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From Red Flags to Resilience: How MaLinda Perry Rebuilt Her Life After Divorce · Bent Not Broken: Starting Over After Divorce | Post Divorce Life

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to another episode of Bent Not Broken.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: Heartbreak and trauma may feel like the end of your story, but here it's the beginning of a bold new chapter.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Coach Deborah Griffiths, and this is the space where women rise, rebuild, and rediscover their purpose.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: Remember this truth.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: You are bent, not broken.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: Today's guest is Melinda Perry, a KBIS award-winning industry leader with over 20 years of experience empowering professionals to lead with confidence and purpose.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: She's a Gallup certified strengths coach, best-selling author, keynote speaker, and founder of Happy Girls Don't Do That.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: Melinda is known for her strengths-based approach to leadership and growth, helping individuals and businesses uncover what makes them powerful, collaborative, and creatively unstoppable.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: Whether she's on stage, coaching one-on-one, or writing, her mission is clear to help people recognize their strengths, build confidence, and ignite meaningful transformation.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome, Melinda.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for being here.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's nice to be here.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for inviting me.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: Great.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: So you have a divorce story.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: Do you want to take a minute or two to tell the listeners?
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: Well, one, one I think was a little bit more impactful to you than the other.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: So you want to share a little bit about what happened there?
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I was at a point in my life where I was feeling, I guess you would say, like a failure.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: I had to move home.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: There was some stuff.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: My dad was sick.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: I moved home with my son and met a man through my son and his son and hockey.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: They played hockey together and moved forward very fast and got married for hindsight's 2020, but for all the wrong reasons.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: I thought it would get me out of the situation living with my mom.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: I was looking for that house and the family and the dream and all of that to make grown-up decisions.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: And um I even ignored all the red flags along the way and just told myself, oh, it'll be fine.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: I can make it work.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: And long story short, after it was all said and done, I was a great bonus mom.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that all my friends would tell you he married me to raise his kids.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I grew to accept that.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: And when we parted, it wasn't pretty, but I still kept the relationship with his kids.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still that bonus mom.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: I tell my oldest bonus daughter, she's my daughter by chance and my friend by choice.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: We've had a beautiful relationship for the past 20 plus years since the divorce.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: I got her when she was 15 and in a lot of trouble.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: It was a beautiful friendship and relationship that moved through.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so now I can honestly say she's a great friend.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: What were some of those red flags?
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we were driving to our first little getaway together.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's a long drive, five hours.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: And in Wyoming, there is nothing in those five hours.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Prairie is what it was.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember saying to him, just trying to get to know him like you do when you're getting to know somebody, what would your friends think about me?
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Or what are your friends like?
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, I don't have any friends.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: They're either all dead or they're in prison.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: I was thinking at that point, I don't know you well enough to be going on this.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: I think I need to know more.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: And then the second thought was, I have no service.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: So how do I call my mom or dad to come get me?
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, wow.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's so there's a red flag there.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: After the first year, I spent every New Year's Eve alone.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: His reasoning was he needed to be in Nebraska with his mom.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Fast forward many years, I found out he was having affairs in Nebraska.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: I had that gut red flag feeling, and it was right, I should have listened to my gut.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: There were things like that, you know, that moved through the eight years that we were together.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: I just pushed it all away.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: I figured I could, if I pushed it down far enough, the red flags would just disappear.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: They would just go away.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: They don't do that.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: No, they don't.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: They just get bigger.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: Until one day, what was the turning point where you saw the light and you knew you needed to leave?
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: One of the earliest ones is my bonus daughter and I were in Denver on a girls' getaway and we got lost at night.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: He had called and was really ugly over the phone.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: I hung up and she said to me, just leave him.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: He's mean, he's ugly, you deserve better.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Just be done.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: I will.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: And that was his daughter telling you this.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, his daughter, she was 17 at the time.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: And she was like, just run, just run.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: You deserve better than that.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: So that was the first red flag.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then he just kept getting meaner.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like there is this unpredictable meanness about him.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: I later did some research and found out that there's a condition called irritable male syndrome.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: And he fit all the boxes.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: I took the little test in front of the book and checked off, like 90% of all of them checked off.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: He at the time was willing to take the test as well.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: There was one for the spouse and one for the husband.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: And he took it as well and handed me the book and said, Yep, sounds about right.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to have good days and bad days, and you're just going to have to deal with it.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, This is genetic.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like this research has been done.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: This is genetic.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're not going to do it for me, at least do it for your son.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Your dad committed suicide.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know, what you choose to do with your life is yours, but I don't want that for your son.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: And he just threw his hands up the air and said, I'm not interested, but thank you.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, okay, neither am I then.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: There was a point where I just had to say, Missy was right.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: I needed to move on.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: So you're known for empowering others through strengths-based leadership, but your divorce was a deeply personal turning point.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: How did that experience challenge you with what you thought you knew about your own strength?
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: So my strength certification came after this.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: And what I learned was there's all these barrier labels people put on you growing up.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: We can call them barrier labels, we can call them backhanded compliments, we can call them whatever you want, but they still feel ugly.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: What I realized after I got my certification was my whole existence with him was filled with manipulation and backhanded compliments that made me feel like I was inadequate in so many levels.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like I wasn't good enough.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: I I didn't deserve this.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: I was, it was a form of manipulation I wasn't aware of.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: And when I started to lean in to who I really was, lean into my strengths and go, I'm strategic.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a strategic thinker.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm an outside of the box thinker.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm creative.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm highly adaptable.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's what got me in trouble was my adaptability would run amok to suffice the relationship.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: But then I also found out that I'm reactive.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: What part of that did I own in that horrible relationship?
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: It was being reactive.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: I could take that lesson all the way back to my first marriage and being reactive, a reactive individual.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: And that strength is in there.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I have command and activator and all of these strengths when it's being used on the ugly side.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: I like to tell my clients when it's in the gutter eating peanut butter, it's not very pretty.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Being reactive was that one thing that I brought to the table that wasn't very pretty.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of being able to take a step back and understand where the person was coming from, I immediately took offense to it.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I think a lot of us do that when we hit so many roadblocks and speed bumps and we're trying to get over the mountain.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: We become tired and exhausted and frustrated and all those things that cause us to be reactive.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: And learn that was probably the biggest life lesson I could have was that I didn't need to be reactive.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: I could still make my point and be kind and be loving.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't need to react to everything that came across my timeline, if that makes sense.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: During divorce, many women feel like they've lost their identity.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: Was there a moment when you realized you needed to rediscover who Melinda was outside of the marriage?
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think it came in little chunks, like little pieces.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: But I was strategically I knew that if I took everything out of the house, he would sell it out from under me.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I kept my office and kept playing nice and kept everything there so that I felt like I could move forward with the plan.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: I was slowly starting to get my pieces back as I was also learning that he was having affairs with my clients.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: He was going to Nebraska for the weekend to have affairs with other people.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I had figured out he had done something on my computer.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: He was on sites that shouldn't been on, that was showing in my computer history.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: He was there, his email and password was showing up on my computer.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so I was able to see where he was going and what he was doing.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: And it confirmed a lot of things.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: My friends would say, Why are you doing this?
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Just be done.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: Why are you punishing yourself?
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: And all I could say was, I need to make it safe for my son.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: I need the transition to be safe for all of us.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: And fair, balanced and fair.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think I started seeing a glimpse of who I was in little bitty chunks and understanding that when we lose ourselves, we need to stay grounded and listen to the people that love us most.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: When there's manipulation involved with relationships, the worst part is manipulating you to feel like you're not good enough for anybody else, or that you're a problem with your family, or that your family is a problem, or that your friends are a problem.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a very common story in a lot of divorces and relationship issues.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: I had to start listening to that girl that was so strong.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a world traveler.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: I did all these amazing things and I had an incredible life.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: I was a little girl full of grit and resilience.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I had to find that person in order to make everything move forward.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's hard, but had I not listened to everybody else, I don't know how appropriate this is, but it fits.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: At one point, we had separated and I still had everything at the house, and it was his birthday.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: And one of my friends and her mother saw me out at the mailbox and drove up to see what I was doing.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Well, it's his birthday.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: I need to get him something.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Her mom, I'm just going to give you an image.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: If you've ever seen Monsters Incorporated, Roz is the secretary lady with the red rouge cheeks, and she has this really raspy voice and goes, Get him a box of condos, he'll be fine.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: That spoke volumes to me because she saw what I was choosing to push under the rug.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: It was that breaking point that I needed, but it was also what I needed to get my feet out of the mud and start making actions to move forward.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: What steps did you take to find yourself again?
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: I started, I did kickboxing.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: I immediately, when I got everything out of the house, dove in a little bit deeper in my relationship with my son.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: I was very determined to make his life right.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: So we did hockey, and my mom was very gracious in the fact that she let me sit at home and I bought the Dr.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: Phil book, I bought Joe Osteen, I bought all of this stuff and journaled and journaled and journaled about who I was and what part of it I owned.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: It was really important to me that I not ever make the same mistakes or blaze the same trail that I had just come off of.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that was the best and the most cathartic thing I could have done for myself.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't afford a therapist at the time, so I had to dig into who I was and what that looked like.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: It changed my perspective.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: It taught me how to find gratitude.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: And as we teach everybody, gratitude is not something you're born with.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: It has to be taught.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: While my grandma taught me happiness and positivity was a choice, nobody had taught me what gratitude looked like.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: And so I started practicing that and I came up with the technique because you have all these triggers, right?
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: When you're getting divorced, a smell, a taste, a food, a song, a place, a location, whatever their triggers all the time.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I was finding myself just on edge and angry about everything.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so I developed a trigger um thing.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: My brother's trigger um was still uh was don't care, don't care.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I I couldn't use that because it wasn't what I was about.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I would, every time a trigger popped up, I would say delete, delete.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because I knew on a computer, if you hit delete, delete, it was immediately gone.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: Then the trick is to immediately mind shift to something that makes your heart happy, that literally puts a smile on your face.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: You can experience with all five senses.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: Can I smell it?
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Can I see it?
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: What does that feel like?
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: And my go-to was puppy kisses.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like there is nothing better for me than puppy kisses, the warmth, the giggles.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: They're just wonderful to me.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: Wagging tails and just the fluff.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so that was my go-to.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: I would say delete, delete, and then immediately think of puppy kisses until my thought of that trigger was gone.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes I'd have to do it two or three times in a row.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: Once I got that thought, I would think of something.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: I would say a couple of things that I was grateful for.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm grateful that my car's paid off, or I'm grateful that, you know, and sometimes the only thing I could find was Diet Coke.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: I was grateful for Diet Coke.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, there's got to be more to this gratitude thing than Diet Coke.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: And so I really started working on puppy kisses, what my gratitude was, till eventually there were no triggers.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: My brain automatically went to what I was grateful for instead of what I wasn't, what those triggers were.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so blessed in that because I think that's probably where the thought of happy girls started, because I had to realize that his ugliness was not a direct reflection on me.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: It was about him, not me.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love that.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: I especially love the delay, delete.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: That's so appropriate.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that technique will help a lot of listeners as well.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for sharing that.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_01: So you just mentioned happy girls don't do that.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_01: How did your divorce influence the message behind that brand?
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: And what does it truly mean to you today?
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: The message was a long time coming, but it was very much as I was coaching people who were bullied.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: He was a bully about everything, not just to me, but to his own kids and my son and other people that I knew.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: When I would coach, I would tell people, you're strong, you're beautiful, you have great strengths, you bring a lot to the table.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about you, it's about them because happy girls don't do that.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: I found I was much happier being a happy girl than being somebody who felt broken and beaten up all the time.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: His anger was not a direct reflection on who I was.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's where happy girls started and morphed into that.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: I really wanted not just, I wanted everybody.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: At some point, there's 300 million women in the world.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: At some point, every single one of us is going to be bullied by someone.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's sad to me.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: Very sad, very scary.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: And you think about what it does to us, because according to Gallup, empathy and harmony are predominantly female strengths.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: Just like strategic and command are predominantly male strengths.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: They just show up more.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't want women to feel like they deserve that, or young girls.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: And it's starting earlier and earlier.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: Preschool now is when bullying starts.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: And we know that it's generational.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a taught behavior.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want anybody to have to go through that.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: I think we all bring this unique value to the table.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: And what a better way to learn it than through happiness and positivity.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_01: I agree.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_01: Even if you take a look at the domestic violence statistics, it's really sad.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's one in three teenagers will experience some form of domestic violence by the time that like they're into their 20s.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: And that doesn't necessarily mean it's physical abuse.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_01: So we're talking a lot of emotional abuse here, and bullying ties right into it.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: It starts with bullying.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, boys get bullied as well.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: And and and I've been asked to write a I'm writing a happy girls book.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: I've been asked to write one on boys, and that one will come after.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: But it's it's a different, it looks differently.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: Girls own it differently than boys do.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: Bullying drops by 57% when just one hero steps in and you don't even have to know them.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: So we have a campaign, hashtag just one hero, that and your hero will stick with you forever.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: My hero was in ninth grade and we still talk.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: He's still my hero.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: It brings a lot of value sometimes when you don't have it.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody steps in and they're your hero, you look at yourself differently.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: You look at yourself with value, and it means a lot.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: It also changes the trajectory for the bully as well.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: They will go until they're stopped or have a reason to stop.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it just takes one person.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: There's often a pressure to stay.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Strong after divorce.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_01: How do you define strength now and how has that definition changed since your marriage ended?
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: I was pretty strong.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: I was stubborn and reactive.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: But when I started studying strengths from the Gallup standpoint, everyone has 34 strengths.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: So we all have 34 according to Gallup.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: And we start learning them as young as two years old.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I think the biggest message or what I can bring to the table is when we're broken and going through a divorce and we're feeling like we're so broken and we're so lost, and we just don't know how we're going to go on any further.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: Knowing your strengths and what you bring to the table and diving into those brings so much volume.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: It makes you, when you can see yourself, how others really truly see you and what that looks like and how powerful it is.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think the growth comes so much faster.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so understanding that I thought I had to be this disciplined person.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: Even in the marriage, I felt like the house had to clean every morning, like deep clean every morning before I went to work.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: Dinner had to be on the table at five o'clock.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: To me, it was torture to live to those standards.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm number two, adaptability.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: I thrive in chaos.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, interrupt me a thousand times.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: Having four kids in the house with all of their friends was beautiful to me.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: Having to have dinner on the table at five was agony.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't like it.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: It was not who I was.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: And so understanding that and being able to bring my strengths up and let them flourish, I think, brought a whole new understanding of what I brought to the table.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: And what I brought that what I was doing wrong, I was pulling from the bottom, which is like pulling a tree up by its roots.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, every and miserable at it.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: Think how exhausted you'll be if you're pulling a tree up by the roots every day.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of living who I was, genuinely who I was.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: And even him embracing who I was.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't like the authentic me.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: That was one of the red flags I pushed down, trying to make me be more like his mother or somebody like that.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: I was never going to be that person.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: If you could speak directly to the women who feel broken by divorce, what would you tell her about the version of herself waiting on the other side?
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: I would, that's a good question.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: I would say your version is so much more impactful and beautiful than what he has given you credit for.com and it's M-A-L-I-N-D-A.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: My email is Melinda Perry email.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: If you Google me, it should pop up pretty quick.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm part of the Mission Hope series.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: I've been in volumes three, four, and five.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: And volume six will be out in January, I'm told.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: So Roddy and the Happy Girls Don't Do That Book currently.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, I just I'm out there.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: I know you can, I know you can find me.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: So, and I'm welcome.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: If you have questions or just want to chat, shoot me an email and I'll be happy to let you see what you truly are.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll have all of that information in the show notes as well.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Linda, thank you so much for this conversation.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_01: I've loved it.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_01: And hope you have a great rest of your day.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: I thoroughly enjoyed it.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's been a pleasure.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to today's episode of Bent Not Broken.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_01: I hope that this episode reminded you that even through life's toughest moments, you are bent, not broken.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_01: If this message inspired you, please share, rate, review, and subscribe, as it helps us reach more women who are ready to rise and rebuild.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, keep living bold and walking in your purpose.