Latest / The Pressing Play Podcast / Ep4 Pressing Play on this is not a Midlife Crisis. It's a Coronation
Transcript
- Jo Fiddy: Hello and welcome to the Pressing Play podcast. I'm your host, Jo Fiddy, and I am thrilled, delighted and grateful that you are tuning in today. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the comments, for sharing, for listening to the episodes of the Pressing Play podcast. It is confirmation, isn't it, that we want a different story. Women in midlife going through perimenopause. We want another version of events. And it's just fantastic that you are tuning in by the numbers. And I'm so grateful you are here. So I'm just back now from my Easter holidays, feeling rested as one can be with children. And there's a book that I've been reading, rereading actually, that I absolutely love. And this book is well, this book is the inspiration behind today's podcast. So let's get started, shall we? How many times have you heard the word banded around midlife crisis? You're having a midlife crisis. Those words that are used to describe somebody when they want to do something different, or maybe you sometimes do something and you're like, ⁓ no, I'm having a midlife crisis. Especially as we're getting older. It might feel like you can't do what you want to do. Maybe there's a dream that you want to do and it's holding you back, this label. So in this episode, my hope for you is that you will realize and see that you are not having a midlife crisis. You are having a midlife awakening and it's time for you to wear the crown. Let's get started and press play. ⁓ So as you know, if you listen to episodes one and two, I absolutely ⁓ love to do a little bit of a history lesson and understand why we think and feel the way we do. So let's start at the beginning because I think it matters. The term midlife crisis was actually coined in 1965 by a man called Elliot Jacques. He was like a psychoanalyst and he wrote a paper about midlife, studying creative geniuses going through a difficult patch in their 30s and 40s. So he was looking for instance at Dante. Michelangelo, Shakespeare, Beethoven, and these were all men. Now that paper went into an academic journal and basically disappeared Then in 1976, everything shifted. An American journalist and author, Gail Sheehy, published a book called, Passages, And Gail expanded the narrative of the crisis. And what made it powerful was she didn't just study she studied people. In fact, Gail Sheehy interviewed hundreds of men and women. And what she saw, particularly in women, was not decline, it was disruption. And maybe you were feeling that too. Women who have spent decades in roles, being the wife, the mother, the supporter, and then you feel something shift. You start questioning yourself. And I see this a lot in the work I do with women. That questioning who... Am I now? And I love this question, the golden question, what do I want? You know, what is mine? And you might be finding yourself thinking, I wasn't put on this beautiful, extraordinary planet to live another person's life. I want to create something for myself. I want to have some purpose. for myself. And what Gail Sheehy was calling a crisis, she was actually describing a turning point, an awakening, a structure that was no longer fitting. And when she interviewed men, ⁓ midlife felt like a delusionment. ⁓ Now, Passages sold 10 million copies ⁓ and it stayed up there for three But her work was challenged. It was dismissed seen as pop psychology. And at the time, the more psychological models particularly those based on male development, became the serious version. And it kind of moves down into that cliche that we now know of men in fast cars, in sports cars, driving around. But originally there was another idea behind it. So let's just think about that, that awakening, that moment where you think there's more to come. Or maybe you've reached this point and you're thinking, I thought it would be better than this. Well, let's keep talking and pressing play on what's next. Because now let's fast forward, because this is where it gets really interesting, my friends. I want to talk about a woman who I think has one of the most important voices this conversation right now. Her name is Eleanor Mills. She's a former editorial director of the Sunday Times, founder of Noon and author of the Times bestseller, ⁓ Much More to Come, which I love and highly recommend. And if you're watching this, you will see my copy. ⁓ definitely came on holiday with me. I just think it's fantastic. and you may know Eleanor for creating the word Queenager You Queenager, which has sparked a generation. I feel that just resonates, don't you, in that Queenager energy. And what she shows is this. The narrative we've been given about midlife women is completely out of date. Women in midlife today, we are not fading. We're not declining. we are in many ways at our most powerful. And let me give you some stats here to further empower you, Queenagers In the UK alone, there are millions of women in midlife driving economic decisions, controlling significant spending power, leading businesses, raising families, holding entire ecosystems together. These women, Queenagers 8.5 million of them, we are not alone my friends, in the UK alone, spend 92 billion annually They are behind 95 % of all household consumer purchasing decisions. And did you know two thirds say they would be far more likely to buy from brands that actually speak to them. And if you are a brand manager listening to this now, hear this, the queenager is the most economically powerful generation of women in history. So you have a generation of women who are more experienced than ever, more economically powerful than ever, because here's what I want to bring back to you. Eleanor Mills names this Not as a crisis, but a transition into what she calls the Queenager phase. Yes. Imagine everything that you have lived through. Everything that you have been through. She calls Queenagers forged. in fire, Everything you thought would break you has built you into becoming the that you are now. And I want to ask you something right now. When you look at your own life, the things you've carried, the things you've survived, the times you've rebuilt from nothing, does that sound like a crisis to you? You are going into a midlife coronation. You are gaining your crown, not because someone's giving it to you, but because you have earned it. You are stepping into your queenager era. And if you're sitting here right now thinking it's too late, no, ⁓ I can't do that. I'm over 40, it's not gonna happen. Let me reframe something for you. There's a book called The Hundred Year Life by Linda Gratton and Andrew Scott. And I absolutely love their perspective. We are living longer than any generation before us. But we're still following a script that was designed for much shorter life. So midlife gets framed as a decline when actually it's the middle. So if you are in your 40s listening this now, ⁓ you are at the end, you are in Q2. You are in the second quarter and the second quarter is when you stop performing and start choosing. Okay, so let's bring this together. You were not here to shrink. You were not here to disappear. There's not anything going wrong with you. And maybe you feel that the life you've built no longer is fitting who you are becoming. The questions you're asking, That's awareness. So no, you are not having a midlife crisis. You are having a midlife coronation. If something in you has been shifting, if you've been feeling that quiet sense that something isn't quite right anymore, I want you to hear this. You are not broken, you are not behind, and you are not losing yourself. You are meeting a version of yourself that requires something new. More truth, more honesty, more of you. This isn't where your life pauses. This is where it changes. You are in Q2. You are a Queenager You are being crowned. Press play. I don't know where you are right now as you're listening to this. Maybe you're driving, maybe you're walking, maybe you're sitting in a life that feels too small and you can't explain why. I just want you to know that feeling isn't the problem. That feeling is the beginning of press play. And if you are ready to press play, come and join me at ⁓ look forward to speaking to you next week. Bye.