Latest / Fierce Encouragement / You’re Not Broken, You’re Distracted: Waking Up From Auto-Pilot

Transcript

You’re Not Broken, You’re Distracted: Waking Up From Auto-Pilot · Fierce Encouragement

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Hey there.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: This is Mark.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: And this is Fierce Encouragement.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm trying something new.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm jumping on video and getting this on my YouTube, but I'm also releasing the audio on the Fierce Encouragement podcast.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: So if you've never seen me before, it's wonderful that you're here.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope you get some value from this.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: I guess I wanted to be honest and real with you for a second.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: You're not broken, and you don't need another planner or another app or another seven-step system to fix your life.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: You just need to wake the hell up.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I say that with love.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: I say that with fierce encouragement, even.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because honestly, hey, I know what it feels like to be moving really fast, but kind of like not sensing anything in your life.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: It feels like you're almost like living a couple inches outside of your body, outside of your life, if you will.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's even kind of being disconnected from your authentic self or your real life.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: And my tendency, and maybe you can empathize with this, is going towards scrolling, uh Doom scrolling, or maybe even checking out instead of checking in with ourselves and our life.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's even past that where we try to hit every darn deadline and we deliver on those big projects, but we still feel lost.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: We still feel alone.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe we perform at a really high level at our work and in our tasks, but no one really cares.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: They're glad you got it done, but it's almost like they take it for themselves and run along.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: I've felt that as an IT product owner working in high-stakes environments.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: And it's kind of assumed by your manager and your coworkers, or even your partner, your family, that you're okay.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Again, your coworkers, your family, even the leaders that might surround you, they think you're okay.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: And we do good do a good job of kind of keeping it under the surface.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: And even to ourselves in so many ways, we we don't feel it.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: We don't feel it.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: We don't feel like we really care.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: We don't feel connected in our skin.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe we avoid showing that frustration, that emotion.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Or we fear being honest and brave in our roles, in our jobs, because we fear losing that salary, losing that role, losing that assurance.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: And again, we look fine on the outside, but our soul, that light, that younger version of ourself that was inspired, it just fades away.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I wanted to spend this episode talking about and sharing how we can wake the hell up from that, how we can wake up from that sleep and kind of selling our genius just by following instructions in our lives.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, if you're still here listening, if your ears and your eyes and your body and your nervous system are still sitting and listening, then you're you're ready.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: You are ready to kind of transition and think about uh a core part of this story that I wanted to share.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: Two or three weeks ago, I was lucky enough to go on retreat.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Excuse me, and uh you'll understand why I'm clear in my throat, and maybe you listen to my last episode, but I was lucky enough to go on a seven-day meditation retreat with my meditation group and my meditation teacher.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I've done uh many of these over the years, over the last 10 years.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: I came back from the trip uh almost like cracked open from the teachings and from being near my spiritual friends and some of this the amazing moments and hours we had on the cushion.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: It was like opened up in all in all the right ways.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then with a couple delayed flights and a canceled flight, um, on the way back, taking a red eye back, I immediately kind of got smashed by a pretty bad sinus infection for another week after I got back.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, just pounding headaches.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sure I'm not alone on that, just getting ill, just terrible, crappy sleep, couldn't breathe.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Then I started to feel a little bit better for a day or two, and then I just crashed right back down and the fever overtook and just unable to sleep.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: And just the, you know, you never realize how close your sinuses are to your brain until you kind of get into that zone.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: You know, missing work uh felt like a failure.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, felt like I was letting everybody down, including my family and myself, you know, about 10 days flat on my back.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, about eight days into that, uh, I decided to get some antibiotics because my natural way wasn't working.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: And there was really no escaping um that feeling of not being productive, of not planning out my day or planning out my week, or fixing, helping people fix problems, or even getting uh some of these tasks done, getting my podcast out, connecting with people that I have been connecting with.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: There is no running away from that.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: So just flat on my back and unable to move or fix or plan.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: And it all came kind of crashing back down into my brain after retreat.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: How noisy and how fractured my attention and my mind can still be.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: How illness will almost strip us bare and show us all the raw parts of us frustration, sadness, fear.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: And even thinking about it, it was good to have it after meditation retreat because it reminded me of the impermanence of the moments that we're in, moment to moment, but also of our lives and our health.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: I take so much for granted aging and growing older, obviously, over the last 50 years of my life.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's a reminder that this is impermanent, and this will someday come to an end.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: And in some ways, that's a release, and in others, it kind of brings up that fear and that frustration.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: But it's also that appreciation and gratitude for simple things like uh a nice walk in the fall air and seeing the colors change on the leaves, even just a nice ability to go to sleep and breathe through one nostril at least.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: But again, the mind is noisy, the mind is hectic.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: And even after 5,000 plus hours of meditation, of going to over 10 meditation retreats over the past 10, 15 years, again, numerous retreats, uh, tons of methodology of practice, great Dharma teachings from my teacher, Dharma books, um, amazing private teachings that I've been privileged enough to hear from my teacher, still can be a struggle.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: And even as a coach and someone who teaches and supports people in their awareness practice and their meditation practice, every week, I can still default or come back to those ways of, oh, I need to solve this, I need to strategize, I need to almost overthink and overdo it, conceptualizing, wishing, wanting, holding on.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: But honestly, in the quieter moments during my illness and in those reflective moments, again, really unable to even watch TV and watch many movies, just with the lights and the headaches.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: And almost like I felt my body and my consciousness just give up the fight.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: Sitting by the fireplace with a blanket on, and you know, a cold pack on my sinuses and taking my medicine.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: I really got serious about even practicing in my illness, pausing and being present when I was struggling just to breathe or just to be with the pain, you know, the throbbing pain and the difficulty.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: And when I did that and practiced for longer moments and just stayed with it, I started to hear something that was uh more subtle and deeper and kind of past just the gross mind that just like you know, shouts back at us that that language that can come out.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: When I slowed down, I started to hear something very deep and very subtle, uh something wise, um, that empty place or that spacious place in us.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um that kind of is beyond that need to figure things out.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: It was a part of me that was not telling me to do anything.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: It was not telling me to do anything, and it takes trust to go there, and almost like the illness opened that up to me.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: This part of me was whispering when I was in those quiet moments.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Just feel this.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Be here.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Again, the anger would come back up, the frustration, that gross inner dialogue that fills our mind.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: But that voice, that whispered voice, if I quieted down a little bit and stayed with a couple breaths, if I could breathe, maybe through the mouth, but it said it again and again and again, even though there were snot pouring out of me and my head was pounding.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: Just stay, be here, feel this.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: And really, these moments started to stretch into longer moments, and they were beautiful in the way because it's something I've known.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's something I felt on retreats through the years.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's something that I'm very familiar with, but it's easy when our health and when things are smooth, just to walk right past it.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Almost like that beggar on the street, that part of us that's wishing that we would slow down and just notice.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: I think in my health struggles, be they really small compared to a lot of people, even some friends of mine that are going through things, in that struggle for me was that realization that there's a chance to practice.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: Even if we're ill, there's a chance to slow down.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: We can practice with that sadness we have at a loss.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: We can practice just for a little bit with that tiredness that we might be experiencing in our day or in our week.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: We can practice in those crucial, difficult conversations at work, and we can be present and kind of practice awareness and presence in that moment in illness.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: And again, it doesn't mean we, you know, it feels good.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: But when we stay and breathe, if we can, and we just stop performing and let go of needing to anything in that moment.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to share a story that comes from the Awareness Lab, which is a place that I run online virtually.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: We have live lab sessions where we go deep into methods of meditation and encouraging you on meditation and setting up the view and the ways we should approach meditation and even busting down some of those myths and some of the I guess over-strategizing or planning that we can do with meditation.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're watching this uh because meditation is being talked about, um, and that's great, but it's easy to get overwhelmed.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: Fifteen years into my meditation journey, it's the most beautiful thing, and the best thing that I've learned from my teacher, is to be simple.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Meditation need not have a bunch of books or, you know, a 10-day plan or anything like that.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: If those things serve you, great, if they help you.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: But somebody from my awareness lab, one of the guys that joined the lab and that has been with me for the last few months, said something during our live session that really hit me in the chest.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: And it's something I wrote down and I wanted to share with you.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, he said here, he said, I'm starting to realize I've outsourced my self-worth to how productive I feel.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: Outsourced my self-worth to how productive I feel.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: And really, it even now just reading that, some goosebumps come on.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's amazing because we just sat in silence for a few seconds.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, damn.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's that's the pool or that's the soup we're all serving ourselves, right?
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: We're all swimming in this hyperproductivity culture, you know, and our our culture again and again from the moment we show up in our lives, it's teaching us to measure our value by how uh how much output or productivity or hustle that we have.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: How is your role?
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: Are you showing up as a good student or a good parent or a good, you know, worker?
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: Our performance is tied to our value, right?
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: And in in the really the power that we have, the deeper intrinsic truth, our freedom, our inherent freedom doesn't come from doing more and hustling more and being something to somebody.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: It might be those moments where we pause and see our grief when we're present with our loss, when we acknowledge we might be living just outside our life, like I said at the beginning.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: When we might be sick and challenged, and maybe just frustrated.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: What if the power that you have comes from pausing and not just being productive?
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: Now that voice might be popping in your head right now, and and thank you for still hanging around if you are and you still have this.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I just want to acknowledge it because it's natural.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, this guy's full of shit.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: Uh pausing doesn't pay the bills, damn it.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I hear you, you're totally right.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not advocating giving up and saying to stop all the time, but I am asking, what is the power of pausing for you?
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: What if you could in this moment just ask yourself, could you be happy right now, listening with me or listening to this or watching?
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: What would it take for you to be happy and present and here in this moment?
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: Not another planning session or performance or weekly aspiration journal or whatever.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: But just happy right now.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, one of the more powerful, simple, and quickly applicable tools that I work with nearly every client that I connect with, and there's some people that resist it.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: And even then, it's still a tool if you put into play, it can change your life.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: So, one of the more simple, powerful tools that we can do is just that three-breath pause.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: So, write with me now.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: Just pause.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to breathe in.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to feel your body for a moment.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: Not your thoughts and thinking, but feel your body.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: Breathe out.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: And while you're doing that, name anything that's in your body.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: Name what's here tension, shame, grief, or calm.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then as you breathe in another time, just say to yourself, stay.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: Stay with it, stay with yourself.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need a meditation cushion.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to go on a seven-day or ten-day retreat.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need uh, you know, some wacky incense or a candle.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you don't even need 20 minutes.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to perform.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: You just need about six seconds and an open heart and a willingness to stop pretending and get really real with yourself.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: And here's kind of like a deeper challenge if you're inspired by this.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, that six seconds and that very powerful three-breath pause is amazing.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: But here's a deeper, more bold challenge.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: Can you give yourself 1% of your day?
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: Literally, can you stop screwing around, commit the commit yourself to waking up and give yourself that 14 minutes and 24 seconds of your day to yourself?
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it's really all we need to start rewiring our brains and our nervous system and our self-talk, our inner leadership.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: That one percent is your invitation from me to you.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about perfection, it's not about performance, but just presence, just awareness.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, here's something I did not expect when I created the awareness lab: how powerful uh a community online could become.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because this isn't just a meditation serious uh group.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's more like a mirror.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's more like a mirror because when one person shares their experience or their truth, uh maybe their rage or their numbness or their addiction or their disconnection, everyone exhales.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone has a literal exhale because we start to realize we're not alone.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not alone.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: I never was, you never were.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: And when that something happens, when you kind of feel witnessed like that, nobody's fixing you.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody's coaching you to push through something, but just presence, just witnessing and just that humanity and coming back.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what we're building in the awareness lab.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I want you to feel.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to tell you something else.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I've seen this over and over again in my clients, especially in groups and leaders, and even parents and creative people that I've had the privilege of connecting with over the past few years.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: Most people stop too soon.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: Shit.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I've even struggled with this, right?
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: And it isn't because we're weak, but I think it's because no one ever showed us or encouraged us as to what's possible when we kind of go one layer deeper.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: Most people stop at that first wave of discomfort that might be coming up physically.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: They might stop at that first awkward breath, or when that internal voice starts to say something like, hey, this isn't working.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: What's the sensation?
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: And really, like those of us that make the effort to keep going forward, those of us that pause and slow down and really take that time to ask ourselves, what is this sensation?
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um when we make effort to pause instead of panic, right?
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: And run.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: Those people who listen, instead of, you know, automatically going to the phone and scrolling because they feel some anxiety or some you know energy.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: This is where the deeper transformation happens.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's not hard to go deeper.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: It isn't.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's more rare.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's a revolution.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of like that internal revolution.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: When we put the phone down, when we turn off the screens, when we pause, when we just sit quietly and breathe.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: We name those feelings that come up and we just sit with the next few breaths.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because in a in a big way, um, the crowd thins out when we go that extra mile.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_00: People fall off.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: And in some way, it kind of gets easier when we do that.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I guess I want to say that out loud.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to expect the exceptional in your life.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: Expect the exceptional.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: Where are you holding back?
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: When you start to move towards expecting the exceptional in your life, when you when that starts to happen, you challenge yourself, you stop competing against anyone, and you start leading.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because we don't need to be better than anybody else.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: I know that's what we're fed all the time.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: We just need to kind of go further than our old habits.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: We need to stretch ourselves a little bit.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: We need to build on those habits that are positive, those positive addictions, if you will.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we start to practice there, we start to grow.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: People start to ask us, what have you been up to?
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: You're changing.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: We get outside of our comfort zone and we start to grow.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because really, and to close up here, you aren't broken, you're you're not lazy.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: I think you might just be a little bit distracted, maybe over-stimulated and undernourished, um, undernourished on who you are as that exceptional version of yourself.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: Again, not some toxic, overproductive BS, but kind of who you are at your core.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: And really, this can shift.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: It can shift in one day.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it won't be about perfection, but more about honesty and being straightforward.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: If something shifted and stirred in you today, I'd love to invite you to come join me for a free webinar.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm hosting about a month from now, the first week of December.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: So during that webinar, I will walk you through some of the tools we use in the awareness lab.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_00: We'll pause together, we'll train a little bit together, we'll have some QA.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: And if it speaks to you, I can show you how to join the Awareness Lab on a month-to-month subscription at a really reasonable price, or even go a little deeper with an eight-week course I'm creating from my first 20 20 weeks or so with my awareness lab group and as a leader.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: And this really is a movement.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is not a marketing plan.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's a community, not a gimmick.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: And this is really your life.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: Your mind and your life are on the line.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's not some bullshit funnel that I want to pull you into.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's real, it's authentic.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_00: Let's wake up together.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: Let's return the value on that mind.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: When you train that mind, the exponential growth that you have in your work and your relationships in your life, it's almost ineffable and unexpressible.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_00: Take it from me, 15 plus years of practice, and I'd offer this: that it is the most essential skill anyone can develop to shift their life and shift their mind and create a life that's almost unrecognizable with just that 1% um commitment.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: So join us.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_00: Check out the link in the show notes or go to markwalkercoach.com.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_00: I will put a link in there as I get my landing page created.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but yeah, check it out.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to have you.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I really appreciate you spending this time with me.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: It went a little longer than I wanted to today.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: This is my first live video over not live, but here's my first recorded video.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: So I appreciate you checking it out.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: Let me know how it lands.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: Leave me a comment, reach out and join me at my webinar.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, it's free.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to connect with you in person.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: But past that, I appreciate you listening.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: I hope wherever you're at, You have an aware and awakened mind and you enjoy your day, you enjoy your evening.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I will catch you next time on Fierce Encouragement.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: Take care of yourself.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: Bye-bye.