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Reclaiming Control After Financial Abuse · She's On The Money

0:00
Speaker 1: Hello.
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Speaker 2: My name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud Order Order
0:05
Speaker 2: Kerney Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before we get
0:09
Speaker 2: started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like
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Speaker 2: to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which
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Speaker 2: this podcast is recorded on a wondery country, acknowledging the elders,
0:19
Speaker 2: the ancestors and the next generation coming through as this
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Speaker 2: podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling
0:28
Speaker 2: of you to make a difference for today and lasting
0:31
Speaker 2: impact for tomorrow.
0:33
Speaker 1: Let's get into it.
0:34
Speaker 3: She's on the Money, She's on the Money.
0:57
Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast
1:00
Speaker 1: for millennials who want financial freedom. Welcome back to another
1:04
Speaker 1: one of our money daries, where I get the absolute
1:07
Speaker 1: pleasure of talking to one of our She's on the
1:09
Speaker 1: Money community members all about their journey. Let's jump straight
1:13
Speaker 1: into it, because this week we got a message and
1:15
Speaker 1: it sounded exactly like this, Hello, She's on the Money.
1:19
Speaker 1: I wanted to share my story on escaping financial abuse.
1:23
Speaker 1: My parents controlled my finances from a young age, which
1:26
Speaker 1: caused me so much shame and led me to hide
1:29
Speaker 1: it from my partner, friends and work colleagues. I felt
1:33
Speaker 1: so much guilt and had no control. It resulted in
1:37
Speaker 1: me going into mountains of debt, my own finances and
1:40
Speaker 1: Bill's falling short, and my own children suffering the consequences.
1:45
Speaker 1: It's been about a year since I've regained control, and
1:48
Speaker 1: although my credit score has taken a hit, I'm down
1:51
Speaker 1: to one debt. I've just had a baby in January,
1:55
Speaker 1: and I've been able to save for my first family holiday.
1:58
Speaker 1: I'm now saving for my first first home. My mental
2:01
Speaker 1: and emotional health is the thriving, and my family is
2:04
Speaker 1: never missing out. As you guys can tell from this
2:08
Speaker 1: money story, I do want to drop before we get
2:10
Speaker 1: into it, a little bit of a content warning. So
2:13
Speaker 1: in this episode, we are discussing financial abuse that intertwines
2:18
Speaker 1: a lot with other types of abuse. Now we don't
2:21
Speaker 1: go into too much detail on that, but we do
2:23
Speaker 1: definitely discuss in I would say a fair bit of
2:27
Speaker 1: detail financial abuse. So to make sure that everyone is
2:30
Speaker 1: well supported, I've put a whole heap of links in
2:33
Speaker 1: the show notes. And if this is an episode that
2:36
Speaker 1: you just feel is not for you today, that is
2:39
Speaker 1: so fine. We will see you on the next episode
2:42
Speaker 1: of Money Diaries. And there is a plethora of She's
2:45
Speaker 1: on the money content out there that you can dive
2:47
Speaker 1: into right now. So let's welcome our money diarist to
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Speaker 1: the show. Money Diarist, Thank you for wanting to share
2:55
Speaker 1: your story with us.
2:56
Speaker 3: My goodness, thank you so much. I'm so excited to
3:00
Speaker 3: share this part of my journey with you.
3:02
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, it's a deep one. Can we dive
3:05
Speaker 1: a bit more into it? My first question before we
3:08
Speaker 1: get further in, though, is always money dost. Would you
3:11
Speaker 1: rate your money habits if I asked you to give
3:13
Speaker 1: them a grade from A through to F.
3:15
Speaker 3: At the moment, it would definitely be a C plus.
3:18
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm at such a pivotal point in
3:22
Speaker 3: my money journey. This is someone who I guess was
3:25
Speaker 3: constantly running behind every week. I owed a week a
3:29
Speaker 3: week in advance all the time. So I lived my
3:31
Speaker 3: life in reverse for quite a few years. And I'm
3:34
Speaker 3: finally getting that concept of money, credit score, savings, emergency fund,
3:42
Speaker 3: all of those sorts of things. Oh my god, I
3:44
Speaker 3: want to say a C plus.
3:45
Speaker 1: All right, all right, let's take the C plus. I
3:47
Speaker 1: want to dive into it. I know for some people
3:49
Speaker 1: this could be a little bit heavy, but I want
3:51
Speaker 1: to know. Can you tell me a little bit more
3:53
Speaker 1: about your money story?
3:55
Speaker 3: Okay, so my money story. It's a little bit sad,
4:00
Speaker 3: to be honest. My very first memories of money and
4:04
Speaker 3: like my first jobs, being thirteen or fourteen, was a
4:08
Speaker 3: lot of my paycheck going directly to my family, especially
4:13
Speaker 3: times around like Christmas, Easter. I come from a huge family.
4:19
Speaker 3: There was seven of us, so every birthday, every Mother's Day,
4:24
Speaker 3: Father's Day, I was sort of given the torch to
4:28
Speaker 3: pay for those things.
4:29
Speaker 1: It's very sad that all your first memories are that
4:32
Speaker 1: your money just went straight to other people instead of you.
4:37
Speaker 1: But like, how did that start? How did that work?
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Speaker 1: Like was in an expectation from the second you got
4:43
Speaker 1: a job that you were going to work and the
4:46
Speaker 1: money was coming to them? Like was this something that
4:49
Speaker 1: was I guess intertwined into the conversations you had when
4:52
Speaker 1: you were little, Like I've just I've got so many questions.
4:55
Speaker 1: I hope I'm not overstepping.
4:57
Speaker 3: No, absolutely, you're not overstepping at all. The hindsight and
5:01
Speaker 3: now that I feel like my frontal lobe has developed.
5:04
Speaker 3: As children, we really want to impress, and I guess
5:08
Speaker 3: get that attention from our family members, and it was
5:12
Speaker 3: almost like when I first started doing it, I was
5:15
Speaker 3: so proud that I was helping my family, like it
5:18
Speaker 3: was this badge on my chest. I thought it was amazing,
5:22
Speaker 3: and I think I thought internally that this is going
5:25
Speaker 3: to fix all our problems. Unfortunately, when it comes to
5:28
Speaker 3: financial abuse, it is a form of family and domestic violence,
5:33
Speaker 3: and more often than not, it can intertwine with other
5:37
Speaker 3: types of abuse as well. So we were always sort
5:41
Speaker 3: of made to feel that everything was our fault and
5:45
Speaker 3: it was our fault that we were struggling. It was
5:47
Speaker 3: our fault we didn't get that shiny thing. Anything that
5:51
Speaker 3: was going wrong was always put onto the children. So
5:55
Speaker 3: I guess to combat that, I thought I was helping
5:57
Speaker 3: them by giving them bits of money. And it would
6:02
Speaker 3: have been my first and my earliest memory of like, oh,
6:07
Speaker 3: this isn't quite right would be taking my siblings out
6:11
Speaker 3: to the shopping center we bought gifts for my mom
6:14
Speaker 3: and dad around Christmas time. All the kids bought a gift.
6:17
Speaker 3: There would have been four other children, including myself, and
6:22
Speaker 3: bringing that home and having them like just kick off,
6:27
Speaker 3: call me ungrateful and demand things for themselves, for all
6:32
Speaker 3: of the children, for my grandparents, for my uncle's nieces,
6:36
Speaker 3: things like that. And then I started to realize, oh,
6:39
Speaker 3: it's an expectation that I buy and spend my entire
6:42
Speaker 3: paycheck on everyone.
6:43
Speaker 1: That's wild to me. And this wasn't just you. So
6:46
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to learn a little bit about your
6:49
Speaker 1: family dynamics. So there was five kids, and for all
6:54
Speaker 1: of you, when you got your first jobs, was that
6:56
Speaker 1: contributing to the family or was that you know, oh,
7:00
Speaker 1: you just copped it, or like.
7:01
Speaker 3: Oh, I definitely felt like I copped the brunt of it.
7:05
Speaker 3: I was the eldest, and I guess the responsibility pushed
7:08
Speaker 3: on me was if we die tomorrow, it's going to
7:12
Speaker 3: be your fault that the kids don't get Christmas. So
7:14
Speaker 3: there's a good I'm a good decade older than my siblings,
7:18
Speaker 3: so they would have only been small children when we're
7:20
Speaker 3: walking around the shopping center and buying things, and yeah,
7:23
Speaker 3: I would spend it was almost like every time I
7:27
Speaker 3: saved up for my first car, all of that money
7:30
Speaker 3: would go towards my family and that would go on
7:32
Speaker 3: for years.
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Speaker 1: Wow, And learning a little bit more about your parents.
7:37
Speaker 1: What type of jobs did they have, Like what types
7:39
Speaker 1: of income were they bringing into the house.
7:42
Speaker 3: I constantly remember my parents being unemployed and being very
7:47
Speaker 3: like used to that, so they didn't have a job,
7:51
Speaker 3: And maybe that's why I worked so hard. I always
7:54
Speaker 3: worked two or three jobs in school. I was always
7:58
Speaker 3: working because I saw how much we suffered living off benefits.
8:04
Speaker 1: And is that something that was kind of I guess generational.
8:07
Speaker 1: Often you see when you know a family does have
8:11
Speaker 1: an unemployed mum and dad, that often is a generational
8:14
Speaker 1: trait because I feel like work ethic is often inherited,
8:18
Speaker 1: like you learn from example, right, Like, and I'm going
8:21
Speaker 1: to get into it, but I'm assuming it's been a
8:23
Speaker 1: lot of work for you to get into this mindset
8:26
Speaker 1: of like, no, I'm going to do something completely different,
8:29
Speaker 1: because yeah, changing from where you've come from is so
8:33
Speaker 1: hard because even though it's really awful, like that sounds terrible,
8:37
Speaker 1: and like you have touched lightly on the fact that
8:41
Speaker 1: financial abuse is often intertwined with other types of abuse,
8:45
Speaker 1: and we might touch on that a little bit later,
8:47
Speaker 1: but it's one of those things where even though that's
8:50
Speaker 1: the case, change is not what humans crave and so
8:55
Speaker 1: that's why so many people stay in positions like this
8:58
Speaker 1: for a long period of time, because it's like, well,
9:01
Speaker 1: I have been told that the grass is greener, but
9:03
Speaker 1: like I don't know that for sure, so like, maybe
9:06
Speaker 1: I'll just do what I've always done. So tell me, obviously,
9:10
Speaker 1: this is just what you grew up with. Was that intergenerational?
9:13
Speaker 1: And like, then tell me a little bit about the
9:15
Speaker 1: change and why you knew you needed to make that.
9:18
Speaker 3: Oh, I could say generational and maybe even cultural. So
9:25
Speaker 3: I am from me and I'm gonna be careful how
9:27
Speaker 3: I say this, But it's very common in Polynesian culture
9:31
Speaker 3: to send money back to the Islands or send money
9:34
Speaker 3: back to New Zealand because it's a hard life overseas.
9:38
Speaker 3: And I feel like that's slowly trickled onto me. My parents.
9:44
Speaker 3: I don't know a lot about one side of my grandparents,
9:47
Speaker 3: but the other side I know were in it was
9:50
Speaker 3: just extreme levels of poverty, and both of my parents
9:53
Speaker 3: came from extreme levels of poverty. That's probably the best
9:57
Speaker 3: way I could describe.
9:58
Speaker 1: Right, I know that makes sense, And I guess that's
10:00
Speaker 1: where like I get a little bit I want to
10:03
Speaker 1: say pervy, but like I'm often interested when having these conversations,
10:07
Speaker 1: is like, well, where has this stemmed from? Because I
10:10
Speaker 1: don't believe that many people wake up one day from
10:14
Speaker 1: their you know, nine to five Monday to Friday jobs
10:16
Speaker 1: and go, hi, husband, I would really like to not
10:18
Speaker 1: be employed anymore, and you both just quit your jobs
10:21
Speaker 1: and that becomes the lifestyle you live, like usually it's
10:24
Speaker 1: quite ingrained. And then having lots of siblings, there's obviously
10:28
Speaker 1: a massive age difference between you and your siblings. Yes,
10:34
Speaker 1: like how did that come to fruition? And like did
10:37
Speaker 1: that play into it? Was the decision to not have
10:39
Speaker 1: more kids immediately after you financial.
10:43
Speaker 3: So I think from so like there's myself and another sibling,
10:46
Speaker 3: we're incredibly close in age, and then there's a ten
10:49
Speaker 3: year age gap when we grew up. I do remember
10:53
Speaker 3: both of my parents working. They would go to have
10:57
Speaker 3: three more children in like two or three years, but
11:00
Speaker 3: as I said, it's that big ten year age gap,
11:03
Speaker 3: and I just remember they stopped working, Like I have
11:06
Speaker 3: memories with my parents not working for decades, like and
11:11
Speaker 3: we were struggling, Like I remember, you know, standing in
11:14
Speaker 3: line at like the Salvos or Saint Vincent's or like
11:19
Speaker 3: the churches and things like that to get groceries. And yeah,
11:23
Speaker 3: we were just always sort of struggling. And I think
11:28
Speaker 3: my mom made the decision to be a stay at
11:31
Speaker 3: home mom. And I think it could have been a
11:34
Speaker 3: mental health card honestly from in hindsight that maybe they
11:38
Speaker 3: thought they couldn't work. I think it had to do
11:41
Speaker 3: with their overall mental wellness and health as well.
11:44
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, and like all of that makes sense, and
11:47
Speaker 1: like I'm not here to judge anyone's decision. I'm just
11:50
Speaker 1: here to learn a little bit more about you and
11:53
Speaker 1: share this story of yours so that we can hopefully
11:55
Speaker 1: stop other people going through this. Yeah, having grown up
11:59
Speaker 1: going to the elbows and you know, having I guess
12:04
Speaker 1: to seek support from other places to just put food
12:08
Speaker 1: on the table. How does that change your mindset? What
12:11
Speaker 1: does that mean for you? Not just today but growing up? Like,
12:15
Speaker 1: how did you see it? Was that the culture that
12:17
Speaker 1: you grew up in? Was everybody around you doing that?
12:20
Speaker 1: Or is that you're the outlier at school? Or tell
12:23
Speaker 1: me a bit more about that.
12:24
Speaker 3: Definitely, Like in our street there was there were two families.
12:28
Speaker 3: I remember there was eight kids on one side and
12:30
Speaker 3: another five kids on the other side, and they were
12:33
Speaker 3: going through exactly what we were going through, so they
12:36
Speaker 3: were struggling as well, and I guess that's where we
12:39
Speaker 3: sort of looked out for each other. Like I remember
12:42
Speaker 3: sometimes they'd drop groceries to our door, or like we'd
12:45
Speaker 3: invite them in for dinner, things like that. But when
12:49
Speaker 3: I really sort of look back at it, it was
12:51
Speaker 3: quite confronting. I remember being maybe seven or eight years
12:55
Speaker 3: old and my dad sort of sitting me and my
12:58
Speaker 3: brother down and just saying that Christmas isn't real. You're
13:03
Speaker 3: not going to get anything this year. You know, this
13:06
Speaker 3: needs to go to the other children. And he just
13:09
Speaker 3: always sort of ingrained that into us, and I guess
13:13
Speaker 3: that's what holidays look to us. So it was Easter
13:16
Speaker 3: is coming up, it's about the younger kids so they
13:19
Speaker 3: don't miss out, but also not being able to process
13:22
Speaker 3: that we were children too.
13:23
Speaker 1: A baby you're just you know, you're just a baby
13:26
Speaker 1: being forced to grow up.
13:28
Speaker 3: Like I think it was that just feeling of oh,
13:30
Speaker 3: my goodness, like we've got to take because those young kids,
13:33
Speaker 3: you know, they can't miss out, but actually realizing that
13:37
Speaker 3: maybe our parents had a bit of favoritism towards the children,
13:41
Speaker 3: and I just think they didn't know how to handle
13:44
Speaker 3: that very well. So it was very like, you know,
13:48
Speaker 3: Christmas is coming around, We've got some money, and it was, look,
13:52
Speaker 3: can you think about us, we need to put food
13:54
Speaker 3: on the things like that, and always having to give
13:57
Speaker 3: and give and give.
13:58
Speaker 1: What would have happened if you'd said no, like I
14:00
Speaker 1: worked for this money, I don't want to give it up,
14:03
Speaker 1: like obviously no, you would.
14:06
Speaker 3: Not look definitely like we would be punished. It is
14:10
Speaker 3: the best way to describe that.
14:12
Speaker 1: That's just not an option. Like you were going to
14:14
Speaker 1: work and you were bringing that money back and it
14:16
Speaker 1: was definitely for the family, no questions asked, and.
14:19
Speaker 3: Especially around like as I said, being thirteen or fourteen
14:22
Speaker 3: and thinking I was doing the right thing by rewarding
14:26
Speaker 3: my parents because they worked so hard for it. That
14:28
Speaker 3: was my mindset as a child, and just being punished
14:31
Speaker 3: for it, like it was so dramatic. It was like
14:34
Speaker 3: something you'd see on a TV show where the mom's
14:37
Speaker 3: like throwing stuff down the stairs, kicking over the Christmas tree,
14:42
Speaker 3: you know, lots of swearing, lots of like it would
14:45
Speaker 3: turn into a fight. Sometimes it would get physical and
14:49
Speaker 3: just crying, like just watching, just crying, being like, oh
14:52
Speaker 3: my goodness, nothing is enough. And instead of going like
14:56
Speaker 3: what's wrong with my parents, I'd go, I've got to
14:58
Speaker 3: work harder. I'm going to get that approval. I'm going
15:01
Speaker 3: to get that.
15:02
Speaker 1: And that's the cycle of abuse for you in a
15:04
Speaker 1: like and I won't say in a nutshell, but like
15:06
Speaker 1: in a very good example, because you know, as an outsider,
15:10
Speaker 1: and this is what frustrates me. People look in and go, well,
15:14
Speaker 1: why wouldn't you just push back or why wouldn't you
15:17
Speaker 1: just leave?
15:17
Speaker 3: Like you don't know anything different?
15:19
Speaker 1: But it's not even that you don't know different, Like
15:21
Speaker 1: your mindset is I deserved that, Like, you're right, I
15:25
Speaker 1: should have worked harder. I should have done something different,
15:27
Speaker 1: Like oh my god, Mum was so angry at me
15:29
Speaker 1: because I just I messed up far out. Your mindset
15:33
Speaker 1: is not where someone who's been in a healthy environment
15:37
Speaker 1: has been, because you've never known the healthy environment. And
15:40
Speaker 1: I think that's what's so heartbreaking about this is you
15:45
Speaker 1: just don't know what you don't know. And we say
15:48
Speaker 1: this all the time, and she's on the money, like
15:50
Speaker 1: you know, whether it's about investing or it's about saving
15:53
Speaker 1: or it's about financial abuse, Like you cannot look at
15:55
Speaker 1: someone else's situation and then give advice and say, well,
15:59
Speaker 1: this is what I would do different because that would work.
16:02
Speaker 1: That's not gonna work, Like that's not how it works.
16:05
Speaker 1: Like I wish I could like wave a magic wand
16:08
Speaker 1: and be like, well, actually this is what would fix it.
16:10
Speaker 1: And it's just trauma, like that is so ingrained that
16:14
Speaker 1: it would have taken you years to even come to
16:16
Speaker 1: the I guess conclusion that that wasn't okay, so literally
16:21
Speaker 1: talking less about what had happened. Tell me more, Now,
16:25
Speaker 1: when did you start to realize that mum maybe throwing
16:28
Speaker 1: things down the stairs was not the way that other
16:32
Speaker 1: mums were parenting, Like when did you realize that was
16:36
Speaker 1: maybe not how it worked?
16:39
Speaker 3: Goodness? If I'm being completely honest, I would have been
16:43
Speaker 3: about nineteen when I met my current partner, current fiance,
16:48
Speaker 3: Like it's gonna keep the father of my children's so cute.
16:51
Speaker 3: You were just babies and he had a beautiful two
16:55
Speaker 3: year old, and I just remember there was something that
17:00
Speaker 3: he did, like as as kids do. He threw something,
17:03
Speaker 3: he broke something, and I just remember looking and going,
17:07
Speaker 3: I'm not going to yell at him. I'm not going
17:09
Speaker 3: to turn this into a fight, like it was very
17:12
Speaker 3: clearly an accident. And that was just like this overwhelming,
17:16
Speaker 3: like my brain shutting down, like how could they treat
17:19
Speaker 3: people like that? That was my like, whoa, this is
17:24
Speaker 3: how you're meant to be treated. This is I'd never
17:27
Speaker 3: do that to my children. I just didn't have it
17:29
Speaker 3: in me to be so aggressive or angry towards this child.
17:34
Speaker 3: And that was like the WHOA, how long has this
17:38
Speaker 3: been happening for?
17:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's a slippery and very confronting slope. So
17:44
Speaker 1: tell me a bit more about Obviously that moment happened,
17:47
Speaker 1: and then what then were you reflecting on your situation
17:51
Speaker 1: or did you bury it and go I don't want
17:53
Speaker 1: to think about this, Like there was.
17:56
Speaker 3: One more moment and like this has only just come
17:59
Speaker 3: up now. I didn't need to think of it until
18:00
Speaker 3: right now. My eighteenth birthday, I remember my dad took
18:04
Speaker 3: me to the pub, and my birthdays in January, so
18:09
Speaker 3: straight after Christmas and that's my birthday. I usually missed
18:13
Speaker 3: out on birthdays and things like that. That's just sort
18:15
Speaker 3: of how it was. And I remember being eighteen, I
18:20
Speaker 3: had just paid for Christmas. I spent months of everything
18:24
Speaker 3: I was earning as an apprentice, so like maybe two
18:27
Speaker 3: hundred and fifty three hundred dollars a week towards my
18:30
Speaker 3: family and extended family, so it looked very vibrant and
18:34
Speaker 3: things like that. Towards Christmas, we had a sun room
18:37
Speaker 3: full of gifts and I would have spent thousands. And
18:40
Speaker 3: I remember we went to I guess the Pokey Room,
18:45
Speaker 3: and I remember watching my parents and I'm counting the
18:49
Speaker 3: money put around five thousand dollars into this massione, and
18:54
Speaker 3: I remember I kept tapping my dad and my mom
18:57
Speaker 3: like come on, we should take this out, and we
18:58
Speaker 3: should go home. We should take this, we should go home,
19:01
Speaker 3: and not actually like being able to process what had happened.
19:05
Speaker 3: And we stayed there from like I remember knocking off
19:08
Speaker 3: at four o'clock. We got there at five, and we
19:11
Speaker 3: were there till four o'clock the next morning. Oh my god,
19:15
Speaker 3: And they were winning these ridiculous amounts, like majors and
19:19
Speaker 3: all of these like lots of lives, lots of money,
19:23
Speaker 3: and they just put it back in there. And I
19:25
Speaker 3: just remember thinking, like, oh my god, I didn't pack
19:28
Speaker 3: lunch this week you know, there was nothing in the cupboard.
19:31
Speaker 3: I bought a loaf of bread and had to live
19:32
Speaker 3: off it, and there was five thousand dollars into this machine.
19:37
Speaker 3: And it was so confronting at that time and just
19:40
Speaker 3: being like, Oh my god, it's not my fault. None
19:44
Speaker 3: of this situation, none of like the poverty we were
19:47
Speaker 3: going through, None of that was my decision. That was
19:49
Speaker 3: my parents' decision.
19:51
Speaker 1: And you're just watching them choose for hours on end
19:54
Speaker 1: to not step up and to just waste it like
19:58
Speaker 1: that would have been. How were you feeling after that,
20:02
Speaker 1: because I'm assuming with the dynamic that you had in
20:05
Speaker 1: your family, that confrontation was probably not the way you
20:09
Speaker 1: dealt with that.
20:10
Speaker 3: I would confront them. It was a huge fight. I
20:13
Speaker 3: remember walking home crying and then walking to I guess
20:17
Speaker 3: my boyfriend at the time, and sort of telling him
20:21
Speaker 3: what had happened, and then just having to quickly put
20:24
Speaker 3: together and go to work and just crying my whole shift,
20:27
Speaker 3: Like it was so confronting. I couldn't stop sobbing. I
20:31
Speaker 3: was a mess.
20:31
Speaker 1: Oh my god, my heart. And so I guess those
20:36
Speaker 1: situations and those experiences showed you that maybe that's not
20:41
Speaker 1: what you wanted to be moving forward? What did you do?
20:45
Speaker 1: How did you? Like, I know that you're now twenty
20:47
Speaker 1: three and you're out on the other side, but like,
20:50
Speaker 1: what did twenty five? Oh twenty five? Oh yeah, your
20:54
Speaker 1: parents were part of that until twenty three. Sorry. Yes,
20:57
Speaker 1: So you get to twenty three and you're trying to
21:00
Speaker 1: change your life, Like, what were those steps like? Because
21:04
Speaker 1: that's hard.
21:05
Speaker 3: It was incredibly difficult. But you know, at this stage,
21:11
Speaker 3: you know, I had been with my partner for four years,
21:13
Speaker 3: and our Christmas was still like buying these ridiculous luxury gifts,
21:21
Speaker 3: like I remember my father asking for five thousand dollar
21:25
Speaker 3: like Gucci sonnies, and my mom asking for like designer
21:30
Speaker 3: handbags and like dult Changer barn and makeup and just
21:35
Speaker 3: these ridiculous, expensive, luxurious, glamorous gifts.
21:41
Speaker 1: That were not in line with their income at all,
21:43
Speaker 1: like or in line with the lifestyle that they were living.
21:46
Speaker 1: Like it's heartbreaking to see how their values were being
21:52
Speaker 1: I want to say, portrayed when they had children and responsibilities.
21:58
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a perfect way to describe my household. They
22:02
Speaker 3: are struggling to pay rent, they're scared that, you know,
22:05
Speaker 3: the cost of living all of these sorts of things,
22:08
Speaker 3: but they still have a BMW parked on the front. Yeah,
22:13
Speaker 3: and like a brand new Prato that they've just spent
22:17
Speaker 3: you know, fifty thousand dollars on. So their priorities around money,
22:22
Speaker 3: it's not linear in any way.
22:25
Speaker 1: Gosh, And do you know what when people are so deep,
22:29
Speaker 1: the unfortunate thing is you're going to have to pull
22:32
Speaker 1: yourself out of that because more often than not, they're
22:35
Speaker 1: not going to change, like that's not something that they're
22:38
Speaker 1: going to go. Well, actually, money derest We started listening
22:41
Speaker 1: to this podcast and we want to change, like these
22:44
Speaker 1: things are often so deeply rooted that change is very,
22:49
Speaker 1: very very uncommon. And that's where we see lots of
22:52
Speaker 1: people in our community having these conversations about their parents
22:57
Speaker 1: and going, well, that's not who I want to be,
22:59
Speaker 1: that's not what I want my narrative to look like.
23:02
Speaker 3: And I definitely remember like thinking like could I accept
23:07
Speaker 3: this behavior because anything that's not changing I'm accepting. I'm
23:11
Speaker 3: allowing my children to see them treat me like that,
23:15
Speaker 3: I'm allowing myself to be treated like that. And it's like,
23:19
Speaker 3: what's too far? Because there's no boundaries anymore boundaries don't
23:22
Speaker 3: exist in this household? What are the next steps? And
23:28
Speaker 3: the perfect way to describe it is decisions were often
23:32
Speaker 3: made without any of my input around my finances. I
23:36
Speaker 3: would end up getting a really good corporate job, and
23:41
Speaker 3: I started at like an apprentice sort of mechanic level,
23:44
Speaker 3: and I grew into a salesperson and then eventually to
23:50
Speaker 3: a business manager slash advisor to the directors of the company.
23:55
Speaker 1: Wow, how good is that? Look at you glow?
23:59
Speaker 3: It was at the time and as you just said,
24:02
Speaker 3: like wow, what an amazing opportunity. But what my I
24:06
Speaker 3: guess direct family and friends started to see that was okay,
24:11
Speaker 3: well this she's in charge of this mechanical business. And
24:14
Speaker 3: that's where I'd start to get that thousands and thousands
24:17
Speaker 3: of dollars worth of debt because it was just a
24:19
Speaker 3: drive through for them. They would drop their cars, they
24:24
Speaker 3: were you know, abuse staff members. They would expect it
24:27
Speaker 3: to be done. I would get like twenty missed phone calls.
24:30
Speaker 3: They would call the office, they would send text messages
24:33
Speaker 3: like my it was so out of control all the time.
24:37
Speaker 1: And how did you feel about Like if that was
24:40
Speaker 1: just you know, spitballing here, if that was my family.
24:43
Speaker 1: I'd be mortified, like is that what you're going to
24:46
Speaker 1: work and just being.
24:47
Speaker 3: Like oh no, like literally and like almost losing my
24:52
Speaker 3: job that I had worked. This was my dream job.
24:55
Speaker 3: I had worked so hard to get here, being in
24:58
Speaker 3: a male dominated field and getting to the position I
25:01
Speaker 3: was at.
25:01
Speaker 1: You're killing it and having the rest of your family
25:04
Speaker 1: take the mickey, what the hell?
25:06
Speaker 3: Yes? And there was a really hard conversation with the
25:11
Speaker 3: directors because they're obviously opening up these accounts and I
25:15
Speaker 3: had to start paying for these accounts, and I guess
25:18
Speaker 3: feeling so trapped, helpless and this huge amount of shame.
25:23
Speaker 3: I couldn't say to them, please stop accepting my parents.
25:26
Speaker 3: I don't want to pay those you know, I never
25:29
Speaker 3: agree to this. I didn't say, hey, I've got their card,
25:33
Speaker 3: I've got their tab, I've got it. It was just
25:36
Speaker 3: assumed that I would take care of it.
25:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it was hard.
25:39
Speaker 3: It was really really hard.
25:40
Speaker 1: So talk to me about the turning point you decided
25:43
Speaker 1: this life isn't for me. What did that look like?
25:47
Speaker 3: Oh? I think there were two pivotal moments. I would
25:52
Speaker 3: end up leaving this position to a job that was
25:55
Speaker 3: closer to home, and I had only been there a
25:59
Speaker 3: couple of weeks, and I got in this phone call
26:02
Speaker 3: that the BMW has broken down, and I went, all,
26:09
Speaker 3: I'm at work. I'm still in pro like, I really
26:11
Speaker 3: can't just leave right now, and I was forced to leave.
26:17
Speaker 3: During this point. As I was forced to leave, I've
26:21
Speaker 3: gone into Berson, I've had a quick look at the car.
26:23
Speaker 3: I've grabbed the oil, I've grabbed the cool and I've
26:25
Speaker 3: grabbed a couple of tools. I grabbed like a jumpstarter
26:28
Speaker 3: I had in my ute, and we tried to get
26:31
Speaker 3: this car going. It was very clear from the quick
26:34
Speaker 3: diagnosis I've done, I'm like, your engine's gone and it's
26:38
Speaker 3: the ECU and I can't fix this. It's not just
26:41
Speaker 3: a quick fix. You're going to have to take this
26:43
Speaker 3: to a specialist because they have specific computers for this.
26:48
Speaker 3: And I'd already spent half my day trying to get
26:50
Speaker 3: this car going. We eventually got it going. I've taken
26:54
Speaker 3: it to this luxury BMW sort of dealership that special
27:00
Speaker 3: with these cars, and the bill got handed to me,
27:04
Speaker 3: and I guess I just kept getting phone calls from
27:06
Speaker 3: both of my parents. They started calling like my work number,
27:11
Speaker 3: and again it was almost like PTSD from the last position,
27:15
Speaker 3: being dragged into the office and like having a stern
27:18
Speaker 3: talking to like what are you doing? You're here to work,
27:22
Speaker 3: You've spent this many hours on the phone. And I
27:25
Speaker 3: would end up paying nearly eight hundred dollars to get
27:30
Speaker 3: this car out for them. The engine needed to be rebuilt,
27:35
Speaker 3: and they thought I would just cover the fifteen thousand
27:38
Speaker 3: dollars to have this engine rebuilt.
27:40
Speaker 1: My god, like but why why would you just cover that?
27:44
Speaker 3: And like really just thinking about like none of my
27:47
Speaker 3: cars cost fifteen grand, by the way, Like I had
27:49
Speaker 3: all of these cars under ten grand, and I'm like,
27:53
Speaker 3: wait what. And during that time I was borrowing my
27:57
Speaker 3: partner's car. They had taken my car and I could
28:01
Speaker 3: hear the way they were driving it and it was
28:03
Speaker 3: so and it's an older model high LIKEX okay, this
28:06
Speaker 3: car is older than me. And I could hear them
28:09
Speaker 3: revving it and like slamming the brakes and they're like
28:12
Speaker 3: you need to pay, and like the fight that I
28:15
Speaker 3: would have with them, and I'm like, oh my goodness,
28:18
Speaker 3: they're telling me they're going to write off my partner's car.
28:21
Speaker 3: Who doesn't know that I've just given this car for
28:25
Speaker 3: them to quickly borrow.
28:26
Speaker 1: Yeah, and your partner had no idea that any of
28:28
Speaker 1: this was no right, Oh.
28:30
Speaker 3: My goodness, no idean. And I've had to like obviously
28:33
Speaker 3: call him. I've walked to this dealership that was like
28:36
Speaker 3: on the other side of town to pick up this
28:39
Speaker 3: BMW and just being so cautious. So I ended up
28:43
Speaker 3: paying the repairs that they had done and I had gone.
28:47
Speaker 3: You know, I'm still getting yelled down the phone. I'm
28:49
Speaker 3: usually really chill and easy going, so I'm like, oh, okay,
28:52
Speaker 3: I understand, Yes, yes, I was a bit of a
28:54
Speaker 3: yes man, and they had my partner's car, and having
28:58
Speaker 3: to get on the phone to my pr explain what
29:02
Speaker 3: I'm hysterical. I'm just mortified. He loves this car more
29:06
Speaker 3: than anything. He drinks his coffee every morning and stares
29:09
Speaker 3: at this highlux He loves this.
29:11
Speaker 1: Am I love you love their stuff, I really do.
29:15
Speaker 3: You just know they're grateful for what they have, Like
29:18
Speaker 3: there's just something so special about that. He could win
29:20
Speaker 3: the lotto tomorrow and he would still have this car.
29:23
Speaker 3: He loves this thing. Oh my god, that would just
29:27
Speaker 3: stress me out. And he was so calm. He cuddles me,
29:30
Speaker 3: and he goes, sweetheart, it's just a car, and I'm
29:33
Speaker 3: sorry your parents are doing this, Like he had no anger,
29:36
Speaker 3: no resentment.
29:37
Speaker 1: And was that the moment that you were like, I
29:40
Speaker 1: know I need to mar no, no, no, I know
29:42
Speaker 1: I need to marry this man that too, because I
29:44
Speaker 1: would have been like, I think I might marry this.
29:47
Speaker 1: You are the father of my children. I don't know
29:49
Speaker 1: if you know this, but.
29:51
Speaker 3: Literally and just being so mortified, like, oh my god,
29:55
Speaker 3: you know my parents. I don't know if my parents
29:57
Speaker 3: have ridden off your car at all, because I just
29:59
Speaker 3: refuse to. They're fifteen thousand engineery belt and my partner going.
30:04
Speaker 3: And I think it was also his mindset, like, sweetheart,
30:07
Speaker 3: it's just a car. You know, we get another one,
30:10
Speaker 3: Like it's all right, you know, it's old anyway, like
30:14
Speaker 3: being so calm and collected about the whole situation. And
30:18
Speaker 3: I guess just maybe it is the grass is greener
30:21
Speaker 3: with him and being able to see that, you know,
30:24
Speaker 3: when accidents and all these crazy sort of narratives happen
30:29
Speaker 3: doesn't prompt a response for violence. And that was my
30:33
Speaker 3: big like, oh my goodness, that's not change.
30:37
Speaker 1: Yeah wow, And so what did change look like?
30:41
Speaker 3: So for me, I did end up moving out of
30:44
Speaker 3: my parents' house. That was a big one, and I
30:48
Speaker 3: remember just blocking or like turning my phone off.
30:52
Speaker 1: I just feel like that's a bigger thing than just
30:54
Speaker 1: moving out though, Like you're moving out of this situation, Like,
30:58
Speaker 1: how'd you tell them? How did they respond? Like? What
31:02
Speaker 1: did that look like? Because I feel like in those
31:05
Speaker 1: situations they had from what I have learned, they had
31:08
Speaker 1: coercive control over you. So the second that you said
31:13
Speaker 1: I'm actually leaving this situation, they would have felt out
31:16
Speaker 1: of control completely, as you're no longer theirs to tell
31:20
Speaker 1: what to do, to use your money to do all
31:22
Speaker 1: of these things. And I'm sure that that stayed for
31:25
Speaker 1: a little bit, but I'm assuming that that's the case.
31:29
Speaker 1: So how did they respond when you said, by the way,
31:31
Speaker 1: I'm leaving.
31:32
Speaker 3: At the time, it was really supportive, but it would
31:36
Speaker 3: be later on. And at this point I started to
31:38
Speaker 3: get some help because there is and it's so underrated,
31:41
Speaker 3: there are so many free resources out there, and I
31:45
Speaker 3: had no idea, and I started to pick up on
31:48
Speaker 3: behavior patterns and if I didn't respond to them, say
31:52
Speaker 3: within a couple of hours or that sort of thing.
31:55
Speaker 3: There would be this huge, like triggering message that you'd
31:59
Speaker 3: respond to, and I slowly started to realize that that
32:02
Speaker 3: was a pattern of behavior that if they weren't getting
32:05
Speaker 3: what they wanted, it had to be this huge blow up,
32:10
Speaker 3: you know, like, oh my god, XYZ is happening, like,
32:13
Speaker 3: oh my goodness, Grandma, like someone think about Grandma pop,
32:17
Speaker 3: you know, or my own mental health, like whatever it
32:20
Speaker 3: was to get that reaction out of me, and you
32:25
Speaker 3: would slowly start to figure those little things out. Eventually,
32:31
Speaker 3: I wouldn't say it stopped, but I just blocked what
32:35
Speaker 3: I didn't want to see. So I deactivated like my
32:39
Speaker 3: Facebook and Messenger because that was like their direct portal
32:43
Speaker 3: to me. Yeah. I just downed the screen time and
32:47
Speaker 3: downed ways for them to see me. So sometimes they
32:51
Speaker 3: were pretty notorious for just randomly showing up. Wow, but
32:55
Speaker 3: just sort of like, you know, my partner would calmly
32:58
Speaker 3: open the door, Sorry she's home, and oh can we
33:01
Speaker 3: come in? No, mate, sorry, and just having that support network.
33:05
Speaker 1: Wow, what an icon this man. I think I'm in
33:08
Speaker 1: love with him too.
33:09
Speaker 3: He was so onto it, and he just knew I
33:13
Speaker 3: wanted out, he really really did, and he just supported.
33:15
Speaker 1: That What an icon. I love that. So now you're out,
33:19
Speaker 1: now you're on the flip side. What does that look like?
33:22
Speaker 1: You have some children, you have a very support tell me,
33:27
Speaker 1: tell me all of the fun stuff.
33:29
Speaker 3: So I do. I had my first biological child. I
33:33
Speaker 3: had my daughter Kaya in January.
33:37
Speaker 1: Congratulations, mama, How exciting.
33:41
Speaker 3: So good, amazing. I love it. I love it so much.
33:45
Speaker 3: I was one of those people that were so sick
33:47
Speaker 3: during their pregnancy.
33:48
Speaker 1: Oh the same girl, same girl. Like I am traumatized
33:51
Speaker 1: from that.
33:52
Speaker 3: Literally, if anyone else is pregnant, I never share my
33:55
Speaker 3: story around pregnancy because I'm like, you don't want to know.
33:59
Speaker 1: I tell them like, no, no, no, that's all good.
34:01
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know.
34:02
Speaker 1: I loved pregnancy, pregnancy beautiful. I hated it.
34:06
Speaker 3: That's exactly. It's so two children. My partner obviously had
34:11
Speaker 3: a child from a separate relationships or a bit of
34:14
Speaker 3: a shared family.
34:15
Speaker 1: Yeah, bonus, mum, Yeah, absolutely, it's.
34:17
Speaker 3: Lots of fun. It really is moving forward. Like my
34:21
Speaker 3: future looks like now I've got a dedicated like holiday.
34:25
Speaker 1: Fund, yes, queen, how good?
34:28
Speaker 3: Yes, all of my loans payments and I had every
34:34
Speaker 3: payment you could think of. I'm talking plenty. I'm talking
34:37
Speaker 3: zip pay, zip money after pay. We just collected Pokemon.
34:41
Speaker 3: It was a game, nimble, everything you can possibly think of,
34:44
Speaker 3: latitude I had. We've taken that down from all of
34:49
Speaker 3: that to one loan, which is fantastic. But having dedicated
34:55
Speaker 3: like savings to holidays houses an investment account, like, it's
35:00
Speaker 3: just up from here. I'm not falling short anymore. All
35:04
Speaker 3: of my arears is paid off.
35:06
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, who are you?
35:09
Speaker 3: Life looks so different, Like if you touched base with
35:12
Speaker 3: me a year ago, it would be a completely different conversation.
35:16
Speaker 1: My god. And so are you still in contact with
35:19
Speaker 1: your family or is that just something that you like
35:21
Speaker 1: that is not for me at this stage?
35:23
Speaker 3: I did. I gave a lot of opportunity, and I
35:28
Speaker 3: think you really nailed it on the head here where
35:31
Speaker 3: sometimes when they're so deep rooted into certain behaviors, certain
35:38
Speaker 3: spending styles, and I guess just who they are, they
35:42
Speaker 3: don't want to change. I can't change them. And I
35:45
Speaker 3: think people really need to realize that it's okay if
35:50
Speaker 3: they don't want to change, But are you going to
35:52
Speaker 3: accept that and live with that or are you not
35:54
Speaker 3: going to? And I didn't want to anymore.
35:57
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's fair. And I feel like drawing that boundary
36:00
Speaker 1: is probably the best thing you've ever done for yourself. Absolutely,
36:04
Speaker 1: Like you're creating the family that you deserve, not the
36:07
Speaker 1: family that you were just born into. And I think
36:09
Speaker 1: that that is such a powerful position to be in.
36:12
Speaker 3: It really is, And like, boundaries are so powerful, and
36:16
Speaker 3: a boundary is only a boundary if it's being respected.
36:20
Speaker 1: Yeah, one hundred percent, one hundred percent. And often people
36:23
Speaker 1: don't like your boundaries because it's a way that they
36:26
Speaker 1: can take advantage of you. Like that's right, Oh you
36:30
Speaker 1: don't like my boundaries. Is that because you wanted something
36:32
Speaker 1: for you that I was saying no for me?
36:34
Speaker 3: Like, oh interesting, whether it's a toxic boss, like a
36:38
Speaker 3: toxic girlfriend from high school. Like I just utilize and
36:42
Speaker 3: live that mantra every day. Boundary is only a boundary
36:46
Speaker 3: if it's being respected, exactly.
36:48
Speaker 1: So tell me what do you do for work? How
36:50
Speaker 1: much money do you earn today?
36:52
Speaker 3: So I am working casually and I work in the shift,
36:55
Speaker 3: which is really great for my lifestyle because I don't
36:58
Speaker 3: feel like I'm missing out.
37:00
Speaker 1: We've got a baby, what seven or eight months now?
37:02
Speaker 1: That day. I think the fact that you're working is impressive.
37:06
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, thank you. But we decided to make
37:09
Speaker 3: a decision that we obviously changed our budget and we
37:12
Speaker 3: were we were living comfortably, but we made the decision
37:16
Speaker 3: for me to return back to work casually get all
37:18
Speaker 3: of that loading, and it's only going to our housing
37:22
Speaker 3: and savings account.
37:23
Speaker 1: Oh how exciting. You just really feel like you're contributing
37:27
Speaker 1: when it goes straight into something like that, Hey really is.
37:30
Speaker 3: And it's like, oh my goodness, we're ahead all the time.
37:32
Speaker 3: What do we This is great sexy.
37:34
Speaker 1: I love it.
37:35
Speaker 3: It's amazing. But I work in hospitality and I've actually
37:39
Speaker 3: just been offered a duty manager position in the couple
37:42
Speaker 3: of months that I've been there. Of course you have,
37:45
Speaker 3: so that's obviously going to be a big pay rise.
37:47
Speaker 3: But at the moment, depending on the hours I want
37:50
Speaker 3: to do, it's anywhere between eight hundred dollars to twelve
37:54
Speaker 3: hundred dollars a week. It's casual, so there's some loading there.
37:57
Speaker 3: Sometimes it's a little bit more, sometimes it's a little
37:59
Speaker 3: bit less, but that's usually what we're looking at.
38:02
Speaker 1: How good's that?
38:03
Speaker 3: And if I take on the duty manager role, it'll
38:06
Speaker 3: be about eighty thousand a year.
38:08
Speaker 1: Oh how good is that? I bet you didn't see
38:11
Speaker 1: that coming.
38:11
Speaker 3: No, not at all, And it was just a job
38:13
Speaker 3: I enjoyed. It's really sweet. It's almost like an RSL
38:17
Speaker 3: sort of vibe. You know, it's the same locals and
38:20
Speaker 3: they're really beautiful, and I do enjoy it.
38:23
Speaker 1: I love that. So tell me a bit more. What
38:25
Speaker 1: are your big money goals? You've obviously started setting everything up.
38:28
Speaker 1: You've got this like holiday fund, but like, what are
38:31
Speaker 1: you currently working towards?
38:33
Speaker 3: So for us, we're currently saving for our very first
38:38
Speaker 3: investment property and.
38:40
Speaker 1: What does that look like? How will that work?
38:42
Speaker 3: So at the moment, we're in one of those suburbs
38:44
Speaker 3: that just quadrupled during COVID, so we will likely be renfesting.
38:51
Speaker 3: So we're looking just out of southeast Queensland, Greater Brisbane.
38:56
Speaker 1: How good? All right, let's go to a really quick
38:58
Speaker 1: break on the flip side. I have a whole heap
39:00
Speaker 1: of questions for you. Don't go anywhere money, Diris. We
39:08
Speaker 1: are back and I feel like you have changed your
39:10
Speaker 1: entire story, Like you haven't just changed a few things,
39:14
Speaker 1: and like you know, gone from being in debt to
39:16
Speaker 1: out of debt, Like you've changed the entire trajectory of
39:19
Speaker 1: your entire life, and I am just I'm so proud
39:22
Speaker 1: of you, but so excited to see where you go.
39:25
Speaker 1: Like every job that you've had. I don't know if
39:27
Speaker 1: you've noticed this pattern, but you've told me every job
39:30
Speaker 1: you've had, you've like gone in they've seen your value
39:33
Speaker 1: really early on. You've probably had this epic work ethic
39:36
Speaker 1: and you've moved up the ranks really quickly. You've just
39:38
Speaker 1: done it again. You went back casually just doing some
39:41
Speaker 1: like night shift stuff so that you could bring some
39:44
Speaker 1: extra cash in and they've already offered you a duty
39:47
Speaker 1: manager role like be for real, Like obviously you are
39:51
Speaker 1: killing it, but.
39:53
Speaker 3: That's insane when you say it out loud.
39:55
Speaker 1: Yeah, but like it's so cool that that's the case,
39:59
Speaker 1: and you can just see it when you were even
40:00
Speaker 1: doing that, when you were experiencing such adversity that now
40:04
Speaker 1: you're not, Like, I can't wait to see where you go.
40:07
Speaker 1: But back to the set questions before I get completely
40:11
Speaker 1: off track again, have you thought about investing what does
40:14
Speaker 1: that look like for you in the future, or have
40:17
Speaker 1: you discussed it with your partner? Or what are your
40:20
Speaker 1: thoughts and feelings.
40:21
Speaker 3: So we're definitely looking down the investment route. We're actually
40:25
Speaker 3: booked in this week to touch base with a financial advisor.
40:29
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, get it.
40:31
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're really excited for so we're looking at utilizing
40:35
Speaker 3: our superannuation a little bit better, and yeah, we definitely
40:39
Speaker 3: want to get into shares and those sorts of things,
40:43
Speaker 3: but for the moment, we're really sort of our focus
40:46
Speaker 3: is around our first investment property, Like that's our big
40:50
Speaker 3: sort of ticket item that we're.
40:52
Speaker 1: And that's an investment like that's still there. That absolutely
40:55
Speaker 1: makes sense when you touched on super so I just
40:58
Speaker 1: feel like you're in the right place. You're going places,
41:01
Speaker 1: my friend, thank you so.
41:02
Speaker 3: Much, thank you, but really excited to see what the
41:06
Speaker 3: financial advisor we'll have to say, and we're just going
41:09
Speaker 3: to sort of work from there. We're really really excited.
41:11
Speaker 1: I love it all right, tell me about debts. So
41:14
Speaker 1: you have smashed down so much debt it's not even funny.
41:18
Speaker 1: What are your current debts and how long do you
41:22
Speaker 1: think it'll take to get out of them?
41:23
Speaker 3: So this is where my partner and I are sort
41:26
Speaker 3: of on the fence because we do solely have as
41:29
Speaker 3: I said, an entire job going dedicated to savings. And
41:35
Speaker 3: we're deciding whether we pay out all of our debts
41:39
Speaker 3: or whether we still go for the investment property. But
41:43
Speaker 3: our capacity will change, so what we can actually loan
41:46
Speaker 3: is going to change. So that's what we're sort of
41:49
Speaker 3: on the line of, we refinance some debts. So my
41:53
Speaker 3: partner has a personal loan he refinanced, and I've just
41:57
Speaker 3: got my car loans.
41:58
Speaker 1: You've just got one each each. Oh my gosh, if
42:01
Speaker 1: we went back like three or four years, would you
42:03
Speaker 1: believe that you only had one?
42:04
Speaker 3: Absolutely not. I just remember always having a negative account
42:08
Speaker 3: and always getting the scary phone call of like you ows.
42:12
Speaker 1: And now if I said to you, oh my gosh,
42:14
Speaker 1: this bill has popped up, like it's one hundred dollars,
42:17
Speaker 1: like you'd have the cash in the bank for that.
42:19
Speaker 3: We do.
42:19
Speaker 1: Oh, how exciting is that? That's my favorite thing to hear,
42:23
Speaker 1: Like obviously, an emergency fund is literally my favorite thing
42:27
Speaker 1: because it gives you financial control even if you are
42:30
Speaker 1: still in debt, like even if you are still going
42:32
Speaker 1: through it, like just knowing that you've got cash at
42:35
Speaker 1: your fingertips to get yourself out of a pickle like,
42:38
Speaker 1: it's literally the best thing ever. I want to know though,
42:42
Speaker 1: Like side note on the debt question, you've obviously smashed
42:45
Speaker 1: down so much of it. What's your best smashing down
42:48
Speaker 1: debt tip?
42:49
Speaker 3: That is such a good question. Something that I did
42:53
Speaker 3: and I was heavily pregnant with my daughter when I
42:56
Speaker 3: did this, I picked up a job in my last trimester.
43:01
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, icon, I think I was dying in
43:04
Speaker 1: my last trimester.
43:05
Speaker 3: Oh I was. I had to walk around with a nappy.
43:07
Speaker 3: It wasn't pretty for anyone involve so just at work
43:12
Speaker 3: wearing a nappy, No, no, no, how would they lik?
43:15
Speaker 3: Oh and the vomit bag, but it was kind of
43:17
Speaker 3: beautiful because it was male dominant.
43:19
Speaker 1: They didn't want to ask those.
43:20
Speaker 3: Questions because I so much information, you.
43:23
Speaker 1: Know, scare them away. Icon.
43:25
Speaker 3: I think the best tip I could give is just focusing.
43:29
Speaker 3: Like in my case, it was arrears and refinancing. So
43:34
Speaker 3: I was a really really silly girl. And something that
43:36
Speaker 3: they don't tell you is if you're not paying off
43:39
Speaker 3: your finances, and maybe I think I went into like
43:44
Speaker 3: an emergency program so they stopped taking money up and
43:48
Speaker 3: I had six months to pay that off what they
43:50
Speaker 3: don't tell you is that you have to play six
43:52
Speaker 3: months interest on top of that. Yeah, and I did
43:55
Speaker 3: that with all of my loans, so my arears were insane.
44:00
Speaker 3: During that time. We sold off just things that we
44:04
Speaker 3: didn't need, like the trailer that was hanging out in
44:08
Speaker 3: the front yard that no one's touched. But I worked
44:11
Speaker 3: and we just solely used. My partner paid the bills
44:15
Speaker 3: and I paid like all of the arrears and finances,
44:18
Speaker 3: and within you know, four to five short months, everything
44:24
Speaker 3: was almost gone. And then we refinanced.
44:26
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, that's so exciting. And I love that
44:30
Speaker 1: you were so resourceful. I mean the fact that you
44:33
Speaker 1: were willing to wear unappy to work and get it. Queen,
44:37
Speaker 1: you're a woman on a mission. I love it. It was
44:40
Speaker 1: and I.
44:40
Speaker 3: Look back and I look at like the lifestyle I
44:43
Speaker 3: have now with my daughter, like even now, like I'm
44:47
Speaker 3: sitting with my daughter, like and it's so amazing. But
44:50
Speaker 3: I still have cash flow coming in, and I still
44:52
Speaker 3: have savings and an emergency fund and you know, as
44:56
Speaker 3: a dedicated holiday fund.
44:58
Speaker 1: That's so excited. And that's just not how you grew up.
45:03
Speaker 1: Like these are things and experiences that you're able to
45:05
Speaker 1: give your daughter because you've been able to take control
45:08
Speaker 1: of this situation.
45:10
Speaker 3: I'm obsessed, Oh my goodness, absolutely, even like it's gotten
45:14
Speaker 3: down to like a sun and like his first bits
45:16
Speaker 3: of pocket money, and we're sort of explaining that, like, okay,
45:20
Speaker 3: so half we're putting away and then half again, So
45:23
Speaker 3: a quarter you can spend on whatever, that's your splurge money.
45:26
Speaker 3: The other quarter is you know, are you saving for
45:29
Speaker 3: that lego? Are you saving for that basketball? And we're
45:32
Speaker 3: just trying to teach him around money and get his
45:36
Speaker 3: literacy up as well, which is really exciting too.
45:39
Speaker 1: And I think that that's such a really good point,
45:42
Speaker 1: like you get to instill this in a future generation,
45:45
Speaker 1: which is really cool. But also something that I want
45:48
Speaker 1: to go back on. Earlier, you said something, you said,
45:52
Speaker 1: I'm such a silly girl. I believe like around how
45:57
Speaker 1: you managed your debts, and I just wanted to nip
45:59
Speaker 1: that in but because you said I'm yeah, I'm such
46:03
Speaker 1: a silly girl, or I was such a silly girl,
46:05
Speaker 1: and just you were doing the best that you could
46:07
Speaker 1: with the time and the energy and the knowledge and
46:10
Speaker 1: the resources that you had access to. You were just
46:13
Speaker 1: getting by and I think that we need to be
46:15
Speaker 1: so gentle with our past selves because that's who got
46:20
Speaker 1: you to hear, Like they might not have had the
46:22
Speaker 1: time and the resources, and she might not have had
46:25
Speaker 1: the knowledge that you have today, but that didn't make
46:27
Speaker 1: her silly because she's the one that got you out
46:29
Speaker 1: of that situation. Like, I just think it's so important
46:33
Speaker 1: to be so kind to past us because so many
46:36
Speaker 1: times we call ourselves silly or dumb or oh my god,
46:39
Speaker 1: I'm such an idiot, and like it's not true, like
46:42
Speaker 1: and it doesn't help us to be in that mindset.
46:45
Speaker 3: No, no, it's es same. It doesn't help anyone. It's
46:48
Speaker 3: very true though, Like, and I think just the reflection
46:51
Speaker 3: on looking back and seeing where I am, you wouldn't
46:54
Speaker 3: believe it.
46:54
Speaker 1: I do. I can see it, and it's so cool,
46:58
Speaker 1: it's insane.
46:59
Speaker 3: Like literally, I think I had a photo memory come
47:02
Speaker 3: up today where I was heavily pregnant with my daughter
47:05
Speaker 3: and I remember like the loan sharks knocking on the door.
47:08
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, wow, that was.
47:10
Speaker 3: A photo memory that came up to then, like you know,
47:14
Speaker 3: having savings, living comfortably, your all of these accounts, and
47:19
Speaker 3: this was only within a year eighteen months time, which
47:22
Speaker 3: is insane.
47:23
Speaker 1: I am so excited for you. So tell me, what
47:26
Speaker 1: do you think is now your best money habit?
47:29
Speaker 3: You know what my best money habit At the moment,
47:32
Speaker 3: I'm on the fence between prioritizing debt or my house
47:38
Speaker 3: savings account because I love that, Like you wake up
47:41
Speaker 3: every week looking and like, well look how much of
47:44
Speaker 3: that grew? I think that's my favorite. Definitely my house
47:48
Speaker 3: savings account.
47:49
Speaker 1: I think that that is a really, really good money habit.
47:53
Speaker 1: Tell me, though, do you have any naughty little money habits?
47:56
Speaker 1: What's your worst?
47:57
Speaker 3: Oh? My goodness? Now, like, oh, I feel like so
48:01
Speaker 3: many people relate to this too, and it's almost like
48:04
Speaker 3: it's a bit naughty. It's a bit naughty.
48:05
Speaker 1: It's all right, that's all right, we're here for it,
48:07
Speaker 1: irrespective of how naughty it is.
48:10
Speaker 3: I love a naughty snack from the server.
48:12
Speaker 1: Oh no, sorry, I'm I'm here for that. Like, not
48:15
Speaker 1: one thing hits better than a seven eleven sausage roll,
48:18
Speaker 1: that's right, Like it's it's not even naughty to me.
48:21
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is this is a treat. It's self
48:24
Speaker 1: care guys, Yeah exactly. And I mean if the coffee
48:27
Speaker 1: is a dollar. Like, am I not saving money by
48:30
Speaker 1: being here?
48:30
Speaker 3: My goodness? But I'm really bad for that. Like it's
48:34
Speaker 3: me and my partners. We look at each other, I'm like, oh,
48:37
Speaker 3: would a Maxi bond be nice right now?
48:39
Speaker 1: It would be it would be really nice.
48:41
Speaker 3: It would be really nice. But that is something like,
48:44
Speaker 3: you know, we stay on top of checking our accounts.
48:47
Speaker 3: Often we look and we go, oh, you know, maybe it,
48:50
Speaker 3: which is why a pack of Maxi bonds instead of
48:53
Speaker 3: like yell midnight trips.
48:55
Speaker 1: See, that's what kills me. Knowing how cheap they are
48:58
Speaker 1: at the supermarket, Like just knowing that I'm spending what
49:02
Speaker 1: I could have spent on a box of four on
49:05
Speaker 1: was like I'm always like, oh, this pains me, but
49:08
Speaker 1: then I tap my card and I did it anyway,
49:11
Speaker 1: that's it.
49:12
Speaker 3: So that's something that we're slowly working on. But it's
49:15
Speaker 3: also like this idea on our head. We were like, well,
49:18
Speaker 3: it does make us really happy and we love doing it. True.
49:22
Speaker 1: True, we are living within our values. Yes, Money Diarist,
49:27
Speaker 1: at the start of this episode, you said I'm a
49:29
Speaker 1: C plus. I think I'm a C plus and I'm
49:31
Speaker 1: not going to argue with you. I feel like you
49:33
Speaker 1: have been through the absolute ringer and come out the
49:36
Speaker 1: other side for the better. Like I'm just I'm so
49:39
Speaker 1: proud of you, Like you've been through so much and
49:43
Speaker 1: changed your whole trajectory for the better. Like your daughter
49:47
Speaker 1: is in the best possible position. Your family is going
49:49
Speaker 1: to be so well looked after. What would it take
49:53
Speaker 1: for you to get to an A or an A plus?
49:56
Speaker 3: Like?
49:56
Speaker 1: What would that look like? What work do you think
49:58
Speaker 1: needs to be done?
49:59
Speaker 3: I think it's it's the power of the unknown. At
50:02
Speaker 3: the moment, I feel like I'm so new to understanding money,
50:07
Speaker 3: and even though I'm passionate about it, I'm reading every
50:09
Speaker 3: book I can find on it. I think when I
50:12
Speaker 3: have a better understanding on say like investments and prioritizing
50:18
Speaker 3: debt a little bit more, and I guess having a
50:21
Speaker 3: stronger knowledge on budget, I have the most basic PDF
50:25
Speaker 3: budget you can think of, it's you know, I could
50:28
Speaker 3: change things up, for sure, but I think really sort
50:32
Speaker 3: of investing more time, getting some more advice from like
50:36
Speaker 3: experts like financial advisors and things, and moving forward from there.
50:40
Speaker 1: Oh, I can help, I can help. I'm going to
50:42
Speaker 1: set you up with our money master class. I feel
50:44
Speaker 1: like I keep doing this on the show, but I'm like,
50:46
Speaker 1: not even a little bit sorry, But I'm going to
50:48
Speaker 1: set you up with our money masterclass, which I think
50:51
Speaker 1: is going to really help. If you said you have
50:52
Speaker 1: a PDF budget move over like that, mine is going
50:55
Speaker 1: to run rings around it. You're going to love it.
50:59
Speaker 1: It's also why aesthetically love that. But it's also got
51:02
Speaker 1: a heap of videos, so it will take you through
51:04
Speaker 1: like why you feel certain ways about money, how to
51:07
Speaker 1: get through that, what that looks like for you in
51:09
Speaker 1: the future, and also like why it's important to invest,
51:13
Speaker 1: you know, what insurance might look like, debt reduction, all
51:16
Speaker 1: of that fun stuff. I mean, you're probably across the
51:19
Speaker 1: debt reduction you don't need me for that, But the
51:21
Speaker 1: budgeting side of things I think I could really help with.
51:24
Speaker 1: So I'll set you up with that. But the rest
51:25
Speaker 1: of it, I mean, girl, you're seeing a financial advisor
51:28
Speaker 1: this week, Like you're going to be an A plus
51:30
Speaker 1: by Friday by the sound of it.
51:32
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness.
51:32
Speaker 1: I hope.
51:33
Speaker 3: So, I hope. So I'm excited to start making money
51:38
Speaker 3: work for us in like an investment way, not just
51:41
Speaker 3: reducing debt, not just paying deals. But like really making
51:44
Speaker 3: money work for us. I think that's my end goal.
51:47
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed with this whole story
51:50
Speaker 1: of you coming out the other side and just being
51:52
Speaker 1: so positive, like you've just got so much to share
51:56
Speaker 1: with the world, and like knowing that you've gone you're
51:59
Speaker 1: a mum, you have a seven or eight month old,
52:01
Speaker 1: and you are now working, and now you've been offered
52:04
Speaker 1: an eighty thousand dollars a year job, like you are
52:06
Speaker 1: going to be fine. We have to do like a
52:08
Speaker 1: she's on the money, where are they now? Like I
52:11
Speaker 1: need to do money dries and bybe I'll call you,
52:14
Speaker 1: I'll call you in a year, I'll call you in
52:15
Speaker 1: two years. We need to know updates because I'm just
52:19
Speaker 1: so excited for you, like the change.
52:22
Speaker 3: It's amazing. What's the date. We're in August, You're in
52:25
Speaker 3: August August next year. I'm excited.
52:28
Speaker 1: I'm excited. Let's do it. Let's do it all right, Sadly,
52:31
Speaker 1: that is all we have time for today. I have
52:33
Speaker 1: loved hearing your story. I have felt very privileged that
52:36
Speaker 1: you've trusted us with it and that you want to
52:39
Speaker 1: share it with the community, so that they can put
52:41
Speaker 1: themselves in better positions and really just understand what they're
52:44
Speaker 1: going through. I'm going to have a whole host of
52:47
Speaker 1: links in the show notes, so if anyone's going through
52:49
Speaker 1: something similar like you are, they are well supported and
52:52
Speaker 1: we can send you in the right direction. But Money Diarist,
52:55
Speaker 1: it has been a pleasure. I'm just so grateful that
52:57
Speaker 1: you want to share this with us, and I know
52:59
Speaker 1: our community is going to love this episode.
53:01
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to
53:04
Speaker 3: use this platform to help others. I'm just blessed. Thank
53:07
Speaker 3: you so much.
53:08
Speaker 1: You're an icon. You're an icon.
53:16
Speaker 4: The advice shared on She's on the Money is general
53:18
Speaker 4: in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's
53:22
Speaker 4: on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should
53:26
Speaker 4: not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision.
53:29
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53:32
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