Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 88. Young, Pregnant, and Terrified.. Did I make the right choice?

Transcript

88. Young, Pregnant, and Terrified.. Did I make the right choice? · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Appogie Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashi
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh and cry and talk about the topics
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: everyone else is too afraid to talk about.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to She Rises with Ashy and Tiana.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: We have a very very deep, vulnerable, almost scary topic
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: to talk about today, because this is something I have
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: never heard anyone talk about online, and I can understand why.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: I think people would have a lot of shame around it.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: It's scary, you know, people are going to be judging
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: you for it. The topic of the episode is abortion.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: This is something I personally have not been through, but
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: I've had so many friends that I've experienced it, and
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: it is really, really really hard for a female to
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: have to go through one that decision making to the
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: whole experience. So we're going to talk about your experience.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: So take us back to eighteen year old Tiana, when
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: you found out that you're pregnant.
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: My goodness, what a well win that was.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: I was so young and so naive at that age,
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: but at that time I was very much in love
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: with the men that I was with. It was, you know,
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: a three and a half year relationship. We were with
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: each other all the time. We actually ended up working
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: together as well, so we were very much in each
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: other's pockets. My dad ended up hiring him right, so
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: when I was working on site as a carpenter, he
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: was also a carpenter.
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: So you know, we were spending every day together.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: We were, you know, spending all our weekends together, we
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: were going to gym together, we were working together, so
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: we were very much plugged into each other. And yeah,
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: we just weren't I guess that careful. And I didn't
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: take any birth control or anything like that, and so
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: for me, it was always something in the back of
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: my mind of like having to be careful. I just
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: remember this one week feeling overly emotional and a little
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: bit nauseous and starting to feel a little bit like
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: my body was off. Like I couldn't really pinpoint what
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: it was, but like something about my body just.
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: Felt off and was late for your period too, Yeah,
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: late for my period.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: I didn't track it super meticulously though, so it wasn't
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: like I was like, oh, I'm a week late or
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: how belong?
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: Did it pop into your head that you might be pregnant?
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: It definitely did, because I had known that we were
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: being a little less careful, and I remember just being like, oh, whatever,
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: I'm just gonna you know what I'm gonna do. I'm
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: just gonna go get a pregnancy test, like surely, I'm.
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: Randomly on a Tuesday afternoon.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: It's just randomly on a shoesday afternoon, and I was like,
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: all right, I'm going to go to Woolli's one grab
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: a pregnancy test. This is post breakup, mind you. So
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: we had already been separated for like, so we were
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: together for a couple of years and then we had separated.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: We were going through a breakup at that point, pretty
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: recent obviously pretty recent. Yea, it's probably only like three
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: weeks or something like that. And yeah, so we were
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: broken up at the time, so obviously he wasn't around.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, imagine if I'm pregnant, this.
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: Is going to be terrifying. So even going to get
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: the test by yourself, like doing that alone, I.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: Know, and I did have like a lot of friends
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: in my life at the time because I'd really clung
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: to him and that was like my main focus was
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: like our relationship anyway. So I remember going and I
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: remember doing the test and it showing up as positive,
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: and I just was so shocked, like so shocked. I
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: just remember sitting the bathroom like staring at myself in
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: the mirror, being like, you're literally growing a baby.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: And what did you feel? Sad, shocked, emotional, happy.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: I was shocked for a little while while I stood
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: in the bathroom, but I remember feeling really scared because
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: I was like fresh eighteen, just going through a breakup,
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: just going through a breakup. Our relationship was super turbulent,
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: so we wave not safe. We weren't communicating well either
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: post breakup, so it was like, oh, like how am
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: I even going to tell him this? And I remember
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: like walking out to the kitchen and like my hand
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: was like shaking, and I like put the test down
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: onto the bench and my sister Chantal was there. She
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: looked at it and I smiled at her and I
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: just broke down in tears and I was just like like,
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: what do I do The conversation was around like, you
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: know what you need to do to you?
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: You know atain single toxic relationship.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: Not a good relation. He's not good for you, he's
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: not good for your heart. You've been trying to get
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: out of this relationship for a while now, and you
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: know it's just not working for whatever reason. Maybe this
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: is a sign of like you know what you need
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: to do.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: Can I ask did you have any judgments or rules
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: on yourself, like you know how some women are just
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: like I would never get an abortion, It's not an option,
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: this is meant to be. Or were you always like, oh,
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: if I was faced to that situation, I probably would
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: because I'm not ready for kids. Like where was your
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: mindset at before you found out you're pregnant? As just
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: something you had that internal conversation with yourself before. No,
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: it wasn't a conversation that I'd had with myself before.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: But I think because I was so young and so naive.
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I was like what happened to me?
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: I hadn't had the experience as well of growing a
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: baby and going through that experience before, so I didn't
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: really like know any better to me in the moment,
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: it was either like I'm either going to do this
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: or I'm going to go through the process of getting
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: an abortion because of all the factors that were kind
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: of happening in my life at the time. But I
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: remember being so internally conflicted because I was like I
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: almost like grew this like emotional attachment to like the yeah,
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: I was pregnant, and I was like, okay, well I'm
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: going to grow a little baby like and I just
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: remember thinking like, maybe this is something I could do.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: But then I also just had this voice in the
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: back of my head of being like, you're too young.
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: You're too young. He's not good for you.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: This will be the rest of your life, something that
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: is a commitment if you make this decision now. But
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: I remember like feeling angry as well for not being
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: careful because now having to go through that alone, right,
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: And I just remember thinking almost angry at him and
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: frustrated towards him because I was like, well, now I
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: have to do this alone because we're not to get houred.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: This relationship hasn't been healthy up until now. We're not communicating,
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: and so I almost like projected that anger onto him
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: of like, well, like.
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: Fuck you, this is part of your fault too, your
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: fault too. Yeah, but now I'm having to do.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: It, and now I have to go through it alone
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: because he wasn't there for me, not just the emotional
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: but the physical. But the physical, and I had no
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: idea what to expect when it came to the actual
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: physical side. And he talks about it, but the mental
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: side of things. I just was in my head back
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: and forth for like a good two and a half weeks. Right,
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: I was eight and a half weeks pregnant. It's tough, babe,
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: And for two and a half weeks I was back
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: and forth. I was like, Okay, like I know what
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: my family have said, I know what they tell me
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: what I need to do. But internally I was like
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: should I do this? But I love him, but I
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: really want to be with him, And there was a
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: part of me that was still holding onto that relationship
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: so much, and I was like, but I've always wanted this,
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: like I've wanted this with him, Yeah, why would I
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: not do it? And then I remember thinking to myself,
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: you know, if it was three years down the line,
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: maybe I would have just done it. Yeah, And maybe
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: I would have just had it, you know, And then
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: I ended up booking in for the abortion, and I
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: remember talking to him about it and.
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: He had that conversation. It was so fucked babe. Really,
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: how did he respond?
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: He basically accused me of it being somebody else's.
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: Ah, he didn't, he did. Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and it was I just remember being like so
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: defeated in the moment. We haven't been together for three weeks.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: You think I'm gonna get pregnant in three weeks. I'm
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: eight weeks pregnant.
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, this is with you.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And he's like, no, that's not possible. This and
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: that blah blah blah, like just like all the defensiveness,
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: all of the reactivity. And obviously he was young too,
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: so he was two years older than me, so he
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: would have been twenty at the time, so he went
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: through his process of emotions as well. But again, even
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: after that, he didn't fully like calm down or anything
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: like that. You offer to pay for some of it, No,
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: I paid for it. And then my mum and my
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: sister came with me that day, so he didn't even come.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: He told me that he would, and then he didn't show.
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: Oh my goodness.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was really hard, super traumatic, and I was
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: super young, right, like naive, silly thought this man loved
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: me as much as I did him, even though it
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: was not the healthiest relationship. But I just thought in
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: a moment like that, like he would have showed up.
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: God, you would expect that from a man or a boy.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: Isn't it supposed to be like we're in this together, yeah,
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: and we do this together.
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: But it wasn't like that.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: I felt really alone and I lead and fucking scared.
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: Baby.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: I was like eighteen. I was like, oh my god,
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: I can't be a mom.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's why that it falls on the woman to
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: go through all of that and they just don't have to.
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: It's the craziest thing is like going into the room
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: and like, yeah.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: Can you walk us through that experience? Because I just
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: think this is something that a lot of people are
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: not speaking about. And I'm sure there's so many women
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: that may get themselves in the situation and maybe they're
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: in it right now and they're so scared because I
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: only know because I've had friends that have gone through it. Yeah, Like,
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: can you walk us through? Like who do you book through?
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: If they got good bed manner? Is it scary. Did
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: you doubt yourself once you got in there? The recovery? Like,
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: can you walk us through that whole process?
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: Sure?
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: So I think booking the appointment is like the easy
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: part because it feels emotionally, feels so far away. You're like, Okay,
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: I've made this decision, but you don't really feel it
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: until you're like in the room.
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: Is it with a doctor or an actual place you
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: go to, like.
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: An abortion clinic basically, And so what you do is
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: you book in. I went in with my mom and
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: my sister. They walked me into as far as they could,
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: and then eventually you get to a point where like
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: you get changed and you're in a gown, and then
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: you sit out the front of like the surgery room.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: Basically there's a point where like your family can't come
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: with you anymore, and so you're kind of just sitting
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: there with your own thoughts kind of going back and forth.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: And I just remember feeling so alone in that moment, Fabe.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: I was so scared. I didn't know what the process
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: was of an abortion. I didn't know how it works.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: I was scared. I was young.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: It didn't really make sense to me. And then I
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: remember just feeling like okay, like I have to do
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: this alone, like even though they here to support me
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: and they're going to take me when it's done.
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like it doesn't feel the same. Yeah. So just
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: something that you kind of have to like do alone.
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: Do you get put to sleep or are you consciously away? Yeah?
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: So you go into the room and then you sit
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: on this chair that like hoists up both of your
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: legs kind of thing, and you're like fully awake. They
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: haven't given you anything yet, and you sit in this
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: chair and then they ask you to put your legs
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: up and then they like talk to you, and there's
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: like a screen on the roof and all that sort
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: of stuff. And I just remember them getting me to
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: count down to ten and whatever it was that I
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: had was like making me sleepy. Yeah, and then just
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: feeling so scared. I'm like it's so clinical, like I
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: don't know these people. I don't trust these people, like
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: who are they? You know, just feeling like just so terrified,
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: and then I like eventually fell asleep, and I remember
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: waking up and just feeling it just sounds bad, but
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: like I felt like a bit violated. Of course, I
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: like my body understandable. It's like my body knew whatever
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: it was that I could feel. I could feel it
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: in my body. It's like kind of like when you
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: get like a pap smear and they like freaking statue,
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: you know, that feeling where you're just and you're like
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: you feel like someone's invaded your privacy.
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: It was like that, but I was groggy.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: And not being able to like do a whole lot
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: and going home and resting for like that whole afternoon
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: and night and just being like so emotionally like sad.
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, do you remember what the recovery was like? It
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: was fine from what I can remember.
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: I think after that it's like the energetic loss, yeah almost,
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: or like the emotional loss, you know, after that, I
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: was like, oh okay, like I really went through with that. Yeah,
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: through like sadness, isolation, loneliness. Then you go through violation,
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: and then it's like loss, and then you just kind
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: of expected to kind of go back into day to
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: day live and all these people, you know, do normal
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: life with you don't really know what you've gone through,
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: and then you're having conversations with people at work like
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: nothing has happened. I think that was the hardest thing
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: is like the couple of weeks after that, it was
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: hard to kind of come back into normal reality of like,
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: I've just gone through this what felt like something that
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: was really emotionally scarring and will stay with me forever,
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: and having to do it alone, all of the elements
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: to it, to just like go back to work and
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: be on side and talk to the guys on side,
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: and like.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: Oh man, that's like a lot of things with grief, Hay.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: When you told your mom, your dad, your sisters, any friends,
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: Was there anyone that judged you for making that decision
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: or were they all in full support and how.
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: Did you cope with that?
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: My family were very supportive of that because they knew
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: the situation, and they also weren't super in supportive their
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: lifeationship as well. They kind of wanted me to get away,
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: so they were happy with the decision that I was
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: making for me because I was so young and it
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: just wasn't the right time, wasn't the right person, was
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: the right circumstances. So I don't think any of my
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: family really judged me for that, to be honest, I
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: didn't really. I don't think I really told anybody else
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: in the side of my family.
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: Speaking about it now.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: As I said at the start, it is quite a
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: controversial topic that people judge people for doing. Are you
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: scared talking about this now? And how do you think
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: you'd hope if there was some backlash of people saying
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: things about this? People have really strong stances on it. Yeah,
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: you know, and valid. Everyone's allowed to think what they
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: believe in different cultures and different things. But how will
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: you manage and handle judgment that comes your way if
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: it does post episode?
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: Interesting, that's a cool question. I think everyone is entitled
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: to their opinion. Yeah, However, I don't think anyone's entitled
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: to an opinion on my body.
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: Yes, beautiful.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: So given I had the most context at that point
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: in my life of what the situation was, what the
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: relationship was, like me not being ready to have a
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: child at eighteen, I think is the valid grounds for
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: me to have made the decision that I made. And yes,
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: while everyone is open to an opinion and totally gets
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: to have that, they can still have that and me
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: still be strong in the decision that I made. Yeah, Like,
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: I in no way regret getting an abortion and going
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: through that process because at that point in my life,
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: that's what I needed. And you know, my life would
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: be very different if I had gone through that decision
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: and actually had a baby then, you know. And I
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: just think like I made the right choice for me
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: back then, and I think everyone's kind of entitled to
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: that as well. Yeah, I personally, when I think about abortions,
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: I know you're not.
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: Really supposed to get more than two because it's confectly
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: your fertility.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: It's damaging for your body. I know exactly why and
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: the reasons. If anybody has any info, you can let
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: me know about that. But I think I've also been
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: mindful now since that happened, of like, Okay, you need
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: to be more careful and you need to be more
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: like switched on when it comes to things like that,
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: because you don't want to continue damaging your body. Yeah,
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: having to make a decision like that, if I am
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: not ready, it's like being smart about it. If I
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: do want to make that decision I want to have
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: a baby, be intentional about it, ye, if I don't
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: be cautious.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: And what are your stances on I know in America
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: in some states abortion is like illegal.
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: What's your stances on that?
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: I don't know all of the context with stuff like that.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: I think abortion being illegal is disgusting. For one, I
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: think it's disappointing for anyone who goes through sexual abuse
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: or is rapes.
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: What I was going to say, anything like that For.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: Me, that feels like taking away women's rights. However, what
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: I have read online is that abortion is illegal after
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: sixteen weeks. I don't know enough information about what the
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: actual laws are and stuff like that about it. And
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: because I've heard that, I'm like, oh, okay, Like they
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: obviously don't want anyone to abort after sixteen weeks if
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: they're already you know.
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: Developing that.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, just an interesting conversation because I remember watching a
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: documentary I age just Goo. I think it's on Netflix,
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: and it was a mum who in America, in the
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: state it was illegal, so she had been raped, and
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: then her daughter then grew up and just always felt
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: like she was a mistake in that she wasn't meant
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: to be here, and she wasn't a byproduct of love,
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: she was a byproduct of violation. And it was just
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: really sad and interesting to see where they were both at.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: And I just think women should be able to choose,
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: of course, the context of the time and whatever. For sure,
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: I think, yeah, that's an important conversation as well.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: And I've seen stuff online about men making decisions for
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: women's bodies, and I think that's wrong.
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: I think that's wrong.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: I don't think anybody should be told whether they can
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: choose to have an abortion or not. It should be
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: their own personal choice, especially given context like rape victims,
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: sexual assault victims, all that sort of stuff. I could
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: not imagine if she was on the other foot and
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: I were sexually assaulted or raped and I was told
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: that I had to keep the baby and birth the
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: baby's so true, I would be beside myself. I don't
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: know how any woman is expected to go through an
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: experience like that and then just be like, yeah, be
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: okay with it that because he's just swearing, but like,
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: absolutely not.
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, to be aule to each individual woman.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: Hair And you can even see how emotionally traumatic it
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: is for women in moments where they're still in a
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: healthy relationship. Yeah, how traumatic it is to go through
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: abortion in that moment, let alone an unhealthy relationship, let
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: alone something like sexual abuse.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: For sure, there's so much to it too, like a
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: couple of my girlfriends have been through even like in
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: high school or in adult life. It's yeah, it's the physical,
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: it's the emotional, and it's years beyond as well, where
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: they'll still talk about and just feel that sadness and
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: that grief and like did I make the right decision? Like,
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: yes I did, but you still carry the sadness with
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: you for a long time. It's a lot, and there's
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: also really messages with your hormones as well. It's a
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: lot of recovery. What I've heard anyway from a couple
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: of girlfriends that have had it, the hormonal disruption of
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: going through that is tough, like irregular periods and a
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: lot of pain and all that kind of stuff.
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: It's a lot. Wow, that's wild. Yeah, I didn't.
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: I'm luckily, like knock on Wood, like my experience, I
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: didn't experience like or anything like that. After Yeah, my
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: body was also super young, developing and still all that
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: sort of stuff, and I have no doubt that it
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: would have had an impact on the body.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: I mean, I haven't looked into it, but I really
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: hope that if anyone's listening and going through this, or
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: you ever faced with this, I hope there is support
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: groups and like on Facebook or just someone where women
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: can turn to to have that emotional support and don't
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: have to go through that alone, especially if they're young
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: and they're hiding it from their parents or you know,
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: they can't talk to anyone about it. I really hope
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: there is support out there, because it's something you just
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: never want anyone going through alone.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: Of course, and I think something that no one really
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: talks about when it comes to abortion is like predicting
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: what could have been? You know, as like thinking about like, oh, wow,
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: if I hadn't aborted the baby, what would my life
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: look like? What would that little royal girl look like?
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: Who would they be? The personality would they have? And
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: like I haven't had children, so I haven't seen a
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: child fully develop of my own, so I don't have
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: that emotional connection. But even as someone who didn't, I
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: still had that part of me that was like, wow,
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: like what could have been ye decided to keep the baby?
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: You know, your mind would definitely wonder there and.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: How wild do you remember when I told you about
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: the psychic who told me that there was a little
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: boy around?
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: But that's right, you know your spirit angel? Yeah, she
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: was like.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: Did you have an abortion or a miscarriage or something
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: like that. She's like, there's a little boy around you
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: who's like with you all the time, and I just
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: like it was mind blown when she said that.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and she also said you're going to be a
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: boy mum, yeah, and that like he's ready to come
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: down and if you're already, Oh my god, yeah, wild, yeah, crazy.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for sharing so openly vulnerably. I
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: know that was scary for you and anyone listening, please
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: be kind. We respect that everyone has their own opinions
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: on it. But yeah, I hope anyone that's going through
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: it has support around them, and if not, I hope
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: you can look out for some support forums or groups.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: It can help you navigate that because I can imagine
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: it would be so difficult.
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you don't have to do it alone. Yeah, that's
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: the biginning. You have to do.
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: Either reach out for support, lean on your girlfriends, lean
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: on your family, whate you have in your life, even
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: if it's co workers.
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah, lean on.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: All right, Well, thank you for joining us, and we'll
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: see you in the next episode.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: Bye. Four