Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / Monday MUM GUILT NO MORE 🙅🏼‍♀️ Plus the things we LOVE to do that other mums shame us for - with life coach for Mum's - Cathy Driscoll 💃 🍸 🧑‍🧑‍🧒‍🧒

Transcript

Monday MUM GUILT NO MORE 🙅🏼‍♀️ Plus the things we LOVE to do that other mums shame us for - with life coach for Mum's - Cathy Driscoll 💃 🍸 🧑‍🧑‍🧒‍🧒 · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apologie production Growing Glows Twelve Days of Christmas. Hello Ron,
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: and welcome back to Growing Glow Twelve Days of Christmas.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: I've got my good friend Kathleen here today. Hello, I'm
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: so excited to be here. I'm so excited you're here
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: for those who don't know you. Do you want to talk
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: a little bit about what you do for mums now?
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Because that's a topic today.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: Definitely.
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: So I am amom myself to Teddy, my two and
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: a half year old, and throughout my journey and my
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: experience with the postpartum I found it really difficult, as
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: a lot of mums do, and so I really struggled
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: with being able to ask for what I needed, and
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: I really struggled with being able to look after myself.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: So everything sort of went by the wayside. I used
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: to love doing, like extracurricular activities. I did so many
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: different fun sports and had so many hobbies, and as
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: soon as I had Teddy, all I could think about
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: was how do I like look after this new responsibility
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: and it completely consumed my life. And over about eight months,
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: I got more and more tired, more and more sick.
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: I got diagnosed with sleep apnea and I could barely
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: get out of bed to go to gym or do
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: anything really, And so I got to this stage where
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: I thought, surely this can't be it. Surely this isn't
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: what being a mum looks like. And being a first
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: time mum, you're constantly looking at milestones and you know,
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: baby led weaning or should I be using spoons?
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: And why is he not sleeping?
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: And like literally everything, And so I thought, how do
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: I get my spark back? And so over the last
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: year I was searching for that and doing all of
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: this research, having all of these experiences and trying to
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: figure out what do I need to do to be
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: able to fit like my life back into my life.
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: And so I started studying my masters in positive psychology
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: and it was in that that I learned about flourishing
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: and how so many people in our current society are
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: living a life where they're languishing. So basically, when we
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: talk about languishing, we're looking at people who are going
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: through the day to day life. So they're not excited
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: about things they're not doing day day exactly exactly. So
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: they go to a job that they're doing just for
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: the money, making the same dinners over and over again,
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: and not having anything that they're like really looking forward to.
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: And I thought, honestly, like how do I get out
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: of that? Because that's where I am right now. And
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: so through some of those sorts of things, I learned
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: how do I actually create a life where I'm flourishing.
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: And the biggest part of that for me was bringing
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: joy back into my life. And that's spark whatever that
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: looks like. So some of that look like doing different
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: achievements and like actually working on things that I could
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: actually do, you know, getting back into work, and also
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: going to events, connecting with people, like going and looking
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: at my love languages and saying what do I actually
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: really enjoy doing? And so now with her Spark, I
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: share that journey and I share what my insights are
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: and my learnings and how to help people to prioritize
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: themselves as a mum without the guilt and without the overwhelm.
• 3:17
  Speaker 4: Love that you've been for it all.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: You've got a system now that's got you out the
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: other side, and now you want to help empower and
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: like help other moms step into that as well, because
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be like when you said, is
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: this it, It doesn't have to be like that. We
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: get to choose, but a lot of the time we
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: do need guidance, we need like help. So today we're
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: going to be covering a lot of things. But let's
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: start with mum guilt. Yes, because I feel like all
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: of us have experienced it, and most mums experience are
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: on the daily so many multiple times. What is mum
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: guilt to you? What does it look like to you?
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: So for me, I might just start with saying that
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: mum guilt truly is felt by everybody, and even people
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: who are great at managing their mum guilt still have
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: it pop up for themselves. There's no point at which
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: you go, I don't feel guilty anymore in my motherhood journey,
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: because there's always something else that pops up. And so
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: for me, when I think about mum guilt, what I
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: really think about is it's a bit of an indicator
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: for me that I'm either out of alignment with the
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: priorities that I'm doing or that there's something that needs
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: to change. So, for example, if I think about something
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: that I might feel guilty about is at the moment,
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: my work is really busy, and so I might have
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: to work on a Sunday, and so in that time,
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: I feel guilty when I hear my son and my
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: husband playing in the lounde room, or especially if something
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: is going wrong, when there's a tantrum, when they're a
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: bit tired, and I think, oh, my poor husband, he's
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: worked all week and now he's having to manage this.
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: I think, oh, if I just stepped out there and
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: helped out, that would make it easier for him. And
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: then I feel guilty for saying no, actually, I really
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: need to get my work done. So work is a
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: huge one for a lot of mum and for me,
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: that really hits this indicator of why am I feeling
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: this guilt and what is the thing that I need
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: to change or that I need to do with that.
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: So for that example, it's a mindset change, right.
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: Not actually physically getting up and doing something different.
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: It starts in here, and it's a really interesting one
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: because you know, for a lot of months they go, oh, well,
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: my priority is that I want to prioritize my child,
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: so I should go and step out, and I should
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: go and help out, and I should step in, and it's.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: Actually a no.
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: It's like I need to firstly give my husband the
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: tools and support for him to be able to feel
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: confident and comfortable in that situation so important. Yeah, and secondly,
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: the space for him to be able to use those
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: strategies and tools to be able to say, you know,
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: the first time he manages that, he might get frustrated
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: and angry and you know, need to go and have
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: some cool downtime.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: And we support that.
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: But as they get that opportunity to do more of that,
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: they actually get the ability to regulate themselves and find
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: the way that they want to do.
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: It, find their own system.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: Hey exactly.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, that was at I made with Taj and Steve,
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: and like, first time round is every time he would
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: try to do something, I would step in and snap
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: or say you're doing it wrong, or like overcorrect him,
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: and then he was like, I don't even want to
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: help them because I try exactly, you're just on my
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: back about it. So then I would build up reseven
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: because he wasn't helping and it was just.
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: Back and forth.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: So second time round, we were like, Okay, what worked,
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: what didn't, and we've just done it so much better
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: this time around.
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so common.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: I love that you've brought out that point of allowing
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: your husband or your partner where it was helping you,
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: to actually give them the space to figure it out.
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. I was talking to another mum the other
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: day and she was saying how bedtime is such a
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: difficult one for them, and I was like, oh, okay,
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: because he works away from home. And I was like, okay, well,
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: what does that look like for you? Like what does
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: bedtime look like for you when he does it? Like
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: why do you have to step in? She said, oh, well,
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: he doesn't want to read seven books and he doesn't
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: want to sing eight songs and he doesn't always dads.
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: And I was like, my husband would never see.
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: And so I was like, what if you just stepped away.
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: You know, when we first started Marty doing the bedtime routine,
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: I put headphones in.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: I would get in the car and I would drive.
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: Away, because you know, hearing my son cry while they're
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: trying to figure out would really set me off and
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: it would make me feel really unwell honestly, and so
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: actually I had to completely remove myself from the situation
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: so I didn't just jump in. And so sometimes that's it,
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: giving ourselves space to.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: Go Actually I'm not needed here.
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: They completely need the space to do whatever they want
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: to do and get the opportunity to do that.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: And it's so interesting because I was away in Sydney
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: this week and I came back last night and Tyler
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: was already in bed and I said, walk passed her room.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: There was no white noise on, and I'm like, I
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: said to him, I was like, babe, I was like,
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: did you forget the white noise? Knowing you forgot the
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: white noise? He's like, babe, you think that it has
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: to be done this particular sleepsack and he's she's got
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: to have the white noise on and da da dah.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: But like she still slept the exact same She was
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: not bothered. And it's like moments like that, I'm like, ah,
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: it's not my way or the highway. So even for
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: that moment, it's like, what if he only read one book,
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: maybe their child might be okay, you.
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: Know, yeah, what Dad's put down look like mums exactly.
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: And the thing is, if you get to the same outcome,
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: there's no guilt there, there's no actually, yeah.
• 8:13
  Speaker 4: You're so right.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: I'm glad that you brought up for the guilt never
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: goes away. So I feel like I am one of
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: those mums. It's very good at managing and I don't
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: get it often, yes, because I think guilt is when
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: you feel like what you're doing is wrong exactly. So
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: it doesn't come up a lot for me. But even
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: this morning. I've been away in Sydney this week. I
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: haven't seen Tyler as much as what I normally do,
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: and we have Thursdays with her and I was cuddling
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: her and she grabbed my face. She goes, Mummy, no
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: work today, Mummy stay home with tabath and I was like,
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: oh my god, the heart strings. And Steve was just
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: looking and he's like, all that hurts.
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: I was like, it really.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Does, and that might have guilt popped up, but I
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: was like, hello, gilt, thank you for letting me know
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: that my daughter's wanting connection. I'm wanting connection too. Yes,
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: Mammy still has to go to work and she will
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: be okay and I'll come back, you know, tomorrow, and
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: it'll be beautiful. But there is those micro moments and
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: those moments.
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: I don't know about you.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: I'd love to hear your thoughts, but I just have
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: to give loving compassion to myself and to her.
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: I gave her a big.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: Huddle, and I spent all the time I could with her,
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: and I was like, Mom, I can't wait spend the
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: weekend with you.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: That's all I could do in that moment.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: Was I beat myself up about it and like stepped
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: into the studio today when I'm interviewing nine from people
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: like imagine my energy.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: No, it's good to talk about it because so many
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: of us feel it.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: But I think that that's exactly the thing.
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: It's like that compassion and grace that you give yourself
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: and you go, this is something that I'm doing not
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: only for.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: Like our family, but also for yourself.
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: We come back to that achievement. You've got an incredible podcast,
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: and the impact that you have on all of the
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: women who are listening is going to be profound. So
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: you know, this part of your life is so important
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: to you, and it's part of your passion and your mission.
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: It is.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: And I think that you know, when we look back
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: at being a mum, we're not just a mom. Yes,
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: it's such an important passion and mission and like purpose
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: in our life, but it can't be the only thing.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: No, And I think that when we.
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: Actually give ourselves in it exactly when we give ourselves
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: a space to be more than just a mum, that
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: we can show up for our kids, but we can
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: also show up for ourselves. Yes, and I think that
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: you know exactly what you did was perfect, giving her
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: that reassurance that I wish I could be with you,
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: but I'm actually going to do something that fills up
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: my cup, that is really purposeful and I'm very passionate about.
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: And then I'm going to give you that connection and
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: that time on the weekend. Yeah, it's not like, oh
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: and then I'm going to work on the weekend and
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: then they're gonna fly away and I'm never going to
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: see you weekend.
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: It's so true, isn't it.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: What I want to show my kids too, is how
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: important it is for them to put themselves first. And
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: you can say all the things, but they're not gonna listen.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: They're gonna watch, and I want them to know, like,
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: what do you value for me?
• 10:45
  Speaker 4: Connection?
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: It's one of my highest values. So coming into this podcast,
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: I get to connect with mums and other women and
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: learn expand myself. That makes me a better person. It
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: puts me in a high vibe and guess what. Then
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: that overflows to my family, So I know, go to
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: work today. It was harder because I missed her and
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: I knew she wanted me. But I know coming back,
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: I'm just so filled up, Like you says when I
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: come home from the podcast, He's like, you are like
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: a new woman. Like the vibrational one is how fulfilled.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: I feel like the impact, the connection, the love, it's
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: just it's the best.
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: So we have to.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: Roll model all of that.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: It's like we're going to the gym and eating healthy
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: and like prioritizing our boundaries. They need to actually see
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: how that is modeled.
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: And I think even you know, if we go like
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: down to that really base level of foundational needs, making
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: sure that you prioritize your movement and your sleep and
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: your nutrition, like all of those things are so important
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: to being able to show up and they are essential.
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: I think that it's a misconception that we think it's luxury. Yeah,
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: it's a luxury to go to gym or to go
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: for a walk or go to sleep, yes, And I
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: think that that's not true. We can't function without those things.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: No, They're so important. It's like when people say it's
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: a break when a mum goes to grocery shopping. Yes,
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: I'm like, what that is wild?
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: It is?
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: Yes, I love grocery shopping by myself for sure. I
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: enjoy that when I can look at a the products,
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: the reading ingredients without a screaming child. But like that
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: is not your break? No, But when did that become normalized?
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: And like laughed at and that conversation of what is
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: rest Like folding the washing is not rest?
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, so true you said there's some one
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: of your Instagram stories. I think recently, I was like, wow,
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: that is so true. A woman thinks that, like if
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: they're watching TV in the background but they're folding their clothes, like,
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: that's still not resting.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: So you're still not resting.
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: And I think that you know, it's not until you're
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: actually taking absolute quiet time to connect with yourself and
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: you know, or to watch a show without doing anything else.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: Without scrolling and just enjoy out.
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, doing something just for enjoyment, that's when you actually
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: can even consider it rest.
• 12:45
  Speaker 4: It's so true.
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think that one other thing I wanted
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: to share in that is that there's a lot of
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: mum guilt over doing things that you want rather than need.
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: And that's something that I've really had to work through
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: because early on I had this conversation of if it's
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: not in need, then it can find it go by
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: to the waveside. And so when I start to think about,
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: you know, even clothing. I had a post recently about
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: like not buying kids more toys, like not going and
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: doing activities like buy the bra you know. So I
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: love that and I think that it was so interesting
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: just seeing in the comments how many women were saying
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: that they can't.
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: I can't.
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: I can't do that because it's taking away from my child.
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: And there's a really beautiful quote from La Nost that
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: talks about it's not about me first, it's about me too.
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: And I love that this conversation of I'm not taking
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: away from my children, from my husband, from my family,
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: I'm actually just prioritizing myself. And I think that that's
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: such a beautiful thing.
• 13:50
  Speaker 4: So many women think they can't have.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and at the end of the day too, your
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: kids won't notice how many toys they have. They're gonna
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: notice how present you are and how happy famy was.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: They grew up with Mum just always feeling resentful.
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: And angry and like tired.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like that's their childhood and there I think that
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: one of them.
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: That's right, And it's so often. You know, we just
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: did a big toy clear out and so in our
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: living room there's about seven toys total, and honestly, Teddy
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: is a completely different kid. Instead of jumping between different
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: activities and dumping them all on the floor and not
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: wanting to clean them up and do anything, he'll actually
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: go and choose something that he wants to do, do
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: the activity and then put it away and has just completely.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: Changed my life.
• 14:33
  Speaker 4: I love that.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we do a regular toy clean out as well,
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: and they donate the ones that she's like out grown
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: or whatever.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: Yep, and you can cycle through them like they're all
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: in a cup.
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: It it's not about like we never have toys again,
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: that he gets bored with them and doesn't want to play. Yeah,
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: but it really does come back to like the next
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: thing doesn't really matter to them. It's about that quality time,
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: about doing things with you. You know, he's way more
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: likely to do independent plays if I play with him
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: for ten minutes at the start. Can I just sit
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: there in journal I drink my hot cup of tea
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: of it. Yeah, I lay on the couch and close
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: my eyes and have a rest. Like, yes, you can, really,
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: you know, do those sorts of things with your child there.
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: You just have to find what works for you, do.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: You think a lot of women when they say I
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: can't do that, I can't do that, a lot of
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: it will come down to their self worth and thinking
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: are not worthy of having the nice bra or buying
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: a new dress, or going to get a massage or
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: getting a pedicure.
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: Definitely, I think that motherhood is such a hard thing.
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: The transition to motherhood, you are fundamentally changed as a person,
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: and I think that there is a lot of guilt
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: that people feel and a lot of responsibility. And if
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: you aren't meeting those incredibly high expectations that you have
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: set for yourself, or that you see on Instagram or
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: you know in society that's being told to you by
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: your mother in law or you know, I have a
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: beautiful mother in law, so I'm all good in that respect,
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: But if you're not actually seeing yourself meeting those expectations,
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: you're never going to think that you deserve that, and
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: those expectations aren't real. No, like, if you actually think
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: about what your child needs. They need a happy present parent.
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and a clean bum.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: Food, lots of food at this age. Oh my gosh,
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: so much snacking.
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: I've never seen anyone eat so many berries in my life.
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: Oh, they're gonna have to vow a whole punt. Yeah,
• 16:27
  Speaker 4: blueberry is expensive at.
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: The very I'm very happy we're coming into like summer seasons,
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: so it's all the summer fruits.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: But I feel you, I would love to finish off
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: with talking about some things that you used to feel
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: guilty for that now you're like, fuck no, I love
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: this woo Definitely.
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: My first one is I do not feel guilty for
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: my husband doing swimming lessons.
• 16:50
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, I love this.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: Or we spoke about it when my first star love
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: right please is I hate the dirty pools too.
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: I was doing it from the start, from like four
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: months old. And honestly, I have a big son. He's tall,
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: he's heavy. I get nervous about like dunking underwater, and honestly,
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: my husband thrives.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: He just absolutely loves it. They do it.
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: It's their special Saturday morning thing that they do together.
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: They have so much fun. They run back in and
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: I'm literally still in bed most days, they run back
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: in and they're like, Mummy, I had so much fun
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: and they just love it. So I don't feel guilty
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: about not doing that anymore. It took a while for
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: me to actually see the enjoyment that they both have
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: from that, But now that I do, I'm like, Okay, amazing,
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: I don't have to worry about this.
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: Love that.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't feel guilty about getting a babysitter for
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: at date night.
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: Oh I love this so much. Yeah.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: I still sometimes on social media we get like a
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: call it pushback where people are just like, yeah, they
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: don't prioritize. I think it's a waste of money and
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: like you're lucky to be able to do that, And
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: it's just such a priority for me because we didn't
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: do it for a couple of months and we really
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: noticed I don't want to say disconnection. We talk a
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: lot and my good communicators, but it just wasn't feeling
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: as nice. It almost felt more roommates.
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: Yes, it's a completely different connection when you have absolutely
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: no one else to distractions. If you're not checking that
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: they're going to sleep on the monitor cleaning up the
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: dishes while you're having a chat at all, you know,
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: you finally sit down to have a cup of tea
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: and chat together and have that connection.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: Wipe it out as if they fall over since they
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: need something, since they start fighting inst and someone's hungry,
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: she near the wattle. It's like you can't get in
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: a deep conversation. So having that date night, we're doing
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: it once a week. At the moment we get Steve's
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: mom down.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: We still pay her.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we obviously value her time and she drives down
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: from Brisbane, which is beautiful.
• 18:39
  Speaker 4: She loves it.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: She gets time with the kids. But yeah, it's just
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: such a priority for me now, And even if I
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: couldn't afford to, I feel like I would try and
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: find a way, whether it's like having a date night
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: at home, or I'd say to Meg, I'll take Romeo
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: and Bella one night and you guys go have a
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: date night, and then can you take our kids.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: You know, we just did the exact same thing.
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: So one of my girlfriends, we've just talked about it,
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: and so a month on and off we're going to
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: have her son who's just about the same age, and
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: they play together. So Wow, like a little sleepover for them.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: Love that and then yeah, be able to swap that.
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: So I think that you're right, it is expensive, and
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: I think that it's so valid to say that. And
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: we don't have grandparents who are living down here. But
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: when something I really want to add with that is
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: don't feel guilty to use the grandparents when they come
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: to visit. Seriously, like if they come to visit for
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: a couple of nights, they are so happy to look
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: after their grandchild and you're not hovering over them, like
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: they love that.
• 19:32
  Speaker 4: Quality of the time exactly. So it's something I'm so important.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: I used to feel guilty yet because I felt other
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: people's projections and now I'm like, no, I'm like wrapping
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: myself and bubba rap, your projections cannot come in because
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: I feel no guilt. Are beginning to connect and like
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: just be more into it my husband and just just
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: enjoy him. Just enjoy us, like because before kids, there
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: was us, and I ever want to lose us. And
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: I want our kids to also be like, wow, mommy
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: and daddy love each other so much, that's their normal.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: I want them to attract that when they're older, you know.
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: And Honestly, when they grow up, you are going to
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: have your husband that will be who you have left.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be like, who are you? I
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: don't know you anymore.
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: You need to grow together.
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: You need to start connect and still know each other.
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: And you you know, if you think about the Gotmans
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: and all of their stuff about connections, the basis is
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: knowing each other's love maps, actually knowing what are they
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: doing at work, what are they doing in their lives
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: with their interests and hobbies, what are they struggling with?
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: Like, that's got to be a priority.
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: They're a different person than they were a year ago,
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: Lelone when you first got together, as you are exactly.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: Saying, what's something else that you don't feel guilty for anymore.
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: One of the biggest ones that I have grown an
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: experience and mum guilt has popped back up for me
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: is using daycare?
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: So interesting?
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: Okay, so Teddy's been in daycare since we moved away
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: from family, because I really believe that having a village
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: is absolute of the utmost important.
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: You can't be a mom, need to.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: Do that by ourselves, No, aren't.
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: No.
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: And one of the biggest things is he's been in
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: three different daycares because we move around, because we've found
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: different daycares, but every single one of those I vetted
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: so completely. I felt so connected to the educators, I
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: felt so comfortable, and he is just absolutely thriving.
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: I do you feel guilty for that? Yeah?
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: Would I feel guilty?
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: Expansion exactly, dependency learning.
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: Exactly, and he's so happy. That is such an important
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: thing to realize as well, that that guilt will step
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: up whenever it feels like different and change. If you
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: don't feel that in your daycare, really, you know, take
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: that girlt and use that as an indicator. Why why
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: do you feel that way about this the serious people?
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: Is it the center? Is it the way that he's reacting.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: To us something your mother in lawa or someone said
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: to you that exactly home with your kids all the time.
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, So if it's that, let go of that, let
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: go with the expectation else. But if it is something
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: that you can control, yeah, take control in that.
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: So good. Well, thank you so much for joy.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: Say, before we leave, I know you've just launched a
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: little programs specifically for mothers.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: I don't feel like a lot of people are doings.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: I think it's really special. Can you tell us a
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: bit about it?
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, So Revive is our four week self care journey.
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: We're just about to get started and then we'll do
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: another live round at the start of next year, perfect
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: timing exactly, just to start us off with getting back
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: to the basics the foundations of self care. So when
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: we think about self care, we look at those foundations
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: that we talked about before our sleep, our nutrition.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: Our movement.
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: But we also have a module in there about those extras,
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: so things that spark joy and things that we still
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: need to prioritize even though they feel like once and
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: they can.
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: Be a lot harder.
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: We have this beautiful community of women who are in
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: that together on two Yeah, it's all feeling the same way.
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: And one of the best things that I think Revived
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: does for women is it gives you lots of bite
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: sized chunks information that you can choose to implement now
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: or to say, I'm so happy I know that now,
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: but it's not in my capability call and do.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: The women that come on board with you, they have
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: access to you to ask questions.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: Yes, definitely.
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: So we've actually got an app that we can all
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: connect through and then We also have live calls during
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: it where we can all connect and beautiful and I think, honestly,
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: this is such a lonely journey, and even once we
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: start going back to work or going to mum groups,
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: it can be really hard to be wanting to take
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: action on the things that we're struggling with, because it's
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: very easy to go I'm not sleeping. I'm not sleeping either.
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: I'm so tired. Yeah, it's like none of us really
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: know what to do about that.
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: Oh, that's so cool.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: It's nice to have your support because I think you
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: in motherhood can be really lonely, and to have women
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: who actually get it and understand it and going through
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: the same.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: Things exactly, it makes such a big difference.
• 23:49
  Speaker 4: And where can we find you?
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: My Instagram for my personal one is Katerinodriss School Underscore
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: and then Hurstpark we have her Spark.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: Underscore so awesome.
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: I will leave all the details in the show notes below.
• 24:01
  Speaker 4: So thank you so much for joining us. It's so
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: nice to see you.
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: It was amazing to chat about it.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: Oh, Merry Christmas. I hope you and Teddy here's good time.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: Que Thank you.
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: Bye.