Latest / Dr. Derek H. Suite MD - The SuiteSpot / Hold the Line 6/7: Recovery Is Not Retreat: Restore to return. #SelfCareSaturday

Transcript

Hold the Line 6/7: Recovery Is Not Retreat: Restore to return. #SelfCareSaturday · Dr. Derek H. Suite MD - The SuiteSpot

• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back, beautiful souls.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's Self Care Saturday.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: I really hope that you're gonna take a few minutes this Saturday to take care of you.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because without you, we don't have the party.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: We need you here to have the party.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: The party can't get started if you're not here.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: You get that?
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Alright now.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: This is the sweet spot.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: It is Self-Care Saturday, and I am your host, Dr.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Derek Sweet.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a board-certified psychiatrist.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: I work in high performance, but more than that, I have been your partner this week if you've been listening on this great journey we've been taking called Hold the Line.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: We find ourselves today in the sixth episode of the seven episodes we're doing.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: And today's episode is called Recovery is Not Retreat.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: You have to restore to return.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Recovery is not retreat.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: You've got to restore so that you can return.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Look, you made it through the week.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Congratulations.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: That is an accomplishment.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: You redefined the line, you held your ground, you moved without waiting for the mood to hit you.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: You stayed big under pressure.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: You trusted your training.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: You finished without fading.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: You went through every day this week holding the line.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Now here's the quiet truth.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you only fight and never restore, the line eventually collapses from the inside.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Not from some opponent, not from an external force, but from the inside.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we have to spend a day in self-care.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we have to restore, reset, refresh, recalibrate.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: So Saturday is not about being soft.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: You don't turn off Saturday because it says self-care.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, don't do that.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: Saturday, self-care Saturday is about reinforcement.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Real self-care is not just about comfort.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: You know what it is?
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Real self-care is about discipline protection.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's about a discipline protection of your limits, of your energy, and of future you.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Future you needs you, current you.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Do you this here now to protect your limits?
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: To protect your energy.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's important because future you need you to be whole, to be ready for future trouble.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's the way it is in the world.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: There's trouble.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: In this world, you will have trouble, right?
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: So you've got to overcome that trouble.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Part of that is being mindful of the fact that you have to care for you.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why we have self-care Saturday, because look, the recent research is showing that your self-connection depends on three things, especially your inner health.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: There are three things you have to have, and this is according to research science.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm giving you the cutting-edge research on inner health.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: You want to know what inner health is about?
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Here it is.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: One, awareness of yourself, two, acceptance of yourself.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: And three, alignment, alignment of your behavior with the awareness.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's awareness of yourself, acceptance of yourself, and alignment with your behaviors of that awareness.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: And that's very powerful.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, let's tackle it one by one.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Awareness.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: You have to notice when you're tired.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's awareness.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: You've got to notice when you're irritable.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: You have to notice when your sleep is slipping.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: You must notice when your patience is thin.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's awareness.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that's how you can get in health.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not gonna notice it, then you don't notice it even needs fixing.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: The second is acceptance.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't shame yourself for being human, for having limits.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: You don't judge yourself for not always being your very best.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: You don't call yourself weak, you don't call yourself something lower than what you are.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely not.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: You are a divine being having a divine experience.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Always keep that in mind.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: No self-judgment, always accept the highest self.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: And the third thing is to align, you act in accordance with this awareness, and that's how you care for you.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's how you hold the line.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Holding the line externally, right?
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: When you're holding the line externally, right, it means you have a formation of discipline against what's coming.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: But you have to also hold an internal line, which means that you have a boundary.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Your discipline has to be not just external, it has to be internal.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like you have this boundary that you're not gonna let people cross.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Boundaries are invisible lines that protect your time, your attention, and yes, your nervous system.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: If you abandon these invisible lines, you become depleted.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I don't know about you, but when I become depleted, I could get a little resentful, I could feel overextended, I could feel burnt out, tired, just kind of gritty and irritable.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: So that's where I need to have more self-care.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because the invisible lines, I'm holding the line for stuff on the outside, but what about the invisible lines on the inside?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: What are you holding that is slowly draining you today, sweet spotter?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: And what boundary needs to be re-established so you can regain your energy?
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: And are you really doing self-care or are you faking it?
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Are you faking the funk?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's be honest with each other.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of us, what we call self-care, is not self-care at all.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Doom scrolling is not restoration.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: I speak to myself.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: Did you hear that, Doc?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: You can't do scroll your way into restoration.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: That is not self-care.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Extra drinks aren't recovery.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Give me another round of drinks.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's not recovery.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Overspending isn't relief.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: I could call a name here for somebody, but she'll probably not be happy about that.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm in trouble now.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, but overspending really isn't relief.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: You can't do retail therapy your way into feeling that you've held a line, right?
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's going to eventually catch up.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: So your doom scrolling isn't a great idea.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Extra drinks aren't really a great idea.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Overspending isn't a great idea.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: And also, even avoiding the hard stuff.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Avoiding a hard conversation isn't the same thing as having peace.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it might give you peace in the moment, but eventually you will have to pay the price and have the conversation.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: So caring for yourself means that you have to not let short-term comfort override your long-term health and wellness.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because things that you put off by having avoidance behaviors are those are not self-care things.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: They actually cost you tomorrow.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Future you pays the price.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: True recovery is very disciplined.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: You have to sleep when you said you would sleep.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: You need to set that bedtime.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: I talked to myself.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Dr.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Sweet, set a bedtime, dude.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: You're writing a book on sleep and performance.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: You need to sleep.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Sleep when you said you would sleep.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: That's self-care.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Turn off what overstimulates you.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Man, I might just need to just look in the mirror and just have this talk with myself.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Turn off what overstimulates you every now and then, just so you can have a break.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: Move your body intentionally.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Say no.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Let your no be your no.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Say no when you need to.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: No is a complete sentence.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know what's good about no is that you don't have to put anything after that.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's what you need to say to care for yourself sometimes.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes when you say no to something, you're actually saying yes to you.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: And reconnect with something that's sacred.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Reconnect with something that's grounding.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Do you read the word?
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Do you meditate?
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Do you pray?
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's not your thing.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Do you go for nice long walks?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have the warm bath?
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Do you sit with yourself in silence?
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Do you read a novel?
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: What are you doing that reconnects you to something bigger than you?
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Something that brings you peace or joy or connection.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: Are you always on your phone?
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Is that all you do, right?
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like think about that.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: This is not punishment.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: This is not punishment.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: This is respect.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: This is about respect.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Respecting the self enough to care for the self here on self-care Saturday.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: So look, we want to have a stable sense of who we are so that we can have better coping, better regulation, and better recovery so that we can hold a line.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we care for ourselves deeply, not just have aromatherapy, not just uh go to the spa and come back.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's all important.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Those are important parts of caring, but to respect your boundaries, to say no to the things that deplete you, to draw the internal lines.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you don't know you who you are, and you don't have a sense of your deeper identity, you chase relief instead of restoration.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that's easy to miss.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't know who you are, you're gonna chase relief instead of restoration.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: And you want to be restored, not just relieved.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Something can be relieving in the moment, but doesn't restore you.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Is your habit restoring you or just relieving you?
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Bong bong, as they say, that's a good one.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the balance, right?
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: Self-care is not indulgence, but it's also not being super controlled over everything.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: Over-discipline without compassion for the self leads to more emotional flatness.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: You're no fun to be around anyway, right?
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: So you don't want to be over-disciplined and have no compassion and be emotionally flat.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because look, you'll you'll eventually snap back, right?
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: So when somebody but whenever I see over-discipline without compassion, I know it's going to lead to emotional flatness and eventually snap back behavior.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: They're just gonna snap back because they never they're they're applying too much discipline even into self-care.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: So, what am I saying?
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Self-care Saturday becomes this, my friend.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: Have some firm boundaries that protect you, your invisible lines.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: Be gentle with your self-talk, no self-criticism.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: And you can say, I'm tired without being critical of yourself, but I'm still worthy of care.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: You can say, I can't do everything, and that's not failure.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: In the message Bible, it says, Come off by yourselves.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: This is Mark 6, 31.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: Come off by yourselves.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: Let's take a break and let's get a little rest.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's wisdom.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's wisdom.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's not weakness, that's wisdom.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: He who dwells observing the body in the body is mindful.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's a Buddhist saying.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: Awareness without judgment.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't have to keep fighting all the time in order to feel like you're winning.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Remember King Gustafus Adolphus 1631?
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: We started the week with him because he's the dude which this whole the line thing uh came from.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: He formed his foot his soldiers.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, we talked about this the soldiers in the line.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what he didn't do?
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't keep the soldiers in the line fighting all the time.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: He did not keep his soldiers in constant assault.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: The armies rotated, they regrouped, and then they restored their formation.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: There are timeouts in football, there are substitutions on the line.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because an exhausted line is a fragile line, and you don't want your line to be fragile.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: So here's your Saturday practice, sweet spotter.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: First, conduct an internal inventory.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: We've done this this week.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: We've said, let's do an internal audit, just like IRS does it on the taxes.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want that.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: We want the internal audit on ourselves.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: And the audit will find out where you're stretched too thin.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Let me ask you, where are you stretched too thin right now?
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Seriously, where do you think and I know you know, just take a minute just to ask yourself, it's self-care Saturday.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: You're you're allowed to ask this.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Where am I stretched too thin?
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: Audit question one.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: And once you figure that out, establish a boundary, draw a line that helps you not be so stretched.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's an earlier bedtime.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: I speak to myself.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: Again, why am I talking to myself today?
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's an earlier bedtime.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's not doing some work emails tonight.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's having the honest conversation with someone.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's walking away from that habit that just drains you.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's having 30 minutes without your phone.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, is that possible?
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: Is that really possible?
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, figure that out when you're doing the audit.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Speak to yourself with a disciplined compassion, not indulgence, not shame, but with respect.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Never judge yourself because goodness knows there's enough people out there judging you.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: So here are your rehearsal lines as we close out on self-care Saturday.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: Your affirmations, whatever you want to call them, your grounding statements.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, I protect what makes me whole.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: My boundaries are strength.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: Recovery reinforces my line.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm well able to do this.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: I deserve rest.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: I deserve restoration.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: I deserve to be recalibrated.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: I recalibrate and I restore myself right here, right now.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, you are doing it.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, you are in the sweet spot.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: It is self-care Saturday.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: And we're talking, we're talking about staying steady.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you stay steady, you prepare yourself for what's to come.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: And if this message steadied you today, share it.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: Subscribe.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's totally free.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: And if you think somebody could use some steadying here on self-care Saturday, send this right away.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: Don't waste a second, just send it.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: We're building a community here that fights hard, but that restores wisely.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: You deserve restoration.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to promise me that this is the day that you're gonna do one thing that restores you.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: And if that means that all you can do is take a deep breath with me right now, we're gonna do that.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Deep breath in.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: Hold and then let the exhale be longer than the inhale.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: Whenever you do a deep breath like that, beloved, you are resetting your nervous system.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: You are sending a message to your entire body that it's gonna be okay, that you're you're gonna be able to hold the line, that you're bringing more oxygen to those red blood cells and more energy and more ATP to your body, and you're gonna be able to fight.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna restore.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: Let me leave you with this as we close the sweet spot.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: The strongest lines are not the ones that never rest, they're the ones that know when to restore, and they restore so that they can return.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: Beloved, restore today so that you can return to see me tomorrow.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: For science, for soul, for success.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Let's hold a line.