Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 208. Social Media DO's & DONT's: Your Feed Is Shaping You More Than You Think

Transcript

208. Social Media DO's & DONT's: Your Feed Is Shaping You More Than You Think · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

0:05
Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy
0:13
Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana.
0:14
Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
0:17
Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
0:21
Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
0:23
Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
0:26
Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
0:28
Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self.
0:32
Speaker 1: Hello everybody, welcome back to She Raises. Today, we're talking
0:36
Speaker 1: all about social media. We are dos and don't how
0:39
Speaker 1: it impacts us. Our advice to make social media be
0:42
Speaker 1: a positive in your life because it definitely has a
0:44
Speaker 1: dark side and impact us in a negative way. So
0:46
Speaker 1: we got to share all of our advice because we
0:48
Speaker 1: are quite big on social media. I've been on fifteen years.
0:50
Speaker 1: You've been on for how long?
0:52
Speaker 2: Five years?
0:53
Speaker 1: Five years?
0:53
Speaker 2: I mean working, working five years, but on.
0:56
Speaker 1: Socials for a long time. Yes, all of us have.
0:59
Speaker 1: We all definitely have some unhealthy habits like doom scrolling.
1:02
Speaker 1: To talk about it today, but before we get into it,
1:04
Speaker 1: what should she My.
1:05
Speaker 2: Share of the Week is actually an Instagram account. So
1:08
Speaker 2: this man, his name is Quinin and he's a relationship
1:11
Speaker 2: slash breakthrough coach. Now he's for context. His bio says,
1:15
Speaker 2: I mentor those who are healing but still stuck, break
1:18
Speaker 2: free from patterns sabotage and toxic relationship dynamics without endless therapy.
1:22
Speaker 2: And I really like the stuff that he posts because
1:24
Speaker 2: I feel like he takes it to that one level
1:26
Speaker 2: deeper his page. He's great, he just has a deeper context.
1:31
Speaker 2: He talks about ego work, he talks about shadows, the
1:33
Speaker 2: unconscious desires, and it's all stuff that I really enjoy
1:36
Speaker 2: talking about when it comes to relationship dynamics. And I
1:39
Speaker 2: always find I'm reading his posts and stuff and I'm
1:41
Speaker 2: reflecting on myself and how it shows up, and it
1:44
Speaker 2: really does feel it's not surface level personal development, and
1:48
Speaker 2: I really really like it. So his Instagram name is
1:51
Speaker 2: q U E N t I N dot G dot
1:55
Speaker 2: dec a MP.
1:57
Speaker 1: I feel like you absolutely love him amazing. My share
2:00
Speaker 1: of the week is just to try something new or
2:04
Speaker 1: do something I used to do when you were younger
2:06
Speaker 1: that brings you a lot of joy love. I've done
2:08
Speaker 1: Hills dance classes for a while now, but the dance
2:11
Speaker 1: that I truly truly loved doing is like contemporary, lyrical
2:14
Speaker 1: or jazz. I did it growing up, even tap dancing.
2:16
Speaker 1: Never was good at hip hop, but I've been wanting
2:18
Speaker 1: to get back into it, but my ego just got
2:20
Speaker 1: in the way. And when I was younger, not toot
2:22
Speaker 1: my own horn. But I used to be quite good,
2:24
Speaker 1: and I was always like chosen for the front, for
2:26
Speaker 1: the center, did a lot of solos. I've just was competitive.
2:29
Speaker 1: I loved it so fast forward twenty years. I haven't
2:32
Speaker 1: danced before. I was like, oh my gosh, I'm not
2:34
Speaker 1: going to be good at this. And when I was
2:36
Speaker 1: younger and quote unquote old moms used to come in
2:39
Speaker 1: casually to my classes. I hated it because I'd slow
2:42
Speaker 1: us down. I was like, oh my god, like, you know,
2:45
Speaker 1: we got to go of the same routine over and
2:47
Speaker 1: over again because I hadn't quite got it. And now
2:48
Speaker 1: I'm that mum. So I was like, I'm not going
2:50
Speaker 1: to be that mum and throp these girls classes and
2:53
Speaker 1: slow them down.
2:53
Speaker 2: Yeah.
2:54
Speaker 1: So I have this full story because I was a
2:56
Speaker 1: judgment a little bit obviously when I was younger, and
3:00
Speaker 1: then I just decided to book a private lesson and
3:02
Speaker 1: I have not looked back. I love it so much
3:05
Speaker 1: a song. I'm doing like a contemporary lyrical routine. My
3:08
Speaker 1: routine is like nearly two minutes long. I have never
3:11
Speaker 1: been so puffed in my life. I'ven't been so humbled.
3:14
Speaker 1: Even like flexibility. We do this massive warm up at
3:17
Speaker 1: the start, and it's so nice just stretch how I
3:19
Speaker 1: used to stretch and get my flexibility back, and just
3:21
Speaker 1: really push and challenge myself, get rid of the story
3:24
Speaker 1: that I'm too old, that my body can't do it,
3:27
Speaker 1: that I won't be able to pick up the moves,
3:28
Speaker 1: that I won't be able to remember. Like all these
3:29
Speaker 1: stories were coming to me, and I really pushed through
3:32
Speaker 1: and show myself that I can do it. And I've
3:33
Speaker 1: gotten so much joy out of it. I feel so feminine, playful,
3:37
Speaker 1: fun present. Just to move like that, it's just it's
3:40
Speaker 1: a really beautiful way to express. So I'm really really
3:43
Speaker 1: happy I did that. And I've shared my journey on
3:45
Speaker 1: social media. One for me to look back on. I've
3:47
Speaker 1: made a little highlight so I can look back on it.
3:49
Speaker 1: But two, I was just really hoping that someone else
3:51
Speaker 1: that was feeling like I was feeling gets inspired to
3:53
Speaker 1: put a dance class. And so many have it's really cool.
3:56
Speaker 1: I've had so many smile It's been like, oh my gosh,
3:58
Speaker 1: i finally booked in my dance class and I'm going
4:00
Speaker 1: to hip up again and thank you for inspiring me.
4:02
Speaker 1: If you can do it, I can do it. Especially
4:04
Speaker 1: as a mum I've had two kids. It's like my
4:05
Speaker 1: body definitely doesn't work how it used to work when
4:07
Speaker 1: I was a teenager. But I've loved it. It's so
4:11
Speaker 1: cool and I'm just like pushing myself to a point
4:13
Speaker 1: that feels really good but still feels really challenging. Yeah,
4:15
Speaker 1: I'm encouraging you to go and do that.
4:17
Speaker 2: That's so beautiful. Yeah, like watching your journey and like, oh, I.
4:20
Speaker 1: Love it so much. Social media. Social media is an
4:25
Speaker 1: interesting place to be. I love it so much. There's
4:28
Speaker 1: so much we can learn, there's so much that we
4:30
Speaker 1: can connect with. There's so many opportunities on social media.
4:33
Speaker 1: Like it really has a lot of pros to it,
4:36
Speaker 1: and it also has a darker side, and it also
4:39
Speaker 1: can negatively impact a lot of people's mental health. It's
4:41
Speaker 1: also a really big distraction. It's also a way that
4:44
Speaker 1: people numb out and try and escape from how they're feeling.
4:47
Speaker 1: And I know because I've done that before. You know,
4:49
Speaker 1: when I'm feeling something really heavy, I don't want to
4:51
Speaker 1: feel it's so easy to quickly jump on and have
4:52
Speaker 1: a quick open in here. I'll watch some funny videos
4:55
Speaker 1: or just scroll. An hour later, I'm like, what the
4:57
Speaker 1: fuck did I just watch? But I kind of forgot
4:59
Speaker 1: how it's feeling, you know. So we want to talk
5:02
Speaker 1: about what we do to keep a healthy relationship social
5:05
Speaker 1: media and what we advise you guys to take on
5:08
Speaker 1: board as well.
5:09
Speaker 2: Absolutely, don't be a troll.
5:13
Speaker 1: One. Yes, don't be a curry.
5:15
Speaker 2: It wasn't on the list, but I've just decided in
5:17
Speaker 2: this moment, going on really good one.
5:18
Speaker 1: If you don't like something, guess what you can unfollow?
5:21
Speaker 1: Do you know that you don't have to engage with
5:22
Speaker 1: someone you don't make It's like a TV show, right,
5:25
Speaker 1: If you are flicking through the channels and you find
5:27
Speaker 1: a show that you don't like, what do you do?
5:29
Speaker 1: You don't sit there screaming at the TV telling as
5:31
Speaker 1: she's a fat, ugly duckling.
5:33
Speaker 2: Leaving a bad review.
5:35
Speaker 1: No, you literally scroll onto the next channel. Channel Seven's
5:38
Speaker 1: on it. For me, I'm going to go into channel
5:39
Speaker 1: nine Foxtel doesn't have it. I'm going to go and
5:41
Speaker 1: to stand. Oh I don't like that, I'll go to Netflix.
5:44
Speaker 1: He's true.
5:44
Speaker 2: Along, its true.
5:45
Speaker 1: Do that on social media. Don't like something, you don't
5:47
Speaker 1: have to comment, Just keep going. No, no one cares.
5:49
Speaker 2: Leave it along, No one cares.
5:51
Speaker 1: You don't have to announce your departure. You're not at
5:52
Speaker 1: an airport.
5:53
Speaker 2: No, you know what it is. I think like it's
5:55
Speaker 2: a choice in what kind of energy that you leave
5:58
Speaker 2: in the world. Yes, and by you choosing to leave
6:00
Speaker 2: like negative comments, and even if it is innocent and
6:02
Speaker 2: you don't mean to you and you're just pushing back
6:04
Speaker 2: on somebody because you want to have an opinion. Amazing,
6:06
Speaker 2: that's so fine. You're choosing what you're going to put
6:08
Speaker 2: out there. And if you're choosing to put out in negativity,
6:10
Speaker 2: you're only going to get it back because you're choosing
6:12
Speaker 2: to engage in that. And like you're making that a
6:14
Speaker 2: part of your day. Yeah, and you only have so
6:16
Speaker 2: many hours in the day, and like you're going to
6:18
Speaker 2: make being negative or like having an opinion on somebody's
6:20
Speaker 2: life that you don't know. I just think it's not
6:24
Speaker 2: a productive way to spend your time.
6:25
Speaker 1: I just don't understand it. No, you don't have to
6:27
Speaker 1: insert your opinion on every Tom, Dick and Harry on
6:30
Speaker 1: social No.
6:30
Speaker 2: No, it's like, if you don't have anything nice to say,
6:32
Speaker 2: don't say it at all. Literally, Like my mama taught
6:34
Speaker 2: me that. I think every parent tells the kids that.
6:36
Speaker 2: But here we have grown adults making fake profiles to
6:38
Speaker 2: come on a trail.
6:39
Speaker 1: Yeah.
6:39
Speaker 2: That's the thing. When I look at this, I'm like,
6:42
Speaker 2: if you couldn't handle those consequences of doing that to
6:44
Speaker 2: somebody's face, why are you doing it online?
6:46
Speaker 1: Yeah?
6:46
Speaker 2: But that's the thing. People don't have the consequences of
6:49
Speaker 2: the repercussions of their behavior because they are not looking
6:52
Speaker 2: that person in the eyes. And if they did, or
6:54
Speaker 2: if they're peers, this is the biggest thing. If your
6:57
Speaker 2: peers were watching it. I know, if you're listening to this,
7:00
Speaker 2: you don't do this anyway, But if your peers were
7:02
Speaker 2: watching you as you were writing these comments on people stories,
7:05
Speaker 2: do you think that you would have any friends left?
7:07
Speaker 2: Or do you think that the people who loved you
7:09
Speaker 2: would be proud of you for your behavior? Because if
7:11
Speaker 2: you would feel ashamed of that, you absolutely should not
7:14
Speaker 2: be doing that.
7:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, I told you something I told you a little
7:16
Speaker 1: while ago. Yeah, years ago, when me and a group
7:19
Speaker 1: of girlfriends were getting severely told, I actually took it
7:23
Speaker 1: into my own hands. And there was a continuous couple
7:25
Speaker 1: of girls that just were relentless, and we had their names,
7:29
Speaker 1: and I decided to find out if they had husbands
7:31
Speaker 1: or where they worked. And I reached out to their
7:33
Speaker 1: workplace and I sent screenshots of what they were saying
7:35
Speaker 1: to me. It's what the same to other women, what
7:37
Speaker 1: they're saying in hate pages. And I said, think you
7:39
Speaker 1: should know that you've got a bully working for you.
7:40
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I love that.
7:42
Speaker 1: I called it a husband. I said, I'm not sure
7:43
Speaker 1: if you're aware of your wife. Her name is, she's
7:46
Speaker 1: involved in this hate page? Have you heard of this page?
7:48
Speaker 1: And he was mortified.
7:49
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I could imagine.
7:50
Speaker 1: It was like, are you kidding? I am so sorry.
7:52
Speaker 1: We have young daughters, like I can't, like, what can
7:55
Speaker 1: you send me this? Like as soon as she gets
7:56
Speaker 1: home tonight from work and be talking her about this?
7:58
Speaker 1: Because I was like, you exactly that you would not
8:00
Speaker 1: do that in front of your kids or in front
8:02
Speaker 1: of your husband. Why not hiding behind the screen in
8:04
Speaker 1: your face profile when your husband's not looking. I love it, baby,
8:07
Speaker 1: that's that's sexy. It's not cute. It's not kind. Do better,
8:10
Speaker 1: do better, do better. They did a handful of them,
8:12
Speaker 1: but I was like, I don't know. Oh my god,
8:14
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do that from now.
8:15
Speaker 2: No.
8:15
Speaker 1: I just felt like, I don't know. I want to
8:17
Speaker 1: take things to my own hands. There was no consequences,
8:19
Speaker 1: and so you fucking should.
8:21
Speaker 2: Like there's such an expectation online and I've seen it,
8:24
Speaker 2: not necessarily experienced it myself. But if you push back,
8:28
Speaker 2: then it's like you're the problem. I know. Oh my god,
8:30
Speaker 2: why are you entertaining it? Why are you're doing this? Actually, no,
8:32
Speaker 2: we did. We got this for she rises. Why are
8:34
Speaker 2: you doing that? Why are you entertaining this?
8:36
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're just as bad as them.
8:37
Speaker 2: I don't understand because you've never experienced a firsthand. I
8:42
Speaker 2: think it's bullshit. I think it's bullshit. I love that
8:44
Speaker 2: you did that, Love that you stood off yourself and
8:46
Speaker 2: took control of that situation because the reality is people
8:50
Speaker 2: don't have any consequences and nothing actually gets done about it.
8:53
Speaker 2: Because even if you give it to authorities or whatever.
8:55
Speaker 2: They didn't take it so seriously, but the moment they
8:58
Speaker 2: feel shame about their behavior, which is what they would
9:00
Speaker 2: have experienced when you told their husbands in their workplace.
9:02
Speaker 2: They now have real consequences for being a And.
9:05
Speaker 1: I never heard from those girls again.
9:07
Speaker 2: Yeah, amazing, never ever.
9:08
Speaker 1: And you know what, as a company owner with many
9:10
Speaker 1: a staff, if one of my staff members was on
9:12
Speaker 1: a troll page trolling on someone online, I would one
9:15
Speaker 1: hundredercent want to know like that, you're not representing my
9:18
Speaker 1: company to me. That is not the culture that I'm
9:20
Speaker 1: having within my business, like, absolutely not. I would not
9:23
Speaker 1: stand for that.
9:23
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
9:24
Speaker 1: Do people think that they're just words? No, no, no, Words
9:26
Speaker 1: can kill. Words can be the last thing that person
9:29
Speaker 1: hears or reads before they decide they've had enough. I'm
9:32
Speaker 1: not going to stand for that, you know. So another
9:34
Speaker 1: thing that we really recommend doing is go through who
9:38
Speaker 1: you're following. I do this often, did the other day
9:41
Speaker 1: and unfollowed another twenty people that I just am not
9:42
Speaker 1: really interacting with or maybe don't resonate with their content
9:45
Speaker 1: and maybe I used to. Maybe they've changed the content
9:47
Speaker 1: and I don't feel like it's nice, But go through
9:50
Speaker 1: anyone that triggers you, Anyone that isn't empowering women, and
9:53
Speaker 1: that doesn't bring you any value, doesn't motivate you and
9:55
Speaker 1: entertain you, inspire you. Why are you following them? Why
9:57
Speaker 1: are you taking that information in? It's like watching news
9:59
Speaker 1: all the time. It's negative, sad shit all the time. Yeah,
10:02
Speaker 1: that's not good for your nervous system. It's not good
10:04
Speaker 1: for your brain. It's not good for your emotional well
10:06
Speaker 1: being because how you feel in your energetic state, that
10:08
Speaker 1: then flows over to the people around you and it
10:11
Speaker 1: impacts everything in your life. So just check in who
10:14
Speaker 1: you're following. Like, most of the pages I follow are
10:16
Speaker 1: friends and family, and then it's parenting pages, it's star
10:19
Speaker 1: signs of assistant regulation, it's coaches, it's when I have
10:23
Speaker 1: a scroll. It's actually quite healthy for me, preductive, it's productive.
10:26
Speaker 1: I'm learning so much. I'm sending something to Steve and like,
10:28
Speaker 1: oh my god, let's talk about this with the kids,
10:30
Speaker 1: or Wow, let's implement this in our relationship, or we'll
10:32
Speaker 1: send each other something like oh god, this is a
10:34
Speaker 1: great idea for she rises, or maybe it's just something funny.
10:36
Speaker 1: I'm like, I know you're having a shit day.
10:38
Speaker 2: Watch this, Yeah, you know that.
10:39
Speaker 1: I think it can be really beautiful. But just go
10:41
Speaker 1: through your following list and have a look. Does this
10:44
Speaker 1: person align with me now? Maybe it did two years ago,
10:46
Speaker 1: maybe doesn't. Now, it's okay for you to click on follow. Yeah,
10:49
Speaker 1: you're not murdering someone. You're just clicking on follow. It's
10:51
Speaker 1: not that deep.
10:52
Speaker 2: There's a lot of fear around that. There's a lot
10:53
Speaker 2: of fear controversy almost sure. Yeah, but you don't know
10:57
Speaker 2: anybody anything, and following someone on social media does not
11:00
Speaker 2: mean that you're unfriending them in real life. It just
11:01
Speaker 2: means not choosing to consume their content. Yes, and I
11:04
Speaker 2: get it, like in in our day and age, it
11:06
Speaker 2: is a way for you to feel plugged into somebody. Yeah,
11:08
Speaker 2: and it's almost like energetically unplugging from that person. But
11:11
Speaker 2: if you want to go see them, just message them
11:13
Speaker 2: for sure. And if you're going to unfollow them, you're
11:14
Speaker 2: likely not gonna do that anyway exactly. I mean, if
11:17
Speaker 2: you want to follow them and you're not following them
11:18
Speaker 2: to watch their life, feel likely not in their life anyway.
11:21
Speaker 2: So what's the difference between you unfollowing them on for sure?
11:24
Speaker 2: I think it's really important what it is you feed yourself,
11:26
Speaker 2: and if you are consuming content that upsets you, bothers you,
11:29
Speaker 2: or that you're consuming and you have conflict inside, we're
11:32
Speaker 2: like this doesn't align with where I want to go,
11:34
Speaker 2: or what I'm trying to create for myself, or even
11:36
Speaker 2: what feels nice to do.
11:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, let it go. Yeah, be unfollowing list and do
11:41
Speaker 1: this often, like you're allowed to clean out your list often.
11:44
Speaker 1: I used to follow thousands of people. Now I always
11:46
Speaker 1: try and keep it under five hundred, but I'll I
11:49
Speaker 1: think yours is even less. You're like two hundred or something.
11:51
Speaker 2: You know. I used to follow like two thousand people.
11:53
Speaker 1: Yeah, same babe.
11:54
Speaker 2: Yeah. And I went on a massive unfollowing spree because
11:57
Speaker 2: I would scroll and I wouldn't even recognize the people
12:00
Speaker 2: in my feet.
12:00
Speaker 1: And I was like, why do I think you're just
12:02
Speaker 1: wasting time?
12:03
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I was like scroll and I could groll forever.
12:05
Speaker 2: I remember, I remember the moment and then just being
12:08
Speaker 2: like no, and I just remember culling over the next
12:10
Speaker 2: month and then yeah, yeah, doesn't go any higher than
12:13
Speaker 2: like two fifty. Yeah. Another don't is not to consume
12:19
Speaker 2: when you're feeling like insecure, lonely, or disconnected.
12:23
Speaker 1: That's such a good one.
12:24
Speaker 2: I think this is a big one only because and
12:26
Speaker 2: I know that easier said than done, right. I am
12:29
Speaker 2: also someone who has doomscrolled, and sometimes does when I
12:31
Speaker 2: feel disconnected or dissociated or like I'm, you know, trying
12:34
Speaker 2: to get those dopamine hits. But when you're feeling lonely
12:38
Speaker 2: and insecure, I think, like, it's so much easier to
12:40
Speaker 2: feed those negative feedback loops. Yeah, and the thoughts about yourself.
12:43
Speaker 2: You'll find evidence to confirm me your stories too.
12:46
Speaker 1: Yeah.
12:46
Speaker 2: Like, if you're already feeling shit about yourself and you
12:48
Speaker 2: go on social media and the first thing you see
12:50
Speaker 2: is a woman who looks the way that you want
12:52
Speaker 2: to look and you have for the last five years,
12:55
Speaker 2: immediately you're going to make yourself feel terrible about that
12:58
Speaker 2: or is something someone's doing. I have a client of mine,
13:00
Speaker 2: actually a beautiful human, and she gets really triggered by
13:04
Speaker 2: people's success, and she's like, I cannot open my social
13:07
Speaker 2: media right now with how I feel right now because
13:09
Speaker 2: of how triggered I get. I cannot see one thing
13:11
Speaker 2: of success because it's highlighting for her. Really what she wants,
13:15
Speaker 2: but the moment that she's feeling disregulated, she'll go on
13:18
Speaker 2: there and then she spirals, you know, and so like,
13:20
Speaker 2: whilst it's such a natural behavior, it's like, can you
13:23
Speaker 2: have some boundaries with yourself if you're not feeling good,
13:26
Speaker 2: go This is actually isn't the time for me to
13:28
Speaker 2: go on social media. This is the time for me
13:31
Speaker 2: to find something outside of being on a screen to
13:34
Speaker 2: regulate myself and then come back to baseline before I
13:37
Speaker 2: jump on there.
13:37
Speaker 1: And the algorithms smart too. If you click on that
13:39
Speaker 1: one profile and you're looking at this girl's reel where
13:41
Speaker 1: she looks amazing and fit, whatever. If you stay on
13:43
Speaker 1: that real long enough and you read a caption you're engaging,
13:45
Speaker 1: guess what your next ten posts are going to be
13:47
Speaker 1: hot women in similar outfits just like that. Yeah, exactly,
13:51
Speaker 1: Your algorithm freaking knows that all your four year pages,
13:54
Speaker 1: all these beautiful women and.
13:55
Speaker 2: All of a sudd you look me in your botox
13:57
Speaker 2: and you're getting like posuption. But in reality, like.
14:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's tring all of that for sure, that's true.
14:04
Speaker 1: So something I do encourage and it kind of falls
14:07
Speaker 1: on the back of what I just said about unfollowing
14:09
Speaker 1: is to follow accounts that help you grow and help
14:12
Speaker 1: you see things from a new perspective, or they're on
14:14
Speaker 1: topics that you want to learn about. Like I love
14:17
Speaker 1: following relationship coaches and experts. I don't care about the
14:19
Speaker 1: qualification if I love their content and I'm getting something
14:22
Speaker 1: back from that and I'm learning and growing and finding
14:24
Speaker 1: news ways that I can improve my relationship. I love that. Yeah,
14:27
Speaker 1: so I follow. If you went through my following list,
14:28
Speaker 1: there's a lot of relationship coaches on there. So follow
14:31
Speaker 1: people that make you feel good that you're growing and
14:33
Speaker 1: getting something out of so you're not just stuck in
14:34
Speaker 1: a doom scroll where you feel guilty about just having
14:36
Speaker 1: screen time. Make it productive. Love that. So I love
14:39
Speaker 1: having a scroll. I do because I know now the
14:41
Speaker 1: pages that I'm scrolling, what's coming up? Is it for me?
14:43
Speaker 2: Oh? I love that?
14:44
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.
14:45
Speaker 2: When you actually get the benefit out of being on
14:46
Speaker 2: social media, it's not just like numbing.
14:48
Speaker 1: No, TikTok's a bit left right and center because algorithms different.
14:51
Speaker 1: But Instagram you're more getting what you've clicked on and
14:54
Speaker 1: what you follow.
14:55
Speaker 2: I feel like TikTok is the same. Oh really, Yeah,
14:57
Speaker 2: I feel other for you. Page sometimes can be a
14:59
Speaker 2: bit weird, but like if you do it long enough
15:01
Speaker 2: and you watch enough videos like the same way, the
15:03
Speaker 2: same view will come up.
15:04
Speaker 1: I think I scroll more on around these days.
15:05
Speaker 2: Yeah, I's more just videos on there.
15:08
Speaker 1: Oh fuck me, guys. This Chrue hour you were just
15:12
Speaker 1: seen as a little white tru hour. And the way
15:13
Speaker 1: he laughs every pov. I was in Bali with you,
15:17
Speaker 1: actually pissing myself.
15:19
Speaker 2: Tackling sitting next to me. She couldn't stop.
15:21
Speaker 1: Was so funny and I felt so annoying, So like,
15:24
Speaker 1: just one more, just like.
15:25
Speaker 2: What about this one and this one and this one?
15:27
Speaker 2: She was like having her own experience. I'm like, I
15:29
Speaker 2: love how much you're into as well.
15:30
Speaker 1: I literally thought I was going to piss myself. Oh
15:32
Speaker 1: so freaking funny. Anyways, next one, what's your next one?
15:36
Speaker 2: I think another thing is not to scroll for seeing them. Yeah,
15:41
Speaker 2: I really, I definitely got into a habit of this
15:44
Speaker 2: at one point. I don't do it now, but there
15:46
Speaker 2: was a point where it was the first thing that
15:48
Speaker 2: I would check, yeah, you know, and it was like
15:49
Speaker 2: as soon as I would wake up, I'd be like
15:51
Speaker 2: scrolling and checking my notifications and doing this and just
15:54
Speaker 2: whilst I check my phone in the mornings, if it's
15:56
Speaker 2: more like work related and stuff now, but prior it
15:59
Speaker 2: almost like completely shifted my energy. If I had woken
16:02
Speaker 2: up in a good mood and then I checked my phone,
16:03
Speaker 2: it's almost like I feel more tired, i feel a
16:07
Speaker 2: little bit slower, i feel a bit like a bit hazy.
16:11
Speaker 2: And I'm like, all this beautiful energy and inspired energy
16:14
Speaker 2: that I would have to wake up in the morning,
16:15
Speaker 2: make a coffee, go for a walk and do all
16:17
Speaker 2: these things, I'm like now I'm a bit like ugh,
16:19
Speaker 2: a bit like dowie, like a drange energy does makes
16:21
Speaker 2: me feel a bit dumb. And the blue light too.
16:23
Speaker 2: It's just not good first thing in the morning. It
16:25
Speaker 2: just doesn't feel nice. Like, don't get me wrong, the
16:27
Speaker 2: first thing that I wake up in the morning is
16:29
Speaker 2: literally message ashy because like it's literally because we're every morning,
16:33
Speaker 2: not morning, but the most mornings when we walk, yes,
16:36
Speaker 2: it's like first thing, okay, cool, like so pick you up, yeah.
16:39
Speaker 1: Left my house?
16:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know. But to sit and scroll, I just
16:42
Speaker 2: feel like it completely changes your whole demeanor for the day.
16:45
Speaker 2: And if you are really wanting to one get better
16:48
Speaker 2: quality of life. Yeah, be more productive, you know it's
16:51
Speaker 2: actually yeah, more present, like be mindful of the choices
16:54
Speaker 2: that you make in the first like thirty minutes.
16:56
Speaker 1: I agree.
16:56
Speaker 2: And it doesn't mean that you can't check your phone.
16:58
Speaker 2: I'm not saying. I'm not saying put harsh rules on yourself.
17:00
Speaker 2: And I'm just saying, like, even if it's just you
17:02
Speaker 2: have a small routine that you do from the moment
17:04
Speaker 2: you get out of bed, put the coffee kettle on,
17:07
Speaker 2: or have a banana, or do you supplements or pressure
17:09
Speaker 2: teeth and just like have a second to just take
17:11
Speaker 2: a couple of breaths, it will change the whole trajectory
17:14
Speaker 2: of your day. And I really mean it, because like
17:16
Speaker 2: I feel like it is night and day when I
17:18
Speaker 2: do those two things, and I just can't stand that
17:21
Speaker 2: feeling of like literally my phone making me feel dumb
17:24
Speaker 2: at four o'clock in the morning.
17:25
Speaker 1: Not nice.
17:27
Speaker 2: Not nice.
17:27
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I feel the same at nighttime. Yeah, I
17:30
Speaker 1: could have a really really great day and then I'll
17:32
Speaker 1: see something on social media that's really truing it even
17:34
Speaker 1: at the moment, Like I did it the other night
17:35
Speaker 1: and all this like Epstein stuff came up and I
17:37
Speaker 1: just got stuck in this rabbit hole. And then I
17:39
Speaker 1: felt so sad, so depressed, so helpless. I went and
17:43
Speaker 1: checked on Tala and Taj and I was like, oh
17:45
Speaker 1: my god, what these children have been through from this
17:48
Speaker 1: man and all these high up celebrities. And I was like, fuck,
17:50
Speaker 1: why did I look at this before I'm about to
17:52
Speaker 1: go to bed. I had a really shit night sleep,
17:54
Speaker 1: tossing and turning and wake up, and it was just
17:57
Speaker 1: it just wasn't good to put my brain into like stress,
17:59
Speaker 1: and I was on it was alert so high. Yeah,
18:02
Speaker 1: I think it's morning, and same with evening. I put
18:05
Speaker 1: the fucking phone down. I have the best sleeps when
18:07
Speaker 1: I put my phone down and put a meditation on,
18:09
Speaker 1: go straight to sleep. Yes, but it's a habit that
18:12
Speaker 1: can easily get picked up on and it's hard to break.
18:15
Speaker 2: I remember when I went through my breakup like a
18:17
Speaker 2: while back, I leant towards that, Yeah, I was with this.
18:21
Speaker 2: I was really good with my bedtime and my wake
18:24
Speaker 2: up time, like so strict me to go, oh my god,
18:27
Speaker 2: so strict, Like I would literally go to bed at
18:29
Speaker 2: seven o'clock.
18:29
Speaker 1: And I was like that's crazy.
18:31
Speaker 2: But I remember like being able to do that, and
18:33
Speaker 2: I was like so proud of myself because I always
18:34
Speaker 2: got a good night sleep prior tize sleep. And then
18:36
Speaker 2: I went through my breakup. I was like staying up
18:38
Speaker 2: till like anywhere between like ten and twelve o'clock at
18:41
Speaker 2: night and like waking up at four o'clock, and it
18:43
Speaker 2: just absolutely destroyed me. And it was because I was
18:46
Speaker 2: scrolling late at night, because like late at night would
18:48
Speaker 2: be the time where all of my emotions that I
18:51
Speaker 2: had like compartmentalized or suppressed for the day so I
18:54
Speaker 2: could get through the work day would literally come up
18:56
Speaker 2: the moment I'd lie my head on the pillow and
18:58
Speaker 2: then I'd be like, up, you feel this, Like right now,
19:00
Speaker 2: I don't have the capacity to feel this. And that's
19:02
Speaker 2: like just the human in me being like that was
19:05
Speaker 2: my way of coping at the time, and I just, yeah,
19:07
Speaker 2: really struggled, so like I leant towards scrolling, And then
19:10
Speaker 2: there was a time where we would both like call
19:11
Speaker 2: each other out on it, like no, we said that
19:13
Speaker 2: we were going to do better on this, like let's
19:15
Speaker 2: cut this shit out.
19:15
Speaker 1: Yeah, And you were so tired already, like that just
19:19
Speaker 1: made you even more tired, so then you're like, fuck
19:21
Speaker 1: this one habit is now impacting how I work, how
19:25
Speaker 1: I train my energy. Like in my relationships, it was
19:28
Speaker 1: just and that's when you were like, no, no more.
19:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're right, though, it does make you feel like,
19:32
Speaker 2: go into the night not feeling well rested, and then
19:35
Speaker 2: you wake up in the morning and it's like a
19:36
Speaker 2: flow on effect.
19:37
Speaker 1: Even that the blue light of your phone is going
19:39
Speaker 1: to affect your cicadian rhythm and your melotonin levels, like
19:42
Speaker 1: it's scientifically proven. I actually bought these really fucking ugly
19:46
Speaker 1: glasses so if I'm ever on my phone, like lately,
19:48
Speaker 1: I've been editing at night because I'm with the kids
19:50
Speaker 1: during the afternoon evening and that's the only time i
19:52
Speaker 1: can edit. Yeah, because I'm at work, I'm filming and
19:54
Speaker 1: with staff meetings da da DA, and my do list
19:56
Speaker 1: at night, that's been my time when I'm doing it.
19:58
Speaker 2: But I'm with these.
19:59
Speaker 1: Glasses at least block out the blue light. But it's
20:01
Speaker 1: still it's not great. Yeah, not a good idea to do. Yes.
20:06
Speaker 1: Another one is if you find you feel more connected
20:09
Speaker 1: to people online than you do with the people in
20:12
Speaker 1: your real life. Massive alarm bells if you know more
20:15
Speaker 1: about social media influences and what's going on in their life,
20:18
Speaker 1: then you do your best friends and your family members
20:20
Speaker 1: get the fuck off your phone. Yeah, that is not healthy.
20:23
Speaker 1: That is not good for you, for them, for anyone,
20:26
Speaker 1: real connection with your real circle is so important. No
20:30
Speaker 1: phone should ever get in the way of that.
20:31
Speaker 2: Yeah.
20:32
Speaker 1: So that's when I Yeah, if you ever feel like
20:34
Speaker 1: that and you haven't been making the effort to reach
20:36
Speaker 1: out to your loved ones, like change that.
20:38
Speaker 2: I love that. Yeah, that's not so far.
20:40
Speaker 1: Yeah.
20:42
Speaker 2: Something that I did with social media a really long
20:44
Speaker 2: time ago was something called a consumption fast. I saw
20:47
Speaker 2: you told me about that. It was the coolest thing
20:49
Speaker 2: I saw it. I can't even I wish I knew
20:50
Speaker 2: the name of the person I saw it from, But anyway,
20:53
Speaker 2: there was this person who followed somebody else who did
20:54
Speaker 2: this thing called a consumption fast, and basically what it
20:57
Speaker 2: is it was six weeks straight of no consuming. So
21:00
Speaker 2: that meant like no consuming Instagram, social media, Facebook, TikTok,
21:05
Speaker 2: snatch out, whatever fucking thing that you use. You could learn,
21:09
Speaker 2: but only one thing at a time.
21:10
Speaker 1: That's nice.
21:11
Speaker 2: So it was like you kind of create your own
21:12
Speaker 2: rules around it. So say, for example, you can only
21:14
Speaker 2: read one book at a time until you finish that
21:16
Speaker 2: book and then you can start another out right, or
21:18
Speaker 2: like you watch one podcast all the way through and
21:21
Speaker 2: then you learn something else. But it's like you're trying
21:23
Speaker 2: to really limit the amount of stuff that you're consuming. Anyway,
21:26
Speaker 2: what you can do, though, is you can continue posting,
21:28
Speaker 2: so you post as normal.
21:30
Speaker 1: But if your work is that, that's right.
21:32
Speaker 2: And that's what I did because I was working at
21:34
Speaker 2: the time, So I muted everyone because only follow two
21:37
Speaker 2: hund people didn't take me that long. Yeah, muted everyone's stories,
21:40
Speaker 2: muted everyone's post Not one post would come up in
21:43
Speaker 2: my feet one of the ads. So I would post
21:45
Speaker 2: every day like as if normal, post on my feet
21:47
Speaker 2: as normal, get out of the app. I cannot tell
21:50
Speaker 2: you after seven days how lonely I felt lonely. Lonely
21:53
Speaker 2: but a good thing. Okay, I felt lonely because I
21:57
Speaker 2: didn't realize how much I used social media to connect
21:59
Speaker 2: with people without actually being in their lives. Yeah, we
22:02
Speaker 2: say so plugged in, But what it taught me After
22:04
Speaker 2: seven days, I was like, I probably only talked to
22:07
Speaker 2: about three people, and I have to consciously call them
22:11
Speaker 2: to connect with them. I have to consciously text them
22:14
Speaker 2: to be a part of their life. And what it
22:16
Speaker 2: taught me one the biggest thing was that it helped
22:18
Speaker 2: me come into my own voice of not consuming everybody
22:21
Speaker 2: else that I morphed into everybody else. It helped me
22:23
Speaker 2: establish my own voice. It made me not be on
22:26
Speaker 2: social media, so I was more present in my life. Beautiful,
22:28
Speaker 2: and it also made me intentionally put effort into the
22:32
Speaker 2: people that were really important to me.
22:33
Speaker 1: Oh, I love that so much.
22:35
Speaker 2: So even if I would regularly reach out to these
22:38
Speaker 2: three people, I was like, you know, who else is
22:40
Speaker 2: important to me? That person who I no longer get
22:42
Speaker 2: to see on social media because I'm not on their
22:44
Speaker 2: social media anymore. And then I would call them, and
22:47
Speaker 2: then I would start to rebuild connections in a way
22:50
Speaker 2: that were actually like plugged in and not just oh,
22:52
Speaker 2: i've watched a story, I know what you did for
22:54
Speaker 2: the day. I feel pumped into you.
22:55
Speaker 1: You're not a part of that.
22:56
Speaker 2: You're not a part of that journey, You're not a
22:57
Speaker 2: part of that experience. You're not a part of that moment.
23:00
Speaker 2: It's not true connection. It is the most powerful thing
23:03
Speaker 2: to do. Highly recommend it that.
23:06
Speaker 1: Another thing we've done too is put our screen time
23:08
Speaker 1: limit on.
23:09
Speaker 2: Yes, so helpful.
23:10
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. It's actually like a setting in your phone.
23:12
Speaker 1: So I have mine limited for two hours a day.
23:15
Speaker 1: I'll be honest, most days I have to push because
23:17
Speaker 1: once you've hit you two hours, it gets an option
23:19
Speaker 1: to ignore for today, ignore for the next fifteen minutes.
23:21
Speaker 1: So if I'm in the middle of it, posting or
23:23
Speaker 1: getting back to DMS or emails or something, I will
23:25
Speaker 1: say ignore. Want to do that most days because I
23:27
Speaker 1: at my phone. So sometimes two hours isn't realistic for
23:30
Speaker 1: men's four and I still push, so I probably need
23:32
Speaker 1: to increase mine to three. But it keeps me so
23:34
Speaker 1: much more accountable, and my screen time has drastically gone down.
23:37
Speaker 1: That's good because an hour now I'm more aware of
23:39
Speaker 1: like how long I've been scrolling for and am I
23:41
Speaker 1: scrolling or am I actually working? Yes? Yeah, and I'm like, okay, no,
23:44
Speaker 1: you've done your scrolling, actually work or put the phone down.
23:47
Speaker 1: It's kept me really in check, which has been really cool.
23:49
Speaker 2: That's good. I really like that as well. You showed
23:52
Speaker 2: me that you started doing that. I was like, oh,
23:53
Speaker 2: I like really need this, I only did four hours
23:56
Speaker 2: because my screen time was it's something ridiculous, like nine
23:59
Speaker 2: hours or something stupid. I don't know why. And then
24:02
Speaker 2: I notice, like on the days, if I am having
24:04
Speaker 2: a bad and I lean towards doom scrolling, my alert
24:07
Speaker 2: will come up much earlier in the day. But then
24:10
Speaker 2: if I'm good and I like follow and only post
24:12
Speaker 2: when I'm working, then it will pop up like yeah,
24:15
Speaker 2: that's cool, and I'm like, okay, cool, Like I've got
24:17
Speaker 2: probably like a couple of snoozes before I can get
24:20
Speaker 2: off my phone. I love that, but it is it's
24:22
Speaker 2: very helpful.
24:22
Speaker 1: Another thing you can do too, which I do sometimes,
24:25
Speaker 1: is you know how you have your apps on your
24:26
Speaker 1: home screen. You can like move them off or move
24:29
Speaker 1: them into a Folderiz's habit just to unlock your phone
24:31
Speaker 1: and click Instagram. Yeah, but if it's in a folder
24:33
Speaker 1: and you have there's another couple of steps. Sometimes you're like, oh,
24:36
Speaker 1: I don't need to go in there, and you break
24:37
Speaker 1: that habit or put it right to the end. You
24:39
Speaker 1: and your scroll across to all your apps. Put it
24:41
Speaker 1: right at the end, and you're not gonna be bothered.
24:43
Speaker 1: Half the time, it's like, oh, I've got shit to
24:44
Speaker 1: do and I need to click in there break the habit.
24:46
Speaker 1: It's breaking the habits you from just like being on
24:49
Speaker 1: autopilot and clicking into it all. Oh I love that
24:52
Speaker 1: little hack.
24:53
Speaker 2: I did that once before, and I only had three
24:56
Speaker 2: things on my main screen and everything else was everywhere
24:59
Speaker 2: else or hidden, so that I wasn't tempted to go
25:01
Speaker 2: into like apps.
25:02
Speaker 1: Yeah that's cool. I've got mine all in folders, so
25:05
Speaker 1: I've got life connected, I'm creative and then obviously school
25:08
Speaker 1: for Rise and Side, but it's all unfolders mains.
25:10
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. Yeah, I need to clean mine up.
25:12
Speaker 1: Well. We hope this helps because, yeah, to social media,
25:16
Speaker 1: it can be amazing, but it can also be not
25:18
Speaker 1: great for our mental health. So just be super aware
25:20
Speaker 1: of how you're using it, make sure you're using it
25:22
Speaker 1: really intentionally. Yeah. Yeah, I hope you guys enjoyed this episode.
25:25
Speaker 1: We'll see you next time.
25:26
Speaker 2: Bye bye