Latest / WholeHeart Conversations / What Job Teaches About Grief And Support
Transcript
- 0:00Constance Lavonice: In the Old Testament, there was a man named Job.
- 0:04Constance Lavonice: Job was a very wealthy man.
- 0:07Constance Lavonice: He had a wife, seven sons, and three daughters.
- 0:12Constance Lavonice: Job was described as blameless and upright, fearing God and turning away from evil, the greatest of all the men of the East.
- 0:24Constance Lavonice: In one day, Job lost everything, his wealth, children, and then he lost his health.
- 0:35Constance Lavonice: You can read about Job in the book of Job.
- 0:39Constance Lavonice: The book of Job reveals a lot about grief and emotional and physical overwhelm and how it applies to us today.
- 0:51Constance Lavonice: And that's what I want to talk about.
- 0:54Constance Lavonice: If you're new here, welcome.
- 0:56Constance Lavonice: And if you've been here with me each week, I appreciate you.
- 1:01Constance Lavonice: This is Whole Heart Conversations, a podcast for women discussing biblical faith, mental health, and whole heart, spirit, soul, and body resilience.
- 1:14Constance Lavonice: I'm your host, Constance Lavonice.
- 1:18Constance Lavonice: As I just mentioned, Job had seven sons and three daughters, and he was a very wealthy man.
- 1:26Constance Lavonice: And when you look at chapter 1 of Job in verses 6 and 7, it reads, There was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came among them.
- 1:45Constance Lavonice: And the Lord said to Satan, From where do you come?
- 1:50Constance Lavonice: Satan answered the Lord and said, From roaming about on the earth and walking around on it.
- 1:59Constance Lavonice: That's interesting because we know in 1 Peter chapter 5, verse 8, he warns us to be sober and be vigilant, because our adversary, the devil, walks around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.
- 2:20Constance Lavonice: And he's also referred to as the God of this age.
- 2:26Constance Lavonice: That's in 2 Corinthians chapter 4, verse 4.
- 2:31Constance Lavonice: And in verse 8, the Lord said to Satan, Have you considered my servant Job?
- 2:40Constance Lavonice: For there is no one like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, fearing God and turning away from evil.
- 2:49Constance Lavonice: So Satan is here accusing Job of only fearing God because of all the blessings that God had bestowed on Job.
- 3:01Constance Lavonice: And then he tells God in verse eleven, but reach out with your hand now and touch all that he has.
- 3:13Constance Lavonice: He will certainly curse you to your face.
- 3:18Constance Lavonice: Satan was allowed to test Job.
- 3:24Constance Lavonice: Satan had two conversations with God.
- 3:28Constance Lavonice: Following the first conversation, Job lost all of his livestock.
- 3:34Constance Lavonice: Some were stolen in raids, and others killed in a fire.
- 3:40Constance Lavonice: Most of Job's servants were also killed, and all of his children died when a great wind struck the home of his oldest son, where they were all gathered having a feast.
- 3:57Constance Lavonice: And then as we follow along in verse twenty of chapter one, after it all, Job got up, tore his robe, and shaved his head.
- 4:15Constance Lavonice: Then he fell to the ground and worshiped God.
- 4:20Constance Lavonice: So after all of this, losing everything he had, Job worshiped God.
- 4:29Constance Lavonice: Now, following the second conversation, Job was stricken with boils from the sole of his foot to the top of his head.
- 4:43Constance Lavonice: Boils are painful and they're filled with pus.
- 4:47Constance Lavonice: So Job was in pain all over his body.
- 4:53Constance Lavonice: And it says in verse eight of chapter two, Job took a piece of pottery to scrape himself while he was sitting in the ashes.
- 5:07Constance Lavonice: He was grieving.
- 5:09Constance Lavonice: And then his wife said to him, Do you still hold firm your integrity?
- 5:19Constance Lavonice: Curse God and die.
- 5:21Constance Lavonice: But despite all of this, Job did not sin with his lips.
- 5:30Constance Lavonice: So here we are, Job has lost everything except his wife, and he's even lost his health.
- 5:40Constance Lavonice: And as we move along to chapter two, Job's three friends hear about all the adversity that has come upon Job, and they came, each one from his own place, Eliphaz, the Temanite, Bildad, the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamanthite, and they made an appointment together to come to sympathize with Job and comfort him.
- 6:16Constance Lavonice: And when they looked from a distance and saw Job, they didn't recognize him.
- 6:22Constance Lavonice: And they raised their voices and wept.
- 6:26Constance Lavonice: And each of them tore his robe and they threw dust over their heads toward the sky.
- 6:34Constance Lavonice: So when Job's friends saw him and they couldn't recognize him, they also grieved.
- 6:44Constance Lavonice: And then they sat down on the ground with Job for seven days and seven nights, with no one speaking a word to him, for they saw that his pain was very great.
- 7:03Constance Lavonice: So Job's friends are grieving with him because they cared about Job.
- 7:11Constance Lavonice: When Job finally opened his mouth, he cursed the day of his birth.
- 7:18Constance Lavonice: And that's when the friends' good intentions went awry.
- 7:24Constance Lavonice: So here we have Job full of grief and physical pain, and his friends there to comfort him.
- 7:36Constance Lavonice: And as Job begins to talk in their efforts to provide comfort, they instead accuse Job of doing something bad, being wicked, assigned blame.
- 7:57Constance Lavonice: I don't know what you did, but you had to have done something.
- 8:02Constance Lavonice: They criticized Job, they argued with Job, and they condemned Job for the way he was talking.
- 8:13Constance Lavonice: Job was in pain.
- 8:17Constance Lavonice: I don't know if you've ever been in a state of grief or physical pain, and when God seems distant from you, but Job was in that place.
- 8:37Constance Lavonice: And his friends, as they continued to talk before long, they became a source of pain to Job.
- 8:53Constance Lavonice: In chapter 16, verse 2, Job responds, I have heard many things like these.
- 9:02Constance Lavonice: Miserable comforters are you all.
- 9:07Constance Lavonice: So Job referred to his friends as miserable comforters.
- 9:15Constance Lavonice: So this brings me to the lesson for this message.
- 9:23Constance Lavonice: When you're in a situation where you can be a comforter to someone, like Job's friends are with Job.
- 9:36Constance Lavonice: How are you?
- 9:39Constance Lavonice: What do you say and do to comfort someone in grief and pain, whether it's mental, emotional, or even spiritual?
- 9:57Constance Lavonice: Here are some things that I gleaned from reading Job that can apply to us whenever we're in this situation.
- 10:09Constance Lavonice: And the first is it's okay to be silent.
- 10:15Constance Lavonice: Job friends, because of Job's grief and the heaviness of his grief, they didn't know what to say.
- 10:24Constance Lavonice: So they sat with Job in silence.
- 10:28Constance Lavonice: Silence is okay.
- 10:31Constance Lavonice: It's okay to be silent and to just be present with someone.
- 10:39Constance Lavonice: Proverbs 10 verse 19 says, In the multitude of words, sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise.
- 10:54Constance Lavonice: Job's friends saw his pain, was great.
- 11:00Constance Lavonice: And when someone is in pain or going through something unimaginable, it triggers our flight or fight system.
- 11:12Constance Lavonice: That's why sometimes people just disappear when bad things are happening because they don't know what to say or to do.
- 11:22Constance Lavonice: And it's triggering for them.
- 11:25Constance Lavonice: Secondly, it's okay to not know the answers.
- 11:33Constance Lavonice: We're not God.
- 11:35Constance Lavonice: Isaiah chapter 55, verses 8 through 9 says, For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, declares the Lord.
- 11:48Constance Lavonice: For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
- 11:58Constance Lavonice: We're not God.
- 12:00Constance Lavonice: There's some things we just don't know.
- 12:03Constance Lavonice: So it's okay not to know.
- 12:07Constance Lavonice: You don't have to know.
- 12:10Constance Lavonice: All you have to do sometimes is to be present or let them know that you're thinking of them.
- 12:19Constance Lavonice: The third thing that I noticed was that Job's friends had an answer in their own mind, their own contemplations.
- 12:32Constance Lavonice: Now, to their credit, they thought they were being helpful, but in the case of all of his friends, but Eliphaz, he accuses Job.
- 12:46Constance Lavonice: And in chapter 4, verse 8, he says, but as for me, I would seek God and I will make my plea before God.
- 12:58Constance Lavonice: So Eliphaz was looking through his own eyes what he would do.
- 13:07Constance Lavonice: Unsolicited advice.
- 13:10Constance Lavonice: When you're sitting in the presence of someone who's grieving greatly or going through mental, emotional, or physical pain, try to see things from their perspective, not yours.
- 13:34Constance Lavonice: They're going through the situation.
- 13:38Constance Lavonice: You don't know what they should do unless you asked God, and God told you specifically what this person should do.
- 13:53Constance Lavonice: And if you asked God, God is going to reveal it to that person.
- 14:01Constance Lavonice: So make it about the person being there.
- 14:08Constance Lavonice: And that was the original intention of Job's friends to be there, to comfort him, to show compassion.
- 14:20Constance Lavonice: You don't have to explain it.
- 14:22Constance Lavonice: Some people think, you know, I have to go there and I have to explain it.
- 14:26Constance Lavonice: I have to make it make sense.
- 14:28Constance Lavonice: You don't, because you don't know.
- 14:31Constance Lavonice: So validate.
- 14:35Constance Lavonice: Just validate their experience, whatever they're saying.
- 14:41Constance Lavonice: Deuteronomy chapter 29, verse 29 says, the secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.
- 15:01Constance Lavonice: So be there for them.
- 15:05Constance Lavonice: Make it about the person and not you.
- 15:09Constance Lavonice: Sometimes we're good at doing that.
- 15:12Constance Lavonice: We get there and we say, Don't cry, or you're going to make me cry.
- 15:17Constance Lavonice: Well, is it about them or is it about us?
- 15:22Constance Lavonice: Because tears are therapeutic.
- 15:26Constance Lavonice: And it's not your job to make them feel better.
- 15:31Constance Lavonice: So just take the pressure off yourself.
- 15:35Constance Lavonice: Our job in this instance is to be a support as they walk through the pain.
- 15:45Constance Lavonice: Another thing is when someone is grieving, give practical help.
- 15:54Constance Lavonice: I hear people saying, if you need something, call me.
- 16:00Constance Lavonice: Well, they're not going to call you.
- 16:03Constance Lavonice: When their mind is occupied with pain, their body is in pain, they're not going to naturally think to call you.
- 16:16Constance Lavonice: So if there's something that you can think of that you think may be helpful for that person, then do it.
- 16:25Constance Lavonice: I've been in situations physically with a physical illness when people just came and offered services.
- 16:37Constance Lavonice: I either accepted it or I didn't.
- 16:42Constance Lavonice: But most of the time I accepted their help.
- 16:46Constance Lavonice: I've had people ask me, can they do cleaning?
- 16:49Constance Lavonice: I didn't accept that.
- 16:52Constance Lavonice: But I've had gift cards, Uber Eat cards, whatever it might be, if you think they need groceries, then buy the groceries and drop it off.
- 17:03Constance Lavonice: Don't wait for them to ask you.
- 17:06Constance Lavonice: Give practical help.
- 17:08Constance Lavonice: If you see a need, meet a need.
- 17:12Constance Lavonice: And so try not to make judgments about why someone is going through what they're going through because the judgment is not helpful.
- 18:05Constance Lavonice: It's helpful to be there for that person and again to validate their experience.
- 18:15Constance Lavonice: And the most important thing we can do is to pray.
- 18:22Constance Lavonice: Psalm 34, 18 says, the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit.
- 18:31Constance Lavonice: So when you have the occasion to minister to someone who is grieving or experiencing pain, mental, emotional, physical, be there for them without any preconceived judgments or need to know why.
- 18:54Constance Lavonice: Aim to be a compassionate support.
- 18:59Constance Lavonice: And instead of becoming a source of pain, be a source of comfort.
- 19:07Constance Lavonice: And if you stayed to the end, please subscribe and share with a friend so that more women can become aware of WholeHeart Conversations and text the show and let me know what's on your heart.