Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Is My Ex Done With Me?

Transcript

Is My Ex Done With Me? · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:07
  Is your ex done with you? Well, here's the thing.
• 0:11
  Done is a relative term done with you right now?
• 0:16
  Yes, absolutely. But you knew that so you can't
• 0:19
  be shocked. Done with you forever.
• 0:23
  That's a different question. If no one ever got back together
• 0:28
  because every dumper was always done forever, then I wouldn't
• 0:32
  have been able to help hundreds of people get their X back over
• 0:35
  the years, right? So short term, yes, they're
• 0:38
  done. Long term, who knows, maybe,
• 0:42
  maybe not. Hi, this is Lucia with the Art
• 0:45
  of Love. I'm a dating and relationship
• 0:47
  expert specializing in helping you get your X back or to get
• 0:50
  over your X. And welcome back my beautiful no
• 0:53
  Contact Army. Have you been a good little
• 0:56
  soldier? Remember our slogan?
• 0:59
  We don't react, we do no contact and we use the Silencio app app
• 1:06
  to help you stay in no contact. And the link to that is
• 1:09
  underneath every single video and podcast.
• 1:12
  And to read our No Contact Army manual, go to
• 1:16
  nocontactsecrets.com or you can read 2 free chapters before you
• 1:21
  purchase the book. So why is it possible that your
• 1:25
  ex isn't completely done with you?
• 1:28
  Well, it's because people change their minds.
• 1:31
  They do it all the time. And as I talked about in my
• 1:34
  video, How to Easily Get Your Ex Back, whenever someone breaks up
• 1:39
  with you, they're not 100% certain about the breakup.
• 1:44
  They're not 100% on board about breaking up with you either.
• 1:48
  There's usually a tug of war between their head and their
• 1:52
  heart. However, they're at least 51%
• 1:57
  certain because otherwise they wouldn't have broken up with
• 1:59
  you, right? But that gives you 49% to work
• 2:04
  with depending on your on their interest level.
• 2:08
  And I'll put the link to that video in the upper right hand
• 2:11
  corner on YouTube. So they may think they're done,
• 2:16
  but that's because they're only at stage 1 of the breakup.
• 2:22
  And in my video about the seven stages A dumper goes through, I
• 2:25
  take you through their thought process.
• 2:28
  This time goes by after the breakup.
• 2:30
  And of course, the first stage, as many of you know, is relief.
• 2:34
  So they're not getting back with you two weeks after the breakup
• 2:39
  or even a month after the breakup because they're still in
• 2:43
  the relief stage. And by the way, I'll put the
• 2:46
  link to that video also in the upper right hand corner on
• 2:48
  YouTube. But if you give them enough time
• 2:50
  and space, most people are going to hear from their ex between
• 2:54
  days 45 and 60, which I talk about in yet another video.
• 3:00
  I have a lot of videos, which is the 60 day no contact rule.
• 3:06
  And people are always shocked when they do actually hear from
• 3:09
  their ex between days 45 and 60 because they figure, Nope, too
• 3:13
  much time has passed. Well, no, actually, that's the
• 3:17
  sweet spot. Everyone wants to hear from
• 3:19
  their ex in two weeks and that's just not going to happen unless
• 3:24
  it was a fake breakup, but of course it rarely is.
• 3:27
  And of course, I'll put the link to that video in the upper right
• 3:30
  hand corner also. So 99% of the time you cannot
• 3:36
  get them back immediately, but you can certainly push them
• 3:40
  further away by trying to get them back immediately.
• 3:44
  It's way better to go slow and increase the likelihood of them
• 3:51
  getting back with you then trying to speed things up and in
• 3:55
  doing so pushing them away even further.
• 3:59
  Trying to rush to get to get them back because you can't
• 4:03
  handle the anxiety of the breakup is just going to slow
• 4:06
  things down. If you're going through a
• 4:10
  breakup, you have to make peace with the fact that it's not
• 4:14
  going to happen right away and that you will have to go through
• 4:19
  a period of no contact where you will think that you will never
• 4:25
  hear from them again. Everyone who's been dumped, they
• 4:29
  think, oh, they're never getting back with me.
• 4:31
  I'll never hear from them again. And then one day, usually when
• 4:36
  you least expect it, boom, there they are.
• 4:41
  However, if you make the classic mistakes of always being
• 4:45
  available and being ready and willing to talk to them,
• 4:50
  constantly reassuring them that you want them back and you love
• 4:54
  them, then you're just getting in your own way.
• 4:57
  You're your own worst enemy. They already know you love them
• 5:03
  because you're not the one who wanted the breakup.
• 5:06
  The problem is that they no longer love you or even if they
• 5:11
  do, their interest level has gone below 50 and they feel that
• 5:15
  life will be better without you. So unless you cheated or took
• 5:20
  them for granted, constantly declaring your love, buying
• 5:24
  gifts and flowers, I'm talking to the guys you know who you are
• 5:30
  and blowing up their phone is going to backfire.
• 5:33
  Breakup dynamics and relationship dynamics are
• 5:38
  usually opposites. So the things that you would do
• 5:42
  and say during a relationship are not what you should be doing
• 5:47
  and saying during a breakup. So shut up now.
• 5:54
  When they break up with you, they're very confident that they
• 5:58
  can get you back at any time. So by staying quiet, by doing no
• 6:04
  contact, you throw a monkey wrench into their plans, and now
• 6:09
  they're not so sure. They didn't expect you to be
• 6:12
  silent, and yet you are, so they start to doubt whether they
• 6:16
  could even get you back. Let silence do The Dirty work
• 6:20
  for you, because if they can be wrong about you reaching out to
• 6:25
  them, they're going to wonder what else could they possibly be
• 6:29
  wrong about. Maybe they're wrong about the
• 6:31
  breakup and that's where the shift happens.
• 6:36
  So just because they say they're done or they say that they're
• 6:40
  done done, that doesn't mean it's forever.
• 6:44
  Yes, right now they're done. But once you leave them alone
• 6:49
  and they see that they don't feel the way they thought they
• 6:52
  were going to feel after the breakup, they don't feel better.
• 6:57
  They miss you. They're not meeting anyone
• 7:00
  they're interested in. They're experiencing the
• 7:02
  negative consequences of the breakup.
• 7:05
  That's when they're going to realize that maybe they're
• 7:09
  actually not done. OK, so now I want to hear from
• 7:13
  you. How long have you been in no
• 7:15
  contact and how is it going? And if you would like my help to
• 7:19
  get your ex back, you can reach me at theartoflove.net/coaching
• 7:24
  and we will send you the rates. They are not on the website and
• 7:28
  the direct link to that is underneath every single video
• 7:30
  and podcast. If you found this video helpful,
• 7:33
  be sure to hit the subscribe button so you don't miss out on
• 7:36
  future videos. If you're listening to this as a
• 7:39
  podcast and you want to help the show, then just download this
• 7:42
  episode. And finally, remember, love
• 7:44
  inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.