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The Biggest Lie We’re Told About Life Milestones · Hey Hana

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Hello everyone, welcome into Hey Hanna.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Hannah Ostapcha Krauss.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: I hope everyone's having a good week so far.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Once again, I'm coming to you with an audio only episode.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: I really hope that one day I can give you guys a video again.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: But honestly, my baby napping is priority number one.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then, like, what I look like is priority number 35 right now.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I can't get it together in order to do that.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: It takes time to set up.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just never in the mood.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm never in the mood.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: So here we are recording audio only once again.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: I might be here for a few weeks, guys.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Just bear with me.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: I hope my podcasters are coming in strong.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a podcast girl.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I really have always liked to listen to podcasts.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm like, what's the problem?
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: But I do know that there's a party of people out there who love to watch along on Spotify or on YouTube.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: So one day I'll be back.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Mark my words.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: One day I'll be back.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: But today's not that day.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, I hope everyone's having a good week so far.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's so funny.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: I used to give you guys life updates all the time based on my pregnancy.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'd I'd be like, I'm 28 weeks.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I guess I'll do what new moms do and do the week thing.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: We're almost six weeks old now, but by the time you're listening to this.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Very exciting stuff.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Andy is going through a growth spurt, which means she, which means I'm doing crazy things to get her to fall asleep.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: By the way, I don't ever want to be one of those people who's only ever counting weeks forever.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to be like, she's 300 weeks today.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: I can never do the math.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, what does that mean?
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I promise to break it down in months when it makes sense.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: She's a little over a month old.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, if someone just saw me in my house trying to get my daughter to go to sleep, like, oh my gosh, I look like such a psychopath.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that moms everywhere do this, but she's going through a bit of a growth spurt right now, which means she's very hard to get down to take a nap.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: And babies sleep all the time.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: They have to constantly be in a cycle of napping.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: And then when you miss the window, oh, it's like this whole thing, you guys.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: There's like awake window is only supposed to be like 45 to 60 minutes.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: And then if you miss it, which by the way, I just missed it by a frickin' mile.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: She was just awake for almost three hours.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I was really going through it just now, trying to get her to go down.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: She loves the stairs, not herself.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm not insane.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: I walk up and down the stairs and she loves that feeling of the vibration of it's almost like a marching feeling.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's like bouncing.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: By the way, last night at 3 a.m., I was going up and down my stairs trying to get her to go to sleep.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: It was like the second time I woke up in the middle of the night.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: And that's just what moms do, you know?
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: We just do these weird things in the dark and nobody ever knows about it.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that's okay.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: But my whole point is because the stair thing works so well in the middle of the night, I decided to just march around the house instead.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I just marched around for about 40 minutes, finally got her to go to sleep.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Hallelujah.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, we're here.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if anyone relates to this new mom or not.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Wherever you are in your life right now, I don't know if you can relate to this thought.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's so weird to be doing something and missing it while you're doing it.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: I know that makes absolutely no sense.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: But while I'm in this season of life, like while I'm in the newborn stage, everyone's like, the newborn stage is the best.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, make sure you cuddle them all the time, make sure you hold them close all the time.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: And they're right.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: I want to embrace this entire season of her being this little tiny smush and just being so cute and always fitting in just like one arm and always cuddling on my shoulder.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: There's all these cute things.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm also so excited for the next chapter.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really excited when she can hold her head up because then it's like less anxiety as a mom.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm not always so nervous holding her little delicate neck all the time, you know?
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I'm looking forward to next stages while also still missing the one that I'm currently in.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's the weirdest feeling.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: I think when you know something is sacred and special in your life, you want to grip it as much as you possibly can.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: And basically, we have no control over how long it lasts.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it's this weird feeling of knowing one day I'm gonna miss all of it.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm trying to hold on to it.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: But at the same time, I'm also very much looking forward to another chapter.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I joke all the time, but I think that's just motherhood.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: I think I'll always be like, oh, this season is so sweet.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe sometimes I'll be like, this season is crap.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Can't wait for the next one.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: But I do think I'll always be looking forward to a different type of bonding with my child or my future children.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, as you can tell from my 3 a.m.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: marching up and down the stairs routine, I'm still not sleeping a ton.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's to be expected.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I'll get more than like a three-hour chunk of sleep until she's at least two and a half, three months.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Her even being close to like two months old makes me feel like, okay, maybe, maybe I can get to sleep four hours.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know, one of my oldest, dearest friends, Sheila, told me that the baseline to follow is like if they're four weeks old, know that maybe one night that week you'll sleep a four-hour window.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Same with when they're five weeks old.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: You might sleep five hours that night.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: I wish this was true for me.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because that means that I should get a stretch of five hours of sleep.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: I have not.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: But that's okay.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: Sheila gives me hope.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe those days are upon me.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe, maybe they're around the corner.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Who knows?
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, anyways, what's going on with everyone?
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: What's everyone watching these days?
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: I know the Summerhouse drama is crazy pants Central Station.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Every single day I look on my Instagram and there's something new happening.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: West and Amanda at the Yankees game.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you just can't get any more raw than this.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: Her saying, act like you like me, or something like that.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Truly, every girl's worst nightmare is someone catching you saying the dumbest thing on a jumbotron.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like truly abysmal.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I think they're filming the reunion this week.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Andy Cohen admitted that they made some edits for the rest of the season's episodes.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: So you know they're gonna be good.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really excited for those.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: But outside of that, what is everyone watching?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I say this truly every week, but I feel like I'm running low.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: I actually have not been watching a lot of television.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like I just caught up on all my Bravo stuff, meaning Summer House and Beverly Hills.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: I did start watching Rhode Island, but I'm not caught up.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like I haven't been able to get through the first episode.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Not that it's not good.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's I think it'll be fun, but I I just haven't watched it.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Beverly Hills has been fun though, because I've said this before.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: I am like an Erica Jane stan through and through.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: I've just always thought there was something so cool and edgy about Erica.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: She has a type of edge that I could dream of having.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing Erica says is ever wishy-washy.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: She says things like she means it.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I so respect that.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: I've always respected that.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Now, watching the scene of her and Derit in the season finale was really funny because Erica was talking like she was in the mafia, but you know, I didn't hate it.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: I was weirdly on the edge of my seat the whole time.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: I've been really into the past couple episodes because I'm fascinated by the fight between Derit, Kyle, and Erica.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I think Kyle and Erica are both a little cuckoo for Coco Puffs right now.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: They are both going through it and both just acting sort of weird.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Dorit, I've always thought was just unrelatable.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: She's so glamorous.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: And there's certain things where I'm like, I just don't know if I would ever vibe with someone like Dorite.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: She's just like unrelatable is the best word.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but of course, there's Kyle who has been on the show forever and has always come off a little bit more relatable and like level-headed with the viewer.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: But I think they're both being, like I said, a little crazy right now.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Erica, meanwhile, has this ability to say exactly what she's thinking without skipping a beat or using any filler words.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I just find that so admirable.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: I wish that I could do something like that.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: It reminds me of Bethany Frankel.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: Bethany Frankel has that same ability to just say exactly how she feels.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: And it could be cutting, but she says it in a way that's like, oh, you know exactly what she meant.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: She didn't overexaggerate or add any fluff to what she just said.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: So for that reason, I've always been on Team Erica in any argument.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Now, sometimes she's also gone a little crazy, but hello, she's a housewife, she has to, you know, it's part of the game.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: But okay, that's really the extent of my TV watching abilities lately.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I have been meeting to start the new season of Neighbors and Friends.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Did anyone watch that first season?
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's on Apple TV.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's with John Hamm.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: I found it to be an excellent show.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: I thought it was really fun.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Olivia Munn is in it too.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's one of those shows where the main character isn't necessarily the best guy, but you're rooting for him the entire time.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: The writing of the show made him really likable, even though the entire time he's sort of digging himself into a deeper hole.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: And you just like want him to win the entire season, even though you're watching him make poor decision after poor decision.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I forget where we even left off, but Peter and I watched that season one and we were really into it.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: I know that season two is out.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: So has anyone watched it?
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: Is it good?
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: I really haven't heard any rumblings about it, but we're definitely going to be diving into that.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when we catch some sleep.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: Peter and I both keep doing this thing where we're like, let's watch a movie tonight.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: It'll be so fun to watch a movie tonight.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: And then it hits like eight o'clock, and then somehow it's 11 p.m.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't understand.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: Our s I swear our clocks are broken.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: It goes from eight o'clock to 11 o'clock, and we have no like the the night is over and there's no time to watch a movie.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: But funny enough, one of the reasons why I wanted to talk about today's topic was because I had this thought while I was watching the season finale of Beverly Hills.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's not at all a main storyline, but Kyle's daughter is getting married.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: And at the same time, Bose had gotten engaged.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Both were so fun to watch.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: I actually wish that we saw more of Kyle's wedding planning.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's just so fun to see someone else do it.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what that is, but it's always fun to see someone else get into the decision-making process of weddings and all of that jazz.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: With that being said, I had this thought about how when I was chronically single, I used to always think about the fact that I had all of those milestones still in front of me.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: And it would give me hope.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: When I would be feeling a little bit down about being single, like when I would look at my friends who were married and had babies, had a house and they had engagements and bachelorette parties and all of these fun things, I would think all of those days are still ahead of me.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's so exciting.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what I used to think.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: And now that thought hit me when I was watching Kyle sort of plan her daughter's wedding with her.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Cause they were like, Oh, you're a bride, you're a bride.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: And they did the same thing with Bose when they were talking about her engagement.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: They were like, We have a bride with us.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: I had this eureka moment where I was like, wait, I was a bride.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if anyone else feels this way.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: When you're in the milestone, it never feels like you're in the milestone.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: It just feels like another day.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: And now that those milestones are actually behind me, which is crazy.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: I just put that together when I was watching this episode.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, wait a minute, I already am engaged and married and have a baby.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like these are all these things I was looking forward to for so long.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: And they happen pretty quickly.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: But it just made me realize that almost no one tells you that the best part of your life are not these milestones.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: I think it dawned on me because, you know, as women, as girls, we spend our whole lives dreaming about these big milestones.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we play Barbies, we watch shows about getting married, celebrate our friends to the nth degree when it's their season to get married.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God, don't even get me started on the Bachelorette culture these days.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I should do an episode on that because I have so many thoughts.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: But I have a few points I want to make about the fact that we live our life circled around these milestones and sort of getting our validation of our confidence based on these milestones.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: I just use that example of like, I really spent my entire 20s doing that.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: And that made me look at the glass half full, right?
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was like, oh, I have some of the best memories ahead of me.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's so exciting.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's almost fascinating to realize, like, now that those days are behind me, I don't feel like this sounds so bad.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, my wedding, I loved so much.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, I I feel like so sacred about my engagement and that day in particular.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing will ever compare to having a baby and all of these things.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: But it's, and this sounds so cheesy, but it just made me realize it's those little moments in between all of it that matter the most.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I have to err on the side of this sounding completely idiotic because of course life should not be centered around these big milestones.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: But I think a lot of us girls grow up believing that life happens in chapters.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a little bit of a mind game because we all start off on the same chapters, right?
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like we all go to elementary school, middle school, high school together.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Some of us go to college.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's still an educational phase of life, even if we don't actually continue our academic studies, right?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: We're all still just like learning and figuring out what we want to do.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then we graduate, we get a job, we get our first big girl job, we travel.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's like, oh, well, once I get that first job, once I do that big trip, once I go to Europe or once I go overseas, once I get engaged and once I get married, once I buy a house, we all think that's when life really starts.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: I used to think this all the time.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: And again, this sounds so childlike in a way because it's so obvious.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: But I think we have to remind ourselves the message underneath all of that is that these biggest moments are supposed to be the most meaningful ones.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like these are the seasons that we've been waiting for.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: But what nobody really tells us is that those moments are actually very, very short compared to the moments that are happening all around them.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I think one of the biggest lies that we've been told is that these life milestones are where the crux of our happiness lives.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like my wedding day was the happiest day of my life.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: And like, of course, it was one of the happiest days of my life.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: But also, I think I'll still, even though I feel like I'm in the thick of it right now with putting my baby to sleep, I think I'll still look fondly back on me marching around my house or going up and down the stairs at 3 a.m.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: to get Andy to go to sleep.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: I think that I will think fondly back to that as well.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Peter and I had our first date night after the baby because my mom is still in town, and we took advantage and we were like, we gotta go out, we gotta do something.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: We went out with friends and we made it so early and quick that afterwards we were like, okay, we have really only been gone like an hour and a half.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like, there's more we can do.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: We got dessert and sat in the car and watched the sunset.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: We parked by the lake.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: I say that because that to me was such a meaningful moment, and that was something I so want to remember.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: It was such a happy, memorable moment to me without it being this big milestone.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I'm not saying that these milestones don't matter.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's not what I'm saying at all.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, they're beautiful, they're so exciting, and they're wildly important in our lives.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: But I guess me being on the opposite side of them is me just realizing it's not where most of your life actually takes place.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's not where most of your memorable moments take place.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I bring this up because I feel like it's still so important to celebrate all of those little moments too, the same way you would celebrate these big milestones.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, jumping into this, my first point in all of this is that we grow up thinking that life happens in chapters.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like I just said, we are talking about graduation, your first job, your engagement, your wedding, having a baby, buying a house, getting that job you've always dreamed of.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: And we know this structure through every freaking movie we've ever seen in our lives, or just like on social media.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: People are always celebrating their big wins, their big days, and you're like, I want to get that.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I've done this since Instagram came around.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: I would like stalk other people and see what they were doing and be like, I want that.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: How can I not get that?
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: It still happens right now.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: Peter and I are looking for a house and we're looking at the houses that, you know, obviously that show up on Instagram.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Our algorithms are showing us homes, beautiful homes.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then we'll see that the people who have redesigned these homes or bought these homes are like younger than us.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, Wait, what?
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: How did they do that?
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: How did they get their lives together in order to do that?
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we cannot, we don't have the time, the capacity, the money, the bandwidth, like all of it to make that happen.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: So it's so easy to compare yourself.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: And and I say to myself, like, oh, I'll be able to really make a house a home when we're in our own home, like when we when we're in the house that we bought.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: I still find myself doing that.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: But Pinterest is another one.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I have always looked at Pinterest for inspiration on what I want for my own life, thus just comparing myself to everything I see on there.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: We also have just like family expectations.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: If you're like me, your parents got married really young, they had kids really young, and you sort of can compare yourself to that and think, okay, I need to hit this chapter or this milestone in order to feel X, Y, and Z.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, we think of life happening in chapters instead of just days.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like we should just be living in days, in day to day and not in chapter to chapter.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because every chapter for every person is gonna obviously look different.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: We're all gonna hit it differently.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: I guess we should think of it as like how do I say this?
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: I guess we should think of it more as milestones or transitions and not as these final points, like not as these destinations.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: We should look at them more as transitions.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: If you're anything like me, when you have that mentality that you're waiting for a next chapter to start, you're sort of lagging in the chapter that you're in.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a mind game.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard to not do that.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: But we just have to remember that milestones change your life.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: They don't necessarily fill it.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like these milestone seasons come and go so, so, so quickly.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: I remember being in so many weddings in my 20s and being like, wow, one day it's gonna be my turn.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: This is what I'm gonna do for a bachelorette, and this is what I'm gonna do for a baby shower and all of that.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then it comes, and you're just like so happy with your I mean, for me, when it all came, I was just so happy that it arrived that I didn't give a rip about any of that stuff.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I didn't want a bachelor party at all.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't want a bridal shower.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't want any of that stuff because it just seemed like extra fluff that took away from what I was actually looking forward to.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't know, just thinking of all the times that you celebrate other people and you're like, oh my God, you're a bride.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's such a big deal.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, it's a big deal and it should obviously be celebrated, just like we've celebrated all of the people in our lives who have hit those milestones.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to think of another example.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so when I got engaged, I found out, you guys know this, I'm sure by now.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: I found out a week later I was pregnant.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: Separately from that thought, I have always written in a journal.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: I've written in a journal since I was like 14 years old.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: I love looking back on my old journals.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: They're so funny to me.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: Some of them are really sad, some of them are really hilarious, and it's just like a fun thing for me to do and look back on, but it's also my therapy.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: I love to write down exactly how I feel and I just sort of like ebb and flow through my thoughts.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I normally finish my journal entry in like a really good mood, right?
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I would always do this when I was like feeling down and out, or if I was just like, you know, had some great things happening and I wanted to remember it.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: You would have thought I had written like three journals in the past year because I've had so many moments that I want to remember.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, my engagement being one of them, obviously finding out I'm pregnant, obviously getting married, obviously having baby girl Andy.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: But you guys, I have not written in a journal once.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: Not once.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not because those big milestones aren't massive things that I want to remember every detail of.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's just that I found that living in the moment of those and living in the day-to-day before and after all of them was fulfilling me more in this season.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think I used to look at those things like they were these big glamorous objects.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then once you're in it, you're like, oh, well, I'm just happy.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like you just feel content.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: So you don't feel like you need all of the celebratory rah-rah stuff, too, you know?
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes it doesn't even feel like that big of a milestone.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: Which brings me to my second point.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: The second reason why no one tells you that the best parts of your life are not these big milestones is because the best parts of your life are usually invisible while they're happening.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: If you think of your day-to-day routines, like the things that you love to do, what are they?
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure there's something like seeing your best friends, hanging out with your friends.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure you have like routines that you do with your friends, right?
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: Whether that's getting a drink with them on Friday nights, seeing them midweek for a dinner, maybe it's just hanging out with your family, you see your parents on the weekends, or it's going for walks by yourself.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like we all have those routines that we love and overlook deeply.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: So your friendship routines, your ordinary mornings, you know, making your coffee and having your quiet time.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's your commute to work.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's when you listen to your podcast, you listen to your your music, and you just have me time.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's your weekly traditions, things that you and your partner do, or you and your family do, or you do totally alone every week.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: You go to the farmer's market, you go for a walk in a park, you go for a la drive, you watch your favorite show, any pad tie.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: But you get what I'm saying.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: This could literally be anything.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: This could be having a certain meal.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: This could be going to church.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, going to the gym.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's even just texting in a group chat.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like one of your favorite things is your friend group chat or your family group chat or your sister group chat.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's all about the comfort of that activity when you do it.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's like the thing you do each.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Week.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's the reason why TV shows air once a week.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: They want to build that level of comfort with you in your home.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: They want you to sit down and get in the habit of turning the TV on to that channel on Thursday nights and da-da-da-da-da-da.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's the same thing that happens in our personal lives where you have that feeling of belonging sometime in the week.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: So again, whether that's going to your book club with your friends, going on that walk you love to go on in the middle of the week.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: This is why these ordinary seasons feel small.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: But then do you ever notice that they get like, I get so nostalgic for them later?
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: And you never know when you're in that season how long it's gonna last.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: So that's another tricky part of it too.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's the season of stability that you've created for yourself, whether or not you even feel stable in it.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then you get used to it, and inevitably something changes.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: Someone moves away, routines change, someone gets a new job, you find a new park you like to walk through, whatever the case is.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: My point is that these moments don't have this like big loudness that the milestones do.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: They don't really like announce themselves while they're happening, they just happen slowly but surely every single week.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: My gosh, like, do you ever hear that theory that you never have any good photos with your best friend?
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: I think this is so true.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: I got a picture of me and my best girlfriends at my wedding, because of course, which by the way, one of them had to tell me to do because I forgot, Haley.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: Haley was like, Hey, and I get a picture of all of us.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh duh.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God, thank you.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: So we did, we got a few, but like, I don't have any photos of me and my best girlfriends unless we we all like did a trip together like four years ago.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's literally like the last time I have photos of all of us.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we get together, I'm just like so excited to see them.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: And we all look like doo-doo when we see each other.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like none of us give a crap about what the other person looks like or where we are or what we're doing.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: So we all just get together like doing these random things and nobody ever wants to like remember the moment because you're just in it, right?
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm talking about.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: That thing of just enjoying the moment without realizing, oh, this is gonna be something that I'm gonna miss later.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: You don't even realize it because you're just so deeply in it and enjoying it.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: And the last point I want to make here is that when you stop waiting for these milestones, like you cut off that mentality of waiting for them, you feel like your life starts a little bit sooner instead of the, oh, I'll feel settled when I sell the apartment, or I'll have people over when I get a bigger space.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God, I used to say that all the time.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: When I was living in my New York City apartment, obviously it was a shoebox.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I would be like, I can't wait till I can host people in a house and have everyone over and do it the way that my mom has always done it, because we're big on hosting.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like our house has always been a revolving door, right?
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: People always come into the house.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: We always have put food out.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: We're an Italian family.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: I used to really look forward to the season where I could do that same thing.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: And now that I'm entering that season, I'm in that season.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: I still am like, gosh, it was so sweet when I was in my little apartment.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I would have friends over, obviously, and I would still try to host them.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: And it was just like me doing the best that I could with what I had at the time.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: And it was so great.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: It was such a sweet, sometimes heavy, but just like dynamic season of my life.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: And my life was changing constantly in that apartment.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: I was growing so much.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes people think like, I'll start traditions when I have kids, or I'll start traditions when I have someone to share them with.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's another thing.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: I used to think I'll enjoy Christmas when I have a partner.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: I've never really been obsessed with Christmas.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: I just like, I think I'm a child of divorce and I just always have to go from house to house, you know?
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: And obviously Christmas is fun and jolly and all.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: But it I've never been, you know what I mean, one of those Christmas girls.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm always sort of waiting for the day to be over with.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I used to say, I'll enjoy it again when I have kids.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, how often do people buy homes and then they don't want to have a house party or something?
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: Or they don't want to have like a housewarming party or even have any friends over until the house is totally done, right?
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, we'll have people over when we get the couch where people can sit, or let's plan ahead to the Super Bowl.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe we'll have people over for them because we'll feel settled by then.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's like choosing when you're gonna feel confident, which when you really zoom out, is a little crazy pants.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: Touching on that example, by the way, I always think of my grandma.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, her name was Marie.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: She her and I were so freaking close.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: She was my granny.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I called her.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: And um, one of my favorite stories was that her and my poppy expanded their house and they had a huge housewarming party before they had any furniture in the house.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: She did it intentionally because she was like, You don't even who needs furniture?
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just fill it with people, which I think is so fun.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: She loved having parties and was so fabulous.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: But I think sometimes we need to look at life that way and think like you can celebrate anything without it being perfect.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be this huge thing of like, yeah, we got a we got a new house.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: Look at our perfect show house.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: Everything is just as you'd see it in a catalog.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's totally finished.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't need to look like that, you know?
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: It could just be what the house looks like when you buy it.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, you want to redo half of the rooms in the house, but let's just celebrate the house right now, you know?
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's where Instagram comes in and gets so toxic because we see people who present everything perfectly and everything's finalized and looks great.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like sometimes life is just not that way.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: And it's okay.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes the best part about getting to that is the process of getting there, you know?
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's the part that should be remembered.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's the part that should be documented.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's that thing of remembering that like belonging in a season or feeling confident in a season of your life comes from repetition, like comes from those routines and seeing your friends every Thursday night or going for that walk every Sunday morning, not the readiness, not the like, okay, we made it.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: We signed the deal, we're moving to the city.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like whatever that big milestone looks like for you that you've been waiting for.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's all of these things that like quietly grow at your core while you're working to that milestone, you know?
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then once you get the milestone, you've been so busy like working around it that you forget that you don't see all of the fluff around that milestone anymore.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: You just are happy that you hit it, you know?
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: And you're on to the next one.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's really how I felt about my wedding.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like I wasn't, I didn't want all of these like certain stereotypical things because I just wasn't focused on it anymore.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like I just didn't care about that.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_00: I was just so happy to be in love.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: I am happy to be in love that that's what I wanted to celebrate, not any of these cultural things that people tell you that you need to do that come around the milestone.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, it sounds so cheesy, but this is just your reminder that every milestone you're working to is already underway and it's already happening.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then when you get to it, you're gonna be so like, oh, oh my God, I did it.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I knew I was gonna do it.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: All right, what am what am I doing for dinner?
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like you're gonna be so like obviously that the big milestone won't feel as shiny and glamorous.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a good thing.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's a good thing to celebrate.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's a good thing not to put that on a pedestal anymore and just to like observe how much you've grown since the last milestone.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because yeah, everything that you are waiting for is really already happening.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_00: So cheesy.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: Oh Milanta.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's so cheesy, but it's just so true.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: One day I'm gonna write in my journal.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: I literally bought a journal because I was like, Hannah, I need to remember.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: I need to like write down details and I need to remember these days.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't even want to go back and write about my wedding day or the engagement day.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, I'm sure I'll write a few things about them, but not to the extent that I thought that I would lead up to that.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: But instead, I actually really want to write down, I was thinking, I want to write down like just one or two notes of things that happen every day.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: This is a pipe dream because I ordered the journal on Amazon, the new journal I need, and it's still in the wrapping sitting next to my bed.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_00: So baby steps, you know?
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_00: At least I ordered it.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um but I was like, I should just start every day labeling the day and writing one sweet memory I have from that day, because these little days of building a life with Peter and with Andy and this new family we created, and me getting used to living in the Midwest and having my second ever Midwest summer.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like, there's just little moments I want to remember that I think are so funny and sweet.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_00: And those are the things that I know that I'll look back on and cherish years, decades from now.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, not those big milestones that I've been working endlessly to meet or praying for.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so the dog barked and my baby woke up.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna wrap this up.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, if there's ever anything that you guys want to hear me talk about on this podcast, I would love to hear from you and to hear which topics you'd like me to cover.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like every week I just touch on something that's like sort of on my mind.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_00: But if there's ever something where you were like, oh, I this is something I'm dealing with, or this is something I'm working on, and um I would love to like hear about it and talk about it, I'm all ears.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_00: So let me know what's on your mind, and hopefully we'll go from there.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: But thank you guys for listening.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: I hope everyone has a great week ahead, and I'll talk to you soon.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_00: Bye for now.