Latest / Women in The Coaching Arena / 179 | Mastering the Art of Intentional Style with Alex Standley

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179 | Mastering the Art of Intentional Style with Alex Standley · Women in The Coaching Arena

0:00
Jo: Today's guest is Alex Standley.
0:03
Jo: She is an award-winning personal stylist, TEDx speaker, and sustainable fashion consultant with 20 years experience in the fashion industry.
0:12
Jo: Before starting her own business, Alex spent 15 years as a global fashion buyer at Marks Spencer and Amazon, it was maternity leave, like for many of us, that changed everything.
0:24
Jo: She lost her confidence, felt completely disconnected from herself, and realized that the clothes that once felt like an armor no longer fitted in more ways than one.
0:35
Jo: That became her turning point.
0:37
Jo: She retrained as a personal stylist, and now helps trailblazing women, like speakers, founders, and coaches, and leaders, align their style with their ambition and their values through her signature style identity method.
0:52
Jo: She also has a podcast called A Styled Life Podcast, and really excited to have her here today.
1:00
Jo: I have recently started working with Alex, and really loving the identity work we're doing.
1:07
Jo: So starting inwards to then eventually go outwards.
1:11
Jo: So welcome, Alex.
1:13
Jo: So happy you are here.
1:15
Jo: Do tell us about your story in fashion and that hard decision that you probably came to, to eventually leave that career.
1:26
Alex: So I was working for Amazon at the time so it's, actually, when I was pregnant with my daughter.
1:33
Alex: I ended up on this kind of rabbit hole researching what I was putting on my body and in my body being pregnant, and ended up down this rabbit hole around sustainability because, I realized, when, in all the products
1:47
Alex: that we're using and consuming, there were a lot of things that, weren't so good to have when you're pregnant and that kind of thing.
1:54
Alex: And it just opened up a can of worms around my own part to play in, the impact of the fashion industry on people and planet and, the environmental impact and the humanitarian impact.
2:08
Alex: And it was just this big wake-up call and realization that I was such a big part of that problem with the industry that I was in, and obviously, the company that I was working for and all of that.
2:19
Alex: And it just made me realize how far out of alignment I was with my own values, because the fashion industry was, my love from, quite a young age, and I was quite lucky that I knew exactly what I
2:31
Alex: wanted to do, and buying was my dream career.
2:34
Alex: And it, it was, it was an incredible experience.
2:37
Alex: I got to travel the world and I got to create product from scratch, and then see people walking down the street wearing things that I'd had a hand in creating and, traveling, inspirational shopping, and going to places like
2:49
Alex: Paris and New York and Hong Kong, and then, going to the factories where the product was being made and just seeing the full kind of 360 of, of that input was incredible.
3:00
Alex: But I think once I had that kind of realization, there was no going back.
3:07
Alex: It's I think it was Maya Angelou who says "Once you know better, do better."
3:12
Alex: And that's been such a, a kind of, a strong part of my ethos behind my business.
3:17
Alex: So once I had that realization, I then started to explore, what can I do with all of this kind of lifetime of experience of being in the fashion industry, but use those skills and expertise in a much more
3:31
Alex: positive way that's gonna positively impact people and planet, rather than having that kind of negative impact?
3:39
Alex: So I was very fortunate that I had, set up a Instagram account, which was more of a creative outlet for me.
3:46
Alex: So it wasn't with the intention of starting a styling business, it was just I'd lost a bit of the creativity in my role at Amazon, 'cause it was very data-driven and, analytical, and so it was just a creative
4:00
Alex: outlet for my, for me.
4:01
Alex: But I connected with, a stylist who trained other stylists, and very heavily pregnant I went to one of her workshops in London, and I just fell in love with the whole concept and it just felt like, this is
4:13
Alex: the missing piece of the puzzle and this is what I'm supposed to do next.
4:17
Alex: So, then when I was on maternity leave, I retrained, and the rest is history, really.
4:23
Speaker: Oh, goodness me.
4:24
Speaker: I love that quote.
4:25
Speaker: I don't think I've ever heard of it.
4:27
Speaker: Yeah, it's just so powerful- Yeah and how you changed everything noticing your values misalignment.
4:34
Speaker: It's, like- Mm so courageous.
4:37
Speaker: Tell us more about the practical fears that maybe were coming up at the time as well.
4:45
Alex: Oh, so many.
4:45
Alex: I think I'm a very driven and ambitious person, so for me to have that realization, it was quite a hard hitting because it was like, I've spent my whole life working towards this career that I thought was gonna
5:01
Alex: be, a forever career.
5:03
Alex: I'm gonna, work my way up to sort of director level, and that's gonna be me set for, the rest of my life.
5:09
Alex: So I think that was quite a- scary realization in some ways, 'cause it was like, "Oh, God, I've worked so hard to get to where I am, and then I'm just gonna blow it all up by starting my
5:22
Alex: business."
5:23
Alex: But I just, I think the fear was lesser than the kind of mission and purpose and, and that realignment to who I am and, and my values and wanting to...
5:36
Alex: I think my daughter was such a strong part of my why.
5:41
Alex: It was like I want to make sure that the kind of, the world that I'm leaving behind for her and for future generations is better.
5:49
Alex: And, and so I wanted to do something that would contribute to that rather than, do the opposite.
5:53
Alex: And that's been a thread again that's run through my business.
5:56
Alex: It's if anything ever feels scary or if I'm not sure what decision is the right decision to make, I always come back to what is my mission, what is my purpose, and that kind of has become a filter
6:10
Alex: that I make all of my decisions through, There's nothing more powerful than that.
6:15
Jo: I absolutely love it, and it's probably again why I chose to work with you because I do think that I've been in business a while now, and I used to be very into all of that kind of stuff.
6:28
Jo: Mm-hmm.
6:28
Jo: And I suppose eventually you get on the hamster wheel, and you're just busy, and you're not really remembering- Mm why you're doing this.
6:36
Jo: So that's why- Definitely I love the way you work as well with the deep identity to then dress outwardly- Mm to express that rather than I've never really personally been into fashion, I like- Mm to try and look
6:51
Jo: nice, but it wasn't something- Yeah I've ever considered y- or, given much thought to.
6:56
Alex: Mm.
6:56
Speaker: So I love that you do it that way of like it's not just about putting clothes on.
7:02
Alex: No.
7:02
Alex: You're
7:02
Speaker: actually expressing yourself from a really deep identity level.
7:07
Alex: And it was again, putting all the different pieces of the puzzle together and to create something that was so powerful for my clients.
7:18
Alex: Because I've seen so much that, I work with predominantly with women who are again, very ambitious, very busy, they live very fast-paced lives.
7:29
Alex: And often that means that they've become very disconnected to who they actually are at their core, and they don't have the time or, the luxury of time to really sit back and reconnect and to think about, who am
7:44
Alex: I and what do I stand for, and therefore how do I want to show up?
7:48
Alex: So the idea behind that, going deeper and starting with that identity work was helping to hold up a mirror to who you are, rather than asking...
8:00
Alex: I think what I saw so much was that women were really struggling with that because they just had lost themselves, or they were feeling very disconnected, and they were having all of these layers of, the shoulds and the
8:14
Alex: labels of, mother, wife daughter, employee or business owner or whatever it is, and had lost who they were in the process.
8:23
Alex: So I think the powerful thing about the way that I work is that you don't necessarily have to Have all of the answers yourself.
8:31
Alex: It's a supportive framework that helps us both uncover all of those things about you.
8:38
Jo: And you've talked about losing your confidence when clothes that once felt like an armor no longer fitted.
8:45
Jo: What did that feel like?
8:46
Jo: What does that mean for you?
8:48
Alex: So when I had my daughter I always call it an identity crisis 'cause it's like you're so...
8:55
Alex: I was so used to p- particularly having worked in the fashion industry for such a long time as well, and clothes were a big part of my armor and how I showed up, and such a big part of
9:05
Alex: my job and my role and And my body shape completely changed on, becoming a mum.
9:11
Alex: And also, I was h- going through that real identity crisis, within of who am I now that I'm a mum, but who am I now that this industry no longer aligns in the way that it used to?
9:25
Alex: So I think it was both of those things was a bit the perfect storm in some ways.
9:30
Alex: So it did, it really knocked my confidence, and I think training to be a personal stylist actually really helped me in that process of reconnecting to who I am because it got me back to, what is it that
9:45
Alex: I actually love and, it doesn't matter what, 'cause I was so accustomed to needing to know what was trending for that particular season in my role as a buyer, that I'd again, lost touch with, what is it that
9:58
Alex: I love what colors bring me joy and what patterns do I like and what shapes do I like, and what is actually Alex rather than, the buyer or the, the new mum or y- the wife, so I think
10:11
Alex: it was quite a strong realization when I did my training because I was my own client during my training, and it was really powerful in my own transformation, and then I just felt really passionately about sharing that with
10:24
Alex: other women as well.
10:27
Jo: So most of my listeners are coaches, 'cause this is called Women in the Coaching Arena, although men listen too.
10:33
Jo: Tell us more about why it matters so much to bring our style into our personal brand, and even why to build a personal brand.
10:43
Alex: I actually shared a story today on my social media, which I think is quite relevant for this question.
10:49
Alex: 'Cause I went to a women in business event, last month in Nottingham, and I didn't know anybody at the event apart from my client who was one of the women who was running the event.
11:00
Alex: And I felt quite nervous going because I thought, "Oh gosh, it's a room full of women that I've never met before in a city I've n- not spent any time in, and it's just a bit, overwhelming."
11:10
Alex: And I walked in, and immediately this woman came over to me and she said, "Oh, can I ask what your name is?"
11:16
Alex: And I said, "Oh, it's Alex."
11:17
Alex: And she said, "Oh my God, I've been listening to you on a podcast literally this morning, and I recognized you as soon as you walked in from what you were wearing."
11:26
Alex: And that, in that mument, it just helped me to really relax 'cause it was like, oh, there's that familiarity and somebody knows who I am, even though, I didn't expect to know anybody.
11:38
Alex: And I think that's the power of your style in building your personal brand because it, it creates that memorability.
11:46
Alex: Whether people have met you before or whether they've seen you on social media or whatever it is, it's having that congruence of you as a person and you as a personal brand.
11:58
Alex: And it also creates connection.
12:00
Alex: When I walked into that room, she connected with me straight away because she recognized, the colors that I was wearing and just my overall personal brand.
12:09
Alex: And I think we underestimate the power of style to do that because we've very much been sold the lie by the patriarchy that, style is frivolous and it's materialistic and it's meaningless and, it's really materialistic to care about
12:24
Alex: what you look like, and, it, it doesn't mean anything.
12:26
Alex: And I think that keeps us playing small and that keeps us out of our- Our power essentially.
12:35
Alex: So I think the more intentional we can be with our style and in building that personal brand that's memorable, where people remember you way after you've connected in the room with them or on social media with them, that
12:49
Alex: creates so many more opportunities, 'cause it's like actually they remember that person that always wears X color or, statement print or what- whatever your thing is about your signature style.
13:01
Alex: If they're then thinking about, oh, I need a speaker for this particular event, or, one of my clients I want to refer to this particular coach or whatever it is they're much more likely to remember you if you've
13:13
Alex: made an impact with your style and with your personal brand than if you just blended into the background and, you didn't stand out amongst however many other coaches were there who do similar things to what you do.
13:26
Speaker: So tell me more about- The internal confidence that we can build from dressing in a certain way.
13:35
Speaker: So for example, I mentioned to you when we first met that if I'm ever doing a talk, I always choose red.
13:41
Speaker: And actually, I don't choose red very often, except for if I have a talk.
13:45
Speaker: So there obviously is that inbuilt thing that the confidence will come if I dress in a certain way.
13:51
Speaker: So tell us more about that, and the psychology behind that.
13:55
Alex: So color is particularly powerful because it really connects into your, emotions and it's actually really powerful, not just from a, confidence point of view, but also from a wellbeing perspective as well, 'cause I think what we naturally do
14:13
Alex: when we're not feeling, too great about ourselves, or if we're just having a down day or whatever it is, the weather's rubbish or it can be anything, we naturally lean towards, black or neutrals or grays or, that kind
14:27
Alex: of thing.
14:28
Alex: And actually it's far more powerful if we can make those intentional choices of colors that really lift our energy or bring us joy, and it's gonna look completely different for each individual person, and this is the real kind
14:43
Alex: of meaning behind dopamine dressing.
14:44
Alex: I think in the press it's been miscoined as, like, when you wear neons or bright colors, and actually dopamine dressing is individual for each person.
14:55
Alex: So for one person it could be, those lovely, gorgeous neutral colors because that's what really brings them joy, and it's really what lights them up.
15:04
Alex: But for somebody else it could be, all the bright colors, all the joy from, orange and red and that kind of thing.
15:10
Alex: But it's got to be what's true to you, because you get that rush of dopamine when it's something that you truly love.
15:18
Alex: So I think we underestimate the power of color particularly, but there's also the kind of psychological meaning behind individual colors.
15:27
Alex: So you quite rightly said about red, 'cause red is very much a confident color.
15:33
Alex: It gives you energy, and for me, I often use it when I'm speaking as well because it's, it lends you that confidence and it lends you that energy.
15:41
Alex: So I'm a much more, I'm like an introverted extrovert.
15:45
Alex: So for me, sometimes I can have that apprehension, before speaking on stage or whatever it is, and actually, you can really lean on your clothing to support the way that you want to show up.
15:56
Alex: So red is the perfect example of that.
15:59
Alex: But there's lots of other- ways that you can use it.
16:03
Alex: So for example, we've spoken as well about green.
16:05
Alex: Green is a very grounding color, so it's obviously very much associated with nature.
16:10
Alex: So if you want if you're, running an event or perhaps you're in a Zoom room with people and you want them to feel calm and you want them to feel grounded, then green is, an amazing color for that.
16:24
Alex: So there's so much more to unpack with style than just that kind of surface level, what's trending or that kind of thing.
16:34
Jo: Yeah.
16:35
Jo: Totally.
16:35
Jo: And like I mentioned to you, I wore green at my last three in-person events- without even realizing why I kept choosing it.
16:43
Alex: Yeah.
16:44
Jo: And I always choose a venue with loads of light and outdoor space as well.
16:49
Jo: Whereas lots of people, now have dark trendy venues.
16:53
Jo: Yeah.
16:53
Jo: Whereas I always tend to seek the nature- flowers, beautiful lighting type of venues instead.
17:01
Jo: Yeah.
17:01
Jo: So yeah, it's interesting how deep and how many layers there probably are to it all.
17:06
Alex: I think the more intentional, and that's so much around my personal brand as well as around, intentional living and conscious living and doing things intentionally rather than, we're always all at 100 miles an hour in, the way that
17:21
Alex: the world is, and we expect things just like that, but actually the more intentional we can be, the better it is for our mental health and wellbeing as well.
17:28
Alex: So that's a huge part of the work that I do as well.
17:32
Jo: Yeah.
17:33
Jo: Totally.
17:34
Jo: So tell us about some mistakes.
17:37
Jo: So many coaches that I work with maybe do training or they do LinkedIn Lives or speaking on podcasts.
17:43
Jo: What mistakes do you see that we make and maybe can avoid if we know about them?
17:50
Alex: I think the biggest one, hands down, has to be performing, as somebody else or in a way that, you think that you should.
18:00
Alex: It's all those shoulds, I should dress like this 'cause I'm over 40, or I should wear this 'cause I've got this particular coloring, or I should wear this 'cause it's the color of the season and it's trending, or
18:12
Alex: that kind of thing.
18:13
Alex: And actually, you don't end up feeling that confident because you're not comfortable in yourself.
18:20
Alex: It's not true to the person that you actually are.
18:22
Alex: You're not being authentic to you.
18:25
Alex: So it can feel like- You're wearing a costume, and you're dressing up, and you're performing as somebody else, and that's never going to create that congruence with the audience, either.
18:36
Alex: So I think the more we can connect to who we are and what we love and wear things that actually we enjoy, the most important thing for 99.9% of women that I work with is that they feel comfortable.
18:51
Alex: 'Cause you just, you can't feel confident if you're not comfortable in your clothes.
18:54
Alex: That awful feeling of constantly adjusting yourself or that fear of "Oh, what are people thinking of me?
19:00
Alex: Have I got this right?"
19:01
Alex: We underestimate the mental load that takes as well.
19:04
Alex: So I think the more you can get to know yourself and know your body shape, know your colors, know essentially what you love the more powerful that is in how you're showing up as well.
19:16
Alex: So I think that's probably my biggest bit of advice, try and drown out all the noise that we get from social media, from the press, from friends and family because everybody's got an opinion.
19:28
Alex: But ultimately, your feelings and your comfort and everything else are the most important thing.
19:34
Jo: Yeah.
19:34
Jo: And how about if we are on Zoom?
19:37
Jo: It's interesting now to see you next to me, I'm like, "Oh, no, I should have worn some color."
19:43
Jo: So it's interesting, isn't it, how we underestimate the impact we can make- So tell us about how what we wear affects our confidence in showing up, and even on a Zoom screen.
19:56
Alex: Yeah, absolutely.
19:57
Alex: I think...
19:58
Alex: there's that whole hangover from post-pandemic of, dressing from the waist upwards and, a lot of people still do it, and they'll have, I don't know, leggings or gym gear on the bottom half and then a nice top.
20:10
Alex: And we think we're doing that for the best, for us because we feel comfortable and whatever.
20:15
Alex: But actually, it's surprising how much, those clothing choices that we're making can impact the way that we perform and the way that we behave and the way that we show up.
20:26
Alex: So I see it so often with clients when we first start working together.
20:30
Alex: They'll say to me, "Oh, I don't really n- need to bother 'cause I'm just on Zoom, so it doesn't really matter.
20:36
Alex: We underestimate, actually, that does have a knock-on impact on how we show up and how we perform.
20:41
Alex: There's real science behind it, it's called enclothed cognition.
20:45
Alex: And there's lots of, tests that have been done by scientists, with different groups of people where they've told them that the most famous one is about the doctor's coat, the white coat.
20:57
Alex: So they had two test groups, and one group was told that the white coat was a doctor's coat, and the other group were told that it was painter's coat.
21:05
Alex: And the two groups were given the same kind of exercise to perform, and the group that were told that it was doctor's coat performed much better, and the group that were told it was painter's coat performed, not as
21:17
Alex: well as the other group.
21:19
Alex: And it's essentially the way that your brain activates and performs depending on what that clothing, means to you and what it creates in terms of your behavior and your performance.
21:32
Alex: So when we do just say to ourselves, "Oh, it doesn't really matter because I'm working from home, so I'll just keep in my athleisure.
21:38
Alex: I've got this, really important meeting that I'm doing on Zoom and I'm gonna intentionally choose the outfit that makes me feel confident and makes me feel powerful," and it totally transforms your posture, your body language, your eye contact.
21:53
Alex: It impacts all those different kind of sensory elements that actually on Zoom are so important.
22:00
Alex: In some ways, it's more important than when you're in person because you've got that barrier of the screen between you.
22:08
Alex: So it's so powerful.
22:09
Alex: The more intentional we can be, the better.
22:12
Jo: I remember when I used to do career coaching, I used to say to people, "Always wear shoes in your interviews- Yeah that are on Zoom because it makes you feel more dressed up."
22:23
Jo: So put your high heels on, actually dress for the interview.
22:27
Jo: Don't just rock up on Zoom any old how.
22:29
Jo: Very true.
22:29
Jo: So it's, it's a good reminder that we still need to do that in our business as well.
22:35
Alex: I did it during lockdown.
22:36
Alex: I got into a bit of a rut with, I had a one-year-old at home with me, and my husband was going out to work.
22:42
Alex: He actually had to physically go into work.
22:44
Alex: And so I was left at home trying to juggle everything with this child who was trying to walk and, it was just an absolute chaos.
22:53
Alex: And so I didn't, I ended up in this rut of kind of not making as much effort 'cause I wasn't going anywhere, I wasn't leaving the house.
22:59
Alex: And it just, I noticed with my mental health it wasn't making me feel great at all.
23:04
Alex: So I had a word with myself, and I was like, "What would I say to my clients or, what advice would I give?"
23:10
Alex: And so I started to reach for all of my favorite pieces within my wardrobe that I hadn't been wearing, and I made sure that I was doing a full face of makeup and it was amazing the difference that
23:21
Alex: it made, just Feeling pulled together and polished and putting on a silk shirt and a nice skirt.
23:27
Alex: And then the way that I was showing up on my Zoom calls was so much better, and I just felt in a much more positive mindset.
23:35
Alex: And it was such a great reminder to myself how powerful this work is, because we do definitely underestimate, that kind of mental load and how it's making us feel, and those voices that are running on script in the
23:51
Alex: back of our minds that we often don't realize how powerful it is.
23:56
Jo: And I suppose another thing that might be on people's minds is the money that they might need to spend on these new clothes- Especially if they may be starting out in business.
24:06
Jo: And you talk a lot about sustainable fashion, so I love the fact that it's actually getting trendy to wear secondhand clothes now.
24:13
Alex: Yeah.
24:13
Speaker: So tell us more about how you can build that wardrobe without spending a fortune.
24:19
Alex: I've had clients say to me before after we've finished working together, they've saved 5,000, 10,000 pounds a year from being more intentional.
24:29
Alex: So I think the more intentional you can get, obviously, the more money you save because you're not just going out, spending every week buying things for the sake of it.
24:37
Alex: You're actually thinking about, what do I actually need, and, what's missing from my wardrobe?
24:42
Alex: So that's a huge part of it.
24:44
Alex: But also, just the savings on finding things secondhand.
24:48
Alex: So almost having it as your default to search on Vinted or have your favorite kind of pre-loved sellers that you look for pieces that you're missing in your wardrobe, or even going to your local charity shop and just
25:00
Alex: having a rummage.
25:02
Alex: That's definitely not everybody's cup of tea because it takes a certain type of person, I think, to go in and find things.
25:08
Alex: I quite often have people say to me like, "Oh, God.
25:10
Alex: How do you find..."
25:11
Alex: If I say, "Oh, this is from a charity shop."
25:13
Alex: They're like, "I never find stuff like that in my charity shop.
25:16
Alex: How do you find stuff?"
25:17
Alex: And it's just, I think I'm obviously very lucky 'cause I've got a very trained eye to, pick things out that perhaps other people wouldn't even see.
25:25
Alex: But that's the beauty of Vinted and platforms like that.
25:29
Alex: And even, finding...
25:30
Alex: when I started my journey with being more sustainable, I found pre-loved sellers on Instagram, and I just started following some of my favorites that kind of resonated with my own style.
25:42
Alex: And they've all got websites, and then, I would see things that were coming up that they were selling.
25:49
Alex: It was a really great way for me to find, amazing pieces that nobody else had but at a fraction of the price.
25:55
Alex: I'm connected with some incredible, vintage and pre-loved sellers.
25:59
Alex: Like Phoenix Style is one of my favorites for kind of more premium pieces.
26:04
Alex: I interviewed her on my podcast recently actually, and we were having a discussion about she just doesn't really buy anything new anymore because she was using the example of jeans actually and saying, designer jeans or more premium jeans
26:17
Alex: are so expensive.
26:18
Alex: But actually, the cut and the fit and the quality is much more superior than if you- you're shopping on the high street.
26:25
Alex: But you can get them for kind of 50% off the retail price if you buy them secondhand, and they're still in such amazing condition because they are better quality and, cut better and all that kind of thing.
26:38
Alex: So that's another benefit that you can actually end up having a much more kind of curated forever wardrobe by buying secondhand because you can afford to get those more premium brands that actually a lot of us probably don't
26:54
Alex: have the budget to buy them new.
26:57
Alex: But when you're shopping secondhand you can actually get better quality pieces.
27:02
Jo: Yeah.
27:02
Jo: Totally.
27:03
Jo: That's always my preference is to buy secondhand good, well-made clothes versus- buy loads of cheap stuff that doesn't quite fit right.
27:11
Alex: Yeah,
27:11
Speaker: And when we talked about thinking about what I was gonna wear for my next event- you sent me all of these rental places.
27:19
Speaker: I didn't even know- Yeah they existed, so I'm just mentioning that in case anybody else needs to know- that actually you can also just hire a dress for three to five days or something- Yeah for a special occasion.
27:31
Alex: Yeah, and it just makes so much sense for occasions, 'cause I think that's often where we spend the most money, is on those kind of one-off pieces that actually you're probably not gonna wear again, or, you might wear
27:42
Alex: it once or twice.
27:43
Alex: And actually, we should be investing the kind of majority of our money on the things that we are gonna wear every day or on a regular basis, rather than spending it on something that we'll only wear once or
27:53
Alex: twice.
27:54
Alex: So that's why I love the whole idea of rental for occasion, because it means that you still get to have that kind of real statement beautiful piece, but you don't have to commit to have it in your wardrobe,
28:06
Alex: forever.
28:08
Jo: I buy things when I'm going to an event, and I never really think about the day-to-day stuff that I wear.
28:15
Jo: I only think- Yeah i've got, two outfits a year, 'cause I do two events a year.
28:19
Jo: Yeah.
28:20
Jo: Let's splash out on these.
28:21
Alex: Yeah.
28:21
Jo: And like you say, once you've worn them, and 'cause I get video people at my events and things, and then they're all over socials, you can never really wear them again because you feel- like you're so bored of
28:31
Jo: it, and everybody that knows you is so bored of it 'cause they see it online all the time.
28:35
Jo: Yeah.
28:36
Jo: So I love that reframe to actually prioritize the day to day, rather than the special occasion.
28:43
Alex: Yeah, definitely.
28:44
Alex: But I think there is also something to unpick for women especially around- outfit repeating and the fact that we've been told that we can't outfit repeat and, it's not good to be seen in the same thing twice, and
28:58
Alex: it's all such a load of BS, to be quite frank.
29:01
Alex: I think it's just that is all part of the fashion industry feeding, you must buy something new, and we get stuck in this cycle of needing to go out and buy something new every time.
29:11
Alex: And actually, that's not true because as we were saying at the beginning about personal brand, the more memorable you can be, the better.
29:21
Alex: I've got key pieces that I wear on repeat to several different things, and it's what makes me memorable, and it's what people remember about me.
29:31
Alex: That form of outfit repeating is actually really powerful.
29:35
Alex: So I think it's sometimes about getting creative and thinking about, how could I wear this in a different way, or how could I repurpose it or dress it up with different accessories or all of those kind of things,
29:47
Alex: and that's what I work with my clients on.
29:49
Alex: It's like, how can we re-envision your existing wardrobe?
29:53
Alex: And I often end up creating so many new outfits from what they've already got 'cause you're so used to you've just got this tunnel vision of this is how I wear this, and this goes with this, and you
30:04
Alex: don't even think about, like, all the other options that you could create from it.
30:07
Alex: So that, again, is something that helps you to save money.
30:12
Alex: But it also helps with that overwhelm as well because it actually makes you realize, I have got so much here that I can create so much more from And once we strip out all the bits that you're not
30:24
Alex: actually wearing and we focus in on what you've actually got, it's surprising what you can create.
30:29
Alex: Often, less is more in a lot of cases.
30:33
Jo: So on that point, how about the decision fatigue that we have on a day-to-day basis, therefore we just get the same thing that we wore yesterday or just trust the old stuff 'cause we just- don't have time to
30:47
Jo: think about what to wear.
30:48
Jo: What can help in those circumstances?
30:51
Alex: I definitely recommend taking a bit of time each season to do a bit of a detox of your wardrobe because we hold onto so much that we don't wear, and so many of us are wearing 20% of our
31:04
Alex: wardrobe 80% of the time.
31:06
Alex: And if you think about, when you open your wardrobe in the morning, if there's 80% of that you're not actually wearing and it's taking up head space as well as physical space, if we can clear through that and
31:18
Alex: actually be realistic about...
31:20
Alex: 'Cause we're so often holding onto things that, I'll fit into that one day, or I'll wear that for a special occasion, or I'm saving it for that one day when, and that never, ever actually transpires.
31:31
Alex: So I think the more intentional we can be about do I actually wear it, do I love it, do I need it?
31:37
Alex: Does it fit me?
31:38
Alex: Do I love it?
31:39
Alex: When am I gonna wear it?
31:41
Alex: And if you can't honestly answer those three questions about, those items in your wardrobe, then it's time to let them go with love.
31:49
Alex: So once you've done that detox, if you put everything back in the wardrobe facing the same direction, and then each time you take something out to wear it, you switch the direction of the hanger around the opposite way.
32:03
Alex: And then give yourself a certain time period, whether that's a month or three months or whatever it is, and at the end of that time period, you can see what you're actually wearing, and it will really quickly highlight
32:14
Alex: to you what you're wearing and what you're not.
32:16
Alex: And then you can think about why you're not wearing those other pieces, and it's actually a really powerful way of seeing that.
32:23
Jo: Oh my goodness, I'm writing notes.
32:25
Jo: I need to do all of this stuff because I have no idea what I wear and what I don't wear.
32:29
Jo: And I'm terrible at chucking things away 'cause I think, it's absolutely fine.
32:33
Jo: Nothing wrong with it."
32:34
Jo: Yeah.
32:35
Jo: S- But at the same time, when I moved house and we had sold one place, and we hadn't quite completed on the other house.
32:43
Jo: So anyway, we were essentially homeless living at my dad's in this tiny room.
32:47
Jo: And therefore I was living out of this suitcase.
32:49
Jo: And it was just the best time of my life because I had the two pairs of trousers, five tops.
32:57
Jo: I liked them all.
32:59
Jo: They all made me feel good 'cause they were all new at the time, and I...
33:03
Jo: And different colors, and I think my sister bought me them all actually.
33:07
Jo: So again, somebody else had bought me something that I would never normally wear myself.
33:12
Jo: And it was just so nice not to have to hunt through your wardrobe and crammed in stuff because you've got- Yeah so much stuff you can't actually find the really good stuff.
33:22
Alex: Even...
33:23
Alex: and we all do it.
33:24
Alex: I am guilty of it.
33:25
Alex: I was thinking the other day, I'm quite good at doing sort of detoxes at the beginning of each season, and then I make a bit of a wish list of anything that I'm particularly wanting for that season.
33:36
Alex: But I thought the other day, I was really struggling to get my dresses out of the wardrobe, and I thought, I need to tr- actually have...
33:43
Alex: make the time to try some of these on, 'cause I don't think I'm wearing half of them."
33:47
Alex: So we all do it.
33:48
Alex: We can all quite easily get stuck in that place, and it's just making some time.
33:53
Alex: And even if, you just put aside half an hour and you do one kind of product category each weekend or something.
34:00
Alex: Do your dresses one day, do your tops another day, and make it kind of bite-size and break it down so it's not...
34:07
Alex: doesn't seem like this big overwhelming task that you have to do.
34:12
Jo: So switching gears a little bit now into you and your business, because- I don't think I've even told you this, but I use you as an example for my clients all the time in how- great you are at
34:26
Jo: sales and without a tool, like everyone will hear you, but you're not a pushy person in any respect.
34:35
Jo: And that's why I think it's so outstanding how you do sales in particular.
34:40
Jo: So for example, I bought from you because you suggested a market research call, which is something I talk to all of my clients about doing.
34:49
Jo: And so many people resist because they think, I already know my ideal client.
34:53
Jo: God, you're not gonna make me do more market research calls, are you?"
34:57
Jo: And nobody really wants to do this.
34:59
Jo: No.
34:59
Jo: And nobody's also that effective in following up, because I suppose- we go into market research saying, "This isn't a sales pitch."
35:07
Alex: Yeah.
35:08
Jo: So tell us about your approach to sales.
35:12
Alex: Oh, it's definitely been something that is not my kind of strong point.
35:16
Alex: And I think being naturally, slightly more introverted, it's definitely been something that I've had to, work on and find my way of doing things.
35:25
Alex: And I've definitely had experiences with coaches in the past that kind of- Almost taught me the way I don't want to do things.
35:33
Alex: I've been in programs before, like I did something, I think it was around 2021, and I had this coach, and she used to be a stylist, and she was, had this program, I think it was called like Six
35:42
Alex: Figure Stylist or something like that.
35:44
Alex: But it was very much like a cookie cutter, this is how you do it and this is how you create your six figure thing.
35:51
Alex: And it was all about, bombarding people and direct messaging them, and it wasn't my way of doing things.
35:57
Alex: Like I've always been about building relationships and actually connecting with people, and not, I hate that kind of spammy, like cold messaging people and that kind of thing.
36:08
Alex: It's just not my way of doing things.
36:09
Alex: It might work for other people, but I think that's what I've learned over the past kind of six, seven years is like it has to resonate with me as a person, and I have to feel comfortable with it.
36:20
Alex: Because, the person on the receiving end is probably gonna feel, if I feel icky about how I'm doing something, they're gonna feel like that as well.
36:28
Alex: So I think now everything that I do is genuinely in service or it's the way that I feel comfortable doing it, and I think we massively underestimate that.
36:38
Alex: And actually, that could be completely wrong for you, because that might not suit your personality and your way of doing things.
36:45
Alex: So I think that's probably the biggest thing that I've learned.
36:49
Jo: And another thing I've noticed that you do is go out a lot, or like network.
36:55
Jo: Tell us more about how you find the right events, how you find the courage to go to these networking events where maybe you don't know people.
37:03
Alex: Yeah, I think it's been such a journey for me, and I think it's something that I underestimated about myself was that...
37:12
Alex: And it was something actually that probably got highlighted to me when I worked at Amazon, 'cause they were very much about, leadership principles and what your strengths are.
37:20
Alex: And it really got reflected back to me that mine was very much relationships, and earning trust was one of their kind of leadership pillars, and that was one of my big strengths.
37:30
Alex: And I'd never really kind of- I don't know, thought that about myself or recognized that in myself.
37:36
Alex: And so that obviously directly translates very well into networking and connecting with people in person.
37:43
Alex: And the same happened, w- when I left 'cause I actually worked part-time alongside my business for the first three years 'cause I had that kind of nervousness of leaving that regular income and all of that kind of thing.
37:56
Alex: So I saw it as a massive opportunity when I left my job and took my business full time.
38:01
Alex: Oh my God, I've got all this time.
38:03
Alex: I can actually go out and network and meet people in person.
38:07
Alex: So I saw it as a really big opportunity, but I think actually the mistake that I made for the first year or two was I went to lots of different things, and some of them weren't necessarily the right
38:19
Alex: rooms for me.
38:19
Alex: It wasn't, where my ideal client would be hanging out, or even just the right kind of people, that I wanted to connect with personally as well.
38:28
Alex: So I very quickly learned that actually my time is precious as a business owner, and I need to be really focused and really intentional about the rooms that I'm choosing and the people that I'm connecting with and, as
38:41
Alex: you said, like following up with people as well because it's very easy to find yourself busying yourself being in all these different places.
38:48
Alex: And then if you don't actually connect with people one-to-one on a personal level as well afterwards, then it can feel a bit pointless to, be going out into those rooms if you're not following up with people as well.
39:00
Alex: So I think I've massively learned over the last few years to be very intentional with the rooms that I'm choosing aligning them with not only, is my ideal client in that room, or are these people connected to my
39:13
Alex: ideal client, but also is this room aligned with me in terms of my values and my purpose and my mission and all of that kind of thing, and the same with collaborations as well.
39:25
Alex: I've collaborated with people in the past that perhaps in hindsight weren't necessarily the best fit, whether that's from a work ethic point of view, like I'm a very, What's the word?
39:35
Alex: Conscientious, and, I always put my everything into everything that I do, and I learnt very quickly that not everybody has the same kind of qualities in them.
39:45
Alex: So I think, again, when you're doing collaborations and that kinda thing, it's really important to think all of that through and really get to know that person and know that they're aligned with you in terms of the way
39:56
Alex: that they work and what they're putting into it.
39:58
Alex: And, even down to, marketing and things like that, I'm very consistent with my marketing and I put a lot of time and effort into it.
40:05
Alex: And I think when you collaborate with somebody who isn't, you can then quite easily end up doing all of the work if you're, putting on event or something like that.
40:14
Alex: So I think the more discerning you can be the better.
40:17
Jo: So true, and I think that's probably why I've hardly ever collaborated with anyone because it- feels like really hard to find a match- that will be at the same sort of level or work as hard as you might
40:31
Jo: work on things.
40:32
Jo: Yeah.
40:32
Jo: So I really do hear you on that, and it's a massive area I'd like to work on, but it feels like hard work due to all of the things- Yeah that
40:45
Alex: you just covered
40:45
Jo: definitely.
40:45
Jo: Yeah.
40:46
Jo: So another thing that you have done recently is shift your offer and make your own signature method, and be brave enough to make it quite different.
40:58
Jo: So tell us more about that, 'cause I often talk to clients about creating their own signature method.
41:03
Alex: Yeah, so I very much started my business in the same way that most stylists do, and I was offering, one-off services, like color analysis and shopping and wardrobe edits and things like that.
41:14
Alex: And it served me in the beginning.
41:17
Alex: But I quite quickly realized that I am, the way that I work and my gifts, if you like, are that I am, a much deeper person, the way that I see the world and the way that I do
41:29
Alex: things, and I'm actually really brilliant at creating transformations for people, and I just wasn't able to do that with those one-off services.
41:37
Alex: So both for me and for my ideal client, I wanted to create something that would create that lasting transformation.
41:47
Alex: So I started to offer packages within my business and, have, a much more intentional way of providing those services that would create those transformations.
41:56
Alex: And then, I evolved again, more recently and what I was saying at the beginning about how I've used my own lived experience in terms of personal development and different modalities that have been really effective for my own identity
42:13
Alex: work and evolution and transformation.
42:16
Alex: And I've created my own identity framework that I now use with my clients, and brought that into each of my packages to make sure that we're really getting to know who the person is, from the inside out, before
42:30
Alex: we then translate that into their style.
42:32
Alex: 'Cause I really strongly believe that if you don't do that, then the results just aren't going to last.
42:38
Alex: And not only that, it's just such a powerful process to go through, and I just really strongly believe that that will shift a lot for people.
42:47
Alex: The women that I work with tend to be, more established coaches or speakers or that kind of thing, and they're really having to be quite visible a lot of the time in what they're doing.
42:59
Alex: And I think it's really important to understand yourself and, how you communicate, the best way that you show up, and all of those things.
43:06
Alex: But for me, it's been a huge kind of stepping out of my comfort zone, because I had that fear of judgment, of what are people gonna think about using all these different modalities, like human design, and astrology, and
43:18
Alex: numerology, and things that, I had that fear of will people still think I'm credible if I'm a bit woo-woo, and all of those kind of things that go through your head.
43:26
Alex: I've seen the results of working with clients in this way and seen how powerful it is, and that's been really reassuring, and it's made me feel like, yes, this is definitely, the way forward in terms of my method.
43:38
Jo: I think choosing and stepping into what you really love and how you do it differently is so powerful.
43:45
Jo: And also, just to reiterate your earlier point about trust, because I think loads of people think that marketing or sales is sleazy, so I just love that actually trust is the core pinnacle of all of this stuff that
44:01
Jo: we have to do, make sales.
44:04
Jo: And actually, what better than to know yourself, be yourself, act in alignment with your values- and build real trust with your audience?
44:14
Alex: Yeah.
44:14
Speaker: And so tell us about your TEDx talk, 'cause I haven't heard much about this.
44:18
Speaker: When was it?
44:19
Speaker: How did you feel doing it?
44:20
Speaker: Tell us more.
44:22
Alex: I did it in 2024, and it was all around, my personal journey.
44:29
Alex: It was Are You a Slave to Fashion was the title.
44:32
Alex: So it was all about, my journey, recognizing that I was a big part of the problem, and then working towards creating more positive impact.
44:42
Alex: And it was really interesting actually, 'cause I learned so much about myself during that process.
44:48
Alex: It's a very intense kind of six months or so.
44:52
Alex: And such an amazing opportunity 'cause you get coached and, it depends on, the particular area that you're doing it in as to what that particular team does during the preparation time.
45:02
Alex: I was very fortunate to have an executive coach who, it's her day job that she helps women in, speaking and voice work and all that kind of thing.
45:13
Alex: So she was amazing in, advice and helping us with our scripts and writing and then obviously practicing, how we were going to actually perform.
45:23
Alex: And we had, one of her friends as a, what she calls herself, but like a voice, and performance coach for the West End.
45:32
Alex: And she came in and did a session with us that was much more, creative and expansive and getting you out of your tunnel vision with your script and getting you into your body and, like, how you breathe and
45:43
Alex: how you perform and all of that kind of thing.
45:45
Alex: Having all of that experience was just amazing.
45:49
Alex: And I'm sure it's helped me a lot in all of the, speaking and things that I've done since.
45:53
Alex: But it was really powerful in getting to know myself as well and going through that process, 'cause it's probably the scariest thing that I've ever done.
46:02
Alex: And also really interesting as well, 'cause you have to really do your research and have your, What's it called?
46:07
Alex: References for, all the information that you get because Ted's very strict on that, so you can't just, make things up and have your opinion.
46:16
Alex: So you can have your opinion, but it has to be grounded in, facts and evidence.
46:21
Alex: They've got a lot of different guidelines on what you can and can't, say, and you have to have your references.
46:25
Alex: So for me, it was really interesting because I did lots of research into, fast fashion, and one thing that really stood out for me with my topic was, we all assume that a lot of the kind of consumers
46:37
Alex: of fast fashion are young people that have a much lower disposable income and, they want to be up with the latest trends, and actually, when I was looking at the research, Shein's average customer is a 35-year-old woman who
46:51
Alex: earns £60,000 plus on average.
46:55
Alex: Gosh.
46:55
Alex: So it's very...
46:56
Alex: Our perception is often very different to the reality.
47:00
Jo: Yeah, totally.
47:02
Jo: Oh, I would have thought, yeah, it was 20-year-olds-
47:04
Alex: Yeah
47:05
Jo: who are just somehow just getting loads of clothes to wear each weekend.
47:08
Jo: That's insane.
47:08
Alex: Exactly.
47:10
Jo: Wow.
47:11
Jo: So if someone is listening right now and is maybe nervous about visibility or wants to take a step towards building their own personal style, what advice would you give them?
47:27
Alex: I think for me, it always just comes back to that being yourself on purpose and, not feeling like you have to show up as somebody else or do it in somebody else's way.
47:40
Alex: I think the more that you can be yourself and feel comfortable with that, for me, I've never been jazz hands, really extroverted, and I'm never gonna be like that.
47:52
Alex: And I think for a long time I pushed against that and thought, almost beat myself up about, "You're too quiet," and, "You're not loud enough," and actually, when I just recognize what my own strengths are and the way
48:05
Alex: that I perform at my best and, things like TEDx and all sorts of different things have helped me to find what that is for me.
48:13
Alex: I think, definitely working with experts who can bring that out for you is really powerful, 'cause sometimes it's quite hard to see for yourself and, see your strengths and see the best way to bring that out for you.
48:26
Alex: So I think definitely leaning on experts to collapse that timeline for you can be really powerful as well.
48:34
Jo: Oh, love it.
48:35
Jo: Totally.
48:35
Jo: And you're such a good model of it as well, so just listening to this conversation, I think, will be eye-opening for so many people that feel like we need to be performing online or doing something crazy on Instagram
48:51
Jo: or something.
48:52
Alex: Dancing.
48:53
Jo: Exactly, yeah.
48:54
Jo: No, I've never been able to do anything like that myself either.
48:57
Alex: No.
48:58
Speaker: So where can people find you if they want to get to know you and your work more?
49:04
Alex: I've also got a podcast as well, which is a great place to start if you want to find out more about we talk not just about style, but about, running a business, living an intentional life, sustainability, personal brand,
49:16
Alex: lots of different things, so.
49:18
Speaker: Oh, love it.
49:19
Speaker: Thank you so much.
49:20
Speaker: So I'm gonna have a go at quick-fire questions.
49:23
Speaker: Let's see how you get on with this.
49:25
Speaker: One item every woman should have in her wardrobe?
49:29
Alex: Something that she loves that, you know...
49:31
Alex: I hate to be, like, really prescriptive about, you should have this, 'cause I think it's so individual for each person, so I definitely say something that lights you up and that you really love
49:42
Speaker: Okay, love it.
49:43
Speaker: High Street or designer?
49:45
Alex: Oh, neither I think for me.
49:48
Alex: I think for me, shopping like pre-loved and secondhand is the best way to create your own unique sense of style.
49:59
Speaker: Biggest style myth?
50:02
Alex: It's not necessarily style, but I think it's this kind of, particularly for women, this kind of beauty ideal that we've all been sold to that, and it changes, depending on the particular decade.
50:15
Alex: So for me growing up it was like heroin chic and everybody has to be, skinny and thin and, androgynous and that kind of thing.
50:22
Alex: And then, more recently it's been the Kardashians, and you have to have a big bum and curves and all of this.
50:27
Alex: And all of it, no matter what it is at that particular time, is just completely unrealistic and not real.
50:34
Alex: So I think it, I'm very much about people embracing who they are and what their body shape is, and not trying to conform to this perfect style that doesn't actually exist.
50:47
Jo: Love it.
50:48
Jo: Okay, heels or flats?
50:50
Alex: Flats, definitely.
50:52
Jo: Ooh, interesting.
50:54
Alex: I used to wear heels more for, as we've said, like performing and important meetings and stuff like that.
51:01
Alex: But just for practicality now, I'm, like, running around a lot and wearing a lot of different hats, so I don't tend to wear them very much at all.
51:08
Speaker: Oh, totally.
51:09
Speaker: Okay, last one.
51:10
Speaker: One color every coach should own?
51:14
Speaker: Ooh.
51:15
Alex: I think it has to be something that's meaningful to you that really lights you up.
51:21
Alex: So you know, it can be so different depending on the individual.
51:24
Alex: For me, it's red, like that's my go-to power color.
51:28
Alex: So whatever your go-to thing is that makes you feel powerful and makes you feel confident, go for that because that's what's gonna be your go-to color.
51:37
Jo: Love it, and it's just super inspiring how your intentionality has fed into every single thing we've covered today, even the quick fire options.
51:48
Jo: So well done for passing the quick fire test.
51:52
Jo: Thank you so much, Alex.
51:54
Alex: It's been brilliant.
51:55
Alex: Thank you for having me.
51:57
Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone): Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Women in the Coaching Arena.
52:01
Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone): I have a mess of free resources on my website joannalottcoaching.com.
52:08
Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone): That's Joanna with an A and Lott with two T's.
52:12
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52:14
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52:18
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52:20
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52:26
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52:33
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