Latest / The SmallBizChat with Melinda Emerson / Being Brilliantly Resilient with Mary Fran Bontempo

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Being Brilliantly Resilient with Mary Fran Bontempo · The SmallBizChat with Melinda Emerson

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  3, 10, 1, 0, ignition, liftoff,
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  Ending small business failure.
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  Welcome to the Small Biz Chat podcast with a number 1 small business expert Melinda Emerson.
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  Belinda's goal is to end small business failure, and she'll give you the information
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  you need to succeed and live the life you've dream of.
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  Now here's the small biz lady herself.
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  Melinda Everson.
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  Hi.
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  Good evening, everybody.
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  This is Melinda soon, small biz lady, America's number one small business expert, and I'm happy
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  to welcome you to small biz chat Now smallbiz chat live is a peer to peer interview show that
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  gives small business owners a way to get and share in valuable business advice.
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  The mission of small biz chat is to end small business failure.
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  With that, let me get to my guest Mary Fran Fontempo.
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  She is a 2 time TEDx speaker, author, humorous media host who teaches audiences to uncover
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  their brilliance and resilience 15 minutes at a time.
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  She's a sought after presenter for corporate and association events and Mary Friend is the
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  author of the 15 minute master and the woman's book of dirty words.
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  Alright.
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  And she's also the co founder of brilliantly resistant, which is a great podcast, and I have
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  had the opportunity to be a part of You know, she proves small changes can make big life
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  honoring transformations, and Mary Fran created her life affirming grant after going through a
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  challenge with her own son's heroin addiction.
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  So she's a frequent media guest and speaker.
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  And she delights audiences with her empowering and entertaining message.
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  You can find out more information about her at brilliantly resistant excuse me, resilient, not
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  resistant.
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  What do I say?
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  Brilliantly resilient.net.
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  Mary Friend.
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  Welcome to small business chat live.
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  Hey, Molly.
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  Thank you so much for having me.
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  What a pleasure.
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  Oh gosh.
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  This this is a treat for me.
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  Now people are dealing with a lot of stuff.
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  Right?
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  People have your family members and friends who are sick.
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  Now schools are supposed to open soon.
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  You know, now people are supposed to be opening, but, oh, we might have to close back
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  up again.
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  What?
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  I mean, how should we be active right now?
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  Things are not normal, Mary Fran?
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  No.
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  They are not.
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  And I don't know that we're gonna find out what that means anytime soon.
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  So I mean, for me, I mean, after my hair was on fire and I ran around screaming and panicking
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  and all that kind of stuff.
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  When I finally took a breath, I realized that what we needed to do is just stay in this
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  present moment because nobody knows.
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  Like, everybody's got these big plans.
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  So we're gonna open up gonna do this.
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  We're gonna do that.
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  They just don't know.
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  So I think you have to be prepared for the unexpected, which clearly this whole situation
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  was.
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  And and recognize that because everybody's in the same boat, nothing that you do in this
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  particular moment is going to make or break you.
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  So I think we all have to we all have to approach it with that perspective.
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  This is not This moment will not make or break anyone if you make a certain decision because
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  you'll be able to dial it back.
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  I mean, heck, everybody's dialing stuff back every single day.
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  So that's almost become the norm.
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  You know?
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  So I think flexibility and and, again, that taking a breath, be in the present.
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  Right.
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  But there's so much pressure.
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  I mean, people are getting constant collection calls now, real money woes.
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  I mean, if you have no idea where your next sale is coming from, you know, or you're
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  worried about your spouse getting laid off because big companies are laying people off
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  too.
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  Won't go and bankrupt and all this kind of stuff.
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  I mean, what advice do you have for the person who is just feels like?
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  It's just, like the world is caving in on him almost.
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  Well, I have found crying to be very effective.
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  It's, just you just gotta release the pressure cooker somehow.
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  But the other thing is, you know what?
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  You just you gotta put up your hands.
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  You have to ask for help from every Avenue possible, every single one.
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  And that means and, I mean, I know I know financially things are dicey right now because
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  at first, there were all these relief packages and now, you know, we don't know what we're
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  doing and but once again, everybody's in the same boat.
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  And as Andrew said earlier, they're not gonna turn the entire country out on the street
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  because people can't pay their bills.
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  I mean, that would kinda create another big problem.
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  So I think you just have to ask for help.
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  Put your hand up.
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  Anybody that you pay money to them, call them on the phone.
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  Try.
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  Say I just I can't do it.
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  Whatever you need to do, but I think people are understanding.
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  They're still understanding because, again, everybody's back is up against the wall.
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  So I can't say this enough times.
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  We have to take a breath, and we have to recognize that this is happening to everyone.
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  And, again, the reference and what Andrew said, they're gonna have to come up with some more
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  creative solutions.
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  Don't think that they're gonna put you out on the street before that happens.
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  That will not happen to you.
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  Alright.
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  And I happen to know their prayer works too.
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  So,
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  Oh my gosh.
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  So
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  My knees have calluses on them.
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  Calluses.
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  Yeah.
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  So you always talk about brilliance and resiliency in 3 parts, and you call it recent
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  rise and reveal.
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  Tell Chuck.
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  Let's talk about step 1.
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  What's the reset?
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  So the reset is what my partner, Kristen Smedley, and I call the the suck Punch or the
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  train wreck.
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  And right now, we are in a global soccer punch train wreck.
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  It's different than anything any of us have ever experienced before.
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  It's a global train wreck.
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  So when you get hit with those things, there are a couple things that you need to do.
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  First of all, again, I'll say take a breath.
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  You gotta take that pause.
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  This is an opportunity for us all to pause.
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  It's a forced opportunity, and a lot of us don't like it.
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  But it's there.
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  So take the opportunity to pause.
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  And while you're there, take a look at a couple things.
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  Take a look at your values figure out what is really, really important to you.
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  This is the time to dig down and figure it out because we've all seen that life can change in
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  a moment here, literally, quite literally in a moment.
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  So figure out what your values are.
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  Figure out what's important to you.
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  Then figure out what your perspective on your situation is.
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  Can you tweak it a little bit?
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  Is it as bad as you think?
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  Can you just, you know, find a way to find something to be grateful for or whatever?
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  That's the that's the reset.
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  And then the last thing that you look at in that place is what are the controllables?
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  What exactly do you have control of in this moment.
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  There's a lot we don't have control of, but I'm gonna bet that you have some control of some
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  things in your life.
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  Even even the smallest thing in the world, find out whatever that is and control that.
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  That gives you a little bit of your power back.
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  Alright.
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  So then what is the rise.
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  After after we've done that,
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  why
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  don't we get the rise?
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  Okay.
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  So you've taken if you've paused, you realize what's important to you.
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  You've controlled the controllables.
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  This is where you get to be a 15 minute master.
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  This is where you get to ask yourself one simple question.
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  What can emphasis on the word can, can I do to affect this situation.
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  Not what do I want to do?
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  Cause what we wanna do is for all this to go away and everything to go back to normal.
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  Right?
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  Yeah.
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  So what can you do taking a look at what your resources already are taking a look at your
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  skill set, taking a look at anything that's a transferable skill that you can look from one
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  thing.
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  Can you move that to another place?
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  And this is a big one for me.
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  Take a look around you at your tribe.
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  Is there anybody that you can collaborate with, align yourself with, just talk to, just as
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  somebody that, you know, you can kind of mastermind with.
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  And then when you figure that out, that's when you start to rise because then you come up with
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  one single action step.
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  Just one to implement to try to move you forward.
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  And you see what the effect of that action step is and then you make the next what can I do
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  decision?
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  And you gotta take it and break it down in pieces because, again, everything's changing
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  moment by moment.
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  Alright.
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  So if I do want that, so I do my reset, I do my ride, how do I get to reveal?
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  How how does all this reveal
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  my Okay.
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  So people have a hard time figuring out what their brilliance is, but here's the good news.
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  Your brilliance is not hard for you.
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  We, like, we as Americans think for everything to be valuable.
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  We have to have blood, sweat, and tears.
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  That's not the way brilliance works.
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  Your brilliance is the stuff that people come to you for.
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  They ask you, can you help me with this?
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  What do you think about that?
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  Those everybody has natural gifts.
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  That's where your brilliance lies.
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  So when you examine your values, when you take a look at your perception, when you see what
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  your skills and talents are, and you align them with your natural gifts, with the things that
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  you're naturally good at, that's where your brilliance is.
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  Now that doesn't mean that once you figure out what your brilliance is, all of a sudden, the
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  money's gonna start pouring in, then and everything's gonna be perfect.
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  But what it does mean is that you know you finally know this is my sweet spot.
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  This is the place that I can begin to build from and deliver those gifts to the world.
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  You're gonna still have to do some work on it, but at least then you know what your brilliance
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  and your sweet spot is.
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  Alright.
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  Alright.
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  Well, listen.
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  I'm gonna hold it right there.
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  We're gonna come back more with Mary Fran.
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  In just a moment, If you've been listening, we're gonna have even more gems to help you get
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  through what's going on right now.
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  This is small fish chat live.
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  Stay with us.
• 10:08
  Are you tired of struggling in your business, not taking a paycheck?
• 10:13
  Dread and dealing with your business in the morning?
• 10:15
  Are you regretting even starting your business in the first place?
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  Well, I know you're tired.
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  And I also remember what that kind of tire is like, but the good news is it's time to stop
• 10:26
  feeling that way.
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  Stop.
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  I'm Melinda Emerson's small business lady, and my new football fixture business is a ninety
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  day turnaround plan to get back your life and reduce chaos in your business.
• 10:37
  I've been in business nearly 20 years and let me teach you how to build a business that works
• 10:43
  for you.
• 10:44
  Grab a copy today.
• 10:47
  We have been talking with Mary Fran Fontempo about how to be brilliantly resilient in these
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  uncertain times.
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  Now, Mary Fran, What should we be thinking about our coping mechanisms?
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  Like, is that something helpful?
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  Like, I was actually reading an article that said that you should think back to when times
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  were better to start to remind yourself that they can be better.
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  Do do you believe in that?
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  Or is that Well,
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  I certainly think we have to you have to find your happy place.
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  I mean, you know, when I was in the midst of of dealing with everything with my son and his
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  addiction issues, That was something that kinda got me through.
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  I had to find a happy place.
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  Now sometimes in this moment that we're living in, our happy place can just be something that
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  reminds us of normal.
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  You know, for for whether it's no.
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  No.
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  Now that restaurants are opening up or whatever, if you can find a safe little, you
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  know, place where you can go grab a quick bite or something like that, you know, something
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  that reminds you of normal.
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  That's a better time.
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  But I would also say this.
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  I think we need to also think about the times that we're really back Like, for me, I go back
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  to the period of time when my son was in active addiction.
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  It was the worst time in my life, but here's the thing.
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  I got through that.
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  All experienced these sucker punches and these things that we've had in the past.
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  Nothing like this.
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  Of course, these details are entirely different but we've been through stuff.
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  And I think we have to go back to those moments and go, you know what?
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  I I got through that.
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  And what did I do to get through that?
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  What were my resources that I get through that.
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  And I know we've mentioned this earlier, but how how important is it now to practice your
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  fate?
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  Like, more than ever.
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  Like, I I'm saying, I believe extreme circumstances re require extreme prayer.
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  I I really do.
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  I believe in corporate prayers, I believe in telling people what I need prayer.
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  I I believe in that, but I was wondering, you know, is people's faith gonna be how they get
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  through?
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  You know, I think, I mean, at least for me, I think in times like this, it's almost essential
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  to go.
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  Alright.
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  Well, somebody else as this under control because we sure don't.
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  You know, like, we clearly do not know what we're doing here.
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  But one of the things that I learned when I was dealing with David's issues was the power of
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  surrender.
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  And for me, that idea of faith, and it's not about it's not about giving up.
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  It's about giving it up.
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  Whatever that circumstance and that challenge is, I literally pictured my son at some points.
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  Like, myself, I'm and I'm a Christian.
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  So it was like, I was always talking to Jesus.
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  Like, I was holding his hand, and I would walk him to Jesus and go, alright, tag.
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  You're it because I can't do this right now.
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  You know?
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  And just kinda pass it off a little bit, the it doesn't solve the problem, but I will say this.
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  It gives you enough peace and breathing room that you can think and settle and get ready to
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  move on to the next thing.
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  So for me, faith is essential.
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  Now what about physical activity?
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  I know some people that have, like, taken up running or everybody, like, you know, that had
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  a few dollars left, but I see all these people buying Peloton bikes and all this stuff.
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  So I you know, how much is staying physically active or even meditating and stuff like that,
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  helping people kinda manage all of the stress that they're kinda dealing with right now.
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  Well, I would say this.
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  The only way I'm running is if it's one way somewhere and I don't have to come back.
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  That's the only that's where I'm running.
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  I'm not I'm not making the return trip, so I can't speak to the running part.
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  I am a walker.
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  I do do a lot of walking.
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  And I do the interesting thing about that because we just got off the prayer thing.
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  I do pray at the beginning of my walks.
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  So when I walk, I say like a rosary.
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  That's that's Catholic thing.
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  And I pray at the beginning of my walks, and that kind of puts me in, like, a safe space
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  where my body is in 1 space.
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  My head is in a is in a safe spiritual space, and it's it's refreshing on both levels.
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  Body and soul.
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  Tell us What is your favorite podcast?
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  That's what I wanna know.
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  I'll have to say I well, I like my own.
• 14:47
  I have to say brilliantly resilience.
• 14:48
  Pretty cool.
• 14:49
  But I also, as far as this world goes, I do like E.
• 14:53
  O.
• 14:53
  Fire with John Lee Dumas.
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  I I find his stuff, especially now that he kind of switched to, like, a master class format
• 15:00
  where he picks a subject and he has an expert on and he does, like, a master class, then I
• 15:04
  think that's really valuable for the business community.
• 15:06
  I like his podcast as well.
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  Alright.
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  What is your favorite business app?
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  You know what?
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  Anything that allows people to collaborate So, I mean, clearly, the Zoom platform has been
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  huge.
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  I have been on it constantly nonstop.
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  I know it's had a ton of bugs and security issues and all that, but it it's still my go
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  to.
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  Despite all of that, it's the Zoom platform.
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  Alright.
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  Good stuff.
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  Alright, Mary Fran.
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  Well, how do you stay motivated
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  Well, I'm not happy to have to follow that because nothing that I say is gonna make the
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  slightest impression.
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  I've never had that experience, but I have a crazy partner whom I work with who starts
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  texting me at 5:30 in the morning with her brilliant ideas and she's incredible.
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  And I love her to death, but the whole point of that is for me, it's about the tribe, the
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  collaboration, the people that you know, if I'm having a day where I don't believe in myself,
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  somebody always comes back to me and goes, yeah, but you're so cool.
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  And this is such a great idea, and that really works.
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  I think it's really important to stay in touch with those people who see you and see your
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  gifts and remind you of them when you forget Yeah.
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  And, you know, I would have to say that if I had to share what motivates me, it's my
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  mission.
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  You know, my mission has always been for the last 13 years to end small business failure.
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  And every single thing we do, every book I write, every blog post, every interview I give
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  is about that mission.
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  And so That is what drives me on those days, and I don't feel like putting my cape on and
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  being your smallest lady.
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  I remember that.
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  I'm like, Wait a minute.
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  Some little small business needs me.
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  Hold on.
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  I gotta do this.
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  So I'm grateful that I have that motivation, that clarity of purpose.
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  Alright, Mary Fran.
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  What is your favorite business book?
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  Well, my favorite book is not a traditional business book.
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  It is a book by the writer Anne Lamont, and it called bird by bird.
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  And the study the the book is actually a it's a study of her process of writing, which at
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  heart.
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  That's what I am.
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  I'm a writer.
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  And it's also a study of her struggles.
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  I mean, she had issues with alcoholism and whatnot, and the book can be summed up by the
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  title of it.
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  Her brother at one point when he was young had a paper to work on about birds, and he didn't
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  know where to start.
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  And his father said to him, just take it bird by bird buddy.
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  And it's just a reminder, just in the title alone and all throughout the book about how we
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  can break down even the biggest problem.
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  If we break it down, we take it bird by bird, we can come up with a solution
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  Alright.
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  Good stuff.
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  And with that, I want to thank my awesome guests.
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  Thank you all so much for joining me tonight.
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  Please head over to seat is your own boss.com, and you get more information about my 3 guests.
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  And I wanna leave you with this.
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  Thank you so much for watching small business chat live.
• 17:53
  The mission of small business chat live is to end small business failure.
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  And I wanna leave you with this.
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  You never lose in business, either you win or you learn.
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  Thank you, everybody.
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  Good night.
• 18:05
  Thank you for listening to the Small Biz Chat podcast with Melinda Emerson.
• 18:10
  For more resources and small business success strategies, visit succeed as your own boss.com.
• 18:16
  Subscribe to this podcast wherever you listen to podcasts and join us next Wednesday.