Latest / The Menopause Disruptor Podcast / Reclaiming Libido, Pleasure and Enhancing Feminine Sexuality in Midlife with Susan Bratton

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Reclaiming Libido, Pleasure and Enhancing Feminine Sexuality in Midlife with Susan Bratton · The Menopause Disruptor Podcast

• 0:00
  Susan Bratton: Extending your sex span expands and extends your health span.
• 0:04
  Susan Bratton: It increases your longevity.
• 0:07
  Susan Bratton: There are a number of reasons why that it does.
• 0:10
  Susan Bratton: some of them are things like, it reboots your nervous system.
• 0:14
  Susan Bratton: It generates oxytocin.
• 0:17
  Susan Bratton: We haven't had all these experiences and we now suddenly we're having them and we're getting these neural pathways and we're having more experiences, and that's making us feel more confident, and then we can move from the receive of our feminine to the activation of the masculine in our sexuality where we begin to say, oh, I know what I want.
• 0:42
  Susan Bratton: Let's try this today.
• 0:43
  Susan Bratton: You know what would turn me on?
• 0:45
  Susan Bratton: I wanna try this.
• 0:49
  Mary Lee: To the Menopause Disruptor Podcast, the space where we break the silence, debunk the myths.
• 0:56
  Mary Lee: Boldly reframe what it means to thrive in midlife and beyond.
• 1:01
  Mary Lee: And today we're leaning into a topic that too often gets pushed into the shadows.
• 1:06
  Mary Lee: Sexual intimacy, low libido, and unspoken shame that can come with it.
• 1:13
  Mary Lee: And if you've ever felt like you've lost your spark or that desire is something that quietly faded into the background of your busy hormonally shifting life.
• 1:21
  Mary Lee: You're not alone, but you're also not broken.
• 1:26
  Mary Lee: My guest today is here to remind us that pleasure is not a luxury, it's a birthright.
• 1:31
  Mary Lee: Joining me is the unbelievable Susan Bratton, a renowned relationship in intimacy expert, the CEO of the 20 and personal life media.
• 1:41
  Mary Lee: The bestselling author of a staggering 34 books, including Relationship Magic, revive, her Drive and Sexual Soulmates, the Six Essentials for Connected Sex.
• 1:53
  Mary Lee: Susan has been featured across countless major platforms in the US and beyond, including the internationally claimed podcast diary of A CEO with Stephen Bartlett, where she captivated audiences with her trailblazing insights and disarmingly honest approach to sex.
• 2:10
  Mary Lee: Connection, orgasms and the truth about what really goes on behind closed doors.
• 2:16
  Mary Lee: Susan is unapologetically passionate about helping women, especially women in midlife, reclaim their libido, redefine intimacy, and reconnect to to the sensual, powerful beings we are.
• 2:29
  Mary Lee: And in this conversation, we dive deep into the hidden, often taboo issues that hold us back from experiencing true, nourishing pleasure.
• 2:38
  Mary Lee: Explore why intimacy is not separated from health, but fundamental to it mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
• 2:47
  Mary Lee: This conversation is not just about sex.
• 2:50
  Mary Lee: It's about sovereignty, and the divine right to experience pleasure in our bodies at every age.
• 2:57
  Mary Lee: I am certain this episode will expand your thinking, dissolve some outdated beliefs, and spark something within you that might just change your life or your bedroom for the better.
• 3:10
  Mary Lee: but before we begin, here's something you need to know about Susan Bratton.
• 3:14
  Mary Lee: Susan is hailed as the intimacy expert to millions.
• 3:18
  Mary Lee: Is a champion and advocate for all those who desire intimacy and passion She's created hundreds of techniques that transform having sex into making love, and is the world's most well-respected sexual biohacker.
• 3:34
  Mary Lee: Fun fact, Susan did mannequin modeling in department stores to put herself through college.
• 3:39
  Mary Lee: She became a multimillionaire by the age of 37.
• 3:42
  Mary Lee: lost everything, and then went on to build her business with incredible success.
• 3:47
  Mary Lee: Her core expertise lies in the intersection between passionate lovemaking techniques and bedroom communication skills, and she has studied extensively what makes intimacy truly passionate, surrendered, and connected, and she boils down those skills to simple practices that anyone can use to achieve profound, pleasurable results.
• 4:08
  Mary Lee: So get ready to feel seen, inspired, and maybe even a little turned on in the best way possible.
• 4:15
  Mary Lee: Good morning, Susan.
• 4:16
  Mary Lee: I am so thrilled to have you on the show.
• 4:18
  Mary Lee: We are gonna talk about something that's really important in the menopause experience.
• 4:22
  Mary Lee: I mean, we lose our memory and we are so many other things.
• 4:29
  Mary Lee: We lose, uh, our muscle mass.
• 4:32
  Susan Bratton: Mm-hmm.
• 4:32
  Mary Lee: thing that we lose that we're not talking about and is so critical, and I think there's a, a beautiful tie in with mental health and that is losing our sex drive, our libido, and our to, or desire to explore sexually.
• 4:47
  Mary Lee: Essentially, you're here to talk about we can do about it, become better lovers, and this is so significant as we go through a menopause journey to reclaim our power as divine feminine women.
• 5:02
  Susan Bratton: Mm-hmm.
• 5:03
  Susan Bratton: Yes, thank you, Mary Lee.
• 5:04
  Susan Bratton: Yeah, there is, um, so much that goes on with us physically that can be really overwhelming during the time of menopause.
• 5:14
  Susan Bratton: things that affect us like, uh, thinning of the entire vulval.
• 5:19
  Susan Bratton: tissue system, the erectile tissue system, which makes it harder to achieve orgasm, make sex painful, increases difficulty for lubrication.
• 5:29
  Susan Bratton: And I want to give your listeners some really helpful tips about lubrication.
• 5:35
  Susan Bratton: I'm going to tell you all the different things I do to keep my yoni.
• 5:39
  Susan Bratton: And that's, that's a word that I really love to use for Our entire female genital system because I don't like the word vulva because that's just the outside.
• 5:48
  Susan Bratton: I don't like the word vagina because it feels very patriarchal.
• 5:51
  Susan Bratton: Like, the only thing that matters is the place that the penis goes in and the baby comes out, you know, like we're not, we're not breeding stock.
• 5:58
  Susan Bratton: We're pleasure beings.
• 6:00
  Susan Bratton: And, The difficulty achieving orgasm as we age, what can be done about that, um, so loss of sensation, loss of lubrication, incontinence, things like that, but then overall just beginning to lose internal system resources around mitochondrial function, lower energy, the heavy load.
• 6:22
  Susan Bratton: of stress and how it takes its toll and often that we don't acknowledge the powerful impact that is having on us.
• 6:33
  Susan Bratton: that's gut punching us and we're thinking it's like we don't have enough Estrogen.
• 6:39
  Susan Bratton: Estrogen is not going to solve that.
• 6:41
  Susan Bratton: So, you know, what do you do about that?
• 6:43
  Susan Bratton: And, um, I want to want him, but I don't, I feel guilty.
• 6:49
  Susan Bratton: I feel broken.
• 6:51
  Susan Bratton: I'm, I feel, embarrassed.
• 6:53
  Susan Bratton: I don't like the way my body's changing.
• 6:55
  Susan Bratton: We've got body image issues.
• 6:57
  Susan Bratton: Often those, and not wanting, not having desire.
• 7:01
  Susan Bratton: When our partners still have more testosterone, uh, than we do, also makes us feel guilty that we're doing a bad job being a partner.
• 7:11
  Susan Bratton: I mean, it is just an absolute grenade of issues that detonates in midlife, but I have solutions for everything, honestly, for everything.
• 7:24
  Susan Bratton: And I think the most important thing is that anybody who's listening to this episode that we're doing together, Mary Lee, that's someone who hasn't yet given up their sex life.
• 7:37
  Susan Bratton: The women who are normal listeners on your show, who listen to other shows, but don't listen to this, they've already given up.
• 7:47
  Susan Bratton: they're glad to be out from under it.
• 7:50
  Susan Bratton: They've shut it down and moved on.
• 7:53
  Susan Bratton: And that's a true, that's a reasonable choice.
• 7:55
  Susan Bratton: So I want to talk today to the women who haven't given up.
• 8:00
  Susan Bratton: And are looking for answers, solutions, workarounds, ideas, et cetera.
• 8:06
  Susan Bratton: Because I think that's the most important thing is that there's a fork in the road.
• 8:11
  Susan Bratton: And I can, I can say this because the people, the women who are listening are still, yes, how, what, hope, please tell me.
• 8:21
  Susan Bratton: And they, if they continue to seek information and solve their problems, then they'll take a fork in the road toward long term intimate pleasure and connection, which will add years to their life, literally make them look younger than their cohorts who took the other fork in the road, and they will be happier at the end of their life, which is one of the biggest contributors.
• 8:53
  Susan Bratton: to living longer is of course being in relationship and happier.
• 8:58
  Susan Bratton: So we're really talking about a long, it's longevity.
• 9:04
  Susan Bratton: When you pull, tease it all apart, the ultimate, the ultimate goal is a longer, healthier, happier life.
• 9:13
  Susan Bratton: And that's what passionate lovemaking, good intimacy, sexual pleasure does for us.
• 9:20
  Susan Bratton: So I'm 63 now, and I'm having the best sex of my life.
• 9:25
  Susan Bratton: I'm also still menstruating.
• 9:28
  Susan Bratton: It's my choice to do it because I've been taking Bioidentical Hormone Replacement for decades now, since my 40s.
• 9:38
  Susan Bratton: I've been keeping my hormones topped up.
• 9:41
  Susan Bratton: I'm a bit of an odd bird in that I want to menstruate as long as possible because for me, it feels good and it's a signal of fertility that makes me feel a little less put out to pasture.
• 9:57
  Susan Bratton: Not every woman, very few women like me to say it.
• 10:02
  Susan Bratton: They get really triggered by it.
• 10:04
  Susan Bratton: I've gotten hate comments for it.
• 10:07
  Susan Bratton: It's triggering for people because they don't want their period.
• 10:11
  Susan Bratton: They want to be done.
• 10:12
  Susan Bratton: They don't like it and they're afraid of hormones and I understand that.
• 10:17
  Susan Bratton: So that's why I really want to, I'm saying some things because I am a, I'm really a longevity.
• 10:24
  Susan Bratton: oriented person.
• 10:26
  Susan Bratton: Everything that I'm doing around my aging is to live to a hundred and have hot sex till the day I die.
• 10:33
  Mary Lee: Beautiful.
• 10:34
  Mary Lee: Amen to that.
• 10:36
  Mary Lee: Sign me up.
• 10:38
  Susan Bratton: Good.
• 10:40
  Mary Lee: That's incredible,
• 10:41
  Susan Bratton: You're on the list.
• 10:43
  Mary Lee: Well after I, after we unpack what you have to share
• 10:47
  Susan Bratton: Yeah.
• 10:48
  Mary Lee: keeping ourselves healthy
• 10:51
  Susan Bratton: Mm-hmm.
• 10:51
  Mary Lee: a pleasurable way for long, long-term health
• 10:55
  Susan Bratton: Yeah.
• 10:55
  Mary Lee: goals and, and I love that, but 63 and still menstruating.
• 10:59
  Mary Lee: I can't let that one go without looking into this.
• 11:01
  Mary Lee: Now, of course, we all know that everybody's, uh, menopause journey is unique and personal to them.
• 11:07
  Mary Lee: And this is probably a rarity.
• 11:10
  Susan Bratton: It is.
• 11:11
  Mary Lee: I'm not sure how the doctor has explained because bioidentical starting and now we are understanding that starting bioidenticals earlier and,
• 11:21
  Susan Bratton: Mm.
• 11:21
  Mary Lee: then the Menopause Society formerly NAMS is backing this 100%.
• 11:25
  Mary Lee: The earlier you can get on it, the better you're setting yourself up for long-term health goals.
• 11:30
  Mary Lee: For a number
• 11:31
  Susan Bratton: Yeah.
• 11:31
  Mary Lee: heart health, brain
• 11:32
  Susan Bratton: Yeah.
• 11:33
  Mary Lee: uh,
• 11:33
  Susan Bratton: Bone health.
• 11:35
  Mary Lee: bone health,
• 11:35
  Susan Bratton: God health, hard health.
• 11:38
  Susan Bratton: Yeah.
• 11:39
  Susan Bratton: Yeah.
• 11:40
  Mary Lee: be able to still, menstruate into
• 11:43
  Susan Bratton: Mm-hmm.
• 11:43
  Mary Lee: that is, that is an anomaly, I will have to say
• 11:46
  Susan Bratton: I am an anomaly.
• 11:47
  Susan Bratton: Mm-hmm.
• 11:47
  Mary Lee: But, I love how that aside, how you've reframed it in such a way that you are, and it's the whole thing about pleasure maintaining your divine feminine birthright
• 12:03
  Susan Bratton: Mm-hmm.
• 12:04
  Mary Lee: it and stepping into that power.
• 12:06
  Susan Bratton: Yeah.
• 12:06
  Mary Lee: that alone, that mindset has been, uh, uh, it number one step in anything that we want to accomplish or go through the challenges is the mindset work and recognizing that we're stepping into such a beautiful opportunity in our lives as we go through the menopause transition.
• 12:25
  Mary Lee: But this, the sexual pleasure.
• 12:28
  Mary Lee: I never really equated it to pleasure being that, that golden ticket, if you will, to still maintain vitality and longevity.
• 12:40
  Susan Bratton: Mm-hmm.
• 12:41
  Susan Bratton: Yeah.
• 12:42
  Mary Lee: dive into the whole issue about pleasure and I think one area I'd like to start is, why do women feel they have to give up their desire to have pleasure?
• 12:55
  Mary Lee: Why are they denying themselves the right to still seek pleasure sexually?
• 13:00
  Susan Bratton: Yeah.
• 13:00
  Susan Bratton: Okay, good.
• 13:02
  Susan Bratton: And I want to comment on one thing that you said in your response to my last question as well.
• 13:06
  Susan Bratton: Um, but I've got it.
• 13:08
  Susan Bratton: Why do women think they have to give it up?
• 13:10
  Susan Bratton: Um, and that is that you said living into our full femininity, and I live into my full femininity, but I also live into my full masculinity.
• 13:22
  Susan Bratton: When I do hormone replacement, I'm not only taking estrogen and progesterone, I'm also taking testosterone.
• 13:29
  Susan Bratton: And I am, I am a, very big woman.
• 13:35
  Susan Bratton: I'm almost six feet tall, I weigh over 160 pounds.
• 13:40
  Susan Bratton: It's mostly muscle.
• 13:41
  Susan Bratton: I'm wearing my workout clothes right now because I'm going to go lift after this episode.
• 13:49
  Susan Bratton: And I am really focused on not shrinking.
• 13:55
  Susan Bratton: That's how I think about it.
• 13:57
  Susan Bratton: And I'm not shrinking from anything.
• 13:59
  Susan Bratton: anyone, anywhere, anytime, or any place.
• 14:04
  Susan Bratton: Now, that being said, I am married to my husband of 33 years, and I had a very, insecurely attached, traumatic childhood, and I really need safety and security as my number one relationship value, and yet, equally, I'm a warrior princess.
• 14:28
  Susan Bratton: So, I like what testosterone replacement gets me too, which is Confidence balls.
• 14:37
  Susan Bratton: It gives you balls.
• 14:38
  Susan Bratton: You know, it makes you not afraid to drive on the freeway.
• 14:41
  Susan Bratton: It makes you stand up for yourself.
• 14:44
  Susan Bratton: It makes you have more sexual desire.
• 14:48
  Susan Bratton: It is such and it helps you build muscle.
• 14:52
  Susan Bratton: And I'm focused on muscle building.
• 14:56
  Susan Bratton: I'm focused on bone growth.
• 14:58
  Susan Bratton: Osteoblasts are my friend.
• 15:01
  Susan Bratton: I really like to, one of the workout things that I do is called the ARX machine.
• 15:06
  Susan Bratton: I did it yesterday, and it's this machine that does eccentric and concentric Motions the underweight very slowly and they you push it really, really slowly and maintain this even push against the machine and then it pushes back against you and you resist it.
• 15:27
  Susan Bratton: All the way back for a minute, and then you do other exercises and things like that.
• 15:32
  Susan Bratton: And what that does is it builds not only muscle, but bone density, which is so important for us.
• 15:39
  Susan Bratton: Hip fractures and urinary incontinence are the top two things that put us in assisted living, And the second thing that I want to say about the masculinity is because I'm a sexuality educator, what I actually do is I teach passionate lovemaking techniques, bedroom communication skills, and intimate wellness.
• 16:01
  Susan Bratton: And now I'm going to move into answering your second question about female pleasure.
• 16:06
  Susan Bratton: The reason that I do it, and the reason that I do what I do, teach passionate, it's heart connected, passionate, conscious, love making techniques.
• 16:19
  Susan Bratton: Because essentially, they are the antidote to everything we see in the media and pornography, which is All male pleasure centered women don't even see any images.
• 16:37
  Susan Bratton: We get no education about what the female body wants for pleasure.
• 16:43
  Susan Bratton: What we need for pleasure.
• 16:46
  Susan Bratton: So the reason that those women who gave up gave is that they likely never had sex that was pleasurable enough to bother continuing to do it.
• 17:00
  Mary Lee: uh,
• 17:01
  Susan Bratton: Because if you love the sex you're having with your partner and you've got vaginal thinning, loss of lubrication, more difficulty orgasming, you go out and you fix it.
• 17:12
  Susan Bratton: The other women are like, I'm just gonna let it go.
• 17:14
  Susan Bratton: So, if you think about what it is that holds us back from having the pleasure that we want, it is that we've never seen what that can really look like for us.
• 17:25
  Susan Bratton: It's, it's pushed down, it's hidden from us.
• 17:28
  Susan Bratton: That's why I think tantric lovemaking, and I don't necessarily teach tantra, but I teach the techniques that are tantra techniques without calling them tantra.
• 17:38
  Susan Bratton: I teach the heart connection, I teach the closeness, getting into this Theta brainwave state of connection that you don't know where your pleasure and orgasm start and your partner's pleasure and orgasms end.
• 17:51
  Susan Bratton: It's all just this beautiful kind of intertwined DNA helix, kind of a spiritual experience of just incredible pleasure together.
• 18:02
  Susan Bratton: It's slower paced.
• 18:03
  Susan Bratton: It's less the kind of sex that we see is, is what I would call grab a boob and stick it in, right?
• 18:10
  Susan Bratton: It's just driven to penetration.
• 18:12
  Susan Bratton: I was on a show the other day with the lovely Karen Martell, another menopause show.
• 18:18
  Susan Bratton: And I was talking to her about female libido desire and arousal and how libido is your physical health.
• 18:30
  Susan Bratton: When you're not healthy, that low resource thing that I was talking about, the mitochondrial, like the, the losing of your mitochondrial efficiency and things like that, that it makes you tired.
• 18:43
  Susan Bratton: And it, your body's not working as well as you two and it's harder to do anything, it's hard, it's harder just to change the darn sheets on the bed, you know, so you just, you get fatigued.
• 18:54
  Susan Bratton: so that's libido, desire is, how do I feel about myself?
• 18:57
  Susan Bratton: How do I feel about my partner?
• 18:59
  Susan Bratton: God, our self talk, look at your fat butt, we got to let that stuff go.
• 19:05
  Susan Bratton: We got to love ourselves.
• 19:06
  Susan Bratton: And when we're walking around with core wounds, fears, poor, secure attachments, low self worth.
• 19:13
  Susan Bratton: feeling unlovable, that really affects our desire.
• 19:18
  Susan Bratton: And how do we feel about our partner?
• 19:21
  Susan Bratton: Are they meeting our needs in the other aspects of our relationship?
• 19:25
  Susan Bratton: Have they let themselves go?
• 19:26
  Susan Bratton: You know what?
• 19:27
  Susan Bratton: There's a million things about our partner.
• 19:29
  Susan Bratton: And then arousal.
• 19:31
  Susan Bratton: And this is where I really feel like we get tripped up in our own lingerie.
• 19:35
  Susan Bratton: And that is that if you think about a male body partner, his penis, it gets an erection really quickly.
• 19:43
  Susan Bratton: The testosterone, the hemodynamics, he just, He's ready to go.
• 19:47
  Susan Bratton: And everything we see on the movies is, he rips off her shirt and he pulls down her pants and he plunges into her and she starts having an orgasm and it's just incredible.
• 19:57
  Susan Bratton: And women are like, I don't, that doesn't happen for me.
• 20:00
  Susan Bratton: What, what's wrong with that?
• 20:01
  Susan Bratton: What's wrong with me?
• 20:01
  Susan Bratton: And that's not what our bodies need.
• 20:03
  Susan Bratton: Our bodies take about 20 minutes for that same erectile tissue that we have in our vulva.
• 20:10
  Susan Bratton: It's the same.
• 20:11
  Susan Bratton: If I took all the erectile tissue out of your husband's penis and laid it in one hand, it would cover your palm.
• 20:16
  Susan Bratton: If I took it out of your vulva and put it in the other hand, it would cover your palm.
• 20:21
  Susan Bratton: But his is like three tubes.
• 20:25
  Susan Bratton: It's like a banana.
• 20:26
  Susan Bratton: Ours is little nooks and crannies, little tiny things, little arms, little legs, little shafts, little glands, little sponges, little tubes, literally.
• 20:36
  Susan Bratton: That's what that looks like in there.
• 20:38
  Susan Bratton: And so it just takes longer for the blood to seep in because we don't need it to Shoot in and lock off to hold our erection.
• 20:47
  Susan Bratton: Our erection comes slowly.
• 20:48
  Susan Bratton: And every time we have sex, any kind of sex, whether it's oral pleasuring, intercourse, whatever it might be, any time we rush through, before we're what's called fully engorged, I like to call it our lady boner, before we get to that point, if we've already been penetrated, It's not gonna feel good.
• 21:16
  Susan Bratton: We don't have our erection.
• 21:19
  Susan Bratton: Your husband's not gonna have lovemaking without a, a, you know, engorged penis, right?
• 21:26
  Susan Bratton: A hard, firm erection.
• 21:27
  Susan Bratton: But we do it constantly because nobody told us.
• 21:31
  Susan Bratton: And we see no evidence of it.
• 21:33
  Susan Bratton: And that's societal repression, religious repression.
• 21:37
  Susan Bratton: It's all the control mechanisms for owning women's bodies instead of giving us information and autonomy.
• 21:44
  Susan Bratton: And, we don't have pleasure based sex education.
• 21:48
  Susan Bratton: We don't see it in the movies.
• 21:49
  Susan Bratton: We don't see any of that stuff.
• 21:50
  Susan Bratton: So how would we know?
• 21:51
  Susan Bratton: We're just trying to have sex.
• 21:53
  Susan Bratton: We've been having sex like men instead of having sex like women.
• 21:56
  Susan Bratton: I do not blame men.
• 21:57
  Susan Bratton: They don't know either.
• 21:58
  Susan Bratton: they didn't get the memo.
• 21:59
  Susan Bratton: They didn't get anything that we didn't get.
• 22:00
  Susan Bratton: And so they're just doing what they see.
• 22:03
  Susan Bratton: They're just doing what they think and they're doing what feels good to them.
• 22:06
  Susan Bratton: So I think that's a very, very important part of it is that you've never probably achieved the level of pleasure.
• 22:12
  Susan Bratton: So I was talking to Karen and I was talking about Yoni massage.
• 22:16
  Susan Bratton: Yoni massage using certain tools that I like.
• 22:20
  Susan Bratton: Um, I really recommend having Yoni massages and having your partner give them to you and using Volvo massage tools.
• 22:27
  Susan Bratton: there's a couple that I like.
• 22:29
  Susan Bratton: One is called the Queen and one is literally simply called the Vibe.
• 22:32
  Susan Bratton: And they're external massagers that help.
• 22:35
  Susan Bratton: Accelerate the engorgement of blood flow and start priming your orgasmic so that you become very multi orgasmic from oral pleasuring, manual pleasuring, love making, etc.
• 22:50
  Susan Bratton: And, let me give you a link for it too, Mary Lee, because I found that people get really frustrated if I don't say exactly where to go to find it.
• 23:00
  Susan Bratton: they're at drivedesire.
• 23:03
  Susan Bratton: com.
• 23:04
  Susan Bratton: And the queen is a little stronger.
• 23:06
  Susan Bratton: I prefer it, I like the deeper penetrative sensation of it, but some women are more sensitive, more delicate, or more kind of highly sensitive people who don't like noisy things.
• 23:19
  Susan Bratton: And the queen's not noisy, but the vibe is completely quiet.
• 23:22
  Susan Bratton: Like if you have kids in the house and you're worried about using anything, and a lot of people do.
• 23:27
  Susan Bratton: And, uh, they want something completely silent.
• 23:30
  Susan Bratton: If I turn this on and turn this up to full blast, you could not hear it if I held it right to the microphone.
• 23:35
  Susan Bratton: So, have a yoni massage practice, and don't tie it.
• 23:41
  Susan Bratton: To penetration or sex of any kind, just start this practice with your partner if you're lucky enough to have one and it could take 10 times for you to get all that blood flow really into all that tissue for you to feel what I mean.
• 23:57
  Susan Bratton: It could take two times.
• 23:59
  Susan Bratton: It could be the first time.
• 24:00
  Susan Bratton: But when you lay down with your partner and you give them the opportunity to pleasure you and to find your way together to what feels good and where you need it, which by the way is different every time, because even after menopause, we run with the moon cycle, and so sometimes we need more pressure, faster, harder, deeper, sometimes it's light, Verily touch me.
• 24:24
  Susan Bratton: You know, so delicate.
• 24:26
  Susan Bratton: And we have to tune into that.
• 24:28
  Susan Bratton: We have to use our interception, one of our senses, because sex is sensual.
• 24:34
  Susan Bratton: That is the way we scan our body.
• 24:37
  Susan Bratton: You know how if you're like, oh, I've got gas, I've got you know, or Oh, I've got a stomach ache, or, oh, I stu my toe and I think I really heard it, or whatever.
• 24:44
  Susan Bratton: That's called interoception and.
• 24:46
  Susan Bratton: Your vulva, your yoni, she's talking to you all the time.
• 24:53
  Susan Bratton: If you tune into her and listen, she'll tell you and then you tell your partner what she's telling you because you have to team together.
• 25:00
  Susan Bratton: You can't expect your partner to know what to do.
• 25:03
  Susan Bratton: You can't expect yourself to know what to do.
• 25:06
  Susan Bratton: And what you did last time is not what you're going to want now.
• 25:08
  Susan Bratton: So really tuning in and beginning that communication so your partner can win.
• 25:16
  Susan Bratton: And you, you give him a lot of respect for a job well done because he got the information that he needed.
• 25:21
  Susan Bratton: That's what he's looking for.
• 25:22
  Susan Bratton: So when women shy away from pleasure, it's because they honestly have never really felt it.
• 25:30
  Susan Bratton: And they're so used to putting themselves last, of course, as well, and they're like doing it for him or whatever.
• 25:36
  Susan Bratton: And that's just a bad, that's a bad road to go down.
• 25:38
  Susan Bratton: Working on expanding your pleasure is The best thing and that's why I think Yoni massages are a really good place to start because then you're introducing a tool into your lovemaking into your intimate time where your partner is not going to feel like, Oh, she, I'm not giving her enough pleasure.
• 25:58
  Susan Bratton: It's more like when you talk to him about it being a tool, he understands tools.
• 26:02
  Susan Bratton: I often joke that if Makita or some, Home Depot or whatever, those, man's tools whatever they are.
• 26:09
  Susan Bratton: I don't even know what man's tools are.
• 26:10
  Susan Bratton: This is why I like men because they know what man's tools are.
• 26:15
  Mary Lee: Yeah.
• 26:16
  Susan Bratton: if it was like an electric screw drill or something, I was like, I sound like such a dummy.
• 26:21
  Mary Lee: A ban.
• 26:21
  Mary Lee: I don't know.
• 26:23
  Susan Bratton: It just like electric drill.
• 26:24
  Susan Bratton: But it was a yoni massage brand.
• 26:25
  Susan Bratton: It was that brand, but it was a yoni massager.
• 26:27
  Susan Bratton: A dude would be like, yeah, I've got the best one in the business.
• 26:30
  Susan Bratton: This is, my wife is just like really loving sex now because I give her these yoni massage.
• 26:35
  Susan Bratton: Oh, you don't give your wife, you don't even say, oh, you gotta get this tool.
• 26:37
  Susan Bratton: Yeah, I got that down at the depot.
• 26:39
  Susan Bratton: you gotta work with them the way they're, and you know what they like, right?
• 26:43
  Susan Bratton: We want jewelry, we want flowers, we want candy.
• 26:46
  Susan Bratton: They like tools.
• 26:47
  Susan Bratton: But if you posit it in the right way, it empowers them.
• 26:52
  Susan Bratton: You're so good with your hands.
• 26:53
  Susan Bratton: You're so good with tools.
• 26:54
  Susan Bratton: I wanna try this.
• 26:56
  Susan Bratton: You know.
• 26:58
  Mary Lee: this is fascinating.
• 27:00
  Susan Bratton: Good.
• 27:01
  Mary Lee: you did say, and I, I'm gonna jump on this.
• 27:04
  Mary Lee: Expand your pleasure.
• 27:06
  Mary Lee: And I think of expansion again as we enter into our age of wisdom and elevated philosophy.
• 27:13
  Mary Lee: Menopause is the age of wisdom where we step into this new role.
• 27:16
  Mary Lee: We're not birthing children whether we've had them or not, but that role of reproduction, we're birthing into something great or something that is centered on us, which again, you're societal and religious construct that says, how dare we be so self-centered and egotistical.
• 27:35
  Mary Lee: But it isn't because we're stepping into a time expansion.
• 27:40
  Mary Lee: We're expanding everything about our feminine side.
• 27:43
  Mary Lee: and I do appreciate that you said the, the masculine too, because a well-balanced system, if we
• 27:50
  Susan Bratton: Mm-hmm.
• 27:51
  Mary Lee: for example,
• 27:52
  Susan Bratton: Yeah.
• 27:53
  Mary Lee: Is the balance between the masculine and feminine side, not necessarily male female, but the, the masculine being things that are more structured and things that are,
• 28:03
  Susan Bratton: Goal oriented.
• 28:04
  Mary Lee: goal
• 28:05
  Susan Bratton: Mm-hmm.
• 28:05
  Mary Lee: Exactly.
• 28:06
  Mary Lee: Whereas the feminine is nurturing,
• 28:09
  Susan Bratton: Mm-hmm.
• 28:10
  Mary Lee: self-exploration.
• 28:11
  Mary Lee: And I really love how you said expand your pleasure.
• 28:14
  Mary Lee: It's a moment of expansion.
• 28:16
  Mary Lee: So when you're working with people, how, when they're coming to this pivotal point in their lives, especially for the women, but midlife for men and
• 28:25
  Susan Bratton: Mm-hmm.
• 28:26
  Mary Lee: where this intimacy, heart-centered intimacy and connection
• 28:30
  Susan Bratton: Mm-hmm.
• 28:31
  Mary Lee: and being aware that pleasure is, something that allows us to maintain health and vitality.
• 28:39
  Susan Bratton: Mm-hmm.
• 28:41
  Mary Lee: coach them?
• 28:42
  Susan Bratton: Yeah.
• 28:43
  Mary Lee: To embrace this idea is this is your moment to expand.
• 28:47
  Mary Lee: If you've never had it before or what you have right now, on it.
• 28:52
  Mary Lee: So there is the opportunity for multi orgasms.
• 28:54
  Mary Lee: 'cause women don't know often that they can go beyond the first one,
• 28:59
  Susan Bratton: Yep.
• 29:00
  Mary Lee: Yeah.
• 29:00
  Mary Lee: So
• 29:00
  Susan Bratton: Yeah,
• 29:01
  Mary Lee: let's get into that.
• 29:02
  Susan Bratton: so our body has, our body has over 20 ability to have over 20 different kinds of orgasms locations to touch techniques, to use objects of desire like, the queen and the vibe.
• 29:14
  Susan Bratton: And, we often have learned one pathway and we can get there if we just do it this one way.
• 29:23
  Susan Bratton: The problem is that really limits you.
• 29:26
  Susan Bratton: A lot of women also, when they are shy about their genitals, they don't necessarily want anyone to touch them or for them to be seen or they feel like.
• 29:38
  Susan Bratton: That doesn't even, I don't, I can't even feel anything when you touch that, part of me or I feel kind of ashamed that you're looking at me or you're touching me, or it hurts.
• 29:47
  Susan Bratton: I feel pain.
• 29:49
  Susan Bratton: And so the way to think about this is that your biggest sex organ is your brain, and it's not your biggest sex organ because, oh, I, I like dirty talk or pillow talk, or I want, when, any of those kinds of things, it's, it's more that it's the processor of sensation.
• 30:09
  Mary Lee: Of course,
• 30:10
  Susan Bratton: So when you touch your various parts of your vulva, you are feeling either pleasure or pain or shame or numbness, but your entire vulva can become activated.
• 30:23
  Susan Bratton: You can step into and expand your pleasure starting today for the rest of your life.
• 30:29
  Susan Bratton: I'm having all the kinds of orgasms and they feel much more pleasurable.
• 30:35
  Susan Bratton: They're more intense.
• 30:37
  Susan Bratton: They last longer, they're more satisfying than they've ever been for me because I've systematically just experimented with my partner and learned them all as I've gone through them and discovered them.
• 30:48
  Susan Bratton: And then that's what I teach, my followers and I don't work with anybody one-on-one.
• 30:54
  Susan Bratton: I'm not a coach nor a therapist.
• 30:56
  Susan Bratton: I'm an author of passionate love making techniques.
• 31:00
  Susan Bratton: I essentially think about myself like I'm writing cookbooks.
• 31:04
  Susan Bratton: It's a very, very similar kind of a thing where you get a recipe and it gives you the directions and you chop, you dice, you mix, you bake, you turn out a recipe the first time you make it.
• 31:19
  Susan Bratton: It might not be perfect the second time you make it.
• 31:22
  Susan Bratton: You knew more what you were going for.
• 31:24
  Susan Bratton: The third time you made it, your family's oh, this is the best thing you've ever made, and would you please add this to the weekly rotation?
• 31:31
  Susan Bratton: And that's literally how good sex and orgasms are.
• 31:36
  Susan Bratton: You, you read my recipe, step by step how to have the effect on the human operating system that gets the result that you want.
• 31:43
  Susan Bratton: It's like yoga Juujitsu Tai Chi.
• 31:47
  Susan Bratton: It's a form that let NLP they are forms that when you follow them, they give you the output and, women think there's something wrong with 'em.
• 31:57
  Susan Bratton: I can't have an orgasm from intercourse.
• 31:58
  Susan Bratton: Oh, I, I only have this one way.
• 32:00
  Susan Bratton: I can come more.
• 32:01
  Susan Bratton: Is it bad if I only, you know, my husband just, he just enters me right away and usually I can get to an orgasm.
• 32:08
  Susan Bratton: Isn't that good enough?
• 32:09
  Susan Bratton: No, my God.
• 32:10
  Susan Bratton: Have you ever had a yoni massage?
• 32:12
  Susan Bratton: Have you ever had a g-spot activation?
• 32:14
  Susan Bratton: Have you ever ha enjoyed releasing your feminine waters in female ejaculation?
• 32:18
  Susan Bratton: Have you ever had oral pleasuring where you are having an orgasm the entire time?
• 32:23
  Susan Bratton: Your partner is lovingly pleasuring you with his tongue and fingers.
• 32:28
  Susan Bratton: Have you ever had a breast gsm, a nipple gsm, a throat gsm, a foot gsm, a orgasm?
• 32:33
  Susan Bratton: Have you ever had an expanded orgasm?
• 32:35
  Susan Bratton: Have you ever become multi-orgasmic?
• 32:37
  Susan Bratton: Have you, there's just, we are like, oh, I didn't even realize there were that many kinds of orga, you know?
• 32:42
  Susan Bratton: And so I didn't know.
• 32:43
  Susan Bratton: I didn't know I could have them.
• 32:45
  Susan Bratton: I thought I could only have one.
• 32:46
  Susan Bratton: I didn't even think I could have any.
• 32:47
  Susan Bratton: I thought other people were just having them.
• 32:49
  Susan Bratton: I didn't know there were so many kinds, and I didn't know that I could use my brain to generate new neural pathways that would transform pain, shame, and numbness into pleasure.
• 33:00
  Susan Bratton: Holy cow, you just blew my mind.
• 33:02
  Susan Bratton: Well, that's interesting.
• 33:05
  Susan Bratton: So I'm 42.
• 33:06
  Susan Bratton: I'm gonna go on this journey.
• 33:09
  Susan Bratton: I'm not, I'm just, pretending I am.
• 33:10
  Susan Bratton: 'cause that's what I was 42 and I ha was ha not having orgasms from intercourse.
• 33:14
  Susan Bratton: I could only have an orgasm from my rabbit vibrator on my clitoris.
• 33:19
  Susan Bratton: This was 20 something years ago.
• 33:21
  Susan Bratton: 21 years ago.
• 33:22
  Susan Bratton: I.
• 33:22
  Susan Bratton: And I just decided to figure it out.
• 33:25
  Susan Bratton: And when I realized that I have the easiest job in the world, writing pleasure recipes and giving them to people, and they try them through, and I always say it's, it's gonna be three times you're, it's new.
• 33:36
  Susan Bratton: You've gotta lay down the neural pathway so your brain knows it's pleasure.
• 33:41
  Susan Bratton: And for many women, they've never gotten enough loving touch because they've been harmed, shamed, abused, shut down, never touched, right, et cetera.
• 33:53
  Mary Lee: Exactly,
• 33:53
  Susan Bratton: you can touch yourself through solo pleasuring and be touched by your partner in these ways, you'll expand your orgasmic capacity.
• 34:01
  Susan Bratton: And we started off talking about how.
• 34:06
  Susan Bratton: Extending your sex span expands and extends your health span.
• 34:12
  Susan Bratton: It increases your longevity.
• 34:15
  Susan Bratton: There are a number of reasons why that it does.
• 34:18
  Susan Bratton: some of them are things like, it reboots your nervous system.
• 34:22
  Susan Bratton: It generates oxytocin.
• 34:25
  Susan Bratton: we haven't had all these experiences and we now suddenly we're having them and we're getting these neural pathways and we're having more experiences, and that's making us feel more confident, and then we can move from the receive of our feminine.
• 34:41
  Susan Bratton: To the activation of the masculine in our sexuality where we begin to say, oh, I know what I want.
• 34:50
  Susan Bratton: Let's try this today.
• 34:51
  Susan Bratton: You know what would turn me on?
• 34:53
  Susan Bratton: I wanna try this.
• 34:55
  Susan Bratton: Once you get all that release from the sexual pleasure, and you start to have orgasms, it begins to oxygenate your brain.
• 35:04
  Susan Bratton: Every single location you touch on your vulva, that is pleasurable.
• 35:08
  Susan Bratton: Oxygenates a different part, brings blood flow through sensory processing to a different part of your brain.
• 35:16
  Susan Bratton: You get all this blood flow going to your brain, which of course is healthy.
• 35:20
  Susan Bratton: It detoxes your brain, it keeps your cognitive function high.
• 35:24
  Susan Bratton: Now you've rebooted your nervous system.
• 35:26
  Susan Bratton: You've got this oxytocin flowing from the skin to skin contact, and oxytocin is essentially.
• 35:32
  Susan Bratton: The antidote, if you will.
• 35:36
  Susan Bratton: This is non-scientific explanation, obviously, but the antidote to cortisol.
• 35:40
  Susan Bratton: Cortisol is what you dump.
• 35:42
  Susan Bratton: That's your adrenaline that you dump in stress, oxytocin It tones it down, and oxytocin not only makes you feel closer to yourself, but closer to people in general.
• 35:58
  Susan Bratton: It also inspires awe again, where if you felt flat, you felt depressed or anxious.
• 36:07
  Susan Bratton: Oxytocin generating a whole bunch more of it really, really helps attenuate depression and anxiety.
• 36:17
  Susan Bratton: It also triggers a cascade of feel-good hormones.
• 36:21
  Susan Bratton: Of course, you're dumping serotonin, you're having a dopamine hit.
• 36:25
  Susan Bratton: It also gives you.
• 36:28
  Susan Bratton: IG F1.
• 36:32
  Susan Bratton: More natural killer cell production, which is those killer cells are what?
• 36:36
  Susan Bratton: Chomp, chomp, chomp, like pacman on your senescent cells, your broken cells, your damaged cells, your precancerous cells.
• 36:45
  Susan Bratton: And so it actually produces more nk cells, which is one of the reasons it extends longevity.
• 36:51
  Susan Bratton: And if you're in relationship with a male body partner, his semen is a real longevity gift to us because it not only has testosterone in it, so it improves your libido.
• 37:05
  Susan Bratton: The more sex you have, the more sex you want, the more sexual pleasure you experience.
• 37:10
  Susan Bratton: It also gives you, serotonin for a mood lift.
• 37:14
  Susan Bratton: It also releases endorphins, I forgot to say that's not the semen, but your body releases endorphins, lowers pain.
• 37:21
  Susan Bratton: in semen is sperm dine, sperming and reine, which are.
• 37:27
  Susan Bratton: polyA means that now are available in supplement form that actually support nine of the 12 hallmarks of longevity.
• 37:41
  Susan Bratton: in ancient Daoist practices, when the Daoist masters used semen retention, the reason they were doing semen retention is that they were getting holding high amounts of sperming, sperm and Racine, which helped lengthen their telomeres and things like this.
• 38:01
  Susan Bratton: It's crazy.
• 38:02
  Susan Bratton: They're lytic in nature.
• 38:04
  Susan Bratton: They help you do go into autophagy and rid yourself of these broken cells, which then increases your mitochondrial function, which results in more energy, so you get more confidence, more energy, more cognitive function, better sleep, lower pain, better nervous system, higher oxytocin.
• 38:21
  Susan Bratton: You like people better.
• 38:22
  Susan Bratton: I mean, just liking people better would be enough for me.
• 38:24
  Susan Bratton: But then you begin to love art and music and cooking and the joy of your family and your friends at a higher level because your oxytocin is pumping through your system again.
• 38:35
  Mary Lee: And
• 38:36
  Susan Bratton: benefits are incredible.
• 38:38
  Mary Lee: and then another spinoff I can see from that is when you have this high hit of oxytocin and endorphins, self-love comes out of it as well.
• 38:49
  Mary Lee: Make
• 38:49
  Susan Bratton: does.
• 38:49
  Mary Lee: you feel good about, regardless of what you might look like or think that your body should look like
• 38:56
  Susan Bratton: Yeah.
• 38:56
  Mary Lee: Society tells us what we should look like,
• 38:59
  Susan Bratton: Yeah,
• 38:59
  Mary Lee: and certain size, but when you have that rush of pleasure, you can't help but feel
• 39:08
  Susan Bratton: exactly.
• 39:08
  Susan Bratton: Yeah.
• 39:10
  Mary Lee: And I can hear all the men out there just probably thinking, see, honey, I told you why you need more semen.
• 39:17
  Mary Lee: all the good stuff in it.
• 39:19
  Susan Bratton: And your vaginal mucosal lining is a sponge, so it absorbs it, which is really nice.
• 39:24
  Susan Bratton: it's a very good way to do it.
• 39:25
  Susan Bratton: Um, the oxytocin is a really interesting thing, I don't know if you know Dr.
• 39:30
  Susan Bratton: William Davis.
• 39:30
  Susan Bratton: He wrote weak belly, super gut, un doctored.
• 39:34
  Susan Bratton: Bill is fantastic.
• 39:35
  Susan Bratton: If you have him on your show, I, good friend of mine, if you email me and I'll introduce you.
• 39:39
  Susan Bratton: He is,
• 39:40
  Mary Lee: Make that
• 39:41
  Susan Bratton: he is my, the one of the loves of my life and he, um, he teaches people how to use lactobacillus rooti to which is a probiotic and culture it in yogurt you can do nut milk or cow milk or goat milk or whatever you, well, whatever you like.
• 40:04
  Susan Bratton: I use heavy cream 'cause I like the fat because I like the C 15 fatty acids.
• 40:09
  Susan Bratton: The EFAs that you get from milk and, the.
• 40:13
  Susan Bratton: When you culture your own yogurt at home, then you make your morning smoothie with it, with your collagens and your proteins and your berries and, very, very healthy and really good for helping build muscle as well.
• 40:26
  Susan Bratton: And the lactobacillus root eye cultured in this homemade yogurt means you're eating yogurt that's not made with thickeners.
• 40:36
  Susan Bratton: It doesn't come in a plastic bottle.
• 40:38
  Susan Bratton: You're not making more trash in the world.
• 40:40
  Susan Bratton: And the colonizing units are very high when you ferment it slowly at home.
• 40:46
  Susan Bratton: And you need lactobacillus Rui for oxytocin production.
• 40:52
  Susan Bratton: and most of us have killed off.
• 40:56
  Susan Bratton: Our oxytocin production because Lactobacillus Red Dry is a very, very delicate bacteria, so you have to reestablish the bacterial colonies.
• 41:05
  Susan Bratton: As a matter of fact, I had an earache all week in my ES esta eustachian tube, and I have to take antibiotics.
• 41:12
  Susan Bratton: So I'm literally, after I work out today, I am going to go to the store and make a fresh batch of yogurt and start eating that up again because it will restore my oxytocin levels.
• 41:27
  Susan Bratton: I will feel them be hit from having to take an antibiotic, which I do not like to do.
• 41:33
  Susan Bratton: So quite interesting that you can reestablish your colonies and then you will feel so much more love and calmness.
• 41:44
  Mary Lee: Yeah.
• 41:45
  Mary Lee: Yeah.
• 41:45
  Mary Lee: balance microbiome.
• 41:49
  Susan Bratton: Yeah.
• 41:49
  Mary Lee: good bacteria, the diversity in our gut microbiome.
• 41:53
  Mary Lee: And this, Susan, this has been the best science on
• 41:59
  Susan Bratton: Oh,
• 42:00
  Mary Lee: I could ever imagine.
• 42:01
  Susan Bratton: oh, thanks Mary.
• 42:03
  Mary Lee: We need to be teaching this.
• 42:05
  Susan Bratton: I know I am.
• 42:06
  Mary Lee: even at a younger age, rather than sex being, okay, consent and, yeah, reproduction.
• 42:14
  Mary Lee: We have to
• 42:16
  Susan Bratton: Pleasure.
• 42:17
  Mary Lee: the whole idea.
• 42:18
  Mary Lee: And on that note, was it very difficult, 'cause we spoke earlier, before we hit record,
• 42:24
  Susan Bratton: Mm.
• 42:25
  Mary Lee: it being still lumped into
• 42:29
  Susan Bratton: Mm-hmm.
• 42:29
  Mary Lee: Has it been difficult for you on your journey to share your message?
• 42:35
  Susan Bratton: Very, very difficult because, um, anything sexual is censored in my country.
• 42:41
  Susan Bratton: And I live in the us I'm in California, and, it's only getting worse.
• 42:47
  Susan Bratton: As a matter of fact, I have some programs that show pleasuring skills and I am very concerned about even publishing them many more.
• 42:59
  Susan Bratton: I don't wanna put myself at risk and the hammer is falling hard here right now, we are on the brink of going into dark ages again, and I'm extremely concerned about myself, my family, and my livelihood.
• 43:14
  Susan Bratton: I had my worst year last year after 18 years of doing this.
• 43:19
  Susan Bratton: It is just harder and harder.
• 43:20
  Susan Bratton: There's more and more censorship just talking about female pleasure, just talking about the things that I talk
• 43:28
  Mary Lee: Mm-hmm.
• 43:29
  Susan Bratton: yeah, I'm concerned that we're really accelerating backward.
• 43:33
  Susan Bratton: Like you said, your analogy was so good that you said to me.
• 43:37
  Mary Lee: Yes, I mentioned that pulling back the arrow and we're pulling it back, trying to go back in time.
• 43:43
  Mary Lee: But that tension is building so heavy the, you can only pull it back so far, but once that tension breaks, you're gonna, I feel I'm holding out hope that we will thrust ourselves so far forward beyond where we started and see these systems break down so that we can enter a new era
• 44:06
  Susan Bratton: Yeah.
• 44:06
  Mary Lee: get out of this mindset that we've been living into the patriarchal mindset for so long, which has been damaging for women
• 44:13
  Susan Bratton: Damaging for everyone.
• 44:14
  Susan Bratton: It's a bad mindset.
• 44:16
  Mary Lee: this is true,
• 44:17
  Susan Bratton: We need women to start taking everything over and fixing it.
• 44:19
  Susan Bratton: All it, that's what it's gonna take.
• 44:21
  Mary Lee: Yeah.
• 44:22
  Mary Lee: goodness.
• 44:23
  Susan Bratton: we are lucky to be white women.
• 44:25
  Susan Bratton: That we're not even feeling the really big brunt of it.
• 44:31
  Susan Bratton: So I know it's very scary.
• 44:33
  Susan Bratton: I wanted to close a loop on something I dropped.
• 44:35
  Susan Bratton: Um, and that is that, when I was talking about, rushing yourself, okay, I'm gonna just jump into intercourse and I'll get there.
• 44:43
  Susan Bratton: the problem with that is that it, it's a path.
• 44:47
  Susan Bratton: Okay.
• 44:48
  Susan Bratton: I'm just, you know, gonna, I'm gonna do what I've been doing.
• 44:50
  Susan Bratton: 'cause I, I can,
• 44:52
  Mary Lee: Mm.
• 44:52
  Susan Bratton: have an orgasm if my husband penetrates me and I can get there.
• 44:55
  Susan Bratton: The problem is that it's kind of like, and I need a good analogy for this Mary Lee, and you're really, I think you're really good at this.
• 45:02
  Susan Bratton: So I'm putting this in your brain.
• 45:04
  Susan Bratton: Um, what I wanna say about that kind of a thing is.
• 45:08
  Susan Bratton: Why do you wanna slow down and expand your pleasure pathways?
• 45:12
  Susan Bratton: What, why do you wanna do that?
• 45:14
  Susan Bratton: And that's because I believe in the richness of sex.
• 45:18
  Susan Bratton: The, the bounty of pleasure.
• 45:22
  Susan Bratton: And the more pleasure we can saturate into our bones, the better life we will have.
• 45:29
  Susan Bratton: The more calm, the more healthy, the longer we'll live, the better we'll look.
• 45:34
  Susan Bratton: Because when you're having hot sex, you just keep yourself a little more together.
• 45:41
  Susan Bratton: you make yourself feel a little happier.
• 45:43
  Susan Bratton: you really honor the vessel in a way that you don't, when you're not having incredible sex with it.
• 45:51
  Susan Bratton: And it makes you take better care of yourself and love yourself more.
• 45:55
  Susan Bratton: And when you have really hot sex, you also, I.
• 45:58
  Susan Bratton: women, we have body image issues and it's the trick of estrogen, estrogen's doing it to us.
• 46:05
  Susan Bratton: And that's why we women across the board have body image issues.
• 46:09
  Susan Bratton: It's not any individual one of us.
• 46:11
  Susan Bratton: and our society leverages this and takes advantage of us in this way to make us feel like there's something not beautiful about us, but they're only taking advantage of a system that already existed because estrogen is a mo is the molecule of safety.
• 46:27
  Susan Bratton: Because we are prey, because men prey on us.
• 46:31
  Susan Bratton: They are the predators in the homo sapien kingdom.
• 46:36
  Susan Bratton: Not all, but a lot
• 46:40
  Mary Lee: Mm-hmm.
• 46:40
  Susan Bratton: more than you, than we say.
• 46:42
  Susan Bratton: More than it, it is comfortable for us to discuss.
• 46:46
  Susan Bratton: We, almost every woman we talk to has had some.
• 46:52
  Susan Bratton: Sort of abuse, assault, shame, repression, what have you.
• 46:57
  Susan Bratton: You, you can't live in this society unscathed.
• 47:00
  Susan Bratton: But the problem is that estrogen is in some ways here to keep us safe.
• 47:06
  Susan Bratton: We are the horses and the men are the mountain lions, and we are flight or fright.
• 47:14
  Susan Bratton: We are, we or feed.
• 47:17
  Susan Bratton: Some of us get overweight to assuage
• 47:22
  Mary Lee: free.
• 47:22
  Susan Bratton: and we run away and we're scared.
• 47:25
  Susan Bratton: We're skitting.
• 47:26
  Susan Bratton: It's hard for us to get out of our head.
• 47:28
  Susan Bratton: We, we look at a million things simultaneously.
• 47:31
  Susan Bratton: We're amazing multitaskers.
• 47:33
  Susan Bratton: We've got an incredible reticular activation systems constantly scanning for danger because we're in danger.
• 47:41
  Susan Bratton: And so when we try to slow down and get out of our heads and into our bodies, it is so hard for us compared to our male body partners who walk in the world safely.
• 47:56
  Susan Bratton: They're not worried about things.
• 47:57
  Susan Bratton: Testosterone makes them overly confident.
• 48:00
  Susan Bratton: It gives them instant erectile function.
• 48:02
  Susan Bratton: They've got competitive advantages in this way.
• 48:06
  Susan Bratton: Now we've got many competitive advantages too, but we think there's something wrong with us.
• 48:11
  Susan Bratton: 'cause we don't have the response times of men.
• 48:13
  Susan Bratton: We're not ready to go.
• 48:14
  Susan Bratton: we need to feel safe to relax, to let the lubrication flow, to let the blood flow down into our pelvic bowl, to expand that tissue, to plump it up so that when it's touched, it feels good and sends the signals to our brain.
• 48:31
  Susan Bratton: estrogen makes us so judgy it.
• 48:36
  Susan Bratton: It's because judgment keeps us safe.
• 48:38
  Susan Bratton: Is that danger?
• 48:39
  Susan Bratton: Is that a problem?
• 48:40
  Susan Bratton: And that judgment, we reflect back on ourselves as body image issues.
• 48:47
  Mary Lee: That's so true.
• 48:48
  Susan Bratton: So the minute that you start pulling yourself down, Ooh, you fat bitch, things like that.
• 48:54
  Susan Bratton: Oh, no, no, no.
• 48:55
  Susan Bratton: You gotta switch the cha.
• 48:57
  Susan Bratton: You gotta go.
• 48:57
  Susan Bratton: Oh, no, estrogen.
• 48:58
  Susan Bratton: Not today.
• 48:59
  Susan Bratton: Not today.
• 49:00
  Susan Bratton: Switch the channel to KLUV.
• 49:04
  Susan Bratton: Tune into your love for yourself.
• 49:07
  Susan Bratton: Tune into your body.
• 49:08
  Susan Bratton: Love your body.
• 49:10
  Susan Bratton: It's never gonna get better.
• 49:12
  Susan Bratton: It's you're gonna age.
• 49:13
  Susan Bratton: Take your pleasure, get the oxytocin.
• 49:17
  Susan Bratton: Get the cognitive function, the orgasms.
• 49:22
  Susan Bratton: Let your partner look at your vulva.
• 49:25
  Susan Bratton: Look at your own vulva.
• 49:26
  Susan Bratton: Learn more paths to pleasure, expand it.
• 49:30
  Susan Bratton: Have more intensely passionate sex.
• 49:35
  Mary Lee: Yes.
• 49:36
  Susan Bratton: get better unless you do something about it.
• 49:38
  Susan Bratton: Take the risk to have the pleasure.
• 49:43
  Mary Lee: Okay.
• 49:44
  Mary Lee: I got an analogy.
• 49:44
  Mary Lee: I,
• 49:45
  Susan Bratton: Ah, good.
• 49:46
  Susan Bratton: I knew you would.
• 49:49
  Mary Lee: Well, it's very much akin to, and you said it earlier, yoga practices
• 49:55
  Susan Bratton: Yep.
• 49:55
  Mary Lee: whether it's Tai Chi or Qigong, there's an element of going inward, very introspective, using the body as the vessel to go through these postures so that we can connect with the breath
• 50:11
  Susan Bratton: Mm-hmm.
• 50:12
  Mary Lee: the nervous system.
• 50:14
  Susan Bratton: Yeah.
• 50:15
  Mary Lee: And by doing so, we have a, a deeper understanding of who we are as, a human vessel
• 50:25
  Susan Bratton: Yeah,
• 50:25
  Mary Lee: a.
• 50:25
  Mary Lee: Or I've heard it before, we are spirits having a human experience, not a
• 50:31
  Susan Bratton: yeah.
• 50:31
  Mary Lee: a spiritual experience.
• 50:33
  Mary Lee: those modalities by which we can tap into that spirituality, and spirituality can be as simple as whatever it takes for you to feel good about yourself, that spirituality.
• 50:46
  Mary Lee: And we will do yoga to explore who we are
• 50:52
  Susan Bratton: Mm-hmm.
• 50:53
  Mary Lee: or going to the gym and lifting weights,
• 50:56
  Susan Bratton: Yeah.
• 50:56
  Mary Lee: great we feel after a
• 50:59
  Susan Bratton: Mm-hmm.
• 50:59
  Susan Bratton: All those endorphins
• 51:00
  Mary Lee: powerful work at all those endorphins
• 51:02
  Susan Bratton: testosterone.
• 51:04
  Mary Lee: and, and I don't know about the listeners, but I can say in my experience, and I bet you the other listeners will say the same thing.
• 51:10
  Mary Lee: And if you haven't noticed it, start taking note.
• 51:12
  Mary Lee: After you've been doing weight training and exercise for a long time, your sex drive just peaks.
• 51:19
  Mary Lee: It does.
• 51:21
  Mary Lee: All of a sudden you feel attracted about yourself and you're
• 51:23
  Susan Bratton: Mm-hmm.
• 51:24
  Mary Lee: partner.
• 51:25
  Mary Lee: So I say that my best analogy here is that menopause is the time of the great reveal.
• 51:32
  Mary Lee: So whatever we have not been dealing with before, it's gonna show its face because estrogen is leaving the body.
• 51:39
  Susan Bratton: Mm-hmm.
• 51:40
  Mary Lee: But I say it's an opportunity to explore who we truly are.
• 51:44
  Mary Lee: And I feel that all those protocols were what we can do for a lifestyle change is exercise, eat right, sleep improvement, stress reduction.
• 51:55
  Susan Bratton: And love yourself.
• 51:56
  Mary Lee: should be the pleasure
• 51:58
  Susan Bratton: Yeah.
• 51:59
  Mary Lee: and exploring who we truly are and who we are truly meant to be as women.
• 52:05
  Mary Lee: that includes n denying.
• 52:09
  Mary Lee: We won't deny we speak our truth.
• 52:11
  Mary Lee: We shouldn't be denying all the other chakras as well.
• 52:16
  Susan Bratton: Yes.
• 52:16
  Mary Lee: in my power center, I'm in my creative center.
• 52:19
  Mary Lee: My sacred chakra creative center deserves to be turned on to be creative.
• 52:23
  Mary Lee: And that involves pleasure.
• 52:25
  Susan Bratton: Yeah.
• 52:26
  Mary Lee: So I really feel that this is our time to step into that power, as we said earlier
• 52:31
  Susan Bratton: Mm-hmm.
• 52:32
  Susan Bratton: Me too.
• 52:34
  Mary Lee: yeah.
• 52:34
  Mary Lee: And intimacy and, and sexual pleasure is just that gateway to tap into who we truly are meant to be, without the shame and the blame.
• 52:42
  Mary Lee: Yeah.
• 52:44
  Mary Lee: Susan,
• 52:44
  Susan Bratton: I have, um, a practice that I've been teaching for a couple of decades and doing myself that was handed down to me.
• 52:50
  Susan Bratton: It's a lineage and it's a clitoral stroking technique.
• 52:53
  Susan Bratton: And, I'd, I'm, I moved to give it to your listeners if they'd like to have it.
• 52:59
  Susan Bratton: It was taught to me by, it's a paid program, but, I'll, I'm gonna give it to anybody who listens to this episode and is called to this.
• 53:08
  Susan Bratton: And I'm gonna send it to you as well.
• 53:10
  Susan Bratton: it's called Expand Her Orgasm Tonight.
• 53:13
  Susan Bratton: And a technique, it's a form like yoga and tai chi that uses a very, very light, delicate clitoral stroke.
• 53:20
  Susan Bratton: You do need a partner to do it.
• 53:22
  Susan Bratton: It's hard to do yourself.
• 53:23
  Susan Bratton: And, it's a practice that allows you to get into the moment of climax and stay in it to expand the moment of climax, expand like time, like you're pulling time like taffy, and it gets you and your partner in a limbic connection and a conjoined trance, state of bliss.
• 53:48
  Susan Bratton: And it's very empowering for the giver, the doer, as well as the receiver.
• 53:56
  Susan Bratton: And what's really interesting about it is that it allows you to touch source, to feel God Gaia, uh, whatever you wanna call it.
• 54:08
  Susan Bratton: it's equally a spiritual practice as much as it's a pleasure practice.
• 54:13
  Susan Bratton: And one of the paths, one of the most beautiful paths to palpably.
• 54:20
  Susan Bratton: Feeling our conscious connection to all that is alive and has been, is through this expanded orgasm practice, and I can remember.
• 54:35
  Susan Bratton: Talking to, it's written by and created by Dr.
• 54:38
  Susan Bratton: Patty Taylor.
• 54:38
  Susan Bratton: She is, I have been very, I believe in lineages and I have been very, very fortunate to sit at the feet of some incredible people and published their work.
• 54:50
  Susan Bratton: So I've published 44 books and programs.
• 54:54
  Susan Bratton: I've only written 34 of them.
• 54:57
  Susan Bratton: I have 10 programs that are the lineage of my teachers and expand her.
• 55:04
  Susan Bratton: Orgasm.
• 55:04
  Susan Bratton: Tonight is the most beautiful practice.
• 55:07
  Susan Bratton: I still do it a couple of times a week with my husband, and it is often for us, the beginning of our love making because it allows me to calm, get out of the flight and fright, get into my heart connection, connect deeply with my partner, and move into my pleasure and awaken myoni for more.
• 55:30
  Susan Bratton: And I have really learned that a non-negotiable for me is to be easy on myself around my arousal response because like every woman listening to this, it's, there's no way to, to make a.
• 55:45
  Susan Bratton: Your turn on go faster than about 20 minutes.
• 55:49
  Susan Bratton: That's what it takes for the blood to seep in for you to calm down, relax, and begin the heavy lifting of the first couple of steps of the female arousal ladder.
• 56:00
  Susan Bratton: And when your husband begins to understand that putting the time and upfront is what's gonna create that wild, passionate tigress in the bedroom who finally has broken open.
• 56:12
  Susan Bratton: She's activated her G-spot, she's releasing her feminine water, she's having expanded orgasm dates, she's loving oral pleasuring, she's having multiple orgasms from intercourse.
• 56:23
  Susan Bratton: She's scheduling dates with you because she loves it now and she's going through this massive sexual renaissance For me, the beginning of all of that was the expanded orgasm practice, and it comes with 21 erotic play dates that you can do with your partner.
• 56:39
  Susan Bratton: When you think about the practice of expanded orgasm, it you, it has a lot of facets.
• 56:45
  Susan Bratton: It's a gem, a many faceted gem, and each one of the 21 practices is a facet of your experience to create this incredible experience together.
• 56:57
  Susan Bratton: And it's, it's almost like you, you're doing like a little mini couples workshop.
• 57:02
  Susan Bratton: Each time you try, one of the practices, one of the erotic play dates, the sandbox dates, they're called in the program.
• 57:07
  Susan Bratton: And it's one of those things where if you've been listening to this show and you're thinking to yourself, oh gosh, I, I don't even know where to start.
• 57:16
  Susan Bratton: I, I would start Yoni massage and I would start with the expanded orgasm practice and they work together.
• 57:21
  Susan Bratton: You can do the yoni massage and then he can start doing the stroking technique.
• 57:26
  Susan Bratton: it's three opening strokes, a bread and butter stroke, and a closing stroke.
• 57:29
  Susan Bratton: Very easy to learn, but it takes five to seven times before you feel like you're beginning to feel each other enough to, for him to be not only find that spot in the moment, that is what's gonna really feel good to you.
• 57:45
  Susan Bratton: 'cause it moves around.
• 57:46
  Susan Bratton: But it also lets him take you on the ride.
• 57:51
  Susan Bratton: Once he locks in and he's got you, you just surrender and ride his ride.
• 57:56
  Susan Bratton: He's taking you on the ride.
• 57:58
  Susan Bratton: it's just really an incredible practice for feeling more comfortable with each other, slowing down, dropping in heart, connecting, all of those things.
• 58:09
  Susan Bratton: And so it's just been such a lovely time to talk to you today.
• 58:13
  Susan Bratton: And I don't normally do this because it's extra work.
• 58:15
  Susan Bratton: I'm gonna get a bunch of emails that I have to give to my team to get you access and all that stuff.
• 58:21
  Susan Bratton: And.
• 58:21
  Susan Bratton: But I wanna do it.
• 58:22
  Susan Bratton: send me an email, susan@betterlover.com.
• 58:27
  Susan Bratton: And my team, will give you access to that program to expand her orgasm tonight.
• 58:33
  Susan Bratton: And if you want to check it out, it's at expand her orgasm tonight.com.
• 58:38
  Susan Bratton: start with the three free pleasure reports that are on the page, you can just opt right in and start reading What is Expanded Orgasm Touch for Rapture and the Power of Peaking.
• 58:49
  Susan Bratton: And that'll get you started.
• 58:50
  Susan Bratton: And if you like what you're reading and it sounds like something you want, then I'll just give it to you.
• 58:56
  Mary Lee: That's right.
• 58:57
  Mary Lee: Yeah.
• 58:57
  Mary Lee: Those who want it will
• 58:59
  Susan Bratton: Mm-hmm.
• 58:59
  Susan Bratton: Yeah,
• 59:00
  Mary Lee: important to them.
• 59:01
  Mary Lee: And this is a very important topic and I am so delighted I was, we were able to connect and I could share your wisdom the science, the spirituality, that's exactly what I'm all about.
• 59:13
  Susan Bratton: I know we're really a good fit.
• 59:15
  Susan Bratton: We're we, we vibe Mary Lee.
• 59:17
  Mary Lee: you have to come on up to Canada and Take your business, expand out here
• 59:23
  Susan Bratton: Oh, you're so sweet.
• 59:24
  Susan Bratton: Oh, I love that.
• 59:26
  Susan Bratton: Thank you so much.
• 59:27
  Mary Lee: Thank you, Susan.
• 59:28
  Mary Lee: I'll get those links in the show notes.
• 59:30
  Mary Lee: It's been
• 59:30
  Susan Bratton: Yeah.
• 59:31
  Mary Lee: absolute pleasure
• 59:33
  Susan Bratton: Thank you.
• 59:33
  Susan Bratton: it has.
• 59:34
  Susan Bratton: Thank you.
• 59:35
  Mary Lee: Wow, I don't even know where to begin.
• 59:37
  Mary Lee: Best sex talk ever on so many levels.
• 59:41
  Mary Lee: From the physical aspects of our bodies and the structure of our own vulva and its connection to the brain, to the spiritual awakening that we can achieve by tapping into our pleasure centers.
• 59:52
  Mary Lee: Like just wow.
• 59:54
  Mary Lee: This conversation with sex educator, author, and intimacy expert.
• 59:59
  Mary Lee: Susan Bratton has probably left you with some profound insights into the complexities of female sexuality And all I have to say was that Susan cleverly magically descriptively, honestly in boldly illuminated the crucial role of the female orgasm.
• 1:00:18
  Mary Lee: Not just as a source of pleasure, but also as a catalyst for increased serotonin levels and its benefits for several health markers, but also was able to educate us wisely that sexual enjoyment is not just an indulgence, it's an essential aspect of mental and physical wellness.
• 1:00:37
  Mary Lee: We explored the intricacies of libido, uncovering the fact that sexual desire is often much more than just hormonal imbalances, such as low testosterone.
• 1:00:47
  Mary Lee: It can reflect deeper issues, particularly in women experiencing menopause, and this is often intertwined with hidden beliefs about sex.
• 1:00:55
  Mary Lee: Past traumas and feelings of shame or body image concerns, it is vital to recognize that these factors can significantly impact mental health and overall quality of life.
• 1:01:06
  Mary Lee: If you're grappling with sexual dysfunction or low libido, seeking insight from a therapist can be transformative.
• 1:01:13
  Mary Lee: Unpacking these underlying issues can pave way for healing and improved self-worth, ultimately enhancing your mental and physical health.
• 1:01:20
  Mary Lee: As well as emotional and spiritual.
• 1:01:23
  Mary Lee: Remember, prioritizing intimacy and understanding your own bodies can lead to a more fulfilling life.
• 1:01:30
  Mary Lee: I encourage you to reflect on Susan's insights and consider how they might be resonating in your own menopause journey.
• 1:01:36
  Mary Lee: I have left a number of links in the show notes.
• 1:01:39
  Mary Lee: For access to Susan's work, her books, her free offerings, so be sure to take advantage of her generosity, to use these resources that she has personally crafted.
• 1:01:49
  Mary Lee: She can help us seek, feel, and achieve pleasure in the manner we deserve as women.
• 1:01:55
  Mary Lee: You can find susan@susanbratton.com.
• 1:01:59
  Mary Lee: She's on Facebook as the trusted hot sex advisor to millions.
• 1:02:03
  Mary Lee: Her Instagram handle is Susan Bratton You can find her YouTube channel, better Lover the resources she's offered.
• 1:02:11
  Mary Lee: To listeners include 38 Fascinating Facts that Supercharge Your Sex Drive.
• 1:02:15
  Mary Lee: You can find that at hot to trot book.com and a free workbook revealing how expanded orgasm can improve your love life.
• 1:02:24
  Mary Lee: You can find that at expand to orgasm tonight.com.
• 1:02:28
  Mary Lee: all those links will be in the show notes.
• 1:02:31
  Mary Lee: If today's insights resonated with you, I'd love for you to be part of our growing community of menopause disruptors.
• 1:02:37
  Mary Lee: Hit that subscribe button wherever you're listening right now.
• 1:02:40
  Mary Lee: And if you know someone who can benefit from these conversations, please share this episode.
• 1:02:45
  Mary Lee: Sometimes a simple act of sharing can be the first step in someone's healing journey.
• 1:02:48
  Mary Lee: And hey, if you're ready to take the next step in your menopause journey, I'm here to support you.
• 1:02:53
  Mary Lee: You can find all my services.
• 1:02:54
  Mary Lee: Including my comprehensive Menopause Intelligence digital course, one-on-one coaching programs and workplace education services@mlcoaching.com.
• 1:03:03
  Mary Lee: I wanna stay connected and get regular doses of menopause wisdom.
• 1:03:06
  Mary Lee: Follow me in Instagram at Menopause Disruptor Podcast, where I share tips, insights, and real conversations about navigating this transformative phase of life.
• 1:03:14
  Mary Lee: Let's continue to disrupt this menopause conversation together.
• 1:03:18
  Mary Lee: Remember, midlife should be the best life and it will be namaste.