Latest / Books4Guys / The 9 Pillars of Resilience: Dr. Stephen Sideroff on Mastering Stress, Building Mental Strength, and Living with Purpose

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The 9 Pillars of Resilience: Dr. Stephen Sideroff on Mastering Stress, Building Mental Strength, and Living with Purpose · Books4Guys

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Before we jump into today's episode, I want to thank our executive development partner, Standard Pursuit.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: Founded by Hunter Didrickson, Standard Pursuit is a coaching community built for founders, entrepreneurs, and high performers who are ready to step into the next version of themselves.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: Through one-on-one coaching and the Standard Training Club, Hunter helps people strengthen both their physical and mental operating systems so they can think more clearly, lead more effectively, and perform at a higher level.
• 0:27
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• 0:34
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• 0:43
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• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: Now let's get to today's episode.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: All right, sunny California, good stuff.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm over in Nashville, and it is 95 degrees and humid, and it's hot already.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: I need some of that California weather.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: But Dr.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: Sidderhoff, man, it is so good to talk with you today, and I'm very excited for this conversation.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: When I got introduced to your book, I was like, oh yeah, this is something that I know I want to read.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: I know people like just friends that listen and watch this podcast and show.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: All people that are, I would consider high achievers.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: They love learning about this, how to think about things, how to get through tough situations, how to become bulletproof, whether work, life, and how that works.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's uh it's an honor to have you on the Books for Guys podcast and to talk about this, Dr.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: Sidderoff, because what you've been studying for the past four decades, I'm very curious about.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's very interesting.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm happy to be here, Chris.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for having me.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, resilience is at the heart of everything in our lives.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Whether we're thinking of health or whether we're thinking of performance, relationship, satisfaction in life, it all begins with having resilience because life throws you out of balance.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: And when you're out of balance, you don't perform at your best and your body doesn't function at its best.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: And resilience is about bringing yourself into balance as many moments of your day as possible.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: So it's at the heart of everything that goes on in our lives.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's right.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: And you you broke that down perfectly because I could think of about 10 different things already today I've had to find some resilience in to uh to keep going.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: But Dr.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: Sidderoff, I want to make sure I I tell everyone the title.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: If they haven't seen it, your book is called The Nine Pillars of Resilience: The Proven Path to Master Stress, Slow Aging, and Increase Vitality.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: And just to kind of kick off my first question for you, where did you, and I know I know you were an athlete in college, and it's and I'm I'm assuming you probably played sports growing up even before then, but when did you realize that studying resilience and going deep into how we operate and how our brains operate and process things and how we deal with different situations?
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: What triggered you to really dive into this path and find that interest?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I was I started out my career in brain research.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I was an assistant professor at McGill University in Montreal and working with animals.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I was thinking, you know, I want to be able to ask my subjects what they're feeling.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I couldn't ask those subjects what they're feeling.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I realized right then and there I wanted to be shifting into working with humans.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I was awarded a fellowship by the newly created National Institute on Drug Addiction at the time to study addiction, conditioned aspects of addiction at UCLA.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the things that stood out so clearly in my work with addicts is that when they become abstinent, when they clean up their act, their greatest vulnerability to relapse was stress.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: And literally, stress increases their craving for whatever the substance is that they're they that they were addicted to.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's like one of my clients said to me, it's like when you're uh an addict, you're like driving down the road in the station wagon.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: That dates that conversation, SUV, and you know, you get a bill, you throw it in the back.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: You get a summons, you throw it in the back.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: You get a divorce decree from your wife, you throw it in your back.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then you become sober and it's like slamming on the brake, and everything from the back seat falls into your lap.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: So becoming abstinent is only the first step with addicts and how they remain substance-free.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: And stress is a big issue there.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Now, when I expanded my work and my practice to all people and even peak performers, I found that the same thing held that stress is one of the primary modulators of how we do in life.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I felt that because of that, I wanted to address what I thought is the most important aspect.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: So that's how I got started in looking at stress and helping people with stress.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: But the next step in that, in that process was the awareness about the resistance that we all have to dealing with our stress.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: Strange, you know, we know stress is a problem.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yet, you know, I started out giving workshops to executives, and they all came up to me after and said, amazing talk.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: You opened my eyes to to this.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna, I'm gonna follow up.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: But, you know, I'd reach out to some of them two or three months later, and none of them were following any of those.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so I realized that it's a much more complicated issue because if you think about stress in our lives, we know that stress in the short term and within boundaries improves our performance.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: But there's a limit to that.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: And what happens with most of us is we push way beyond that optimal range of stress, where it serves us, where it's good for us, where it enhances performance, and we push out beyond that.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: But here's an interesting thing, Chris.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: If you think about all the successes you've had in your life, I guarantee all or most have been associated with stress.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, being pushed a little bit back against the wall type of scenario.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you're you're preparing for an exam, you're preparing to give a presentation for a meeting, you have a deadline with an important product you're working on, whatever that might be.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: So there's stress and then there's the reward.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now, one of my mentors at McGill University in Montreal was one of the pioneers, was the pioneer in neuroscience, Donald Hebb.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: And he's the one that said neurons that fire together wire together.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: So what happens with us is that, well, two things happen to us that are important to this conversation.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: The immediate, what I'm referring to, is that we've our brains have automatically put success and stress together.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Neurons that fire together wire together.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: So we are conditioned because of our successes to seek out stress in our lives.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: So this is another complicating factor, right?
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: The other complicating factor about neurons that fire together wire together is that in our childhood, the things that help us survive are the things that help us stay attached to our primary caregivers, the people we are dependent on for survival.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: So again, those lessons of childhood have been locked into the neural networks in our brains.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: And those are not necessarily, in fact, most of the time, they're not the best lessons.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: They may be lessons that say the world is dangerous.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: They may be lessons that say you're not okay, you're not good enough.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: And so those lessons also get locked into our neural networks.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I shifted into focusing on resilience, I realized it's not the same thing as stress management.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just you practice a relaxation exercise.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just that you don't react to this situation or that situation.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where I laid out my model of resilience that has nine components, because the nine components address everything that goes into our optimal functioning.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's right there, all in this one package of these nine pillars, step by step, on how you become more resilient, which sometimes means practicing a relaxation exercise, but sometimes it means identifying unfinished emotional business that you have, emotions that haven't been dealt with, and work through them because when you don't, they unconsciously motivate and drive a lot of our stressful behavior.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I just said a whole mouthful, but uh, no, that's good.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: Now I want to continue this because you were talking about how things that aren't necessarily good can get interlocked into these neurons as well.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I I'm curious to know if if they're there, what's the what's the step to being able to unlock and get those removed?
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think you were hitting that that's the hard part.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: An addict relapsing, I'm thinking of that too.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm thinking like a stressful day at work, I go like, I need a beer.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I don't need a beer.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: I've got the discipline to say, like, I don't need it, I'm probably better off without it.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's the easy out.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: But I could see where I could use that as an excuse or an escape for a little bit to just forget about the problems, enjoy a beer, and and unfortunately, I'll feel worse later for that decision.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I know I will, but that again kind of goes back to some of those things you look at too.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: But how do you, how do you remove some of the things that don't need to be there?
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: Well, first of all, I'll address where you said that sounds like it's a lot harder to do.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: And my fifth pillar of resilience is mental balance and mastery.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: So it's your mindset, how you approach things in your life, how you approach things that you need to change.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the things you want to do is you want to be very careful about language.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I teach that we don't say it's hard to do because saying it's hard to do doesn't help you in any way, but it can actually set you up for failure because now you're thinking hard.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: And when you think hard, there's a little bit of a constriction, a little bit of moving away from what needs to be done.
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  SPEAKER_00: So I like to say that it's not really hard.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: But you have to be persistent and you have to be willing to experience discomfort.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: You have to be uncomfortable because anytime you move into new territory, you're going to be awkward.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's going to be uncomfortable.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: But those are the emotions you need to tolerate if you want to grow, if you want to develop, if you want to transform.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: So back to unfinished emotional business.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: We all have it.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: And we we all have it from something that happened last week, and we have have it from something that happened in our childhood.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because emotions don't go away on their own.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: You have to address them, deal with them.
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  SPEAKER_00: Just like if you're hungry, you know, it's not going to go away on its own.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: You have to go, I'm hungry.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, how do I solve that problem?
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: I need to find food and and intake some food, right?
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: Same thing is true here.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm angry.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: No, it won't go away by itself.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: So first is waking up to the fact that you're carrying those feelings.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: And one example of how you'll notice is if something's going on in your life that's not that big a deal, but you have a big reaction to it, that tells you that it's tapping in to a pool of feelings that haven't been dealt with.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's one example.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: But when when this happens, I look at it as an opportunity.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's this situation is showing me I'm sitting on some unfinished business, right?
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: And if it's if if it's anger, as we uh are saying, okay, who might I be angry at?
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: And if it if a person doesn't come immediately to me, although typically I'll know, oh yeah, I didn't uh you know, we had this conflict last week with so-and-so, and I'm still carrying that feeling, or some other situation.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: But if you can't identify, then a process you can go through is imagine each of the people who might be the culprit sitting in front of you and just sit there for a moment with that person and notice if that angry feeling resonates with this person.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: So you identify the feeling, you identify who it's about, what it's about, and then you express the feeling.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people say, oh, well, I can't go and tell that person because they're not gonna agree with me, they're gonna get even more angry at me, they're gonna reject me, it's gonna have negative consequences, right?
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the good news is that what needs to be finished is not, and this is so important, not that the other person says, yeah, you're right, I'm sorry, because that rarely happens, right?
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: But as long as we need something from the other person to resolve these feelings, we're gonna stay stuck because it's gonna be out of our control.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: The only person we have control over is ourselves, right?
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I can deal with my unfinished business toward Joe, even if Joe is not here with me.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: I imagine him sitting with me and I express my feelings.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: But I express it within the context of acceptance.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: Not that I like what happened, not that I like the situation, but acceptance that he may never acknowledge, he may never change, this might just be who he is.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: But I need to let go of what I'm carrying, and that's why I express the feeling, and then I accept what happened.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: Again, not because I like it, but because it's in the past.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: I can't change it, right?
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: This is how we have mental balance and mastery.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: We recognize what's within our control and we address it.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: We recognize what's not in our control and we let go and accept.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: Man, I love that.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: To the very first thing you caught, and I'm so glad you caught that and talked about the power of language.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I assumed something was hard.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: And it's so funny you say that.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: Just heard a conversation.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you know who Charlie Rocket is, but he's someone that's overcome a lot of things and has a really cool story.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: But he talks about that exact thing.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: He was an overweight guy, wanted to do an Iron Man, but before he even started training, he flipped the switch and told himself, this is gonna be easy.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: So instead of saying it was gonna be hard, he just said, This is gonna be easy.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: I can run this, I can swim this.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, You already know you just that little change helped him every day.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: This is easy today.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I did that yesterday, today's gonna be easy.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: And uh I as you were talking about that, I was like, duh, like I just listened to that from somebody and how they talked about changing their shifting their language the way they talk to themselves, uh, so that the their approach was more positive and just a better overall experience and towards accomplishment.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: And we ended that little segment, Dr.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_01: Sidderoff, on talking about mastering this.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm curious to know, and I'm sure I'll assume every person's probably a little bit different depending on how much they've got to unpack or work on.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: But does can someone truly get to the point of mastering this, or is this a daily continuous thing you've got to work on and practice?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: Because I'm thinking of it as like elite athletes, you know, Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Tom Brady.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: No one ever stops improving, no one ever stops trying to better themselves.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm assuming this you can get good at it, but you're probably always having to work on it.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_01: And is that correct?
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: Or can people truly master it to where they're the pros of the pros at managing the way they think and feel at all times?
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so optimal functioning means, by my definition, that you're continually looking to grow, develop, learn.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, it's when you have that mindset that it opens you to possibilities.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's when you have that mindset.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: So right now I have my own podcast called Quantum Leadership Podcast, where we look at the qualities of exceptional leaders, uh, and we're we're basing it on literally the principles of quantum mechanics, the basic organizing principles of the universe.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: And there's one thing called the observer effect, where in quantum reality, unlike our reality, if we distinguish the two, the observer determines what the observer is actually watching, looking at.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: So if you take that concept into our own lives, that means we as the observer have a tremendous impact on what we are observing.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: How we observe, and mindset is part of how we observe.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: Being present is how we observe.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: Being uh cleared of unfinished emotional business is how we observe.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: All these things go into the results that we that we get.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: But it's an ongoing process.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you never you never want to say that I'm finished growing, right?
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because the only thing the only thing you want to stop you from growing is dying.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise you want to be growing.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I uh last year I wrote an article for Psychology Today that was published in Psychology Today, where I said, for example, purpose is the ultimate and use it or lose it.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: And in that article, I I developed an argument to say that when you have a a purpose, but not any purpose, not just to make more money, but a purpose that is going to impact and improve the lives of others, you're literally sending a message right down to your cellular level.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: And this is called epigenetics.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: And you're sending a message right down to the cellular level.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: And when I I had a longevity summit I hosted a couple of years ago, and I interviewed Bruce Lipton on this, and he and I were so much in agreement about how you literally send a message to your cells, stay alive because we have an important purpose.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: And you literally, and your attitude, your mindset, send messages down to your biology and affect how your biology functions.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_01: I love talking about purpose because I agree with that 100%.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I love talking with people about their purpose or trying to find that purpose.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_01: And the purpose can change, you know, depending on where you're at in life, what you're trying to do, and all of that.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_01: So it's really fascinating to see what people say and how they talk about their purpose.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_01: I was thinking of something while you were talking there, Dr.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_01: Sidderoff, about like where we are today in time.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: And you've been studying this again for a few decades now.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm curious what you've seen as far as how hard it is to put this into practice with the amount of distractions that we have today compared to maybe 15, 20.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: 20 years ago.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Because I'm sitting here thinking of, you know, when I work, I've got four screens up now.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_01: And then there's a TV, and then there's this other digital thing that's talking to me that I don't know.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: And there's so many things that can take my focus away quickly.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I've really got to practice on being centered and where I'm at, because you talk about that too.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: Have you seen it become more of a challenge for people to pause and try to work through this with the amount of distractions we have today?
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the world is speeding up, and the velocity of change is increasing, and the complexity of the world is increasing.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, people focus on AI, but AI is only one of perhaps a half dozen to a dozen disruptive technologies and factors.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: And all of these changes are interfacing with each other, magnifying the rate of change.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: So that's happening.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: Again, we don't want to say it's impossible.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: We want to say, okay, how do we address this growing complexity and this speeding up of what's going on in our lives?
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because one of the things that it does, as you just pointed out, is it pulls us in different directions.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: And every pull in a different direction takes energy.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: And let's get down to the basics of how our bodies function.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: Our bodies function on producing energy for whatever we're doing in our lives in our world.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: So when something pulls us over here and something pulls us over here, it's pulling some of our energy.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have unlimited amounts of energy.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: And so we want to be very careful about where we send this energy.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: And if we're passive, and okay, the that looks interesting.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: That looks interesting because we are being controlled by these outside forces who there it's their business to attract our attention.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: We won't have the energy for the important things.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really important to say, because if I'm distracted and my energy is going out here, my mind-body, every moment of every day is making choices and decisions where to send that energy.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if I'm stressed, if I'm think we're worried about all this stuff, I'm going into the stress response, which is defend and protect.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: Well, my my my brain body prioritizes defend and protect for survival purposes, right?
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: However, it's making a choice.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: So now it says, I have to depend and defend and protect.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: Let me take the energy that I would otherwise send to my kidneys to filter my blood and put it into defend and protect, because this is the immediate danger.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: The kidney, the danger is a little bit down the road.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're continually making to having your brain body make those choices to defend and protect, oh, there's this stress, that stress, you are continually removing energy needed for your body's healing and maintenance.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where you begin to get breakdown.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's also a breakdown of performance because your body, the more your body's in balance, the more you're able to be focused, the more you're able to do the things that we're all trying to do.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: So so let me give you the answer.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: So I gave you the problem.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: Let me give you the answer.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: There's all kinds of things that are important to do, right?
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I have nine pillars.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that's right there, we got nine.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: But that's that's everything in those nine, right?
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: But what happens with people is they go, they'll do something that's good for them, but they'll immediately say, Oh, but I'm not doing this and I'm not doing that, that are important also.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: And they'll get overwhelmed.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes because they're overwhelmed, because they feel they're not successful, they'll give up.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I developed the construct of the path.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: So the path is a construct, the path is something that's alongside of us every moment of every day.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: The path is optimal functioning, right?
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I define that path of optimal functioning based on my nine pillars.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're doing something along any of those nine pillars, like you're being my first pillar is your relationship with yourself.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a healthy way to be in relationship with yourself where you're coming from a very positive place, a place of love, compassion, acceptance, support, care, and joy.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's the model of an optimal internal voice, right?
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: If you are if you consciously start talking to yourself from that loving place, and then you take time, five minutes, ten minutes to practice a relaxation exercise, that's pillar number four, physical balance and mastery, those two steps put you on the path.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: So now today you can celebrate, I am on the path, because I've taken a couple of steps based on this model to become more resilient.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: And you could breathe and relax without worrying about I didn't do this or that, because I've done what I can do and I'm on the path.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: We can't do everything.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's a way of avoiding overwhelm and it's a way of feeling good about the efforts you're making.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: And when you feel good about them and you celebrate that you're doing it that way, it it actually enhances the neuroplasticity in your brain for the changes that you're making.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_01: I love I don't think this could be stated enough, Dr.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_01: Sidderoff.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_01: I I'm just sitting here thinking, I the physical toll it can take on your body to be distracted and have that energy pulled from different things that needs to be focused on.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_01: I haven't heard anyone explain it like that, although I conceptually know what's going on and and can feel it when that's happening.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I see people who are giving their energy to so many different things that are not important and not a part of those pillars to help them be optimal in their lives.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: You've got a lot of work to do.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: You've got a lot of message and talks to have, and and and you've we you've got to spread this as far and wide as you can because everything you're saying, I think everyone would agree with.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's just hearing it and practicing it and putting that into their discipline of their daily lives to try and get to that space.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_01: I just think there's probably not enough people out there hearing it or being able to practice it.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_01: But I just I I love everything you're saying because it makes so much sense.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, thank you.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I've studied this for many, many years, and I developed this model after really studying how people behave, perform, heal, grow.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: And this encompasses everything that's needed for resilience and and optimal functioning.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: But, you know, people still fool themselves.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: For example, there are a lot of people who will say, I do my best at the last minute, you know, and I would disagree with that.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: They're not doing their best.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: If they didn't wait till the last minute, they'd probably do better.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: But they there's certain resistances that they have to do it sooner, and they do it last minute because now they have to do it.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: And you never want to be doing something because you have to be doing it.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_00: People say, I'm I'm great at multitasking, right?
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_00: No, you're you you may be great at multitasking, but if you didn't multitask, you'd be even greater.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_00: You'd do it even better.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because every time you go into a new subject, it takes t uh time, even if it's seconds, to adjust and remember where you were at there.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then when you leave to go over here, you have to go through that same process.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: So in fact, when you multitask, it actually doesn't uh make you more effective, it makes you less effective.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_00: So we have a lot of uh superstitious behavior.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_00: Here's another example of superstitious behavior.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_00: This is this is a good one.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it's around anxiety, okay?
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of people wake up in the morning and they worry about what might go wrong during their day, right?
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: They go through their day and they work hard, and and at the end of the day, nothing terrible happened, they breathe a sigh of relief, right?
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: Now, did they learn that they don't need to worry tomorrow because today, yesterday, the day before, the day before, nothing happened?
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_00: No, again, neurons that fire together, wire together.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_00: What their brain puts together is when I worry, things turn out okay.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's superstitious behavior.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: Things didn't turn out okay because they worried, but that's what the brain puts together.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: And so a lot of people hold on to worry and anxiety for exactly this reason, because nothing bad happens and they assume that it's because they not consciously, not necessarily consciously, they make that assumption.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_01: Very interesting, because I've heard that term a lot too.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I've heard people state that, and I'm probably guilty of it as well, you know, and it's just uh it's so fascinating.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_01: Dr.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_01: Sidorov, I just have two more questions for you.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_01: This is, I love this conversation.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_01: I cannot wait to share this and just and hear what people take away from it.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_01: And one of my questions is kind of around that, you know, obviously there's so many people that you're trying to reach with your work and your studies and your book.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_01: And so there's there's a lot of people that are struggling with this that you got to get to and help with that shift.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_01: But what are some of the positive things you've already some of the most positive, and what are the most rewarding things you've been able to experience through your work?
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_01: Is it the feedback you get from people saying, like, here's where I was and here's where I am because I've been practicing this thanks to you?
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_01: Or is it helping students or or individuals identify it earlier in life before they, you know, go down a bad path?
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_01: But like, what's been some of the most rewarding aspects of your research and then and then your messages that you've been putting out there?
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'd say I get a lot of people reaching out to me to say they've read my book and it's changed their lives.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I can't think of a more better response than someone saying that the book changed their lives.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I get a lot of that.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: I get a lot of people who find that my model really fits with them, who take my resilience assessment, where you answer questions and you get your personal profile along these nine dimensions, and people saying that really fit my experience.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm also teaching my methodology and how to teach the nine pillars to professionals.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so there are a lot of professionals out there who are using it in their practice.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_00: For example, I have physicians who they don't have the time to go into this with their patients.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so they recommend my book, and the patients go back to the doctor and say, that thank you.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_00: You know, this is really very helpful.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_00: So there are many ways in which this has been really a gift for me and to and for others.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_00: But I'll say one other thing here.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know, a lot of times I'm helping people or people, whether they're in organizations or not, helping them adapt, which is what resilience is, to either stressful or toxic environments.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason is that the level of our leadership is so poor.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's why I started the Quantum Leadership Podcast, because I want to develop, help develop leaders who recognize that one of their responsibilities is creating healthy environments for their constituents.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_00: Healthy environments mean safe environments, environments in which you're appreciated and accepted, where you can make a mistake and you learn from it rather than got get beaten up by for it, things of that nature.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_00: So this is this is a process of resilience, developing resilience for individuals.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's also something that leaders need to learn for themselves so that they can then have this in their awareness as they create cultures within the organizations that they lead.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love that.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I can I can hear your purpose coming out and you know exactly what you're trying to accomplish.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I I just love hearing your passion behind your work and what you're working towards.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_01: And uh Dr.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_01: Sidderoff, I got one last question for you.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_01: And it's uh it's a question I ask everyone that comes on the podcast, and it's strictly just more of a books for guys question.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I'm always curious to know what is a book or two that has meant a lot to you, personally or professionally, and what's a book that you love to recommend to other people?
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'll tell you, one of the one of the sort of philosophers who I follow and I think is has some very important messages to say is someone by the name of Ken Wilbur.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_00: And he's looked at levels of development and he's identified sort of like the next level that he in that he calls integral development.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_00: And so he would be a good person to look into.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_00: Ken Wilbur.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_01: Good recommendation.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_01: He has not been recommended before, so we'll certainly add that to our list.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_01: But Dr.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_01: Sidderov, thank you again for taking the time to do this.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_01: I I love these conversations.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_01: I I love learning from people like you.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I know a lot of people that follow this particular podcast, I know are gonna be very interested to listen or watch this.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_01: And like I said, I can't wait to hear, I can't wait to share it.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_01: I I can think of 10 or 15 people I'm gonna be texting it to as soon as it comes out.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_01: But I can't wait to hear what people say in response.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_01: And we're proud to spotlight your book on the website.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_01: We're proud to promote it and uh just keep doing the good work.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_01: You're doing some amazing things, and and can't wait to continue following you to see what you continue to do in the world and helping push this message out there.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you, Dr.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_01: Sidaroff.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's my pleasure, Chris, and thank you.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_00: You asked some good questions, and I appreciate the opportunity to share this with your audience.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.