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Heart Monitors, Striptease, and Why Foreplay Starts at Breakfast · My Sexy Menopause Body

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to My Sexy Menopause Body.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Not just a podcast, but a movement.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Menopause isn't something to dread.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's something to own with strength, confidence, and yes, sexiness.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because menopause doesn't mean fading into the background.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: It means stepping fully into who we are.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: And now here's your host, Kim Nicholson.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get started.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, it's Kim Nicholson and welcome back to my sexy menopause body.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: And okay, so today we are going to talk about something that's been killing our sex lives for way too long.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not talking about exhaustion.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: Though yeah, that too could do it, but I'm not talking about hormones.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: We've already covered that.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I'm talking about today?
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: Bore play.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: You heard me.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: Bore B-O-R-E play.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that thing that happens when foreplay becomes so predictable, so routine.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: So let's just check the box that you'd rather be folding laundry than taking off your clothes.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: And listen, I get it.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you've been together for years, maybe even decades, you know each other's moves, you've got a routine, and routines are great for hmm, well, I don't know, uh what are routines good for?
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, brushing your teeth or you know, washing dishes after dinner.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: But for intimacy, for desire, routine is the kiss of death.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: So today we're blowing up bore play and replacing it with something way better.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: 24 hours of actual, real, soul-stirring foreplay that makes you feel alive again.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: And yes, I'm going to tell you about the time my husband did a striptease while wearing a heart monitor.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'll wait that for later.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: But if we can't laugh at ourselves while we're trying to keep the spark alive, you know, what are we even doing, right?
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so let's talk about the boreplay hall of shame.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: So let me paint you a picture if you don't know what boar play is all about.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: You know it's boreplay when it's 10 p.m.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: and you're exhausted, right?
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: You had a long day, you're just looking forward to go to bed.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: But he gives you that look and you know the one that I'm talking about.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: And your internal monologue goes something like, oh God, really?
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: Now I know you know that feeling.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: And or another boarplay hall of shame is he does the same three moves he's been doing since 2003.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: Touch your kiss, they're done.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like he's following, I don't know, like IKEA instructions or something.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: Or you're laying you're lying there thinking about your grocery list.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: Seriously.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: Did I buy coffee?
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: Do we have oat milk?
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: And the only text you get all day from him is what's for dinner?
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: Not exactly setting your world on fire, is it?
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: So foreplay becomes a three-minute shoulder rub when he's already halfway undressed.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: And can we be honest?
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's not foreplay.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: That's a formality.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's a formality of boreplay.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: And here's the other thing: boreplay doesn't just kill desire in the moment, it kind of chips away at the connection over time, right?
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: When you expect it, when you go through the same old moves, do the same old thing, it kind of chips away at that connection.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: You start to feel like you're going through just the motions.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I know when I interviewed over 100 women for this book, that was one of the biggest complaints I got.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: I heard it over and over again.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just going through the motion just to get it over with.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: But like intimacy is, you know, just like another thing on the list of us to do today, right?
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like breakfast, get the kids up, shower, brush teeth, you know, go through your day, have intimacy at night, you know.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's right there between uh take out the trash and pay the electric bill.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: No wonder we're not in the mood, right?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: So why does bore play happen?
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: And why it's not your fault.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: So why does this happen?
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: Why do we fall into the boreplay trap?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: Well, here's the truth life gets in the way.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: You've got kids, you've got a career, you may have aging parents, menopause symptoms, bills, stress.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: By the time you go to bed, you're basically running on fumes and you're exhausted.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's easy to default to what's familiar, what's quick, and what doesn't require much thought, right?
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: Plus, and this is huge, nobody taught us how to keep desire alive long term.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: Think about that.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: We got sold this fairy tale that passion is automatic.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it may be in the very beginning, right?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: If you missed the episode about dating, go back two episodes and get a listen to that one.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: But passion is not automatic.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: That if you're really in love, you'll always want to love each other, right?
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: But that's garbage.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: Desire isn't automatic, it's intentional.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's something you cultivate, not something that just happens.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: And here's the other piece of that woman's arousal system is responsive.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: Our desire doesn't just show up out of nowhere.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: We need context, we need buildup, we need to feel seen, wanted, and connected, not just physically, but emotionally.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: So when foreplay becomes a five-minute checklist, our bodies and our brains got a check out.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: So let's think about what 24 hours of foreplay actually looks like.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: So let's flip the script here.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: What if foreplay just wasn't the five minutes before sex?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: What if it was woven into your entire day?
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what I mean by 24 hours of foreplay.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: So it's not about being on, using air quotes there, all the time.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's about small intentional moments that say to you, I see you.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_01: I want you, and I'm thinking about you.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: Here's what that can look like.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: So let's talk about the morning.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: Let's say he brings you coffee or you can do the same for him.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: He brings you coffee in bed and kisses your shoulder.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: Or let's say later on in the day you send him a text, you know, like last night was so beautiful, or can't stop thinking about you.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: Or you brush past him in the kitchen and let your hand linger on his lower back for a while.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: How about in the afternoon?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: How about if he texted you something flirty?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: Something like counting down the hours till I get home.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: I know it's a little cheesy, but it works.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: And you respond with a photo.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not talking a dirty photo.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not talking anything explicit, just a suggestive, like a shoulder or a smile.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: You plan something together.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: A date night.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: How about a weekend away?
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: When's the last time you had a weekend away?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: How about even just a movie after the kids are asleep or at the end of a long day?
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: Those are really nice times.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm when you watch a movie, I'm not talking about you sitting on one sofa and him on the other.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: I'm talking about you sitting side by side like you're in a theater or something.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: Now, how about in the evening?
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: Let's see how it can happen then.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: You laugh together.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you watch something funny, or you rehash a ridiculous story from your day, or you dance in the kitchen while dinner's cooking.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: No music, just the two of you being goofy.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: You touch, not sexually, just affectionately, his hand on your thigh, your fingers in his hair, and at bedtime you talk.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not talking logistics here, not about whose turn it is to take out the trash tomorrow.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm talking about about dreams and memories and things that made you feel connected.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: You kiss slowly, not the quick peck.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'm talking a slow kiss, the kind of kiss that reminds you of why you fell for each other in the first place.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: See what I mean?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: Foreplay isn't a step, it's a rhythm, it's a cadence, it's the way you move throughout your day together.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: Think of it as a dance, then.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: And when you build up that kind of anticipation, when you've been flirting and teasing, connecting all day long, by the time you get to the bedroom, you're not just checking boxes, you're actually craving each other.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: So I gotta tell you a funny story.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: He's probably not gonna like me to tell this story when it makes me laugh.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: I hope I can get through the story.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: So uh I gotta tell you this story.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's really kind of funny.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's actually it's hilarious, and it's also kind of perfect for what we're talking about.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: So a while back, my husband, Joe, had to wear a heart monitor for two weeks, you know, the kind that they strap under, you know, I guess under your chest, right next to your heart, you know, you know, the whole deal.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: You know, very sexy.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: Well, no, it's not.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's not sexy at all.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: And then one night he decides he's going to do a strip tease for me.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm sitting on the bed and he's doing his thing, unbuttoning his shirt, all slow and dramatic.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: And then he reveals the heart monitor.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: I forgot that he had it.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: And there it is.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: I lost it.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: I was laughing so hard, I had tears streaming down my face, and he's standing there half naked with wires everywhere, trying to be all seductive while this little device is, you know, around his chest.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: But here's the thing: it was hot, not because of the heart monitor, obviously, but because he was playful.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: He was trying, he was making an effort to make me laugh and feel desired, even when things weren't perfect.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what foreplay is really about.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: It's not about being smooth or flawless, it's about showing up for each other.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: And it's about saying, you know what?
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still into you, even when life is messy and we're getting older and things are weird.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: Face it, people.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: We're not 25 anymore.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: Our bodies are changing.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: We've got aches and pains and medical devices.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: And that doesn't stop when we stop playing.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: That doesn't mean we stop flirting, it just means we adapt.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we laugh together, we make it work.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: So, next point I want to make is making foreplay mutual because it's not just his job.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so here's something we need to talk about.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: Foreplay cannot be one-sided.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: For too long, we've been taught that foreplay is something he does to us to get us in the mood, like it's his job to flip on our switch.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: Well, sorry, ladies, that's not how it works.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: Desire is a duet, it's not a solo.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: You've got to show up to, you've got to initiate, you've got to flirt, tease, and create anticipation.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: And so, what does that kind of look like?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: I like we mentioned, send him a text in the middle of the day.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: I've been thinking about you.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: Compliment him.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: Not just you look nice, but something specific, like, I love the way, you know, that shirt fits on you.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: Or, you know, you smell so good today.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: Touch him when he walks by.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: Put a hand on his chest.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: How about give him a kiss on the neck?
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: Plan something also.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: Surprise him.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: Take charge.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: And here's the secret: when you actively participate in building the desire, you feel more desire.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's not fake until you make it, it's engaged and it will come.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: And when you stop waiting for the mood to strike and start creating the mood, everything shifts.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: Everything shifts.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so let's get practical here.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_01: Here are some boarplay busters that you can try this week, all right?
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: Get your notepads out.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I like my interactive podcast.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so try this.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: Change the location.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: Don't just default to the bedroom.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: Try the sofa, try the shower.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: How about the kitchen counter?
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: You know, novelty wakes up your brain.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: So change the location.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: Set a playlist.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: This is really hot.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: I like this one.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: He did a playlist for me.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: So music changes the vibe.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: It creates a sexy playlist together, and it will really creates the mood for both of you.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: So create a sexy playlist.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: I will have to tell you this that he did create, I can't remember what he called.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna say what he called it, but it's on our Spotify, and the kids saw that and they were like, what is this music?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like, don't touch it, leave it alone.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so set a playlist.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna love it.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: Try a basically no goal night.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: And what a what I in other words, what I mean is just take intercourse off the table, just explore each other's body with no pressure, maybe just a touch, a kiss, a massage, just for the pleasure of it.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: Wouldn't that be kind of fun and different?
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: Use your words, tell him what you want, describe what feels good.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: Dirty talk doesn't have to be complicated.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: You know what it needs?
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: It just needs to be honest.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: And if you listen to the very first episode of this particular season that we're on, um, I called it breaking girl code because interviewing those over 100 women, women, it was like 80% of the women said it was easier for them to talk about the sexual pleasure with a girlfriend than to discuss it with their husband.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: That's pretty sad.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: I get it.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_01: I do get it, but I just I just think that we need to have this open conversation.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, how about flirting?
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when was the last time you flirt?
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: Do you still remember how to flirt?
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_01: Remember when you first got together?
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_01: Flirting was really easy.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: The teasing, the anticipation.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: Well, bring that back.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: Send a risky text or leave a note on his pillow.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: And then, of course, the heart monitor story.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: Laugh.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: Don't take it so seriously.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: If something's awkward or doesn't work, just laugh about it.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: Playfulness is foreplay.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: So here's your homework.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: Again, I love to get homework assignments.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: This week I want you to ditch the boarplay and try 24 hours of foreplay.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: Start in the morning, send a text, touch him when he passes by, flirt, tease, build that anticipation all day long.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: And then when you finally come together, you'll notice a difference.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: I promise you.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_01: You'll notice how your body responds and how just by connecting all day long, it matters.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: Notice how the desire isn't forced at those times, it's just there.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: You deserve that intimacy that feels alive, and so does your husband or your partner.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: You deserve that intimacy that makes you laugh.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: You deserve that intimacy that makes that reminds you of why you chose each other in the first place.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: So remember, foreplay, it isn't a chore.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's actually an art.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: And you, my friend, are about to become a master.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: Ha! Thanks for hanging out with me today on my sexy menopause body.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: Now go light that spark and don't forget to laugh along the way.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for being here with us on MySexy Menopause Body.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, this is your journey, your chance to own your body, mind, and spirit.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: And define sexy on your terms.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: If today's episode resonated with you, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with others.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: Let's keep building this conversation and this community together.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, take care of yourself and keep showing up.