Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #271| How To Help Your Anxious Teen When You're Already Overwhelmed And Have No Idea What To Say

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#271| How To Help Your Anxious Teen When You're Already Overwhelmed And Have No Idea What To Say · Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing

0:00
Michelle Gauthier: In this episode, you'll learn how to help your anxious teen when you're already overwhelmed yourself.
0:05
Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
0:17
Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
0:22
Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences.
0:27
Michelle Gauthier: And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.
0:34
Michelle Gauthier: Hi, friend.
0:39
Michelle Gauthier: Thanks for joining today.
0:41
Michelle Gauthier: If you've got a teen or young adult in your life who's anxious or overwhelmed and you have no idea how to help them, today's episode is going to be great for you.
0:50
Michelle Gauthier: And if your kids are still little or you don't have kids at all, stay with me anyway because this conversation isn't only about teenagers.
0:58
Michelle Gauthier: It's about how anyone can get themselves out of a stress spiral, and these tools are just as useful for adults as they are for a 13-year-old.
1:06
Michelle Gauthier: My guest today is Laura Olinger.
1:08
Michelle Gauthier: She is a National Aboard certified health and wellness coach, and she specializes in working with teens and young adults and their parents.
1:16
Michelle Gauthier: Laura got into this work after watching her own daughter struggle with anxiety at a young age and a devastating family loss.
1:23
Michelle Gauthier: Her 20-year-old nephew took his own life, and that really clarified exactly what she wanted to do with her career.
1:30
Michelle Gauthier: When you listen today, you'll learn a simple tool that Laura calls attitude breathing that helps you shift out of stress and into calm in just a few minutes.
1:40
Michelle Gauthier: Why the pause is the first step in better emotional regulation for teens and adults, and the real difference between coaching and therapy and how to know which one you or your child might need.
1:51
Michelle Gauthier: So thank you, Laura, so much for being here with us today.
1:54
Michelle Gauthier: I'm excited to have you.
1:55
Laura Ollinger: Yeah, I'm so excited to be here.
1:58
Michelle Gauthier: I was really motivated to find someone to talk to who really specializes in teens and young adults because when I work with a mom and we do this work together, she always wants to find someone to help their child or children do the same.
2:11
Michelle Gauthier: So I'm so glad to have come across you as an expert in this area.
2:14
Michelle Gauthier: And funny enough, we knew each other way back in the day in high school.
2:18
Michelle Gauthier: So tell us a little bit about why you were interested in working with teens and young adults and moms too.
2:25
Michelle Gauthier: How did you get into this line of work?
2:28
Laura Ollinger: Yeah, thanks.
2:28
Laura Ollinger: Initially, all these stars aligned where in elementary school my daughter was having a lot of anxiety, and I did not know how to help her.
2:36
Laura Ollinger: And I'm trying to get her on medication and bring her to the pediatrician.
2:41
Laura Ollinger: But I knew there had to be other ways to deal with it.
2:44
Laura Ollinger: And she was very averse to therapy, did not want to go to therapy.
2:47
Laura Ollinger: It was just she felt like there was something wrong with her.
2:49
Laura Ollinger: And so in that path, I learned about what coaching was.
2:53
Laura Ollinger: I had never even heard of it.
2:54
Laura Ollinger: I know who Tony Robbins is.
2:56
Laura Ollinger: He's the first coach.
2:57
Laura Ollinger: Yeah.
2:58
Laura Ollinger: But I never connected the dots.
2:59
Laura Ollinger: That's a career that someone could build and develop.
3:02
Laura Ollinger: And so I went back to school and got multiple certifications.
3:05
Laura Ollinger: I'm a national board certified health and wellness coach and a life coach and all these things.
3:10
Laura Ollinger: I just keep going because it just I feel like it deepens my knowledge and I can help my clients more in different ways.
3:16
Laura Ollinger: And so during that time when I was building this out in my mind and in my education, we had a terrible tragedy in my family, which is my nephew, who was 20 years old, took his own life.
3:28
Laura Ollinger: And so that was just the most obviously shocking and tragic thing anyone can imagine, but it really clarified for me what I wanted to do.
3:37
Laura Ollinger: By that time, then my daughter was 13.
3:39
Laura Ollinger: Her anxiety was really bad.
3:41
Laura Ollinger: And I thought, oh my gosh, I am just gonna focus on teenagers.
3:44
Laura Ollinger: I started out doing that knowing that there was a piece missing.
3:48
Laura Ollinger: So early on, I started including the parents in on the coaching, which is very uncommon and you don't see that a lot.
3:54
Laura Ollinger: And it differs from therapy because typically, if you take your child to a therapist, they go in, they come out, you have no idea what they talked about or what happened.
4:02
Laura Ollinger: That being said, all my sessions are confidential with my individual team clients.
4:07
Laura Ollinger: And I open the door for conversation, discussion because they live with their parents.
4:12
Laura Ollinger: Their parents live with them, they're with them all week.
4:14
Laura Ollinger: I only see them for an hour.
4:15
Laura Ollinger: And the idea is that if I'm gonna have the maximum effect and maximum input on their lives, that their parents need to learn the tools and the skills that they're learning so that they can support them and they can do them together and make it a new culture and a new way of life.
4:30
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, that's a very interesting and cool approach.
4:32
Michelle Gauthier: And also, I'm so sorry to hear about your nephew, 20 years old, that's so young.
4:37
Michelle Gauthier: Yes, thank you for saying that.
4:38
Michelle Gauthier: How tragic.
4:39
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so I love your approach.
4:42
Michelle Gauthier: I love that you include the parents because a lot of times, as a mom of two teens, I know you're a mom of four teens, sometimes it feels like we're very outside them and it's hard to understand them.
4:52
Michelle Gauthier: And I think it's hard for them to understand us.
4:54
Michelle Gauthier: So I love that you're taking both sides of that equation.
4:57
Michelle Gauthier: And I also love that the things that you're teaching, and maybe we're like a generation that's stuck in the middle because what it was like to be a teen when we were teens, it feels completely different now.
5:08
Michelle Gauthier: I don't have any idea the pressure that they're under.
5:11
Michelle Gauthier: I can intellectually understand it, but in your opinion, what are you seeing that young adults in teens are feeling really stressed about these days?
5:20
Laura Ollinger: Oh, yeah.
5:21
Laura Ollinger: Let's just go through the list.
5:22
Laura Ollinger: It's so it's academics, pressure to perform academically.
5:25
Laura Ollinger: It's the extracurriculars, the bright sports team or the right instrument or the right part in the play.
5:29
Laura Ollinger: It's social, are there physical appearance?
5:32
Laura Ollinger: Do I look good enough?
5:33
Laura Ollinger: Do I feel like I fit in?
5:34
Laura Ollinger: Do I have the right clothes?
5:35
Laura Ollinger: All those things.
5:36
Laura Ollinger: Social pressure, just am I in the right groups?
5:38
Laura Ollinger: Do I feel connected?
5:39
Laura Ollinger: Do I matter?
5:40
Laura Ollinger: Do I belong?
5:41
Laura Ollinger: And then you amplify that with what is my future?
5:44
Laura Ollinger: Where am I going?
5:45
Laura Ollinger: What is gonna happen?
5:46
Laura Ollinger: So those are the five things.
5:47
Laura Ollinger: But then I meant to say the amplification is really the social media.
5:51
Laura Ollinger: So take those five things, but then put it under a microscope where everybody can see, and then you get this kind of like ultimate disaster, like this perfect storm of events where they're having all these pressures.
6:03
Laura Ollinger: And there's also, if you've noticed, the way our society is now so competitive, right?
6:08
Laura Ollinger: It's different.
6:08
Laura Ollinger: Like when you and I were in high school together, we would try out for a team and maybe we make it, maybe we don't, right?
6:15
Laura Ollinger: And no big deal, you move on, or maybe you're sad.
6:17
Laura Ollinger: I know I was sad when I didn't make the cheerleading squad my first freshman year, but now everybody's getting private coaches or private tutoring.
6:24
Laura Ollinger: It's just the idea that parents are putting so much pressure also on their kids to perform.
6:30
Laura Ollinger: And it's like then if you're the only one who doesn't subscribe to that mentality, then your kid is behind.
6:35
Laura Ollinger: So in some sense, you're forced to participate in this society where then we're traveling to other states for sports tournaments over the weekends and spending thousands of dollars.
6:46
Laura Ollinger: And it just everything is just revved up and amped up.
6:49
Michelle Gauthier: Yes, that is exactly the thing that I was trying to put my finger on.
6:52
Michelle Gauthier: My daughter just decided to try wrestling this winter, and she really liked it.
6:57
Michelle Gauthier: And she's mom, if I really want to wrestle at a D1 college school, I need to.
7:02
Michelle Gauthier: And I was like, What?
7:03
Michelle Gauthier: I'm fully supportive.
7:04
Michelle Gauthier: That's something that you think you want to do, but just the pressure of like you have to figure that out right now.
7:08
Michelle Gauthier: And even playing high school sports, my kids both did sports.
7:12
Michelle Gauthier: I'm sure this is the same for every other club and drama and cheerleading and all those things too.
7:18
Michelle Gauthier: But if you haven't been playing club soccer since the time you were 10, there's no way you're gonna make the high school team anymore.
7:24
Michelle Gauthier: And I can't imagine how much pressure that puts on them.
7:27
Michelle Gauthier: But at the same time, I feel like we mirror that as adults too.
7:31
Michelle Gauthier: If we went through each one of those categories, just our alt version of getting ahead at work instead of what we have to study and all those things.
7:38
Michelle Gauthier: We too are under a lot of those same pressures.
7:41
Michelle Gauthier: So I like that you're teaching this to teens that they can carry it with them for their whole life and along the way, their parents can learn these skills because I think what you're talking about can really be applied to anyone, any kid, any adult, whether they're a parent or not.
7:54
Laura Ollinger: Yes, yeah.
7:55
Laura Ollinger: It's so true.
7:56
Laura Ollinger: I was actually just giving a presentation the other day at my kids' high school, and I was explaining that this idea can last forever.
8:03
Laura Ollinger: I said, I know some people in their 80s who are still trying to feel like they're not as literally, because by that time there are some other challenges, but who are still trying to feel like they're enough, like they fit, like they belong, like they're acceptable, like they're well known.
8:17
Laura Ollinger: People want recognition in a way, and they want to be known for putting their name on something or contributing to something.
8:23
Laura Ollinger: It kind of never ends.
8:24
Laura Ollinger: My philosophy is just to take a step back from that and see what is this really getting me?
8:30
Laura Ollinger: What does this really mean?
8:31
Laura Ollinger: And do I really need to subscribe to the same thought process that the rest of our society does?
8:37
Michelle Gauthier: Quote unquote, everybody else is doing.
8:38
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so what are some of your favorite tools or one of your favorite things that you see makes a big impact when you teach it to your clients?
8:46
Laura Ollinger: I'm trained through the HeartMath Institute in stress, anxiety, and self-regulation.
8:51
Laura Ollinger: It's a clinical certification that helps clients work on their heart-brain coherence.
8:56
Laura Ollinger: So that's emotional regulation.
8:57
Laura Ollinger: It's the idea that our brains and our bodies are connected.
9:00
Laura Ollinger: They're not separate things.
9:01
Laura Ollinger: The way we think, oh, mental health is this and physical health is this, when really they 100% overlap.
9:08
Laura Ollinger: We're embodied beings where everything is connected.
9:10
Laura Ollinger: And so your thoughts can influence how your body feels, but your body can also influence your thoughts.
9:16
Laura Ollinger: I use a tool called attitude breathing with my clients.
9:19
Laura Ollinger: And the way we set this up is first to identify the unwanted attitude.
9:23
Laura Ollinger: So that could be stress, overwhelm, anxiety.
9:26
Laura Ollinger: An attitude is more than just a feeling.
9:28
Laura Ollinger: An attitude is something that's happening repetitively, day after day, where that's just your chronic state of being.
9:35
Laura Ollinger: So if you're chronically stressed or chronically anxious, then this is not a diagnosable anxiety disorder.
9:41
Laura Ollinger: This is not a treatment for that.
9:42
Laura Ollinger: There are these diagnosable disorders, which is one side, and then there's where most of us fall, which is somewhere in the middle.
9:49
Laura Ollinger: But then there's also this other, the positive side, which is really, if you think about it, that's what we want to shoot for, but we want to reframe that.
9:56
Laura Ollinger: Whenever I talk to my clients, the first thing I usually ask is, what do you hope to get out of our coaching together?
10:02
Laura Ollinger: And they're like, I don't want to be insecure.
10:04
Laura Ollinger: I don't want to be stressed.
10:04
Laura Ollinger: And they say what they don't want.
10:06
Laura Ollinger: And I'm like, let's think, what do you want?
10:08
Laura Ollinger: When we get to the idea of what they do want, they always want to feel calm and they always want to feel confident.
10:12
Laura Ollinger: They just want to feel good about who they are.
10:14
Laura Ollinger: And so that's where we go onto this positive side of this wellness spectrum.
10:19
Laura Ollinger: Most of the time, people don't think of, oh, I could shoot for that target.
10:22
Laura Ollinger: If you think of almost like a clock and the left side is stress, anxiety, overwhelm, it could be anger, it could be depression.
10:30
Laura Ollinger: And the right side is positive love, connection, appreciation, excitement, all these positive emotions.
10:36
Laura Ollinger: I literally have my clients pick a target.
10:38
Laura Ollinger: Like, where do you want to be?
10:40
Laura Ollinger: So again, we identify the unwanted attitude, say it's stress.
10:44
Laura Ollinger: We replace it with a wanted, a desired attitude, which could be calm.
10:48
Laura Ollinger: And then we do a simple breathing technique.
10:50
Laura Ollinger: So, like I said, it's called attitude breathing.
10:52
Laura Ollinger: I say, okay, let's focus your breathing on the area of your heart.
10:56
Laura Ollinger: Just breathe a little slower and deeper than usual.
10:59
Laura Ollinger: And then just breathe the feeling of calm.
11:02
Laura Ollinger: And we do this a little bit, it takes about five minutes if we do the full process.
11:05
Laura Ollinger: So it's super quick, but you can even do it just in the moments that I was doing that with you just now.
11:10
Laura Ollinger: When we lock in on what does calm feel like, our body knows what to do.
11:14
Laura Ollinger: It knows how to calm down.
11:16
Laura Ollinger: And so then what's happening is our hearts and our brains are in coherence together, meaning they're working together instead of against each other.
11:24
Laura Ollinger: I'm sure you're familiar with the autonomic nervous system.
11:27
Laura Ollinger: There's the sympathetic and the parasympathetic.
11:29
Laura Ollinger: Sympathetic is go, anxiety, stress, it's energy.
11:32
Laura Ollinger: It could be good.
11:33
Laura Ollinger: It's not always a bad thing.
11:34
Laura Ollinger: Parasympathetic is rest and digest.
11:36
Laura Ollinger: So when these two systems are working against each other, it's like hitting the gas and the brake at the same time and it's really messing you up.
11:43
Laura Ollinger: It's burning you out, it's depleting you.
11:45
Laura Ollinger: It's actually just taking up more of your energy going back and forth.
11:49
Laura Ollinger: And so if we can get these two systems to work together, that's what heart brain coherence is.
11:54
Laura Ollinger: So we're replacing the attitude, we're getting into the right breathing, which is literally changing our heart rhythm.
11:59
Laura Ollinger: We could go on and on about the science of it, but the idea is that you have control, right?
12:03
Laura Ollinger: Once people know, oh, this is within my control.
12:05
Laura Ollinger: I can get myself to calm down, I can get myself to focus.
12:09
Laura Ollinger: I had no idea.
12:10
Laura Ollinger: And then the idea, the prescription of this is to practice it multiple times a day.
12:14
Laura Ollinger: Ideally, we do it proactively because then we're developing that vagus nerve tone and getting that more just like a muscle.
12:21
Laura Ollinger: The more reps you get in, the more able and easy it is to do it, where you're able to get in that heart brain coherence more quickly.
12:27
Laura Ollinger: So that's one of the things I teach, and it's really universal.
12:29
Laura Ollinger: Anybody could use that.
12:31
Laura Ollinger: It doesn't have to be a teenager, it doesn't have to be a mom.
12:33
Laura Ollinger: It could be anybody.
12:34
Michelle Gauthier: Yes.
12:35
Michelle Gauthier: Two things in there.
12:36
Michelle Gauthier: I love what you said is the idea that it's very hard to think about what we do want.
12:41
Michelle Gauthier: What is that goal state or that goal attitude?
12:44
Michelle Gauthier: Because we know for sure what we don't want, and that's a great place to start.
12:48
Michelle Gauthier: But otherwise it's like driving but not having a destination.
12:51
Michelle Gauthier: You don't know where you're going.
12:52
Michelle Gauthier: So I love that you're helping them choose from that wheel to say, okay, I want calm and I want confidence.
12:59
Michelle Gauthier: And I love that those are the top two choices because what can't you do if you have all that?
13:03
Michelle Gauthier: That gives you clarity and all those things.
13:05
Michelle Gauthier: And then the second is can you just tell us a little bit more about the vagus nerve and what that is and why it's important to get that toned up, as you said?
13:16
Laura Ollinger: Yes, really that is the kind of mechanism in our body that is responsible for our emotional regulation.
13:22
Laura Ollinger: Think of a person that you know who has a very short fuse.
13:26
Laura Ollinger: They can't control their temper, they get upset easily, they lash out.
13:30
Laura Ollinger: The first step on emotional regulation is practice the pause, take a step back, ask yourself the questions, what does this mean?
13:37
Laura Ollinger: Is this really as bad as I think it is?
13:39
Laura Ollinger: So there's like the mental part, but the physical part is literally the nerving your body from the brain to the rest of your organs.
13:45
Laura Ollinger: And so when that is revved up, let's say you drop your coffee and it's morning, you're late for work.
13:50
Laura Ollinger: Immediately your body's going into fight or flight, your heart rate goes up, your palms might get sweaty, all the physical symptoms that are uncomfortable.
13:57
Laura Ollinger: And so the more able we are to just breeze and control ourselves, then we can say, okay, I'll clean that up, no problem.
14:04
Laura Ollinger: I'll be five minutes late to work.
14:06
Laura Ollinger: And we're able to think more clearly because we're getting ourselves out of that fight or flight and we're going back into the calm.
14:12
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, that makes so much sense.
14:13
Michelle Gauthier: And so that is sounds like from what you're saying, you have to learn how to do that pause and then to have that.
14:19
Michelle Gauthier: Do you call it like a target attitude or a goal attitude that they want to switch to?
14:24
Laura Ollinger: Yeah, that would be ideal if we could.
14:26
Laura Ollinger: Most people say you that situation really did happen, right?
14:29
Laura Ollinger: The average person doesn't immediately think, what's my target attitude?
14:32
Laura Ollinger: But if we can work our way up to that, would be like the varsity, right?
14:35
Laura Ollinger: The JV would just be like, okay, I'm not gonna freak out.
14:38
Laura Ollinger: I'm just gonna take a breath.
14:39
Laura Ollinger: I can clean this up.
14:41
Laura Ollinger: It's not that big of a deal.
14:42
Laura Ollinger: And it's putting things in perspective.
14:44
Laura Ollinger: There is a time and a place to freak out, right?
14:46
Laura Ollinger: I have two teenagers that drive.
14:48
Laura Ollinger: I have one that just got his permit.
14:50
Laura Ollinger: And there are times and places where I feel scared and overwhelmed.
14:55
Laura Ollinger: And I really have to think, okay, is my child safe?
14:57
Laura Ollinger: And so that's what I mean by putting it in perspective.
14:59
Laura Ollinger: Is being five minutes late to a meeting as big of a deal as your teenager who just got a driver's license?
15:04
Laura Ollinger: Or it doesn't have to be a teenager, it could be something else that's bigger, more catastrophic, more consequences if something doesn't go well.
15:11
Michelle Gauthier: Yeah.
15:11
Michelle Gauthier: And it feels like sometimes our body reacts the same to those things.
15:15
Michelle Gauthier: It just goes into fight or flight, and sometimes you have to rewind it.
15:18
Michelle Gauthier: It's okay, actually.
15:19
Michelle Gauthier: Yes, that's exactly it.
15:21
Laura Ollinger: That's exactly it.
15:22
Laura Ollinger: It's really just training yourself, training your mind and training your body in how to handle stressful situations.
15:27
Michelle Gauthier: Yes, yes.
15:28
Michelle Gauthier: And I think for anybody who has been listening to the podcast for a while, that power of the pause is something big that we talk about because I think anytime you want to change your behavior, whether that's people pleasing or learning how to say no or how to stop feeling overwhelmed, you have to have that moment where you realize the state you're in and then you pause to figure out what to do about that.
15:49
Michelle Gauthier: And I think about, because I'm working with people who are mostly 35 and up, what if they would have learned that from you when they were 16 or 17?
15:56
Michelle Gauthier: What a difference that could make.
15:57
Michelle Gauthier: All of the times that could be much more calm and feel less stressful.
16:01
Laura Ollinger: Yeah, not only just for your own sanity, I guess is the best word, but also for your relationships.
16:06
Laura Ollinger: Think about all the times you said something that you're like, I should not have said it.
16:10
Laura Ollinger: But you say it in the heat of the moment, right?
16:12
Laura Ollinger: Yep.
16:12
Laura Ollinger: Yep.
16:13
Laura Ollinger: We're not taking the pause.
16:14
Laura Ollinger: We're not self-regulating, we're not having that self-awareness about, okay, I'm at that moment where I'm about to boil over, right?
16:22
Laura Ollinger: And noticing in your body, I'm about to boil over, I need to take a pause, right?
16:26
Laura Ollinger: I need to take a step back.
16:27
Michelle Gauthier: That's the best when you catch that now.
16:29
Michelle Gauthier: When you're learning it as a new tool, you definitely probably won't catch it, but it takes a little practice.
16:34
Michelle Gauthier: Yes.
16:35
Michelle Gauthier: But it's possible, right?
16:36
Michelle Gauthier: It's possible to get there.
16:37
Michelle Gauthier: Absolutely.
16:38
Michelle Gauthier: Yes.
16:39
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, great.
16:39
Michelle Gauthier: I have a couple more questions for you.
16:41
Michelle Gauthier: But the first one is we always like to give the listeners an actionable tip or a takeaway that they could use today.
16:48
Michelle Gauthier: And I feel like the breathing that you just gave us is one.
16:52
Michelle Gauthier: What's another actionable take that you can share with the audience?
16:56
Laura Ollinger: It's what we're already talking about that our thoughts create, our feelings create our behaviors, and our behaviors create the results that we have in our life.
17:03
Laura Ollinger: And so often when we are overwhelmed, women and working women, and we're doing a lot in our lives, it's really easy to fall into the trap of this victim mentality.
17:15
Laura Ollinger: And I use that term loosely, but it's like the idea of why me?
17:18
Laura Ollinger: Okay, and now my car is broken.
17:20
Laura Ollinger: And oh my gosh, now my dishwasher is broken, and now I have to do this extra meeting and right, all the things, and they build up and we feel a little bit helpless.
17:27
Laura Ollinger: It feels outside of us, outside of our control.
17:30
Laura Ollinger: And so there's two parts to this, which is A, I know I get a lot of eye rolls when I say the gratitude part, but these are all really good problems to have.
17:38
Laura Ollinger: It's amazing that we have a car and that we have a dishwasher and that we have a job and that we have these things to do.
17:43
Laura Ollinger: What an amazing gift that we have that we sometimes just need to reframe.
17:47
Laura Ollinger: And secondly, to when you catch yourself like falling in that victim trap, to also realize that there is some level of, I hate to say it, but it's like a chemical addiction where we can get addicted to being stressed.
17:59
Laura Ollinger: We can get addicted to being angry, we can get addicted to negative emotions.
18:03
Laura Ollinger: And so once we identify that, and again, like I said, what this map is, and you don't have to have my map, you can make your own one.
18:09
Laura Ollinger: But to maybe just put it on your wall, like that would probably be the actionable part is like, what do I want?
18:15
Laura Ollinger: I want to feel calm, I want to feel control, I want to feel connected, whatever it is, everybody has a different thing that they want, but get that in front of your face as a reminder so that when you catch yourself, you can say, Oh no, that's right.
18:26
Laura Ollinger: I forgot.
18:27
Laura Ollinger: I want to feel calm.
18:28
Laura Ollinger: Yeah.
18:29
Laura Ollinger: Just having that target to shoot for is gonna change your life.
18:32
Michelle Gauthier: You're definitely speaking my language on the our thoughts create, our feelings create our actions, create our results.
18:38
Michelle Gauthier: And so I love that you're suggesting that they stop at the feeling part, feeling overwhelmed, and think, what do I want instead?
18:46
Michelle Gauthier: How can I think about this differently and feel gratitude for it?
18:50
Michelle Gauthier: And I know just this morning I was doing it.
18:52
Michelle Gauthier: Funny enough, I did spill my coffee this morning.
18:55
Michelle Gauthier: So I thought that was a really great example.
18:58
Michelle Gauthier: Yes, not the whole cup, but I spilled some on my desk and I was like, oh, then quickly caught myself, thankfully.
19:04
Michelle Gauthier: All this practice does pay off after time.
19:07
Laura Ollinger: Yeah.
19:07
Laura Ollinger: And I would love to share my own morning too, because I got a text from my son at school.
19:12
Laura Ollinger: He's having this eye situation.
19:14
Laura Ollinger: It's a whole thing.
19:15
Laura Ollinger: He wears contacts and he needs an eye doctor appointment.
19:18
Laura Ollinger: So I found myself first frustrated, annoyed.
19:21
Laura Ollinger: I have such a busy schedule today.
19:23
Laura Ollinger: Oh, I want to keep everything organized.
19:25
Laura Ollinger: I'm on a tight time frame.
19:26
Laura Ollinger: And then I did it.
19:26
Laura Ollinger: I'm like, I'm gonna have some gratitude.
19:28
Laura Ollinger: I'm so thankful that I have an otherwise very healthy son.
19:31
Laura Ollinger: I'm so thankful that we have access to medical care.
19:33
Laura Ollinger: I got him an appointment for this afternoon.
19:35
Laura Ollinger: I'm so thankful that I have a flexible schedule, that I was able to shuffle around my afternoon to make that appointment.
19:41
Laura Ollinger: And I felt myself, okay, calming into the moment.
19:43
Laura Ollinger: I never talk about something I don't do myself.
19:45
Laura Ollinger: I do it myself all the time.
19:47
Laura Ollinger: I'm not immune to feeling these challenging feelings.
19:50
Laura Ollinger: I just know how to get out of them more quickly.
19:52
Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, I think the real goal is to be able to get out of them in the shortest amount of time possible.
19:58
Michelle Gauthier: And to your point, when it becomes almost a victim mentality or some of those other unwanted feelings and it just becomes your go-to feeling, becomes stuck in it.
20:09
Michelle Gauthier: But we have a chance anytime we want to try to get ourselves out of that.
20:13
Michelle Gauthier: So I love all of your suggestions to do that.
20:15
Michelle Gauthier: I know you said that your daughter was kind of opposed to doing therapy and you started learning more about coaching.
20:21
Michelle Gauthier: In your opinion, what's the difference between therapy and coaching and when someone needs a therapist versus a coach?
20:27
Laura Ollinger: That's such a good question.
20:28
Laura Ollinger: So, quite honestly, there is a decent amount of overlap with the way we work with people, but there are some major differences as well.
20:36
Laura Ollinger: When you're with a coach, the idea is that there is kind of a set amount of time that you're engaging with this coach.
20:42
Laura Ollinger: So it could be three months, it could be six months.
20:44
Laura Ollinger: But the idea is that in that time frame, you set out goals, you set out benchmarks, and when you get to the end, we can assess am I more calm?
20:52
Laura Ollinger: Am I more confident?
20:53
Laura Ollinger: We have this target.
20:54
Laura Ollinger: We're focusing on and we're getting the skills to reach that target.
20:58
Laura Ollinger: There is a time and a place for therapy also.
21:01
Laura Ollinger: That would be any diagnosable mental health disorder.
21:04
Laura Ollinger: I would refer to a therapist if somebody approached me in that situation.
21:08
Laura Ollinger: The other thing that I love about coaching, especially for well, either teens or adults as well, is my daughter.
21:14
Laura Ollinger: She didn't want to go to therapy because she felt like that meant something was wrong with her, like something needed to be fixed.
21:20
Laura Ollinger: The cool thing about coaching is when I get to say I'm a life coach, it's really just I'm here to help you, I'm here to support you, get what you want, but I'm not looking for anything wrong with you.
21:28
Laura Ollinger: I'm not treating you for anything.
21:30
Laura Ollinger: It's really just to find out what's right with you.
21:32
Laura Ollinger: We're not looking for what's wrong with you.
21:34
Laura Ollinger: We're looking for what's right with you.
21:35
Laura Ollinger: Figure out what your strengths are and figure out how you can use those strengths to tackle the challenges that you're facing.
21:42
Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, I love that.
21:43
Michelle Gauthier: That's such a great outlook.
21:44
Michelle Gauthier: And I also find when I work with a client who has previously done therapy or even is currently seeing a therapist, that it just enhances the work that we do as well.
21:53
Michelle Gauthier: When someone has done therapy in the past, they have more access to what am I thinking?
21:58
Michelle Gauthier: How am I impacting?
21:59
Michelle Gauthier: My own decisions, you know, those kinds of things too.
22:02
Michelle Gauthier: So I think even if someone's doubled up or has previously seen a therapist and now that the point that they want to see a coach, I feel like it can be a great combination too.
22:11
Laura Ollinger: Yes, I completely agree.
22:12
Laura Ollinger: I've had clients that have been doing both at the same time.
22:15
Laura Ollinger: I agree it helps them deepen their self-awareness.
22:18
Laura Ollinger: And the more self-awareness they have, the easier they are to coach.
22:21
Michelle Gauthier: You can still do coaching, but if you've already done therapy, it's it just makes it faster.
22:24
Michelle Gauthier: That's great.
22:25
Michelle Gauthier: I have two more questions for you, which are questions that I ask everybody who comes on the podcast.
22:30
Michelle Gauthier: And the first one is what's a rule that you've made for yourself that you very rarely break?
22:36
Laura Ollinger: This is a new one for me.
22:38
Laura Ollinger: I have decided that anytime I feel like I don't have enough time because that's my kryptonite, I catch myself.
22:46
Laura Ollinger: Whenever that starts to creep into my head, I flip it and I say, That's not true.
22:52
Laura Ollinger: I have luxurious amounts of time.
22:55
Laura Ollinger: Even if that only means five extra minutes, five minutes can be a luxury.
23:00
Michelle Gauthier: Yes, I love that.
23:01
Michelle Gauthier: I love that.
23:02
Michelle Gauthier: So you just don't let yourself tell that story that they're telling me.
23:06
Laura Ollinger: That is my new rule.
23:07
Laura Ollinger: It's working beautifully.
23:08
Laura Ollinger: I highly recommend it.
23:09
Laura Ollinger: It's changed my life.
23:11
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, that is amazing.
23:13
Michelle Gauthier: Mine is I don't have anyone to help me.
23:15
Michelle Gauthier: I'm doing this all on my own.
23:17
Michelle Gauthier: That's my kryptonite.
23:18
Michelle Gauthier: And it is not true.
23:20
Michelle Gauthier: When I sit and think about it, it's really not true.
23:23
Michelle Gauthier: So I'm gonna do that too.
23:24
Michelle Gauthier: I'm gonna commit to just trying to catch it every single time and just saying back to myself, that is not true.
23:29
Michelle Gauthier: And talk about all the ways that I actually do have lots of support.
23:33
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, and then the second question is what is something unrelated to work that you just love right now?
23:38
Michelle Gauthier: What's something that you're just super into?
23:40
Laura Ollinger: That is a great question.
23:41
Laura Ollinger: Unrelated to work that I'm just so into is watching my daughter play tennis.
23:45
Laura Ollinger: And I'll tell you why.
23:46
Laura Ollinger: It did not come easy.
23:48
Laura Ollinger: She was a volleyball player, did not make the team, had her heart broken, was one of those things where everybody made the team.
23:55
Laura Ollinger: She did it.
23:55
Laura Ollinger: And so we decide to switch gears and get into tennis.
23:58
Laura Ollinger: And tryouts just happened and she made it.
24:01
Laura Ollinger: And I have never been so proud in my life of her because she really committed to learning this new sport at the age of 13.
24:09
Laura Ollinger: And so she has matches once a week, and I just love it.
24:13
Laura Ollinger: I love watching her.
24:14
Laura Ollinger: She's not the best on the team.
24:16
Laura Ollinger: She doesn't win every match.
24:17
Laura Ollinger: I just love seeing her feel good and feel like she's part of something.
24:21
Michelle Gauthier: Yes.
24:22
Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, that's such a great example.
24:24
Michelle Gauthier: Tell us more about where people can find you.
24:26
Michelle Gauthier: If there is a mom listening or someone who has a niece or a nephew or a child who could use your help, where can they find you and what should they do?
24:35
Laura Ollinger: The best place is to go to my website, which is positively healthycoaching.com.
24:40
Laura Ollinger: It's all together, positively healthycoaching.com.
24:43
Laura Ollinger: And that's where links are to my social media.
24:45
Laura Ollinger: I also have a button on there where if you are interested in having a consultation, it's free.
24:50
Laura Ollinger: I'll be happy to talk to you about your situation.
24:52
Laura Ollinger: It could be for anybody in your life.
24:54
Laura Ollinger: There is an option for coaching for families, for teams and for parents.
24:58
Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, I think that's so great.
24:59
Michelle Gauthier: And I think as a parent, anytime you're trying to solve something for your child, even like where do I get her tennis lessons or do they need a new pair of glasses or wherever it is, it's so much stress on a mom to try to find the right resource because we always want to help our kids.
25:13
Michelle Gauthier: So just the fact that people are now familiar with your name, now they have a place to go if that's what they're looking for.
25:19
Laura Ollinger: Awesome.
25:19
Michelle Gauthier: Thank you.
25:20
Michelle Gauthier: Yes.
25:20
Michelle Gauthier: Thank you so much for being on.
25:21
Michelle Gauthier: It was great to have you.
25:22
Michelle Gauthier: Thank you.
25:23
Laura Ollinger: I appreciate it.
25:24
Michelle Gauthier: It was great.
25:25
Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
25:32
Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at MichelleGauthier.com.
25:38
Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.