Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 142. Soft Girls in a Harsh World: How to Stop losing your Spark

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142. Soft Girls in a Harsh World: How to Stop losing your Spark · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Appogie production. I need your advice. Are you okay? What happened?
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Promise it won't be too much. Bring it in.
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  Speaker 2: Welcome to our Bestie segment.
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  Speaker 1: Girl, this is the place for you. Hello everybody, Welcome
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  Speaker 1: back to our Bestie Segment every Tuesday and every Friday
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  Speaker 1: now and nor we'll freak your Friday. It is just
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  Speaker 1: bestI advice. So let's get straight into it. Let's do it.
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  Speaker 1: What have you got for us today? The title is
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: soft Girls in a Harsh World, how to stop losing
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  Speaker 1: your spark? All right? Our beautiful admission is I listen
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  Speaker 1: to your podcast regularly and I love hearing your advice
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: and thoughts. I am damning you because I need your help.
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  Speaker 1: I feel like I've lost myself and fallen into a hole,
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  Speaker 1: and I'm feeling anxious, sad, and weak all of the time.
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  Speaker 1: I'm a high school student and I'm having a lot
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  Speaker 1: of trouble trying to find my people. The school lego
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  Speaker 1: to is very small, and I feel like I have
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  Speaker 1: no friends because the girls are so horrible. I don't
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  Speaker 1: know how I can stop my overthinking and stop worrying
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  Speaker 1: about what they think about me. I'm also facing a
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  Speaker 1: lot of stress and anxiety, and I want to get
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  Speaker 1: back into meditation and moving my body every day again,
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  Speaker 1: but I can't find the motivation to do it. I
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  Speaker 1: really need your help because I don't know what to do.
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  Speaker 1: I want to also start reading again. I want to
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  Speaker 1: find a book about relationships and mental health and advice
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  Speaker 1: on how to cope with anxiety and mental health problems.
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  Speaker 1: Please help me. Oh, high school, sweetheart, they are hard years.
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  Speaker 2: They really are.
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  Speaker 1: Teenage years are brutal.
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  Speaker 2: People are brutal at that age. So I really really
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  Speaker 2: feel for you.
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  Speaker 1: I hated high schoolf that makes you feel better, so
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  Speaker 1: did I. It is hard.
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  Speaker 2: I think it's challenging to find your people in high
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  Speaker 2: school because you are so limited with how many people
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  Speaker 2: you're exposed to. But before we kind of dive into
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  Speaker 2: all of that, I think the first thing is, like
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  Speaker 2: your priority right now is getting out of the mental
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  Speaker 2: slump that you're in, and the way that you will
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  Speaker 2: be able to do that is the movement. Like, I know,
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  Speaker 2: you're in high school, so you probably still live at home.
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  Speaker 2: So if you can and you're allowed and you have
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  Speaker 2: the freedom to do so, like making sure that you're
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  Speaker 2: going for a walk, I know it sounds so simple,
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  Speaker 2: but every single day, even if you start with like
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  Speaker 2: three or four times a week and you don't do seven,
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  Speaker 2: just start with that because right now, like you're sitting
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  Speaker 2: in the energy of stagnation physically, mentally, physically, mentally, right,
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  Speaker 2: And so the way that we kind of get you
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  Speaker 2: back on the bandwagon is clearing your head mentally, and
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  Speaker 2: walks are like the best way to regulate yourself, clear
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  Speaker 2: your head, and to start feeling like you're actually moving
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  Speaker 2: energy physical energy in your body again, that will start
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  Speaker 2: the momentum of you getting out of this slump. And like,
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  Speaker 2: just for some context, every time I fall into a slump,
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  Speaker 2: even now in my life, that's exactly.
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  Speaker 1: What I do.
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  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's the first thing that I do because
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  Speaker 2: I know if I'm sitting in it, I'm not moving
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  Speaker 2: the energy in my body, and that's exactly what my
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  Speaker 2: body needs.
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  Speaker 1: I've done it since I was fourteen. Yeah, I'm probably younger.
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  Speaker 1: My mum said, whenever I was stressed or having a
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  Speaker 1: hard time with my stepdad or having a hard time
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  Speaker 1: at school, She's like, you just would walk. You'd walk
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  Speaker 1: and walk and walk. Didn't do it because I knew
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  Speaker 1: it was good For me, it's just naturally what my
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  Speaker 1: body wanted to do. Now at thirty six years old,
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  Speaker 1: I walk every day. There is not a day that
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  Speaker 1: I miss a walk, and if I do, it feel shit. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: If you do, you're like, oh my god, I don't
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  Speaker 1: feel good. Like even today we got up at four
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  Speaker 1: am to make sure we could get a walk in
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  Speaker 1: before we sat all day. It is just so important.
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  Speaker 1: So I know it sounds silly, it sounds like it
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  Speaker 1: wouldn't really have impact, but I'm telling you, after doing
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  Speaker 1: this for twenty five years, plass walking every single day,
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  Speaker 1: it is the best thing for you. I so agree.
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  Speaker 1: So she out in nature, Oh, moving your energy, getting
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  Speaker 1: in a good state. Even wherever you walk, just stop
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  Speaker 1: and look out, revr and just take three big breaths.
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  Speaker 1: The next thing I want to say is you're saying
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  Speaker 1: you don't have the motivation. This is where discipline comes in.
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  Speaker 1: If you are so sick and tired of feeling sick
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  Speaker 1: and tired and worried and anxious like something has to change.
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  Speaker 1: You don't have to feel motivated to do the things.
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  Speaker 1: You just have to know that you're going to feel
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  Speaker 1: better after and know that you're doing it. For a
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  Speaker 1: high purpose. So you're meditating, exercising, reading, that's beautiful as well.
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  Speaker 1: And don't set yourself up for unrealistic goals like it
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  Speaker 1: could be a five minute meditation the moment you wake up.
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  Speaker 1: So instead of getting on your scroll and jumping straight
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  Speaker 1: out of bed to get ready for school and pack
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  Speaker 1: your lunch, five minutes gone to YouTube and type in
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  Speaker 1: five minute meditation for anxiety. Yeah, that's all you need. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: and then at nighttime do the same thing. There's ten
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  Speaker 1: minutes out of your day. Anyone can find ten minutes, right,
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  Speaker 1: do meditation, exercising and reading reading ten pages an Yeah
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  Speaker 1: all you need to do. Yeah. You know, at one
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  Speaker 1: point in high school and I was friends with a
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  Speaker 1: lot of different groups, but I felt like I just
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  Speaker 1: really didn't belong. There was always something missing for me,
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  Speaker 1: and there was just cattiness, and I didn't like to
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  Speaker 1: get involved in the drama. I remember this is a
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  Speaker 1: period where I took my book and I went out
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  Speaker 1: in the football field at lunchtime and I found like
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  Speaker 1: a quiet little place under a tree or something like
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  Speaker 1: such a nerd but literally I just went out under
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  Speaker 1: the tree and read and just sat by myself and
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  Speaker 1: just for a couple of months, just what I did,
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  Speaker 1: and all my friends would be like, oh, wear are
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  Speaker 1: your lunch I was like, oh, I went and saw
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  Speaker 1: that the group and I lied because it was embarrassed.
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  Speaker 1: But I just I just went out there by myself
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  Speaker 1: because that's just what I needed. It's okay if you
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  Speaker 1: want to go out there and read it your lunch
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  Speaker 1: break as well. You don't have to surround yourself with
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  Speaker 1: these people if they're not your people. Don't force yourself
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  Speaker 1: to be around people that drain your energy. Go be
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  Speaker 1: with yourself and go read and do the things meditated lunch,
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  Speaker 1: do the things that you want to do, your full
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  Speaker 1: permission to do that. Yeah, and I promise you the
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  Speaker 1: things people say and what happens in high school when
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  Speaker 1: you get out, it means nothing. Nothing. I can't believe
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  Speaker 1: the amount of energy I wasted caring about what my
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  Speaker 1: high school piece thought of it.
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  Speaker 2: Agreed, I'm like, ah, it's sad less, less less. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: it's easier than done when it's your everything. Because right now,
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  Speaker 2: school is your everything. It's your form of connection, it's
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  Speaker 2: your form of meeting new people, it's your everything. And
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  Speaker 2: I know it's a little bit different now because social media,
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  Speaker 2: you know, we can connect in different ways, but you're
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  Speaker 2: still at a young age, and so just be really
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  Speaker 2: kind to yourself in this period. And like what Ashley said,
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  Speaker 2: when I was in school, I would listen to music.
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  Speaker 2: I would always have my headphones in. I bounced around
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  Speaker 2: a lot in school. I was moving around so much
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  Speaker 2: that I was always meeting new people and wasn't with
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  Speaker 2: the people that I knew who were safe, you know,
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  Speaker 2: and that made it really hard to make new friends,
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  Speaker 2: you know.
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  Speaker 1: So same thing with you.
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  Speaker 2: I felt like I never really understood their jokes and
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  Speaker 2: they never really jelled with them in the way that
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  Speaker 2: they all jelled with each other. And I thought that
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  Speaker 2: there was something wrong with me because of it, and
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  Speaker 2: I was just like fuck, Like it's just it's not
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  Speaker 2: about that. Like, if you can spend this time building
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  Speaker 2: a relationship with yourself, you will get to know everything
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  Speaker 2: about who you are and you will feel comfortable in
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  Speaker 2: your skin. And if you're feeling anxious, it's likely that
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  Speaker 2: you're living in your head and not in your body.
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  Speaker 2: So you know, you're constantly thinking all the time, overthinking,
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  Speaker 2: worried about what they care about, whereas like what would
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  Speaker 2: be really powerful. Is like Well actually said about anchoring
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  Speaker 2: into a couple of deep breaths, you know, like in
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  Speaker 2: for forur through the nose, out for forll through the mouth,
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  Speaker 2: and breathing into your body and just like sitting in
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  Speaker 2: the stillness and like getting to feel what it feels
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  Speaker 2: like to be still and drop out of your thoughts.
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  Speaker 2: I think that, mixed with everything that we've shared al ready,
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  Speaker 2: will be so powerful for you because you're going to
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  Speaker 2: be so much more advanced than the people that you're
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  Speaker 2: surrounded by. But by the time it comes to you
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  Speaker 2: getting in new environments, maybe when you start going to
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  Speaker 2: the gym or you join a run club and you
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  Speaker 2: start doing fitness classes or extracurricular activities, whatever it is
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  Speaker 2: that you're into, you'll be able to connect with people
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  Speaker 2: on such a deeper level that the relationships that you've
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  Speaker 2: cultivated at school aren't going to matter.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, and.
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  Speaker 2: Those people who are horrible. This is a really good
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  Speaker 2: time for you to practice not taking things so personally.
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  Speaker 2: And I know it's easier said than done, because school
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  Speaker 2: is a really challenging time, but something that you'll learn
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  Speaker 2: as an adult, so you may as well learn it now.
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  Speaker 2: Is that not everything that everyone does is about you,
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  Speaker 2: you know, And when you can separate that and not
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  Speaker 2: feel like this is a personal attack, you will be
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  Speaker 2: a much happier girl at school.
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  Speaker 1: Like from another thing I did too, because I really
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  Speaker 1: feel you on this. I really didn't like high school.
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  Speaker 1: Is I lent into a teacher?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah?
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  Speaker 1: I had a female teacher and she knew all about
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  Speaker 1: my stepdad. She know all about my home life. I
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  Speaker 1: would turn to She's still on my Facebook, like I
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  Speaker 1: still talk to every now and again. Oh this is
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  Speaker 1: like twenty odd years later. That's so beautiful. But she
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  Speaker 1: was such a rock for me when I was having
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  Speaker 1: a really hard time at home, Like after she was
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  Speaker 1: my pea teacher, after pee class, I would just go
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  Speaker 1: and sit with her at lunchtime. If I was sitting
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  Speaker 1: by myself, should come and sit with me. If she
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  Speaker 1: was on Judy, I'd go and talk to her. I
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  Speaker 1: love that, and she was a real rock for me.
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  Speaker 1: I know a lot of schools have like the school counselors.
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  Speaker 1: Is there a teacher you really bond with that you
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  Speaker 1: can open up with and it's not to be like, oh,
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  Speaker 1: these girls are being horrible, can you go say something
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  Speaker 1: it's just like, Hey, I'm just feeling really isolated at school,
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  Speaker 1: like I just need someone to talk to. I beat you.
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  Speaker 1: Most teachers will happily sit down with you and be
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  Speaker 1: there for you. Most teachers are quite nurturing. They're working
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  Speaker 1: with children. They want to help you. High school it's
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  Speaker 1: going to end soon. I'm guessing you're in grade ten, eleven, twelve,
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  Speaker 1: Maybe it's gonna end soon. Something that might be helpful
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  Speaker 1: for you. And I don't know where you're at with this,
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  Speaker 1: but if you have anything that you're passionate about, or
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  Speaker 1: any hobbies or anything that you'd like to do that
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  Speaker 1: you can do outside of school, it might be worthwhile
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  Speaker 1: for you starting to build a sense of the world
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  Speaker 1: outside of school, you know, like getting to know people
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  Speaker 1: who aren't from your school, aren't related to that place
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  Speaker 1: at all, so that you can realize that there's more
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  Speaker 1: to life than just this one place. Sshcha.
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  Speaker 2: That will really help you broaden your horizons for who's
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  Speaker 2: out there, what's out there, and it will start to
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  Speaker 2: help you realize that the world is a much bigger
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  Speaker 2: place than what you know it is.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I did that too. I worked since I was thirteen,
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  Speaker 1: so I had work, which can be really busy. I
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: danced most evenings and I played netbule on a Saturday,
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  Speaker 1: So I was like filling my time and finding connections
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  Speaker 1: and purpose outside of just outside of Yeah, I did
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  Speaker 1: what I had to do in school, and I hated it,
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  Speaker 1: and I showed up because I was committed. But then
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: outside of I had other things to bring with joy,
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  Speaker 1: other things to focus on, other connections, other purpose. Otherwise
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  Speaker 1: I would have just felt so dead inside and so stuck.
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  Speaker 1: How you're feeling, Yeah, yeah, yeah, hobbies and connections and yeah,
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: taking care of you. I love the music and I
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: love I mean, in high school we didn't have podcasts,
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: but you want to read books about anxiety. I can't
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  Speaker 1: think of one at the top of my head. But
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: even on YouTube, there's literally thousands of videos you could
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: type in how can I help myself with anxiety? Anxiety?
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: There'll be millions of videos that can pop ups in
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: your lunch when you're feeling lonely or you don't hang out,
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: then you pop your earphones in watch and learn. There's
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: that grow so much.
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: There's a book that's actually about relationships, but it's about
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: attachment styles. It's called Attached by Adam Levine and one.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: This is more about understanding how you interact in intimate
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: relationships with people. But the reason why I recommend it
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: to use because you mentioned you want to learn about relationships.
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  Speaker 2: It will also help you understand yourself how you show
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: up predominantly with the people at school and also your
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: family members and if you were dating at the moment
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: as well. So that will give you, like a such
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: a huge head start on understanding who you are and
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: why that anxiety is like such a big part of
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: your life when it comes to other people.
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  Speaker 1: I wish I learned this stuff. Oh my gosh, I
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: would tell my younger self to stop carrying out everyone
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: else's think and just invest in myself, Like you will
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: be one hundred steps ahead and you'll get so much
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: further than anyone else if you can learn this stuff
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: at a younger age. My goodness, it's exciting for you.
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  Speaker 1: But I also really feel for you. High school's not fun,
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: it's really tough, and you're still getting to know who
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: you are plus all the hormone shifts. Know what's happening
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: at your home life at that stable and safe, Like
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: I hope you've got stable parents, You can chat to
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: and go to as well. But hopefully we've given you
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: a lot of options in here that you can trial.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: But definitely go for your walks. Yeah, start your day
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: with breath and meditation, Start listening to podcasts, even a
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: gratitude journal every day, just starting with three things you're
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: grateful for, extend it out to ten. I read a
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: list on the plane on the way home from Balley
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: of everything I was grateful for. I had like fifty
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: five things. I love that. It's so good to do that,
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: and also wrote a list of things I want to manifest. Yes,
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: and just got me in such a high vibe. I
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: love that. So there's lots of little things you can do.
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  Speaker 1: Really hope that helps.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah. If you have anything else that you are dealing with,
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: any specific situation that's happening, Yeah, specific anything relationships wise,
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: or family or anything like that that's kind of creating
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: this feeling for you, let us know because if we
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: can help, we will. Yeah, And just know that you
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: don't have to do it alone.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: No, We're here for you, especially at your age.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: I remember feeling so alone, Oh my gosh, so alone,
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: and I just I wish that I had had at
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: the time, older women that I had felt safe with,
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: and to lead me and to like hold my hand
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: and go like, hey, it's actually okay, and I doesn't
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: want you to know that. That's like, we can be
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: that for you.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: One so happy to be that for you. Just bring
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: it in, send us a message. We're here for you.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: Alreadie by Chicky