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Why Change is Hard: 5 Barriers to a Better Marriage · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for June 2nd, 2026 Why Change is Hard, 5 Barriers to a Better
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  Marriage Let's look at some reasons we don't make changes we want to make or know we need to make.
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  I don't deserve better. Most folks who feel this way don't say it out loud and
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  may not even say it in their minds.
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  But on some level, they have been told they are worthless and don't deserve
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  good things. And they have accepted that as truth.
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  We don't fight for what we think we don't deserve and may even sabotage it if
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  it starts to happen. Thank you.
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  Identity. We are identified by what we do and don't do.
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  Making changes to our actions changes how we see ourselves and how others see
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  us. This can be challenging.
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  Making changes can feel like taking off a mask you've worn for years.
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  It's terrifying to wonder if your spouse will like the person underneath.
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  Beyond that, human nature means you will get pushback when you change who you are.
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  Even when those changes benefit someone, or they have asked for them,
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  they may fight it. People fight your changes for the five reasons I'm discussing in this post.
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  Failure. Fear of failure keeps us from trying. Having tried and failed in the
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  past can make this one very powerful.
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  Loss. Change can mean less of something or giving something up.
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  Sometimes this means you give something up, other times others stop giving or doing something.
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  Our fear of others changing how they treat us is a big roadblock to change.
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  We'd rather be unhappy but stable than risk a season of conflict.
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  Comfortable with the status quo We have a sad ability to feel comfortable in
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  a mess we dislike I once talked with a man having marriage issues I pointed
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  out some things he was doing that were killing his marriage He agreed those
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  things were wrong and harmful to his marriage When I talked about making changes,
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  he was unwilling He didn't like how his marriage was,
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  but he understood it and found it comfortable He wanted his wife to change in
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  the ways that he wanted without him having to change And yes, his marriage ended,
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  Re-listen to this list and ask
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  yourself which of these you see yourself doing. How could you do better?
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  If you're aware of your spouse doing any of these things, is there a way you
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  could support or encourage them?
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  This is Paul reminding you that doing marriage well looks different for every couple.