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I'm not the same after baby...and that's okay · Mom Gone Mild

• 0:09
  Hey guys, welcome back to Mom Gone Mild.
• 0:12
  I'm Lex, your host, and if you have been following me now for
• 0:16
  the last 11 episodes, you guys know that I had a week last
• 0:21
  week. I was honestly having the
• 0:25
  toughest time, but we got through it.
• 0:28
  That's what matters. Now this week I feel so good.
• 0:32
  Week 1 update of 75 hard. By the way, I'm doing 75 hard.
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  This is my first week and if I am like super energetic I feel
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  like honestly like my brain is trying to wrap around the fact
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  that I'm really doing 75 hard. 2 workouts, 1 indoor, one outdoor,
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  a gallon of water. That is honestly the hardest
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  part of this whole thing. The reading.
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  I haven't really read since like Twilight.
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  So yeah, it's a little bit hard, but I'm getting used to it.
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  It's in a diet, which actually has been nice because I'm doing
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  the whole food, so it's just like nothing processed, which is
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  fine. Actually.
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  My gut, everything feels a lot better.
• 1:15
  I know my skin's going to clear up with all the water, but the
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  water is what I'm having a hard time with.
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  It's criminal. The amount of times I pee
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  honestly is a joke especially at night.
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  Last night I probably woke up maybe like 5 times.
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  I felt like every hour I did not get any sleep. 2 workouts a day.
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  Honestly, it's very doable. I, me and my husband, we do our
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  outdoor work out together with a baby.
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  We take the baby out on like by our house.
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  There's like a little hill, not little, it's a big hill.
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  So every day I've just been going up higher, higher, higher,
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  higher. And I feel like towards the end
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  of this week I will have climbed that whole mount or whole hill.
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  Like, I'm going to be super honest, I didn't work out before
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  pregnancy, didn't work out during pregnancy.
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  So this is pretty hard for me. But you know, choosing myself
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  daily feels really powerful. And just like that hill, I'm
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  going to conquer this 75 days. Let me enjoy this because before
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  40 days humbles me, I feel good. I feel energetic.
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  Like, yeah, I'm getting up. I'm doing everything that I'm
• 2:30
  supposed to. I'm taking my progress pictures.
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  I've lost 2 lbs. Is it water weight?
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  Probably. But let me be delusional here,
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  OK, OK, wait. I just want to know.
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  It's like this. I hire something that people
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  get. I signed up for two Pilates
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  classes. Mud run, guys, I've never ran in
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  my life. I definitely don't like mud.
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  And I know there's some obstacles.
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  So yeah, I might have been like a little bit too much going on,
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  but whatever, we're going to do it because I don't know if I'm
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  like manic or what's going on. Actually, I'm not.
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  I just feel like I'm, I feel like finally, for once, I just
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  feel really good, to be honest. So I just want to continue this.
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  And yeah, is this just like, momentum or is this what
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  feeling, you know, kind of like I was feeling really stuck for a
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  while. And for months I barely
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  functioned. And now I'm signing up for
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  athletic events. Like, who am I?
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  I've hyped this up publicly. I'm talking about people are
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  watching. I'm texting my friends like I'm
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  a freaking fitness guru. And yeah, but that's not me.
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  I know. I am literally just a mom that
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  is overweight and trying to be healthy for a kid.
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  Not even, I am just so scared of failing.
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  I don't want to fail, not even because of like everyone that
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  I've told, but because of of course, for myself and for my
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  family. I don't want to disappoint
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  anyone and I definitely don't want to disappoint myself again.
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  All right, so guys, let's get into this week's episode.
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  All right, so I'm six months postpartum.
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  Same spit up shirt. Yeah, you guys probably know.
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  I mean, like I say every week, this is about me.
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  And if you can relate, perfect. And if you can't, well, I'm
• 4:25
  really proud of you guys for stepping out of that and being
• 4:29
  able to, you know, push yourself out of postpartum depression.
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  But yeah, So I would wake up with my hair matted.
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  Nodded. No, I literally thought of
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  shaving it off because it got really bad, guys.
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  It got really bad to the point where we're talking maybe a week
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  of no hair brushing. I was pretending I was OK.
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  I was lying to make others feel comfortable.
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  I didn't talk about it because I didn't want people to view me
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  differently. To be honest, I, I just felt
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  like stuck and I'm just going to get emotional because I feel
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  like I can finally see the light to the end of the tunnel and it
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  feels so good. But yeah, when I finally talked
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  about it, I could breathe. I literally felt like I was
• 5:22
  choking, like I was drowning in this kind of depression where
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  it's like nothing helped. Even like handing off the baby.
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  I just felt so alone. I just felt like, I'm going to
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  be honest, like I felt like maybe I couldn't do this.
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  So I do feel like I had like an identity switch because
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  realizing I'm not the same woman I was before baby.
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  Yeah, that was hard. I feel like, do we ever really
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  go back? Maybe we're looking for
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  something that's gone. I was looking and thinking, hey,
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  you know, I'm not who I was. Even when I was out having like,
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  spending some time with my friends or when I was out with
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  my husband, I just felt like a loneliness and like emptiness
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  and I just felt like maybe I should be home.
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  I don't know why I'm out, but to be honest, maybe we're not meant
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  to go back. Maybe we're meant to rebuild.
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  And by rebuilding, I mean like a kinder version of yourself, more
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  patient, more grace. I was trying to hold on to the
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  old me instead of accepting who I'm becoming.
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  I love, love being a mom. This has everything to do with
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  myself and my self esteem. And you know, that's just the
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  card that I got dealt and that's the card that I am going to just
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  work on. There's nothing else that I
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  can't do. And this is not me like venting
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  every week. But this is honestly, I feel
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  like I have overcome something really hard.
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  And you know, like in the seven months I've done a lot of work
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  on myself, I've just, that's all you can do, right, Is work on
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  yourself. But I've always, this is another
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  thing that I feel like kind of coincides with both things.
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  So I've always been a yes girl, a people pleaser.
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  Yes, when I'm exhausted, yes when I wanted to say no.
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  And it literally guys, it helps no one to be a people pleaser.
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  You just made like it just made me resentful, uncomfortable
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  saying no honestly felt so selfish.
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  It's prioritizing you know others instead of yourself.
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  And honestly I started asking myself do I want this or am I
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  people pleasing Started asking myself that.
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  I kind of took a step back and I realized how unhappy I was being
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  because I always just want to pretend that I'm someone else.
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  Not, like, pretend, but like, pretend like I'm happy.
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  And I'm just like, yes, I'll do this.
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  Yes, Sir. It's just, it's a no, guys.
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  Like, if you don't feel comfortable doing something,
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  just say no, It's fine. It's not selfish.
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  You're prioritizing yourself, and that's OK.
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  Which leads me into something I never even knew existed.
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  I mean, I heard, like, a lot of my friends talk about it.
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  Mom guilt. Yeah, so this is me all day with
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  the baby. I am like, so I have a
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  confession. I quit my job.
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  So right now I'm like in the kind of in between.
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  I don't know if I can like stay home with the baby or if I, you
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  know, get a part time. I have a little bit of time to
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  think about it. So I'm kind of like in the
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  between. So right now I'm like more of a
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  stay at home mom and with him all all day long, all night
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  long. Of course, you know, his dad
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  does, you know, take a little shift.
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  But even that it's like I'm still exhausted.
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  You know, when I'm not with him, I still think about him.
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  And yeah, I'm just overstimulated, touched out.
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  I want to go to bed early because my husband works too.
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  And I just feel so bad because this is a good example.
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  Last night he's like, go to bed early.
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  And then I felt bad because I'm like, you worked all day.
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  But you know what, sometimes to not blow up, you need to
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  prioritize yourself and take time for yourself.
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  You know what I did? I literally went in the room,
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  read and fell asleep. Was it the best sleep?
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  No. But you know what?
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  I came back and I just felt like, OK, I had my time.
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  I feel a lot better. And today is a new day and
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  that's literally all you can do. You can't think about the, you
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  know, the past day, You can't dwell on it.
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  You just have to move on and just be there.
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  I want to be a present mom. And yeah, but moms hit a
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  breaking point. Guys.
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  I now I look to all my friends and I'm like, Dang, you guys are
• 10:14
  freaking super women. Like, I don't know how you guys
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  like my best friend, she has three kids.
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  I'm like, girl, I applaud you because.
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  And she's super fit and I'm like, how the hell does this
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  girl do it? She looks amazing.
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  She looks super tone. She's my little inspo.
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  But yeah, so you know, I just, I honestly, I'm like, Dang, I
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  applaud you, girl. Like you do it.
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  You do it every day. And it's just so motivating to
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  see other women like that. I hope that this resonates with
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  some people. I know that, you know,
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  postpartum depression won't go away just because you say it's
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  going to go away. You have to work through it.
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  You have to. You know, there's things that I
• 10:57
  have done throughout my day that like make me feel better.
• 11:03
  Take the break. The baby will be OK, You will
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  come back better, I promise you. Literally last night I was
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  having another meltdown and it's so funny because I feel like I
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  always talk to you guys and I'm like, I had a meltdown.
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  I had a meltdown. But honestly it's freaking hard.
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  Like I, I don't know. We are just going day by day
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  here. This is what I do to kind of
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  like reset daily and I just feel like it's really been helping
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  out. And guys, I'm not a pro.
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  I am not like a psychiatrist. I'm just going off of what I
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  have, you know, gone through and my personal experiences.
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  So one step outside. If it's just 10 to 15 minutes, I
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  promise you you'll feel better. Get that sun in your face, get
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  that fresh air. Just walk around your patio,
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  walk around your backyard, whatever you have, take some
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  time for yourself. 2 Do one thing for you, whether it's
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  shower your hair curly, your hair straight, your you want to
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  take a bath at night, go for it. Something as simple as putting
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  on your lip gloss helps because you know what you're trying to
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  do something to make yourself feel better.
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  Am I saying put on a full glam? I don't have time for that.
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  Probably only put on makeup when I'm like, filming.
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  Besides that I got the dark circles.
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  But you know what? I do something every day and
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  that has made me feel so good. Small wins, Build momentum.
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  Check on your mom, friends, guys, social media, lies, simple
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  text matters. Hey, how are you?
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  Like, do we have to have a phone conversation?
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  No, because most of the times, I'm going to be honest, moms
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  forget that they even open the text.
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  I know I do that all the time. Like I'll think in my head like,
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  yeah, I replied and didn't. But guys, this is also not just
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  for moms. This is for your friends.
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  Maybe like they're posting a lot of things and deep down, you
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  know, you don't know what they're feeling.
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  So just check up on them. You never know.
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  I don't know if you guys follow me on Instagram, but I have told
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  you guys many times follow me because I am so active on there
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  now. I'm super proud of myself and
• 13:25
  yeah, so just follow me on mom gone mild under score podcast on
• 13:29
  Instagram. Last week.
• 13:31
  I asked kind of like my followers, what are some
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  questions that you guys want me to answer on the podcast?
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  And some of you guys wrote to me, which makes me so excited
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  because sometimes I'm like, is anyone even listening to what
• 13:46
  the hell I'm saying? But I know some of you guys are
• 13:48
  and I freaking love you guys. So all right, so here are some
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  of the questions that I have heard from you guys.
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  Hardest part of 75 Heart Water because why do I sometimes it's
• 14:05
  like OK, it's only been like a few days right?
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  But honestly I saved my water till the last thing.
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  Everything is like boom boom boom boom boom water.
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  And it's like at the end I feel like I'm freaking drowning.
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  I don't infuse it with anything. I drink it all day and it's just
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  like by the end it's just like, oh, and OK, this is another
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  question. Boundary.
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  I'm working on probably saying no when I feel like it and
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  setting up boundaries. This is how you know it's just
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  going to be, to be honest. Like that's the boundaries.
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  Like I'm just setting up realistic ones.
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  Am I being mean? No, because I love the people in
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  my life. I want to keep them around, but
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  I also have to, you know, keep my family safe, prioritize me
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  and them. Another question, what does
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  healing look like? Healing looks different for
• 15:03
  everyone can be like you look good on Instagram.
• 15:06
  You, you know, you go out, you make that money, honey.
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  And for me, honestly, healing is a shower before noon.
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  And with that being said, I just want to close this episode and
• 15:18
  let you guys know that if you feel like you've been
• 15:21
  pretending, you're not selfish for choosing yourself.
• 15:24
  You're evolving guys. We're all evolving every day
• 15:28
  that makes me so excited to have this platform where I hope you
• 15:31
  guys feel safe and my DMS are always open at mom gone mild
• 15:35
  under score podcast on Instagram Wellness giveaway.
• 15:39
  We're giving away Sony headphones and a hydro jug.
• 15:42
  Please please please enter. I would love to give you guys
• 15:45
  something as a thank you as always love you guys.