Latest / Libido Lounge / How to Turn Emotional Distance into Intimacy with Heather Shannon
Transcript
- 0:00Welcome to the libido lounge, where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido.
- 0:05We believe that fabulous sex is important to health as exercise and good food.
- 0:11Hey, everybody.
- 0:12Welcome back to another episode on the lounge.
- 0:16I'm your host, doctor Diane, and I'm super excited about this whole summer.
- 0:21So remember, you guys, we are in sexy season this summer.
- 0:26So just keep looking out for all the fun bonuses we have for you guys.
- 0:30Make sure you go take our libido quiz and make sure when you're done with this amazing episode
- 0:36that I'm so excited about, I'm going to introduce you to sex therapist Heather Shannon.
- 0:41And I am so excited about this this conversation, you guys.
- 0:44I met Heather on a intimacy summit.
- 0:48We co we were co speakers on that summit.
- 0:51And I was very, very impressed with Heather's background around the the emotional component
- 0:57around sexuality, how we compartmentalize emotions, how this is related to libido, and so
- 1:03much more.
- 1:04So we're gonna talk about some really cool topics.
- 1:06And remember to download this, to share this, to make sure you spread the word about this
- 1:12episode because the episode that has the most downloads and shares and likes and all those
- 1:18great things, we're going to invite that person back for a deep dive at the end of the year so
- 1:23we can go much deeper into your favorite topics.
- 1:26So make sure you Woo hoo.
- 1:27That you share all those things.
- 1:30And welcome.
- 1:30I'm so happy about our conversation.
- 1:32Thanks for being here, Heather.
- 1:33Thank you, Diane.
- 1:34I'm excited too.
- 1:35I mean, it's just, it's cool that we do a lot of similar work but come at it from different
- 1:41angles and different training backgrounds.
- 1:43Yeah.
- 1:43It's always the best.
- 1:44Right?
- 1:44It's always the best to have different spokes that lead to the same wheel and our wheel being
- 1:50healthy, happy libido and relationships and all those things.
- 1:54And the emotional just like, let's dive right in.
- 1:57The emotional component I feel like is really hard so so many times.
- 2:03And and it's really hard because I think so many times we're not thinking about small
- 2:07little ways that safety or that little thing that our partner said to us in the morning that
- 2:12we just brushed off or we snap back as a verb, stress.
- 2:16Like, we're not always thinking about the impact of that on sexuality and our sex life.
- 2:22So can you just kinda open with that topic and just kinda just generally set the frame for us
- 2:27around that importance with libido and and these sorts of topics.
- 2:31Yeah.
- 2:32For sure.
- 2:32So I think that, you know, sexual energy is life force energy.
- 2:37And, you know, it's not an accident.
- 2:39Then when we're kind of like dimming our emotions, such as in depression, one of the
- 2:44symptoms is low libido.
- 2:46And so when we try to compartmentalize or kind of downplay a certain emotion or just exile it,
- 2:53I do internal family systems therapy.
- 2:55So we talk about exiled parts where it's like this part, this emotion is not okay, and let's
- 3:00just banish this one.
- 3:02It, it creates like a dimming of, of our life force energy because our emotions are such a
- 3:06huge part of that.
- 3:07And that's not usually the intention, but it's like when we kinda shut down enough, it's gonna
- 3:13affect our sex life.
- 3:14And then we're like, what happened?
- 3:15I mean, people are often confused and we don't put it together.
- 3:18And it wasn't part of my sex therapy training, you know, it was more something like through
- 3:23working with people, I was like, oh gosh, this is a pattern.
- 3:26Like lots of people are doing this sort of avoiding of emotions and holding it in and not
- 3:31communicating it and it's killing their sex life.
- 3:34Yeah.
- 3:34And it's a you know, I think about that and I think like both things that happen from truly,
- 3:39like, a sex standpoint, meaning, like, oh, maybe a partner sends us a flirtatious tax and
- 3:46anything back.
- 3:47Right.
- 3:47So there's, like, that thing around, like, coming on to me, and all of a sudden, I don't
- 3:53reciprocate, and then that other person feels hurt.
- 3:56So I think there's that aspect, and then there's, like, all the non sex related aspects.
- 4:01Right?
- 4:01So it's like, oh, wow.
- 4:03You snapped at me and, like, I'm gonna just pretend like it's not a big deal and I'm gonna
- 4:08it's not, you know, those kind of things.
- 4:10So do you find then in this conversation, like, what are where do we start?
- 4:16How do we start identifying, like, when we're dimming the emotions?
- 4:20Where where is that
- 4:21Yeah.
- 4:21Reporting point?
- 4:23It probably could be anywhere.
- 4:25Yeah.
- 4:26Just to give you a really clear answer.
- 4:28You know, but I think what I see is, like, couples will come to me, and it's like there's
- 4:33just been a pattern, I would say, of the emotional intimacy shutting down and just
- 4:39living kinda separate lives under the same roof.
- 4:42And so that can start really small, kind of like you said, your partner makes, what the
- 4:48Gottman Relationship Institute would call a bid for attention, you know.
- 4:52And there's a lot of research on this, like, bid for attention thing, and it could be tiny.
- 4:56It could be like, oh my god.
- 4:57Look at the bird out the window.
- 4:59You know.
- 4:59It could be, and your partner either ignores you, like the example you gave.
- 5:02It's like someone's trying to flirt and someone's just like, I am uncomfortable or I'm
- 5:06at work or you're always after me in this way and I don't you know?
- 5:09Whatever it is.
- 5:10And when you're not connecting in those small ways, that starts to erode the relationship as
- 5:16a whole.
- 5:17So it can start very small.
- 5:18And I think also when when our partner doesn't respond, we might not feel as safe opening up.
- 5:24Or if our partner was judgmental once in a way that really hurt us and we never addressed it
- 5:29and resolved it and they don't get it, then we just shut it down.
- 5:33Then it's like, well, okay.
- 5:34I'm just not gonna talk to you about this because you're always judging me as a parent or
- 5:38you're always judging me for, you know, not speaking up at work or whatever.
- 5:42And so then it's like, okay.
- 5:43We're just starting to eliminate topic after topic, and now we're just, like, functioning.
- 5:49Yeah.
- 5:49Now we're talking about how is the weather.
- 5:51Right?
- 5:52So now we're having a super superficial conversation.
- 5:56And then also so when we're talking about this dimming concept, so I want to go a little bit
- 6:01further because I think this is super important.
- 6:03Are we also talking about almost dimming it in ourselves?
- 6:08Meaning sample.
- 6:09Okay.
- 6:10So Yeah.
- 6:10I wanna say what I mean just so I make sure the audience is tracking our thoughts here.
- 6:15Tell me if this is what you're talking about too.
- 6:17Mhmm.
- 6:18So, like, for example, like, oh, I my talking about work and and my partner is not there for
- 6:23me and they're telling me I'm not handling it correct and they're almost like gaslighting my
- 6:27experience.
- 6:28And then in this example, okay, I'm not going to talk about work.
- 6:31I withdraw withdraw withdraw that can affect my libido.
- 6:35But is there also that point where we begin is, like, some of the dimming, almost like that
- 6:40self shaming around
- 6:41Yeah.
- 6:42Oh, I should never talk about this again.
- 6:43Right?
- 6:44So is there a secondary layer of emotion there?
- 6:47Yeah.
- 6:47It works it works both ways.
- 6:48It's kind of your own internal experience of your emotions, and it's also your partners.
- 6:52And it's kind of the same dynamic, just like one is internal and one is external.
- 6:56So it could be your partner kind of shaming you or judging you or gaslighting you.
- 7:00And it could be a part of yourself.
- 7:02Yes.
- 7:02We masculine ourselves.
- 7:04Absolutely.
- 7:05Where it's like, oh, I shouldn't feel this way or I shouldn't be so needy or I shouldn't, you
- 7:11know, I maybe it's like I'm too old to be sexual or I'm past childbearing years or, you
- 7:16know, I had a hysterectomy and I feel like less of a woman now or, whatever the messaging is.
- 7:22And sometimes we don't even know, like, it's I'm pretty unconscious until we, like, go in
- 7:27there and start poking around a little bit.
- 7:29Yeah.
- 7:30I think that's really that that knowing.
- 7:31And that's it's such a huge thing.
- 7:33I think that's why it's important we have these conversations because I imagine there's a lot
- 7:38of moments happening for people because it is so these things, I think they start so small
- 7:43and they can eat away and it's like, well, it's not that big.
- 7:45You know, we gaslight ourselves being like, alright, it's not that big of a deal that we're
- 7:48not on the same page with this.
- 7:50I'm just not going to pick this up, which if that was in isolation and it was the one and
- 7:55only thing, then probably not a huge deal.
- 7:58Right?
- 8:01That just leads to that compounding of so many things and it just be almost starts becoming
- 8:06this new habit.
- 8:07Right.
- 8:07So what I hear and what you're saying is like, okay, the first step then is becoming aware of
- 8:13the internal dialogue and the inter relational dialogue, correct?
- 8:17Yes.
- 8:18Absolutely.
- 8:19Okay.
- 8:20And so from there, like where do people even go from there?
- 8:23Like how do we begin to say, okay, we're gonna break this habit and get back our connection,
- 8:30get back our libido, get back our confidence, all of those things.
- 8:33Where do we go from there?
- 8:35I think usually starting with yourself is the right place to start.
- 8:39Yeah.
- 8:39But I mean, that also can happen if you have a partner who's like, hey, I wanna address this
- 8:44dynamic too.
- 8:45I'm willing to kinda look within myself also and see how I'm contributing to this.
- 8:49Awesome.
- 8:50You know, those can be things that are happening at the same time.
- 8:53But if you have a partner that's just, you know, hey.
- 8:56This is a you issue or, you know, I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong.
- 9:01You can still look at this on your end.
- 9:03And so part of it, I'll explain internal family systems a little bit because, that is a big
- 9:10piece of it.
- 9:10So we have our self energy, which is the essence of who we are, and it's unaffected by
- 9:15trauma.
- 9:15And it's like this infinite spacious energy, and it's amazing, and it feels great.
- 9:20And and then we have our parts, and our parts are, like, our defense mechanisms or our
- 9:24protective mechanisms.
- 9:26And so they mean well.
- 9:27They're only trying to, like, look out for our best interest, but it could be kinda wreaking
- 9:32havoc.
- 9:33So we have some proactive ones that might be like, I'm gonna make a therapy appointment.
- 9:37Right?
- 9:37Or I'm gonna go see doctor Diane or, you know, that are like, let's do proactive healthy
- 9:42things.
- 9:42And then we also have firefighter parts that are more reactive, and they're like, I need
- 9:47another glass of wine, you know, or like, I'm gonna avoid compartmentalize or I'm gonna bury
- 9:53my head in the sand on this one.
- 9:55And both the manager parts that are proactive and the firefighter parts that are reactive are
- 10:00trying to protect the axiled parts.
- 10:02And the axiled parts are the same for all humans, which is really fascinating.
- 10:08So they are parts that feel like a failure, that feel not good enough, that feel shame,
- 10:13that feel unlovable, that feel, like, vulnerable to the point of feeling unsafe.
- 10:18And so there's really only, like, a handful of them.
- 10:21And so even though they're exiled, it's almost like they're invert like, indirectly
- 10:25controlling everything because all the protector parts are kind of directing their
- 10:29energy towards, like, keeping these intolerable feelings at bay.
- 10:35Right?
- 10:35But it's like the more we exile these parts, the more we're kinda dimming our life force
- 10:40energy and not accepting all the parts of us.
- 10:42Right?
- 10:43Yeah.
- 10:43So through bringing in the self energy, which I think of is almost like the sun.
- 10:47So if you're new to this, you can just think of it as, like, this is like the rays of the sun,
- 10:51and it's, like, radiating out, good healing energy.
- 10:55And so when the parts can feel that, when they can kinda, like, bask in the rays of the of the
- 11:00self energy, then they can start healing, and then they might trust the self energy enough to
- 11:04be like, okay.
- 11:05Self energy, you can talk to an exile now.
- 11:07I will allow it.
- 11:09And then then we are able to start uncompartmentalizing and, like, creating safety
- 11:13within your own system and, like, letting your whole life force energy, like, be present and
- 11:19shine.
- 11:20So that's that's kind of the goal.
- 11:21Yeah.
- 11:22I love it.
- 11:22And and when I you're talking, it reminds me of the some of the things I talk to people about,
- 11:27which is, like, a both and approach versus a or.
- 11:30Right?
- 11:31Because I think sometimes we think like, okay.
- 11:33Well, I either have to live in the fact that I feel like a failure.
- 11:37I feel like I'm not good enough.
- 11:38I feel like an imposter, or I live in, like, more like the fun energy of, like, oh, I'm
- 11:44successful.
- 11:45I have a great, you know, great relationship.
- 11:47Everything is and what I hear in that one of you're talking about almost, like, bringing
- 11:51them all together.
- 11:52It's like it's Yeah.
- 11:53All of that both and, right, where we can go into those exile parts and be like, I could
- 11:57feel this, and I can actually feel something that's completely a little bit opposite at the
- 12:02same time.
- 12:03Right?
- 12:03Yes.
- 12:04That's absolutely it.
- 12:05And we also have a term for that in IFS called polarized parts.
- 12:09So if you have two parts that are trying to help in totally different ways Yes.
- 12:12We can even feel both of those and we can support both of those.
- 12:15Yes.
- 12:15Exactly.
- 12:16Exactly.
- 12:17I think, you know, that's I I sometimes joke around and I don't know if the joke's the right
- 12:21word, but I sometimes use say, like, you know, there's parts of us that maybe we're all a
- 12:25little schizophrenic on some way because we have these different voices and these voices
- 12:30sometimes have, like, one part might feel sad about something and happy about something else
- 12:34at the same time.
- 12:35And and Yeah.
- 12:36You know, it's there's an element of that where I think there is just this human conditioning
- 12:40of it's so easy to think that we're the only ones feeling this.
- 12:43And it's like, well, like you said, the exile parts and it has the exile parts.
- 12:47So Right?
- 12:48I love that.
- 12:49I love that.
- 12:50And then, also, so in context then of our our topic here of libido and of sexuality, another
- 12:58thing that I'm curious about because, like, in I I know you you said something so perfect at
- 13:02the beginning of this, which is, like, we have different angles of the same ways of or
- 13:06approaching, approaching the same things.
- 13:08Right?
- 13:09So one of the things I talk to people about when they were gonna tell their partner or have
- 13:13a conversation with their partner about how hard things, I talk about, like, the how, the
- 13:17when, the where things being, like, kind of the fundamental components of how we approach that
- 13:25partner.
- 13:25Right?
- 13:26Right.
- 13:26Right.
- 13:26So how would you say are there is there like a system?
- 13:30I know obviously people can come and learn from, you know, from you and that's kind of
- 13:34your work as a sex therapist.
- 13:36But is there, like, a generalized system where I'm like, okay.
- 13:39Like, I need to tell my partner that we have to have this conversation.
- 13:44I have to be able to hear about my day without triggering them.
- 13:47Yada yada.
- 13:48How do I have this conversation?
- 13:49What's what's the framework?
- 13:51Yeah.
- 13:53I do have several suggestions.
- 13:56The first one is internal.
- 13:57So, what I find so interesting is, like, the buildup in our head is probably, like, our
- 14:02worst enemy with having these conversations because my clients will be like, well, I just,
- 14:06you know, I wish I could tell him that, you know, my needs aren't being met or just the way
- 14:11he initiates.
- 14:12If you could just do this or that, but, like, I don't know how to say it.
- 14:14I'm like, you just but, like, the way you just said it to me was perfect.
- 14:20So I think that there's a different framework.
- 14:23It's like they feel safe saying it to me.
- 14:24They feel relaxed saying it to me.
- 14:26There's not sort of so much at stake.
- 14:29And so I think when they're able to kind of, like, lower the stakes mentally and kind of be
- 14:34like, this could this could be a short conversation.
- 14:36This doesn't have to be like a whole big thing.
- 14:39Because when you bring the energy of like, oh, I have to talk to you about something, but,
- 14:42like, I don't know.
- 14:42You might get mad at me.
- 14:43You know?
- 14:44It's like, that's not that's not really how we wanna start.
- 14:48So, yes, find a good time, you know?
- 14:50Like, don't do it when your partner's, like, in the middle of another task or just had, like,
- 14:53the worst day of their life.
- 14:55But also, I see there being more of an issue when people are, like, waiting for the perfect
- 14:59time.
- 15:00So I would kind of just be like, make sure it's not a terrible time, but otherwise, just go for
- 15:03it.
- 15:04You know?
- 15:05Yeah.
- 15:06And then I also encourage people to do a couple of things.
- 15:09So, create, like, a safe container.
- 15:12So if this is a new type of conversation, just to kind of be like, you know, hey.
- 15:17I'm gonna share a sexual fantasy with you, or, I wanna talk about, like, how can we initiate
- 15:22in a way that's, like, super sexy.
- 15:24So you can say, can we create a judgment free zone?
- 15:27Or, like, even if you're not into something I say, can you just agree not to, like, tell me
- 15:31I'm a weirdo or something?
- 15:33So say what you need, like, create the safe container with each other, like, get on the
- 15:37same page and agree to that, and then I think starting by saying your positive intention.
- 15:44So this is something that the Gottman Institute calls the softened startup, and the research
- 15:49says that it eliminates 90% of escalating fights.
- 15:53Like, if you learn one thing, learn the one that's gonna eliminate 90% of fights, you know?
- 15:59And so so this is what I emphasize a lot with my clients, and it's it's real basic.
- 16:05It's like, don't come in hot.
- 16:07Right?
- 16:08Like, don't come in being like, you know, you never touched me the way I want you to, and,
- 16:13you know, I just wish that you would, like, listen once in a while.
- 16:16You know, no.
- 16:17That's not how we're starting.
- 16:19But if it's like, yeah.
- 16:20I want us to feel like we can talk openly about things because I think that's gonna help create
- 16:26some intimacy, You know?
- 16:28Or I love that you are such a great listener, or, once we're into sex, I feel so great and
- 16:35have such a great time.
- 16:38And I would like to be able to, like, get in the mood more and talk about, like, how do we
- 16:43do, like, mental foreplay.
- 16:45So it's it's kind of like bringing in a compliment, stating a positive intention, you
- 16:51know, letting the person know, like, hey.
- 16:54This is coming from a positive place, but and it is.
- 16:56Right?
- 16:57So even though there might be an angry protector part or there might be a, scared
- 17:04protector part, You know?
- 17:06That's where kinda doing some of that self work first helps.
- 17:10So it's like, let's manage our own emotions first and then be able to come in with more of
- 17:15our self energy, more of that confidence and, connectedness.
- 17:19Yeah.
- 17:19The manager self energy, I hear so much because I think that's such a big thing.
- 17:24Right?
- 17:24It's like if we're coming in hot and, like, we might feel hot.
- 17:27So, basically, it's what I hear in that advice is, like, take care of yourself first.
- 17:31If you're feeling, like, so emotionally charged, see what you
- 17:34can do to burn through that emotion to keep Yeah.
- 17:37Exactly.
- 17:38So you can come in, you know, with still the same intention, but actually have it well
- 17:42received.
- 17:44Yeah.
- 17:44Exactly.
- 17:44Because I mean, the energy I'm big on and I'm guessing you probably are too.
- 17:48Yeah.
- 17:50You know, it's like the energy can be felt even if you're kinda, like, saying the right words,
- 17:54quote, unquote.
- 17:55It's like if you're feeling uncomfortable, that is gonna come through.
- 18:00And I would also say, like, remember this person really likes you.
- 18:04So, like, you were the person they picked to, you know, be with.
- 18:07So
- 18:07Yeah.
- 18:07I think that's a really important reminder.
- 18:10What other things as far as any other, say, patterns, like are there other patterns that
- 18:15you see show up a lot from an emotional standpoint when people are experiencing any
- 18:21sort of low libido or other sexual dysfunction?
- 18:24Yeah, so some of this is what I talk about in my intimacy audit, which I will share with your
- 18:28audience, is what are some of the common patterns.
- 18:32A lot of times people come to me and they think it's just like, Oh, look, libido, libido,
- 18:35libido.
- 18:36And yes, sometimes it is libido.
- 18:38Yes.
- 18:38A
- 18:38lot of times, which is it also it's own complex thing.
- 18:43And sometimes it's self censorship, you know?
- 18:46Sometimes it's like the sexual thoughts are there, but they're just, like, not exiting your
- 18:51mouth.
- 18:52They're not they're not coming out.
- 18:55They're staying in there.
- 18:56And then sometimes it's like, okay, the sexual thoughts are there, and maybe they're even
- 19:00coming out, but you're just kinda getting your wires crossed, you know?
- 19:04Like like, I've had clients that kinda come in and they say, well, I'm attracted to my spouse,
- 19:10and they say they're attracted to me.
- 19:11We're, like, not really having sex.
- 19:13I was like, oh, that's so interesting.
- 19:14People are just so fascinated.
- 19:16Yeah.
- 19:16I really love humans.
- 19:20And so I was like, okay.
- 19:21What is the disconnect?
- 19:22You know?
- 19:22And and it could be anything from, you know, religious upbringing or conservative
- 19:28upbringing, where it's like, oh, I'm not supposed to do that, to, you know, the
- 19:32patriarchy and gender conditioning where it's like, I'm the woman.
- 19:35You know?
- 19:36A guy is supposed to come to me.
- 19:38Or it could be like, maybe you're into other women and you're like, I don't know how to
- 19:43approach because I've been conditioned that a guy is supposed to come to me and there's no
- 19:46guy here, and I don't have to overcome that guy.
- 19:49So, you know, there's I think all of us have some things that we probably need to, like,
- 19:53overcome, when it comes to creating the sex life that we really want, but it's doable, you
- 20:00know?
- 20:00And that's that's where having a coach, having a therapist, having a good friend you could
- 20:04talk to, having a support group, you know?
- 20:06It's like find somewhere where you can get rid of any kind of shame or stigma or beliefs that
- 20:12are no longer serving you because those things do tend to exist in the shadows.
- 20:16Right?
- 20:17And when we shine some light on it and we realize we can be accepted just as we are, and
- 20:22when we can do some of that internal family systems, you know, shadow work and unexiling
- 20:27the exiles, like, that's how we get to a place of feeling really confident and whole in our
- 20:33sex lives.
- 20:35I'm gonna take us a different direction because you're making me think of something that came
- 20:40up in a conversation with a friend recently, which is Mhmm.
- 20:43It comes up here and there around, like, just, like, sex education because I feel like when
- 20:46you're talking about shadow.
- 20:47Right?
- 20:48It's like, to me, it's like so much of shadow.
- 20:51First, we get an adult, but so much of that comes in childhood.
- 20:53And it's like the things that are said to us and the way certain things are defined.
- 20:58And in childhood, like, sex education was basically purely about procreation.
- 21:04And that was all that was really taught.
- 21:08And there's so much stigma and there is still so much stigma too.
- 21:11I think still these days, I think a little bit more historically, but still these days around
- 21:16a woman being promiscuous has a different sort of social connotation than men being
- 21:23promiscuous.
- 21:24And it's like, we are not supposed to explore in the same way.
- 21:28So there's all these ways that we are just taught that are encoded into us as that shadow.
- 21:34So what do you think the solution is?
- 21:36Like, what do you think?
- 21:37Like, do you think we should be talking more in, like, you know, grade school, high school,
- 21:42like around?
- 21:44Hey, please.
- 21:45Right.
- 21:45Do I think that's gonna happen anytime soon?
- 21:48So I hope eventually we will get there.
- 21:53I mean, I partially think it's people like you and me doing it more, like, privately in our
- 21:57own businesses and, like, putting content out there on Instagram and YouTube.
- 22:01And, you know, it's better than, people just, like, trying to learn from porn or their
- 22:06friends, you know?
- 22:07Right.
- 22:09But but it is.
- 22:10It's it's a tough political landscape.
- 22:13And, you know, when I'm talking about these shadow parts, like, a lot a lot of this does
- 22:18come from the culture.
- 22:19So it's like a cultural exile.
- 22:21So it's like we have our own internal system, but there's also parts of the culture and
- 22:26exiled aspects culturally.
- 22:28So I think that's important to realize too.
- 22:30It's like, if you're dealing with some of this, you didn't go create this in a vacuum.
- 22:34Like, it's not like, oh, you're only to blame.
- 22:36It's like you grew up in a context where my sex education was like, be afraid.
- 22:44Be very afraid.
- 22:45You will get pregnant, and you will ruin your life, and you'll be slut shamed, and, you know,
- 22:50you're gonna get diseases, and you're gonna get HIV, and you're gonna die.
- 22:53And then it's just like, there was no, like, oh, here's all the health benefits of sex, or
- 22:57here's all the health benefits of orgasm.
- 22:59Here's even what an orgasm is.
- 23:00Here's what a clitoris is.
- 23:02This is part of your body.
- 23:02You should probably know about it.
- 23:04Yes.
- 23:04None of that.
- 23:05Right?
- 23:06Yes.
- 23:06And so it's like that's the stuff where, like, people need to podcast honestly are the best
- 23:11place to be because it's the only place we're not censored.
- 23:14So people like you and me can share on our podcast about, like, actually what is helpful
- 23:19to talk about.
- 23:20Yeah.
- 23:20Whereas, like, I can't say this stuff on Instagram.
- 23:23You know?
- 23:24So I I think podcasts are the place to be in books, and get on people's email list, you
- 23:29know, because they can't really say what they wanna say in social media.
- 23:32Yeah.
- 23:33Yeah.
- 23:33Well, I think that's a perfect wrap up and lead it.
- 23:36And I know you and
- 23:36I could talk all day.
- 23:38So, so everybody make sure to, you know, to download and support Heather's podcast so we
- 23:43can have her be the winner and have her back.
- 23:46I wanna make sure that we have a moment to tell people how to get a hold of you and Yeah.
- 23:51About your intimacy audits and Yeah.
- 23:54You just tell us about all those things?
- 23:56Yeah.
- 23:56Absolutely.
- 23:57So, you can check out my intimacy audit.
- 24:00It is all about helping you figure out what patterns apply to you.
- 24:04So when it comes to your sex life, if you're like, hey.
- 24:07We're not having sex.
- 24:08I don't know what's going on.
- 24:09I don't know how to fix it, which, by the way, I've been there before I was a sex therapist,
- 24:14and I wish I knew what I know now.
- 24:17You know, it's gonna help you figure that out.
- 24:19So we have a checklist that will kinda help you pinpoint.
- 24:21Is it libido?
- 24:22Is it problems initiating and cross wires?
- 24:25Is it self censorship?
- 24:26And there's some emails that'll walk you through it so that, you know, you'll know
- 24:30what's going on, and then we'll start offering some solutions in the emails as well.
- 24:33So we're not just gonna help you identify only the problem.
- 24:37So that's a great place to start.
- 24:38If you go to my website, you can grab that.
- 24:41It's heathershannon.co, heathershannon.co, and there's a pop up on the home page.
- 24:47So it'll just pop up after a few seconds, sign up, and it'll get into your email inbox.
- 24:52So yeah.
- 24:52Amazing.
- 24:53Enjoy it.
- 24:53Everything you guys in those show notes are on this podcast page.
- 24:57We'll have everything there as far as links of how to get a hold of Heather, about how to join
- 25:01the intimacy audit program, get the checklist, all these amazing things.
- 25:05Yeah.
- 25:06So thank you.
- 25:07Thank you.
- 25:07Thank you so much for being with me today.
- 25:09I really appreciate you.
- 25:11Thank you, Diana.
- 25:11I appreciate you too.
- 25:12This was fun.
- 25:14And, everybody, we're signing off here.
- 25:16Another episode of the lounge.
- 25:17It's been so great to spend time with you all as always, and this is just your friendly
- 25:22reminder to always stay classy, always stay sexy, and always be a little badassy.
- 25:28See you next time.
- 25:30Thank you for listening to the Libido Lounge.
- 25:32Please don't keep me a secret.
- 25:33Please share this with your friends.
- 25:35You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, as well as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.