Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 245. Flashback Friday - Victim Vortex

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245. Flashback Friday - Victim Vortex · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Appogay Production. Welcome to the Sheep Risers Podcast. I'm Ashy
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is about female empowerment.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most
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  Speaker 2: authentic version of yourself.
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  Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh and cry and talk about the topics
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: everyone else is too afraid to talk about.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Mine was when I was going through the most intense
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: trolling online and I just remember thinking and asking a
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  Speaker 1: lot of people that were in the online world if
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  Speaker 1: they've ever had this happen to them. I had a
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  Speaker 1: Facebook hate page about me, I had an Instagram page
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  Speaker 1: about hating me, and it was non stop. It was constant.
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  Speaker 1: It was destroying my life, it was destroying my light.
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  Speaker 1: I didn't want to be here. I didn't know how
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  Speaker 1: to handle it. I didn't know what to do. I
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  Speaker 1: felt like I couldn't breathe, and I felt like it
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  Speaker 1: was never going to end. And I remember when I
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  Speaker 1: linked up with my coaches that were going to help
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  Speaker 1: me through this and get me out of a state
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  Speaker 1: of being suicidal. I remember saying, no one else has
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  Speaker 1: had this heart of than me. I've spoken to so
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  Speaker 1: many influences at these massive events. I've never seen anything
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  Speaker 1: like it. I've never seen anything like it before. This
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  Speaker 1: is huge. I remember saying to me, do you honestly
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  Speaker 1: think you're the only one that's experienced this? And I
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  Speaker 1: was like, well, yeah, the only one that I've seen.
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  Speaker 1: And I can't remember the name of this guy. I
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  Speaker 1: have to actually ask him, but they said there was
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  Speaker 1: this guy in America who got named the most hated
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  Speaker 1: guy in America.
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  Speaker 2: Oh wow.
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  Speaker 1: And it was millions of tweets, hundreds of pages about him.
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  Speaker 1: Means everywhere he was the most hated guy in America.
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  Speaker 1: I can't even remember what he did. It was so
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  Speaker 1: long ago. But the point of that story is he
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  Speaker 1: actually turned it around and ended up being very, very
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  Speaker 1: loved because of his story, how we changed, how he
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  Speaker 1: took responsibility, what he did with his life after that,
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  Speaker 1: and now he's this big motivational speaker and has sold
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  Speaker 1: out tours around the country. I said, yeah, and I
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  Speaker 1: remember him telling you that story and he's like, I'm
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  Speaker 1: just telling you this because you will get out of this.
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  Speaker 1: Make sure that you do. There is light at the
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  Speaker 1: end of the tunnel and you can have a different life.
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  Speaker 1: You're just right in the thick of it right now.
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  Speaker 1: I'm gonna help you navigate that through. But please don't
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  Speaker 1: think for a second that you're special and you're the
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  Speaker 1: only person that's experienced this. That was a big hard
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  Speaker 1: pill to swallow. But he said it like that, Sure,
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  Speaker 1: you're not special. Twenty people this happens to you. Think
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  Speaker 1: of all not that I'm a celebrity by any means,
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  Speaker 1: but all the big celebrities that have big followings and
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  Speaker 1: a lot of eyes on them. You look on any
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  Speaker 1: magazine or forum or post about them anywhere, most of
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  Speaker 1: the comments is hate. Yeah, they pick on their sale life,
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  Speaker 1: they pick on the way they're parent, they pick on
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  Speaker 1: their hair, they pick on textured skin. For goodness sake,
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  Speaker 1: they pick on literally everything about every fucking celebrity. They're
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: too skinny, they're too fat, they're dating too many men,
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  Speaker 1: they're going through too many divorces, they're money hungry, they
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  Speaker 1: didn't get this job, they're a value there, they're expiring date.
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  Speaker 1: There's always something that they're picking on, and unfortunately, when
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  Speaker 1: you have eyes on you, people do. And it was
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  Speaker 1: just cool for him to explain it like that. It
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  Speaker 1: kind of did get me out of victim of like, oh, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: of course I'm not the only one. This is happening too,
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  Speaker 1: And if other people can get out of it, so
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  Speaker 1: can I. You know.
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  Speaker 2: It's like under a microscope.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I can choose to keep being a victim
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  Speaker 1: and not getting out of bed and not showing up
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  Speaker 1: and let them win and fold and take myself offline
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  Speaker 1: and avoid it all. Or I can choose to keep
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  Speaker 1: showing up just as my authentic self. And the more
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  Speaker 1: I did that, the less it got. And I got
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  Speaker 1: through it, and I'm still here fifteen years later. I
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: still get messages from women just saying it's so cool
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  Speaker 1: to see all the stuff that's happened to you and
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  Speaker 1: things you've said, you still show up. You're still there,
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  Speaker 1: six ams saying what a guys? Yeah, And it is
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  Speaker 1: because this is who I am. I make mistakes, I'm
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  Speaker 1: an all human go through lots of different seasons and
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  Speaker 1: chapters and growth, and I'm just me, and I'm going
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  Speaker 1: to continue to show up as being me and sharing
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  Speaker 1: all my lessons along the way, you know, and I
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  Speaker 1: will forever do that. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Do you think if that experience hadn't happened, you wouldn't
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  Speaker 2: have overcome your victim mentality.
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  Speaker 1: Not as much as you did. Although I've been a
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  Speaker 1: victim for different reasons, that was probably one of the
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  Speaker 1: main ones. And then the other one was when I
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  Speaker 1: was younger, I was a victim to thinking everyone had
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  Speaker 1: it easier because they had a dad, or they had
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  Speaker 1: a loving father and a loving family, and they had
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  Speaker 1: a parent that would drive them somewhere. They had parent
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  Speaker 1: that would give them money, and they had a parent
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  Speaker 1: that would help them with their homework. They have parents
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  Speaker 1: that they could talk to. And I thought, gosh, how
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  Speaker 1: am I ever going to make something of my life?
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  Speaker 1: And I don't have the support all my friends have,
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  Speaker 1: no wonder they're passing all their subjects and they're doing
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  Speaker 1: so well, and they're doing all this and they're going
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  Speaker 1: to go to UNI and they're going to make the
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  Speaker 1: great things of their life. Because if I had that support,
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  Speaker 1: I would too. But I didn't have any of that,
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  Speaker 1: so I'm never going to make anything of myself. So
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  Speaker 1: I was a massive victim anyone that had yeah supportive parents,
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  Speaker 1: I just thought they were so lucky and it'd be
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  Speaker 1: so much easier for them to make something of themselves.
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  Speaker 1: At the end of the day, whether you've got supportive
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  Speaker 1: family or not, it's still your choice how much hard
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  Speaker 1: work you put in. It's still your choice where your
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: energy goes. It's still your choice to have a negative
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: or a positive perspective on whatever's happening. It's still your
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  Speaker 1: choice what risks you take. It's still your choice. What
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  Speaker 1: kind of partner and friends and influence you have around you.
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  Speaker 1: It's still your choice if you invest in partying or
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  Speaker 1: you invest in self development. That is all an individual's choice.
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  Speaker 1: You get to appoint where you've got to stop blaming
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  Speaker 1: your parents. They got you to a certain point, and yes,
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  Speaker 1: they influenced you that you're gonna take response to me
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  Speaker 1: for your life. You're an adult now. So it got
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  Speaker 1: to a point, and it was after a Tony Robins course,
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  Speaker 1: but I learned all about the bullshit stories that we
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: tell ourselves. But it was just like, this is your life, now,
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  Speaker 1: what are you going to do with it? No one's
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  Speaker 1: going to save you. Your parents are not in control anymore,
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  Speaker 1: so you can keep blaming them or you can take
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  Speaker 1: control of your life. So powerful it is the same thing.
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  Speaker 2: Circumstances It doesn't matter what circumstances that you're in or
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  Speaker 2: whatever led you there to be there. It's not really
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  Speaker 2: about that. It's about what you choose to do from
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  Speaker 2: here on out. Yes, you can choose to allow that
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  Speaker 2: experience or the circumstances that you're in to dictate what
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  Speaker 2: you choose moving forward, or you can use it as
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  Speaker 2: a catalyst that's going to be the reason that you
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  Speaker 2: down the track, say, look at what I overcame. You know,
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  Speaker 2: if I had allowed the sex tape to dictate how
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  Speaker 2: I showed up, I wouldn't have an online business.
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  Speaker 1: Hid.
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  Speaker 2: I would have hid and you know what I wanted to.
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  Speaker 2: I definitely felt victimized by that. Actually, similar to what
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  Speaker 2: you shared around Oh, no one has it as hard
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  Speaker 2: as me. You felt like that in.
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  Speaker 1: The moment, no one else had a sex tape because I.
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  Speaker 2: Knew not yet, I didn't know anyone intimately, or anyone
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  Speaker 2: in my circle, or anyone who knew anyone, no who
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  Speaker 2: had been through that. Well, you do you feel special
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  Speaker 2: in your pain? Yeah, because you just don't know anybody
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  Speaker 2: who's been through it. And a lot of the things
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  Speaker 2: that we've all experienced are common for a lot of people.
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  Speaker 2: A lot of people get to experience them too, But
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  Speaker 2: in the moment, you feel so victimized by it.
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  Speaker 1: And you are victimized, But you don't have to be
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  Speaker 1: a victim forever. Yes, you are a victim to your
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  Speaker 1: sex tape. I was a victim to online trolley and
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  Speaker 1: for sure. Yeah, but it's our choice that we don't
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  Speaker 1: stay victim forever. Yeah, we don't let it define or
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  Speaker 1: rule our future. Yeah, it's a part of our past
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  Speaker 1: and a part of our story, but we get to
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  Speaker 1: choose what we do with that next.
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  Speaker 2: It's almost as if this is something that has happened
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  Speaker 2: to us, but we're not letting it impact what we
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  Speaker 2: do moving forward.
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  Speaker 1: We're saying it happened for us to help us grow,
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  Speaker 1: to us and be the person who want to be
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  Speaker 1: able to help heal our victim mentality. It forced us
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  Speaker 1: to grow, That's what it did.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it really fells us, that's what it does. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: victim mentality is forcing you to grow, and for as
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  Speaker 2: long as you resist it, you'll stay a victim.
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  Speaker 1: And a big event like that, it almost is a
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  Speaker 1: fast forward button. It propelled you forward, like the slingshot
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  Speaker 1: theory that you say, pulling you back and stretching you out,
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  Speaker 1: feeling so uncomfortable. Then you're thrown forward and it's like
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  Speaker 1: you got to land on your feet, get back up.
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  Speaker 1: I love that concept to land. It's the best, isn't it.
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  Speaker 2: It's the best Anything that you're experencing right now, hardship, pain, discomfort, victimize.
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  Speaker 2: What you're expens right now is pulling you back for
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  Speaker 2: the thing that's going to propel you for.
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  Speaker 1: And if you actually if you visualize the analogy of
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  Speaker 1: the slingshot and it pulls you back and then flings
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  Speaker 1: you forward and you land on the ground on your back,
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  Speaker 1: and you're like, ah, my leg's hat. Are you gonna
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  Speaker 1: stay down there going ah my leg's hat? Are you
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  Speaker 1: going to find their strength to get back up and
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  Speaker 1: walk again and go and get help or do something different?
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  Speaker 1: You're gonna lay there forever?
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  Speaker 2: No.
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  Speaker 1: No.
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  Speaker 2: With the sex tape specifically, I remember telling myself anything
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  Speaker 2: I do in the future moving forward is going to
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  Speaker 2: have this shadow or this skeleton that's going to come
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  Speaker 2: back and haunt me or bite me in the ass.
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  Speaker 2: And I was like, well, I'm just not gonna have
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  Speaker 2: to do anything. I just can't build anything now.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, because It's never gonna work anyway, because that will
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  Speaker 1: just come out and.
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  Speaker 2: Destroy it, and it will destroy it. It will ruin
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  Speaker 2: my credibility. People won't take me seriously expect people won't
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  Speaker 2: respect me. Intimate partners won't want to be with me,
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  Speaker 2: people won't want to be my friend. Moving forward, all
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  Speaker 2: of these stories I could have absolutely ran with and
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  Speaker 2: it would have dictated my life. My life would look
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  Speaker 2: very different. But it's in those very moments you get
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: to choose.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, you get to choose. So cool. We've also said
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  Speaker 1: this before and I will keep saying it in plenty
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  Speaker 1: more episodes to come. But allow yourself to have a
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: pity party. Yeah, just don't let it become your emotional home. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: that's when you get stuck. So have you a little moment,
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  Speaker 1: voice it out, if you need to scream atapillo. Whatever
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  Speaker 1: tool is in your tool that helps you have your
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  Speaker 1: moment and then move through it.
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  Speaker 2: I like that.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, you need it.
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  Speaker 2: It's such a necessary part because if you don't acknowledge
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: that feeling in emotion, you just suppress it and come
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  Speaker 2: out later.
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  Speaker 1: Anyway, it comes out bigger, it just explodes. I remember
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  Speaker 1: when Katie Ford first said that to me, it was
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: just permission to be a victim for a moment, and
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: it's just been such a game changer for me to
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: allow that to be there. You move through it so
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: much quicker, You dissolved so much faster once you're allow
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: it to be there, like a kid. Yeah, like ninety seconds.
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  Speaker 1: So I'm good.