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Sex and Needs: Pornography, Expectations, and Real Intimacy · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for July 17, 2026 Sex and Needs Pornography,
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  Expectations, and Real Intimacy Talking about sex and needs is always prickly.
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  I'm going to start with one you probably didn't see coming. A wife's need for
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  her husband to not look at porn is absolutely valid.
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  Aside from being sin, looking at porn is grossly disrespectful to women in general,
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  and to the wife in particular.
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  It makes her feel her husband is not aroused by her, and when they have sex,
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  she feels she is being used to drain off his porn-created lust.
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  I've heard all the excuses and claims. There are lies and justifications.
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  Greater depressive symptoms are associated with increased use of pornography.
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  Additionally, porn use correlates with significantly lower sexual function and
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  sexual satisfaction and higher rates of sexual dysfunction.
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  There are links for those studies in the show notes.
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  If you use porn, stop. If you can't stop on your own, get help.
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  I highly recommend Be Broken Ministries, There's a link in the show notes.
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  Next, of course, is frequency of sex. It's fair to discuss want versus need here.
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  A lot of men would like to have sex daily, or even more often.
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  If you have a life, that's difficult and probably unreasonable.
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  But it does tell us that most men have such a drive, and dismissing it because
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  you find it annoying isn't loving.
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  When I discussed a patch-up job for sex yesterday, I suggested doing something every three days.
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  Most men, especially those under 50, would find that less than what is needed.
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  And if most men feel that way, it's difficult to claim the need is not valid.
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  As I've said in the past, this is mostly about perspective. If she feels used
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  having sex every other day, it's going to be difficult for her to meet his need.
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  If she sees his sexual needs as valid and considers meeting that need as part
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  of how she loves and cares for him it will be far easier.
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  If Hubby's looking at porn or ignoring his wife's needs her feeling used as a sex object is on him.
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  If he is a decent guy avoiding porn and lust for other women and meets her needs
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  well then her feeling used is about something other than him.
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  This is Paul and caring for your spouse is the first step to doing sex well.