Latest / Let's Get Emotional / Understanding Pride: How Healthy Pride Builds Confidence, Self-Esteem & Emotional Resilience | Let's Get Emotional

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Understanding Pride: How Healthy Pride Builds Confidence, Self-Esteem & Emotional Resilience | Let's Get Emotional · Let's Get Emotional

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I want you to say this out loud.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: I am proud of myself for and fill in that blank.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: And it may just be I'm proud of myself for getting out of bed today, getting dressed, and getting on with my day.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: But fill in, I'm proud of myself for today.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of us move through life going through the motions, and we don't always pause long enough to notice what we're feeling.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: And when someone asks how we are, it can feel easier to give the polished answer because we're not always sure anyone really wants the honest one.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: So here we slow it down and name what's real.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Let's Get Emotional.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Let's Get Emotional is an educational podcast hosted by myself, Tatiana Rojas, licensed marriage and family therapist, and Dr.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: Jennifer Martin Schatz.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: Each episode focuses on one emotion, and today's emotion is pride.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: We break it down in a way that's clear, human, and practical so you can understand what's happening inside you and what to do with it.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: Our mission is simple.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: Help you understand what you're feeling, name it with more clarity, and respond in ways that support your life and your relationships.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast is for education and general information only.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: It isn't therapy and it doesn't replace mental health care.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: If you're in crisis or need immediate support, please contact either your local emergency services or crisis hotline in your area.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: You can also reach out to 988 via phone or text.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: Now let's remind you of some definitions we've covered in previous episodes.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: The first definition is emotions.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: Emotions are quick automatic reactions that occur in both the body and brain.
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  SPEAKER_01: They act as signals, often appearing before we can even describe them in words.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: These responses provide information.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: Your internal system's way of letting you know that something important is happening, such as concerns about safety, connection, fairness, loss, threat, desire, or meaning.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: Next is feelings.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: Your feelings are conscious experience of emotions.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: They are the words you use to name what's happening, plus the meaning you attach to it based on your history, culture, beliefs, and relationships.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: If an emotion is a body-based signal, a feeling is a label you put on it.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: Finally, we have moods.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: Moods are longer-lasting emotional states, more like emotional weather.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: You can be in an irritable mood, a low mood, or a tender mood for hours or days, sometimes without one clear trigger.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: Emotions are the spark, feelings are the label, moods are the climate.
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  SPEAKER_01: And now let's talk about our definition for our emotion today: pride.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: So what is the definition of pride?
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  SPEAKER_00: Pride is a complex emotion and is described as the quality or state of being proud, such as a reasonable or maybe even at times excessive self-esteem, meaning confidence and satisfactions in oneself, a higher or excessive opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in conduct.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: It may also be pleasure that comes from some relationship, association, achievement, or possession that is seen as a source of honor or respect.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Pride may be a behavior that reflects an attitude.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it can also be demonstrated as respect and appreciation for oneself and others as members of a group, and especially by a marginalized group.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: We may have heard it also to describe an event or series of events celebrating and affirming the rights, equality, and culture of the LGBTQ community.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: It can also be a person or thing that makes you feel proud, so a source of pride, or as some may even know it to mean, a group of lions living together.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: So a pride of lions.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: We may also hear this referenced in different forms of words, obviously, as pleased, honored, delighted, satisfied, gratified, dignified, or admirable.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: So now that we've talked a little bit about the definition of pride, let's talk about some phrases and words we may hear about it.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk a little bit about how we might experience this through our lifespan.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: So pride doesn't always sound the same at every age, but it usually has the same energy underneath it.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: I did something hard and I can feel good about that.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: With kiddos, maybe under the age of five, it's simple.
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  SPEAKER_00: It looks like what I did, or I did it.
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  SPEAKER_00: Watch me.
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  SPEAKER_00: I'm big.
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  SPEAKER_00: I'm good at this.
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  SPEAKER_00: I did it by myself.
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  SPEAKER_00: Yay me, or good job.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and you can usually see pride all over the body.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's a big smile, bright eyes, stand a little taller with their chest up, they clap, they bounce, they bop around, they may even run over to show you maybe what they did or completed.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: You can feel that excited energy in their arms and legs, and there's usually a clear request underneath it.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Notice me, celebrate with me, give me a high five.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: And then we have kids five and up that start putting more words to their effort.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: They'll say things like, I'm proud of myself, I worked really hard, I got better, I didn't give up, I did something hard.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: I might say I'm really good at this or I can do this.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: And their body often matches that steady confidence, such as a warm chest, calmer breathing, shoulders back or dropped.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: They're head up and head held high, maintaining eye contact.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: They may feel lighter or more energized, and they usually want to share the win with someone who matters to them.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: And for teens, pride can sound a little bit more grown and sometimes a little bit more surprised.
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  SPEAKER_00: You might hear, I'm proud of myself.
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  SPEAKER_00: I actually did it.
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  SPEAKER_00: I pulled it off.
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  SPEAKER_00: I'm glad I tried.
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  SPEAKER_00: That was hard, but I handled it.
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  SPEAKER_00: I'm improving.
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  SPEAKER_00: I proved to myself I can do this.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: And in the body, pride often feels like the chest opening up, feeling full, steady, and grounded.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Their face reflects, there's less tension and relaxes, and it's the energized but calm feeling.
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  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes there's a real urge to celebrate or at least tell someone because pride wants to be witnessed.
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  SPEAKER_00: I think this is where we also start to see that little complex part of the emotion start to come out a little bit more around this age.
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  SPEAKER_00: And finally, for adults, pride often becomes less about the moment and more about the meaning.
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  SPEAKER_00: Sounds like I'm proud of myself.
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  SPEAKER_00: I showed up even though it was hard.
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  SPEAKER_00: I followed through.
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  SPEAKER_00: I was able to handle that.
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  SPEAKER_00: I handled that well.
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  SPEAKER_00: I kept my word to myself.
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  SPEAKER_00: I earn this.
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  SPEAKER_00: I'm becoming someone I respect.
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  SPEAKER_00: And in the body, adult pride tends to feel like expansion, an upright posture, lifted chest, warmth in the chest or face, steadier breath, grounded legs and feet, the shoulders and jaws soften, and there's this calm confidence that says I can trust myself.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: So now that we know a little bit more about what pride is and how it might show up, let's talk about what research tells us about the emotion of pride.
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  SPEAKER_01: So looking at the research, I want you to think for a second.
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  SPEAKER_01: Do you allow yourself to feel proud or do you immediately minimize your accomplishments?
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: Many high-functioning caregivers or chronically ill individuals struggle with pride.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: And pride is often mislabeled as arrogance.
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  SPEAKER_01: So today we're redefining pride, not as ego, but as a necessary emotion.
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  SPEAKER_01: So research says that pride is this sort of self-conscious, self-awareness emotion.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: And it is an internal evaluation often of our behavior.
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  SPEAKER_01: So some key researchers are Jessica Tracy, Richard Robbins, and their core finding is that pride is not just one emotion, it has two distinct forms.
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  SPEAKER_01: So if we look at the first form, this is authentic pride, and this is more adaptive.
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  SPEAKER_01: This is based on effort, persistence, specific behaviors.
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  SPEAKER_01: We have this internal narrative we tell ourselves, such as, I worked hard, I'm improving.
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  SPEAKER_01: Research shows that with this authentic pride, there's some empirical evidence with higher self-esteem, increased motivation, and greater emotional regulation.
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  SPEAKER_01: In our second type, this is more hubristic pride or maladaptive.
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  SPEAKER_01: And this is more of a global identity of I am superior.
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  SPEAKER_01: That internal, you know, sort of narrative is I'm better than others.
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  SPEAKER_01: And this is associated with narcissism, aggression, and sort of a fragile self-worth.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: So those are the two sort of main types that research differentiates, right?
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: This adaptive and maladaptive type.
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  SPEAKER_01: Now let's look further into psychologically what happens.
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  SPEAKER_01: So the first thing we see is reinforcement and motivation.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: So pride acts as this reward signal, and it strengthens behaviors through positive reinforcement.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: Next, we have self-efficacy, and this is Albert Bandura's work.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it is pride increases the belief in one's ability to succeed, and it also enhances persistence after we fail at something.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: And then third is this identity development that pride helps form our stable self-concept, meaning making, and long-term goal alignment or reaching our long-term goals, making those long-term goals.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: So those three areas we can see definitely with our functioning.
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  SPEAKER_01: Some barriers we might see to feeling pride, right?
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  SPEAKER_01: This internal barrier of perfectionism, imposter syndrome, even shame conditioning.
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  SPEAKER_01: There also might be some cultural barriers, such as messaging of don't be prideful or confusion with arrogance.
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  SPEAKER_01: And then also a barrier we see is trauma related, that difficulty internalizing success and reliance on external validation.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: So, what does pride feel like?
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  SPEAKER_01: And research differentiates between physical, emotional, and cognitive.
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  SPEAKER_01: So physical, upright posture, open chest, calm energy, emotional, satisfaction, grounded confidence, and then cognitive, that recognition of effort and that balanced self-appraisal.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: So in looking at what the research says, going back to the two types, right?
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: That authentic pride, right?
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  SPEAKER_01: That being sort of the focus of the healthy pride, if you will, right?
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: I worked hard, I'm improving, that internal narrative of positivity, but not narcissistic, right?
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: Not I'm better than anyone else.
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  SPEAKER_01: So I want to take a pause there and see if there's anything else you want to add.
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  SPEAKER_00: What's coming up, like as you were sharing, and I just went back to kind of some of the body like feeling.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I think this is one.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, if we were to all kind of pause and kind of remember a moment where we felt proud of something we did or we were a part of, or whatever that may be.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, as I was kind of reflecting on that, I just really feel like there's a steadiness that comes with this feeling in particular and this emotion of how that can be displayed.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, also just the power within it as well.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um even thinking through maybe things that may be said or expressed, I think, as I was sharing and talking about like that.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: I did a good job, or the acknowledgement.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's so reinforcing when we also hear those things from other people about how they're proud of us, you know, in some ways.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I know we want to be careful with how much we kind of take in the messaging from others, but just how you know, as parents to kiddos, how helpful that is for their self-esteem and their ability to build resilience and all of these things, like this is definitely one of those strong ones.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: And so just here and feel like a steadiness about this particular um emotion and feeling.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: So, any any other thoughts for you?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think also we should have moments in our young adult and adult life that are proud moments, you know.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_01: Graduating, for example, graduating high school, college, trade school, you know, anything like that should be a proud moment.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_01: That is that is an accomplishment.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, also a job promotion or a job change where maybe you're getting paid more, or maybe you're going into a supervisory role.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: Those are also things to be proud of.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: And that is your hard work, you know, sort of paying off, if you will.
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  SPEAKER_01: So I think that sometimes as adults we we minimize because we get caught up in is this narcissistic if I say that I'm proud of my job promotion or I post on social media that I've been promoted, right?
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I think yeah, we can have that sort of healthy, adaptive pride in those moments.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: And they are worth celebrating.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: And in that internal monologue, we say about being proud for something we've accomplished should be acknowledged.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: So now let's kind of shift a little bit and talk about our mini tool.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_01: So this is a research-based mini tool, and it is about self-compassion as a foundation for pride, because I just love Kristen Neff's work on self-compassion.
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  SPEAKER_01: And so it's made up of three components.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: And with um Neff's work, she talks about self-kindness first.
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  SPEAKER_01: So instead of self-criticism, it's self-kindness.
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  SPEAKER_01: And then next, that common humanity instead of isolation, and third is mindfulness instead of over-identification.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: So, why do these three things matter?
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  SPEAKER_01: When you practice self-compassion, you activate a safety system.
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  SPEAKER_01: And this creates that emotional space for growth, reflection, and that healthy adaptive pride.
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  SPEAKER_01: So the first step in to your self-compassion foundation for pride is we're going to identify a moment.
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  SPEAKER_01: So just take a second and ask yourself what is one thing I did today?
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: Even something small.
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  SPEAKER_01: So for example, I got out of bed on a hard day.
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  SPEAKER_01: I set a boundary.
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  SPEAKER_01: I showed up for work.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: I took my medication.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_01: Those are just some examples.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: So just taking that moment, what is one thing I did today?
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: Step two.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: Now we're gonna externalize it and we're gonna make sort of this shift.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: If someone I care about did this, would I feel proud of them?
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: Most of us, our automatic is gonna be yes, we would feel proud of them.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: And this is again where we need to take that pause, and we need to really think about if I can be proud of them, then what does that mean for me?
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_01: Step three.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: And we're gonna ask ourselves, why is this worthy of pride in someone else, but not me?
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: What does this say about me?
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: Am I struggling with maybe some internalized shame, maybe some unrealistic expectations, or is there a condition on my self-worth?
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: So noticing what is that double standard?
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: Because if we're automatically saying yes to I would feel proud of somebody else, why are we holding that ourselves to that double standard?
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: So lastly, we're gonna now bring it back to ourselves and say, if this is worthy of pride in them, it is also worthy of pride in me.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I want you to say this out loud.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: I am proud of myself for and fill in that blank.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: And it may just be I'm proud of myself for getting out of bed today, getting dressed, and getting on with my day.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: Just an example.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: But fill in I'm proud of myself for today.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_01: And as you do that, you're gonna begin to integrate this self-compassion, this self-recognition, and this adaptive pride.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_01: And you already know how to be compassionate, you do it for others every day, especially if you're a parent or a caregiver or you're in a helping profession.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_01: The work is learning to include yourself in that circle.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: I actually love everything you said, and I think that's great for us to end on today.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: This is kind of the culmination of I think our first season of running through all of these emotions and giving information.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I am so proud of myself for showing up and giving out information.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so proud of you for showing up with me and helping me navigate um everything to kind of get this started and sharing information.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I really hope it's helpful for everyone that's listening and hearing today.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope you guys will just pause and take a moment and notice any small or minor win in your day in this moment that has led up um to whenever it is that you're listening now.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think we'll go ahead and wrap up for now.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: Once again, thank you so much for being here.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for taking the time to spend a little bit of time with us and hear what we have to say and share.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode helped, consider subscribing and sharing it with someone who could use better words for what they feel or use the tools that we've shared today.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll catch you next time.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: Have a great day, everyone.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: Have a good one, everyone.