremost.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_02: But along the way,
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_02: we get to discover cool things about ourselves,
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_02: about others,
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_02: about the group of society that we live in.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_02: And food is just a way of nourishing and creating community anyway.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_02: So I feel like, you know, this is an extension of that.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_02: When you're a mom,
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_02: I think time becomes so fraught with challenges too,
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_02: because you're supposed to give all to your kids and you maybe even want to give
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_02: all to your kids.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like that's pretty natural.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_02: Do you feel like moms have a harder time slowing down?
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yes and no.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's interesting.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_01: It depends on probably how they frame their mind.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_01: So for me, I am a-okay to sit on the floor and play Candyland and read a story and do a puzzle.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_01: I have a background in early childhood education and development.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_01: I used to run preschool centers for homeless children.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I actually know how helpful that slowing down and one-on-one learning
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_01: attention is for children.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_01: So I know that it's actually helping them in the long run.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so me putting my like desire to check email or something on pause in order to
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: give that to them feels completely natural.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_01: So it doesn't bother me at all.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_01: I can see for some people might think that it's a quote unquote waste of time.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_01: And
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: sort of an iPad, give me five more minutes, give me five more minutes.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_01: Shoving your child off consistently has detrimental effects.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_01: It makes them feel as if their wants and needs aren't important.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_01: They start to mask and start to think that the grownup in the room,
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_01: their parent or something is more important.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_01: And that creates long-term feelings of inadequacy, feelings of unworthiness and feeling less than,
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: which in sense is why then people turn to the Internet,
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_01: turn to Internet strangers,
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_01: look for validation outside of them because they don't feel strong and stable within.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_01: So pay attention to that.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_01: As far as too much to do and not enough time to do it,
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_01: I do think when you're taking care of other humans,
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_01: that's tricky.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_01: And so, again, that's why I personally like to set myself up for success in the day.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_01: I fill my own cup first.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_01: Even when I had babies in the bed and nursing around the clock,
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_01: I would try and roll away very carefully to then go spend some time,
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_01: usually in the bathroom all by myself.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_02: Your five minutes, my five minutes.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's really why I was so into the crockpot is I could front load my
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_01: day because I never knew who I was going to pick up from school.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_01: Are they in a good mood?
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_01: Are they in a bad mood?
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_01: Is soccer practice going to run late?
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_01: Did someone twist their ankle and now all of a sudden we're going to the emergency room?
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_01: Knowing that dinner was hot and ready and waiting was such a stress reliever.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: It also helped us stick to our budget and kept us out of the drive-thru lane and
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: ordering out and all of that kind of stuff.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_01: So it was very, very helpful and useful practical tool at the time when I had little babies in the house.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_02: It's really,
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_02: we start out thinking about you as the crockpot lady,
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_02: but where we are with you today is really satisfying and not unrelated,
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_02: right?
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_02: Because you have different moons and phases of your life that all of the things you
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_02: did before kind of prepare you and lead you to that road.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um, this has really been super fun to talk to you.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_02: I'm going to get your book, Slow Living.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_02: You have your podcast and where do you want people to find you?
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_02: Do you want them to follow you?
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_02: Do you want them to not follow you?
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so yeah, so I, I have really good boundaries for myself.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_01: So anyone can email me at any time.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_01: I am a real person.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, uh, the website is stephanioday.com.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_01: And the book is Slow Living, Cultivating a Life of Purpose in a Hustle-Driven World.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for having me.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, for sure.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_01: And do you ever get to Minneapolis?
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, so I am really trying to create a book tour.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: So I would like to go to all of the places.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_01: That's one nice thing about my children getting older is it opens up a lot more
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_01: room to travel and not feeling guilty.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_02: Well, if you get to Minneapolis, let me know.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_02: I'd be happy to help promote the word that you're here.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_02: And if you need anybody to spend time with or interview you,
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_02: there's a lot of good purpose driven folks in the Twin Cities that are thinking
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_02: about some of the same ideas that you're thinking about.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_02: So.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_01: That sounds great.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_01: And then I can hug you in real life.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_02: And it's always just good.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_02: You know,
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like I have been following you for a long time,
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_02: so it's really fun to catch up and see this transition for you.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_02: I'm excited about it and I'm excited to help share the story to simply only look within, slow down.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like you were divinely in my day, specifically right on time.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_02: So thank you for being here, Stephanie.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_02: We'll talk soon.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_02: Bye-bye.